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The writer Robert Stevenson once said: "Marriage is a long conversation interrupted by arguments." Sooner or later, every couple is faced with a crisis in the relationship, and this is absolutely inevitable. The good news is that by coping with it, spouses take a new level of relationship and find new ways to be happy together.

site I am convinced that there is no need to be afraid of marriage crises: this is an indicator that relations are developing. The main thing is not to give up and look for ways to overcome difficulties. After all, once you promised this person to be together "in both joy and sorrow" - the time has come to prove that these were not empty words. So, here's a list of the most difficult crises for a relationship to be fully prepared.

1 year of marriage. "The stage of awareness"

Outrageous singer Pink herself made an offer to her boyfriend. True, a year later they broke up ... And then they got back together! Now the couple are raising 2 children.

Family therapist Rita DeMaria calls this crisis "Stage of awareness"... It usually comes after 6-12 months of living together. The first charm of falling in love subsides, and you begin to see your partner in real light: with all his weaknesses and not always pleasant habits (which you happily ignored before). “It's time to learn how to work together,” says Rita DeMaria.

What to do?"If you haven't discussed the most important topics before marriage, such as finances, children, visits from relatives, free time, etc., it's time to do it now," advises psychologist Beverly Hyman. It is worth telling each other honestly about your values ​​and priorities. It is likely that they will not coincide on all points, and then a compromise must be sought. At this stage, it is very important to reach firm agreements on the "hottest" issues.

3-4 years of marriage. Dangerous "comfort zone"

The marriage of Madonna and Sean Penn lasted only 3 years, but in their interviews the stars say that they still love each other. Maybe they were in a hurry with the divorce?

A study of 2,000 married British couples showed that after 3 years and 6 months, spouses begin to pay less attention to each other, more often prefer sleep to sex and less often confess their love to each other. A couple enters the "comfort zone": on the one hand, this is a wonderful feeling of security and relaxation, on the other, such unpleasant things as an open toilet door and unkempt household clothes appear. While 82% of married couples surveyed said they were happy with their marriage, 49% wanted their partner to be "more romantic."

What to do? The salvation is to keep the fire going. Compliment and praise each other more often. It's not always worth telling your partner what you think of him or her. Sometimes it's better to remain silent. If you feel that there is a problem, start the conversation gently, without blaming. And, most importantly, look inside yourself, advises family therapist John Gottman. Growth in marriage occurs when each person looks at themselves from the outside and understands how much they contribute (or not) to the relationship.

5-7 years of marriage. "Seven Years Itch"

Friends star David Schwimmer and his wife Zoey Buckman announced a break in their relationship after 7 years of marriage. Fans hope this is only a temporary solution.

In Western psychology, there is even such a thing as the "seven-year itch." This is one of the most critical periods in marriage. By this time, the couple already have a well-established life, established relationships and the spouses mostly interact as if on "autopilot", which is a big mistake, recalls Beverly Hyman. Due to routine, interest and sexual attraction to each other decreases. It seems that you already know everything about each other. The future prospects for marriage are vague. Sometimes couples decide to have a first (or second) child in order to “save” the marriage, but remember that a child is a separate person, not a lifesaver.

What to do? Family Therapist Robert Taibbee suggests the following:

1. Maintain open communication. Less formal "How was your day?" - "Normal", more emotion and sincerity.
2. Solve problems as soon as they come, do not “sweep them under the rug,” where more and more of them accumulate.
3. Listen to yourself. Evaluate your condition periodically, update your list of needs and vision for the future. Share these thoughts with your partner.
4. Discuss your couple's prospects. What are your plans next year, 5, 10 years old? Again, the key here is to be open and honest, not polite and vague.

10-15 years of marriage. "A difficult age

Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green nearly divorced when their romance turned 11. But the couple still found the strength to make peace. Now they already have 3 children.

