Love in all its manifestations, and especially romantic love, is always elevated to the rank of the highest feeling. She is everywhere: books are written about her, films and serials are made, pictures are drawn.

But reality and fiction are two different things. A person who has felt a strong attraction to another person may feel confusion, and his internal sensations can be contradictory.

Is he really in love? And how to distinguish love from falling in love, affection and other feelings? To understand this it is important to analyze your own feelings and compare them with information about what love and falling in love are.

What is love?

Love- a feeling of very strong sympathy that a person experiences, a feeling of spiritual unity with someone.

She is one of the dominant themes in all areas of art, she is exalted, sought to find and extremely idealized.

Robert Sternberg developed a three-component theory of true love that perfectly captures the essence of this feeling:

1. Frankness, intimacy, sincerity. This item includes the confidence that a partner can be trusted with almost anything without fear of getting negative, and the desire to do so; a sense of calm, confidence in the future, which appears due to the presence of this person in life; the desire to be the same trusted person for a loved one; the desire to better understand his feelings and help in everything.
2. Passion. This is the desire to be intimate with a partner and get deep physical pleasure from these moments. Also a person who is truly in love will find his partner attractive. Passion is an element that is similar to falling in love, but in people who have been together for a long time, it is not as pronounced as in the first stages of communication, and this is completely normal: the body does not maintain a high level of love hormones for years.
3. Commitments. This is loyalty, the desire to be with this person for many years, the desire to support him, to look for reasonable ways out of conflict situations in order to prevent a break in relations, and much more.

True love This is a lot of work that needs to be done for decades. But, of course, this work brings generous fruits and makes life ten times better.

Many young people who grew up on love tales are little familiar with the concept of "responsibility", often confuse love and falling in love, tend to break off relations as soon as "passion has weakened", because they are sure that passion in the case of true love should always be as hot as in the first month of the relationship.

But these are extremely erroneous judgments, the occurrence of which is closely related to the problem that exists in society: love is overly idealized.

What is the work that needs to be done? Here is just a small part of what you need to do in order to experience deep spiritual unity with a partner for many years:

How to prove to a girl that you love her? help you!

Sympathy or true love? Find out from the video:

signs

The main signs of love:

How to get the man you love back after a breakup? Learn about it from ours.

Love and affection - what's the difference? How to understand what keeps you from staying with a person? Comment on this video:

The concept of falling in love

Falling in love is a strong feeling of sympathy, which is based on hormonal activity, which is not stable.

Over time, it either dries up or transforms into love, depending on the desires of people in love with each other. She not limited to sex drive, although it is certainly one of the pillars of this feeling.

Also, during love, due to the action of hormones, a person is not always able to logically comprehend the personality of his chosen one.

Even if he realizes that he has some negative sides, he does not take them seriously and extols the positive. These are the so-called "rose-colored glasses", which "fall off" when the love weakens.

The more rational and reasonable a person is, the more difficult it is for the feeling of falling in love to completely fool him.

Lightweight, romantic people, accustomed to relying on feelings, and not on reason, on the contrary, much easier to turn one's head.

Hormones, affecting the emergence and preservation of a feeling of love:

• dopamine;
• serotonin;
• adrenalin;
• endorphins;
• vasopressin;
• oxytocin.

But falling in love is not only about hormones. It is unreasonable to believe that people - beings far advanced in development - are driven exclusively by substances produced by the body.

The emergence of a feeling of love is influenced by a lot of factors, including socially determined ones, which are difficult to fully take into account.

Main features

Signs of love:

There are other signs of falling in love, such as the desire to care, the fear of losing the chosen one, patience with any of his antics, even the most inadequate ones.

Love or infatuation? How to distinguish? Watch the video:

Similarities of the two concepts

The main similarities of these feelings:

• the presence of a strong sympathy for a person, attraction;
• fear of parting with the chosen one;
• fear that something might happen to him;
• desire to help, support;
• the desire to be a trusted person for the chosen one.

Love and infatuation have a lot in common, because they have a common basis and common goals, but it depends only on the couple how long the feelings will last and what they will bring with them.

How to forget a loved one after a breakup? find out right now.

The difference between love

Like and love - what's the difference? Learn about it from the video:

Attraction and true love - what's the difference?

sexual attraction takes place during the period of falling in love, but if it is in the foreground, and other aspects of the feeling - the desire to cherish, support, the desire to become better, the fear of losing - are absent or very weakly expressed, this is attraction, not love.

