What a person thinks about himself directly affects what he eventually sees in the mirror. The negative messages that people receive from other people and from the media also have an impact on this. Creating a positive body image begins with combining your thoughts about yourself with the information that you receive from outside.

When a person cannot reconcile these feelings and images, then his self-esteem drops and cognitive dissonance occurs. Even if you have formed a certain point of view regarding your own body, if it does not coincide with the opinions of others, then the slightest comment about your appearance can unsettle you.

To understand your own thoughts, answer the 5 simple questions below:

1. “Am I critical of my appearance?”;
2. “Am I a perfectionist?”;
3. “Do I compare myself to other people?”;
4. “Do I judge people by their appearance?”;
5. “What do my friends, relatives, and peers think about my appearance?”

Where do you focus your attention?

Creating a positive body image starts with how you feel about yourself overall. This concept includes categories such as self-esteem, positive outlook (mood) and emotional stability. Let's look at these categories in more detail.

Self-esteem consists of your assessment of your own knowledge and skills, multiplied by other people's opinions of you. If you feel negative about your abilities, then you may be overly focused on looking good in other people's eyes.

A positive outlook (mood) is formed by recognizing one’s own strengths and adequately perceiving one’s weaknesses. On the other hand, a negative view (mood), which develops a negative attitude towards one’s own body, is usually based on perfectionism, comparison and the habit of criticizing and judging.

Perfectionism creates a mental image - an ideal that is impossible to achieve;
Comparing oneself with other people lowers a person's self-esteem;
The habit of criticizing and judging leads to the fact that a person begins to have an extremely negative attitude towards himself, looking for the slightest shortcomings.

Emotional stability comes from your ability to stay in touch with your thoughts, feelings and desires. To create a positive body image, you must be able to maintain this emotional stability. Then you will not be afraid of inappropriate remarks and caustic jokes from other people.

there is hope

It is important to understand that any attitude towards oneself can be adjusted. A person can learn to be less critical, reduce his love of perfectionism, and stop comparing himself to others. You can learn to resist existing stereotypes in society regarding appearance. You can choose as friends people who value you and do not insult you.

Remember that you alone are responsible for the image you hold in your mind.

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You can only pretend that you are lucky with your partner. And hide the exhausting
relationships behind bright photos on social networks. You can even believe that everything is so
there should be. But unhealthy relationships deprive people of life energy
feel anxious and tired. And they feel powerless day after day.

How do you understand that something needs to be changed? The right questions and honest
answers.

website gives several questions that will help you see and
solve problems or realize how lucky you are with your partner.

Can you calmly discuss plans for the future?

If you are unable to plan a future together, if any attempts
cause a feeling of anxiety and instead of a calm discussion you quarrel - in
there is no trust in your relationship and, most likely, there is no future for your relationship.
It's just a matter of time.

In healthy relationships, partners look into the future without fear, on the contrary, with pleasure and excitement.

Are your promises to each other always valid?

In harmonious relationships, people feel safe and trust their
companion. What kind of trust can we talk about if promises are not fulfilled?
if they forget about each other’s requests as soon as they cross the threshold of the house, if
Can't you rely on your partner?

It is important to respect the feelings and desires of your loved one and not throw away empty promises.

How do you feel about total control?

In harmonious relationships, people do not experience a manic desire to control and impose their opinion on any matter. This behavior may look like caring, but it is driven by the desire to completely control the life of the other half.

In a healthy relationship Each partner has their own boundaries and hobbies. After all, this is precisely why they are interesting to each other.

Are your daily routines the same?

You have developed different habits and you just can’t agree on
daily routine? Or is there simply no desire to adapt to your partner? If necessary
to say that such a life is in no way similar to a harmonious one.

People who respect each other will always find a balance so that both can feel comfortable.

Can life be calm and comfortable if it is difficult to get feedback from your partner? If you have to guess and be tormented by the question of what happened this time, looking at the next performance. When it is not known what action will cause indicative tears, silence and a demonstration of spiritual wounds.

This behavior is cruel manipulation. People who love and respect each other do not resort to such ugly tricks. In a healthy relationship there is always feedback.

How are successes perceived?

When you find it difficult to accept your significant other's successes, it is obvious that the relationship
there is rivalry, envy, low self-esteem and desire
control.

In a harmonious family people sincerely rejoice at each other's successes, feeling the victories of each partner as common. Even if the victories are insignificant and not the first time.

Joint plans fell through due to urgent matters. What will your evening be like?

