Hello. My name is Anastasia. My situation is incomprehensible. Well, I'll tell you in order, we met the guy, we started dating, everything was fine, well, in other matters, it’s always like that at the beginning of a relationship. But then he didn’t like something and he decided to leave, I was mortified, cried, tried to talk to him, but he didn’t want to. Then for some reason he decided to come back to me, I accepted, but after a while he wanted to leave again, said that he hadn’t walked up yet ... Well, I was again in tears, but I didn’t bother him. Then it so happened that we began to communicate in social . network vkontakte. He wrote that he had a lot of girls (which, as it turned out later, was not true), so I somehow got together to visit a friend (and of course really wanted to see him) (a friend lives with him in the same village)), I told him, and his reaction shocked me, offered to meet, meet me, etc.) then he called me that day to arrange a meeting) well, we met and walked with him. Then he wrote to VK for a long time so that she would come more often and that she wants to measure herself. I didn’t mind, but then he started having problems, and we stopped communicating for a while. in the summer he called me with his parents to the sea, told me not to think long, and then disappeared. later he appeared and wrote that he had a girlfriend, ... I wished him happiness and that's it, I didn't write a word to him myself. He periodically wrote himself, asked how I was doing. And then one fine moment he writes to me and asks about a guy (do I have a boyfriend, I write to him no. He writes again after a few days: hello. Tell me honestly, do you have a boyfriend? I write him a question: why is this interested, and he writes: just say yes or no. I wrote that no. he writes: you have a boyfriend, I found out everything about you. you are now happy with us, well, well. I wrote again that I don’t have a boyfriend .) (I just wrote in VK in the status: happy, and put it: in love). then his girlfriend writes to me, says that I should not go into their family and that he thinks badly of me, I got him, and that I behave like a girl of easy virtue, and that he knows about the correspondence. Says him someone said that I have a boyfriend and he decided to find out for sure. and if I had a boyfriend, he would be glad that I wouldn’t talk about him. I sat in shock ... I wrote to my mother that they live together and that the wedding is coming soon. well, I listened and that's all ... I did not touch them, I suffered in silence, then I ate to build relationships with other guys, but without results, I literally got sick of them, I came angry from meetings, tried to escape from them, etc. ... ... in the end I stopped trying. and just recently, a month or so ago, he wrote to me as if he wanted me back, thought about me, loves that he will not offend anymore, will not leave. well, I agreed. it all started perfectly, he wrote to me that he loved, called, missed, said that people like me are not abandoned. and now I find out the reason for parting with his ex: she became pregnant, and ruffled his nerves, demanded to buy something, and if you say no to her, then in tears, she staged scenes for various reasons. and in the end he could not stand it. She, as he found out, was married, lived with her husband for 3 days and kicked him out, and she had a lot of guys, found out that she smokes, although she hid it from him. then she constantly wrote obscenities to his mother, said that he was a creature and a scum, she was a mother to me, she wished me death and that hell would burn, that I was a creature. he told me all the time that her pregnancy was superfluous, that he didn’t want to return to her ... at that time he suggested that I come to him, introduced me to my parents, met mine, gave me a ring, told me to move to them after school ... that everything will be fine with us, and that I will still sing at our wedding. I spent the weekend with him, he took care of me, made tea, forced me to eat to keep my back straight, we watched films together. and everything was fine. and then this ex appears and says the type does not want to raise the child herself and that he takes his words back. his mood has changed dramatically, and he does not know what to do. I asked: do you want to return to her? he writes no. I ask you love her: he writes where love is, I just did stupid things and I will solve them myself. asked to give him time the next day, he removed me from friends and wrote that for a while, I noticed that he had no fewer friends and that he added an ex. I ask him: have you decided to return to her? he writes: sorry, yes, I cannot live with a stone in my soul. I ask: do you love her? he: what does it have to do with it, my child and I don't need a dash of paternity. and then he writes like I realized that the seed should be whole. and then the phrase killed me: thanks for helping relieve stress. now he has restricted access to VK from me. but I don’t understand why everything has changed so dramatically (I’ve already been told that he was bewitched), I love him and worry about what happened to him. I will be glad if he is happy. but why it all happened I don’t understand. if he wanted to relieve stress, then why me? he has many friends in VK (I was not in them then and he deleted my number). could choose any. why all this was (meeting your parents, care, ring, plans for the future)? Is it really all a game? (A friend says to me that she’s supposedly manipulating him. When she started dating, she found out that I once met him, found out my home address, where my parents work, and generally showed great interest in me.). help me figure it out (((

Twenty eight years old. Beautiful, slender, by no means stupid, adequate behavior. She was not married, no children. Guys, like the devil from incense ...

