Throughout human history, people have asked the question: “What is love?” Many bright minds have tried to define the subtle ephemeral feeling. It can be considered to be a deep attachment to another person, being or thing. However, there is no clear formula that describes in detail its components and methods of expression. Philosophers and psychologists are still debating, trying to understand the essence of this mysterious feeling.

Everything is very serious

You can love everything: parents, friends, pet, food or weather. How often is this word pronounced? It has become so firmly entrenched in our minds that it has become quite natural to confess our feelings. At the same time, this is a rather serious concept that should not be devalued by a dismissive attitude towards it.

Love can be completely different. Everyone feels and manifests it according to their inner world. Just as there are no two absolutely identical people, there cannot be a single definition of this feeling.

However, it is simply vital. A person who is unable to treat loved ones with care and does not enjoy the joys of life cannot be considered a full-fledged person.

From happiness to hopelessness

Each person perceives love in their own way and manifests it individually. Sometimes it brings suffering, sometimes happiness and unearthly bliss. Love is such a vivid feeling that it cannot manifest itself quietly and imperceptibly.

This feeling can be divided into several categories, in accordance with the objects for which strong feelings are experienced.

Types of love

Love of parents and children

It is unconditional, any parents love their child for who he is, regardless of his personal qualities. It is impossible to logically explain the strong bond between mother and child.

Love for the opposite sex

The feeling literally blinds and knocks you down. The brain ceases to logically perceive information regarding the object of passion. A person in love sees only countless advantages, endlessly admires and literally dissolves in his partner. This behavior is explained by a surge of hormones. However, scientific theory does not explain why this particular person and not another evokes strong feelings.

For some, love moves forward; it’s as if they grow wings. Others are in constant anxiety and are painfully afraid of losing their other half, while they suffer terribly and do not enjoy what is happening. Unrequited love is perceived as especially tragic. It would seem that just recently you did not know this person and existed perfectly well; now life without him is of no value.

Painful relationships can lead to serious problems, sometimes requiring the help of specialists. Some people, especially at a young age, attempt suicide, all because of unrequited feelings.

Love for loved ones and friends

It arises in the process of life, communication, and interaction in a team. A person urgently needs to experience warm feelings and feel support from others. People related by blood and with common interests are able to become deeply attached to each other. Their relationship will be no less strong than love passions between representatives of the opposite sex. A person who has no friends is truly deprived of something serious and real; one can only feel sorry for him.

Love to motherland

People are capable of having deep feelings for the place where they were born. It cannot be vaccinated; a person simply feels the need, it is vital for him to be in an environment that is dear to him, where everything is familiar from childhood. People are capable of much if there is a real threat to their established world. History knows many feats performed in the name of the Motherland.

So what is it?

It is impossible to give a clear definition of love, no matter how many scientific works are written, everyone decides for himself what this feeling is for him personally. You can be skeptical, disbelieve, and even laugh at people who show strong emotions. One thing can be said with confidence - love is present in life, it is simply necessary for normal existence. Feeling gives strength, reveals all the best in a person.

However, there is a danger of a reverse process if it is rejected. All the same, this feeling is a manifestation of the best human qualities; it illuminates everything around with the light of goodness and happiness. It is necessary to take care of love, try to treat the world around you as best as possible, and it will definitely reciprocate, playing with bright colors.

Energy in this definition is meant - your work, skills, abilities. This can be either physical labor or intellectual, mental, any of your abilities or even your life. To give your Love means to be useful and necessary. This is the desire for joy, harmony, beauty. Giving yourself, your strength, without demanding anything in return, absolutely voluntarily - this is the principle of the actions of a person who loves something or someone!

Love comes closest to the concept and has two directions: I give Love and I accept Love. The main thing in Love is the condition - selfless. The opposite feeling of Love is the feeling and state of complete Egoism.

The concept of Love extends to the individual expression of one's love for an individual, or for society. Love for the Motherland is the country and people, pride in the country, pride in the fact that you live in this country. Love for the Motherland is the highest human value!

A person has no other, higher or higher value! There is the next one according to the imposed priority of society - Love for parents it looks like your gratitude for the opportunity to learn life lessons. Why imposed? Answer: This is how it has developed in society, this is how society and its interpretation are. The power of Love lies not only in the ability to give it, but also in the ability to sensually receive and gratefully confirm. By giving away part of yourself, your abilities, and your energy, you cannot expect anything in return. The power of love is stronger the more good deeds and energy spent on the object of Love.

