"Pity humiliates a person!"
These words belong to the famous proletarian writer Maxim Gorky.
Following him, other bearers of the proletarian spirit began to exclaim in unison: "We do not need to feel sorry for, because we would not feel sorry for anyone either!" /WITH. Gudzenko/

That's the truth, that's the truth. How many "enemies" were destroyed by the proletarians with "mind boiling with indignation" during the October Revolution, the Civil War and during the years of socialist construction. And they gave their lives without any regret for the working cause.
Being ruthless to yourself is heroism, but being ruthless to other people is sheer atrocity!
In revolutionary St. Petersburg, drunken soldiers and sailors could shoot a person at the slightest suspicion, just because he had pince-nez on his nose, and there were no calluses on his palms. It never occurred to them that this man could be a doctor returning from a sick man, a teacher or a poet who went out into the street to be imbued with the revolutionary spirit of the masses. He wasn't like them.
and therefore an enemy!
Truly, ruthlessness deprives a person of soul and mind!
Now everyone is angrily denouncing Stalinism.
In 1937-1938. more than 1.7 million people were arrested, more than 700 thousand were executed.
Lenin, Stalin, Yezhov, Beria with all their repressive apparatuses... But who are they after all? Were they not committing their atrocities under the approval of a thousand thousand throats, crying out: “Kill!”, “Crucify!”? Didn't they grow up on the ruthlessness of the masses?
The revolution did not bring the fruits promised to the people by the leaders, and the leaders had no choice but to slip on the people the candidacies of ever new enemies, "guilty" of their misfortunes.

No one argues that the sacred duty of a person is to protect his homeland, people, and his neighbors from enemies. But, the main thing at the same time is not to lose humanity and not start writing down women, the elderly and children as “enemies”, as the German fascists did during World War II, as the Ukrainian fascists did in the Donbass.

We call love our strongest feeling, which makes a person sometimes commit feats, and sometimes crimes.
And it becomes clear to many that these are not one at all, but two different feelings.
One of these feelings has a motto - WISH!
Desires are different. One person loves his profession and strives to become a master of his craft.
And this is wonderful!
Others love the mountains or the sea and wish to dedicate their lives to sea travel or mountain climbing. And we can only welcome these desires.

But there is a love of fame, money, power, carnal pleasures, which often make a person ruthless in the DESIRE TO POSSESS.

And there is LOVE - PITY, about which Maxim Gorky spoke so ridiculously.
It differs from LOVE - DESIRE in that it contains not the desire to acquire, but the desire to give something to people.
We feel sorry for our Motherland, our people, our neighbors, and therefore we strive to warm them, feed them, protect them, save them!
Such LOVE, very often, does not want anything in return - it is selfless!
This is the LOVE of a mother, a benefactor, a soldier going to his death for his Motherland!
THIS IS CHRISTIAN LOVE, the highest example of which was shown to us by the LORD HIMSELF!

A PITY.

I want to remember this feeling again,
given to us by the Lord:
Love and mercy basis,
It does not allow us to become animals!
Filled with this feeling of God,
We don't want to be sad about ourselves.
We will help the old man and the beggar,
We will save and protect the weak!
Someone else's pain stings our souls
And makes people feel compassion.
When we feel sorry for someone,
He is not sorry to give the last!

We are people, and we all dream of happiness.
We strive to create the world of our dreams.
But for love we often take
Your desire to own something.
Having reached the desired once,
Accustomed to life in the hustle and bustle.
Feel the thirst again
In the desire to possess - there are no limits!
And pity here, of course, is not appropriate.
Selfish pity is not in honor!
After all, only pity for people, as you know,
We are not allowed to go over our heads!

Where there is pity, there is no concern for yourself,
On this feeling - God's seal:
The desire to understand, to warm someone,
And help him and protect him!
It was transformed into service.
Mother gives holy love to children:
The basis of that Love is pity for the kids, -
Aspiration - to give the best to children!
There is pity in the glorious feat of a soldier, -
It is stronger than the urge to live!
Save and protect all that is holy!
Save the lives of your neighbors!

And with generosity everywhere pity along
We have proven this many times:
Who is merciful, considers it a matter of honor,
Help someone who is in need right now!
There were a lot of falsehoods in the last century
And we should understand a long time ago:
The pity of a person does not humiliate, -
Saves from prison and from the scrip!
I want to end the poem with the words:
“Some soulless pity only sickens!
May this feeling always be with you.
GOD will forgive you a lot for pity!”
……………………………….
GOD BLESS YOU!