But if people in love with each other have a very strong libido, the boundaries between attraction and falling in love are partially erased.

True love is not selfish, and to maintain it you need to work: be attentive to your partner, take some responsibility, see the negative sides of your partner, be able to resolve conflicts, realize that love is not a holiday for life, but a much more complex quintessence of feelings, emotions, situations.

During falling in love, some aspects of love can also be observed, but they are not expressed too strongly. Falling in love is more fanatical, and love is a conscious, mature feeling that can last a lifetime.

Love or passion? How to determine? Comparison:

How to protect yourself from mistakes?

To better understand your own feelings, it is important to analyze them, ponder, ask yourself questions such as “Am I sure I want to live life with this person?”, “Am I ready (a) to accept him or her?”, try to track down the negative aspects of the chosen one, write them down and try to imagine that they belong to someone else.

Is it difficult to tolerate such a person? Would you like to do business with him?

In love (in the first few months), the color of pink glasses is most saturated, so it will be difficult to protect yourself from mistakes due to the fact that hormones cause the brain to perceive the chosen one exclusively positively even if he behaves disgustingly.

In principle, there is no ideal algorithm that is guaranteed not to make mistakes in feelings, since life is unpredictable, and even a person who behaves exemplarily can turn out to be completely different at any moment.

Romantic interactions are a journey of trial and error, and this is worth realizing.

The most important - time to notice that the relationship began to bring pain, not pleasure, warmth and tranquility, and abandon them as soon as possible.

Passion is the strongest feeling that arises at the level of instincts. This is a powerful passion and desire to completely possess another person. Physical attraction occurs at a subconscious level and cannot be controlled. Sooner or later at some point in life, everyone is faced with a similar feeling, but many people confuse the concepts of "passion" and "love" with each other, especially when they are in their teens. This happens because a person in both cases is irresistibly attracted to the other.

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How is love different from passion

In adulthood, a person usually already knows how to distinguish between love and passion between themselves. People understand that love is not only a candy-bouquet period and endless happiness, it is also a huge work on oneself and on relationships. Passion is more irresponsible and frivolous.

There is a huge difference between these feelings. Love is the spiritual closeness of two people, while passion is the desire to possess a person completely. Selfish feeling. However, without it, normal and harmonious relations in a couple, most likely, will not work. Physical attraction is the foundation on which relationships begin to build and subsequently true love is born. If the relationship is based only on passion, in such a situation people do not listen to each other's desires, and everyone wants to satisfy only their own needs. Passion, unlike love, is fleeting. It can disappear as quickly as it appeared. When a person achieves the object of passion, his desire fades away. But it is not uncommon for physical attraction to be reborn into true love.

Psychologists compare passion with the effects of drugs.

Love is more characterized by the desire to make the other half happy, even to the detriment of oneself. Experiencing sexual interest at the level of instinct, a person is focused only on satisfying his own needs. During passion, the strongest emotions prevail, and all thoughts rush to the object of adoration. Love, on the contrary, is a meaningful and calm feeling, when the happiness of another becomes much more important than your own. Interest is shown to the person, and appearance does not really matter.

What is the difference between love and infatuation

Signs of feelings

On the basis of love and physical attraction, long-term relationships are born that end with the creation of a family. In order not to make a serious mistake in his life, a person must be able to distinguish between these feelings. If you marry on, then the union will not bring happiness to any of the partners. When sexual interest fades, the relationship between the spouses will break.

Signs of Passion:

• insane interest in the body of another person;
• relationships are based on flirting, not heart-to-heart talk;
• there is a pathological feeling of jealousy and fear of loss;
• the object of passion is endowed with non-existent qualities, there is a reluctance to look at him with a sober look;
• requires increased attention to your person;
• spending time together is reduced to sexual contact and fun;
• the union is more like a relationship of lovers than friends.

To recognize love and passion, you need to listen to your own feelings and analyze feelings.

Love is expressed in the following signs:

• desire to get to know the person better;
• striving to be near “both in sorrow and in joy”;
• the desire to surround a partner with affection, care and warmth, without requiring the same attitude in return;
• need for communication on any topic;
• striving for understanding and respect for a partner;
• willingness to compromise;
• the desire to fulfill any request of a loved one;
• in bed in the first place is the satisfaction of the interests of the partner.

