So, you are parents and your task is to raise your child.. It would seem that everything is clear, but the question is how do you do it? Do you negotiate or shout, push with authority or let everything take its course, give up or look for points of mutual understanding.

If you haven’t decided on your parenting strategy yet or none of the ones you’ve chosen have worked before, don’t worry. There is an exit! Find out how to find an approach to a child and remove the issue of obedience from the agenda in our material today.

Parents in search

A little history. Perhaps every parent remembers stories about how before, when there were many children in the family, they were not really treated on ceremony. The head of the family was the parent, his word was indisputable, and his authority could not be doubted even in his thoughts.

Now everything has changed exactly the opposite - the child has become the main value in the family, and we, parents, invest the maximum in him. We try to give the best, develop talents, not limit his choice and in no way put pressure.

Is all this easy for us? No, because at any age, when you need a child to simply obey. But how to achieve this?

Family relationship specialist François Sengly explains: “In the modern family, the concept of parental authority has been devalued. In our families they don’t say “As I said, so it will be” and on the one hand this is good. But what to do with impulsive children's emotions and desires? Some parents, who are rightly confident that shouting, threats and spanking will not solve the problem, simply do not know how to stop the child in any other way.”

It is really not so easy to achieve obedience from a child in the era of free education. In the combat arsenal of parents there are various:

• cajoling “Let’s do this, now you collect your toys, and I’ll give you candy”;
• trade “Either you now eat every last crumb or I won’t buy you a new toy”;
• blackmail “If you don’t do your homework, you can forget about computer games”;
• persuasion “Please, I beg you, clean up your room.”

Having become a teenager, a child raised in such unconstructive conditions will feel his unquestioned power and will begin to take full advantage of his special position.

Education methods

Finding the golden mean and balance are the basic rules for success both in life in general and in education in particular.

Your helpers are kindness and constructiveness. Your opponents are meaningless prohibitions and coercions.

We have also prepared 6 simple helping rules for you:

1. Clear requests . “Clean up the room” is a very vague requirement, and if the child is not in the mood for work (and most often this is the case), he may not pay attention to it, because he does not understand where to start. Create a cleanup routine by first saying, “Pick up the books off the floor,” and then asking (or demanding) something else to be done.

2. "I-statements" . “You are a terrible lazy person”, “It’s impossible to talk to you”, “You don’t want to do anything” - such comments in no way motivate the child and do not help you establish communication at all. At first he will be offended, and then he will completely stop paying attention to them. Magic “I-statements”, for example, “It’s difficult for me to be with you”, “I’m tired today, could you please...” sound more respectful, so the child will be able to hear them and try to change something in himself.

3. Emphasis on the positive . Saying, “I wish you would respect your parents more” is better than saying, “I wish you would stop fighting with us.” In the phrases “don’t scream” or “don’t cry,” the particle “not” is poorly perceived by the brain and you get the exact opposite result - even more screaming or tears. Form phrases correctly and always do it!

4. Sincere praise . Both children and adults want to be loved, respected and recognized. Notice his actions, choices, decisions, this will allow you not to lose his trust. And see point 3 - focus on the positive. You shouldn’t think, much less say, “there’s nothing even to praise him for”! Got up on time, spent less time at the computer, didn’t stain your clothes, smiled kindly and didn’t grumble back at you - all this also counts! The less often you do this, the fewer real reasons there will be for this.

5. Embrace .Children vitally need tactile contact. If a child avoids hugs, it means he is afraid of you or is offended for something. Be sure to talk openly about the reasons for this behavior, and if the child does not have problems or negativity, hug to your heart’s content! Even if the child has grown up and does not want to be cuddled, touching the hand, patting the shoulder, ruffling the hair is always acceptable, always pleasant and always helps communication.

6. Personal example . None of our advice or your moralizing will work if you yourself do not do what you require of your child. You are the main example for your son or daughter; he will do what he sees, and not what you say. If you want him to eat right, be interested in studies or play sports - do it yourself! If you want him to be attentive and open, communicate respectfully with the little person from childhood, be interested in his opinion, listen to his advice.

Do you have your own educational tricks? Share your finds in the comments to the material.

Many parents at one time or another ask themselves the question: how to find an approach to their child and how to attract his attention to something. Modern children spend their free time at the computer and are not interested in anything other than watching cartoons. But we will consider several options on how to find an approach to the child.

Option 1

Try to talk to your child as much as possible. For example, on your way home, you can show your child the shops and read the signs together. Many kids get fascinated by reading signs and cannot come home until they have read all the signs. Indeed, with the help of this advice, you can instill in your child a love of reading. As for reading, reading fairy tales or books together brings us closer together. If you want to get closer to your child, invite him to read an interesting book at night. We are sure that your efforts will not be in vain.

Option 2

Joint leisure. Walk with your child in the fresh air as much as possible. In the summer you can come up with many active games; these interactions will bring you closer to your child. You can play in the sandbox, building towers, and don’t forget about talking with your child. He should be the center of attention.

How to find an approach to a child photo

Only when he feels connected to you will he easily make contact. Young children are very sensitive to their family, but at the same time they require attention. Parents should pay due attention to the child and the development of their child, since in childhood you lay the foundation for development.

Option 3

Read magazines and books together. From childhood, it is necessary to instill in a child a love of reading and literature in general. To begin, choose a book genre that interests your child. After all, if a child is not interested in the themes of the stories, he will not want to listen, much less perceive the information he reads. Children often love to listen to fairy tales, but do not overdo it with reading fairy tales. After all, after reading fairy tales, children will not be able to distinguish the real world from the fairy tale world.

