It was customary for Russian nobles of the 19th century to send their offspring to closed educational institutions, where they strictly followed the ethics of their upbringing. As a result of such psychological isolation and lack of communication with the opposite sex, the pupils developed purity of feelings, a rather serious attitude to life and a completely different efficiency of study.

It is clear that now, in the era of the Internet and mobile communications, general anarchy and nuclear weapons, the idea of ​​closed education that limits privacy will seem to many ridiculous and awkward, like the skeleton of a prehistoric lizard. But there are also supporters who consider these ideas progressive, arguing that such a measure will contribute to the desire of the younger generation to learn. And this, in turn, will significantly increase the level of morality and education among young people and, in general, in the country.

You can agree with these arguments, you can just laugh at them. But the question of how to combine love and study is relevant for many young people. And if it is not relevant, then it means that they have already made their choice by choosing one thing.

They say that if love is real, then wings grow behind your back, giving new strength and a desire to reach new heights, to achieve better results. But the fact of the matter is that young people, due to their inexperience, mistake simple passion or love for love. Wanting to seem more mature, they plunge headlong into the world of feelings, forgetting about everything in the world. And then head over heels and study, and parents with their endless notations, and grandiose plans for the future.

Only time will help in this situation. As a rule, falling in love, with its violent passions and emotions, ends just as quickly. And if the feelings are real, then people will take their studies seriously. After all, in our time you will not be full of love alone. Conclusion: share love and study. And the time that is intended for study, no matter how you want it, give it to study. Years later, you will have a specialty and confidence in the future.

Students with experience advise the first year or two of study at the institute to give all the best, "working on the record book." Having thus gained a positive reputation as an excellent student, it will then be possible to devote more time to personal life. Now the record will work for you, provided that you do not abandon your studies completely. Try to meet with your loved one not daily, but on certain days. This, by the way, will be useful for feelings and for study.

Take a closer look at the object of your love. Are you really dear to him or does he (she) flirt right and left? Doesn't it hurt to just talk about plans for the future, are you looking in the same direction? Sometimes it is worth listening to the opinion of parents. In any case, they also have the right to their point of view regarding your chosen one or chosen one.

Of course, there is no universal advice. But, if you value your loved one, delve into his affairs, be interested in studies or work, ask for help with your studies, for example, go to the library together or complete some task. Believe me, you will recognize a person from the other side, and maybe you will discover his new qualities. If you are ready to be together all your life, then “making love”, believe me, is not the most important thing. More important is understanding, respect for each other, common interests.

The ancients called love "the gift of the Gods" and cherished it very much. In our age of super-powerful speeds, now you rarely meet real feelings, true love. And if you are one of those lucky ones, let love be the sun in your life, helping you overcome difficulties, strive for your dream, for your happiness.

Question to a psychologist

Good day. I am 20 years old, I am in my 3rd year at the university, I have no children, I am not married. My problem is this: I studied perfectly at school, it turned out to combine relationships and study. When I entered the university there was no relationship, so I successfully completed 2 years of study, but in the 3rd year I fell in love with a young man and everything went awry. He works very far from me, so we rarely see each other (now several days a month). Every free minute we call back, we correspond. But the fact is that I began to notice behind myself that I only think about him. I don't care about my studies (even though it's my dream to get a higher education). I tried not to think about him, at least during classes, but, unfortunately, nothing comes out of it! I don’t know how to deal with this, it scares me a lot, because I want to graduate from the university, but I also want everything to be fine with the guy, because we love each other.

Hello Ekaterina!

The state in which you are now is called falling in love. During this period, certain areas of the brain responsible for criticism, for rational thinking are suppressed - in a word, lovers become stupid. He becomes more vulnerable, open, I want to be with the object of love all 24 hours, to be only near and all thoughts are only about him, about my beloved. In principle, at least once in a lifetime, everyone has experienced such a state. This is a wonderful time that is remembered for a long time, and if you do not overdo it, do not fall into love addiction, then there is nothing wrong with that. The fact is that falling in love is short-lived, the period of its flow is a maximum of three years, but sometimes it does not reach even six months. Further, feelings stabilize, lovers become calmer, more rational about separations, they understand that in addition to a partner, there are other people and things in the world, etc. So by the end of the training, you will be able, if necessary, to fully concentrate on your studies, at least in such crucial moments as sessions and exams.

