It is bad when children grow up essentially dependents, getting used to the fact that their parents serve them in everything. It's not a problem that this is a burden on parents - many parents are happy with this burden - the trouble is that such children are not able to take care of themselves and remain children even when everyone around them has already matured. Who needs such an armless and irresponsible man when he is essentially still a child? Who needs a woman like that if she can't keep house and can't even cook breakfast?

It's good when parents teach their children to do basic self-care, and it's great when they teach their children to take care of the whole family after that. If the family has a cheerful and kind atmosphere, it is a joy for a child to participate in common cooking. Together with mom, cutting cheese and cabbage, lighting the stove, laying out spoons and forks on the table is the most exciting game and at the same time a source of pride.

The usual difficulty here is not that the child cannot or does not want to help parents, the main difficulty here is more often that it is easier and faster for the mother to do everything herself than to organize the child, explain everything to him, guide, teach and eliminate the consequences of his mistakes and ineptitude - and all this is inevitable. Every leader faces this difficulty: it is easier to do everything yourself than to train employees and delegate their affairs to them. However, a good leader is obliged to do this, respectively, you need to accustom yourself, teach yourself this and mothers.

So, the first stage in preparing children for adulthood - children step by step master self-service. The second stage - children help their parents in common family affairs. The third stage is cooperation, when children participate in common family affairs on an equal basis with adults. And the final stage is adulthood, when the one who used to be a child takes care of family affairs and, if necessary, organizes adults to help him. When children help their parents, the main responsibility and the main work is on the parents. As a moment in the matter of education, this is normal, but as a way of family life, it is wrong. It’s right when parents can already transfer all the main family affairs to their children, so that the children take it upon themselves and cope with them. Children should work around the house, not parents, just as in a company, current affairs are done by employees, not the manager. A good leader is one who can do nothing, and everything in the company will happen without him. Good parents are those who can completely rely on their children, do not worry about household chores, but everything will be done.

So, in a good family, it is not the children who help their parents, but the parents should help the children. In a good family, children take on all the basic household duties, and parents only admire them. When this happened, our children really matured.

"Mom, listen to me, now I will not help you with household chores. I will remove you from household chores, now I will do everything, and you will now rest, walk and take care of your health. You will help me when I am ask you for help? Thank you for teaching me everything!"

Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov

Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn't be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.

Whether it is necessary to burden the child with household chores is an ambiguous question for many parents. On the one hand, not so long ago, by the age of 7, a child was already so independent that he could be considered a full-fledged assistant in the family (go to the store, clean the apartment, and sit with younger children), and such upbringing was in the order of things. On the other hand, the current trend to give a child a carefree childhood is a kind of trend that seems to be followed. Helping a child around the house is often seen as the exploitation of child labor, something that interferes with the full flow of childhood.

Of course, the life of a modern child is often very full of various circles and sections. And the parents believe that it will be too much to impose any more duties on him. Yes, and it is much easier to do all the necessary things in the household on your own, without the awkward attempts of the child to help.

However, does this approach give a positive result? Unfortunately, not always. Protecting a child from household chores leads to a delay in his social and personal development. Such children, growing up, often suffer from increased egocentrism, inadequate self-esteem and dissatisfaction with the quality of their lives. After all, without learning in childhood the significance of labor and help, the child cannot adequately assess the conditions created for him in the family, and does not realize the happiness of his childhood.

3 advantages of labor education of a child

Development of self-respect. Psychological studies show that children who perform certain household duties feel necessary and significant in the family, therefore they have an adequately high self-esteem, are not afraid of difficulties and are ready to cooperate with others.

Self-discipline. Household duties of the child are taught to calculate their strength. First, an adult helps him, consistently giving the baby feasible tasks, and then he himself learns to divide the big task facing him into small, but quite doable steps. For example, you need to water the flowers. To do this, pour water into the jar, let it settle, then take the jar and carefully water the flowers.

Preparation for school. The helper child comes to school age prepared for the need not only to receive something from others, but also to make an effort to achieve a result. All the victories of the kid (self-tied shoelaces, peeled potatoes, washed plate) are necessary for him to prove to himself and to everyone that he is capable of much.

