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“Why does a man ignore the chance for? He himself told me that when he met me, he realized that he could be happy again. It seemed to me that our relationship should move to a new level. He hinted that we would go somewhere for the holidays together, but suddenly that was all. Maybe changed your mind? How to deal with relationships? — writes Svetlana.

“Help, how to understand the relationship? Sometime 20 years ago, I was going to marry a very good man. But we had a quarrel, and we parted on my initiative. Now we unexpectedly met (on a social network) and the romance started up again. Everything developed gradually, he lives in a neighboring city and was supposed to come to visit. But it suddenly stopped. I tell him that fate gave us a second chance, he agreed and disappeared. I can not understand why a man ignores the opportunity to start a relationship? I do not know what to do",- writes Irina.

The sudden cessation of a relationship, when a man suddenly disappears from your life, can unsettle even the most persistent. I know that in such situations, women begin to puzzle over what could have gone wrong and what “cockroaches in the head” a man had made him change his behavior.

Although what happened looks like a surprise, as a rule, the man had already thought about the situation in advance, and his behavior was the result of these reflections. Women often simply do not notice this, if only because they do not want to. There are several common reasons why men do not want to develop relationships further. They may not necessarily apply to your situation, but they will give you food for thought anyway.

Why men ignore the opportunity to develop relationships further

1. New twist

A man does not want to develop a relationship further when he feels that the next level of relationship is inevitable. This is one of the common reasons. A man may love you very much, but not be ready for the next step. He can see his future with you, but it is not necessary to be ready for this future to begin right now.

In this case, he would rather have more freedom than start a life together. Does this mean that he can then return to you again when he realizes that he is ready? Yes, it is highly likely that he will appear again, and practice confirms this.

2. Push-pull

The second common reason is when a woman is too dependent on a man and on relationships with him. This is your case if you are the type of woman who constantly needs support and approval, if you put pressure on a man, pushing him into a relationship, worry about the future, often ask questions about what will happen between you next, what are his feelings. The more you do all this, the sooner you will push him away from you.

Talking about relationships and obligations is a good thing. But if it is renewed every week, accompanied by numerous hints and pressure, then it will do more harm than good. A man wants to feel that the relationship decision is his idea, even if you let him down on it. In life, one can often notice an interesting paradox. A man meets or lives with a woman for more than one year, but does not want to take the relationship to the next level. The woman can not stand this, and they part. The man then meets another and quickly marries her. Often after women who tend to put pressure on men in making decisions, the next passion seems more suitable due to the lack of pressure.

3. Thinking of a bachelor

Your partner may love you, but not be sure that the idea of ​​being with only one woman is right for him right now. He may still be young or psychologically immature, and the mere thought that he should be with only one woman for the rest of his life can cause anxiety and anxiety. Then a woman often hears the words: "I'm busy," "I need freedom," "I'm not ready." The man wants to get rid of this anxiety and returns to the life of a bachelor so that he can feel free to choose any woman.

4. Mothers and sisters

A man may not want to continue the relationship if the woman reminds him of his mother or other members of his family that he does not like.

Do you often have disputes and conflicts? If you behave like his mother, sister or other relatives in any family conflicts, this can really annoy him a lot. He begins to feel that the relationship is getting strained and wants to leave. Usually, not everyone is able to speak directly about their experiences, and most often, if a relationship brings too much stress to a man, he just leaves.

5. "Butterflies in the stomach"

A man does not want to continue a relationship when he realizes that he is not interested in you enough. This is undoubtedly the most annoying reason. He may not feel the same as you, he may lack the spark, passion and "butterflies in the stomach", which, in his opinion, should be with strong feelings. To tell you this directly is to hurt your feelings. Many men would rather just hide than go to showdown. He may not tell you that he doesn't love you enough because he doesn't want to hurt you.

6. Goals and dreams

A man does not want to develop relations further if his chosen one does not support his dreams and aspirations, does not appreciate him enough. A man begins to feel that you are his only woman when you notice all the good that is in him and inspire him to achieve his goals in life. It is also very important that a woman does not try to change him and does not prevent him from moving towards his dream. It all seems obvious, but very often women try to re-educate their partner, to make him what they want.

7. There is someone else

Perhaps the man has someone else in mind who affects him so deeply that he brings confusion and doubts about you and your future together with him. It's also possible that he still hasn't forgotten his ex or doesn't see that you're better than her. A man does not want a serious relationship with a woman who is worse than his ex.

8. Other priorities

Maybe your counterpart has other priorities in life now. Perhaps some area of ​​\u200b\u200blife is more important for him at the moment and requires his full attention. He needs to complete his mission before he is ready to think about a serious relationship.

9. Influence of third parties

Another reason is the influence of friends or relatives. For example, it happens that a man does not want to be the first to settle down in a group of his bachelor friends, fearing to fall out of their society, because serious relationships and marriage take a lot of time and energy. Or a man simply depends on the opinion of one of his relatives and friends, and a negative review of his chosen one on their part may affect his desire to continue the relationship.

