In the third year of life, children usually experience a crisis, which is expressed in stubbornness, “scandalous” behavior and a negative attitude towards adults. The most popular phrase at this age is “I myself!”

Let's try to figure out what the essence of this crisis is, how it manifests itself and how we can help the child.

First of all, I would like to note that this is a crisis necessary for development. One way or another, all children go through it. Crises help us move to a new stage of development. The 3-year-old crisis is an important stage in the development of a child’s mental development. This is a crisis in the child’s social relations.

The crisis can be either pronounced or weak, but it must come. When it comes, rejoice - your child is developing normally.

The first signs of a crisis can often be noticed as early as 1.5 years, and its peak occurs at the age of about three years (2.5-3.5 years).

The main symptoms of the 3-year crisis

An example of disobedience: a child is playing in the yard. He is called home for dinner, but he wants to take another walk, so he refuses (note that the child refused precisely because he wants to take another walk).

An example of negativism: a child is playing in the yard. He is called home for dinner, but he refuses (although he has already worked up a long time ago and is hungry). Those. he refused what he really wanted, but he refused only because an adult asked for it.

Another example of negativism: an adult approaches a girl and says that she has a nice black dress. To which the girl objects: “No, it’s not black, but white.” The adult says: “Well, okay, you have a white dress.” The girl answers: “My dress is black!” Please note that the girl perfectly knows how to distinguish between black and white, she wants to say in defiance of an adult.

With negativism, the social attitude, the attitude towards another person, comes to the fore. Those. negativism is addressed to the person, and not to the content of what the child is asked for.

Also here a new attitude of the child to his own affect is manifested. If earlier it could be said that affect and activity in a child are one and the same, now we see that the child may not act directly under the influence of affect.

Thus, negativism is a behavior in which the motive is outside the given situation.

So, the essence of negativism is refusing to fulfill your request only because of the desire to do contrary to an adult.

2 Stubbornness.Stubbornness is a reaction of a child when he insists on something not because he really wants it, but because he demanded it. You need to be able to distinguish stubbornness from persistence, when a child wants something and persistently achieves it.

An example of persistence: a child likes sledding, and therefore he refuses his mother’s offer to go home.

An example of stubbornness: a mother calls a child walking in the yard home. The child refuses. Mom gives him reasonable arguments (he agrees with them). But the child still refuses to go (due to the fact that he has already refused).

3 Protest.The child rebels against the norms of upbringing established for the child. Protest against the current way of life. Those. the child rebels against what he had to deal with before.

4 Willfulness, desire for independence.

5 Depreciation.The child ceases to value what he valued before. This includes people, things, and even one’s own experiences. Words appear in the child’s vocabulary that denote everything bad and negative. The child uses these words in relation to things that in themselves do not cause hostility. During this period, children may begin to be rude to adults whom they previously respected very much. For example, a child may tell his grandfather that he is going to beat him or “turn him into meat.” The child can tell the mother that she is a fool. Regarding a toy that I recently admired, one may say that it is ugly and uninteresting.

6 Despotism (in families with one child.)The child develops a desire to exercise power over others. For example, a child may demand that his mother not go outside, but stay at home, as he said.

7 Jealousy (in families with several children).Manifests itself in relation to brothers and sisters. The basis of this jealousy is the same desire for domination and despotism as in the previous paragraph.

The essence of the crisis of 3 years

• The child rebels against the norms of upbringing that have developed, believing that he “grew out of them.”
• The desire for independence
• Changes in the child's social relationships with other people
• Changes occur in the affective-volitional sphere
• The child’s attitude towards himself and people changes
• The child begins to motivate his actions not by the content of the situation itself, but by relationships with other people
• The child’s social position is restructured towards the authority of the mother and father.
• The child wants to show his personality. Many actions are not motivated by an immediate desire, but are associated with the manifestation of the child’s personality.
• On the one hand, the child wants recognition of his independence and independence, but on the other hand, he is not yet ready for this form of behavior.

• Insist on your own, you’re right!
• Break the child's stubbornness (then the child will either have low self-esteem, or he will stop hearing your comments)
• Don't let him do anything on his own (he's still small and stupid)!
• Show your child that no one takes his opinion into account.
• Constantly scold

What to do during a 3-year crisis

Let's look at two situations:

1 You need to get dressed and go outside to the clinic. While getting dressed, the child says “I do it myself!” and begins to try to dress himself. Mom answers irritably: “No! Now you start fussing around and we'll be late. I’ll dress you myself.”

2 You need to get dressed and go outside to the clinic. The prudent mother began this process 10 minutes ahead of schedule. While getting dressed, the child says “I do it myself!” and begins to try to dress himself. Mom replies: “Okay, get dressed.” Further, the mother does not prevent the child from dressing himself. She will help him in the end.

In the first case, both mother and child become irritated. In addition, by limiting the child’s activity and independence, the mother aggravates the three-year-old crisis. In the second case, both mother and child remain in a good mood. Keep in mind that a child needs more time to complete all tasks than an adult.

Parents should learn to switch the child’s attention. If you are planning to go to visit your grandmother and expect that the child will react negatively to this proposal, then invite the child to choose the outfit in which he will go. As a result, the child’s attention will be focused not on deciding whether to go to grandma or not, but on choosing the outfit in which he will go. Or instead of telling the child: “Now we’ll go for a walk,” you can ask: “Shall we go for a walk to the playground or to the park?”

A child’s negativity can be used for one’s own purposes. For example, if you want to go for a walk with your child, you can invite him to stay at home. The child will naturally object to you and say: “No! Let's go for a walk!".

If your child starts to act up, distract him.

Encourage your child's initiative and independence. If a child tries to start doing something that he cannot yet do, help him. Having learned to do something in collaboration with an adult, the child will soon be able to do it independently.

Review your requirements for your child more often. Perhaps some are no longer relevant.

Don't focus on your child's whims and tantrums. During a hysteria, you should not satisfy the child’s demand (otherwise the child will demonstrate this behavior more and more often and for fewer reasons). If you start scolding a child during such a hysteria, this will only worsen the crisis. Therefore, at such moments, try to switch the child’s attention to something else and do not notice his hysterics. Just keep doing your thing. Without seeing your response, the child will quickly calm down.

Periodically ask your child to help you with something. This will help him become more independent and responsible. Plus, it will be a good example of social interaction between people.

Don’t forget about creativity - draw more with your child, sculpt from plasticine, do crafts together, play in the sand. Creativity is a very good way to cope with emotions.

A daily routine is useful for structuring a child's life. It helps to form the will that is so necessary to master one’s behavior. The daily routine can be clearly reflected on the poster in the form of pictograms. Sometimes parents do this: they roll a piece of whatman paper into a tube. A sequence of actions is drawn on this tube in the form of pictograms. A ring of larger diameter is made from another sheet of paper. It is used to reflect the current position.