The child helps around the house: how to distribute responsibilities?

Only the parents themselves, based on the individual characteristics of the child and the living conditions of the family, will be best able to come up with things that the baby will do with pleasure. However, there are some tips for adults in this matter.

1 year. "I'm looking." Toddlers begin to show an active interest in what their parents do at home, already after a year, when they have the physical ability to move independently. At this age, they are happy to play with the pans they have obtained, study the household appliances that have come across, copy the actions of their mother with rags and napkins.

2–3 years. "I want to help!" Children are already insistently asking to be allowed to do housework. What can be entrusted to the baby at this age? Self-service duties: wash, brush teeth, undress and dress (at least in general terms), put clothes on your shelf, etc. Tidying up: put your toys back in place, collect crumbs from the table with a rag. To increase the interest of the crumbs in household chores, mom can bring an element of the game into any business. For example, a crane made of children's hands will help to put the toys in their places, and during the evening washing, the clean fairy will come to visit.

4 years. "I can do a lot!" The child is already able to cope with real things: help pick up a grocery basket in the supermarket, load the washing machine, hang and remove clothes from the dryer, wipe the dust, etc. Always praise the baby and thank him for his help.

5 years. "Can I help you tomorrow?" At this age, a child can become a full-fledged assistant to an adult in all household chores, so parents can only choose the circle of his activities. However, it is during this period that children often wake up unwillingness to fulfill their duties. In this case, it would be useful to use more stringent methods of education, that is, to require the fulfillment of duties. The main thing is that such an approach should still be applied briefly and situationally.

Labor education of a child: the main mistakes of parents

Unfortunately, a situation often arises when parents seem to be ready to entrust the performance of any household duties to a child, but he is not eager to help. But even in such a situation, the reasons for the behavior of the baby are more dependent on the parents themselves, so they should be recognized in time.

- Lack of a positive reaction to the efforts of the baby. The first attempts of the baby to help mom and dad are often clumsy and lead to even more trouble, so parents often dismiss his efforts or reproach him for his negligence and the consequences received from help. And then the child loses the desire to offer his help, because instead of approval, he is afraid to receive criticism again.

- There are no living conditions. It is unlikely that the baby will retain the desire and initiative to help around the house if he physically requires the intervention of an adult to perform certain actions. For example, a broom and a dustpan are too large and are stored in an inaccessible place, there are no coasters or stools, toys are on the top shelves of the rack. Sometimes it is enough to make the house comfortable for the child, so that he feels like a master in it and shows responsibility for order.

- Lack of clear household chores for the child. Constancy is necessary for young children, it is the basis of their safety and comfort. Therefore, if parents irregularly and unexpectedly for the child remember that he needs to put away toys or take dirty dishes to the sink, the baby will resist.

- Misperception of responsibilities. Very often, work, especially domestic, domestic, is presented by adults from the negative side, as something forced and uninteresting. Therefore, the child develops an idea of ​​household duties as a punishment rather than a privilege. Parents themselves need to fall in love with household chores so that the baby is happy to join them.

- Feelings of guilt in parents. It happens that parents, due to their employment, feel guilty before the baby, so they are not internally sure that they have the right to burden him with household chores. A child from infancy is a wonderful manipulator, subtly feeling the weaknesses of his parents and skillfully using them. Therefore, adults themselves must first gain confidence in the correctness of their requirements, so that the baby can adequately perceive them.

The best thing that parents can do for their baby is to see in him a personality, complete and independent, and create conditions for him to feel needed and significant.

Is your toddler easily distracted and forgets about his responsibilities? In this case, it is worth providing for him some noticeable reminder, for example, a multi-colored chamomile, where each petal is painted and glued after completing a particular task, or a piggy bank with duty tokens (colored paper circles). After completing his work, the kid can receive a token and throw it into the piggy bank. If in the evening all 3 (5, 8, etc.) tokens are in such a piggy bank, the child can receive a small reward - for example, a favorite bedtime story.

It remains to figure out at what age to teach a child to work, whether it is worth making children work or it is better to use little tricks so as not to turn duties into daily hard labor.

