What actions of a man can be tolerated, and what should be nipped in the bud? Elena Kuznetsova, director of the Vladimir dating agency "Me and You", a family psychologist, consultant on interpersonal relationships, tells.

assault

It is impossible to forgive him in any case, because this is a threat to the beauty, health and even life of a woman. From a man who is worth running away, because the situation will definitely repeat itself over time. According to Kuznetsova, the stronger sex is divided into two categories: those who will never, under any circumstances, hit a woman, and those who do not consider a fight with a young lady to be something out of the ordinary. It all depends on the conditions in which the man was brought up and in what family. If he saw how, then, most likely, he will transfer this experience into his life.

“If such a situation is unacceptable for a woman, it is worth remembering that it will happen again. And if there is a threat to you and your children, you need to save yourself, ”the psychologist states. However, Kuznetsova notes that some women do not see a problem in the fact that the husband sometimes fights. They sincerely believe that "beats means loves." Usually, ladies with such a life position also grew up in a family where parental “fist fights” were the norm.

Narcissism and selfishness

A normal woman who was loved and spoiled as a child is unlikely to pay attention to. Usually, ladies are “sharpened” for this type, who from a very early age are accustomed to being on the sidelines. Narcissists or egoists do not become overnight, and it turns out that a woman who decided to have a relationship with such a man made a conscious choice. And will live with such a partner.

If, at the stage of dating, a girl suddenly realizes that she got an egoist or a narcissist, and this does not suit her, then she must part with the man. It will not change in the future, on the contrary, the situation will only get worse. Your partner will do everything primarily for themselves as well. If you're not used to this, run.

Greed

If in childhood a woman was not spoiled, then there is nothing surprising in the fact that she will get a greedy man. However, if a woman is "sharpened" for a different type, and during the candy-bouquet period it suddenly turns out that she should not expect a miracle - the boyfriend will not change.

Greed is always noticeable, if not immediately, but nonetheless. For example, it was in an expensive restaurant - the gentleman tried to impress, shushed, and then suddenly began to save sharply and invite him exclusively to cheap cafes. Another bad call - your partner reproaches you for squandering: "It's too expensive", "Why did you buy it?", "Don't you feel sorry for 1000 rubles for lipstick?" etc.

In addition, greedy men like to complain about the high cost: “How prices rose in stores, coffee cost 120 rubles, and now 123 rubles”, “How expensive cinema tickets went up, went to the morning show, it is the cheapest”, etc. Of course, any man can talk about rising prices, but a greedy man will not just state a fact, but focus attention.

Kuznetsova warns that a greedy person cannot be re-educated. And if you start to reproach him for being greedy, you will only provoke a scandal.

Dangerous addictions

Alcoholism and drug addiction is a disease. A woman who lives with a man suffering from harmful addictions, even if he is coded, will always be like on a volcano. At any moment this volcano can wake up.

The only situation when almost nothing can be done if the spouse went on a spree with a young lady is that it is almost impossible to compete with a young body. Here, a woman can only sympathize, advise to be patient and wait until the “demon in the rib” of her husband calms down. With age, men appreciate comfort very much, it is important for them by 70%, or even more. The representatives of the stronger sex get used to the young body quickly, but the young ladies cannot give them the comfort that the wife provided, so there are constant “swings”. A man is torn between two women, constantly forced to choose between sex with a young mistress and an established life. Some representatives of the stronger sex, tired of such a situation, still prefer to return to the family.

Helpful information

Aggression towards children and animals

“Animals, children and old people are sacred. And if a man behaves aggressively towards them, run away from him. Aggression is a diagnosis. You could be the next victim,” Kuznetsova warns. She advises not to hush up any situation that is shocking to you, but to talk with your partner, otherwise it will only get worse.

“I would liken the situation to a stocking coming loose. If one loop climbed, it can be quietly picked up. Yes, there will be a trace, but a small one. But when the “arrow” has already gone, you can’t collect it, the seam will be too visible,” states the family psychologist.

If you want to suggest your topics related to interpersonal relationships, write to the editorial office of AiF-Vladimir: [email protected] .

Forgiveness is very important in life. The accumulated small and large grievances poison life, spoil the mood and well-being. Such grievances need to be parted as soon as possible. However, not everything can and should be forgiven. Every woman has her own understanding of prohibitions. If for one betrayal of her husband does not mean anything, then the other will not be able to continue to be with him. Whether this is good or bad, it is impossible to say for sure. But to be happy, stepping on the throat of one's own principles, concepts of honor and conscience, will definitely not work.