Treat your child as an equal person. Thank him for his help. Ask permission when you want to take his toy. Treat your child not as a boss-subordinate, but as an equal partner. Respect the child's personality. A child at this age wants his parents to know that next to them is not a child, but an adult.

Recognize your child's right to make mistakes. If you see that a child is doing something incorrectly, there is no need to immediately intervene and show him how to do it correctly. They learn from mistakes.

Ingoda parents still need to say a sharp “no”. This must be done when the child’s actions violate safety precautions, for example, if the child puts scissors into a socket or turns the handles of a gas stove.

Don’t expect your child to understand your rational explanations of various prohibitions the first time.

Be patient.

A child's desire to be an adult can be used for one's own purposes. For example, if you need to cross the road, you can ask your child to translate you. This is much better than the standard: “Okay, give me your hand here, now we’ll cross the road.” In the first case, everyone will be happy, but in the second case, you will spoil the child’s mood (and he will soon spoil yours).

If a child starts hysterical in a crowded place (and children love to work in public), then it is best to move him to another, less crowded place. For example, if a child on the playground lies on the ground and bangs his fists (in hysterics), then it is better to pick him up and move him to the side. There he should be put in the same position and wait until the hysteria ends (if you do not react to the hysteria, it will end quickly). During such hysterics, it is useless to explain anything to the child. Wait for it to finish.

Look after yourself. The child copies many words and actions from his parents.
Take advantage of the game moment. For example, if a child does not want to eat, take a doll. Feed them one at a time. Or let the doll ask the child to check if the soup is hot. By the way, at about 3 years old, role-playing games become dominant among children. This means that a child can take on different roles within the game. For parents, playing can be a good way to get their child interested in doing something. For example, a child may not want to go for a walk. But he would gladly agree to go for a walk with his favorite bear.

Voice his experiences and feelings for the child. This will allow him to better understand his feelings and see that you understand his condition. If you see that a child has fallen and is crying, tell him that he fell, hit himself, is in pain, and that is why he is crying. If your child was playing and broke a favorite toy, say: “You were upset because you broke the toy. You feel sorry for her. That's why you cried." If the child is happy that he was able to do something, just say: “You drew a good drawing and you’re very happy. You are pleased that you were able to draw such a drawing. You're proud." And so on. Voicing emotions and feelings will help your child understand them and better understand himself.

Love your child not for something, but just because. Love him in every way: happy and tearful, during hysterics and during achievements, persistent and stubborn. Love him always. Let him know and see this.

Your baby began to make trouble, become stubborn and repeat, as if wound up, the same phrase “I myself.” At the same time, he perceives every word you say with hostility, with some negativity. He is about 3 years old. Is this all your situation? Congratulations! Your child is experiencing a crisis, so-called crisis of three years.

Of course, it can come either a little earlier or a little later. In one child it will manifest itself very violently, while in another it will be barely noticeable. But every child must go through this stage of development. Pass in order to move to a new stage of psychological development. And that's okay. Right. This is how nature intended.

It’s hard when your usual way of life is suddenly turned upside down. You don’t understand what’s happening to your beloved and obedient baby. But what’s worse is that the child himself does not understand what is happening inside him. And you must help him get through this stage of his life with the least loss, with greater benefit and the joy of growing up.

• Negativism

Negativism does not equal disobedience. When a child doesn't listen to you, he doesn't do something he doesn't want to do. And with negativism, he will not do what he wants to do only for the reason that it was suggested by an adult.

For example, disobedience: a child draws, he is called for dinner. The child refuses because he still wants to draw.

Negativism: the child draws, he is called to eat. The child refuses, although it is clear that he is hungry. But he refused because an adult offered him food. In this case, the child will always do things contrary to the adult.

• Stubbornness

Stubbornness does not equal persistence. A persistent child wants something specific and purposefully achieves it. A stubborn child demands something not because he needs it, but because he has already demanded it.

For example, a child rides a bicycle and he really likes it, so he doesn’t want to go home. This is persistence.

If in this situation the mother reasonably argued her offer to go home (suggested a replacement) and the child agrees with the mother’s arguments, but still refuses and only because he has already refused (because it was the mother who suggested the replacement, and not he himself) I decided so) - this is stubbornness.

• Protest

The child rebels against his entire previous way of life, against the norms and rules of upbringing.

• Willfulness, desire for independence

The child wants to do everything himself, regardless of whether he knows how to do it or not.

• Depreciation

Everything that the child previously valued no longer has any value. This is the research stage. It is interesting for a child to observe the reaction to “what will happen if...”. In the future, he will understand that he can offend an adult with his behavior.

• Despotism and jealousy

Despotism manifests itself in families with one child in the child’s desire to rule over the adults around him. Jealousy manifests itself in families with several children in relation to brothers and sisters in the child’s desire to rule over adults and not share this power with others. How to teach a child to share.

The essence of the crisis of 3 years

To understand the essence of the 3-year crisis, let's close our eyes for a minute and remember the time when we received our driver's license.

I studied and trained for some time. Next came the exams. That's all. Rights in your pocket. I am a driver! At first I drive very carefully, slowly, calmly. I check to see if I forgot to turn on the low beam or turn signal. I'm afraid of running over a curb or not seeing a road sign. I can't feel the car yet. But little by little I'm learning. And I understand, this is it. The car listens to me. I'm in control. I like it! I start to rush around. Until there was an accident. Another unpleasant situation on the road. And one more thing... And only now do I notice the perplexed glances of other drivers and their silent exclamations. I look at myself from the outside. And I become a careful driver with experience. My driving style is changing.

So is the child. During the first three years of life, a child explores the world and learns a large amount of information. Physically and psychologically, he depends on his mother. After some time, the baby understands that he can not only look, but also roll over, sit, and walk. He explores this world, he gets great pleasure from it.

"Hooray! I can do it myself! I can do it! I'm like mom and dad! I'm an adult! Your child has become so confident that he has begun to realize that he is his own person. And he begins to “rush along the roads”, and at such speed... And he does not understand your “looks and exclamations”.

A crisis is an internal contradiction between “I want and I can.” The internal conflict lies in the discrepancy between the child’s real capabilities and his desires. External conflict - adult guardianship. The child resists. He wants to make decisions himself! But decisions are not only about what to do, but also about whether to do anything at all.

During this crisis, the child’s attitude towards himself and the people around him changes. The view of parental authority is changing. The child strives for independence, he wants his independence to be recognized, but at the same time, he is not yet ready for this. There is a rebellion against all the norms and rules that were previously adopted. The child learns the difference between such concepts as “should” and “want”.

What do it is forbidden!

• You CANNOT insist on your own
• You CANNOT order
• It is IMPOSSIBLE to break stubbornness
• Don't let anyone show independence
• It is IMPOSSIBLE to ignore his opinion
• You CANNOT scold
• It is IMPOSSIBLE to comply with a child’s demands during a tantrum.