Everything has its time

Already from the age of two, the child is able to provide all possible assistance around the house. It is worth highlighting the word “feasible”, since it is difficult to call small assignments full-fledged work. However, the desire for independence must be encouraged in every possible way.

What do children trust in different age periods?

This period is also called the crisis of the age of three, which is characterized, among other things, by the desire to become more independent. This feature must be taken into account by attentive parents.

A two-year-old child is already able to fulfill the simplest requests: give mom gloves, a wallet, books, a case for glasses, etc.

All these things should be safe for the baby - that is, you can not ask to bring something sharp, heavy or fragile.

During this age period, children learn self-care skills, so the child’s desire to take off and put on trousers, swimming trunks, and T-shirts should be encouraged in every possible way.

Parents are also required to show him where to put things for storage.

If a child at this age sees how parents work at home and generally have a positive attitude towards the performance of various duties, the process of accustoming to work will be greatly simplified, since there will be a positive example before their eyes.

The problem is widespread, and its causes depend largely on the behavior of the mothers and fathers themselves.

1. The child has not formed the habit of not only helping adults, but simply cleaning up after themselves. The parents or grandmothers themselves are to blame for this, of course. After all, it’s a pity for the kid, and why should he wash the dishes, if he grows up, he’ll get more.
2. Adult family members do not differ in cleanliness at all. For example, a father does not put his clothes in a wardrobe, a mother leaves a whole mountain of dirty dishes in the morning. The apartment itself has not been renovated for a long time, so the desire to clean something quickly disappears.
3. Each member of the family lives separately, there is no habit of doing collective work - making repairs, planting potatoes. The child naturally grows up as an individualist and egoist.
4. Adults do not praise their son or daughter for completed assignments, good grades, etc. That is, any work is considered a duty, and it seems like it is not necessary to praise for it.
5. Some parents have a kind of "politics", characterized by a constant change in mood and requirements. That is, the mother at first does not pay attention to the unmade bed, and then forces her to arrange a general cleaning.
6. Some adults begin to force children, which causes the latter to protest violently. This is especially common in.

And yet the most common reason is that parents do not see the difference between a happy and carefree childhood. In the first case, the child works for himself and others for the good, and carelessness is different in that all the accents are transferred from vigorous activity to permanent rest.

In order not to face the laziness of a teenager, you need to start raising a child with labor from an early age. Naturally, the choice of occupation should take into account the age and characteristics of the offspring.

So, there are a lot of reasons for children to refuse to help their parents. And if some do everything themselves without reminders, then it is almost impossible to get at least some support from the second. How to fix the behavior of the little "nehochuha"?

First of all, you should not panic and compare your child with other, more hardworking children. And in order to change children's behavior, you must first change yourself.

• communicate more with your child, giving up sitting at the computer and watching television. Perhaps this is universal advice, as they say, for all occasions;
• stop scolding the child for any reason. On the contrary, try to get closer and find out his preferences. Perhaps knowledge of addictions will help him choose the appropriate type of activity;
• If you make a promise, be sure to keep it. It will also help establish a trusting parent-child relationship;
• be sure to praise even the smallest help. Let your child know that you appreciate his efforts.

After establishing a more trusting relationship, use the tips presented above. If positive results are not achieved, try to contact a psychologist. He will study the situation from all sides and suggest the most optimal solution to this problem.

Brief conclusions

Learning to work is not always an easy process. Perhaps you have your own solution to the situation, but still It will be useful to remember what is needed:

• support children's initiative;
• help the child with the difficulties that arise, teach how to correctly perform this or that action;
• do not pay for household chores;
• always say "thank you" for the effort;
• do not demand, but ask or offer to perform work;
• take into account the characteristics and preferences of the child;
• do not punish with labor for misconduct;
• set a positive example.

In order for the child to know how to help his mother, you need to start accustoming him to household chores from an early age. In this case, you will not have trouble in the future with a little helper.

And finally, it should be noted that the desire to do everything on your own (because it's faster) can play a cruel joke in the future. If you don’t want to hear a rude refusal from the child to ask for help at one fine moment, be patient and work together with the baby.