Satisfying the feeling of Love, occurs in moments of receiving feedback from the object of love, when the giver of Love sees that his efforts and energy were gratefully received, in return he received an emotion

Examples of true love: love for a kitten, love for a child, love for a man, love for a woman, love for parents, love for the Motherland. Love is always given absolutely voluntarily, And

Before giving your Love, make sure the person is ready to gratefully accept it!

True love between a man and a woman, when two people, having gone through a period of time in a relationship such as , are seriously involved in a higher relationship. This is the ability to give each other the energy of heat, and the energy of Love.

False love and false understanding

Why is the concept of Love inaccessible to most people for an unambiguous understanding of its meaning? The fact is that this word masks intentions or descriptions of ordinary sexual, carnal pleasures. Therefore, most people associate the concept of Love with sex.

The second, very common misconception of many people is that Love is always different, that it is different for different objects (children, man, parents, country, team, work..) - this is a misconception! This misconception arises from the difference in the severity of feelings, age, the severity of a person’s desires, and misunderstanding. Only the objects are different! Besides all that, a woman’s love automatically passes from a man to a child. And a man’s love, with the birth of children, turns into two feelings - for a child and for a woman.

When asking the question “What is Love and how do you understand it,” most men and women in our society give one-sided, poor, convenient answers for personal understanding - “everyone has their own”, “this is patience”, “I haven’t even met”, “ when I feel it, I’ll say,” “this is when I have butterflies in the bottom of my stomach.” Let us ask ourselves the question - why is there such Ignorance? The answer is clear - your level of development is at a low, critical level.

Complete misunderstanding of the feeling of Love, why? Why does the seemingly simple and understandable definition of the feeling Love is giving, cause rejection, rejection, explosive disagreement with a willingness to break into name-calling of the interlocutor? The answer is clear - Maslow’s pyramid of needs, which explains at what stage of his development a person feels the desire to give Love absolutely unselfishly.

Acceptance of the very definition, and even more so of actions and deeds in Love, occurs only when a person has climbed the social ladder and satisfied his basic needs.

Maslow's pyramid of needs. Definitely, a person who is at the bottom stage of development will never give up love!

Look carefully! This is Maslow's pyramid, where the human condition, his feelings and desires to give Love are practically at the top of this pyramid. This pyramid accurately shows all the states of a person and his level of development. Now put yourself on this pyramid - where are you?

The height and demand of a person’s feelings, his desires, impulses depend on his bitterness and the possible dulling of these feelings at different periods of life. The experience of life, the numerous blows of life, can significantly reduce this severity of feelings. Many people compare Love at a young age with love in middle age. It is not right!

Love for something may be felt very weakly or the manifestation of this feeling may not occur at all. This is very often associated with bitterness in childhood. Thus, a child beaten by his parents will remain crippled in Love for the rest of his life; his ability to Love is completely replaced by feeling.

False love is when love has entered the phase of humility and become a habit. This state is called humble Love. The stable expression - “Love is always different”, absolutely does not refer to the concept itself, but refers to the age period of a person, his openness or closedness, the state of acuteness of feelings. Love does not treat different types of objects - bugs, spiders, dogs or people. The expression of Love is always the same - to give unselfishly! Giving love to God is selfless! Surrendering to work is also love!

Sacrificial Love- this is the willingness of an individual to show True Love for another, thereby taking responsibility for a loved one in the form of sharing his karma, in other words, to give oneself completely, free of charge, to accomplish a feat, to give one’s life. As an example of sacrificial Love: the love of a mother for her child, love for parents, love for God.

To understand and define Love, look at the formula by which any feeling and transitions of feelings in a person live and the main phases of transitions from one state to another. These are feelings and states for men:

What love looks like and the state of love

The state of Love can be described as being useful, giving a piece of yourself or what a person has the most valuable, is nearby, admiring a partner, absorbing his words and image, his state. When a person experiences a long-term positive emotional upsurge, he is overwhelmed with joy, delight, an open smile and other positive emotions - this state is called.

Unconditional love

As a phrase that fully describes the concept of Love, you can cite a famous saying from the cartoon - "Do good and throw it into the water!" without expecting anything in return!

Unrequited love

Unrequited love is a state when one person, showing all his strength, desire, passion, does something pleasant, useful for another person or object, he expects reciprocity, but he receives nothing in return. In other words, this is Love only in one direction.