Love is a deep and creative feeling. Passion destroys and destroys; when a relationship breaks, it always hurts one of the partners. The one who experienced more serious feelings. It's unavoidable.

Stages of relationships between partners

Relationship stages based on love and sexual interest:

1. 1. Passionate relationship. The period of falling in love is exactly the moment when a person sees the object of his adoration through “rose-colored glasses” and endows him with non-existent qualities. Communication at this level does not take place with a real person, but with a fictitious phantom who is groomed, cherished and protected. After one or two years, the rose-colored glasses fall off, and the former lover experiences a feeling of great disappointment.
2. 2. True love with elements of passion. In this case, the priorities are set properly. Love is at the head and controls sensuality. This is the perfect union of a man and a woman.
3. 3. Love. Such relationships are not suitable for all couples. They are designed for people with a certain type of character and personality type. A sort of quiet harbor with eternal calm. The union may bore one of the partners, and the person will go to look for the missing emotions on the side. But if a couple is satisfied with this relationship, and they feel happy, their relationship will last for an extended period of time.

By nature, women are more emotional. However, passion is most important to men. During passionate love, they produce hormones that increase their effectiveness in any area of ​​​​life several times.

Love, infatuation, passion...

First love ... Everyone has it in their own way, but few have it easy and simple. Sometimes first love is called falling in love, sometimes it is called infatuation.

The difference between these concepts, in my opinion, is not only that a person can fall in love and get carried away more than once, but first love is still first love ... It is difficult to distinguish first love from real great love. There is nothing else to compare with.

Here is one of the countless definitions of love: “Love is Other-oriented behavior. The purpose of this behavior is to bring joy to the Other or reduce his suffering. In other words, love is expressed in the ability to perceive the emotions of a loved one and create an emotional echo.

A true lover knows the difficult art of sacrificing himself and at the same time not feeling like a victim, but, on the contrary, rejoicing that he got the opportunity to be useful to a loved one. Love is a variable quantity: from the fact that it exists today, it does not yet follow that it will always be. Love can flourish, but it can also hurt and die.

And the hobby? This is a strong, sometimes all-consuming attraction to another person. To get carried away means to attune yourself to the Other, because you need him. This means that a person who experiences infatuation is not capable, unlike a lover, of a joyful sacrifice.

Of course, it is impossible to draw a sharp line between love, falling in love, passion, especially since falling in love can imperceptibly develop into love. Only time will put everything in its place. If you want to know if you have loved for life, you will have to wait a lifetime.

And let people fall in love more! This is wonderful at any age, but in youth it is especially useful. The first love is like a grindstone on which great love is polished. This is a dress rehearsal, without which, as you know, there is no premiere. Even disappointments are valuable in their own way. A teenager learns to recognize love, feel, realize, evaluate it and endure disappointment if love remains unrequited.

First love, if you think about it, is not undivided, because it is self-sufficient. The main need - to see, hear, breathe the same air with a loved one - is satisfied even without the consent of the object of attraction itself.

A person often draws strength from his love, he is already happy that the Beloved or Beloved live in the world. Such love is legendary. Let us recall at least Niko Pirosmani and his beloved, the dancer Margarita, the one to whom he gave a million scarlet roses. Margarita is present in many of Pirosmani's paintings, and when we see her portraits, we are surprised - and what did he find in her?

They say that the great Russian actress Yermolova carried secret love through her whole life and the reflection of this unrequited love fell on all her brilliantly played roles. Yes, and we all loved someone, not making plans for the future, not counting on reciprocity, and were happy that we could occasionally see our loved one. Even unrequited love can be happy, and perhaps this is the happiest and most selfless love, because it does not require anything for itself, the main thing for it is that the beloved be happy. Such selfless feeling suggests a complete lack of possessive instincts, and some researchers believe that only this feeling can be called love. Only now the understanding of this does not come immediately. And what owners we are, especially in our youth, how often we confuse love with physical possession!

The difference between the sexes dictates a different attitude towards love among adolescents of the same age. A young man often seeks to achieve intimacy from a girl, even without being in love with her. And for a girl, the most important thing is to feel loved, so she often finds herself in a rather difficult position. She understands that there is no true love, but she really wants to be! That's why it's so hard for her to say "no" sometimes.

