Some people feel that they sometimes or often have a burning desire to be alone. Even with the person you love good friends, with their own children - yes, yes! break up for a while. What is it: a normal command of the heart for any adult or some kind of psychological pathology? How to respond to this desire: support it or act exactly the opposite? To know the solution to this dilemma, it is necessary to look into the root of desire itself - where does it come from and where does it lead?

Where does the desire to be alone come from?
What to do with the desire to be alone: ​​to realize or, on the contrary, to avoid?
Why is some time important to some people? be alone?
How to react if not me, but "a girl / guy wants to be alone"?
Is it possible that I simultaneously I want more intimacy, and at the same time I need more time to be alone?

This article is aimed at two types of readers. Firstly, for those who sometimes seek to be alone, but think about whether this is normal, and, secondly, for those who complain about such "strange" behavior of another person, are surprised or even reproached for it. After all, being alone is not so easy: husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, friends, parents, children - there will always be someone who will say: "You don't love / don't respect / don't want to see me /..." and, as a continuation, "I was offended / I myself don't want to see you again / you don't need me /..." (underline as necessary or add your own version). Therefore, it is highly desirable to read this article together, or at least recommend it to anyone who is experiencing difficulties either with their own desire "I want to be alone", or with a similar desire for their loved one.

And now - simple truth life. Yes, in fact, the desire to be alone - fine There is nothing painful or bad about this.

But it happens not to everyone in the world, but only to 5% of the world's population. And, normally, - it is shown from time to time. Moreover, this desire really needs to be filled - that is, allowed to be in "saturated" loneliness: when there is silence, peace and absolutely no people around.

Who are these 5%? All of them are sound. Of course, any introvert sometimes wants to be alone, there are four such vectors in system-vector psychology. However, loneliness takes on a completely different meaning in the case of a soundman.

"Today I want to be alone" - sound vector keyword

The sound vector is naturally assigned to think about the universe, answering all the questions "why?" that arise in his head. To know oneself, one's mental, subconscious, is the thing for which he was born. Therefore, it is very important for a sound person to have the possibility of "concentrated" loneliness - a short period of time when he can think about all this with concentration.

If we don't go as planned, we start having problems. Headaches roll over, as if hinting that you are doing something in vain. At some point, depression comes, and even suicidal thoughts. Forcing yourself or a loved one to be in society all the time, to deal with everyday problems, remember that this can lead to the opposite effect.

I want to be alone - how to put it into practice?

In real life, it is difficult for some people to realize their desire to be alone, especially if it sharply arises right now and suddenly. If you are the mother of a baby, or the manager of a large company with a whole crowd of subordinates, it is very difficult to get up and just go into a quiet room. However, if you think about it, you can always find a way out of the situation.

In a couple, in a family, it is easiest to achieve the right effect. Openly and truthfully explain to your partner why you want to be alone - try to convey the desires of the sound vector (alternatively, let me read this article). It only at first glance seems that an emotional spectator is not a match for a closed sound engineer. In fact, the opposite is true, and if a couple is created, love is formed between people, then this is the right relationship and you should not spoil them with mutual reproaches.

It will be a huge delusion to think that if two people are in love, then they must be inseparable together. They simply complement each other, but do not repeat. And all the unique desires that are different can be realized on the side - the main thing here is to find a middle ground. For example, visual emotions can be filled in the theater, at the cinema, at a party, and go there not with a loved one, but with friends. At the same time, the sound engineer will be able to collect his thoughts.

It is very important to have the opportunity to relax for sound mothers, especially for very small babies. Shouts, the constant demand for attention - all this exhausts the sound vector, more and more forms the only desire "leave me all alone!" This is how such a phenomenon arises as postpartum depression, detachment from one's own children. To avoid such a scenario, it is important to immediately organize the opportunity for the sound mother to have at least a small, but the opportunity, to be alone. There is nothing wrong with this, and this does not mean at all that she is a bad mother - after concentrated loneliness, she will return to her duties with even greater zeal.

At work and at school, in communication with friends or parents, in any team, it is harder to achieve the desired rich loneliness. And here the person with the sound vector himself must apply his intellect to find a solution how to ensure silence and disconnection from everyday problems.

I want to be alone - sound-visual mood

Now in big cities there are many polymorphic people who combine two vectors: sound and visual. An amazing combination makes a person. There will be everything: emotional buildups, tantrums, and an acute desire to be alone. Such a person can simultaneously demand increased love attention from his partner, and at the same time repel him, say that he is stifled by too close communication. Contrararity of two vectors leads to confusion in the soul and misunderstanding of both oneself and one's partner. As a rule, the visual vector is suppressed by the dominant sound vector and "breaks" out in a person rarely, but strongly - including tantrums.