Read more about children's tantrums, their causes and methods of calming.

• Let your child be independent.

What a child can do on his own, let him do it himself. Let him try. Yes, now you will need to spend more time getting dressed, undressed, washed, etc. Plan this time in advance so you don’t get nervous and swear later. Don't forget to encourage his independence. If a child does not succeed in something completely, help him. And very soon he will learn to do it himself.

• Always offer choice.

This way you will keep your child busy with what to choose from what you offer instead of listening to his reluctance to do something. For example, “We will go to the forest or to the park.” In this case, the child is busy choosing a place to walk, and not deciding not to go anywhere at all. Never order, always ask to do something.

• Only after the child has calmed down return to your conversation.

The child must understand that he will not achieve anything by screaming, hysterics and whims. Don’t break down, don’t scold, behave calmly, don’t notice the hysterics, mind your own business. Of course, some kids need to be distracted, cuddled, or pitied. But do not comply with the request of a child in such a state.

• Ask your child for help.

Clean up, water the flower, roll out the dough. This is how he learns independence and responsibility. Always thank for your help.

• Role-playing is an important part of a child's growing up.

Use this fact to get out of conflict situations. If the child refuses to eat. Place a bear at the table, treat it to soup and, on behalf of the bear, ask the child to feed it. Thus, in the game, the child eats unnoticed for himself.

• If a child becomes hysterical in a crowded place, simply remove the child from spectators.

You can move him to a less crowded place; it is useless to explain anything at this time. You need to wait for the end of the hysteria without reacting to it. And only then explain how to behave and why.

• Always watch your words and actions.

The child copies them. Also make it a rule to verbalize the child’s feelings, experiences and emotions. So he will notice that you understand him, and he will learn to distinguish between his feelings. For example, if a child hits himself and starts crying, say: “You hit the table, it hurts, that’s why you started crying.”

• There is one “no” that is not discussed.

And it is connected with the safety and health of your child. Of course, it is necessary to explain why it is “impossible”. Sometimes even ten times. But this ban is inviolable. Give in on the “little things.” Let's make mistakes. Let your child have his own experience under your supervision.

• Create. Draw, sculpt, paint. This makes it easier to cope with emotions.
• If your child doesn’t want to do something, try using the phrase “let’s do it together.”
• Direct your child's energy in a peaceful direction. If he wants to tear a book, suggest tearing up an old magazine.

If you “go to extremes” - allowing the child everything or prohibiting everything - the crisis can drag on for a long time.

The way you interact with your child determines what he will become in the future. Will he persistently achieve his goals, strive for independence and responsibility, or will he be a dependent, obedient and weak-willed person?

The child is brought up by your example, and not by your comments. Behave with him the way you would like him to behave with you and with the world around you.

You were so happy that the baby no longer cries at night, has mastered the potty and is chatting with all his might. I thought the hardest part was over, now I could enjoy motherhood. But the calm turned out to be a break. Suddenly the child was replaced. Unreasonable hysterics - this is the atmosphere in the house. The little one doesn't listen, fights, calls him names. How did a beloved child turn into a harmful little devil? Where to run - to the doctors or to the “grandmothers”?.. If you are in the know, then you are probably going through a new stage in your baby’s growing up. And this is not a pathology, but the norm. How to “treat” a child’s 3-year-old crisis and not go crazy - in our material.

Changes in the child’s behavior at first only alarm parents. Closer to the age of three, children are usually sent to kindergarten, so the child’s mood swings are attributed to getting used to a new daily routine and group. Like, it adapts...

Diagnosis: “adulting crisis”

But hysterics do not go away in a day or a week. Then moms and dads get angry and look for reasons for disobedience in the little one’s bad character, and conduct an audit of upbringing methods.

Real panic begins when neither the stick nor the carrot method works with the child. By this point, parents are mentally at their limit. They are torn by mixed feelings when anger, tears and irritation border on growing anxiety for the health and future of the baby.

Here, many adults turn to pediatric neurologists for help. And this is correct, since behavioral deviations can be a sign of diseases of the nervous system and more. But it is more likely that the doctor will examine the child and reassure the parents by making a “crisis diagnosis.”

Doctors say that a child’s three-year crisis is a stage of growing up necessary for his full development. And you need to worry more quickly when a baby at this age is phlegmatic, submissive and lacking initiative.

The child is looking for himself

Psychology calls special stages of personality development an age crisis. These periods are characterized by sharp mental changes. Many experts agree that without such changes it is impossible to form character, one’s “I”.

Throughout life, a person goes through a number of such moments. One of the most famous is the pubertal or so-called “teenage” period associated with puberty. There is a crisis of newborns, thirty-year-olds and even retirement.

But it is the crisis of three years that is considered one of the most difficult. This is a kind of equator between early childhood and preschool age. During this period, the baby gets to know his “I” and learns to manage it. He separates from his parents and builds new relationships with them. This stage is also conventionally called “I am myself” or the stage of obstinacy.

Some experts compare the behavior of a child during a three-year crisis with the behavior of a novice driver. The first time after receiving a driving license, a newly minted driver is careful, follows the rules, and listens to the experience of experienced drivers. But very soon he gets used to it, and the feeling of fear dulls: the driver begins to drive recklessly, trying to try all the capabilities of his car and prove himself behind the wheel.

When will the crisis begin and how long will it last? 3 years

The three-year crisis does not necessarily manifest itself clearly at three years. Much depends on the individual characteristics and potential of the child. Some mothers noticed crisis conditions as early as two years old. This happens so early if the child quickly begins to speak. But more often the crisis occurs between the ages of two and a half and three and a half years.

The exact dates of the beginning and end of the crisis cannot be fixed, since the situation is developing progressively. And only in the middle of the journey does a sharp exacerbation of crisis symptoms occur.

How long does the three-year crisis last? And there will be no specific answer here. Observations show that a capricious person can improve in just five to six weeks, or he can “play” on his nerves for a whole year.

The problem is so urgent that in preschool educational institutions, psychologists and educators even conduct thematic consultations for parents. There are also special sites for psychological help, where you can consult with specialists about your child’s behavior via virtual communication.

7 Behavioral Symptoms of Childhood Crisis

How to recognize the symptoms of a 3-year-old crisis in a child? Soviet psychologist Lev Vygotsky, who studied the development of children's thought processes, identified seven main features of this period. According to Vygotsky, modern psychology also considers this issue.

1. Negativism: “I do the opposite”

What it is . A negative reaction towards another person.

How it manifests itself. The kid deliberately does everything differently from what a particular person asks him to do, contrary to obvious things. This attitude is selective: the child obeys dad, but ignores mom, or vice versa. And often the child acts contrary to his true desires, just to say: “No!” For these reasons, the child refuses the offered sweets and the invitation to the playground.