Differences between concepts - Passion and Love

The sequence in a person’s feelings is as follows - Look > Sympathy > Infatuation > Passion > Love.
Falling in love introduces a person into a state of Passion during the initial period of mutual Love. The center of excitation of the central nervous system is so active that it becomes the main one, subjugates and reduces any other feelings. The lover does not want to eat, drink, or sleep. It is impossible to distract him from thoughts about his object of Love. By the way, the same state of Passion can arise for a favorite activity and lead to a creative explosion at the birth of masterpieces. It can be an object, an object, or a work of art, or the result of any labor in any field of a person.

Two people fall in love and think that passionate Love is right, that this is the state that should accompany their whole life. This is wrong! Some cooling of feelings in marriage, reduction and transition to Love is a protective reaction of the body. The human body cannot function for a long time in a state of constant love Affect of Passion. When they say that Love only lasts 3 years, they are talking about Passion. Strengthening Love occurs when one person does something good for another, giving a piece of his care and energy.

Investing in Love, a person begins to love the object even more, becomes dependent on it, becomes attached and weakens. He becomes dependent on this Love. In this state, a person loses strength and becomes easily accessible to manipulation and external control.

Differences between concepts - Love and Relationships

Relationships are when you begin to demand that another person do something in return - this is a selfish relationship - you give me, I give you. An example of relationships and manipulation: Wife - “Take out the trash, I’ll cook something to eat!” The main thing in true Love is the condition - . In other words, the concept of Relationship hides ordinary prostitution, sex for money or goods.

Example: for Love for your child, you do not expect that he will grow up, learn and when he goes to work, he will give you his salary in gratitude for raising him.

The role of men and women in the family

The role of a man is only provisional and protective. A man is only a tool for creating a prosperous family, a tool for a financially secure life, a carrier of hereditary genes, a protector of the family. To create a full-fledged family, you need to choose a decent tool that meets current requirements, is in good working order, and functions. And only after this, skillfully managing and directing the instrument, a Woman creates a family.

Strong men with money, powerful and famous will never accept that they are influenced by the women they are in.

The innate need of men, the fulfillment of this desire gives women the power with which Women can both destroy them and elevate a man. Remove a woman from the life of a Strong man, and all their wealth will become meaningless and useless to them!
The role of a woman is incentive and managerial. In addition to the function of childbearing, a woman must stand behind her husband and be able to manage him with the help of her main qualities of a real woman: Beauty, Love, Faith, Tolerance, Sincerity, Loyalty, Charm, Tenderness, Care, Affection, Forgiveness. Controlling and stimulating a man like a big ship is the main task of a woman. Disclosure of the true role of women in the article -

Behind any outstanding man is his woman, his Passion and Love, which controls him. Note to yourself that managing is not a banal everyday manipulation like “You are a gift for me, I will give you sex.”

For example, any outstanding personality - a man, as a rule, has an equally outstanding personality - a woman. These women are not mentioned in historical references and documents, but they exist, and thanks to or despite them, progress or degradation of humanity occurs.

Mutual love

Mutual love occurs most often during the period of Passion. One person's feelings are then converted into a lifelong consumer with minimal return. As an example, it often happens that a woman loves a man, but he, in turn, only allows himself to be loved, or vice versa. This is a classic situation. Statistics show that maintaining mutual Love for a long time is almost impossible.

Marriage with differences

She is beautiful, smart, decent. In other words, this is the love of one person for another, which was previously lower in both quality and level of the inner self. Why does this happen?
Why women reject their most worthy admirers in order to ponder the vicissitudes of love in the future.

The probable reason here is that the Universe has provided for the increase in the level of human improvement through a simple mechanism genetic diversity of the species- if you have good hereditary data and your soul has a higher level, then share your heredity with others.

Where does love go in a long-term marriage?

Some cooling of feelings in marriage, a decrease in passion is a protective reaction of the body, since the human body will not be able to function for a long time in a state of constant love Passion! The fire of love has cooled down, only gray everyday life remains, the children have grown up and left the nest.

With age, the power of Love naturally decreases due to the large number of impacts of negative emotions and surges of adrenaline. This is explained by the physical fatigue of the kidneys and liver, which remove excess hormones, and the general aging of the body’s cells, which, when working properly, reduce outbreaks of aggression and nervousness.

Since there is no complete removal of excess stress hormones, an adjustment occurs to limit the susceptibility of feelings. In other words, with age, even if you give out the energy of Love to your partner with the same strength and stability as at a young age, then the partner already has less sensitive channels for receiving this energy, due to the fact that he either has a defensive reaction from an excess of negative flow, or the receiving channel closes due to cell aging. You don't see the manifestation of love for you!