Reading time: 4 min

Pity is a feeling directed at oneself, another person, a living being, associated with negative experiences and a feeling of discomfort. Unpleasant sensations indicate a discrepancy between reality and the internal representations of a person, resistance to what is happening and a desire to correct. Such motives can be conscious or not, give in to control or grow into a desire to change the world according to their own parameters. Being a subjective feeling, pity manifests itself not only in objective moments of tragedy, but in moments of disagreement of a person with what is happening (even if this harmoniously and completely suits others).

The object of pity is perceived as insufficient, unhappy, in a pernicious position caused by circumstances or other beings. A feeling of pity can arise along with sympathy, and then we can talk about empathy and the desire to improve the share of the regretted, to forgive weaknesses. And it can occur together with a sense of superiority, then self-aggrandizing and ego-warming behavioral reactions arise. In addition to the fact that this feeling is experienced directly for people or one's own person, pity is possible about the loss of things, the former way of life, friendships and other things or categories that are important in a person's life. Pity associated with loss is close to sadness or occurs simultaneously in it.

The opposite of pity is cruelty, when a person deprived of any feelings of empathy and understanding of someone else's suffering can become ruthless in his demands, words, behavior. This is manifested by impatience, the lack of an internal opportunity to take the place of another person. In any case, no matter how it is manifested, and no matter where pity is directed, it causes a feeling of discomfort, since it indicates flaws and shortcomings, one’s own or those around.

What is pity

The concept of pity is a feeling that has both positive and negative characteristics. On the one hand, it is this feeling that makes a person humane, capable of compassion and empathy, on the other hand, with a rude and incorrect expression, pity humiliates a person, both pitying and pitying. In the peculiarities of some cultures, the unacceptability of this manifestation is noticed, considering pity as tantamount to weakness, of the one who succumbed to this feeling and disbelief in the one who is pitied. If we analyze it in more detail, then pity humiliates a person when it disguises malevolence (sympathetic speeches are made for the sake of society, often in an exaggerated form, in order to further emphasize the negative situation and enjoy), usually this is an inactive shaking of the air, no help is provided. The feeling of superiority over those who find themselves in a less successful situation, some contempt for him can also take the form of pity, here the exaltation of one's own person comes to the fore and help, if provided, is solely for the sake of developing one's own image.

There are many examples of silent, humiliating pity: when they pity an employee who came with a black eye, but do not report to the police, when they treat a neighbor's baby, but do not react with actions to screams when he is beaten by his parents, when they remove responsibility from alcoholics, generously forgiving them drunken antics, etc. . Such manifestations are disastrous for both participants in the situation: one's soul becomes stale, and the second ceases to feel responsibility, feeling only his own worthlessness, and even ceases to strive to change the situation.

Creative pity is always reinforced by actions and concrete help: volunteering in an orphanage, and not empty talk about the fate of poor children, sympathy and help to the sick person should be expressed in caring for him or providing the necessary medicines, instead of heavy sighs at the bedside. Even in the development of a child, pity is needed, only not when he is protected from the world so that he does not get hurt, but when they are taught to interact, independently heal torn knees and rebuff offenders.

Pity can appear in any area of ​​human life, concerning both regret about the past time, lost things, sadness for past memories and departed people, and situations that are happening right now, when we are faced with life's injustice in the form of people with disabilities, beggars, the homeless, people who have fallen in an accident. People feel sorry for their parents, children, employees and online acquaintances, but not everyone understands that suffering from such a feeling they do not always benefit those they allegedly sympathize with, in addition, some are able to use such tendencies and put pressure on pity in order to realize own benefit.

It is conditionally possible to divide pity according to its effect into pernicious and constructive. Destructive pity is manifested in the deprivation of a person of duties and responsibilities, with his unbelief and pity, killing in him the tendency to develop and change. So, pitiful parents constantly control every step of the child, perform all the tasks and necessary work for him, and as a result, instead of effective help, they cause irreparable harm to the integral development of the personality. Such actions lead to the formation of the inner self as incapable, unworthy and one who cannot cope on his own, which subsequently paralyzes the will and the person.

The feeling of pity in intimate relationships leads to the fact that a person develops his shortcomings and the one who at first was simply rude to you may well beat you to a resuscitation state. Giving alms out of pity, you may face the fact that your money will be drunk away, and the person will never go looking for a job again. Such examples are not uncommon in life, and their mechanism is the same - when you do something for a person out of pity, he loses his internal incentive to do something himself and he degrades, and also learns that he is not capable of anything.