What to do? Do not move away from each other. Look for new meanings of being yourself as a couple. If the spouses for a long time brushed aside the problems in marriage while raising their children, now that they are alone, the conflicts will only worsen. But there will be time to solve them. This is a great opportunity to reconstruct a marriage. Beverly Hyman writes about this. Coach Steve Siebold recommends not launching yourself, playing sports together, and also creating new goals for the couple: travel, starting a business, language courses - something that will allow you to live a new unforgettable experience together.

Psychologist, an expert on family relations Mort Fertel believes that generally accepted recommendations for saving a marriage, for example, "always share your feelings with your partner" and "visit a psychologist together", do not always work, because they do not explain what exactly is needed make, to overcome the crisis.

1. Save your marriage even alone. It is generally believed that a marriage can only be saved when both partners are willing to work on problems. “The efforts of even one person can change the dynamics of marriage, and very often it is these efforts that motivate the stubborn spouse to join the process of maintaining the relationship,” says Mort Fertel.

2. Don't ask yourself the wrong questions. Don't ask yourself: "Did I choose the right person as my husband / wife?" The Key to Success in Marriage Can't Find the right person, but learn to love the one you have found. Because love is not luck. It's a choice.

3. Separations distance you, not help you get closer. Separation, which supposedly "refreshes" feelings, in marriage (especially during a crisis) can only further alienate you from each other, but your goal is to get closer again.

4. Less talk about problems. Talking about marriage problems does not solve them, but only exacerbates them. This leads to controversy and ill will. Talking about a problem does not mean solving it. Speak little, do a lot. Look for realistic solutions to difficulties.

5. Do not think that the therapist will give you ready-made answers. Psychotherapy sessions help spouses to speak up and understand the other's point of view, but do not answer the question of what is needed make to save the marriage. As a result, some couples remain very frustrated with psychotherapy.

6. Don't tell family and friends about your marriage crisis.
“One of the most important values ​​in marriage is privacy, so talking about your marriage or spouse with family or friends is a mistake. This is a violation of your spouse's confidentiality, and it is wrong, ”says Mort Fertel.

The music stopped, the guests dispersed and Wedding Dress found its place in the closet. Now family life begins. By creating a family, a man and a woman enter into marriage with their own ideas of living together, which to a greater extent developed in childhood, in parental family... Each spouse has his own habits, his own experience, foundations, customs, family traditions. Each of the spouses will strive to bring their own piece to their new family... It will take time before the newly minted husband and wife learn to compromise, understand and accept each other, with merits and demerits.

Metaphorically speaking, family life is reminiscent of the waves of the sea - crises occur at the peak, and periods of calm and adaptation to new changes during the recession. Crises in the relationship of spouses occur on everything life path... And you should not be afraid of them, as spouses need them in order for the relationship to be "alive" and to develop, helping to build the future, and to value each other. So what is a crisis?

A crisis is an inevitable event in reaching a radically new level of development.

Are there ways out of the crisis?

Yes, absolutely. One of which: the transition to a new stage of development and the second - the breakdown of relations. There are also painful exits - in fact, not exits, but Leaving from solving real problems or delaying decision-making: this is treason, addiction, serious illness, etc.

Symptoms of the crisis for which it is necessary to sound the alarm:

• One of the partners or both deviate from intimacy. Sexologists believe that discord in sexual life is one of the first signs of, if not a crisis, then problems in a relationship.
• The so-called calm before the storm: when the spouses stop swearing altogether, but at the same time communicate and spend time together - everyone is on his own. This is dangerous because the spouses will simply lose interest in each other, and it will be better and more interesting for them to spend time with other people.
• Spouses no longer seek to please each other.
• All issues related to the upbringing of children provoke quarrels and mutual reproaches.
• Spouses do not have the same opinion about most of the issues that matter to them (relationships with family and friends, plans for the future, distribution of family income, etc.).
• One of the spouses "withdraws into himself", usually it is the husband. He ceases to participate in solving everyday problems and in the life of the family in general. Often he immerses himself in work, is constantly delayed, behaves distantly.
• A logical consequence of the previous one will be that the wife completely forgets about herself and goes headlong into solving family matters, completely devotes herself to the family and becomes like a draft horse. She works, drags the whole life on herself, takes care of her husband and children.
• Husband and wife have little or no understanding of each other's feelings.
• Almost all actions and words of a partner are irritating.
• One of the spouses believes that he is forced to give in to the desires and opinions of the other all the time.
• There is no need to share your problems and joys with your partner.