If your partner's relationship and feelings are not that important, you don't have to report it.
changed plans. You can turn off your phone altogether and calmly, without remorse
conscience to deal with the issues that have arisen.

But in harmonious relationships people treat each other with understanding, not avoiding discussions if something went wrong. And without fear of running into scandal and reproaches. After all, joint plans can always be rescheduled for free time.

What do you do immediately after a fight?

If even during a quarrel you do not stop thinking about not offending
your soul mate, without hurting her feelings, then your relationship can be envied.

No one is immune from disagreements, but in a healthy relationship, partners do not try to trample each other, do not want to hurt more painfully and do not sarcastically remind of past mistakes. And after a quarrel they do not descend into blackmail, punishment, and do not remain silent for days. Loving people are interested in quickly eliminating differences and understanding the position of their companion.

Are you jealous of every pillar? Are you jealous?

It happens that jealousy develops into obsession and the partner turns into a tyrant who perceives a loved one as property. It humiliates with mistrust, forces the loved one to endlessly justify himself and live in constant fear of angering the jealous person. This life is like hell.

You can also be jealous of friends, relatives, and hobbies. Create daily exhausting scandals and appeal to feelings of guilt. But It’s much nicer to trust your loved ones.

You endlessly complain to your friends about your partner. And in general everything is bad. Yes?

A sure sign of an unhealthy relationship is if you can’t talk to your life partner, but pour out your soul to friends abundantly. You constantly complain about how hard it is for you, are depressed, but do not even think about changing the situation.

You can, of course, turn into an eternally unhappy whiner and endlessly annoy everyone with complaints about your miserable fate and broken life. Or you can try to change something. Talk sincerely with your other half, listen. What if, in fact, your desires and vision of a happy life coincide?

What if something went completely wrong?

Exhausting showdowns with mutual reproaches and insults about any obstacle that arises - this is exactly how it is customary to solve problems in sick relationships. The main thing is to let your partner know that you are right and your point of view is more important, and the essence of the problem is not important.

In a harmonious relationship, no one gets personal. People are looking for opportunities to correct the situation, rather than torturing the reasons for its occurrence. And therefore, in harmonious relationships, problems are solved as interesting puzzles.

You are not good enough, you need to be improved and changed. This is true?

Mature and loving partners know how to accept each other. Not compared with ephemeral ideals, with unrealized fantasies and more successful friends. And in unhealthy relationships, people constantly want to remake one another and are always unhappy. After all, how to be happy when your companion does everything wrong: he thinks wrong, says wrong, looks wrong. Torment, not life.

If you want to be happy, be more tolerant of those you love.

Who is right and who is wrong?

Instead of looking for a way out and drawing conclusions for the future, you are looking for someone to blame. And you find it - here it is, nearby. The closest, and therefore the most guilty. This is what they do in relationships where there is no harmony. The partner does not see the reasons for failures in his behavior, but blames a loved one. And the loved one does nothing but take the blow and try not to enrage. What kind of harmony can we talk about?

In a healthy loving relationship - one team. They care about each other, act together and take responsibility for mistakes together.

How to be happy together?

We are responsible for those we have tamed. Relationships are the responsibility of two. Not
Be afraid to speak honestly to your partner and truly listen to him.
Only in this way will you be able to understand how harmonious your relationship is.

You cannot change another person, but you can change yourself. And he
will change itself by seeing your changes. And it's much more pleasant when not only you
lucky with a partner, but he was lucky with you. Be attentive to your loved ones
unless, of course, you want to live happily ever after.

Do you think any relationship problems can be uncovered and corrected with the right questions and honest answers? What other questions do you think will help you understand how strong a relationship is? Share your thoughts in the comments.

The way a person treats his boss says nothing about him. But the way he behaves with the waiter is a magic window into his soul.

Why is it important?

The Waiter Rule suggests that how we treat waitstaff can reveal a lot about our personality. Most CEOs of well-known companies agree with this. When a candidate is interviewed for a leadership position, he is necessarily tested on how he will treat his assistant. Rudeness and demandingness in such cases is proof that such a person cannot be on the team of players.

Moreover, psychologists advise paying attention to how a person treats the waiter when choosing his future life partner. In light of the above, I would like to know how a person's behavior towards service personnel reveals his personality. To determine this, let's analyze some common behavior patterns.

A friendly person who always says “thank you”

We all know such people. They are always friendly. They greet the waiters and always address them by name. And they say “thank you” - sometimes too much. This is the type of person who sees everyone as equal.