Example. Mom says the dress is black. The daughter answers: “No, the dress is white.” Mom agrees with the white color, and the baby immediately contradicts: “No, the dress is black!”

What to do . Use the affirmative form in your speech less often, replacing it with an interrogative one. “Sit down to dinner!” - an erroneous phrase. It’s better to say this: “Son, are we going to have lunch now?” If you need a guaranteed positive answer, then contact your child like this: “Son, what will we have for lunch - soup or casserole?” In critical situations, you can deliberately provoke a negative response: “We won’t have lunch today!”

2. Stubbornness: “That’s what I decided”

What it is . Behavior when the child, under no circumstances or arguments, deviates from his original decision, even if it is no longer beneficial or harms him.

How it manifests itself. Stubbornness is different from persistence. It’s one thing when a child really wants sweets and tries in every possible way to get permission from their parents for an additional portion of dessert. It’s another matter when the child no longer feels well from the amount of candy he has eaten and he literally gags, but crams the hard-earned supplement into himself. Why? Because he made a decision, and to retreat would mean admitting defeat. This is how the child learns not to give up when achieving a goal.

Example. Mom invites her daughter to play on the playground. The baby refuses and remains on the bench near the house. At some point, other children appear on the playground with new toys. Mom notices her daughter’s interest and again offers to go to the play area. But the girl refuses again, although her mood is clearly spoiled.

What to do . If a child has made a decision that is absurd from your point of view, accept it, do not focus on the absurdity of the situation. Let your daughter go for a walk in sneakers worn under a fluffy dress. Seeing other children, the baby herself will perhaps understand that the choice of outfit was unsuccessful. And if not, then give her a little time, and then gently suggest that she put on shorts and a T-shirt: “Maybe this will make it more comfortable for you to ride downhill and on a bike?” Never emphasize: “It would have been like that before!” I immediately said that you need to dress in comfortable things!”

3. Obstinacy: “Everything is bad, everything is wrong”

What it is . The reaction of denial of general rules in the family, daily routine, conditions of upbringing. It concerns not a specific person, but the entire system of relationships.

How it manifests itself. The kid demonstrates his dissatisfaction with everything that he used to do with pleasure. Favorite games are not fun, swimming is annoying, family evenings are not fun. The child actually opposes himself to his close environment.

Example. Dad habitually calls his son into the garage to park the car together for the night. Previously, the child himself literally pulled his father into the treasured box for the car, and was capricious, not wanting to leave. But now the baby even gets into the car with hysterics, and completely avoids the road to the garage.

What to do . Where possible, give in to your child’s moods. Doesn't want to sit down at the table with other family members? Don't force or focus on this. Let him be alone if he is so inclined. But most likely, hearing lively and positive communication in the kitchen, very soon he will decide to join you.

4. Willfulness: “I can do it myself”

What it is . Behavior in which the child strives to do everything independently. Moreover, often this initiative to act does not correspond to the real capabilities of the baby, which becomes the cause of quarrels.

How it manifests itself. The baby wants to “touch” the world, how and what works. He doesn't need frameworks or help. He must understand everything himself, although he imitates the actions of adults. Including testing your own strength and body functionality. This is the stage of self-affirmation and the emergence of pride.

Example. The daughter snatches the basin with the washed laundry from her mother’s hands in order to hang it up to dry. It’s hard for the baby to lift heavy wet things; she can’t even really reach the dryer. But she is literally consumed by the desire to do this “adult” work.

What to do . Where situations do not pose a threat to the life and health of the baby, give freedom. Allowing you to drive a car like your dad is definitely and categorically impossible. But you can be allowed to hang out the laundry. Let the child fail at this action or it will turn out clumsy. Help, but unobtrusively. This will be an experience, interesting and personal. Well, stop doing the work that the baby can actually do on his own - let him be busy.

5. Protest-revolt: “Accept me as an equal”

What it is . Behavior in which a child deliberately provokes conflicts with adults in response to prohibitions and restrictions.

How it manifests itself. The child wants to be on equal terms with adults, therefore, feeling infringed, he begins an emotional war. By deliberately heating up passions, he shows his own importance and maturity. The kid demands appropriate respect, recognition of his Self: “Why is daddy allowed to do everything, but not to me?”

Example. During the day the girl did something wrong. Mom punished her daughter by depriving her of sweets and a bedtime story. The news of the punishment caused a real protest: the little girl interfered with the adults’ dinner, screamed and even pushed her mother.

What to do . Do not allow fists and swearing in response - you are no longer three years old. But you need to explain to the child that his behavior offends mom and dad. Emphasize that the baby is a full-fledged member of the family. But, of course, within reason. There is no need to give him the right to manage the budget. But it’s worth asking permission when you take his things. Thank the child. Ask for opinions and take into account the child’s preferences. Prohibitions, which cannot be avoided in education, put pressure on the child. And he needs to “drain” his growing anger. Aggression goes away during physical contact: fight “not for real,” have a pillow duel and let the child “defeat” you.

6. Devaluation: “I don’t love you”

What it is . Behavior in which a child turns away from previously loved and dear activities, objects, and people.

How it manifests itself. The child understands how much unknown there is around. He wants to know everything at once, but it doesn’t work out. Such dissonance causes aggression towards accessible things and people who are constantly nearby. The baby shows in every possible way that the previous experience is not interesting to him and requires new emotions. A child can break favorite toys, change food preferences, and offend adults. There are even curse words in his speech.

Example. The mother asked her son to sit away from the TV because “his eyes would hurt.” The request was ignored, and the mother had to insist on her own in a more authoritarian manner. In response, the child ran out of the room with the words: “You are a fool”...

What to do . Introduce your child to new places, situations and people, offer to choose a toy or costume in the store. Create an atmosphere in which it will be easier for your baby to “get comfortable” with his personal precious things and moments. You can also try to stop chaos, but not with punishment. If a child has cut up a cardboard puzzle, you will be surprised how cleverly he has updated the old toy: he has created more pieces that can now be put together. Is the doll's arm torn off or is her dress painted on? Isn’t this a reason to play “hospital” or organize a “fashion studio?”

If you hear unflattering words addressed to you, invite your child to a “family meeting” and tell them how painful it was for you. You can come up with a new house rule together: “Say nice words to each other three times every day.” Or give your child the right to choose a “code” word that he will use when he is unhappy or angry. For example, "crocodile".

7. Despotism: “I am the boss of the house”

What it is . Imperious behavior when a child tries to subjugate those around him.

How it manifests itself. The child seeks satisfaction of his whims from household members. If you asked for a cartoon instead of the required sleep, it means that at night the family will listen to the “concert” until the baby gets his way. He sincerely rejoices when he manages to subjugate adults.

Example. The mother is going to work, and the grandmother must look after her son. But the child wants his mother to stay with him to play. Realizing that the mother intends to leave the house, the child locks her in the bathroom, seizing an opportune moment.