The first crisis, what is it?

The first, which psychologists dubbed the crisis of the first year, is associated with a period of mutual "grinding" of newlyweds. The transition from the candy-bouquet period to living together. According to statistics, about half of all married marriages break up after the first year of marriage. Newly made spouses do not stand the test of "everyday life". Disagreements may relate to the distribution of responsibilities, the unwillingness of partners to change their habits. Inability or unwillingness to establish contact with the partner's parents.

The crisis at the birth of the first child entails the emergence of new roles: now not only husband and wife, but also dad and mom. This difficult period is also known as a crisis of 3 years in a relationship, as after three years a child often appears in the family.

The period of 7 years is a "new" round of monotony and routine associated with such a phenomenon as addiction. If the routine of the crisis of 3 years of relations was dispelled by the rallying of spouses in front of new long-term strategic tasks, then by the age of 7 all these questions no longer attract newness and instead of excitement cause melancholy and disgust. It is not uncommon for spouses to feel disappointed when comparing reality with what it was imagined in dreams a few years ago. Spouses begin to think that now all their lives will be the same, they want something new, unusual, fresh sensations. The children have already grown up. By the time a family is 7 years old, it is already a large household and a complex organism: how more people in the family, the more different interweaving, conflicting needs, clashes of interests. A crisis always makes things worse. Therefore, the better the relationship is built, the more firmly you managed to build emotional closeness and learn to negotiate in times of past disagreements, the easier it is to overcome the crisis, and vice versa.

15-20 years pass, the spouses, having gone through the previous difficulties, live enjoying family life floating with the flow and here again a new everyday reef. Which can often be exacerbated by a midlife crisis in one of the spouses. There is a frightening feeling that everything has already been achieved, everything has happened, both in the personal and in the professional sphere, there is a fear of aging ... The next crisis can be conventionally called the "crisis of the empty nest", this is an important period in the life of a family: when adult children leave it. Spouses are deprived of their main "leading" activity - raising children. They must learn to live together again, to pay attention to each other. And women, who were engaged exclusively in children and at home, need to acquire new life tasks and goals. It is not uncommon during this period that husbands leave for young mistresses.

How to overcome the crisis of living together?

If a close relationship has developed between the spouses, if they love each other, that is, respect, value, listen to the opinion of the other, then any conflict is just part of their joint desire for mutual understanding. Don't panic about the crisis. Many families pass them without thinking or suspecting what it is. They simply overcome the difficulties that have arisen. Successful resolution of the crisis is the key to the further development of the family and a necessary factor in the effective living of subsequent stages.

Each crisis is a leap forward, going beyond the boundaries of old relationships. A crisis in a relationship helps spouses see not only the negative, but also the valuable that unites and binds them. Meanwhile, parting is more likely a consequence of a mishandled crisis.

In order to overcome this critical moment in family life you will need the willingness of both spouses, mutual desire and, as usual, patience and support.

If one of the spouses considers divorce as a way out, and the other does not agree with this, it is necessary to take a "time-out". Perhaps the spouses should leave for a while, rest and think (3-4 days, a week) in order to understand themselves, their feelings, desires and aspirations. Think, is everything really so bad, can it really be that all the good things that happened between you can be so easily crossed out? Try to refresh feelings, emotions, diversify relationships, down with dullness and routine. Think about romance, change your hairstyle, style or interior in the apartment, find a new hobby for both of you and do not forget about joint leisure and relaxation. You will always have time to get a divorce, but it is still worth trying to reunite the family.