If a woman does not have enough Faith, the marriage degenerates to the level of Ignorance and falls apart. The Woman is largely to blame here. She simply did not have enough time for self-knowledge, awareness of her role in the family union, or simply reading what Happiness is and what . The opposite state of Love is.
Looks depressing doesn't it? However, each of you thinks, “All this is bullshit and of course everything will be different for me...”.

Substitution of the concept of Love in modern society

Modern society has serious problems in the relationship between man and woman and family. Here destructive information dumps and substitution of concepts play a destructive role. The lack of basic concepts and values ​​in life has a great negative impact. Moral degradation and materialism are the current state of society.

"What do you have?" - this is the main question of modern ignorant girls. When you want to be taken care of in every possible way, to solve your problems, to give you gifts, to provide for you - these are demands and relationships. What women or girls often call Love is actually extreme self-interest and a business relationship.

Destructive information dumps like “”, “Nobody owes anyone anything”
In modern society there is a big problem of relationships. It turns out that with the development of civilization, our lives become more satisfying, safer, and we have more time for leisure. Man, the functions of his hunger feelings laid down by nature, is a voracious worm devouring the apple of life and he always has not enough! It follows that constant dissatisfaction is the natural state of man. The state of eternal dissatisfaction of the Feelings is the entire biological, physical, human essence. Man is created for Love to accept and give a piece of himself. However, everyone is on social networks and looking for happiness in photographs and correspondence. Reality and loneliness in reality is terrifying!

Loneliness comes from the concept - .

Esoteric interpretation of the concept of Love

Read these phrases carefully, there is no contradiction here: Love treats your higher self with respect, “ gives everyone their due: to whom to give, to give; to whom quitrent, quitrent; to whom fear, fear; to whom honor, honor ". Love obeys the Word of God: “Honor your father and mother...” “Honor everyone, love the brotherhood...” “Honor one another above yourselves.”(1 Pet. 2 ch.; Phil. 2 ch.; Rom. 13 ch.).

According to the esoteric interpretation, the concept of love also extends to fear, intimidation - you need to intimidate - do it and it will be considered a manifestation of Love.

Lack of Love

The reason for the absence of Love is mainly the loss of the object itself or the inability to show sincere Love, the inability to give it. The loss of a person is one of the reasons for the death of Love.

Lack of Love is a seriously flawed human condition when he cannot accept or give love. There are times when a person has only one direction - this is either the ability to give or the ability to take. It’s quite simple to check this: invite the person to do something kind and pleasant for him, feed him, give him juice, tea. If a person categorically refuses an offer, then this means that he is not able to give himself, to be obligated, bound by obligations. Such people are not able to either give or take Love. These are ruthless and very pragmatic people who consider all of the above to be “patriotic crap.”

What is "Love"? Love - 💏 - is it a chemical reaction, a spiritual impulse, a desire to be "like behind a stone wall", or maybe a habit or affection?

There is no single definition of love in psychology. After all, each person can interpret the definition of this feeling in his own way - this is a kind of setting that sets the behavioral model of the partner's relationship to the outside world or the object of love.

Love is a foolish thing done together.
Napoleon I Bonaparte

Love: Definition from a psychological point of view

There are three completely contradictory interpretations of the concept of “Love”:

1. Love is the state of being in love- disorders, akin to neurosis, when attention is weakened, vigilance is lost, a person becomes "detached from this world."
   Love is an internal drug when the brain releases hormones of pleasure, dopamine, sensation and serenity.
   Love is a painless habit, the human need to feel loved, to give these wonderful emotions to others, to be happy and satisfied.

Psychologists say that true love is like love for a child, an indicator of a pure soul, dedication to the end, care and renunciation, this cannot be understood with the head, only felt by the heart.

Love is an objective concept, for one to love is to give gifts, for another it is to sympathize and empathize, and for the third it is to give life without delay. It is sometimes very difficult to take and explain this feeling in words.

What are the stages of love?

In total, there are 7 stages that love goes through, they may not occur for everyone, but they take place:

1. Love- a short period when lovers plunge into a state of euphoria, they notice only all the good things, do not see the negative sides of each other, but everything ends quickly when people start living together or plan a wedding, they face domestic troubles;
   Satiation- lovers begin to “evaluate their love” differently, coexistence begins, which can lead to separation or unity;
   Disgust- a real test for lovers, they become selfish, reciprocity disappears, without this stage it is impossible to step into another world, the true awareness of love;
   Humility- lovers begin to adequately look at each other, accept their soul mate as a separate person, with all the vices and shortcomings, a period of self-improvement, improvement and mutual understanding begins;
   Service– people completely immerse themselves in the world of bliss, the personification of wisdom and piety, support each other in any endeavors;
   Friendship– accepting each other as a loved one, lovers devote more time to their other half, get to know themselves again, build new relationships full of madness;
   Love– partners have come a long way, learned to appreciate and love truly, now they perceive each other as a single whole, without mercantile attitudes and cunning tricks!

