She bursts into your life like a tornado. You can’t sleep, eat, work normally - you only think about him. For one look from him you are ready to give everything. Even if you're married. Even if he is fit to be your son. This love destroys and exhausts you, causing suffering. Find the strength to stop!

17:11 3.01.2014

You console yourself: it will pass. Laughing, you say to your friends: “Yes, I can do just fine without him.” When you are left alone, you cry - because you can’t live without him. You understand very well that this relationship is leading nowhere. You know he can't hold a candle to your husband or boyfriend. Nevertheless, you continue to sit for hours near the phone and flinch at every call: what if it’s him? You, like a professional detective, catch him near the office, pretending that you “met by chance.” You promise yourself: “This is the last time!” And you know yourself that you are lying. You have become nervous and irritable: you lash out at your loved ones, you cry over trifles. You feel like you've driven yourself into a corner that you can't get out of. And he has nothing to do with it anymore.

Love or neurosis?

True love is constructive. She inspires and inspires. She pushes you to new achievements, filling your heart with warmth and joy. True love changes your life for the better. But if pain and suffering are constant companions of a feeling that suddenly befalls you, it’s time to think: where are you going? And what will happen to you?

Psychiatrists call this condition “neurotic love.” It is akin to a disease: being in a love fog, you can no longer control yourself, have difficulty controlling your own emotions and commit rash acts. The price for a few sweet moments can be neurosis, depression, insomnia, and loss of self-confidence. Take the first step towards recovery: admit that you are addicted.

Litmus of relationships

So, ask yourself a litmus question: what changes have occurred in your life after meeting Him? If everything you can list is negative (relationships with family have deteriorated, work or studies are slack, health problems have begun, there is no personal growth), honestly admit to yourself: you are in a trap. First, try to understand why this happened.

Romance, oh!

If you managed to fall in love so much, it means that something is missing in your life. Most likely, emotions and warmth. Perhaps thrills and good sex - regardless of whether you are married or not.

As a rule, girls and women who tend to romanticize reality are subject to strong passions. Separations and expectations, recognition and mental anguish - you yourself subconsciously crave this. Those who did not receive enough fatherly love in childhood, or, conversely, were too spoiled by their dad or older brother, are also at risk. In any case, you are trying to fill the void that has formed in your soul with a strong feeling.

Breaking is not building

At 17 years old, it’s normal to suffer a little, as long as you don’t reach the point of masochism. When you are 30, life has turned out well, and your husband and children are waiting at home, everything is much more complicated. If you are a wise woman, you can certainly turn “inopportune love” to the benefit of yourself and your family. Now your task is to get out of the state of passion, take control of your emotions and fill your life with something productive.

Particularly dangerous situations

Every age has its own problems. But how often do we direct our feelings to an inaccessible object: a man with whom the relationship will obviously reach a dead end! If you find yourself in one of the situations described below, take off your rose-colored glasses and really assess what is happening.

Ah, teacher!

You are not yet 20. It doesn’t matter who he is - a biology teacher, coach, dad’s friend or a teacher at the university. When you see him, your tongue becomes dry in your throat, your back becomes sticky and your head feels dizzy. Naive peers no longer interest you. You go to all of his classes, even extracurriculars. And you dream in your soul that the day will come when he will finally see in you not only a student or the daughter of his friend.

What's happening? You love, of course, not the teacher himself, but your ideal: an invented image that has a very mediocre relationship to a real person. The trouble is that you transferred your experiences to a man who is clearly not suitable for your age. This suggests that you either cannot find contact with peers or feel a lack of attention from your father.

Prospects. Almost none. You will continue to suffer, keep a diary and catch his glances until you graduate from school or university. Over time, you will transfer your passion to a more accessible person.

What should I do? Realize that you have no future and accept it. Be philosophical about your passion: it will pass. Do not provoke the teacher: if you manage to awaken his desire and drag him into bed, then it will be much more difficult for you to cope with feelings. It is unlikely that your love will be mutual. It very rarely happens that passion, for example, between a student and an elderly teacher, ends in marriage - and after a couple of years, the girl usually regrets her decision.