And, if at first everything does not work out for him, then very soon you will be able to trust him with more serious matters. For everyone's joy and benefit.

Is it possible to force children to do their household chores, or is this an impossible and completely hopeless undertaking? This article is about how to deal with teenage laziness Is it possible to achieve any results in this noble cause, and most importantly, how to achieve them. The ingenuity of children who dodge homework is truly admirable, it would be for peaceful purposes! However, every now and then you have to hear from the ingratiating: “I’ll later, mommy, okay?” to the indignant: “I WILL NOT do this!!!”.

Why children do not want to take on part of the housework?! How force them to take part in household chores of the family?

Why do teenagers not want to help around the house?

To the question "why?" easy answer: because they have more interesting things to do! Friends (online and offline), love, games, social media…

It seems to us, adults, that teenagers are simply lazy and waste time for nothing, but for them all these activities are filled with the greatest meaning. And I, by the way, agree with them on this, because they do nothing else, but finding your place in our world the means available to them. They go out of the family into society, and this is very important for them. And the attempt to “return to the family” is completely opposite to the vector of their interest. Even if this vector is allegedly directed inward (as in adolescent introverts,

An attempt to turn the child 180 degrees is doomed to failure. The chick breaks the egg, the chick flies out of the nest, the wolf cub leaves the lair. How do you imagine a quack mother with such a message: “ Get back into your shell and clean it up!", or mother wolf:" Put the bones in one corner and sweep the floor with your tail!”

Animals are wiser: birds teach to fly, and wolves learn to hunt. Only people, it is not clear why, try to keep the cubs at home, by the skirt. The reason is clear - it’s easier for them and less so that they will do something to their own detriment.

Why do parents force their children to help around the house?

Let's tell ourselves the truth, dear parents, about What is your child's household chores for YOU?. My version (the result of observations and detailed inquiries of parents) is as follows:

• Parents run a family program . “They did this to me, so it’s necessary!”
• Way to interact with the child . "Educate", show their power, control, that is, always have an "iron" reason for nitpicking.
• Worry for the child. “How will you live if you don’t know how to wash socks (vacuum, fold toys, wash dishes, take out the trash ...) ?!”
• Seeking to make your adult life easier as a parent . “We all live here, why should someone alone keep order?”

This last reason I consider the only and natural reason to fight the child's laziness and accustom him to household duties.

And with other reasons, it is worth understanding in more detail so that they do not create unnecessary “interference” in our parental minds.

Fulfillment of the family program

Of course, I am for family traditions, respect for one's family and so on. But, there are things that require reflection and adaptation to modern conditions. Household chores are one of them. certainly not like your life as a child, and your parents' childhood is not like yours. Why should the requirements be the same?

Often I hear this argument: I was kept in strictness, I had duties, and now I grew up as a decent person!» And when asked how this person treated his parents in adolescence, the answer is something like this: My parents didn't understand me. ».

That is, you were “built” and did not understand, and you do the same with children? What for? Are you taking revenge on them? As in the army during hazing? It is possible, of course, and so, but if you love your children and want reciprocity, why blindly repeat what you yourself did not like? At least change the shape! Deal with teen laziness need more subtle methods, but how namely, this is the main question, and about it below.

Forced to do something around the house is a way of interaction between parents and children.

The second reason from our list. Sometimes parents choose this way of interaction because they don't know another way.. The interests of the child are not suspected, contact has long been lost. They don’t know how to restore it, but in order to maintain some kind of communication, they pester with demands. The hidden message of the parent is “See me, I am!«

This is also way to show your power. Parents need a relationship with their children, and in an emotional relationship! They don’t know how to show their love, so they find a reason to swear: “ Why didn't you take out the trash?!" and off we go...

The child is in a deaf defense or in the open. All he does is come up with new excuses, as if not to do what you force him to do. What you consider laziness is actually resistance - the struggle for one's own. Or, if you suppressed him, he sadly submits and dreams of that happy day when he leaves to study somewhere.

In fact, both he and you need normal communication, and you can choose a more worthy occasion for him, than endlessly pointing out to him that he does not fit the template of an ideal son (daughter).