Do you want to give a memorable gift to your beloved husband/boyfriend? Give him the book "" - he will be delighted with such a gift, believe me!

It is especially important to realize the fact that love does not ask for anything - this feeling gives warmth, spiritual harmony and pleasure. If a blind love addiction arises, then you need to get rid of it, no matter how difficult it may be at first!

Such feelings force the partner to be with the chosen one all the time, to be jealous, to forgive even in the most difficult cases, which will ultimately lead to the destruction of the individual and even fatal death.

What do famous psychologists say about the definition of the word “Love”?

Sternberg: The results of combining the components of love

Sternberg believed that this feeling can carry an objective load in three semantic components: attraction, passion and responsibility towards oneself and the other half.

Ideal love is one in which all these components merge together, feelings become strong and flammable!

What does E. Fromm say about the definition of love?

He considers love to be a momentary feeling that appears in moments of great joy; the motivation for feelings can be fear of loneliness, and in rare manifestations - sadism.

According to E. Fromm, love is like a commercial deal, to love is to take and give to the fullest, open up, dedicate your secrets and let them into your innermost world of love and experiences. Be strong, don’t let feelings go by themselves, control the process, no matter how paradoxical it may sound.

The first violent outbursts of emotions are replaced by brave and strong feelings that help keep the raft of love afloat, and not allow it to break on the rocks of enmity, hatred, constant quarrels and scandals.

A.V. Petrovsky argues differently

He describes love as external manifestations of feeling, accessible to everyone to observe. The way a person changes outwardly when a feeling of attachment to another appears, he renounces his previous life and begins to commit crazy actions. Love is conditioned by intimate attractions and presupposes sincerity and openness to each other.

If there is a lie, then this is not love, but the unscrupulous exploitation of someone else's trust, fraudulent actions, sometimes thoughtless. Feelings should be replaced by actions, but at the same time testify to the same thing. If I love, then it manifests itself in all relationships.

Video: Modern psychologists about what “Love” is

Psychologist Natalya Tolstaya

Love is like a chemical reaction

Lovers like to be together, the production of various hormones is triggered, which lead to crazy actions, euphoria, insomnia, loss of appetite, and a change in the reality around.

Love makes you crazy, the brain begins to produce excess amounts of dopamine, and a state of satisfaction appears. A person commits thoughtless actions and is sometimes unable to adequately evaluate the result obtained.

These “aggressive” hormones do not live for a long time, the phase of madness quickly ends, and love passes into another metamorphosis - affection, understanding, trust, unity, etc.

The desire to fall in love is not love. But the fear of falling in love is already love.
Etienne Rey

The love hormone - oxytocin, plays a key role in the psychology of behavior of lovers, as they say, if you feel good, then I feel great! Love is the complete surrender of oneself in exchange for the truth of the feelings of another.

This chemical element helps build relationships, binds families and friends with bonds of love, and helps curb the true feeling inside. Such a change in the psychology of behavior changes life for the better and creates a feeling of trust in others. This method can treat neurosis in patients.

What is first love?

Are these vivid memories or a lesson for life? Many argue that first love is doomed to failure. Parents do not give importance to this hobby of their children; adults often secretly sigh when remembering their first love, sometimes considering it the truest and most sinless.

The first relationship between a man and a woman can be both negative and positive! The most important thing is to learn the right lesson from this situation, not to dwell on the bad, to move forward and build new happy relationships without looking back.

Psychologists say this about this:

1. First love is the first personal relationship between a woman and a man, which is based on contact actions on the part of each other, the first emotions are actively manifested - feelings of love, hatred, anger, jealousy, resentment;
2. the lover remains alone with his experiences, tries to make an adequate decision on what to do next, sometimes the first experiences are so strong that they do not allow the lover to step over this period of life and move on to a new relationship;
3. in first love there are only feelings, all definitions of status fade into the background (material wealth, car, real estate, etc.);
4. lovers cannot accept the circumstances that have arisen sensibly, sometimes they cannot cope with the wave of surging experiences;
5. The meaning of first love is to learn to manage emotions, communicate with the opposite sex, and create your own system of behavior for the successful completion of the next relationship.