What to do . In small things - give in. This will allow the child to experience the taste of leadership. But at the same time, give your child the right to manage his free time. And explain that adults have the same right: you are now equal. And if a child intentionally and without objective reasons encroaches on the parent’s “territory,” you need to say a firm “No.” For example, when the baby is sick and wants his mother to be nearby, then, of course, everything should be put aside. And if the “little terrorist” just got bored, then feel free to go for a manicure.

The listed symptoms do not appear all at once. It happens that they replace each other. And sometimes it comes to nothing, and the child demonstrates only some of the possible crisis behavior patterns. How acute the situation will be in a particular case largely depends on the parents. Usually, families where the child is kept under tight control or, conversely, where the child is under overprotection, cope with the crisis more difficult than others.

3 rules from Dr. Komarovsky

The crisis of a baby is difficult for all family members to bear. And if you do not reconsider your relationship with your child, the tantrums will drag on for many months. What should parents do?

The famous pediatrician Evgeny Komarovsky says that the root of a child’s problematic behavior lies in his desire for independence. And he advises to adhere to three pedagogical rules that allow you to cope with the child’s disobedience in general and mitigate the manifestations of the crisis in particular.

1. “You can’t” should not be enough. In the vocabulary of parents, the word “No” should be heard extremely rarely, but the child must be required to comply with it unquestioningly. Then this will be a safe word and a signal of danger. In this case, “You can’t touch the stove,” “You can’t run out onto the road,” “You can’t walk without a hat in winter” will not get lost among the endless number of other unimportant prohibitions. The child will understand the importance of following the “Don’ts.”
2. Unified position of education. Mom said: “No!” This means that dad should support her and also say: “No!” Disagreements in the principles of education neutralize parental authority in the eyes of the child.
3. No means NO. The word “No” should also not be used often. But if you said it, it means that tomorrow it should not transform into “Yes.” It is wrong today to forbid a child to touch his father’s computer, and tomorrow to allow him “as long as he doesn’t whine.”

Dr. Komarovsky highlights children's hysterics as a separate topic. This is a way to manipulate parents. At such moments, the doctor recommends that adults demonstrate indifference: smile, leave the room or continue with your business.

Do not succumb to provocations, no matter how strong and heartbreaking the child’s cries may be. Give up, and the child will constantly practice tantrums as a way to control you. Even if your child is giving a “concert” in crowded places and passers-by have already judged you three times, remain calm, demonstrate indifference, and then pretend that nothing happened. “The flock does not follow the chick,” says Evgeny Komarovsky.

Of course, it is not easy to be good parents and properly support a child during a crisis. Yes, you will have to stock up on soothing teas, patience and... be cunning! Here are ten tips that will tell you how to negotiate with your child.

1. Play with words. When your child doesn't want to put on pants, ask, “Would you like to wear blue or black?” Refusing to bathe? Then ask: “Shall we not swim with the duckling or shall we not take the dolphin with us?”
2. Get creative. In a situation where the child strives to do something that is beyond his strength, invent something. Does your daughter “help” wash the dishes? Set an alarm clock: what can be washed before the signal is hers, and then yours.
3. Don't force - offer and ask. For example, do not force your child off the playground, but ask him to “take mom, who is so tired, home.”
4. Allow me to be wrong. Do not interfere in your baby's personal affairs until he calls you. Let him hit a couple of bumps - these are HIS mistakes! But it is important: all freedom must end where there is a threat to life or health.
5. Don't "love" or suppress. Do not demand unquestioning obedience from your child - such authoritarianism suppresses will, self-esteem, and inhibits development. But don’t make a “king-father” out of your child, fulfilling any desires. Excessive care and guardianship is also harmful: the baby simply will not know how to cope without outside help.
6. Give reasonable freedom and encourage. Let your child act. Where possible, give him freedom and share with him the joy of learning new things. When prohibitions and punishments are inevitable, do not focus your attention on it. But emphasize any successes, and vividly discuss your impressions of “free” actions.
7. Don't compare with others. Other children should not serve as an example for your baby. Comparing him with his peers damages his self-esteem. It is better to base the comparison on the child’s own previous successes.
8. Be wiser. Don’t get upset by a scandal or a “belt.” Calmness and patience are your trump cards. The baby now seems to be testing your strength. The lack of a strong reaction will dull his interest in such experiments.
9. Love. Even when the child is wrong, maintain a kind attitude. Simply just stay nearby: “And in difficult moments, I love you too.”
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You live with a tyrant. He demands immediate fulfillment of his desires. He rejects everything you offer. It is absolutely impossible to come to an agreement with him.

Who is he? Is it really your cute three year old baby?

Everything is upside down

Karina is 24 years old, and her daughter Polina is 3 years 2 months old. Previously, she was the “ideal girl”, helping her mother collect toys before bed, happily eating almost everything that was on her plate, and kissing her mother good night. But a few weeks ago Polina was replaced. It all started quite abruptly: Polina frightened her family by organizing a “day of disobedience.” The adults decided that Polina was overtired, since the day before she had gone to visit her mother. But soon hysterics, whims and unbearable bickering became commonplace. Mom was at a loss: maybe Polina is having a hard time in the garden? Or did she spoil her daughter herself? Or is it a condition that needs to be treated?

Sounds familiar, doesn't it? Just recently, your three-year-old child behaved completely differently. There was peace in your home and peace in your relationships. It would seem that he has already learned the rules and strives to comply with them. It was possible to come to an agreement with him: ask, convince, distract. But everything has changed - your baby has become completely uncontrollable. And most importantly, it’s completely unclear what to do about it?

The beginning of the “time of troubles” occurs between the ages of 2.5 and 3.5 years and ends completely by the age of 4. And even six months before the start of the crisis, you can notice that tension is gradually beginning to increase. A crisis changes a child beyond recognition: “I don’t want”, “I won’t”, “I don’t need to”. Parents are discouraged by the child’s new pressure, his irreconcilable position towards everything that previously did not cause any tension. At first they are lost, try to distract, switch, then try to insist, order. It all ends with screams and even slaps on the butt.

No matter how strange and sometimes even painful your baby’s behavior may seem to you, remember: a crisis is a normal, healthy phenomenon, even if it happens very violently. Rather, those who claim “we don’t have any crisis!” should think about it. It’s hard for you to believe it now, but when the crisis is over, you will find your baby independent, disciplined and purposeful! Now let’s look “piece by piece” at all the signs of the crisis of 3 years and find ways of peaceful coexistence.

Negativism, or I will never do it

Roma is 2 years 10 months old. What upsets his mother most is that he says “no” to every suggestion she makes. It gets to the point of absurdity: “Let’s go for a walk!” "No!". “Then shall we stay at home?” "No!". A desperate “no” became the main word in the house: no food, no bedtime, no clothes for kindergarten. Sometimes Roma’s mother even “breaks down”: she screams at him, maybe spanks him. But this only worsens the situation and prolongs the time of “hysterics”.