And I love a married man

You yourself are still free, young and not very experienced. He could be your neighbor, colleague, boss - it doesn't matter. He has a family, but right now you don't care. You feel that you are attracted to this man and you are unable to resist. He not only reciprocates your feelings, but also develops the relationship: he invites you to a cafe, gives you gifts, and shows signs of attention. At some point you realize that all your thoughts are switched to him.

What's happening? Nothing good: you are being recruited to play the role of a mistress. Having had enough of his marriage, the father of the family is looking for new sensations. He can really love you tenderly and devotedly, but he will never go beyond rare meetings in someone else’s apartment.

Prospects. To love, to suffer, to celebrate holidays and spend weekends in splendid isolation, to look around on the streets and listen to promises that “someday he will get a divorce and you will be together.” Don't believe me - he won't get divorced. He is comfortable the way he is - and he will do everything to not let you go as long as possible.

What should I do? Are you ready for all of the above? Then go ahead. Sleepless nights, tears in your pillow and neurosis are guaranteed for you. Therefore, do not encourage his advances and keep contact to a minimum. Do not allow a strong spiritual intimacy to arise between you - it will be very difficult for you to refuse it, and the further you go, the more difficult it becomes. This addiction can continue for many years! If you've gone crazy completely and irrevocably, spend the night with him, make sure he's no better than his classmate Kolka, and wave your hand at him.

Love triangle: who is the odd one out?

By and large, everything is fine with you: husband, children, work, apartment - what else could you dream of? But suddenly another person bursts into your life and you are unable to resist your feelings. At first you fly as if on wings. But gradually it becomes more and more difficult to hide your passion... You are torn between two fires and already hate yourself.

What's happening? A serious crisis has emerged in my relationship with my husband. Don't blame yourself too much; many families go through this. American psychotherapist Carl Whitaker called lovers and mistresses “family therapists.” He believed that relationships in marriage are cyclical: emotional intensity is followed by calm and habit, and at some point people move away from each other, experiencing loneliness and emotional hunger. Having satisfied him on the side, they gain new experience and then return to each other to move on together. The art of love in marriage lies precisely in the ability to return.

Prospects. One of two things: either you will completely destroy your family if you act rashly, or you will use the experience gained on the side to strengthen your relationship with your husband. To avoid confusion, answer the question honestly: what do you want? Are you ready to sacrifice your family for a passion on the side? Will your new friend be able to take responsibility for you and your child? And if your answer is no, be careful and prudent and observe the so-called “code of honor.”

What should I do? Even if now it seems that the object of your passion is an ideal man and suits you much more than a husband, this is an illusion. Your passion has no fewer (if not more) shortcomings, and after a year of living with him under the same roof, the habit will come again. By the way, according to statistics, only 13-25% of women (according to various sources) decide to get a divorce in order to start a new family. Among men, this percentage is much lower.

Young and seductive

You're afraid to admit it to yourself. Like a girl, you blush when you hear his young voice and cheerful laughter in the office corridor. You realize with horror that he is fit to be your son. Or maybe he’s even friends with your own son... Age, social status, experience - the gap between you is huge. However, right now all you need is him.

What's happening? The same as with most women your age. On the one hand, you want to feel young again and experience the whole gamut of feelings called falling in love. On the other hand, you dream of revealing your sensuality in the arms of an ardent young lover. It is quite possible that this love was preceded by disappointment in a man of the same age.

Prospects. If the object of your passion is a 16-year-old teenager, drive away sinful thoughts and do everything to see him as little as possible. If he has already formed an independent personality and at the same time reciprocates your attention, it is quite possible that you will be able to seduce him. However, you are unlikely to get anything more than good sex. For, as a rule, either a gigolo or a socially infantile and careless young man who longs to see a strong and caring mother woman next to him decides to have a relationship with a lady twice his age.