Hello! I am 26. My young man is also 26. He works, I'm finishing university. We are what is called two pair of boots, both infantile and live with our parents.
We've been dating for 3.5 years. This is his first serious relationship. I had a boyfriend before him, but in fact there was nothing serious either.
Our meetings with the young man were at first infrequent, we met mostly once a week, sometimes on weekdays. We were both students, hanging out with friends and enjoying student life! In fact, the relationship was more like friendship than love, we talked a lot, got to know each other, made love, but at the same time both had freedom of action and at that time I didn’t need anything more.
But the years went by and after two years of relationship, when he graduated from the university, I raised the topic of marriage for the first time, to which the young man, to my surprise, replied that he was already planning to propose to me. Then there was the summer, which he spent with relatives abroad, and in the fall he went to work and nothing in the relationship has changed, but it only got worse. He did not make any proposal to me and I did not raise this topic anymore. We began to see each other less and less, began to quarrel more often, and for the first time thoughts of parting sounded. Then I still tried to find out, but what about the offer, why doesn’t he make it to me? Then he told me that I need another person who can give me what I want, who can provide for me, but he can’t earn enough to support his family yet, and he doesn’t know when he can. Although I will not say that he earned little. All he could offer me was to continue all the same our relationship that they were before, if I still need it. He is a good person, besides, I know that he does not change me, that he strives in principle to earn money and is generally positive. Besides, I love him. And I decided that it was worth waiting for him, and I no longer wanted to leave my loved one.
But the desire to have a family became stronger and stronger, many girlfriends started families and had children. And I still continued my incomprehensible and even childish relationship. Until now, I do not know the guy's parents, we have never lived together.
And now, after three years of relationship, I realized that they stand still and do not develop. All my attempts to somehow correct the situation do not lead to positive results. The guy refused the offer to live together, because. does not want to live in a “civil marriage”. He also does not respond to my desire to meet his parents. All he offers me at the moment is to wait. Says it might follow. he will save up money and propose to me. Strictly speaking, it is not yet a fact that it will follow. year, and not in 3 or even 5 years. Since I noticed behind him that he talks a lot and does little.
Well, I behave just awful, I constantly terrorize him with the topic of marriage, one way or another, all my conversations and discussions come down to this favorite topic. How well married friends live, what a wonderful child a friend has, how much I want all this, etc. I just can’t stop talking about this topic, the boiling point has been reached and I’m only spoiling our relationship with my whining.
And my question is, how can I calm down and live in peace, while not talking about marriage with him at all and not killing him with this topic? And I would also like to know if my boyfriend powders my head, judging by his behavior, maybe you shouldn’t believe his words like that and talking about the proposal is just an attempt to keep me, but in fact he doesn’t need anything?

What's going on in his head? You probably won't know, but you can guess. Perhaps this man, in principle, is not interested in relationships. Or maybe he only sees you as a friend?

Another option: he is afraid of something. Let's say that now he is more concerned about his career, and girls occupy an honorable second line in his list of priorities. He is afraid that your romance will take too much time and effort from him. In addition, he is not yet ready to build a family.

Or maybe he already has someone? It is better not to guess about it, but to ask directly. If you are afraid to push him away with a “question on the forehead”, ask about plans for the near future. Your task is to find out if in this very future there is a place for you.

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Do you need it?

Let's say that you got the answer you were waiting for to all your questions. Yes, he is free, looking for his love and set up for a relationship. Why, then, does he do nothing to get closer to you? Perhaps he is just not sure that you are the one. He is pleased to communicate with you, but he does not see you as his girlfriend. It's insulting, but true.

It is important to understand that it is not at all about you - this is his choice. If you are not a schoolgirl and did not grow up in a monastery, there were also men in your life whom you refused.

But sometimes we like to think that this is just a prolonged flirting, and not an outright rejection of the relationship. In this case, you should ask yourself: do you need someone who is not interested in you? Will you be happy with a man who never made a choice in your favor?

While you are dreaming about him, dozens of handsome bachelors are walking around the streets, who are ready to show much more determination than your friend.

I decided everything myself

Think about it: maybe at some point you rejected him? For example, did you make it clear that in this case you are only interested in friendship? Men take everything literally, so your flirtatious “no” that really meant “yes” or “maybe” could be taken as a final non-negotiable refusal. If you showed with all your might that you were interested in him, showed activity and attention, there is only one conclusion: he is not the hero of your novel.

What to do?

Decide what you need. If you want to continue to communicate in the same spirit, then you do not need to do anything. Enjoy casual conversations and walks once every two weeks. But if you want a serious relationship, look around. Chat with other men, go to parties and dates - after all, you are a free girl and did not promise anything to anyone.

Our relationship is not developing. Why did the relationship stop developing? Relationships do not move forward, everything stands still.