Such people recognize that having a high-paying job does not make you superior, nor does it give you the right to treat people poorly. They treat all people with compassion and empathy, regardless of whether they know each other closely or not.

Such people recognize that every person has his own story. A waiter or waitress may be the family's sole breadwinner, and he or she may be working two jobs. Perhaps they are paying for their education. Regardless of the situation, this type of person realizes that we are all equal. Such people always remain kind.

This attitude indicates that this person is capable of working well in a team. He loves to see people happy and is never prejudiced towards them. This is a truly good person.

Rude man

Most likely, in restaurants you have more than once seen people who are rude to waiters? Have you noticed men or women who talk to the waiter in a condescending manner? Maybe they were just having a bad day (although that doesn't give them the right to treat others badly)... Maybe this is an isolated incident.

However, for some people this is a common occurrence. Often they don't even realize that they are being rude. They address the waiter in a condescending manner. They snap their fingers to get their attention. For such people, waiters and waitresses are invisible. Whether this attitude is intentional or not, they treat the service staff as lower class because of their job.

Because these people pay waiters, they think that waiters should satisfy their needs, whether they are justified or not.

People who exhibit this behavior are demanding individuals. They may think that they are better than other people. They may feel superior to others. Such people are selfish, they crave control and power.

Most likely, they have what is known as a situational value system. This means that they change their behavior depending on the perceived status of the person they are interacting with.

But in addition to people who are friendly with waiters and those who are rude to them, there are also those who prefer minimal interaction with them.

People who prefer minimal contact

Some people prefer not to have long conversations with the waiter or waitress. This doesn't mean they are rude. It just might mean that today is not their best day and therefore they are not in the mood to talk to anyone. Each of us has those days when we don’t want to let anyone into our personal space.

It is also quite possible that such people will turn out to be introverts. They prefer everyone to focus on their work. They can use the same strategy in their workplace. Introverts can be goal-oriented and focused on getting things done efficiently and quickly.

But while some people prefer to be quiet, others like to have long conversations with everyone around them.

People who love to talk

We all have friends who like to ask a lot of questions. And their interactions with waiters are no exception.

This can happen due to a number of reasons. Of course, there is a possibility that your friend enjoys annoying the waiter. But it's much more likely that this person is actually curious and would like to know as much information as possible when they are a customer and paying for something.

In addition, the person may be an extrovert. In this case, he actually enjoys meeting new people and getting to know them as well as possible.

Such people are confident that they know exactly what they want and are not afraid to express their opinions. And they're not afraid to ask questions to make sure they're getting exactly what they want.

Moral of the story

The behavior pattern we use when interacting with waiters can reveal a lot about our personality. While some of the traits identified are fairly harmless, as is the case with introverts and extroverts, there are others that make the waiter feel bad. Therefore, it is very important to monitor your behavior. All people are equal, no matter what their status at work.

Treat people the way they treat you

Have you ever received a metaphorical slap in the face from someone you treated with kindness and care? This happens to most people, and after that there is a natural desire to no longer communicate with such people. I had two elderly neighbors (unfortunately, both of them have been dead for a long time). They were friends, and one day Elsie invited Phyllis to her place for dinner. About half an hour before she arrived, Phyllis called her friend and said, “I’m not coming, and don’t call me again,” and then hung up. By the time I met them, 15 years had already passed since that incident, but Elsie never found out what she had done wrong: Phyllis had not spoken to her since then.

Poor Elsie was very tormented by this, and it would be quite understandable if after what happened she was wary of making new friends. But Elsie was very friendly by nature and did not let the unpleasant experience affect her life. She remained kind and sympathetic, her neighbors loved her, and Elsie's house was always full of people. When she got old and found it difficult to cope on her own, there were always friends ready to help her.

It's a bit like a folk tale, but in fact, everything in this story is true. The development of the plot turned out to be quite predictable: Phyllis, a very bitter and difficult lady to communicate with, managed to quarrel with almost all her neighbors and lost her few friends. She was the only neighbor with whom I did not have a good relationship. Like Elsie, I also don’t know why I didn’t please her.

We are all familiar with similar stories. They happen again and again. If you are kind and help people, you have many friends from whom you get support when needed. As in the case of Elsie, for all the good that you do to people, it is not always repaid to you from them, but nevertheless, goodness will definitely return from somewhere.