We always believe that our first love is our last and our last love is our first.
George John White-Melville

The first love can form strong ideas about the feeling of love in the future. It is very important to take a positive emotional experience out of this situation, and not ruin your personal life with painful memories.

There is often an illusion that if you return your first love, then your youth will return with it, but you need to live in the present, not the past, because only here and now can you change something in your life, become truly happy and successful.

What myths about love “erase” the knowledge of psychology

Is love at first sight real?

Love at second, third... sight can be bright, rich, inspired and unique. Psychologists often consider situations when a person believes that this is his real soul mate, and then meets another, and the world turns upside down again.

The object of love is one for all years and all centuries!

The first love seems to be the only one, but then the second comes, and feelings are ignited again... In the world, 25% of suicides occur due to the fact that many rivals compete for the favor of “one love.” So for whom is she really the only one?

In a truly loving heart, either jealousy kills love, or love kills jealousy.
Fedor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky

Every person has a soulmate, the main thing is to spot her in the crowd of numerous passers-by and not miss her, so as not to break the agreement of eternal and happy love.

You cannot live in a world where there is no love, when the other half is completely indifferent to you, because the time will come when true love will appear, and one of the partners will remain “overboard”, in a sea of ​​​​tears and sad illusions.

There are at least a million options for meeting your soulmate; perhaps this requires changing your place of residence, social circle, work, study, but the choice will be made, and the probability of a successful one is quite high.

Does eternal love exist?

Psychologists do not make loud statements on this matter, and the thought of a lover can live for a long period, but the foundations of family life can change these ideas. The higher the need for love, the more acute this problem is.

Most often, love is interpreted as respect, trust, understanding of each other; often a person falls in love several times, because he was not lucky enough to find his ideal. In fact, not everything is so simple, you need to move forward, not dwell on imaginary fantasies and erroneous ideals.

It is difficult to reason sensibly under the influence of the love hormone, but you simply must draw a conclusion and move on with your life!

Is it possible to get married without love?

Is there always love when creating a marriage, but it is worth noting that the intensity of passions also cannot guarantee a strong relationship and a successful union. So where to look for the golden half? How to become happy without love?

Yes, marriage without feelings is sad, but on the other hand, as the French novelist Beigbeder noted, love lasts for three years, and after that a trusting contact is established, a relationship that will keep the couple together or lead to separation.

Problems in the field of love can arise due to the fact that everyone interprets this feeling in their own way. In psychology, there is no one correct solution to how to define love; there are many varieties of it.

Perhaps today you will love your other half as a brother/sister, friend, and tomorrow that flaming feeling will come that will allow you to create a strong and happy family for many years. Love will be glorified as a divine feeling, a bright transformation of life, driving you crazy.

Love is joy, understanding each other without words, mutual satisfaction, in this case we can talk about strong further family ties, and the birth of children will become a magical unity of this marriage.

"Imaginary" love

If relationships between people arise against the background of internal emptiness, or the replacement of one partner by another, then they can be called dependent, and most often doomed to a sad existence.

This is a serious psychological problem, not everyone can bear such responsibility, in such relationships there is no free choice, most often such individuals remain lonely and unhappy for the rest of their lives.

Don't be afraid of the smart ones. When love comes, the brain turns off.
Elena Zhidkova

“Feelings are the element of actions that are not subject to anyone!”
In such a field, betrayal, mistrust, suffering, meanness and the destruction of such a wonderful feeling as love can arise.

You need to learn to love and be happy without any conditions, just as a mother loves a child; she plunges headlong into this state and does not set any selection criteria for herself.

If there is emptiness in your soul, then you first need to understand yourself why this happened, and not fill it with someone based on rash actions. Until a person loves himself and accepts himself with all his shortcomings and contradictions, it is unlikely that anyone will do this for him.

But there is still love!

This boundless and inspiring feeling helps to fight many difficulties, solve serious problems, create the comfort and coziness of a family nest, give birth to children, take care of others, and so on.

Love is not chosen, it comes once and for all! And not only psychologists think so. What do you think about such a feeling as love?

What is love?
Where is the answer to the question?
It's joy and pain
These are droplets of tears.

Waiting for steps
And the warmth of someone's hands.
Neither friends nor enemies,
Just a knock, a heartbeat.

Give without the rest
Everything you have.
And then just wait
Wait and believe, loving.

Never ask
Don't regret anything.
If necessary, forgive.
To die for him.

Or maybe live, just live
And suffer again and again.