Another way to deal with a crisis is to see a family counselor. Many people think that intimate conversation with friends in the kitchen can help find a solution, but remember that friends will provide emotional support, but not a way to solve the problem, since their advice comes through the prism of their own life experiences.

Golden rules to help you get through crises in family relationships more easily:

• Learn to talk about the difficulties and problems that have arisen. It is very important to start a conversation on time, not to turn away from the troubles that have arisen, not to accumulate them, not to remain silent.
• Do not generalize, even if you speak in anger, do not cross the line, which you will later regret.
• Talk about your feelings, experiences, do not make claims (instead of "you always ...", "you are to blame ...", say "I feel ...", "it upsets me when you ...").
• If at least one person is scared or is in strong emotional excitement, the situation may get out of control, in such cases you should not aggravate the situation, wait it out, or you need to contact specialists (family psychologists).

You should not be afraid of a crisis, because this is an indicator of the normal development of relations. And all this information will be useful to those who have already entered into a marriage bond or are just planning. Think about it and take care of your loved ones!

How to cope with a family crisis? How to resolve the conflict without consequences? How to prevent the destruction of the family? Read the article.

A family crisis is something that every married couple faces at least once in their life. A family crisis must be handled correctly so as not to ruin the relationship. And even when it seems to you that you can no longer be with a person, do not get excited. It's never too late to ruin a relationship. And how to strengthen them - read below.

Causes of family conflicts

Family conflicts are an integral part of family life. Two people cannot live together and never conflict.

IMPORTANT: But it's one thing when conflicts are fairly rare and quickly resolved. But protracted or even latent conflicts are a serious and dangerous business for the family.

If you are faced with conflicts with your husband / wife, then try to find the reasons for their appearance:

• Unpreparedness for family life. It appears when a couple married hastily or under the influence of circumstances (pregnancy is the most common contingency). The situation leads to the fact that people are simply not ready to put up with each other's shortcomings or are not at all ready to limit themselves to certain family responsibilities (more often arises due to age, in simple terms, "did not walk up"). If there is no strong love, then you will be annoyed by any little things in your partner and family life. The result is a conflict
• The concept of a family, formed from childhood. If one of the spouses grew up in a family in which there were frequent quarrels and conflicts, then the likelihood of the same problems in his family is high. From childhood, a person is laid specific model behavior. Having created his family, he continues to act according to this model.

• Inflated / low self-esteem one of the partners. Inflated self-esteem does not allow one of the spouses to admit his guilt, leads to constant accusations of the partner. And low self-esteem leads either to disrespect for your partner (he begins to allow himself too much), or to constant attempts to assert himself
• Desire for power... When one of the partners is trying with all his might to be at the head and manage all family issues. As a rule, the second of the spouses sooner or later gets tired of being a puppet and demands respect for his opinion. But often it is too late, because the other half will have firm confidence in their supremacy.
• Taking the blame... As soon as you start saying “I am to blame” in any situation, your partner will become bored. So you, of course, will avoid some conflicts, but you will bring on another conflict - lack of interest and desire.

• Lack of interest and desire... Sometimes this is a consequence of the previous cause. And sometimes it appears when one spouse wants something together, and the other does not. As a rule, the wife wants to walk together in the park every evening, and the husband wants to either sit in front of the TV or go to his friends.
• Revenge. As soon as you start taking revenge on your partner, you begin to destroy your peaceful life. Revenge will never resolve the previous conflict, but it will create a new one.
• I am always right / right. A spouse can take such a position, but it will end, rather, with the resentment of the other half. There is no person in the world who is always right