Sound-visual people need to learn to separate their desires for emotional communication and introverted, sound content through abstract thinking. Having managed to do this, a lot of desires open before a person, among which "I want to be alone" is only a small fraction of desires.

Knowing himself, his mentality, a person with a sound vector stops having a headache, depression and thoughts of suicide do not come to him. The more he is engaged in his direct mission, the less he needs "concentrated" loneliness - the more he wants to be with other people, communicate and learn about the world through others.

The article is written based on the materials of the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan. We invite you to attend trainings on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. The introductory part of the lectures is absolutely free and available to everyone at

Love does not lie on the road like a stone; it must be created like bread; it must be constantly recreated and recreated.

There are people with deep souls, like the ocean, in which you want to plunge. And there are people who are like puddles that need to be avoided in order not to get dirty.

Live the way you want. Breathe air, drink water, eat fruit. And enjoy the experience.

From time to time, a person does not interfere with being in silence and loneliness - this has its own charm.

How I wish I didn't lose you
Look into your eyes and enjoy.
At the same time, freezing, to understand
That you and I might not have met.

Sometimes you need a glitch in the system and a step to the touch in the dark,
And sometimes - to stay not with those, in order to finally understand who they are.

How sometimes you want to know that everything is not in vain.

What a pity that the memory can not be killed.
She alone ruins our lives.
How painful it is to remember everything and live ...
With the ridiculous phrase "Time heals"!

It takes courage to live the life you want.

I want peace and quiet. Measured current seconds, hot tea and books: favorite or still unfamiliar, atmospheric and whimsical. I want lace words and falling leaves of emotions. I want beautiful stories with a bit of sadness. Would dissolve in this melancholy, lose a couple of happy nights.

Few people like being alone. It is depressing and depressing. We always try to be in any kind of society. It doesn't matter which one. The main thing is that silence does not completely surround us. After all, society plays a huge role in our lives. It educates us, guides us, influences us throughout our lives. And breaking away from this familiar circle can be quite difficult for us. But sometimes society becomes too much. Then a person wants solitude, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Loneliness. Everyone perceives it as some kind of failure or deprivation. After all, if a person is lonely, then he constantly loses. The winner cannot be alone. Around him are always friends, relatives and acquaintances. And if a person is lonely, then something is wrong with him. But this is not true. Many people seek to be alone. For example, you are a big boss. You have calls and meetings all day long, even in a traffic jam you are talking to someone. I am sure that when you come home, the first thing you want is silence and loneliness.

After all, each person has their own personal space. This is a certain zone of space around you, in which no one is allowed. And you yourself know that the violation of our personal space by others does not bring us anything good. It annoys and angers us, and maybe even causes aggression. That is, nature itself has laid in us a slight craving for being alone with itself. At least in the zone of personal space.

Loneliness helps you think more clearly

We all live in cities and have a great idea of ​​how this huge system works. We are constantly running somewhere: home from work, from acquaintances to friends, from one meeting to another. All these rat races become the reason that we simply do not have time to think. Our head is constantly occupied with thoughts about work, home, calls, etc. Stop. Find at least one day a week when you will be left to your own devices, think only about what you like, and do only what you want. Believe me, devoting a day only to yourself, you will be surprised at your thoughts. After all, it is not for nothing that many masterpieces were created by masters of their craft in solitude. Maybe you suddenly find an extraordinary solution to a long-standing problem. And before you could not solve it, because the head was constantly filled with others. Perhaps you will realize that you are doing something completely different. Is it bad, being alone with yourself, once and for all change your life?

It's easier to see your mistakes

Very often in life we ​​make mistakes, but teamwork blurs the personal responsibility of each. Your project is not moving anymore for a long time? Someone on the team is constantly making mistakes, but you can't figure out who? Try to disengage from the team and work alone. Perhaps you are the person who slows down all the work, and you urgently need to improve your knowledge in some area. Well, or you will just become calmer that you are doing everything right.

Nobody influences your decisions

Let's be honest. Throughout life, someone influences our decisions. First it is parents, then friends, then own family and so on. We hear advice and reproaches all the time. Yes, we are strong personalities, and we always make decisions ourselves. But, albeit unconsciously, society influences our choices. Although not drastically, it can easily shift the vector of our thoughts. Cut yourself off from society for a while. Think for yourself, with your head, without hearing anyone around. Let only silence or your favorite music help you choose. Believe me, this way you will choose what you want.