Ekaterina, relax and enjoy this period, this is the resource that sometimes energizes for life. The main thing is that you don’t need to “dissolve” in another, try to remain yourself. A relationship with a guy does not depend on how many hours a day you think about him.

Sincerely,

Furkulitsa Elena Kuzminichna, psychologist Chisinau

Tell me what the student needs? Love was sought and not found... Only a couple of sweet dreams, Love was lost and not cherished... Wine is a unique delight, Divine first love. "Love does not exist!" - He was given the science to gnaw granite, people said, To know the unknown secrets of the world, and themselves ... A huge world is open to him. Be invited to the life of the feast. … were dying of love!!! Study, native student, study! Rake more knowledge with a shovel. And be proud of your personal accomplishments. We are all with you. Know about it!

Many students ask themselves: what is more important - love or study? is it possible to combine? But they never find an answer to their question. Of course, each person is free to make his own decision, he must understand for himself what is more significant and important for him. But the main thing, having made a decision, do not regret it. Let's try to objectively look at the situation, weigh all the pros and cons and find a worthy solution.

Love: 1. Without love, a person is lonely, he lacks real emotions, experiences, happiness. 1. Without love, a person is lonely, he lacks real emotions, experiences, happiness. 2. Love is always a positive feeling, the desire to take care of someone helps a person cope with difficult situations. 2. Love is always a positive feeling, the desire to take care of someone helps a person cope with difficult situations. 3. Love makes a person self-sufficient. 3. Love makes a person self-sufficient. 4. Love helps the personality develop. 4. Love helps the personality develop. 5. Many poets sang about love, saying that without it, life itself is empty and featureless. 5. Many poets sang about love, saying that without it, life itself is empty and featureless. 6. Love supports a person's faith, reminding him of forgiveness. 6. Love supports a person's faith, reminding him of forgiveness. 7. A loved one will never leave you without help in a difficult situation, you will have a reliable shoulder and your own vest in which you can cry. 7. A loved one will never leave you without help in a difficult situation, you will have a reliable shoulder and your own vest in which you can cry. 8. Adrenaline and "magnetic" current generated at the sight of a loved one will give a sea of ​​unforgettable sensations.. 8. Adrenaline and "magnetic" current produced at the sight of a loved one will give a sea of ​​unforgettable sensations. mind-blowing intimate relationships. 9. Do not forget about the magnificent, mind-blowing intimate relationships.

Study: 1. Study always brings new knowledge, broadens the horizons of a person. 1. Study always brings new knowledge, broadens a person's horizons. 2. Studying helps to decide on a profession, to find your calling in life. 2. Studying helps to decide on a profession, to find your calling in life. 3. Education teaches people to be organized, responsible, plan their lives, which allows them to achieve their goals more quickly. 3. Education teaches people to be organized, responsible, plan their lives, which allows them to achieve their goals more quickly. 4. Studying makes a person intellectually developed, which, in turn, helps him find the right solutions to difficult situations, emerge victorious from any conflicts. 4. Studying makes a person intellectually developed, which, in turn, helps him find the right solutions to difficult situations, emerge victorious from any conflicts. 5. Study makes a person wiser. 5. Study makes a person wiser. 6. Study has an irreversible effect on the thoughts and deeds of a person. 6. Study has an irreversible effect on the thoughts and deeds of a person. 7. Studying helps a person to get comfortable in life, achieve success, earn money to meet their needs. 7. Studying helps a person to get comfortable in life, achieve success, earn money to meet their needs.