For twenty-eight years, there was practically no Serious relationships, I really want their serious, husband, family, children. I am tormented ... I got a job, met a guy 6 years younger than me - I really liked it, half a year without sex, spat on everything - slept! After suffering, I wanted to be with him! She left for another city, met another, began to live. Did not work out!

Came back. And now he appears again. He begins to write, look for meetings, say how good it was with me, begins to court and seek me. All this lasted half a year. Movies, cafes, walks. Although, from one correspondence he said honestly that only banal sex could offer me, and that I wouldn’t make plans for it! And so I decided again. Everything happened, passionate sex. And the next day he didn’t answer SMS, didn’t call, didn’t write ... I don’t want to believe that only banal sex can be with me. After all, a whole year passed after the first meeting, sought, courted me, spoke beautiful words, all for what? For sex with me?

Explain to me, please, his behavior.

TAYAN WORDS

All the causes of the problems that cause suffering to a person are rooted in himself. It is necessary to change your previous attitude towards the opposite sex, family, sex and life in general. Twenty-eight years for a woman is a time of fragrance. A favorable moment for the transition to a new level of your inner plan, perception of the world around you, awareness of your destiny, the world of true values. Are you capable of being a wife, mother and lover all rolled into one? If yes, then the law of conformity will not keep you waiting long, all you need is patience on your part and the desire to build the right relationship. Perhaps excessive aggression and an irrepressible desire to achieve by hook or by crook your most cherished goal, scares and even repels your chosen one. Accept what happened. Don't be angry that things didn't go your way. Thank the divine manifestation for this moment of communication. You wanted and achieved this, for more while you lack the ability (to give free of charge, to be grateful, caring, to have a lot of other female benefits). And besides, your young man is young and not ready to marry. Here lies the differences in your views on life together and everyone's concern only with themselves. A responsible and serious person already has a correct understanding of what is happening. If there is self-doubt (and it seems to be present), then there should be time to investigate what causes it. In addition, there was an initial setting: "No obligations."

Now I remember a letter from a young man:

“I'm looking for answers to my questions. The fact is that I am married, I have a good wife, my two children. I am 23 years old, my wife - 30. Everything was fine.
Then I met a girl on the internet. I left my wife. He began to live alone. I told my wife that I no longer love her, that I have another. The matter is going to divorce.
I did not see the girl with whom I spoke on the Internet, only photos and telephone conversations. But there is one thing ...
When I see my wife, a great longing appears in my soul. When she says that she will find herself another, jealousy chokes me. I am very worried about her. I want to return to it, and at the same time I am afraid that this is a fleeting phenomenon.
We lived with her for 6 years. Please help me figure it out. I don’t understand anything what I am doing. ”

This is the approach of an honest man, with the imagination of a teenager who got married too early and who has not studied himself much, does not have enough experience. He needs time. And even if he makes a mistake, it will bear the fruit of the experience. He has the right to do so. Experience entails understanding.

Your situations are similar. Perhaps this is a sample of one of the options for your perspectives in terms of building family relations... And if you are indifferent to this near future, then your partner is trying to prevent or at least temporarily delay the formation of such events.

Your attitude to sex is somewhat alarming. Sexual energy is life energy. It is capable of transformation, permeates and fills everything that exists, giving it one form or another. Its free movement is beautiful. But when it is used as a means of bargaining, a monetary equivalent with the expectation of the terms of the contract "you - me, I - you", then the form of its expression becomes ugly.

By condemning sex, you make it ugly. With this attitude, you should not wait for your meetings to resume soon. You yourself deny them, condemning them. There are no prospects for your transformation of sex into love, since the initial condemnation of a natural phenomenon turns it into a poison that threatens the life of another and yourself, and not into a life-giving and voluptuous nectar.

The resulting anger, despondency, hatred, anger - become an expression of your sexual energy. And the energy field of such a person begins to take on a threatening form. Hence the conclusions from observations: "... they run like the devil from incense."

Here you need to be angry with yourself that you are trying to trade sex for the realization of your goals. And sincere anger at your attitude towards yourself will help you free yourself from your role as an entrepreneur. Anger and bewilderment are signs that love has not yet happened.

Move in the direction of love. And unfavorable symptoms will eventually turn into calmness and joy, and later they will not become positive and negative at all. Everything will become a true ocean of feelings.

Fears and discontent will disappear, there will be a basis for trust and a desire to be near.

This is still to come. And you have to put more energy into love. Don't analyze the behavior of the other. Psychoanalysis will not help here. Dedicate yourself to love. Let her not be easy for you nice word and fantasy. And it will become a holiday, without any plans for the future.

You need to or accept the situation as it is on this moment and laboriously to achieve what you want or, if you are not satisfied, leave it and continue your search.