Negativism is the desire to resist everything an adult says, sometimes reaching the point of absurdity. The main difference from other forms of protest behavior is that a child denies something only because an adult suggested it to him. Those. Negativism is a reaction not to what you say, but to the fact that it is you who propose it. Negativism is selective, and it manifests itself most violently with the most important people in a child’s life.

A period of negativism is necessary. For the first time in his life, the child actively learns to say the important word “no.”

During the 3-year crisis period, due to increasing negativism, almost all usual methods of influencing the child stop working. A friendly offer can cause a confident “no”, an attempt to order – hysterics, an attempt to switch – a new round of denial (he cannot agree with what you are offering him!).

What to do

Be understanding. In order for a person to learn to think and behave independently, in a new way, he must abandon everything “old”. He does not mock you, does not spite you! He's learning new things, and that's important.

“Let go” of the situation. If the situation allows and the child can choose what to do, give him this opportunity. Get some rest!

Own opinion

3-year-old Sasha decided that she would not say hello to the teachers in kindergarten. Mom tried to convince her, telling her that good girls should be polite, but... Sasha was gloomily silent when she came to kindergarten. Mom was very ashamed. What if they think that she cannot instill basic politeness in her child?

Stubbornness is a child’s reaction in which he insists on something because he has already voiced his desire. In the case of stubbornness, the “word spoken” is important. You can convince him to do it differently, and he (being at a different age) would agree with you. But not during the 3-year crisis!

The stubbornness of this period is necessary for the child to learn to concentrate on a goal (“I decided so”), to defend and achieve its implementation. Yes, now it is very difficult for you to argue with him on every issue. But the time will come, and he will surprise you with his determination!

What to do?

Give a reasonable argument. Even if the baby doesn’t give in, he hears you! Perhaps next time he will no longer argue that it is better to sleep on the bed, but to comb his hair with a comb. Do not demand that your child immediately admit that you are right, even if you see that he would be ready to agree with you. Respect your desire to defend your opinion.

Offer a choice. If it's a matter of stubbornness and not negativism, then you have the power to prevent disputes in many situations. He wants to decide, so give him that opportunity! What should we read at night? Frame it in such a way that the child can make a “secondary” choice to avoid arguing about the main issue.

A great way to show respect for your child's decisions is to write down their wishes. This can help you in a variety of situations. May you always have a notebook and pen ready. For example, he doesn’t want to leave the street. You can say: “Let's write down your wish... Bogdan wants to walk another... 5 or 10 minutes? 10 minutes, okay. So, I wrote down: “Bogdan wants to walk for another 10 minutes.” I’ll call you in 10 minutes, but for now go play!” This method works great in stores when the baby begins to insist on buying everything. It’s enough to write a list: “Bogdan wants...”. When an adult actually writes something down for a child, it creates a truly magical reaction.

I'm against

“I don’t want to go to bed”, “I won’t have porridge for breakfast, give me some jam”, “I won’t put away the toys, never!”, “I won’t button my boots, so I’ll go” - such an endless stream was poured out by Artem on his family every day. It would seem that he is protesting against all the rules at once, inventing new ones, his own. The parents were tired of constant disobedience and their son’s ridiculous innovations.

Obstinacy is simultaneously similar to negativism and stubbornness. But if negativism is directed against a specific adult, then obstinacy is a protest against all established norms of behavior and the child’s way of life. If stubbornness manifests itself in a specific situation (whether I want it or not here and now), then obstinacy is a more general concept. The little “revolutionary” fights against the “old” in the name of the “new”.

The child reaches a new level of awareness. Previously, he submitted and “obeyed” simply because his family told him to. But now he must once again reconsider all the rules in order to assimilate them consciously, answering the question “why exactly?”

What to do

Have patience. The child will repeatedly violate the previous rules, even if they are very reasonable in our adult opinion. Yes, his behavior looks like a provocation. This is true! It’s as if the baby is “drawing a map”, where the territory that is “possible” is limited by the borders of “not allowed”. But he does this in the only way - by repeatedly breaking the rules. If the adult reacts the same way every time, a “constant line” appears on the “map” - and the child obeys the new (or newly confirmed) rule. For example, introduce a rule: warn your baby about the end of the walk, saying that he has another 10 minutes. And no matter how much he protests, stick to your rule yourself. Several times - and the baby will not only calmly leave the street, but will also take a step towards understanding time.

Explain the need. Even if the child is not ready to immediately agree with you, explain why you need to do it this way and not otherwise. “As I said, so it will be!” can only cause a storm of emotions in a child, and nothing more. Better draw a picture with germs running away from soapy hands, tell him that his body gains strength during sleep. Offer your child scientific explanations, but, of course, take into account age. And the rules will be followed much better. That's what he decided!

Remove unnecessary restrictions. The more restrictions at the age of 3 years, the more difficult the crisis passes. Every time, before you say “no,” think, is it really worth prohibiting what the child wants? Often, violations of the rules go “hand in hand” with cognitive activity and openness to the world. Create conditions for your child where there will be few “not allowed.” Then it will be easy to learn them.

I myself

The mother of 3-year-old Katya feels completely exhausted. Every morning is the same. Katya can’t get dressed quickly yet, but as soon as her mother tries to help her, she “turns on the siren”: “Sama-a-a-a!” Mom is nervous because she needs to get to work on time. And when patience runs out, she quickly finishes everything herself to the protest cry of her daughter. And even in kindergarten the situation is repeated!

Self-will is the desire for independence embodied in action. Above we talked about independent thinking, but a child at 3 years old begins to actively “try his strength” and wants to do everything himself.

How can you learn something if you don't learn it? The requirement “I myself!” an incredibly important achievement of age. The child wants to develop his skills, move forward, and master the world at a new level. And if you support this desire, very soon you will have many reasons to be proud: “He is so independent!”

What to do

Review your routine. Very often, at the age of 3, a child defends his right to dress himself. Since the skills are still immature, this takes a long time and makes parents nervous, especially in the morning. You can wake up your baby 15–20 minutes earlier in the morning, and he will have more time to get dressed on his own. Rest assured, this will happen faster and faster each time.

Help me! Congratulations, you now have a helper! Do you bake pies? Let him make “koloboks”. Do you clean your apartment? He can wipe off the dust with a cloth. Support and develop his desire for independence. In almost all matters you can find a “step” that a child can take on his own. But pride in the fact that he helped “for real” is so conducive to growing up!

I don't like it anymore

Vika really surprised her mother when she said that she had given her friend a teddy bear in the garden. After all, this was a favorite toy since infancy! Vika slept with the bear, ate, and walked. What came over her?