This can be perceived as karma. My son has a friend whose father drives my child to school once a week because we can’t on that day. Sometimes I feel embarrassed that I can’t repay him, although my classmate’s father doesn’t really care - he’s a generous person and is just happy to help. And I myself allow my friends’ child to stay with us after school from time to time and help him with his homework, for which I also don’t need anything in return from them. I realized that we all help each other in a chain, and as long as we are happy to lend a helping hand to someone - not necessarily the person helping us - we are all creating positive karma, and the system works. If you have no way of knowing who will need your support in the future, simply form this karma, and a helping hand will reach out to you when you need it most.

Rule 17

People treat you the way you treat them

author Mann Igor Borisovich

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Our test today is about how others perceive you. There can be all sorts of surprises here - pleasant and not so pleasant - right?

But we still ask you to treat our venture as a curious and fun experiment. Well, if you like it, tell your girlfriends and friends about it on social networks.

← Back Reply Reply Again

• Suffering Good

  "Here is a poor ..." or "a big soul person" - somehow they can designate you behind your eyes, depending on your own system of values.

  Because you carry everything on yourself and you care about everything - which, of course, is good for the world as a whole, but not always “ok” for yourself.

  Stray cats, crying children, grandmothers who have forgotten their address, and even alcoholics who cannot get up from the asphalt - you consider all this to be your responsibility, experiencing not just mild anxiety, but full-fledged stress.

  Also directly relevant to you, of course, are the problems of your second cousin from Udmurtia, your ex-husband’s mother (as well as the ex-husband himself) and that girl from the accounting department...

  Sometimes you yourself don’t even realize that you are again getting involved in saving the Universe... Well, the Universe is already ready: its inhabitants know that they can hang absolutely everything on you - and you will come, get it, sign for it and do everything for the best form. In other words: everyone is trying to take advantage of your kindness.

  Your parents raised you very well and you have a really big heart, but don't let others use these facts against you. Take care of yourself!

• Sunny man

  - Hello, sunshine!

  Somehow, it is quite possible that you greet a colleague in the department, radiating warmth, kindness and positivity.

  They can answer you about the same, but let's ask ourselves a question: is it sincere?

  You are a truly open and direct person who does not hold a grudge and is happy with his life, and therefore smiles at her from the bottom of his heart.

  However, not everyone can boast of this. Many simply pretend to be friendly and sociable, because society dictates this need to them.

  In turn, they can interpret your sincere attitude and direct manner of communication as hypocrisy and duplicity (everyone judges for himself!).

  Therefore, a little advice (even though no one likes them): do not lose the wonderful qualities of your character, but be restrained in their manifestation and open up only to those closest to you - those who will definitely understand and appreciate.

• An irreplaceable comrade

  Reliability is what others value most in you. You are the person who will really pick up the phone at three in the morning and come. The one who can perform artificial respiration and cardiac massage (and definitely resuscitate!). The one who, as we know, “stops a galloping horse, will enter a burning hut.”

  In everyday life, this manifests itself like this: you will always replace a work colleague without ratting him/her out to your superiors, babysit a friend’s child while she improves her personal life, or go pick up medicine for a sick neighbor.

  You do all this easily, simply, without lamentations - which does not burden people with a feeling of guilt towards you, but fills them with endless gratitude.

  That is why you are truly surrounded by loyal friends and good buddies. Continue in the same spirit and know that what you give will come back to you in double volume.

• Successful careerist

  Most likely, the direct association with you among those around you is the word “success”. You emanate this - satisfaction with your own life, well-being (material and not only), peace of mind for tomorrow.

  As you understand, the attitude towards this can be polar, depending on what kind of person you are dealing with.

  In one case, this may be absolute respect, if not admiration - the desire to interact, learn from experience, and ask for advice. In the other there is envy and irritation. Those with less successful lives might easily label you as "distant, arrogant and generally unpleasant."

  Nobody knows what it cost you and is worth what you have, and how often, unnoticed by others, you give up...

  What to do? Nothing! Shouldn't you make yourself worse in order to please someone? Keep up the good work and keep looking forward!

• Incorrigible optimist

  Have you ever noticed how much people around you whine? Too cold, too hot, too low wages, too high prices, too worthless husband, too useless life, but someone else... Etc. and so on.

  You never understood this whining, much less you never joined it.

  Do you think it’s simply because you know how to find positive sides in everything, think constructively and cope with difficulties without burdening everyone and everything?

  Nooo! The whole point is that you are the “other” one who, according to the majority, has everything in chocolate for some unknown reason. It seems to them that you are showing off to them, and they consider your lightness and your optimism to be a pathology that nothing can be done about, but they don’t want to face.
  Fortunately, there are others - those who fuel you, those who are fueled by you. Keep smiling at this world - and it will smile at you! Everything will be really cool!