Let's look at the rather simple question of what love is, about which so much has been said. Yes, of course, it is different for everyone, but the symptoms and mechanisms are the same for everyone. It is absolutely certain that love is sympathy and attraction, an unbearable desire to be with someone. It is clear that love obscures the eyes with a thick, thick pink veil when a person in love does not notice any shortcomings in his beloved at all. Love is a feeling that helps you survive any troubles. If your loved one supports you, then you can overcome any obstacles, nothing is impossible for you, you are not afraid of anything and are capable of anything.

There are people who can experience the feeling of love for a short time. But it only seems to them that they love, in fact it is just sympathy, passion, emotions. True love knocks you down like a good flu. A person in love loses control over his emotions and actions, because love burns with the brightest fire in him.

So, let's highlight the most important things:

Love is when you need to be together all the time, it’s difficult without each other, you are able to give your life for another without hesitation, you are ready for the craziest acts.

Love is something that cannot be understood with the head, but is felt only with the heart.

Love is a disease. When a person is in love, he actually becomes an idiot and blind.

What is love from the point of view of scientists?

What chemical processes occur in our body at different stages of love? That is, what is really happening while we are going crazy?

First phase

This is the very beginning of love, this is “falling in love.”
In general, the formula for falling in love is this. When you see a potential partner, you immediately recognize it by a fairly small combination of observable signs. If it also turns out that the partner himself is not against the connection, then the inextinguishable image of “I want a connection with him” lights up in my head. At night, this image provokes dreams, where everything that was not thought out during the day is played out “and if everything had gone like this...”. During the day, all thoughts are occupied with your object and everything is colored by it, joy, stress, forcing you to be the best you can be. The signs of the initial stage of love are the same for everyone:

The pupils are slightly dilated, the eyes shine, breathing mainly through the mouth and a little deeper than usual.
- The pulse is rapid, it is difficult to fall asleep in this state.
- Body temperature and blood pressure are also unstable.
- The secretion of skin secretions changes (becomes more active). And they have a special, not very distinguishable, but attractive smell.
- Appetite decreases. The reserves are used up very quickly - the fat layers decrease in size, the figure is “rapidly approaching the ideal.”
- There is a temporary improvement in health, immunity increases, chronic illnesses recede for a while, venous outflow may improve, so that there is enough strength for courtship and its successful completion and so that nothing distracts once again until the process is completed.
- There is a feeling of lightness in the body and special clarity and clarity of consciousness, but the ability to concentrate is practically zero.
- Periodically (several times a day) a feeling of causeless happiness emerges. However, there is a reason, and it is quite significant - a new portion of the hormone has entered the blood, which would not be happiness.

Additional adrenaline is released into the blood, which gives tirelessness and the ability to do the most extravagant acts, characteristic of all lovers.
If events develop unfavorably (the object of love has no interest), the chosen one may even become the subject of aggression (did not appreciate, did not understand).

Amphetamine production. At this stage, it is produced in huge quantities and keeps lovers in a state of euphoria. Moreover, the body quickly gets used to it and requires increasingly larger quantities. Euphoria and collapse of mood, a sea of ​​energy spent on quarrels and reconciliation. For lovers at this stage it is already necessary to “be together.” One session of sex makes you forget any previous quarrel.
Why is this necessary? In order to settle relationships, to figure out who is in charge of what, who is not satisfied with what, during this period everyone defends their interests. In short, two people meet and learn to live together.

Phase four

This is a critical period in the relationship. As a result of increased production of dopamine (the hormone of creativity and risk), the severity and criticality of experiences decreases - it helps not to be afraid of new things, to take risks. All this is necessary in order to agree to closeness with another person and to his presence in one’s own life, to the ability to make serious changes.
Based on the results of this phase, a person comes to a solution to two important questions:
— Is it possible to live together with this partner?
- Should I maintain the relationship?

Phase five

In the presence of a partner, the body produces endorphins, which provide feelings of peace, tenderness, and even and noticeable pleasure from the presence of another.
The beauty of endorphins is that the body does not get used to them, they are like sugar, when it is too sweet, it is no longer tasty, but that’s all. Therefore, they enter the blood smoothly. An important point: this phase is practically unlimited in time. Those who manage to stay in this phase are terribly lucky.

Final phase.

The final phase usually occurs after 18-30 months. Hormonal levels return to normal, people see each other as they are. A couple that has been created all this time, either already has enough in common to live together without this chemical support, or people understand that they can’t find anything interesting in each other.