Constructive, creative pity can support a person, give him strength, calm him down, instill confidence, or at least provide a piece of a reliable and safe haven for a break. By providing help disinterestedly, without expecting honors and praise, without striving to demonstrate your own strength against the background of a less fortunate person, you practice creative pity. In parent-child relationships, this is an expression of sympathy in case of troubles and advice on how best to overcome what happened; in partner interaction, such pity can look like an open conversation about shortcomings and an offer of one's help in eliminating the causes. Even if you bought food and left a lonely pensioner at the door, there is more creative pity in this than in a rally about pension reform.

Pity is a very insidious and subtle feeling that requires both careful diagnosis, so as not to confuse it with one's own projections, arrogance, rejection, and a strict attitude, so that succumbing to an impulse, instead of helping, not to harm. It is necessary to carefully consider each situation separately in order to understand whether your pity is appropriate or not, and if you see that the more you pity someone, the more inactive he becomes, starts to whine and complain more, then you are going the wrong way and pity is better left. This does not mean at all that it is necessary to become callous, because sometimes your understanding and kind word can quite affect a person who is on the verge of despair.

Pity for others

Pity for other people is born from our perception of the situation and manifests itself in those moments when we need sympathy. If you are calm about pain and do not need pity, having slipped on a wet floor, then you are unlikely to regret the fallen person, even if your sympathy was very necessary for him.

Pity for others is not objective and represents our own world more than it reflects a really negative situation. Moreover, by showing pity for another, we seem to automatically feel sorry for ourselves. When self-pity is forbidden, there is no strength to admit to oneself a lack of something or an injury, this finds expression in pity for others. So, a single woman will actively feel sorry for her friend who broke up with her boyfriend, and a girl who considered herself unworthy of her father's love will feel sorry for an employee who once again received a reprimand from her boss. The reality may be that the one who broke up is glad of the breakup and was generally its initiator, and the one who is again deprived of the bonus really does not work, but this may not matter when there is an internal need to feel sorry for yourself through another.

In addition to projective experiences, pity can act as a way to build relationships. When a person is in trouble, and you sympathize with him, he perceives you closer, trusts you more, because you show care and sympathy. Sharing pain, suffering, experiences automatically transfers you to the section of caring people, in addition to this, you yourself become more loyal and closer to the one you regretted. At such moments, pity is useful and appropriate, it often helps a person overcome difficulties faster. People are constantly waiting for kindness, pity and forgiveness of their weakness, as there are more demands and indifference in the world. By giving such an attitude, you establish stronger ties with a person, because everyone is more pleasant to be with someone who accepts his shortcomings, forgives weaknesses, understands pain and sympathizes with what happened. Someone appreciates such corners of the outlet, but many skillfully use someone else's pity and, instead of establishing sincere close relationships, they begin to put pressure on pity in order to gain your patronage or favor.

Knowing the possibility of a feeling of pity, many close and become rather cold and indifferent. Of course, such a life tactic will save you from manipulation, unjustified hopes and riding on your neck, but in addition to this, it will worsen relations with others. Ruthless and cruel people repel, with those who are indifferent to problems, one does not want to share joy.

Pity, effectively shown to others, should not be associated with your own personal gain and the expectation of success or gratitude from another. It is more about your manifestation as a person, as a person who is able to act, guided by his inner compass, and not short-term or long-term prospects. The manifestation of such kindness may never show you immediate results, and the person will not even thank you, but after a while everything can return through others, and the one you took pity on may remember your deed. Behavior adds up the unspoken opinion of others about you, which cannot be created artificially, and therefore, showing pity, but with reason, and not under manipulation, you will notice that they will come to your aid or forgive mistakes, give you a napkin and sympathize with a kind word in a difficult moment.

Learn to recognize when a person is in a difficult situation. And when I got used to pout my lips from childhood and get what I want. For many, this has become a convenient model of behavior, when playing on other people's feelings you can get what you want, and when the executor of desires runs out of steam, he will simply be replaced. If you feel sorry, then be strict with yourself first of all and try to look at the situation a little further than the present moment, then it will become clear to you exactly how you should show your feeling, and perhaps with good intentions it should be hidden altogether. It is hardly worth running for another bottle for an alcoholic out of pity, but you can make a scandal to him by telling the whole truth and showing his true life, offering concrete help, although this will not look like the usual groans of regret, but it will be pity in action.