E there are people who are able to quickly make judgments about certain situations, about people and their actions, without understanding what is happening. But sometimes they themselves cannot even analyze their thoughts or actions. This story is about a man who pushed his wife away in order to save himself. Probably, many immediately thought about how bad he is. Don't rush to judge! Read it and you will understand that nothing is unambiguously correct.

One teacher told a story to children about a cruise ship that wrecked at sea. More precisely, about one married couple that was on this ship. They managed to get to the lifeboat, but there was only room for one person.

At this moment, the man jumped into the boat himself, and his wife remained on the sinking ship. She shouted something after him, and he was already swimming away.

Do you think she yelled at him?

95% of people will say: "I hate you!", "How blind I was!" and something like that.

The teacher asked the same question to the students. And only one of them answered differently.

He replied, "Master, I believe she was shouting: Take care of our child!"

Surprised, the teacher asked, "Have you heard this story?"

The boy shook his head and said, "No, but that's what my mom told my father before she died of the disease."

The teacher said, “The answer is correct. The cruise ship sank. The man returned home, raised his daughter alone. And a few years after his death, their daughter found his diary. It turned out that when the parents boarded the cruise ship, the mother was already diagnosed with an incurable disease. V critical moment the father took this one chance of survival. He wrote in his diary: "I would like to sink to the bottom of the ocean with you, but for the sake of our daughter I could not allow it ...".

The students were silent when the teacher finished the story. The moral is simple: do not make hasty decisions about something or someone, because good and evil are not so simple, they can be difficult to recognize.

And in fact, he did not go anywhere, but hid around the corner and waits for you to rush after him shouting "Darling, come back, why are you doing this to me?" Or don't even come back. Just “For what ?!”, or maybe “Well, you are a brute, however!”. Almost no one is able to control themselves when a relationship ends abruptly and without explanation. Even if we do not want to continue them, we want to talk. Finally. We want to put a full stop, but here it’s not even three dots, here is just a torn off page with the ending. And this will torment us for a long time. A very long time. That is why sudden disappearance is an excellent tool for manipulation: you will drive yourself to a frenzy on your own, trying to understand what happened - and that's all, you can be taken lukewarm. And impose your will on you.

He is a coward

Cowardly men love to wear masks of a "real man" - a brutal laconic macho who is alien to "female things". By "feminine things" he means normal human communication. Which includes conflicts, yes. Conflicts are absolutely normal, but the coward does not understand this precisely because he is afraid. If a coward thinks of himself as an esthete, he will sigh picturesquely, roll his eyes and say: "Oh, women's tears are beyond my strength!" If a coward imagines that he is a tough guy, then through clenched teeth he will throw a contemptuous: "I just did not have enough babe's tantrums!" In fact, he is just very scared. He is terrified of conflict, because he is generally afraid of relationships. He simply does not know how to be in them. Physically present, emotionally - sitting in a burrow, biting his nails and whispering: "How would something happen, eh?"

He is infantile

The bunny boy is like that. The kid may be forty years old, but development stopped at a crisis of three years, so he still behaves this way. Have you ever seen how babies pull their hand out of their mother's palm and, sternly frowning their noses, stomp wherever they suddenly wanted? Silently, of course, and without explaining anything. Because they don't know how yet, and they can't, and they shouldn't - it's too early. Here are some comrades who are tightly stuck at this stage of development, and nothing can be done about it, unfortunately. One can only be glad that he finally left. Because if you still catch up with him and ask why the hell did he do that, then in response you will hear: "What's wrong?"

He is a deceiver

A disgusting type, from a meeting with whom none of us is immune, unfortunately. And it is almost impossible to prevent the situation, because deceivers do not play. They just live and get incredible pleasure from it. If you rush to look for your disappeared sweetheart, you may well find that he is not a busy bachelor, but a happy husband and father of three kids, and his name, by the way, is quite different. And by the way, you'll get off easy if that's the case. Because cheaters rarely use their gift just for fun. Usually they at the same time pull money from gullible women.

He's just a ghoul

Some people prefer to use the expression "energy vampire", but it gives off too mysticism. It seems to us that "ghoul" is a much more capacious word and perfectly reflects the nature of a moral sadist, who, in fact, a ghoul is. He knows that he can return at any moment. He knows he will see you exhausted. And, leaving, he already looks forward to this moment. Om-nom-nom, delicious. Try not to please him, okay?

No, it's not about you

There is not a single really compelling and valid reason that could cause a person to suddenly end a relationship. It is not easy to disappear - for this there are a lot of reasons, unfortunately - but to tear it apart. And you have no reason to regret that he did just that. And there is no reason to engage in self-criticism and wonder what exactly you could have done wrong. Because it's not you. It's about him. And to hell with him.