That's it

This is the case from the point of view of chemistry, psychology and common sense. In short, we can say exactly what love is. This is a deep, selfless attachment to another person under the influence of various hormones.
Fortunately for us, all these complex processes happen unnoticed, and that’s the beauty of it. Enjoy love, fall in love, build relationships, meet, fight and make scenes. Just don't do anything super stupid. If it seems to you that your loved one is the only one in the world and you will not be happy with anyone else, remember - this is not true. Your chosen one or chosen one, people from among a huge multitude, there is someone better and worse than them, and with a thousand people you will be much happier. Don’t make it a tragedy if something doesn’t work out, it’s just hormones, in fact, there are many wonderful people around you with whom you will experience much stronger feelings. If love didn’t work out this time, it’s only because you’re already waiting to meet a more suitable person. And nature wants you and him to be together.

Makarov A.I., family psychologist

Hello, dear readers!

To the question “What is love: briefly and clearly?” Most people expect to hear that love is a disease, a poison, an inexplicable attachment that passes over time. But from the height of 29 years of love, I want to say that I categorically disagree with this.

True love is, first of all, selfless service to your loved one and daily care. True love does not pass away, but grows over time, like a snowball that two lovers roll in front of them through their lives.

Over time you begin to understand that you you love your loved one, not because he has blue eyes or because he drives a car cool, but because he tenderly takes care of you and your children. AND “tenderly cares” just sounds so cute, but in fact this is a lot of difficult work.

And this is not just my opinion, based on my experience. In ancient times, people had a different understanding of what love is. Namely: by love they understood selfless service, and not the romance of relationships. That's why they missed many stages of love characteristic of our egoistic society- stages of grinding in, quarrels, self-affirmation . They immediately moved from the romantic stage to the service stage, and then, to the stage of true love.

To make my point clearer, let's consider what What is love from the point of view of psychology in the modern world?. Let's consider 7 stages that every love goes through. Read this short article to the end and you will learn something new about love.

The 1st stage of love is falling in love.

Everyone knows the 1st stage for sure.- this is the so-called "candy-bouquet period." During this period, you do not notice any shortcomings in your lover. He seems perfect to you.

Stage 2 of love - addiction.

Some time passes and you are no longer so worried and do not admire your loved one so much. You begin to perceive it more adequately.

3rd stage of love - grinding in.

I will not be discovering America if I say that during the grinding process, most lovers begin their first quarrels. You yourself have probably gone through this stage. Here, I think, everything depends on the size of the ego of each of the lovers.

As you know, there are no people without shortcomings. It is at this stage that many begin to see only the shortcomings of their partner. There were shortcomings before, but simply at the stage of falling in love, thanks to the physiological and hormonal state, the lovers did not notice them.

It is at this stage that lovers most often break up. without ever knowing that the most interesting and most important stages of their love await them ahead. And a whole life ahead!

The 4th stage of love is the stage of patience.

Thanks to the patience stage (which can last several years for some), enduring to the end All inconveniences and even pain, lovers receive a reward - they move on to the next stage. The stage of service, when you understand that there is something more important than proving that you are right and defending your opinion.

The 5th stage of love is service.

At this stage, you get pleasure from selfless service, selfless care for your loved one. True love is not the desire to RECEIVE something from a partner, but the desire to serve each other.

The 6th stage of love is friendship.

The stage of service moves into the stage of friendship, when they have undergone all the adjustments, they feel good and comfortable together, they speak the same language, understand each other perfectly. You will be surprised to know what the next stage of friendship goes into.

Stage 7 - REAL love.

This is a real reward for those who have overcome all previous stages. You become one. It's as if you are connected by an invisible rubber band. Many studies show that people who have lived in love for many years even have synchronized heart rate, blood pressure, etc.

Such love is especially bright manifests itself in trouble when you are ready to give everything, even your life to save your loved one.

I assure you, this is not just my opinion based on my experience. Many famous philosophers and writers talk about this. Here are just a few quotes:

In ancient times, people did not spend so much time on the stage of quarrels, grinding, patience, because they understood love differently. Namely: as selflessness, as selfless service to each other, as friendship. This is true love. This is precisely what Cicero said above.

And if someone asks you what love is from a scientific point of view (philosophical) and what love is from a psychological point of view, you can safely answer that it is, first of all, tender friendship, the joy of daily service and caring for each other.

Write in the comments what do you think about these thoughts? Share your love story.

See you again on the blog pages. I wish you all love and joy!

Check out this awesome video. This simple secret needs to be passed on to children. Life is not like a journey, but like a dance! Fragment of a lecture by British philosopher Alan Watts “Why life is not like a journey”