It is believed that love and pity are incompatible, because. regretting, you let a person know that you consider him weak, then he begins to feel sorry for himself without your help, degrading more and more and developing inferiority complexes. This is a very likely course of events if you regret with destructive pity and do not look a few weeks ahead. To help overcome this, asking yourself the question “is it really so bad for a person that he can’t cope without me?” and only in case of a positive answer help.

Another psychological moment of the birth of pity is our own disagreement with the order of the world. If we do not accept some development of events, illness, income level, then those whose fate is folded in this way will cause a feeling of pity, and it is important to stop and analyze here. Perhaps the one whom you consider to be poor deliberately gave away all his property and switched to in order to be happy in accordance with his ideas. Maybe you feel sorry for the guy walking on crutches, and before that he had been paralyzed for several years and is now incredibly happy. In general, the world is fair and harmonious, and each person receives the life that he makes with his own hands, so before intervening, think about what guides your desire to align the lives of those around you with your vision of the beautiful and right.

Self pity

Self-pity occurs periodically in the life of everyone, but for some it takes on a stable form. For people of a certain type () and type of nervous system (excitability), self-pity occupies a rather important place and is able to subjugate other life manifestations. Most often, the trigger is some kind of strong stressful event that raises a feeling of sadness (due to loss, loss), injustice (unjustified expectations and ambitions), and also possibly in combination with those who have what they want or have not lost something important. Pity can arise when confronted with situations beyond the control of a person, when he experiences a sense of hopelessness. Strong personalities learn important lessons from this, learn to accept impotence, find out the limits of their capabilities, the weak begin to feel sorry for themselves. But in addition to really insurmountable situations, self-pity is also caused by the internal image of one's own Self, and if it is perceived as fragile, weak, stupid, defenseless, then the person behaves accordingly, refusing to struggle with difficulties in advance. In such situations, there is no point in overestimating reality, but there is a need to restore an adequate self-perception.

Self-pity is characterized by a person focusing on the negative aspects of his life, difficulties and losses, his own shortcomings and defeats. The main desire for which everything that happens is necessary is to arouse the pity of others and perhaps get their help and support. It is relevant to satisfy such a need only the first few times, or if a person feels sorry for himself quite rarely, otherwise this line of behavior, used too often, can cause rejection of other people, then there can be no talk of support, but even of communication.

Self-pity requires a large amount of resources from the surrounding people, while the person himself finds himself in a passive position, which irritates and embitters the environment. Even in the case of seriously ill or disabled people, the whole system is aimed at rehabilitation, acceptance, humility and the return of a person to everyday life, suffering and winding up a sense of unhappiness are never encouraged. In addition to being accompanied by a certain range of additional feelings, self-pity can cause severe forms and melancholia, and also be a symptom of them.

A characteristic of a person prone to self-pity is that when they stop supporting and helping him instead of looking for a way to correct the situation, on the contrary, he turns away from everyone, becomes embittered and closes. Loneliness grows, the need for the participation of others becomes unfulfilled and the demands grow. In the most critical situation, a person becomes so accustomed to feeling sorry for himself and achieving everything through the sympathy of others that this behavior begins to take on an aggressive and demanding coloration. Helping such a person turns out to be almost impossible, since all advice is rejected, and there are many excuses to start changes, and it may seem that suffering is necessary for some reason. The more problems and misfortunes, the more exceptional the person becomes, who in reality has nothing to present, in addition, there are always excuses why something was not achieved, and this is not the fault of the person directly. With self-pity, one can count on the help of others or suffer from the cruelty of the world, but in any case, this is a selfish escape from reality.

A person in self-pity resembles a paralytic, only instead of the body, the will and thinking are immobilized, there is no ability to look for a solution and a way out of the situation, most of which require little effort. and claims begin to be directed not only at themselves, but also at those loved ones who, trying to help, point out ways to improve. In such a state, when new paths are not accepted, the energy dries up, besides, a huge chunk of it is wasted in maintaining an unhappy state. Over time, a person forgets how to replenish his own energy resource and begins to use someone else's, hence the energy vampirism and the desire to merge all the negativity on others instead of dealing with the direct resolution of problems.