Betrayal

The most offensive and serious betrayals occur on the part of close and dear people. After all, they know your weaknesses and those things that can hurt. But still decide to betray. Sometimes it benefits them, sometimes they do it stupidly. The term betrayal can be understood as:

• physical or emotional betrayal of a beloved man;
• “setting up” a colleague at work;
• flirting best friend with your man;
• disclosure of your personal secrets and secrets.

Of course, you can try to forgive the person who betrayed you, continue to communicate with him, but trust will be lost. The one who betrayed you once can easily do it again. Communicating with him further, you will still remember his betrayal. Many women forgive the betrayal of loved ones because of material, moral benefits. They do not want to know and accept the bitter truth. But whether they will then have peace and tranquility in their souls is difficult to answer.
Sincerely forgive or finally break off the relationship - everyone decides for himself, listening to his inner voice.

Cruelty and assault

If you can offend strongly with words inadvertently, then you can behave cruelly or beat you only consciously. For most women, the cruelty of men towards children is absolutely unacceptable, although many of them will forgive rude treatment of themselves.
But this position is wrong. You can not forgive assault, rudeness, humiliation for many reasons:

Why can't you forgive that your loved one hit you? A woman with the psychology of a victim is ready to endure beatings, but this cannot be called normal.

Deception

You can cheat once and. In a relationship with a loved one or friendship, it is important to trust a person, to know that he will always be there. As a rule, everything starts with petty lies. A man keeps silent about his spending, entertainment and other things so as not to “upset you.”
But then it becomes a habit, all communication becomes entangled in a web of lies. You can no longer trust him.

It will not be a problem to deceive you on a large scale. Husbands often take loans, lose all their savings on sweepstakes, sell valuables without the knowledge of their spouses. The property and money that you did not just get are spent on meaningless actions. It is difficult to forgive such deceit. After all, a man demonstrates complete indifference to your needs, interests, desires. If you forgive deceit, you will always be a victim of this attitude towards yourself.

Treason

The attitude to adultery depends on the upbringing, sexual emancipation of the woman. For some, it means nothing. The wife avoids information about her husband's infidelities, pretending to be completely ignorant. But for romantic natures, related to sexual intercourse not only from the physiological side, betrayal can be a real tragedy. It is difficult for such women to forgive her, because they will not be able to live with such and treat a man as before.

• If this is not an isolated case, but a systematic violation of fidelity.
• Love you or In this case, it makes no sense to continue the relationship.
• A man does not perceive betrayal as a betrayal, a bad deed. He does not repent, does not regret what he has done, but, on the contrary, seeks to make you feel guilty. Such a man will definitely change again.
• If a man is loose, obsessed with sex, then he cannot be faithful. Why endure constant betrayal.
• To be able to resist temptations you need to be strong. Learn to resist. If a man does not want to do this, then he will never change.

Cheating is not only a physical act, but also humiliation, deception, betrayal of a partner. Even if you love your man very much, think many times before forgiving him. Is he worth the sacrifice? After all, life with constant distrust and doubt is unlikely to bring joy.

Indifference

Indifference and the complete absence of quarrels is a signal that not everything is going smoothly in a relationship. Such situations lead to family crises and. Indifference to a woman often occurs when a man does not respect her.
After all, respect is the key to a healthy relationship. When he is not there, the man is not interested in the opinion of the woman, criticizes her, does not take her words and requests seriously. He may avoid communication altogether, move away from serious conversations, or just listen to you with a blank look. You should not hope that your love will melt the ice, over time, his disrespect and indifference will only increase, criticism will become tougher. As a result, your self-esteem will decrease, complexes and self-doubt will appear.

To build a harmonious relationship, you need to make efforts from both sides. But in fact, it is the woman who makes sacrifices, adapts to the man. At the same time, a man can behave absolutely indifferently, does not try to give you anything in return. A moral, material, housing factor or other benefit can keep him in a relationship. But if a woman appears on the horizon who can give more, then he will immediately leave. Therefore, indifference and indifference cannot be forgiven.

A man suffering from narcissism or a big egoist often becomes indifferent. He will be narcissistic and take your sacrifices for granted. You will not see gratitude or appreciation from him. As well as support in difficult situations, because he is indifferent to almost everything that happens to you.