What should I do? You must understand that if a man cannot find a passion among his peers, he has problems. Don’t hope that in union with him you will find warmth, reciprocity, care. Be willing to give more than you receive. If public opinion doesn’t bother you, enjoy it, but don’t allow yourself to become emotionally attached to your chosen one.

Feelings in numbers

• Men and women with higher education have affairs 2 times more often than those who received only secondary education.
• About 75% of men and 30% of women have cheated on their regular partner at least once.
• According to statistics, 65% of women live in a state of chronic sexual dissatisfaction.
• According to Playboy magazine surveys, 46% of American women have had an affair with their boss, and 2/3 of women have experience of having an affair with a colleague.
• Every second marriage concluded due to strong heartfelt attraction is unsuccessful. But of the marriages concluded according to the voice of reason, only one in three are unsuccessful.
• Every fifth suicide is committed due to unhappy love.

Psychologist's advice

Do you feel like you've reached a psychological dead end? Don't say: "There is no way out!" Even the most difficult situation can be resolved. Do not throw aside any possible paths. If you try to get away from a problem and pretend that nothing is happening, you become dependent on it. Sit down, think about your situation, imagine where this or that action will lead you, and prepare in advance for the consequences. Develop rules for yourself that you will live by in the near future - you will immediately feel better.

A thousand times the man who sang about sudden love was right; but “when you’re not expecting it at all” is not so bad. Sometimes it happens that falling in love arises with a boss (who has been married for a long time), with the spouse of a close friend, or with his father/mother!

No matter how euphoria and the feeling of wings behind one’s back accompany falling in love, in the cases described above (and some others) they are still not happy with it: by all signs it is clear that, apart from unhappiness and grief, destruction of personality, jealousy and resentment, such a feeling is unlikely to exist - it will bring good things. And we have to fight this somehow! So how to get rid of falling in love if it is completely inappropriate? This is possible, within the capabilities of almost any person (even some teenagers already have such experience and are quite alive and well), but for success you will have to put in a lot of effort and constant control over yourself, over your actions and thoughts.

This process is indeed quite difficult and painful for the psyche, but one must firmly understand that it will be much more harmful and difficult if one leaves one’s feelings as they are, and even gives them free rein. And the last “happy thought” sooner or later comes to the mind of any person in love if he does not try to get rid of his obsession and ceases to control himself. As a result, everyone suffers: the lover himself, the object of his feelings, and everyone around him, initiated into the “secret,” as well as those observing it from the outside.

Psychologists have long developed a bitter “pill” and know how to overcome falling in love. This is a difficult task, but it is rewarding. The main thing is to perceive your state of love not as happiness given from above (after all, many people like to be mistaken by this very thought), but as inappropriate and inappropriate, but still a training of their human qualities, strength of character and its endurance.

So, the first stage is the recognition of your love, which is best to get rid of, just as such. That is, inappropriate, painful, hopeless dependence, which in the future will only be a burden and will not bring joy. Having defined your feeling in such categories, it will be much easier to set an internal task to eradicate it from your life.

The second action will be to identify those life objects that in one way or another provoke thoughts about an inopportune loved one - and carefully avoid such objects. Of course, the most difficult thing to do is if your loved one is your immediate boss, teacher or colleague. But by clearly setting a goal, you can achieve it - let this thought give strength and strengthen the mind when it gives weakness.

An excellent, well-proven way is to throw yourself headlong into work or scientific (creative) activity. In scientific terms, sublimate your feeling (that is, using this energy, direct it in a more productive direction), set intentionally inflated creative-scientific (or professional) tasks and complete them in the shortest possible time.

The principle of replacement, displacement from the head of thoughts about one thing by other thoughts, operates here. In fact, when the intellect is working at full capacity to solve some complex but feasible task, it is very difficult for the mind to soar in the clouds, looking at the world around us through rose-colored glasses. If possible, it would be nice to ask to go on a business trip.