Self-pity is destructive in persistent emotional states. Do not confuse this with when pity, love and self-care are united and help to overcome problems and stay healthy. Excessive and constant pity kills self-confidence, gradually reduces, destroys the ability to effectively interact with the world. Constant thoughts about impotence and worthlessness begin to be realized, and if earlier a person, although he made mistakes, but acted, now he ceases to even attempt to be active.

How to get rid of pity for yourself and others

The problem of how to get rid of a feeling of pity can have two directions: regarding one's own personality and regarding the way of interacting with people around. But no matter what side the desire to downplay one’s pity touches, it is always about its destructive and negative direction, when the realization of this feeling does not contribute to support and accumulation of strength to overcome, but to the decomposition and weakening of the personality.

Carrying out any actions out of pity, but to the detriment of yourself, it is not a fact that you are helping a person or yourself. After spending the whole weekend on repairs with a friend, you will find out that he himself would have finished it faster, and you only distracted him with conversations. Or they borrowed money for a friend for a new phone, which completely forgot how to calculate the budget, and the friendship collapsed due to unpaid money. So it is with yourself, if you didn’t send yourself to a workout, regretting aching muscles, you will find even more strength, then a refusal to train, and as a result, health problems. Not always, denying yourself, you can help another.

The first rule on the way to deciding how to get rid of feelings of pity is to assess your own condition. If you have no energy and a lot of problems, then at first you are obliged not to express sympathy and out of pity to help others, but to take care of yourself (even if others are worse off) and improve your life. If you notice that you are complaining more and more often, then it is more logical to strain the remaining forces that have not yet been wasted on pity and solve your problems. Remember, while something does not suit you in your own sense of self and life - your actions should eliminate the unfavorable.

When you are very drawn to feel sorry for others, think about whether they deserve pity, trace what actions or their absence brought the person to the point where you feel immensely sorry for him. Of course, accidents happen, but a person arranges most of the troubles with his own hands, even if he does not notice a direct connection. Even the homeless are provided with many other solutions to their problem, there are official funds, job exchanges and shelters, but people refuse them, choosing to beg and drink this money. It is up to you to decide whether to regret it, because perhaps the idea of ​​never working, but standing on the porch, came to their mind after the pity of the first alms.

Keep track of topics when you start to feel sorry, because. in half of the cases, behind this lies the unfulfilled need of a person to be justified and pitied. If the heart shrinks from a child sitting alone on a swing, then perhaps you lack the sympathy of your parents, if you feel sorry for the hungry dog, then this may be your need for care and ready dinner. Often, pitying others, people try to make up for the lack of self-pity, to fill in those moments where they do not allow themselves to be weak or make mistakes. You can feel sorry for the boy who was scolded by the teacher and even protect, while not complaining to anyone about how undeservedly the boss scolds you. Such stories testify to blind spots in the assessment and perception of their personality and needs.

But sometimes self-compassion is not something that is not locked, but rather begins to take over life too actively, and then it should be slowed down. The first thing to do is to analyze the situation, abstracting as much as possible from feelings. When you have realized the problem, it is necessary to identify what exactly in the current situation makes you feel sorry for yourself, and what you are counting on. If you understand that there are strong expectations of a self-resolution of the problem, you need to gradually regain responsibility for the emotions you experience and your own life. Even if the negative is associated with another person, then your experiences are subject to you, and how to turn the situation around to make it better is up to you. It is necessary to come up with practical actions that can change the course of events, and in order to be more effective, you first need to consider what you are doing wrong, where you make mistakes.

Look at the world not as something hostile and opposing you, but as a resource and opportunities for change - there are people who can help, there are places that give energy and fullness of forces. Train positive thinking by setting tasks every day to find ten positive moments, turn troubles into a game, where you need to make the most of the collapse. The more confident you are, the more successful it will be, so shaping is great for getting rid of self-pity. After all, those who perceive themselves as strong and successful treat difficulties as a new challenge or opportunity to prove themselves, and not as a reason to hide in the farthest corner.

And be aware in the perception of information received from other people who can tell you about your weakness, fragility, inability, and about situations as insoluble and catastrophic. Without proper criticism, such judgments tend to seep into your inner perception and become true, so surround yourself with positive and active people who can see the good even in complete hopelessness.

Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"

Where is the line that separates pity, which degrades the dignity of a person, preventing him from developing and taking responsibility, and positive compassion, which can give him the strength to overcome difficulties? Is it always necessary to feel sorry for a person? And is pity so harmless?