• Irascibility... When resentment arises, a woman or man may show anger and aggression. Don't let this happen. If you feel like shouting out your point of view, do the following. Within 30 seconds, the partner calmly and without humiliation speaks his point of view. At the same time, the one who listens should not interrupt and behave only openly and good-naturedly. For the next 30 seconds, the listener retells the essence of the claim in the same calm tone. Then switch places. This exercise will allow you not to offend each other with angry words and listen to everyone's opinion.
• Selfishness... The selfishness of one of the partners sooner or later leads to resentment on the part of the other. Every person wants to be respected and appreciated. Living with an egoist is difficult. And the saddest thing is that re-educating an egoist is even more difficult.
• Reluctance to help housework. Many men might say that farming is a woman's business. For the most part, yes, but, firstly, men also have their own responsibilities, and secondly, sometimes you can replace your wife in her household chores and give her a rest. Otherwise, instead of a once passionate wife, you will meet a sad housewife at home.

• miscellanea understanding of the responsibilities of a husband and wife... This issue is worth discussing at the beginning of family life. It can take you a long time to understand everyone's thoughts on this issue, during which you will have time to ruin your relationship.
• Different temperament... A sanguine person will now and then try to pull the phlegmatic out of a comfortable home chair. Against the background of the resistance of desires, conflicts will arise
• Financial situation... If your financial situation is long time below what you would like. You will now and then look for the cause of material difficulties. And this will lead to the fact that someone will be to blame

• Sexual dissatisfaction... Men are easier to relate to intimacy, and they have problems with libido much less often. This is how rare sex becomes the cause of conflicts. If the quality of sex does not suit one partner all the time, then the conflict will also mature sooner or later. At best, you will resort to measures to meet each other's needs. In the worst case, one of you will go outside looking for sexual pleasure.
• Bad habits. Smoking one of the partners will sooner or later provoke the other into a conflict. Love for alcohol outside of home holidays will also sooner or later cause family troubles.
• Children. Different views on the upbringing of a child or the unwillingness of a spouse to help his wife with a small child - entails frequent and unresolved conflicts

6 crises of family life by year

In family life, crisis periods can be distinguished by years. Each crisis is associated with one or another circumstance.

IMPORTANT: One of the causes of every crisis is silence... Quiet grudges never resolve conflict

Crisis of the 1st year of marriage.

Read more about the crisis below.

The crisis is 3-5 years.

• For some couples, this is one crisis, and some go through two at once: at 3 and 5 years
• This crisis is associated with the birth of a child. You were able to overcome the first crisis, learned to live together, turn a blind eye to shortcomings
• Having a baby turns your life upside down again. Everything you are used to is changing. You have to rebuild your way of life. If you are used to relaxing with friends every weekend, then with the birth of a child you will have to be at home
• Apart from the lack of entertainment, you will not be able to sleep like you used to, or just act carefree. Each of you will have to limit your desires for the good of the child. You just have to come to terms with it

How survive:

• To get through this crisis, talk to each other about your feelings. It is very important for men during this period to prevent postnatal depression in their spouses. Let the wife take care of herself sometimes
• And the wife, in turn, no matter how offensive she is, should allow her husband to sometimes meet with friends
• Walk more threesome
• If possible, ask your grandmother to replace you for a couple of hours. Go for a walk together and chat as before

IMPORTANT: You have a child. You are happy, albeit tired parents. It's hard for both of you, so support each other instead of reproaching each other.

The crisis is 7 years old.

• The main reason for the crisis is stability and routine
• You have already established your way
• The child goes to kindergarten or school
• You go to work
• Every day is the same as the previous one
• There are no such feelings for each other anymore
• A man often looks for emotions on the side

How survive:

• Stop nagging each other for every little thing (especially for women)
• A woman should take care of herself in order to return the zest to her person
• Make changes to your routine

The crisis is 13-14 years old.

• The teenage child is the main stumbling block
• Different attitudes towards a child's attempt to be outside the home
• Different attitude towards the fact that the child expresses his personal opinion
• The child does not always listen to you
• You don't feel as powerful as you used to.