Getting rid of feelings is a long process and will require several months of continuous self-control. The task of how to hide falling in love is much simpler. It is enough to put the object of love in the deliberate area of ​​​​ignoring and act on the principle of “by contradiction”: you want to look without looking away, which means you should not look in that direction at all; If you want to speak pleasant, affectionate words, you will have to remain silent, communicating strictly in doses, and exclusively on business topics. It's difficult, but everything will work out!

Falling in love is a terrible disease that can lead to disaster in a person’s life.

How do you like this thesis? Too categorical? Yes, I agree, it's too much. But - and this is important - the overkill is small. One might say - just a slight exaggeration.

Let's start with the term. What is falling in love? This is a special human condition, which is characterized by some stable phenomena.

Professor Dorothy Tennow, in the shaggy year of 1979, identified the following phenomena characteristic of falling in love:

Obsessive thoughts (about the object of love);
- an acute need for reciprocal feelings (and at the same time - fear of rejection);
- concentration on searching for confirmation of reciprocity, hope for such confirmation, wishful thinking.
- constantly in high spirits (“like on wings!”), if there is reciprocity;
- ignoring or neglecting everything that does not concern falling in love (work, study, friends);
- idealization of the object of love (“he is ideal!”).

And to the heap - disturbances in sleep and eating patterns, rapid heartbeat, dilated pupils. In general, of course, it doesn’t reach full-blown psychosis, but it’s close, close. Moreover, at the biochemical level, falling in love is ensured by phenylethylamine, which is close to amphetamines or, say, mescaline. Simply put, it is also an alkaloid.

By the way, the mentioned professor still considered that falling in love can be attributed to mental disorders and called this condition limerence. And her scientific followers are studying limerence in comparison with obsessive-compulsive disorders and the behavior of drug addicts. These scientists agree that limerence (falling in love) should not yet be included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, but, I quote, “we want to move in the direction of diagnosis, prognosis and treatment.”

In general, it is already obvious that with falling in love, not everything is as rosy as it is usually described in works of fiction.

Here, of course, it is necessary to make a reservation that falling in love (limerence) contains some gradations and it is incorrect to say that, say, ignoring other concerns is equally expressed in all people at once. Of course not. The strength of limerence varies from person to person.

Is falling in love always bad? Of course no. When a man or woman is not in any relationship and falls in love, this is very good (especially if they perform their work duties more or less tolerably).

Moreover, there is an opinion that falling in love is necessary for people to create some foundation of common positive experiences, on which love would then develop. That's probably true.

However, what if limerence occurs, for example, in a married man? And he impersonates not into his wife, but into a completely stranger?

In this state, our hero will definitely do a lot of business. His obsessive desire for this woman, reinforced by ignoring everything that does not apply to this woman, will certainly lead to stupid actions - for example, leaving the family or divorce.

In his right mind, he would not have done anything like this, but then - like some kind of clouding happened - he made a mess.

And then the limerence will pass (and it does), and suddenly it turns out that he doesn’t like the new woman (the stronger the love, the stronger the fall back into hatred, usually), and he won’t return to his ex-wife. Here is the disaster mentioned at the very beginning of the note.

Many guys and girls, as well as men and women, are interested in how to get rid of being in love. There can be many reasons for this: lack of reciprocity, lack of time, emotional imbalance, and so on. Fortunately, psychologists know remedies that will help cope with this condition.

The difference between infatuation and love

Not everyone is able to determine the line between a passing hobby and a serious feeling. Moreover, even scientists and psychologists who seriously studied this issue could not come to a common conclusion. However, a number of characteristics can be identified to determine the difference between infatuation and love.

Do you need to get rid of being in love?

Before you figure out how to get rid of being in love, you need to understand whether it’s worth doing. Unfortunately, this wonderful feeling does not always benefit a person. It is worth fighting it in the following cases:

• if the object of your adoration does not reciprocate your feelings;
• if falling in love negatively affects your mental and physical state;
• if you are driven by pathological jealousy;
• if you experience manic attachment to a person;
• if romantic feelings interfere with your studies or career growth.