“I’m sorry, I can’t quit. Without me, he will get drunk completely, disappear ...

It's a pity to wake the child in the morning. Let him sleep. Childhood will pass quickly. Learn more about chronic sleep deprivation.

I can't refuse her. It's a pity for her - she had a difficult childhood. Will have to get married.

You have probably met people who, in their relationships with others, are guided by a sense of pity. In society, pity is generally perceived positively, and people who pity others are considered good and kind. They will never pass by someone else's grief, they will mess with anyone who is weaker, who for some reason cannot stand up for himself, is in a difficult situation.

However, where is the line that separates pity, which degrades the dignity of a person, preventing him from developing and taking responsibility, and positive compassion, which can give him the strength to overcome difficulties? Is it always necessary to feel sorry for a person? And is pity so harmless? Let's answer these questions with the help of Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology.

Who are these compassionate people?

Compassion, sympathy, empathy are the abilities of people who, according to system-vector psychology, have. In the carrier of this vector, the visual analyzer is the most sensitive area.

Since ancient times, the owner of the most keen eyes had her species role in the human flock. The skin-visual woman was a day guard. It was she who experienced the first human emotion - the fear of death. Seeing a predator lurking in the bushes among the uniform colors of the savannah, she was very frightened for her life, screamed, emitted fear pheromones and thus warned everyone else about the danger.

Subsequently, as a person developed, his emotions also developed. The spectator has learned to bring his root emotion of fear for himself outward, into fear for others, into compassion for his neighbor. Today, his huge emotional amplitude, which distinguishes him from other people, is located between the poles of "fear of death - love." As before, all spectators are born with the fear of death, which must be developed into compassion, sympathy, empathy, love for people before the end of puberty - the highest emotional manifestations of the visual vector.

An immature emotion manifests itself as a blind pity, when a person manifests his need for feelings selfishly, to fill his own shortcomings, wanting to receive in himself, and not to give, not paying attention to the fact that with his pity he humiliates another, does not allow him to develop, strengthens his weakness and inability to change your life. Behind such pity lies not a desire to help another, but the need to fill one's emotional voids, fear for oneself, for one's life, which is not always realized.

So, the wife pulls on herself a drunkard-husband, who failed in life. Supports him, suffers beatings from him, gives him a drink when he "breaks". "Regrets." And in the meantime, he is deteriorating further. Although in this situation it would be more correct to understand why he had this addiction, and help him realize himself in life. That would be real help.

As a rule, in this case, the compassionate wife herself is in not very good states of the visual vector - in fears, emotional swings. She is afraid of being alone, afraid of breaking even an ugly, but well-established emotional connection. And of course, she does not think about what consequences her blind pity can lead to.

It is often said: "He regrets - it means he loves." This is wrong. The visual woman, who by nature aims to create an emotional connection and compassion, is not aware of her innate unconscious aspirations and, for one reason or another, does not realize them properly. In order to create an emotional connection with a successful accomplished person, you need to make an effort. And pity arises by itself for a crippled drunkard. So a woman gets trapped in her own feelings.

Consequences of blind pity

People who are driven through life by such pity often feel used, exhausted. By emasculating themselves in such relationships, they often end up feeling emotionally empty.

If there is also in the psyche, one of the values ​​\u200b\u200bof which is gratitude, an adequate assessment of their work, such people lose their incentive for life. After all, their "good" deeds are never appreciated.

Thus, an anal-visual mother from an early age feels sorry for her child: she does all the things for him that he, by age, is already quite able to do on his own. Always making sure he doesn't get overtired. She does this for the best of reasons: out of a desire to be kind, the best mother in the world, and perhaps based on her bad experience that she experienced as a child. After all, past experience for a person with an anal vector is very significant.

It is one thing if a mother takes pity on a child when he is hurt or sick. In such a situation, he needs her increased attention and care. Another thing is when she constantly pampers a child, indulges his laziness out of pity. In this case, she forgets about the good of the child, because in order for his properties to develop, he needs to make efforts. Sometimes this is not very pleasant, it causes tension, but without this, a happy, realized person will not grow out of it.

Relationships built on pity are one-sided, destructive, bringing significant psychological damage to both parties. In contrast to genuine compassion, the essence of which is revealed to us by the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.

Compassion that heals

Compassion, first of all, should be directed to those who really need it - the disabled, lonely elderly people, children left without parents. There are always social strata in society that objectively need active compassion. It is here that a person with a visual vector can truly realize his need for the manifestation of feelings in the most creative way. And this is its highest realization.