Worry for the child

From the category " How are you going to live if you don't learn how to clean up after yourself?» Looks like a very worthy occasion. But in practice it does not justify itself.
I have never seen a man who died from the fact that he did not know how to wash dishes, or vacuum. Girls (and boys too!), when they leave from under their mother's wing, very quickly get used to taking care of their special person: cooking, cleaning, washing, and so on.

My friend did not know how to cook anything but scrambled eggs, having left her husband at the age of 20 far from her parents' house, she learned the ideal housekeeping in a year. Asked friends, read cookbooks.

Moreover, if your child is lazy to help you around the house, and you constantly "burden" him with demands to do something, by this you do not at all bring up love for this (as you may think). a cause him a strong aversion to domestic duties.

From personal experience

As a result, when I got married, I really had quarrels about cleaning (I cleaned, of course, but according to my husband, it wasn’t clean enough!), But because of cooking ... no one ever reproached me for anything! I do not consider myself an ideal cook, but I cook with inspiration, but I still clean without a spark ...

So decide for yourself whether you need to put negative programs in the heads of children. I still stand on the positions that the future will take care of itself, and you need to think about today.

When calling on children to help, think about your current interests.

So, let's move on to the only sane reason: desire to make your life easier. It looks like selfishness, very similar! This is what prevents parents from telling themselves the truth: they children need help!

I must say that I have nothing against selfishness. Healthy selfishness does not allow children (husbands, wives, friends, neighbors, bosses) to climb on our heads. Therefore, let's honestly admit that we need the help of children around the house in order to we have there was less work, and more free time (which parents need as much as children!) more. And now we can smoothly move on to the question "How?".

How to get kids to help their parents around the house?

• Call for justice. Teenagers respect fairness, and if you say, "It's not fair that I do all the housework. You live here too!” This can lead to a dialogue in which you will be able to list what exactly you are doing and invite the child to take over what he chooses. Agree, it looks better than: "Immediately wash the dishes !!!" You always need to give the opportunity to choose, then a person feels free.

Same here : well, if you don't just ask for help, but talk about your feelings. After all, the child does not know what is inside you when you speak in the voice of an iron lady: "Put your clothes away immediately!" But if it sounds like this: “I’m offended that I have to do everything myself, I feel tired and unloved' is a completely different matter. Helping you, he will feel like a protector, a hero, an assistant, and not a slave.

• Cultivate a sense of ownership. Responsibility follows ownership, never the other way around! And it occurs only when a person knows that for him (cleaning, laundry, lessons) no one will do it, because no one else needs it!

You have created a home, it is yours. And the child knows that he will leave him, therefore, despite the fact that he lives there, he does not treat him as “his own”, even if he has a room.

psychologist
Julia Golovkina

Personal consultations will help you solve individual issues

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Should children be given responsibilities? Of course, they help the full, adequate formation of personality. The assignment and successful fulfillment of any duties exalts the child in his own eyes. Gradually, the baby learns to interact with others and begins to consider himself as a person who can help.

The duties of a child and an adult are not comparable. They are much easier. The duties of the baby can be interpreted, rather, as all possible help around the house. Instructions must be age appropriate. Otherwise, you can cause resentment, anger, aggression, or a sense of his own inferiority.

At the same time, you should not completely protect the child from household chores, hoping that he will still have enough time to learn everything. So you run the risk of raising a person unprepared for independent life. Who better to teach him and turn a blind eye to mistakes, if not his parents?

Based on your own expectations and skills of the child, you can give him a variety of tasks. However, certain duties must be introduced into his life gradually. Talk to the baby and decide together what her feasible contribution will be.

It is advisable to give her the opportunity to choose things for herself. Show her if the baby does not understand exactly how to do this. However, never do it for her.

Designate the quality criteria by which the quality of its work will be evaluated in the future. Agree deadlines. Report the consequences that come into effect after failure to complete instructions.

Do not set too high limits for the baby. Perhaps you are a perfectionist and always strive for perfection. The child is not yet endowed with the skills and abilities of an adult, so do not set standards that are unattainable for him. Otherwise, he will not want to help anymore.