Depreciation is a mechanism for the operation of other signs. The child devalues ​​a lot of things. Rules become devalued and obstinacy arises. The opinion of parents is devalued - negativism arises. Help is devalued - “I myself!” arises. But the most surprising thing for parents is that the “best” toys, books, treats and games cease to be loved until this moment.

Depreciation, as we have already found out, is the basis for “switching on” all the main engines of the crisis, without which reaching a new stage is impossible. But along with the fact that the child considers obstacles for himself (rules, restrictions), what was previously loved also falls under his hammer. These are like sweet shorts from which it’s time to grow out!

What to do

The main recommendation, perhaps, is this: understand how it works and do not resist. If you stop liking oatmeal, offer buckwheat. If he doesn’t want to watch a cartoon about a bunny anymore, turn on one about an octopus. In general, respect his choice.

I protest

The topic is 3.5 years old. Lately he has become completely uncontrollable: he squeezes out tears, screams, and doesn’t want to listen to anyone. He may lie on the floor and demand something that is currently impossible to give (for example, the car he saw in the store yesterday). While on sick leave with Tema, my mother caught herself thinking that she couldn’t wait for him to go to kindergarten again. She's so tired of constant wars!

Rebellion is the main way in which a child will act throughout the crisis. He seems to be constantly on alert, at war with everyone. Just a little bit - he screams, cries, resists, can hit or call him names. Parents sometimes don’t even suspect that such “devils” live in their previously sweet little ones!

The child does not yet know more subtle techniques that help him achieve his goal. Therefore, rebellion is only a tool. He will definitely learn to act more peacefully, but for now...

What to do

React appropriately. If a child hits you or calls you a bad word, be sure to show him your dissatisfaction with facial expressions and words. It’s good if your phrases are free of violent emotions and sound short but stern. This way the baby will understand much better than if he hears an angry tirade.

Help him. Sometimes children completely reject an adult's attempts to hug and comfort them. But this doesn't always happen. If you see that your child clearly needs help calming down, give him a hug, pat his head, and rock him a little.

Teach him to negotiate. Take toys and role-play a situation where a little bear negotiates with his mother about something. If such games become constant, he will learn a new, civilized way to achieve his goals.

Don't respond with aggression! A child's protest behavior often causes anger in an adult. But that’s why we are “big”, to behave wiser than the “little” ones! If an adult screams or hits a child, this only shows his powerlessness.

I said

Recently, Valera began to lead everyone in the family. “No, you won’t go to work, you’ll hang out with me!”, “Sit in the room, don’t go to the kitchen,” “Turn off your music!” – Valera’s mom, dad and brother constantly hear. But since they are not ready to obey the little tyrant, scandals in the house do not subside.

What is this? Despotism is a continuation of all other signs of crisis. In a family where several children are growing up, a 3-year-old may become very jealous, intolerant of his brothers and sisters, and desire to boss them around.

Despotism is a set of actions to insist on your own, set your own rules, and feel like the most important thing. An immature but brave attempt at leadership.

What to do

Distinguish between despotism and the child's immediate needs. Sometimes he just needs his mother to stay close, and sometimes it’s just an attempt to control. Learn to gently but strictly tell your child “no,” emphasizing that the actions of others in this case do not harm him in any way. And therefore parents (or other adults) have the right to do as they want or need.

Limit your child wisely. Give him the opportunity to make some of the decisions that concern him. If the question applies to others, you can ask him for advice on how to spend the weekend together. For the sake of “peace in the family,” you shouldn’t submit to a little tyrant, because then the “crisis” may not end!

Play! Invite your child: “Let's play. You will be the father, and I will be the daughter.” And let the child do in the game what he really wants in life - guide you from the heart!

So…

The 3-year crisis is a time of “fighting,” but everyone comes out of it victorious! The child becomes more mature, independent and responsible. Parents have many reasons to be proud. Of course, the process of education will continue for many years, but, perhaps, you have already overcome one of the most difficult stages.

Magazine “Mom and Baby”, No. 06, 2012

Just yesterday your baby was friendly and cheerful, but today he is capricious on every occasion even without him? There is a crisis of 3 years in a child. This is a fairly common phenomenon, but most parents do not know how to respond to tantrums and emotional breakdowns in their children. This will be discussed in our article.

Peculiarities of child behavior during a three-year-old crisis

The period of three years is marked not only by sufficient independence, but also by the child’s rebellious mood. He may refuse to eat, boycott all your proposals, or raise a cry if someone refuses to follow his lead. We can say that the child begins to do everything the other way around. This behavior of the baby at least shocks the parents, and in most cases they are not ready for such a development of events: mothers and fathers lose patience and show aggression towards the child. Naturally, such a reaction only aggravates the already difficult state of affairs. All this is called the child’s 3-year-old crisis.

How to deal with the situation?

Firstly, you shouldn’t focus on the child’s bad behavior and forcefully re-educate him, but you also shouldn’t let everything take its course. The wisest decision in this case would be to switch the child’s attention to the game and communicate with him on interesting topics. If the baby has reached hysteria, then doing this is unrealistic; it is better to wait until he calms down. Remain neutral and firm, convincingly tell your child that you will talk to him when he cools down.

A 3-year-old child’s behavior during a crisis largely depends on the attitude of adults to the current situation. Based on this, parents should always remain calm, no matter how much restraint this requires. The most important thing that needs to be firmly understood is that the child must be sure that you love him!

If a child throws a tantrum at you in a crowded place, you need to deprive him of the opportunity to “perform in front of the audience.” At the same time, you must remain calm and explain that screaming and hysterics will not produce results.

If a tantrum occurs at home, then you need to tell the child that you will listen to him only when he calms down. And having patience, wait until this long-awaited moment comes.

It is much more difficult when stubbornness and whims happen in public places. The fact is that children are great manipulators and subtly feel that in public everything is allowed to them. All that depends on you is to deprive your child of spectators by taking him to a deserted place.

It is very important that when communicating with a child there is less refusal on his part. (I thought this was a little duplicated information, think about what’s better)

Try to get your child to agree with you in everything. An incorrectly constructed sentence can sound like an order on a subconscious level, which will cause a contradiction syndrome in the child. Feel the difference using the example: “Let’s go get dressed, we’re going for a walk” and “Where do you want us to go to the park or to the yard?” Create the illusion of choice and then you will be able to develop a personality in your child.

Test for the baby

Few people think about it, but a child’s 3-year-old crisis is a real test for him. It is worth noting that the baby does not understand the reasons for what is happening to him, so your support is very important. Praise the baby for his successes, give him compliments in the presence of your family. Such simple actions will cheer up the child and improve his self-esteem.

You must understand that with his behavior the child tests the boundaries of what is acceptable and looks at your reaction, so be calm in any situation. After all, behind all the antics of a three-year-old child is the need to take his place.