How survive:

• Since a woman is convulsively worried about her grown child, she will restrict the child from walking.
• A man will help in this matter.
• More often men endure this period more easily and give the child more will.
• You have lived with your spouse for 14 years - trust him
• Think back to your childhood behavior and stop nagging your child

The crisis is 25 years old.

• Children grew up and left home to study or live with their husband / wife
• Silence fell at home
• The spouses do not know where to go next: there is work, the children have grown up and do not need them so much, there is an apartment / house
• A woman's climax makes this period of marriage even more difficult.
• It's hard for a man to be unclaimed
• As a result, the woman becomes depressed, and the man, on the contrary, begins to take care of himself and communicate more and more with young women (this is how he tries to prove to himself that not all is lost)

How survive:

• Your main goal is change. Moreover, the changes must be global
• Take care of yourself together: get fit, ride bicycles, get new haircuts, change your wardrobe
• Change your leisure time: more often go on vacation with friends to the sea or to the mountains
• Start building a house if you don't already have one. And if you already have living space, but you also have money, then expand. Extra meters will come in handy sometime for your children. And joint efforts about the future housing will unite you
• You must add something to your life that will unite you (apart from having dinner at home and watching a movie together on TV)

• More often, such a crisis comes to couples who met little before marriage, or couples under 22 years old, or who got married out of necessity
• You don't know all of each other's cockroaches yet
• At first, you will compare your family life with the one in which you grew up.
• And you will either agree to live like this or not
• Often you will hear phrases like "my parents did this" from each other.
• Dating a person (walking together, having fun) and living together are two different things.
• You will encounter each other's everyday habits: unwillingness to wash the dishes after yourself, unwillingness to help with the housework, unwillingness to keep clean
• Plus, you'll have to keep an overall budget. And your opinions on costs may also differ.

How survive:

• Set the rules straight away
• Discuss how each of you sees life together... Find a general solution. Decide if you will turn to your parents' family
• Don't be silent if you don't like something. This does not mean that you should drink each other at the opportunity. You should explain the complaint to your partner in a calm tone. Otherwise, after a while, when you get tired of tolerating it, your partner will not understand your nagging. After all, before that you "suited"
• Identify a place for parenting advice

Conflicts in a young family

Conflicts in a young family arise for reasons that have already been mentioned above: in the first crisis of family life and a crisis of 3-5 years.

Additionally, you can only add:

• In a young family, the spouses are full of ambition. And sometimes, asking your other half to change your habits or hobbies can affect your ego.
• Of course, some changes still have to come at the birth of a family. But don't let your partner completely overhaul you.
• In young families, offensive words can be heard more often. This is all due to the same affected ego and inexperience
• To avoid conflicts, follow the tips below.

How to avoid quarrels and conflicts in the family?

IMPORTANT: You will not be able to completely avoid quarrels and conflicts. However, you can reduce their number or make them effective.

• Communicate... Never suppress a grudge. This does not mean that you should point out your partner's shortcomings every now and then. If you feel a tense relationship or your partner has offended you a lot, talk. But the conversations must be correct, according to the three principles below
• No insults... Insults will never resolve the conflict. Even if you want to call your partner a bad word in connection with his bad deed, keep silent. Say "you acted very ugly", but do not say "you are a goat, etc."
• Listen to each other... Even if you consider yourself an injured party, listen to your opponent's position. It may well be that you did not notice something in your behavior. Be sure to listen fully to how your partner explains their behavior. Once you find the cause, you can fix it.

