Today on the women's website “Beautiful and Successful” we will talk about the relationship between parents and children. How to teach a child to respect his parents?

What is respect?

Respect is the attitude of one person towards another. And it (respect) must be earned. Therefore, the task of parents is to build relationships in a family where love and mutual respect reign.

I sometimes watch one project on TV: “Honey, we are killing our children.” In my opinion, the program is good, although many people think that everyone is playing as fake people. Whether they are fake heroes or not is not the point. The main thing is that leading psychologist Dmitry Karpachov gives practical advice and opens the eyes of adults to many issues of upbringing and relationships in the family. He also talks about the reasons why children do not respect their parents.

So, the presenter often repeats the words that if some problems arise in the family, it means that it is not the children who need to be changed, but the parents.

In one of the programs, a mother complains to the host that her adult daughter does not respect her at all. To which the presenter answers: “Why should she respect you?” Let's think about it, can a daughter respect her mother with her eternal drinking, scandals, yelling and swearing? After all, many adults believe that they should be respected only because they gave birth to children, then clothed and fed them. But isn't it the responsibility of parents to take care of their children?

As people say: “What goes around comes around.” I think that this proverb is directly related to our topic. Agree or not, but children are like a mirror.

That is, if children treat adults with disrespect, it means that their parents treated them with disrespect.

Why do children not respect their parents when they grow up? Because they were not taught this! Because they don't know what respect is!

Being afraid means respecting

• Mom works - everyone works! That is, if 15 minutes to half an hour are allotted for cleaning, then everyone gets involved. And only after that they begin to go about their business.

Or teach your children other rules:

• If parents work, then children should either work at this time or not interfere. That is, teach kids to wait until their parents finish their work.
• If mom is tired, she should rest and then play with the children.
• If you don’t want to wait, start working nearby. If you are not working, do not disturb those who are working now.

Rule No. 5. Your example is contagious

Children adopt the style of relationships in the family as a carbon copy. If you show respect for other people, then children will do the same. Ask yourself how you relate to adults, loved ones, and family. Maybe your children repeat your attitude?

Rule No.6. Things are not a substitute for love

We now find so little time for our children. Many adults try to “buy off” inattention with gifts. But things cannot replace love. There is no need to do this. Children will begin to take your frequent gifts for granted. In the future, this will result in lies and hysterics - this is how grown-up children will achieve what they want. My parents owe me!

Better find time to spend more with your children. There should be time together at least once a week.

Rule #7. Latest Chinese warning

Teach your children from childhood to hear you the first time. This is very important for those who want to find the answer to the question of how to raise a child and teach him to respect his parents. Be sure to discuss with your children their responsibilities and rules of behavior in the family. If a son or daughter does not fulfill their duty, they must be punished immediately. There should be no "latest Chinese warnings". Children must understand that punishment will follow immediately.

The women's site does not in any way call for physical punishment! In our opinion, punishment is a restriction in something. For example, in your favorite game or sweets. We talked in more detail about how to punish in the article about reality.

As you can see, there are many nuances that need to be taken into account by those who want to teach children to respect adults. It is virtually impossible to retrain and re-educate a teenager without the help of specialists. Of course, it happens that “lilies bloom in the swamp,” but to a greater extent everything depends on our communication with children. And it depends only on us whether he will give us that very cup of water in our old age.

photo - N'Grid

All over the country we hear the same thing from moms and dads striving to be good parents. In one form or another the question sounds: “Why don’t my children do what I tell them?”

Parents love Eph. 6:1-3. This is the verse we strive to teach our children above all else, and it is the one that hangs around in our heads as the standard for what our children are “supposed to do” (even if they rarely succeed). You know how this verse goes:

“Honor your father and mother,” for this is the first commandment with the promise, “that it may be good for you, and that you may live long on earth.”

Teaching my children this principle from an early age is good, but it will be even better if I pay attention to what God tells me to do personally. To be honest, I notice that it is much easier for me to watch how others follow certain instructions than how I do it. (Am I the only one?). This is what God says to me in Ephesians 6:4:

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger.”

God commanded parents not to “irritate” their children. Why did God put this in Scripture? Because parents (especially fathers) have a natural tendency to annoy their children.