Periodically change the scope of his duties so that the child does not get bored with monotonous work. Although, some can be firmly introduced into his life, for example, collecting his toys or taking care of animals. Also, don't overload it with too many to-do lists.

According to the degree of duration, duties can be divided into permanent and situational cases. Permanent duties are understood as those that a child is awarded from a certain age on an ongoing basis, for example, the ability to dress independently, the duty to respect adults. Situational cases are short-lived. These are small tasks that parents can give to their child.

How to teach a child to work

The kid always watches the actions of adults. By their example, he gradually learns to act in one way or another in various situations. The time comes and he has a strong desire to do something on his own. This makes him feel big. This is a good time for a soft, unobtrusive introduction to work. A few recommendations:

1. If a child refuses your order, do not get angry and do not force him. Better talk to him about why he doesn't want to. Explain why this needs to be done.
2. The kid will feel the importance of his help, and want to provide it once again if your requests are not voiced in an orderly tone. Instead of saying “do it now,” say “could you?”
3. Praise the child for his efforts and the desire to do something. Let at first it does not turn out the way you would like. Words of approval are vital to building a positive self-image.
4. Sometimes, if he really deserves it, you can encourage him, but in no case with money. He will begin to think that his parents owe him money to do household chores. Help will no longer be selfless.
5. With the introduction of new duties, it is necessary to expand the field of his freedom. Let's say he can go to bed a little later or play a little more.
6. Doing things themselves can be turned into an interesting game. Your imagination will tell you how to do it.

What is under the power of children of different ages

A 3 year old kid is capable:

• put toys away
• take spoons, forks, napkins, plates to the table;
• put books and magazines on the shelves;
• clean your place at the table after eating;
• possess elementary hygiene skills (for example, wash);
• undress and dress independently with the participation of adults.

Child 4 years old is ready:

• set the table, carry good plates;
• help with the purchase of groceries;
• help clean up the yard
• feed domestic animals;
• spread and make the bed;
• help wash dishes
• wipe dust on furniture;
• put food on plates;
• prepare cold breakfasts (pour cereal);
• butter bread;
• get mail from the box;
• participate in the preparation of a simple dessert;
• hang things to dry;
• fold clothes.

The five-year-old can be entrusted with:

• help prepare food according to the recipe (add ingredients);
• to clean the room;
• prepare a sandwich or a simple breakfast for yourself;
• dress yourself, fold clothes;
• clean the toilet, sink, bathroom;
• sort and clean washed laundry;
• clean mirrors;
• participate in car washing;
• pay for small purchases;
• receive phone calls;
• taking out the trash.

A six-year-old can already:

• dress according to the weather;
• vacuum the carpet;
• collect breakfast for school;
• water the flowers;
• clean vegetables;
• weed the grass;
• walk pets;
• help clean the car
• make sure the trash is taken out.

The seven-year-old can:

• clean up the yard
• take care of your bike
• water the garden;
• carry shopping bags;
• wash pets;
• to iron clothes.

A child of 8, 9 years old can be offered:

• wash floors;
• wash the clothes;
• sew up holes, sew on buttons;
• make simple meals;
• clean up after pets;
• paint;
• participate in washing the refrigerator;
• bathe and feed their younger brothers and sisters;
• clean the house.

At 9, 10 years old, a child can be asked:

• change bed linen;
• load and turn on the machine, pour in the powder;
• make purchases on the list;
• cook meals for the whole family;
• wash the car.

At 10, 11 years old, the child is ready to earn extra money on his own, plus all of the above.

Child 11, 12 can:

• clean the pool
• take care of the garden;
• help dad, do men's work;
• clean the oven and hob.

The introduction of duties into a child's life must be combined with the granting of certain rights. Their implementation should not depend on the mood of others. Otherwise, the child will become angry, there will be a desire for revenge, and his zeal for cooperation will decrease.

Is it any wonder that he also does not want to carry out your instructions?

Dear blog readers, and what duties does your child perform in the family, leave comments or reviews below. Someone will find this very useful!