• Compromise. Without compromising, you risk not returning to the happy old days. Be prepared that if your partner asks you to behave differently, you may receive a response. Agree. This is the only way to improve your relationship.
• Personal space. You are people. You may get tired of everyday work. You want to rest and relax. In the home, every spouse should have a place of privacy. If you have Small child, then agree on the sequence of privacy for each of you: today is mom with a child, and dad is sitting at his beloved computer game; tomorrow dad and the child, and mom calmly takes a bath and makes facials. Without personal time and space, you will start running away from home in search of that very personal getaway.
• Praise each other. Often spouses come to the conclusion that they only hear reproaches: "the dinner was not successful", "what kind of hairstyle you have today", "you did not change the light bulb." Stop blaming when things don't work out. Praise when something worked out: "what a delicious lunch today", "you are such a good fellow, I did not notice when you managed to fix the tap", "you look good"

• Use pleasant words. Remember the candy-bouquet period of your relationship. After all, it was nice to hear “I love you”, “come quickly, I missed you,” I love your jokes. ” It's not just that you ended up together. You are united by mutual feelings, so keep them on fire
• Smile. It is clear that sometimes after a working day you want to relax, but your mood is poor. When you come home, say: "dear, I'm so tired, it's good that you are with me." Then hug your spouse and smile. You will see that such actions will return your relationship to its former tenderness.
• Farewell. No matter how hard you try to get away from fights, they can still happen sometimes. If there is an unambiguous fault of one of the spouses in a quarrel, forgive me. Of course, there is a limit to everything. But if the spouse's guilt is not very bad, then forgive me. Maybe not right away, but I'm sorry. But provided that your spouse is sincerely asking for it

• Do not remember past grievances. If you have forgiven your beloved / loved one for his act, then erase this act from memory. Stop collecting in your head all the mistakes of your half. Otherwise, at every opportunity, you will begin to reproach for what you have already been asked to forgive. First, it will only increase the scale of each subsequent conflict. Secondly, the guilty party will see no reason to apologize later.
• Respect each other's hobbies. If your half has favorite hobby, then instead of words about his uselessness, praise how good he is at it: whether it's a hobby for tennis, hand-made knick-knacks or a computer game
• Remember, both are to blame for the conflict. Do you consider your half to be the culprits of all the troubles? Listen to the other side and find out where you are to blame
• Remember who you are to each other. When another quarrel or conflict is approaching, think: can you live without this person? If not, blunt the negativity and follow the advice above.

• Study the tips above carefully again. Try to act this way
• If the advice did not help you to improve your relationship, then contact a family psychologist.
• Some general advice it will not be enough when the conflict has already dragged on and includes many other conflicts. It is already difficult for spouses to figure out where and who was wrong.
• Often only one of the spouses agrees to a psychologist. Convince the second about the need to visit him to save the family
• For a few more tips from psychologists, see the video below.

During this period, there is a personal "interpenetration" in a couple and a kind of dependence on relationships appears. Realization of this pushes on attempts to return to oneself to the former, which can be manifested in the establishment of old connections, and in the change of work.

Photo source: pixabay.com

During these years in marriage, the birth of the first child most often occurs. With the advent of the baby, the roles of the spouses change, they become parents. The burden associated with physical, psychological and material costs is increasing.

A young mother is absorbed in caring for a baby, and her husband feels abandoned and superfluous in this relationship. Especially if he is not attracted to conscious fatherhood, but they are trying to use only as an obedient assistant.

Do not be afraid to trust your husband in the role of a father, he will cope with it no worse than you cope with the role of a mother. But watch your new status(caring parents) did not cancel the previous one (loving spouses).

Day after day. Crisis 6-7 years old

In the life of a family, everything is stable and adjusted: everyday life, communication, work. But in sex there is satiety with the partner's body. Many men complain that the romance has left the relationship, the spouse does not share their hobbies.

That is why most of the cheating in married couples occurs during this period.

Women go back to work. After years home life everything new is perceived as emotional, bright, I want to change a lot. The spouse becomes financially less dependent on her husband.

Photo source: bewoman.club

Women in crisis are trying to return to the days when "everything was just beginning." They can enthusiastically buy beautiful lingerie, have a candlelit dinner ... Time cannot be turned back, and what your spouse liked seven years ago can now be annoying.

An attempt to restore relationships with the help of the birth of a second child will also be wrong. Children are not a means of manipulating a husband. On the contrary, an increase in psycho-emotional and physical stress during a crisis can lead to the breakdown of the family. Romantic moments are needed, but they should be completely different - something new, interesting, unusual.