Unfortunately, not every girl or young man in love can cope with the problem on his own. Or rather, they will in every possible way deny its existence. It is friends and family who can notice deviations in time.

Treatment methods for falling in love

If you are looking for a cure for love, try taking the advice of psychologists. So, the most popular methods are:

• Prevention will help you prevent an unwanted condition. If you think that now is not the time for love, try to fight all its manifestations: do not read novels, do not watch tearful TV series, do not listen to sad music, and most importantly, limit communication with the opposite sex.
• Logical comprehension implies that you need to look at the current situation from the outside. Try to evaluate all the pros and cons of your condition.
• In accordance with the method, it is recommended to critically evaluate the object of your adoration. It is quite possible that there will be much more negative qualities in him than positive ones.
• will allow you to look into the future. Imagine how your relationship will develop in a week, month, year. If you don’t see positive things in the future, get rid of your crush immediately.
• To sort your thoughts into categories, lead the right lifestyle. You must have duties, responsibilities, hobbies. It is quite possible that there will no longer be room in your head for romantic fantasies.
• A frank conversation with a friend, relative or psychologist is the best cure for love. Having told your story in detail, you will most likely come to the conclusion that the feeling is to your detriment.

Sigmund Freud became famous for his bold theory that all human actions are driven solely by sexual instinct. It is precisely because of this position that many do not take his recommendations seriously. But it’s still worth listening to his advice on how to get rid of falling in love.

Freud paid special attention to such a feature of the psyche as sublimation. Falling in love gives a person energy. If this feeling for one reason or another is undesirable for you, try transforming it into another form. Direct this energy, for example, into art, sports, education and other areas. It is quite possible that you will be able to achieve amazing results.

The best medicine is change

As you know, in order to cope with a particular state of mind, you need to change external circumstances. So, a girl in love can get rid of an obsessive feeling by resorting to the following measures:

• cardinal (hairstyle, wardrobe, etc.);
• finding new hobbies (or you can return to hobbies that occupied you as a child);
• new interesting acquaintances (possibly with the prospect of a romantic relationship);
• change of scenery (if you don’t have the opportunity to travel, try to explore your city in search of new routes and places to walk);
• making changes in everyday life (for example, you can rearrange furniture or learn how to cook new dishes).

You can’t do without the help of loved ones

If you are looking for ways to get rid of falling in love, enlist the support of family and friends. The fact is that it is very difficult to cope with heartfelt feelings alone. Sometimes the problem is so acute that only with the help of those around it becomes possible to solve it. That is why you should not be shy to ask for help.

The best option is a sincere conversation. With a friend, relative, work colleague - it doesn’t matter. The main thing is to openly talk about all your experiences. You will be surprised, but it will immediately become easier. In addition, it is quite possible that your interlocutor has previously been in a similar situation. It is possible that by the end of the conversation you will laugh together at a problem that seemed insoluble just a couple of hours ago.

Confession

How to get rid of obsessive love? Sometimes shock therapy is needed. If your lover is not yet aware of your feelings, then why not say them directly? Of course, this is not easy, but there will be certainty in your life. There are not many options for the development of events:

• he (or she) will reject your feelings, which, of course, will be a great disappointment, but will help you free yourself;
• It may well turn out that the object of your affection, just like you, is in love, but is embarrassed to admit it (in this case, you will have a chance to build a strong relationship with the prospect of further development).

conclusions

How to get rid of being in love? At first glance, this question may seem stupid and frivolous, because everyone goes through romantic experiences. However, it is worth taking into account the individual psychological characteristics of each person. Sometimes falling in love not only interferes with your studies and work, but can also lead to serious psychological problems and even suicide attempts, which should never be allowed to happen. That is why modern psychology pays such close attention to this issue.