Loneliness as a synonym for freedom

When you are absolutely alone, you are free. For example, you may be traveling alone on a trip. At first, this idea will seem boring and unattractive to you, because there is no one to even talk to. And on the spot, everything will change dramatically. You get up when you want, eat what you want, go where you want. You don't need to look at anyone. If you wish, you can not leave the hotel at all. You are free to decide and do whatever you want. Then your choice will be only yours and no one else's. You will even begin to feel more confident, because you chose this path and only you are responsible for this choice. And you can talk to anyone on the street.

As you can see, loneliness has many curious sides, and being alone is not so scary. Just try to be alone with yourself and listen to yourself, not everyone around you. But don't become a hermit. Loneliness is good in moderation. After all, man is a social being, and this should not be forgotten.

What are the benefits of being alone?

Is it normal to feel the desire for loneliness or am I a white crow? I would like to sit in silence for at least an hour, so that no one calls and does not touch. Sometimes at work suddenly there is irritation, I want to close my ears and shout: "Shut up! Give me silence!

It’s worse when you come home with the thought of finally giving up and just being alone, and the household is trying to take you to the fullest. At such moments, loneliness - you wait, you want, you crave!

My dream is loneliness

If a person sometimes has a desire to be alone, this is normal. Moreover, for 5% of the world's population, it is sometimes as necessary as drinking or eating. Especially in modern world saturated with information.

Let's figure it out with the help of Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology in the following questions:

Who loves loneliness;

Why does a person experience loneliness;

If a person experiences loneliness, is it necessary to resist;

If I want loneliness, what is the danger of suppressing this desire;

If loneliness requires its implementation, how to do it without harming the psyche.

The root of loneliness

Loneliness is of particular importance for a person with a sound vector. Since childhood, quiet, loving silence and loneliness, he has a negative attitude towards any loud sounds. He is focused on his inner world and thoughts, in order to later convey an understanding of his clues in ideas.

Night is his favorite time. It's best to think at night. So, after sitting all night with his thoughts and ideas, he cannot get up in the morning. It is about him that they say - an owl.

Due to sensitive hearing, he does not like noisy companies. Therefore, already in kindergarten and school, loneliness becomes his constant companion. Or a society with the same sound person, with whom you can just be silent.

His strongest desire is to understand how the world works, why we exist and whether there is a point in all this. But often this desire is at an unconscious level.

This desire may play a role in his choice of profession. The owner of the sound vector is a thinker, poet, philosopher, musician, programmer, scientist who studies the structure of the atom or the depths of space. There are a lot of professions where an abstract and extraordinary mind gives an advantage in solving riddles.

Why does he feel lonely?

Constant loud noises and fuss around make it difficult to concentrate on thoughts. It's impossible to get used to it. Gradually, the sound engineer feels tired from communicating not only with friends, but also with relatives. He begins to pursue a strong desire for loneliness.

Being alone in silence is becoming increasingly difficult, because you need to go to work, communicate with friends and family. And if there is also a relationship with a loved one? There is no time to give up and think about questions about the universe and the knowledge of oneself, one's "I". The inner desire to leave and be alone grows.

No amount of love, money or respect can fill the needs of a sound intelligence. Important role plays and his egocentrism. Often it becomes an obstacle on the way to development and knowledge - when a person focuses directly on himself. This leads to even greater separation from others, which in turn leads to a desire to be alone, but with a depressive context. Loneliness will seem like the best way out.

This stress from the need to meet the standards of behavior grows and leads to a misunderstanding of one's role in society, one begins to be torn apart by a feeling of loneliness and uselessness, because for some reason others live and are happy, they are not tormented by these constant searches for themselves.

The desire for loneliness is a signal

In the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, it is clearly seen: when a person does not strive for what nature has given him, problems of a different nature begin. Similarly, excessive loneliness, withdrawal into oneself gradually immerse a person in bad states. A strong tension grows inside, and this can lead to sleep disturbance, up to permanent insomnia.

Another bell - frequent headaches, migraines. The body, as it were, hints that the sound engineer is doing the wrong thing and wasting his potential in vain.

This is reflected in relationships in a couple or with loved ones. People around cannot understand his desire. He needs solitude, and attempts to explain stumble upon statements: “You don’t love me!” - to the point of hysteria. Or another option - a suspicion of treason, reaching unreasonable jealousy and constant checks. “Why else would he need to be alone?”

Such situations exacerbate the situation even more. From this, the desire to be alone only increases. A person wants to hide from the annoying world, but this only further distances him from realizing his potential and can lead to severe depression or suicidal thoughts.

How to fulfill the desire to be alone

Of course, in real life, the desire to be alone is not easy to fulfill due to many reasons related to work or family. But there is always a way out. The main thing is to think well. We are talking about mental health.