We will do to our children as our parents did to us.

According to the dictionary, “irritate” means “to make someone feel impatient, annoyed, or angry.” Based on this definition, my children certainly annoy me often. Every parent has experienced this since the beginning of time. But the Bible says that if I irritate my children, the process of training and instilling obedience is fundamentally damaged.

I can spend all my parenting energy trying to force my children to obey, but I can also look in the mirror and ask God if I am guilty of continuously harassing my children.

Perhaps the problem of children in my house is, in fact, the problem of the parents

Having reflected on my own parenting experience, as well as the parenting successes and failures of others that I have personally witnessed, I would like to highlight 10 Parenting Behaviors That Are Guaranteed to Annoy Your Children. If your parenting style is defined in any way by one of these, your parenting success is at serious risk.

1. Dry rules.

All parents make rules. But if there is no cordial connection between parent and child, frustration cannot be avoided. As we've written before, “You need your children to love you. If they don't love you, they won't listen to you."

1. Inconsistency.

We are all susceptible to this sin - it is very difficult to accurately live up to the proclaimed standards. But if you constantly change the rules, or if mom and dad are not on the same side, the child becomes confused, and therefore irritated. Don't blame your child for bad behavior if you are inconsistent.

1. Too many no's.

As a parent, you will often have to say no. But also make sure you say “yes” often enough. Stop and buy ice cream when they ask. Do something funny or silly simply because your little one expects it. Allow children to walk longer if they deserve it.

1. Angry remarks.

You need to raise children, but if you do it with anger or emotion, there will be little benefit. The role of an adult belongs to you. Stop for a second, take a breath and parent with a cool head. Children will learn more if comments are presented in the form of conversations.

1. Unrealistic expectations.

You may make the mistake of setting the bar so high that your children will never be able to reach it. They will achieve a lot, but will never feel satisfied or deserving of your love. Do not do that! There is already a lot of pressure on children today. The last thing they need is mom and dad demanding more from them than they can handle.

1. Legalism.

Ensign parents who do not forgive mistakes are especially ineffective. You may be a normal parent for a while, but you won't last long. One more thing: You are missing a great opportunity to teach your children the gospel. Being a parent like Jesus means giving children a second chance.

1. Favor or comparison.

Comparing your children with others is like adding firewood to the flames of irritation. You think this motivates them, but it doesn't. Your children will soon begin to reject you and will inevitably lose all respect for your opinions.

1. Failure to admit one's own wrongs.

By the end of middle school, your children will already understand that you have shortcomings. If you don't admit your mistakes (especially when your mistakes are obvious), you question your credibility as a person. This irritates everyone, especially teenagers. Parents aren't perfect, and it's okay to admit that to your kids.

1. Hypocrisy.

When you say one thing and do another, it confuses children and creates a climate that is not conducive to positive influence. “You can’t text while driving – but I can!” (Here I am speaking to myself, my wife or teenage children need not comment).

1. Depriving a child of the right to vote.

Of course, children are called to obey and honor their parents. But you can do this by asking questions and having your own opinion about family issues. Use the phrase “because I said so” judiciously. You are the parent, one way or another, and you have the final say, but children need to know that their opinions are also respected in the home. This means that you need to listen to them.

It is impossible to completely avoid all these 10 mistakes, so relax. Imperfect and normal families like ours will constantly struggle with these tendencies. But it is important to realize that the more your parenting style is determined by these behaviors, the less of a positive influence you will have on your children.

Just ask God to help you fix some things. Then you will stop annoying your children and get straight to fulfilling Ephesians 6:4: “bringing up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” In addition, you will discover how wonderful your children are when they are not subject to “impatience, frustration, or bitterness.” It's not easy, but it's worth it!

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What would You added V this list? What often interferes to you bring up yours children Right And effectively?