My opinion is very simple: I believe that true love of learning is not a hindrance. But you need to be able to harmoniously combine love and study. In life, everything should be in equal proportions, because if something is more and something is less, it only brings a person inconvenience. My opinion is very simple: I believe that true love of learning is not a hindrance. But you need to be able to harmoniously combine love and study. In life, everything should be in equal proportions, because if something is more and something is less, it only brings a person inconvenience. And the most interesting thing is that love affects people in completely different ways. Some, falling in love, completely forget about their studies - the relationship with their loved one is more important to them. And for others, love, on the contrary, helps to learn, because when you love, you are in a state of spiritual uplift, inspiration, it seems that you can move mountains. And the most interesting thing is that love affects people in completely different ways. Some, falling in love, completely forget about their studies - the relationship with their loved one is more important to them. And for others, love, on the contrary, helps to learn, because when you love, you are in a state of spiritual uplift, inspiration, it seems that you can move mountains. The main thing is: you can not sacrifice either one or the other. These are different, but equal concepts in their significance. Both love and study are worthy of your attention. The main thing is: you can not sacrifice either one or the other. These are different, but equal concepts in their significance. Both love and study are worthy of your attention.

The conclusion is simple: you need to distribute your time so that it is enough for both study and love, you just need to do it right ..... And if someone does not have enough time for everything, then you will have to make a choice, weighing the pros and “against” .. I would like to give a little advice for the future, or rather parting words ..

Fall in love (!), but follow some rules: 1) First, do not listen to anyone's instructions. After all, the best teacher is your heart. Listen to it, and it will tell you how best to proceed. 1) First, do not listen to anyone's instructions. After all, the best teacher is your heart. Listen to it, and it will tell you how best to proceed. 2) Do not argue with your parents: just listen to their instructions with understanding, making the sweetest eyes, and continue to fly on the “pink clouds of love” yourself. 2) Do not argue with your parents: just listen to their instructions with understanding, making the sweetest eyes, and continue to fly on the “pink clouds of love” yourself.

3) If the thought "about him or her" has become obsessive and prevents you from studying, think about the fact that smart people are more popular with the opposite sex. Good conclusions can be drawn from this. 4) Learn, communicate, work, but never stop loving, no matter who, most importantly, LOVE! After all, it is thanks to this feeling that “hormones of joy” are released - endorphins that give you smiles, good mood, and even health! Good luck!!!

Love:

• 1. Without love, a person is lonely, he lacks real emotions, experiences, happiness.

• 2. Love is always a positive feeling, the desire to take care of someone helps a person cope with difficult situations.

• 3. Love makes a person self-sufficient.

• 4. Love helps the personality develop.

• 5. Many poets sang about love, saying that without it, life itself is empty and featureless.

• 6. Love supports a person's faith, reminding him of forgiveness.

• 7. A loved one will never leave you without help in a difficult situation, you will have a reliable shoulder and your own vest in which you can cry.

• 8. Adrenaline and "magnetic" current generated at the sight of a loved one will give you a sea of ​​unforgettable sensations..

• 9. Do not forget about the magnificent, mind-blowing intimate relationships.

Studies:

• 1. Study always brings new knowledge, broadens a person's horizons.

• 2. Studying helps to decide on a profession, to find your calling in life.

• 3. Education teaches people to be organized, responsible, plan their lives, which allows them to achieve their goals more quickly.

• 4. Studying makes a person intellectually developed, which, in turn, helps him find the right solutions to difficult situations, emerge victorious from any conflicts.

• 5. Study makes a person wiser.

• 6. Study has an irreversible effect on the thoughts and deeds of a person.

• 7. Studying helps a person to get comfortable in life, achieve success, earn money to meet their needs.

• My opinion is very simple: I believe that true love of learning is not a hindrance. But you need to be able to harmoniously combine love and study. In life, everything should be in equal proportions, because if something is more and something is less, it only brings a person inconvenience.

• And the most interesting thing is that love affects people in completely different ways. Some, falling in love, completely forget about their studies - the relationship with their loved one is more important to them. And for others, love, on the contrary, helps to learn, because when you love, you are in a state of spiritual uplift, inspiration, it seems that you can move mountains.

• The main thing is: you can not sacrifice either one or the other. These are different, but equal concepts in their significance. Both love and study are worthy of your attention.