• Double bottom

  “Keep it simple and people will be drawn to you...”

  Yes, I’d rather be more complex - and those who are simpler will lag behind me. Isn't that right?

  This is how (or approximately this) you reason. And, in general, they are right. You do not waste your time on unnecessary communication, but you know the rules of the game in polite society and adhere to them. You are interested in everything, you know everything, you are “in touch” with everyone, but at the same time carefully, cautiously, maintaining a safe distance for you, knowing your benefit.

  Those around you feel it and cannot understand what is wrong. It’s like you’re with them, but it’s also like you’re on your own. They seem to agree with everything, but they seem to have defended their point of view. You seem to be smiling, but to whom and why is unclear.

  A person with a “double bottom” - perhaps this is what they may say about you... But you know that this double bottom is simply self-defense, which ensures long swimming among “your own” in the most difficult conditions.

• Sarcastic Cynic

  It’s like in that meme - if you love sarcasm, you also love to live alone.

  You may well not live alone. However, sarcasm, irony, and a thousand and one well-aimed jokes are truly your main weapons.

  With everything marshmallow-vanilla, definitely not for you, but for a joke that could shake someone’s self-esteem - please.

  That is why among those around you you are known as a cynic. People have a habit of referring to those who look at life: a) realistically; b) with black humor.

  Few people know that behind your “ha-ha” there is observation, the ability to very accurately sense people and the situation, as well as a deep inner experience of difficult situations... You cover all this with the most bulletproof protection - and this is true. But it may seem to others that you are laughing when they cry.

• Vulnerable sad guy

  You are always a little distant and sad, as if you were born with a volume of Jean-Paul Sartre under your arm or are preparing to replay Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh.

  In fact, you are not so sad as you are smart - you think a lot about a variety of things, and they don’t give you peace.

  Well, it may seem to others that you are the one who hates them so much.

  It’s true that you are not exceptionally philanthropic, and you are truly comfortable only with those close to you, but those around you are unfair to you: if the situation is critical, you will throw off the mask of “sad absence” - and instantly come to the rescue, resolve someone else’s problem and even hug me goodbye, letting me cry on your shoulder... True, not for long :)
  Because your comfort zone and thoughts are still above all else for you. You have every right!

• Difficult man

  "Oooh, this is a very difficult person!" - this is quite possibly what they are saying behind your back, trying to “prepare” your new acquaintance for what awaits him.

  Let's figure out why you are such a difficult thing in the eyes of those around you.

  In short: because you are an individual.

  You have your own position, point of view and views, which you are not going to change to please anyone.

  You do not impose anything on anyone, but you demand the same in return.

  And it would be okay if you went into disputes and proceedings - it would be clearer and easier for those around you! No, you simply silently and deedly defend what you believe in, and do as you want, while others throw up their hands indignantly and shake their heads reproachfully.

  Meanwhile, you really are not a dollar to please everyone. You are a much more valuable character - because you never overindulge yourself, already knowing that you and your interests are worth very, very much.

• Hidden soulfulness

  One of two things: either you realized in time how others like to take advantage of sincere people, or you are by nature emotionally restrained and hate public (and, in general, any) manifestation of emotions.

  One way or another, it often seems to others that you have the emotional range of a toothpick. No sushi-pussy, no complaints, no talk of “life with cognac at the corporate event.”

  You always keep everyone at a decent distance and don’t even give them any reason to think that this distance can be reduced.

  Your caution is understandable and close, but don’t overdo it - it won’t be long before you miss a real person who is worthy of entering your life.

• Indifference and apathy

  Oh... Are you alive?

  Well, it’s true, you won’t be able to figure it out right away! I would like to stir you up to make sure.

  You are so immersed in your reality that you are completely absent from the reality of other people with whom life brings you together every day.

  No one is saying that you should be equally attentive and sympathetic to the entire globe, but at least for the sake of your loved ones, you can fork out and find the resources within yourself to listen and hear.

  Otherwise they are offended. They think that you don’t love them, don’t value them, and don’t respect them. So many claims and scandals could be resolved so simply - by a humane and humane conversation.

  We understand that, quite possibly, you are so exhausted by demanding people and circumstances that you want only one thing - to be left alone... But if this peace is too long, you yourself will not be happy!

  So, go ahead and call the person who is least unpleasant for you at this time in your life. And good luck!