Worried women and girls often write to the specialists of our Love-911 service. They cannot understand why the man with whom she began to meet and with whom, as it seemed to her, they have mutual feelings, does not take any steps to develop their relationship? The woman expects that he will want to meet more often, introduce him to friends and parents, but this does not happen, the relationship seems to be hanging, and it is not known what to expect next, whether he plans to break up, or whether this is a normal development of events.

And then the woman does not understand: why is this happening, because of what the relationship stopped developing, and what to do? Many make attempts to change the situation, someone begins to actively attack and put pressure on a partner, someone, on the contrary, tries to provoke and shows coldness towards him. In some cases, this helps, but in others they are futile and even worsen the situation.

Of course, if you are faced with the same problem, and your attempts to get close to a man and develop a relationship have not been successful, then it is difficult to say offhand why this happened. There can be many reasons for this, so it is better to contact the specialists of our Love-911 service directly, they will help you figure it out and give you the necessary recommendations.

However, based on experience, we can name some reasons why relationships do not develop and a man does not make attempts to get closer to you. This will help you sort out the problem and fix the relationship.

Why are relationships not developing?

1. You talk a lot and don't listen.

You probably understand that for the beginning of a relationship, the little things that make us either touched by a person, or, conversely, annoy, are very important.
Here one of such trifles for men often becomes excessive female talkativeness.
For women, this is in many ways a way to relieve tension: when they are nervous, they chat incessantly, but for men, this is a machine-gun shot that you can’t even turn off when you want.
You may think this is a frivolous reason to refuse relationships, but when dealing with men, this factor is far from last.

And all because:
Firstly When you talk a lot, a man experiences fear at the mere thought of building a relationship, because if you talk so much now, then the “brain removal” in marriage will be provided.
Secondly, men believe that a woman who talks a lot is inattentive to what worries him, to what he talks about and talks about.
For men, it is very important to be significant and this significance must be maintained in him already at the beginning of your communication with him.

Therefore, if you notice that you talk a lot, then try to listen carefully to your man and show interest in what he says. If you are really not interested in what he says, then maybe you should not communicate?

2. A man does not trust you.

It is important that a man can trust you, only then he will consider the possibility of developing a relationship with you. If a man does not trust you, then he can only perceive you as a partner for sex.
The trust factor, of course, depends on your behavior and how you present yourself.
It is important here: how and where did you meet, how did you look, what were you wearing, how do you communicate with men, do you have many male friends, are you honest with your man?
If you have many such friends, then the man will not trust you, since the men themselves consider all such friends as potential lovers. It is only from the position of a woman that a man can be a friend, from the position of a man, friendship is good, but friendly sex is better.
Also, do not forget about social networks: what kind of friends do you have there, what photos do you post there, what is written in the questionnaire, are there any factors compromising you?
If you want a man to want to develop a relationship with you, then gain his trust.
But here you need to find a middle ground: you can’t just stop talking to everyone, remove all photos from the Internet and generally forget about acquaintances of the opposite sex. It is necessary to behave correctly if you want the relationship to not stop again at some point, reaching, for example, civil marriage. To do this, it is necessary that a man trust you, but at the same time understand that you can be taken away from him, then the man will not only want the development of relations, he will not delay with a marriage proposal.

3. You criticize a man and question his words.

It is important for a man to be accepted for who he is. Women, on the other hand, often constantly criticize their men: “You don’t give flowers, you don’t drive to restaurants, you don’t dress properly, you don’t talk like that.” You can continue indefinitely. Who among us is without flaws?
Remember that a man will run headlong from a woman who criticizes him and expresses her displeasure.
This does not mean at all that you have to babysit the men and endure everything that does not suit you, but it is one thing to say what you want to get, and quite another to say that they do not give you something.
So, for example, instead of saying: “You don’t give me flowers,” you can say: “I really want you to give me flowers.”

Instead of: "You don't take me to restaurants" - "Invite me to a restaurant."
Thus, you do not make claims, do not criticize the man, but simply say what you want. And a man who has feelings for you will gladly give you flowers and invite you to a restaurant, and also say thanks that you told him what you want from him.
Yes, of course, I want sensitivity and greater understanding on the part of men, but this is not their forte. Sensitivity is in the female part, so be indulgent and accept men for who they are.

4. A man has a different goal.

We must also say that, perhaps, your relationship is not developing because the man met you not in order to develop a relationship, but simply for the sake of regular sex.
It is clear that for every man in dealing with a woman at the initial stage, it is sex that is important and interesting. However, for a full-fledged man, sex is not the only reason for communication. A normal guy, and especially a man, will pursue the goal of developing.
Another thing is that a man, meeting a woman, began to lose interest in her, then you need to figure it out: what exactly was interesting to him in her, and what specifically attracted him?

Thus, we have listed the most common reasons why relationships do not develop. And, if you, after analyzing, saw that one of them concerns you, then try to change the situation and, perhaps, then your relationship will begin to develop.