• The conclusion is simple: you need to distribute your time so that it is enough for both study and love, you just need to do it right.....

• And if someone does not have enough time for everything, then you will have to make a choice, weighing the pros and cons ..

Fall in love(!) , but follow some rules:

• 1) First, do not listen to anyone's instructions. After all, the best teacher is your heart. Listen to it, and it will tell you how best to proceed.

• 2) Do not argue with your parents: just listen to their instructions with understanding, making the sweetest eyes, and continue to fly on the “pink clouds of love” yourself.

• 3) If the thought "about him or her" has become obsessive and prevents you from studying, think about the fact that smart people are more popular with the opposite sex. Good conclusions can be drawn from this.

• 4) Learn, communicate, work, but never stop loving, no matter who, most importantly, LOVE! After all, it is thanks to this feeling that “hormones of joy” are released - endorphins that give you smiles, good mood, and even health!

Question to the psychologist:

Hello, I'm Natalia, I'm 19 years old, I'm a 1st year student.

My young man is a 1st year student at a medical university, he is 19 years old. We've been dating for 3 years.

Background: In the 9th grade, we went to the camp together and everything started spinning there.

We did not have a candy-bouquet period.

In the very first month of our relationship, there were many quarrels (the reason was different characters, so they could not get along with each other, there was no understanding), he wanted to leave, I insisted that this was not an option, you need to outgrow this period, argued that everything will be good.

And indeed, it happened, they lived in perfect harmony for a year and a half. But after that, everything seemed to be "cut off".

He began to communicate a lot with one girl whom he considered his friend.

Of course, I am very jealous and on the basis of this I constantly made scandals.

And one day he could not stand it and said that he was tired of our relationship, tired of me.

He no longer talked about any feelings, because he thought that they did not exist. He offered to take a break (the day before the exam, it was in the 11th grade).

During this pause, he will figure out if he loves me, if he wants a relationship.

At that time I knew that I loved him and agreed to wait.

I was very hurt, because I was afraid that he would completely leave me.

But he insisted that I could leave him myself, because I would like to be alone.

A month passed, during this period I found out that he had cheated on me (the information came from his best friend), and so when the day came to talk, I abandoned the relationship.

He wrote that he wants to be with me and therefore I have to answer the question: "Do I want to be with him?"

I wanted to meet him and ask him the most important question: "Have you cheated on me?".

But he did not listen to me and said: "answer, there will be no talk."

I answered "no".

So another month passed, I began to communicate with another young man, he also communicated with that girl.

But she couldn't forget him.

And already in August, he wrote what I think about it and whether I have something for him.

I answered yes.

We met, I still asked him a question that tormented me for two months.

He said it was complete nonsense and proved to me that it really wasn't true.

He said that he wanted to return, that he loved very much. I could not say this, because I saw how I communicated with another, did not want to spoil the brewing relationship, I was waiting for the moment when I would stop communicating with another young man.

We got off again and everything was very good.

We left for one city, now he is studying to be a doctor, and I am a prosecutor.

Everything would be fine, but then new difficulties began.

For all the time of the relationship, I am constantly changing and I see how he helps me and makes me a good girl.

After the move, he told me every day that he wanted to see an adult and serious girl next to him.

He said that he would not help me, I had to cope on my own.

I tried, for about 2 months nothing came out.

We fought constantly.

And one day he came to me and said that this day spent together was very good, because he spent it with an adult girl.

After that, after reading books, I decided that adult girls pay little attention in order to interest a young man.

I used this method for a week and everything became very bad.

My young man said that I only remember him when I'm bored and after that he spent his weekends only with friends and talked to me "anyhow".

During this week, he apparently got used to living alone and still communicates with me differently than before.

After about a week, I decided to give him 2 weeks so that he changes and begins to communicate well with me.

A week has passed and nothing has changed.

All these two weeks I suffered and made scandals.

I had deja vu, everything happened the same as before the pause.

After a week of my scandals, he began to respond well to my messages.

During these two weeks that I gave, he had tests.