If a person works in a large team, and loneliness requires its own, you need to ensure silence and retire for at least 20 minutes. This will give you the opportunity to gather your thoughts, think about the important. The working day will pass in a more relaxed atmosphere, and loneliness will recede after such a little mental concentration.

The same applies to moms with a sound vector. Especially if the children are infants. Due to the cries of the baby and the constant care of him, the sound mom can experience postpartum depression. She is hurt by the feelings that she experiences, she is seized by strong despair, and loneliness for her will be like something very desirable.

In order to prevent such a situation, you need to organize even a small opportunity to be alone. Such short loneliness will give strength, and she will return to her duties with much more zeal. Her feeling of loneliness and incomprehensible longing will recede for a while. More significant relief comes from understanding the essence of the sound vector, what exactly happens to it.

Share the loneliness with your loved one

If you are in a relationship, things are much easier. Try to explain why you feel loneliness, try to convey this desire, say that you need loneliness. You can find the golden mean.

If your significant other wants to go to the movies with friends, then you can stay at home and collect your thoughts. You can go for a walk in the park together and just keep quiet, sit next to each other. This has its own charm and a certain spiritual closeness. Having thus filled your sound voids, you will want to communicate.

Now, without the help of a psychologist, you can recognize your condition, sort out your problems, and understand the reasons for feeling lonely. With the help of system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, you can change the state through understanding yourself and other people, find your place and understand hidden desires. Then it will not be necessary to use the "poultices" described earlier. The results of many people prove it.

“...Now I realized that we are nowhere without communication. Without people... why me then? Who is everything for? I want to work with them, communicate, benefit!
... There was a time (a year, probably, maybe more) when I did not want to see people, to dress beautifully. Went to work in jeans and a sweater. Not feeling like a woman. I am not me, I am it. But a few days ago the desire to dress beautifully came, I put on a dress and I can’t get out of it))). I feel beautiful, feminine, desirable ... "

“…This world is here. He is real! And the meaning of life is also here, and you need to look for it only here! Not alone, but among other people! He is in us and for everyone he is his own! And everyone has their own search. I think I'm in the right place. I want to enjoy this life, hear the sounds of birds, hear how this earth rotates and know that everything is not just here. That we all do not just walk and live. That everything and everyone has their own purpose and meaning in the existence of everyone on this earth! Maybe this is the very answer about the meaning that you are always looking for? How do you think?.."

Register for a free online training in system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan.

The article was written using materials from online trainings on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan

often read

For girls staying long time in a relationship, there is often a desire to move away from the partner a little. However, you should not be afraid of such behavior: this is not necessarily a “bell” that she is. It’s just that sometimes your partner needs an emotional “reboot.”

Alone, a girl can calmly think over a lot of questions and find answers to many of them. Especially often sensitive and creative natures want to be alone with themselves. If the girl does not get the desired privacy, this may result in a scandal or quarrel.

The desire to be alone can also be a signal to a partner that not everything is in order in a relationship. Perhaps this need is just a way to get your attention. Try to take a closer look at the behavior of your passion and understand whether it is simulated and whether the lady really wants solitude. There is a real chance that by expressing such a desire, the girl simply expects you to take a decisive step that will bring something new into the relationship.

If a girl’s desire to be alone arises at the very beginning of a relationship, this may also have its own reasons that are not related to you. Firstly, your chosen one may be. People of this type sometimes need loneliness to restore psychological balance.

Secondly, many girls are very prone to hormonal surges. Depending on the phase of the menstrual cycle, the behavior of your chosen one can vary greatly. Also, a girl may not want to show you her hysterical nature during PMS, and therefore tries to survive it on her own.

Seclusion due to serious circumstances

Sometimes girls want to be alone for a reason. This desire can be an alarming sign. There is a possibility that your chosen one needs privacy to make a difficult but necessary decision.

For example, a girl could meet with one (or several) young man in parallel with you for some time. Having “tested” the available options, she wants to go “into the shadows” for a while in order to analyze everything and make her choice. Another similar situation: on the horizon appeared her ex-boyfriend who offers to start the relationship anew. If the feelings have not cooled down completely, the girl will want to retire and think everything over carefully.

However, the desire to be alone does not at all signal that your passion is a “multi-station”. Perhaps, in her opinion and feelings, relations with you are gradually coming to a standstill. To understand her feelings for you, to assess their seriousness and desire to continue the relationship (or terminate it), a girl may need privacy.

It is very difficult to understand what situation has developed in your couple. A frank conversation or some decisive step of yours can help. It is not worth denying a girl privacy - this can provoke a quarrel and aggression, an unnecessary quarrel. Remain calm, let the lady be alone, recuperate and make the necessary decision.