Signs of a crisis

Recognizing a three-year crisis is quite simple, but parents who have not encountered a similar phenomenon before can recognize it by the following signs:

1. Negativism - This is a character trait that is expressed by a reluctance to submit to the influence of other people. But negativism can manifest itself selectively. A child may accept and agree with one family member and not at all perceive what another person says. The main thing that motivates his behavior is to do everything opposite to what is expected from the opposite side.
2. Stubbornness - a child’s reaction to receive something or to insist on his desire, regardless of the adult’s opinion. The child reacts negatively to an adult’s request because he does not want to give up his desires. However, stubbornness should not be confused with perseverance in achieving your own goals.
3. Obstinacy - can be compared to a kind of rebellion against the way of life, foundations and order. It is not directed against a specific person, but rather against established orders in the family or the educational system as a whole.
4. Self-will - This is the child’s desire to do everything himself. It is clear that he will not be able to do everything and it is more convenient for parents to do everything themselves, since it is more convenient and faster. There is no need to deprive the child of the joy of the performance process itself. The child will be happy just from the thought of his independence. And even if you know that the child cannot do something, praise him for his impetuousness to give the child confidence and raise his self-esteem.
5. Protest riot - this is a response to pressure from adults. Parents must understand that if they constantly restrain the child’s activities, considering his behavior to be wrong, then the child’s emotions find a way to release tension in the form of rebellion and protest. It is important for a child that his parents take his independence seriously. A child begins to protest when his opinion is not respected or simply not taken into account. American psychologist Erickson notes that at the age of 3 years, a child develops independence, will and independence.
6. Depreciation- a state in which, in the eyes of a child, what was familiar and interesting before is devalued. Attitudes towards parents, toys, and others can change, either in a neutral or negative form. At this moment the child wants to be paid attention to him or he simply lacks activity, perhaps he needs to be occupied with something.
7. Despotism- these are the child’s attempts to exercise power in relation to loved ones in order to force them to do what the child wants, bypassing the wishes of the parents.

Crisis of 3 years in a child: causes

This is the age when the child’s identity is established, and all of the above signs are proof of this. For the first three years, the child is very attached to his mother both psychologically and physically. But there comes a moment when he realizes that it is possible, it turns out, to somehow influence the world around him, in particular adults. The baby gains confidence that he is already an adult and can do everything himself. And note - not just do it, but also make independent decisions. And when they begin to pull him back and educate him from the outside, that same 3-year crisis that we are talking about is formed.

The classic of Russian psychology L.S. Vygotsky wrote in his works that behind everything negative there is a positive beginning, which becomes a transition to a new form. Children, starting at this age, learn to establish contacts with adults and with their peers.

It is worth noting that at the age of 3 years, during the developmental stage, children acquire positive qualities:

• A new level of self-awareness is being formed
• There is a desire for independence
• Develops activity and strong-willed qualities
• The stage of transition to new relationships with adults, which manifests itself in communication and play

And in this whole process, the positive assessment of parents plays a huge role. How much the crisis of a three-year-old child will be affected will depend on how correctly the parents can accept the child’s new behavior and respond correctly.

It is also worth noting that a 3-year-old child’s crisis can manifest itself without any negative characteristics. If a child’s three-year-old crisis does not have characteristic features or the parents do not notice anything unusual, then the opinion that this can somehow influence psychological development will be erroneous. What is important is not how the child’s three-year crisis passes, but how the child’s personal qualities will be formed in the future. Will, independence, pride in one’s own merits - this is a list of those qualities that are a sign of the correct psychological development of a child at the age of 3 years.

How to behave as parents during a crisis of a 3-year-old child

The main character in the life of any child is the mother. And it is on her that the further behavior and development of the child largely depends. She has a lot of responsibility. Mothers need to understand that a child who has reached the age of 3 is undergoing a very important transition to a completely new stage of childhood. Having noticed a change in a child’s behavior for the worse, you need to be flexible in your upbringing and allow the child to reach this very level of independence.

The child tries to find weak character traits in his parents in order to defend his independence with their help. And he, without getting tired, will try and test their patience in order to achieve his independence. And it doesn’t matter at all who stands in front of him - mom or dad, grandma or grandpa.

The child will try in every possible way to find weaknesses in your character in order to influence you in the future and defend his independence. Therefore, what is forbidden to him, he will check several times a day whether it is so, in order to find out whether it is definitely forbidden or is it still possible? And if the mother forbids something, and the grandmother allows it, then the child will try to get what he wants from the family member who allows him to do it. On the one hand, this is a manifestation of cunning, and on the other hand, it is a manifestation of ingenuity and you should not be angry with a child for this. Don’t forget that children’s “egoism” is very naive. The child does not understand why at the moment what he wants is not possible, at this moment it is the parents who change the “impossible-possible” system and in this case it is necessary to correctly explain this to the child.

The main thing is to show love for the child, which will help in educational measures. Both encourage and punish a child need to be done with love. The kid should feel that he was scolded not because he is so bad, but for some specific action. Mom should learn to combine severity and affection. Any prohibition must be justified so that the child understands that this is not your whim or order. And even if the child told you: “No,” you should not react negatively in this case. Don’t forget that you have recently forbidden your child many things, but he only copies the behavior of his parents. Therefore, when the child’s desires are too high and it is impossible to turn them into reality, a way out can be found in role-playing games.

An example of a role-playing game. The child refuses to eat lunch, although the mother knows that he is hungry. Don't insist or beg him. Instead, you need to invite one of his toys to the set table and ask the baby to feed him. Feeling like an adult, the child sits down next to him and begins to feed his toy. Mom, in turn, offers to try lunch so that it does not turn out to be too hot for the doll. And thus, unnoticed by the baby, the entire portion of lunch is eaten.

A child at this age will be very flattered if he is given an adult gift, for example, a ballpoint pen, or asked to use the telephone, etc.

Your baby will benefit if you consult with him. This will make him feel needed, and most importantly, equal to you.

Positive aspects of being three years old

It is worth noting that the three-year period also has its advantages: firstly, the baby strives for independence, secondly, the baby develops a new level of self-knowledge and strong-willed qualities, thirdly, the child’s activity increases significantly. It is also worth noting that a three-year-old child establishes deeper relationships during communication.

Parents must understand that the three-year crisis may not have negative manifestations. Moreover, it is not at all necessary that this period will affect the mental development of the baby. Therefore, the task of parents is to react competently to current situations.

What not to do

1. Hit the child, yell at him, try to force him to do what you want. These methods will further worsen the symptoms of the crisis.
2. Do what the child is able to do on his own. Especially when he wants to feel like an adult. However, you should not overdo it and give difficult tasks. If the child himself was able to partially put on tights or his favorite shirt, you should not force or demand this from the child every day.
3. There is no need to explain to your child for a long time, everything should be short and to the point! Otherwise, the child will get confused in all the explanations and will not understand the meaning of long conversations.

A mother can change even the most capricious and obstinate child by showing him love!