Run from such men. After all, life is given to enjoy it, give birth and raise children, feel happy. And by forgiving everything that disgusts you, you will no longer be yourself and cease to be a person.

Surely each person has his own list of words and deeds that in no case can be forgiven to anyone. But love and close relationships often force us to reconsider our principles, and sometimes even change them.

Being in love sometimes closes a woman's eyes to the ugly male actions of her partner, often forcing her to forgive what, in general, should not be forgiven.

So, what actions and words can never be forgiven even to a beloved man?

Treason

On the topic of unforgivable betrayal, the opinions of women and men unanimously agree in their majority - you can’t forgive betrayal! In treason, several negative points are collected - this is the pain from realizing the deception of a loved one, hatred of betrayal, and intolerance from the thought that he was close to another woman, this is the torment from the fact that someone broke into the close world of your relationship with a partner more, soiling and defiling the Temple of your love.

Sometimes even a very strong person cannot forgive betrayal, and the fact of betrayal can simply trample a weak, sensitive person.

Forgive the changer?

Of course, everyone decides for himself. But remember that to forgive is not to live the rest of your life with a person under the yoke of suspicion, pain and this resentment. To forgive betrayal is to let go of the situation, completely clear your heart of resentment and start life from scratch, never returning to the past. See also: How to respond to his betrayal?

The man raised his hand to the woman

The sad statistics that psychologists provide indicate that the fact of the first case when a man raises his hand to a woman soon becomes part of his rule of communication with a partner.

A man by nature is very strong, and he is able to protect his loved ones, as well as refrain from excessive emotionality and aggression. A strong man will never allow himself to humiliate a loved one.

The one who raised his hand against a woman is a creature with an unbalanced psyche, who can easily do it for the second and tenth time, each time getting more and more excited and using more and more sophisticated methods of humiliating his wife.

man beating children

Until the debate subsides about whether physical punishment of children is necessary, or it is not permissible, those men who do not have the right to be called men spread their hands in relation to their children, explaining this with fatherly love and the desire to raise good people out of them.

The highest role of a mother is to protect her children from all the cruelties in this world. So is it worth it to forgive a person who regularly tortures your flesh and blood? Is your love for your husband or the habit of living with him together worth all the humiliation, physical and moral pain of your child?

Lie

Whatever the male lie - small or big - it can be a serious obstacle to this couple's path to happiness. As a rule, it is a small lie that undermines relationships - every day, bit by bit, suddenly growing into a snowball over time, which can no longer be moved aside.

A lie of a man is a serious reason to doubt his feelings and sincerity. Relationships are built on trust, if there is no trust, there will be no love.

Public words of insult against a woman
Dirty words spoken by a man in public should not be forgiven him. If a man suddenly begins to share the intimate secrets of your relationship with friends, criticize you rudely, utter obscene expressions against you - this is a serious reason to reconsider relations with him.

In no case should a man forgive such behavior - unless, of course, you want to remain humiliated and insulted all your life, and possibly even beaten, in public.

Disrespectful attitude towards women

“That blonde has a superfigure, and after giving birth you blurred like a cow”, “But where do you care about this woman, you don’t know how to cook”, “My ex kept order, but you always have a mess” - and they continue comparing you with all the women on Earth, of course, is not in your favor. Should this be forgiven?

Respect is one of the pillars on which Love stands. There is no respect for you - and this love becomes "lame", or maybe it does not exist at all. Most likely, comparing with other women, humiliating you, makes a man feel the pain of his own EGO. Do you really need this weakling?

Male laziness

How often in life we ​​see families in which a woman is “I am a horse, I am a bull, I am a woman and a man”, and a man lies down on his sofa, finding endless excuses for his passivity ...

Such a man does not look for an additional opportunity to earn money, he does not try to solve financial crises in the family, he does not do any household chores. The most favorite activities of such a man are watching TV programs, lying on the couch, meeting friends in a garage or a beer bar, fishing, eternal smoke breaks ...

Are you sure that at the moment when you are suddenly unable to provide for your family and do all the housework, your man will take over the solution of problems? So whether it is necessary to put up with his passivity today - the answer is quite obvious.

The greed of a man

It is very difficult for a woman to feel loved and desired if her man is tight-fisted in gifts and purchases. In such couples, constant friction arises over allegedly excessive spending by the wife and children. A woman in such a pair is unlikely to receive chic gifts, and bouquets for her, if they are bought, then only on the basis of the principles of economy - cheaper, discounted.