The Oriental treatise on love, The Peach Branch, defines love as follows:

There are three sources of human attraction: Soul, mind and body. The desires of the soul breed friendship. The inclinations of the mind breed respect. The desires of the body give rise to desire. The union of the three drives produces love.

But youthful sexuality is different from adult sexuality. If the mature physical love of adults is a harmonious unity of sensual-sexual attraction and the need for deep spiritual communication and mutual understanding of loving people, then in youth these two attractions do not mature simultaneously, and besides, in different ways for girls and boys. Although girls mature physiologically earlier, at first their need for tenderness, affection, emotional warmth and understanding is more pronounced than the need for physical intimacy. In young men, on the contrary, in most cases, a desire for physical intimacy appears earlier and much later there is a need for spiritual closeness, mutual understanding.

The need for spiritual understanding and sexual desires very often do not coincide and can be directed to different objects. According to one sexologist, "A young man does not love a woman to whom he is sexually attracted, and he is not sexually attracted to a girl he loves, he has a chaste attitude towards a girl who arouses tender feelings in him."

Due to the different characteristics of the sexual maturation of girls and boys, mutual misunderstanding, vain illusions and, as a result, disappointment can occur. Since girls first have a spiritual need for love, and not a sexual one, then, as a rule, a girl enters into her first sexual contact with the guy she really likes, with whom she is in love. Others are usually judged by themselves, so many girls think that the guy who enters into intimacy with her is in love with her. But in young men, sexual maturation is ahead of the stage of spiritual need for love, so they are sometimes ready for sexual contact with women who are indifferent or even unpleasant to them. As a result, the sexual relationship of a young man may not have anything to do with falling in love, and he suggests that the girl also enters into a relationship because she experiences physiological needs for sex, and not love. With such a discrepancy between the psychosexual characteristics of boys and girls, mutual disappointment often occurs. The girl thinks that “he is a scoundrel, left me, deceived me,” and the young man is sincerely perplexed: “I did not promise her anything! We just had sex together, what does love have to do with it? As the saying goes, "bed is not a reason to get acquainted."

Very often, teenagers enter into sexual relationships due to a lack of warmth and love in the family. They need not so much sex as affection, friendship, acceptance of themselves by Others, which they believe sex will bring them. They are driven by a need for closeness that they did not get at home. For some, the question is: "If I want to be caressed, hugged, I need to have sexual relations." Many teenage girls say that they were not interested in sex - they just wanted to be hugged by a man. Girls, in particular, seek intimacy that goes beyond sex.

Teenagers are busy searching fruitlessly for physical intimacy without understanding what real intimacy is. Sex for them is a substitute for intimacy. It is easier to get into bed with a person than to share his dreams, anxieties and hopes. People are afraid of true intimacy because it makes them vulnerable. Joint emotional life requires self-disclosure, and for many, revealing your innermost “I” to another person is a frightening prospect.

According to sociologists and medical observations, the average teenager's sexual life begins at the age of sixteen and a half. Of course, we are sure that it is early. Even too much. Teenagers don't think so. About 7% of the surveyed schoolchildren aged 10–15 years believe that it is normal to start at the age of 13, 9% - that at 15, 14% - that at 17 years old, and only 5% of the respondents believe that sexual activity should begin at 20 years. (Probably only these 5% somehow link the onset of sexual activity with marriage.)

Statistics are statistics, but in reality, in big cities, half of the boys and a quarter of girls already have sexual experience by the age of 16. These are not some "street children" - these are ordinary children from ordinary families.

A simple question: why do girls at the age of 12-14 agree to first intimacy?

Are they on fire with passion? Not at all! Nature will leave them indifferent to sex for a long time to come. Kissing, squeezing dances is another matter. And sexual intercourse is scary, painful, something is torn, blood is flowing - everything is known, even from girlfriends. You can get pregnant, you can get infected. But… the boy insists. And this in 48 cases out of a hundred decides the case. The young woman agrees because she is afraid that her friend will be offended and leave her. Becomes "friends" with her girlfriend.

And another factor, confirmed by sociologists, is the desire to experience something forbidden, secret and, judging by the films, very pleasant.

So it turns out that the girl who played with Barbie yesterday begins to play "true love". Sometimes these games end very badly.