Author - Barrett Johnson/charismamag.com
Translation - Ivan Nevmerzhitsky For

Adapted from the siteinfoforfamilies.com is a ministry founded by Barrett and Jennifer Johnson. After serving in the church for 25 years, Barrett and Jennifer founded their own ministry, InfoForFamilies, aimed at inspiring people through preaching, personal training and resource development. Barrett spent 15 years in youth ministry, then 8 years in family ministry at Johnson Ferry Baptist Church in Atlanta, one of the largest churches in the South. He has several degrees from Texas A&M University and Southwestern Seminary, but his and his wife Jennifer's greatest skill comes from everyday family life.

Hello dear readers. Today we will talk about a situation where a child does not respect his parents. You will find out why this can happen and how it manifests itself. You will know how to behave in such a situation.

Possible reasons

If a child does not respect his mother or father, then some factors influenced this. Often, the very behavior of parents provokes the child to disrespect. Let's look at what situations are most common in the formation of such an attitude.

1. Dry rules. When there is no love in the family, there is no emotional connection, but there are only rules that the child must follow. No wonder disrespect is born.
2. Lack of consistency. Very often, parents themselves break some rules, change them, or the opinions of the father and mother do not coincide on some issue. In such cases, the baby does not understand how to behave correctly. Parents cease to be an authority.
3. Too frequent bans. When a child is constantly told “no” to any of his requests, his opinion is not listened to. Parents must understand that they cannot only prohibit, they must encourage the child for his achievements. It is important that “no” is no more than “yes”.
4. Angry remarks. Parents should be involved in upbringing, but it is unacceptable to take it out on the child, yell at him, or fill your relationship with negative emotions. Therefore, parents must learn.
5. Excessive demands. When too high demands are placed on a child, they expect from him what he is not capable of achieving.
6. Strictly biased attitude. Parents who do not forgive their child for mistakes do not give a chance for redemption.
7. Comparing your child with others. It is unacceptable to point out to your baby that he is “not like the neighbor’s toddler” or to force him to imitate someone.
8. Inability to admit that you are wrong. The older the baby gets, the more aware he will be of his parents' shortcomings. If mom or dad cannot accept their own mistakes, they will significantly reduce the baby's trust in themselves as a person. Parents need to admit to their child, especially their teenager, that they are not perfect, no one is.
9. Hypocrisy. A situation when parents prohibit doing something, but they themselves violate this prohibition. For example, when mom doesn’t allow you to talk on the phone while crossing the road, but she does it herself.
10. The child does not have the right to vote. A situation when a child’s opinion is simply ignored, he is not listened to, his desires and needs are not taken into account, and he is provoked to stop respecting his parents.

Characteristic manifestations

The fact that a child does not respect his father or mother can be manifested by various behavioral features:

• refuses to do housework;
• deliberately stains everything;
• steals money;
• invites friends to the house and even throws parties when no adults are present;
• uses profanity when communicating with parents, insults them;
• takes cosmetics and clothes of parents without permission;
• extorts money;
• idle, does not want to do anything;
• does not care for a pet, if any;
• interferes in the personal life of his father and mother.

If you are familiar with such manifestations, then you need to understand that a certain share of the blame lies on your shoulders.

What to do

If you have ever heard the phrase “I don’t respect my mother,” then you probably have a desire to know how to behave in such a situation, how to change this child’s attitude.

1. Set a goal for yourself and follow it. No matter how difficult it may be when communicating with a child, you need to understand that you dream of him being happy. You need to believe that the baby is, in fact, a responsible and good person. Ignore failures and stress. Remember what you want your baby to be. Before saying anything to a child, you need to think carefully and weigh everything, because sometimes it is words that deeply wound the child’s psyche.
2. No matter what, you must have a positive attitude towards your child. Convince yourself that the baby is initially kind and good. When communicating with a child, a parent should not forget about his essence; he can directly talk about how he wants to see him in order to achieve interaction.
3. There must be an understanding that you and your baby have equal rights.
4. There is no need to be afraid of collisions, or worry that sooner or later the child will declare that he feels hatred or wants to run away from home. You must understand that fears materialize. In addition, children often resort to this method to manipulate, force their parents to do what they need, even blackmail. You don’t need to unquestioningly fulfill all the child’s demands, you need to be able to fight back.
5. Learn to trust your baby, entrust him with a responsible task. This will help get rid of unnecessary lies in relationships. However, if you deliberately ask your child unnecessary questions or concentrate your negative attention on him, deception cannot be avoided. For example, you should not ask “have you cleaned up your room?”, it is better to say “I would like to see how beautiful your room has become.”
6. Be on the same page with your son or daughter, treat their desires and hobbies normally, if necessary, remember yourself at their age and don’t say phrases like “I couldn’t afford that at your age.” Look for common topics of conversation, indicate your interest in the child’s problems, and provide support.
7. Respect the baby. Act in his interests, explain your actions, comment on your prohibitions. There is no need to think that he is too small and does not understand anything.