Feeling in love with someone who doesn't want you can have a serious impact on your self-esteem and self-confidence. You may feel unhappy, dissatisfied with yourself, and even depressed. Obviously, you should get rid of unrequited feelings as quickly as possible. Therefore, it is worth studying tips that will help you get rid of feelings and start a new life, as well as forget about the pain caused by non-reciprocal love.

1. Accept the fact that this person doesn’t need you.

If one day you think that you are also not indifferent to your loved one, and then he disappears for a week, then there can be no talk of any love. Try to look at your feelings from a different perspective. Does this sound like a classic novel? If you can admit to yourself that your loved one does not need you, then you are on the right track.

The next time you want to make an appointment or call this person, think about how they usually treat you. Most likely, when you show him your love and care, you only get condescension in return. Do you want to be a slave crawling around your master's feet? It's better to do something more enjoyable.

2. Take a break

Out of sight, out of mind. This is what your motto should be if you really want to overcome unrequited love. Try to stay as far away from your loved one as possible. If you're having trouble doing this, your best bet is to go on a long trip where you won't be able to connect to the internet (and won't be able to check all his social media accounts!).

If you can't avoid this person completely, at least try not to think about him. Even if the person you love is in the same room as you, that doesn't mean you have to always think about them. Turn the flow of your thoughts in a different direction. Think about your personal dreams and desires rather than the happiness in your relationship.

3. Find someone with the same problems

You are not the only person who has relationship problems. Many people suffered because of unrequited love, but were able to overcome it. Tell your loved ones about your experiences. Ask them what they did to get rid of this pain. Sometimes all you need is to hear simple words: “I understand you.”

However, many people make the mistake of starting to enjoy discussing this topic. This way you will constantly think about your loved one and will not be able to forget about him. You just need a few conversations with the right person to feel better.

If you don't feel like talking about personal problems, art will come to the rescue. Unrequited love has always been an extremely popular topic, and you can easily find many books and films that can help you deal with your feelings.

4. Take care of yourself

Preoccupation with one's own dark thoughts often leads to self-neglect. Even if you only feel pain and can't do anything about it, take care of your appearance and health. Take a warm bath with salt. Make a delicious cup of herbal tea. Go shopping. Change your hairstyle.

You should not resort to bad habits, for example, starting to smoke (or smoke more than usual) and drinking. Do not make rash decisions, especially if they are dangerous to your health or life. Perhaps you decide to engage in self-destruction in the hope that the person you love will see this and understand how bad you feel. But this is an illusion. You will get nothing but problems and nerves.

5. Exercise

There are many ways to restore emotional balance. Exercise is the most effective because it can help you get rid of negative feelings. Start jogging every morning or go to a fitness class. Join the gym or pool. Learn to ride a horse - you will get a lot of positive emotions while spending time with animals.

If you want to combine sports and art, start dancing. Do this at home or go to a dance studio for tango or rumba lessons. You will have fun and keep fit at the same time.

6. Give up useless dreams

An old Indian proverb says: if your horse is dead, walk. Don't indulge in hopeless dreams. Expecting someone to love you can be very destructive. If you see that the person you love does not make time for you, there is no need to justify it. He does not show his love not because of natural shyness, but simply because it does not exist.

If a person doesn't love you, he can find a thousand excuses not to spend time with you. Imagine yourself in the same situation: if you don't feel like going on a date or a party, you probably find a reason not to do it.

7. Don't get angry

Love failures are a part of life. And even if something didn’t go according to plan, you shouldn’t hate yourself and everyone around you and be angry at all men. Believe me, you will meet your person again. Also, you should not wish failure on your loved one - after all, he is not obliged to sacrifice his happiness for you.

Put yourself in the shoes of this person: are you ready to live your whole life with someone you regret? It’s better to remember all the good things that happened between you and continue to live with a smile on your face.

8. Personal motto

Think like a philosopher. Create a personal motto for yourself and always remember it when you feel depressed. This short phrase should restore your inner peace and make you believe in a better future. King Solomon had a ring with the inscription: “This too shall pass.” Remember these words and your life will become much easier.