It will be very difficult for any woman to come to terms with such a situation, if she has not completely given up on her life. And is it necessary to forgive a man for greed?

Insulting your relatives

If a man sincerely loves you, he will never stoop to insult your parents, children from a previous marriage, brothers, sisters, etc.

According to many people, in no case should you forgive your man the words of insulting relatives - even if they were uttered in a temper, and you should not forgive his ugly actions towards relatives.

Bad habits of a man

In no case should a woman put up with the most common bad male habits - alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling. A man who seeks solace in these manias of his does not really love you - these passions replace love for him. Although he may swear eternal love for you - but how, it is very convenient for him to return after a night of drinking or after major losses to the house, where he will be fed, calmed down, caressed.

Alcoholism, gambling, drug addiction can not be forgiven a man!

Male egoism and egocentrism

Your man speaks only about himself, attributing all family achievements to his person. He is ready to go on vacation to the country he chooses, it is he who decides which friends to be friends with you, and which ones should forget the way to your house.

A selfish man constantly wants attention to his person, but is very stingy to give attention to his companion or children.

Forgiving male egoism and resigning herself to this state of affairs, a woman a priori assigns herself secondary roles in his life. But wait, where is the love here?

When you grow up, you don't let girls treat you the way they did when you were younger. Disrespect for you remains in the past and all these unhappy relationships are on the verge. When you are an adult man, then you need to immediately upset a woman and twist it into a ram's horn, if she allows herself something that should not be.

The girl behaves the way you let her. Will she test you for character and balls? Of course, more than once.

1. The betrayal of the girl and the choice

Does a girl choose between you and someone else? So she does not love anyone, and no one really likes. The girl chooses with whom she will be better based on the maximum benefit. Who can give her as much as possible. But here the conversation is not about love, but material wealth and commercialism. Do you need it? Find a normal girl who will love and idolize you.

The girl set her horns and asks for forgiveness? Betrayal cannot be forgiven in any case. No matter how much you love. Throw to hell before you stain your name and your family.

2. Women's manipulations

This is the most popular game of a woman in a relationship. The girl begins to achieve what she wants using manipulation. Cheap play on emotions, moral pressure, threats of parting, deprivation of sex, demonstration of resentment, forcing with tears, categorical ultimatums, involvement of relatives and friends. A girl should be put down and ignored until she understands or you find a better chick.

3. Prohibitions and control

The girl starts to forbid the man to do what he wants? Don’t be friends with those, don’t go there, then don’t do it. Do as I said. An adult man will not tolerate such tricks and will put the girl in her place. Slavery has long been abolished, and the girl does not have the moral right to forbid something to a mature and wise man.

4. Comparison with others

A girl can compare you to other guys or her exes. Sometimes girls compare with their girlfriend's husband, reproaching you for a low salary, lack of press, or a small “friend”. A man does not have to endure this. You should find another girlfriend and let the girl go to hell.

5. Disrespect for a man

The girl is disrespectful to the man. She constantly criticizes and makes fun of him. The girl swears in the presence of strangers and expresses her displeasure. The girl treats the man's family badly. Such a girl has beguiled the shores and you need to get rid of her immediately.

When you grow up, relationships follow your rules, not women's. If a girl does not suit you, then it is very easy to replace her. Now there are so many girls that with your experience, lassoing a good and young female is not a problem. Are you a real man?

All of you really want to believe that your new acquaintance man is just the one you have been waiting for so long and with whom you will build a serious relationship. What if you made a mistake, because for such mistakes you then have to pay very painfully. What in the behavior of a man should alert you? Why can't a man be forgiven? What signs in his behavior should prove to you that it is better to part with him as soon as possible? This is what our article is about.

Below is a list of 10 things that you should not turn a blind eye to and forgive a man. These are very disturbing signals that require an immediate reaction from the woman and a revision of her attitude towards her lover. Simply put, these signs should make a woman “take off her rose-colored glasses” from her eyes and look with a sober look at her new partner.

Vigilant control

Do not confuse with sincere concern for you. It's one thing if your man walks you from home to work, and then back. Make sure you eat right and don't forget to wear warm socks in cold weather. That is, it shows attention and care for you.

And it’s completely different if he begins to control your every step, arranging surveillance of where and with whom you were, checking and rechecking all your movements. It begins to control your social circle, restricts your freedom, gets into your computer and phone without asking to check your connections and requires passwords from all your accounts. To all this, it begins to forbid dressing beautifully, believing that this will only harm you. Psychologists call this behavior "psychological abuse."