"And it's all?". Crisis 11-13 years old

It would seem that everything that is possible has been experienced together: difficulties, lack of finances, illness, failure ... Why, after such a life exam, do some couples decide to leave?

Perhaps this is the most inexplicable crisis. The spouses characterize him with the words “we have become strangers,” but they simply have cooled down, there is no strength to “invest” in relationships. Perhaps this is an echo of one of the unresolved crises of the past.

In addition, such a period sometimes coincides with a mid-life crisis of one of the spouses, when a reassessment of values ​​occurs. There may be fear that there are not many years left when there is a chance to "start all over again"

Photo source: piter-trening.ru

Your own achievements and goals may seem insufficient, but you need to learn to accept them and set new goals. Not only for yourself as an individual, but also for the family as a world that you continue to master.

Define, albeit small, common collaborative tasks that will develop your marriage. Together, look for new ways to realize the accumulated potential.

The children have not grown up yet, but they are entering a period of choosing a life position. Its activity largely depends on you. And if the younger generation sees energetic, passionate about life, loving parents, and not boring guardians, then not only the children themselves will benefit, but also your "family boat" will not "break" about everyday life.

Empty Nest Syndrome. Crisis 20 years

Children have grown up, their own life begins. In families where relationships were built only around the interests of the child, the connecting link falls out. The very meaning of the relationship is lost.

Many men get divorced at this stage, since the feeling of guilt and duty to the children did not allow them to break off these relationships earlier.

Women do not get tired of reminding that “ best years"Were given to the spouse, which means that he now has to pay back the debts.

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In fact, the crisis occurs because both spouses forget about an important advantage of this period of marriage. After parting with an active parenting role, you seem to be returning to your youth, when marriage was your main family function. It is now time to remember all the good things that marriage brought you.

Remember what dreams and plans you once postponed until "better times" - now there is a great opportunity to realize them. In sexual relations, your attention to each other, affection and tenderness are now more important than ever. Do not be afraid to experiment, diversify your intimate life.

So, be patient and attentive to each other, love and respect your partner, then you will not be afraid of any crises!

There are rules that wise couples follow throughout their lives. And then not only the crisis years are overcome without loss, but the golden wedding comes as a holiday.

• Don't build up irritation. Try to pick the right moment and discuss the problem. Your partner doesn't have to read your mind, but they can hear you.
• Don't push your partner away when they want to be together. Always listen to each other, be attentive to his problems and feelings. Never manipulate your partner with sex prohibitions or permits.
• Choose your wording. Try not to blame your spouse, but to say how you feel when a conflict occurs. (Instead of "You again ...", say, for example, "It makes me very upset when you ...")
• Treat your spouse's views and interests with due respect, and honor the traditions of his family. Do not discourage change
• in the life of a spouse, be an ally and support for him in all endeavors.
• Create your world! Expand and strengthen areas of mutual interest, create the history of your family, its traditions, even your own language.
• Go to new stage family development, without waiting for crises, do not let routine steal love from you.
• The joy of mutual recognition can increase over the years. This applies to both body and soul. In sex, new nuances and overtones appear that are not available to any "kamasu-tre". Constantly engage in self-development, improve - and then you will be interesting to your partner as a person.

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• There are no perfect people! Appreciate and cultivate the positive qualities of your partner.

Secrets of family centenarians:

I heard this story from a lady who happily lived with her handsome husband for over 30 years. A high-ranking diplomat, he and his wife attended all social events. He was surrounded by a large number of beautiful and intelligent women. And of course, it was not without hobbies. When she saw that her husband was beginning to take an interest in another woman, she did not make scenes for him. She approached her, started a conversation, carefully watched this lady and tried to understand what she was interested in her husband. And then I tried to generate this quality in myself. When a husband discovered in his wife a virtue that attracted him to another, the romance faded by itself.