How to teach respect

1. Teach your child gratitude. This is an important guarantee of respect. The problem is that some children do not appreciate the efforts that parents make in raising them. They take parental care for granted. For example, two situations. The first is a teenage boy running away from home because no skates were bought for him. He believes that his parents do not love him and do nothing for him. This is despite the fact that he has absolutely everything that a teenager needs, and the videos were not purchased largely due to the risk to his health. And another case is a poor family in which a child is growing up. The kid sees how hard his parents have to work, everything so that he can eat normally, sees how they give him the last piece of bread. He is grateful to them for this. Growing up, such a person remembers all his life how his parents took care of him.
2. When your child does not notice at all what you do for him, this is also your fault. When we begin to fulfill every whim of our baby, we deny ourselves many things just to make him feel good, we are simply raising a spoiled person who will not appreciate anything and will believe that this is how it should be. It is unacceptable for parents to put their own interests below the needs of the child. If a mother does not have the opportunity to buy new boots for herself, and she wears ones with holes, then she should not think that she can spend another winter in them, just to buy her son a new console. Another situation is when parents shower their child with things and gifts in order to compensate for their absence when they spend a lot of time at work. You just need to understand that material objects cannot replace true love. Don’t be surprised if the child starts making trouble, lying, hysterical, or doing anything just to get attention. It is not the best situation when parents are absolutely indifferent to their child. The child grows up with a feeling of uselessness and uselessness.
3. We teach the child to care. You probably won’t be surprised by the situation when a teenager’s mother gets sick, and he is unable to give her a glass of water. Or a small child, being next to a sick parent, demands that he get up and play with him. The task of parents from early childhood is to accustom their baby to care. Let him help with the housework, help cook, spoon feed his mother. There is no need to be afraid that there will be a revolution in the kitchen or that you will be forced to spend too much of your time in order to monitor the process of preparing food with your child’s hands. Instilling care from the cradle will have a positive impact on the process of growing up and becoming a person. And there is no need to scold the baby if he spilled half the tea while bringing it to you, otherwise the desire to show care will very quickly disappear. Let the baby become responsible from childhood, and let you be calm about his mistakes, because he is still just learning.
4. We instill in the child a love of work. The mother should arrange the process in such a way that during cleaning the child helps her at least a little around the house, for example, wiping off the dust or helping to wash a few dishes. Show your child that before you can relax and sit down to watch a cartoon, you need to work hard. Explain to your child that in order to keep the house clean and comfortable, you need to make an effort and this should not be done only by the mother. You can also distribute areas of responsibility between the children, for example, assign someone to water the flowers, someone to wipe the dust, someone to wash the dishes after the cat.
5. Parental example. You need to understand that your child will not develop respect for you if you yourself are disrespectful to other people. Remember that children adopt our behavior model; they copy our actions. You can’t demand from a child not to spit from the window if dad does this, you can’t scold your daughter for walking around the house in dirty clothes if mom behaves the same way. After this, it will not be surprising if you hear the phrase “I don’t respect my father and mother” from my child. Remember that children copy not only the positive aspects of their parents, but also everything they see. Don't forget that they are your mirror image. Understand that a child may behave disrespectfully if he does not see a worthy example of behavior. Learn to maintain your authority and be worthy of respect. It is also important that there is mutual respect between parents, otherwise they will fall in the eyes of the child.

Now you know what to do if your daughter or son does not respect you. Remember that the characteristics of upbringing are of great importance in the development of such an attitude. We must not forget that parents themselves set an example for their child. Spend time with your child, teach him to take care of loved ones and help others.