Devaluation of feelings

Quite often there are men who are used to hiding their feelings. They do not scatter in compliments, rarely say beautiful words and do not openly express their emotions. But they demonstrate feelings for their beloved by their actions. They help, give gifts, spend all their free time with her, delight with touches.

But if a man can easily shame you, make fun of you (and even in public!), Doesn’t hesitate to insult and humiliate you, such behavior indicates a desire to manipulate you, but certainly not love.

vulgar humor

Not all men have a subtle sense of humor. They can flatly (sometimes vulgarly) joke, blurt out some obscene language that can offend you. This needs to be stopped immediately and explained why it hurts you.

Everyone has difficult financial situations. A normal man tries to quickly understand what happened, reorganize and change goals and plans, and then “rush into battle” again. 2-3 months is enough for him to change everything. This is fine.

But when a man, first for months, and then for years, does nothing, explaining his behavior either by a global crisis, or by another depression, or by his fine mental organization misunderstood by his superiors, this is not normal. Well, unless you yourself don’t want to drag a freeloader and a lover of living at someone else’s expense on your hump all your life.

stinginess

Again, do not confuse male stinginess with reasonable prudence (savings). Do not be offended by a man if he objects to buying a third car in a family of two or if he is against daily dinners at a prestigious restaurant, each of which “eats up” a round sum in your budget.

Avarice is when a man completely devalues ​​the basic needs of his woman. This is also one of the types of control of a woman and subjugation of her to herself.

Consumer attitude towards women

If a man believes that a woman, by definition, should simply take care of all household chores (laundry, cleaning, cooking, taking care of children, etc.) and at the same time not count on his help (after all, his favorite football team plays on TV in this time!), then there can be no talk of any love in such a pair. A woman in the eyes of such a man is just a convenient tool for solving all everyday problems and satisfying (on demand, of course!) His sexual needs.

Sexual promiscuity

Accidentally looking into the phone of your lover, you are surprised to find dozens (or maybe hundreds!) Phone numbers of strangers. To the fair question "Who are they?" he naively replies that he's just friends with them all. But here he categorically disagrees to introduce at least one of this list, immediately diverting the conversation in the other direction. He reacts irritably and aggressively to more detailed questions.

Remember - friendship between a man and a woman does not exist, a man ALWAYS considers any "girlfriend" exclusively as a sexual object in the present or in the future. I already wrote about this in more detail in a separate article (read it). The worst thing is that a man does not even let his environment know about your existence ...

Indifference

Why can't a man be forgiven yet? An indifferent attitude towards you and the absence of any reaction to your feelings. And do not confuse the natural modesty of a man with indifference. What's good is that you are active in a relationship, and the man has never called first, has not invited you on a date, he is not interested in your affairs and problems. Yes, and to see you more often does not strive at all. You should not continue such a relationship and humiliate yourself in front of him.

Touchiness

To be offended is common to all people. We were hurt - we were offended. Such a reaction is quite normal for a person.

But when a man is offended by literally everything and for any reason, and after that he demands that you literally beg forgiveness from him on your knees, then you should seriously think about whether he is trying to manipulate you in this way, playing on guilt? This is a kind of vampirism on the part of a man. For the smallest flaws, he is ready to punish and make you emotionally react to his reproaches. Do you need it?...

Physical violence

Probably, you can turn a blind eye to some things (albeit with a stretch) if you have strong feelings for a man. But what can never be forgiven to a man is physical violence. Assault, accompanied by male explanations “You yourself are to blame for not holding back!” has no excuse. Never and under no circumstances can this be forgiven. Having forgiven once, you will encounter this more and more often, until, God forbid, it ends in serious injuries and hospitalization ... To stop immediately, in the bud and immediately leave, this is the only advice of psychologists for such a case.

Conclusion

Do not let yourself be treated boorishly, do not let a man humiliate you in any way. Maintain your dignity and self-respect. If you do not respect yourself, then a man is unlikely to do it. Without regret, part with men who allow themselves what is listed above. Be sure to later meet such a person who will appreciate you and will sincerely love you.

Wish you happiness!

Now smile:

"Doctor:
- Woman, you just gave birth and are registered again? Are you going straight to bed after the maternity hospital?
“Well, doctor, what are you talking about!” Of course not! I first cooked borsch ... "

Please click the social media buttons below. Thank you in advance!