An excellent alternative to books is watching Soviet fairy tales or cartoons. It is Soviet fairy tales that are a good educator for your baby. While watching fairy tales, the child will understand what is good and what is bad. Kids will find themselves in a fairy tale or a hero who is similar to them in some way. A very important point is self-education. While watching, he will realize what can be done, and what actions have a bad impact on society or people.

Option 4

The key to a successful childhood is proper upbringing. Young parents must clearly understand that their duty is to raise a worthy person who is ready to live and has developed in society. To do this, I need to talk to the child and explain to him the basics of life, which he will actively use in the future. Of course, ideal children do not exist, but every child is obliged to be a normal person.

Discuss pressing topics with your child. Every day ask your child: How is he doing? What happened to him? Hearing these questions, he will feel that he is needed, and you are interested in his problems. The most important thing is to be sincere in your conversations with your child, try to talk with the whole family.

In the field of psychology, the most subtle and vulnerable topic is child psychology. A child is still an unformed personality; he grows and gradually learns about the world. Therefore, finding the right approach to him is much more difficult than to an adult who has certain formed views and an objective understanding of certain things.

Features of child psychology

The peculiarities of child psychology are that the child does not yet understand many things and can be easily deceived. He still does not know how to look for relationships between things and events and it is difficult for him to distinguish truth from fiction. And since adults are an authority and role model for him, he believes them.

This especially applies to children under five years of age. Between the ages of two and four years, a child’s psyche begins to develop. Therefore, this period of the child must be treated very responsibly. You need to try to find the right approach to the baby. And remember that each child is individual and each person’s psychological processes proceed differently. During such a period, one child may be calm and even withdrawn, while another, on the contrary, may have frequent mood swings and unreasonable reactions. This can often cause parents to feel a lack of mutual understanding with their child.

Finding the right approaches

How to find the right approach to a child at this age? To do this, you should treat him like an adult. Children go through certain stages during their development. Up to the age of five years there is a period of so-called play or imitation. At this time, babies begin to adopt the behavior of adults. Therefore, you must not forget that you serve as an example for him. For a child, imitation of adults is a game, but all this is firmly deposited in his subconscious.

Also, at the age of two to four years, especially closer to 4, children show great curiosity about everything that surrounds them. But many adults answer children's questions with either excuses or lies. Don't think that children are stupid. They are often much smarter than adults. And if an adult’s untruth is declassified, then the child’s degree of trust in elders decreases. Against this background, backlashes and conflict situations may arise. You need to treat your baby’s curiosity with patience and find the right answers for him.

Increased attention is the key to trust

During this period, the child requires increased attention. From lack of attention from elders, he may develop isolation. It will be difficult for him to adapt to the world around him, to find a common language not only with adults, but also with his peers. At this time, it is better to avoid yelling and harsh punishments. Especially if the child has become irritable and has frequent mood swings. After all, baby development is a natural process. You just need to be patient and get through it. And constant shouting at a child will not lead to anything good. This can only worsen his condition and negatively affect your relationship with him.

The age from two to four years is a rather difficult period in raising a child. In order to find the right approach to your child, treat him like an adult. Let him see that he is treated equally. This will give him confidence and make your relationship with him more trusting.

Christina asks:

Good afternoon Please tell me how to behave with my daughter, she doesn’t listen to anyone at all. She is 3 years 2 months old. When my dad and I try to explain to her, let’s say, “You can’t throw a ball at the TV,” she doesn’t listen to us at all and continues to do her own thing. When we go to the store with her, she generally gets out of control, takes everything she wants, throws it on the floor, and if you start telling her “that you can’t carry yourself like that, it’s not nice,” she starts screaming at the whole store and throwing tantrums. Tell me how to find an approach to it?

Hello, Christina!
Considering the age of the child, such a reaction from your daughter is quite natural (this is the age of crisis of 3 years). Persistence, with the right direction from adults, is later transformed into determination. The correct reaction of all family members to screams and hysterics will help the “crisis of age” pass smoothly and to the benefit of the child. Through screams and hysterics, a child learns to manipulate people, achieve an intended goal, demand his own, and tries in different ways to gain attention from others and significant people. Many children and parents go through this. I offer you these basic rules for parents, which it is advisable to adhere to, and especially (!) during a period of age crisis in a child. So, it is advisable for parents to:
If we are going to ban something (preferably less frequently), then 100% of it. If one adult prohibits it, other adults also prohibit it. This is especially true in cases where the child’s health is in danger. This also applies to moral standards and traditions accepted in your family.
Tell your child “No”, but don’t feel guilty.
Realistically assess the situation: where is the “concert” taking place, are there spectators, after what ban did the baby rebel?
Do without lengthy moralizing. In moments of “explosions of emotions” the child controls his emotions, try (!) to be calm and friendly. Do not put “labels”.
Be patient with the child. It can be difficult, but it is necessary.
Talk about your love for your child not only when the baby did something right.
Give enough time to your baby. Children love when adults spend time with them. But don’t forget about personal time.
Explain “why” and “how”, provide the child with new information.
Allow the child to express both negative and positive emotions, while teaching the child to express negative emotions in acceptable ways.
Keep your promise, do not deceive your child.
Give simple and clear instructions. Be consistent in your actions.
Respect your child.

These rules (principles) apply to all close adults who live and communicate with the child. Remember that children take a lot from their family and copy their parents’ behavior. And now, you are a role model for your child!