Yes, and in ordinary life there is always a reason to feel needed. Support someone who is in a difficult situation by sympathizing with him, saying a kind word. Cry with the bereaved person. Become his support for a while, until the pain ceases to be so acute. Just to be there so that a person does not feel lonely. These are the simple actions for which this very emotional person is intended and from which he receives real satisfaction. In such spiritual movements, he comprehends life, feels that he does not live in vain.

Actively compassionate, a person never expects gratitude or a reciprocal feeling. He gets satisfaction from the very process of manifestation of his emotional impulses. Therefore, he never feels used or exhausted.

Compassion must be learned. The easiest way to develop this skill in childhood is by reading compassionate literature to visual toddlers. At the same time, it is important to draw the attention of children to those situations in which you can sympathize with someone, empathize.

And then you can gradually move on to teaching the child to sympathize with the people around him. For example, take care of a sick grandmother, support a friend in a difficult situation. The tears of compassion for the neighbor, which the viewer sheds, have a positive effect on him, causing relief and peace. At the same time, the skill of bringing their emotions outward is formed: the visual child learns not to be afraid for himself, but to empathize with another.

Dramatic films often bring tears to the audience. It's good if it's a film that raises serious moral issues, requiring mental effort to watch. With this example, we can understand what empathy is. However, compassion is truly possible only for living people, living vivid emotions of empathy in the vicissitudes of real life.

Understand the differences

It is often difficult for a person to understand when he is led by blind pity, and when by genuine compassion. He is sincerely sure that he is driven by kindness and the sacred duty of helping people. However, this is not always the case.

The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan helps to distinguish pity from compassion. We begin to see the motives of our actions: where we are led by our lacks and dissatisfaction, attempts to use another person to solve our own emotional problems, and where is genuine empathy for a person, which is always creative for all participants in the relationship.

On the other hand, the reasons for the behavior of other people become clear to us, so our help to them becomes truly effective. Knowledge about the vectors of the mental is a real tool that allows you to change your life for the better. To help another person means to give him this tool in his hands. Give him a fishing rod, not a fish.

If you really want to help people in such a way as to evoke a feeling of happiness in them, and changes for the better in their lives, get this much-needed knowledge for life. Start with free online classes on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. Register by .

Why does pity humiliate a person? and got the best answer

Answer from Yokazka "I"[guru]
Pity humiliates because a person does not try to get out of the situation on his own, but enjoys the trust of others.
By the way, and those around, if they are led to such a trick, are also at the same cost as the one who complains. because in every way they indulge him in his weakness! =)

Answer from Yatiana Nikanorova[guru]
no need to regret, need to sympathize

Answer from omashka[active]
It depends on what caused the manifestation of pity ... .
I think this is one of the last feelings in a relationship between people. As a rule, it replaces all other feelings in the end ....
But the reason for the appearance and the very manifestation of this feeling are very individual to various objects and subjects of our life.
And there is one truth about pity .... more precisely, the saying: It's a sin to regret when you can't help!

Answer from Amba[guru]
it is not pity that humiliates, but the form of its expression or perception! usually a fool, expresses it like this: _ that it turns from an unconditionally positive emotion into a negative one - a humiliation of human dignity !!!

Answer from Analy Analy[guru]
Pity is directed at the person himself, and empathy and sympathy - at the situation in which the person finds himself. Empathy and sympathy is sharing with a person of his experiences. This is not humiliating, if not confused with pity. And pity is not a sharing of experiences with a person, but a position of condescension to the "wretchedness" of a person as a person. And she humiliates because ... respect as a full-fledged person disappears. Those who are satisfied with this do not consider pity to be humiliating, on the contrary, they use it with pleasure.

Answer from Yo[guru]
A pity? Pity is not humiliation... But it can become a humiliation in the eyes of a stupid person.

Answer from Bu-sin-ca[guru]
Because pride is paramount)

Answer from Baby[guru]
When you feel sorry for a person, you mean that he cannot stand up for himself. So, for example, when giving alms, we treat this person as incapable of earning a living on his own.

Answer from Ksulun[guru]
Sincere pity does not humiliate a person.

Answer from Alenka 67[guru]
Pity is definitely humiliating, because you treat a person from above, pitying him, as weak, who cannot help himself in this world, but it is not only humiliating, it is also harmful, because many people like to use it, which means we we harm him.