But as soon as I wanted to meet, he had some excuses.

He said that now his first place is studying.

But I said, you find time for friends, why can't you give me a few hours of your free time.

And yesterday I started a scandal.

He said that he did not want a relationship, they interfere with his studies, that it is easier alone.

I asked: "what about friends?"

The answer was: “Sorry, but we need to leave, we need to study, relationships get in the way, it’s easier for one. Sorry. Friends can wait, but there is no relationship. I don’t want to torture you. ".

I understand that he has tests and exams soon, but you can still find time for me at least a little, because in his free time he finds friends, why is that?

On reflection, I realized that he really tried and endured my scandals, at least a little, but he tried to answer me.

Even when I asked him “maybe you want to be alone?”, He missed this question, answered my scandals calmly and with jokes.

I realized that I was very stupid and that I wrote to him in vain, I had to be more tactful and patient, I just had to wait until I passed more exams.

But now I have postponed this decision, we have not parted, we are together.

I said I wouldn't be able to concentrate on my exams.

We mutually decided that we would postpone the issue of parting, we would decide everything after the exams.

Relationships do not interfere with my studies, because my workload is much less.

And now I do not know how to behave with him in communication,

what tactics to develop.

The psychologist Sologubova Ekaterina Alexandrovna answers the question.

Hello, Natalia!

Probably, it is not a secret for anyone what men are most afraid of and what they run from like from fire? This is control and severe restriction of their freedom. As far as I understood from the letter, your boyfriend is against both increased control on your part, and its complete absence. Therefore, it would be correct to find a "golden mean" in this matter.

I understand you perfectly in how difficult it is to “loosen your grip”, especially when you love a young man. I want him to be constantly in the access zone, in your field of vision, so that he does not forget to periodically say how dear you are to him, how important you are, etc. etc. Yes, indeed, it will not be easy to break yourself and “step on the throat of your song”, but you still have to do it (if you don’t want to lose it).

In addition, as I heard, you reproached your boyfriend several times for devoting very little time to you, while finding him for friends. You also mentioned the tantrums that you throw at him from time to time. These are all tactical mistakes that inevitably lead to a break, gradually step by step. Well, they do not like this man and will not tolerate "under any sauce." We need to accept this as a fact, and stop fighting windmills: a lot of effort to spend, but zero sense. By the way, I'm currently watching How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (with Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey). So, in it, the girl decided to conduct an experiment and test the guy, using all the possible mistakes that girls make in a relationship: scandals, calls in the middle of the night, etc. Take a look if you'd like...

In addition, I was alerted by the fact that you have a certain obsession with this young man. This is expressed in the clear chronology that can be traced in the lines of the letter. Such a symbiosis with a guy deprives you of your individuality and hinders your personal development. Indeed, in your relationship, the answer to the question becomes quite obvious: “Which of the two of you really LOVES, and who ALLOWS YOURSELF TO LOVE (and from time to time).”

It should be noted that you started dating very early, I mean, at a fairly early age, without being able (due to self-imposed obligations) to get to know other people as partners better ... And for this reason, too, your young man compares You with older girls ...

People say: “The guy didn’t walk up” ... And this is true. After all, it is very important for a man to go through the stage of polygamy in order to clearly understand what kind of girl he needs, which one will become his life partner. And all this talk about the fact that study interferes with relationships has no basis. Yes, perhaps, during a period of intense love, you can manage to fill up the session ... But, as far as I understand, you have already passed this stage, and the relationship proceeds more or less smoothly, with its ups and downs.

Natalya, I have no right to advise you, but, as an option, it may make sense to act wisely as a woman and give him the opportunity to communicate with other, possibly older girls. Just let it float freely. It will hurt, but at least you won't have to remake yourself and you can be yourself. And it is very likely that after some time he himself will knock on your door (as it was before).

It is up to you to decide what to choose and how to build your relationship, because this is only your life and the mistakes that you make in it will become an invaluable experience that will allow you to better understand and feel your desires in the future.

Natalia, I wish you good luck! Sincerely, psychologist Ekaterina Sologubova.

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