Faced with the fact that a beloved child begins to regularly carry “deuces” and “triples”, few adults really think about how to correct the situation. The only right decision, according to most parents, lies on the surface: to scold, and that's it! Look, next time will be more diligent. Unfortunately, this approach often leads to the exact opposite result: a child who is scolded for what the world stands for a random "deuce" does not start to study better, but on the contrary, finally starts learning, and sometimes can even become aggressive. Parents, sincerely perplexed, often begin to put even more pressure on their offspring - is it worth saying that this only aggravates the situation?

On the other hand, it is also impossible to ignore the child’s bad grades at all - a relaxed child will realize in the blink of an eye that the parents have given up. Subsequently, it is very difficult to “retrain” such a child: if for several years you did not pay attention to your student’s diary, but after some time you began to demand good grades from him, it will not work to force him to study. We did a little research and found out why scolding a child for bad grades should never be done. You can find out the reasons by reading our article.

Reason one: Grades do not characterize a person

The grades your child receives can tell a lot, but not about what kind of person he really is. It is very stupid to characterize a person, paying attention only to his grades, but, unfortunately, most parents “suffer” from this: in an attempt to reason with their own child, they begin to compare his successes with the achievements of some excellent student. Such a comparison makes the child feel bad (since he fails to achieve the same that the hypothetical Vasya Ivanov achieved), devalues ​​his own successes. Scolding your child just because he received an inappropriate, in your opinion, assessment, in no case is also impossible for the reason that the assessment may not reflect real knowledge: it is not uncommon, for example, when a teacher deliberately underestimates the grades of children whose parents donated money for class needs at the wrong time (or didn’t donate at all, although this is not necessary). Unfortunately, most schools are still very, very far from an objective assessment of the abilities of each child, and therefore it is not worth getting hung up on assessments: in most cases, they still do not reflect reality.

Reason two: Your child may think that you are only interested in grades.

If you scold your child for not getting a very good grade, or, conversely, praise your child for a high result noted in the diary, there is a risk that the child will think that you are only interested in school success. Every child wants to be loved no matter what progress he makes in school. Scolding your own child for bad grades, of course, you can ensure that he becomes a better student. Nevertheless, you run the risk of provoking the development of so-called child perfectionism in the child, or excellent student syndrome: it will be quite difficult to get rid of it later.

Reason three: scolding a child for bad grades, you kill the motivation to study better

For some reason, many parents think that the fear that a child experiences, fearing to get a bad grade, is an excellent motivation that makes him study better. Perhaps, in some cases, such a “motivation” will work, and for some time you will even be able to observe a series of fives and fours in your student’s diary. Fortunately or unfortunately, in most cases, parental threats do not lead to anything good: it will not work to force a child to study better, only scolding him for bad grades. Alas, most likely, you will have to observe an outcome completely different from what you expected: the child will simply lose the remnants of motivation that could motivate him to study better. Punishment in this case becomes meaningless, useless and even harmful: you not only did not achieve what you wanted, but also worsened an already deplorable situation.

Should I punish my child for bad grades in school? Should a child be deprived of their phone because of a poor grade in math?

Today the child returned from school not in the mood. He threw his briefcase into the corner, casually threw his jacket on a chair, frowned and thought about something. Mom begins to excitedly ask what happened, to which the child takes an offended diary from the briefcase, shows a deuce in mathematics and chokes with tears.

Such a violent reaction to a bad evaluation is now less common than before. Often, children do not care what to get: a deuce or a five. They understand that there will be nothing at home for a bad mark at school, so their level of success at school is inexorably falling.

Should punishment be waived?

The current system of education at school and at home gravitates toward democratic values: freedom of expression at school, respect for the child as an individual, some indulgence of his whims, and not accepting punishment as an educational measure. But is it necessary to refuse punishment? Will not parents who have completely switched to a democratic style of upbringing raise self-willed and indifferent children, who then will not care where they live and work?

It should immediately be noted that there can be no talk of any physical punishment. Children are not toys, they feel pain and suffering. Someone can say that his father was for his bad grades, and his grandfather also beat his father in childhood. But is it okay? In a child, this causes only hatred for his parent, and not respect and reverence. But if everything is clear with physical punishments, then is it necessary to punish bad grades at all? Most likely you need to.

Evaluation is an indicator of a child's success

This is not always an objective measure, but nevertheless it shows whether the student has mastered the school curriculum or not. A parent should be interested in the successful education of his child. He should not let the child's education take its course.

With the help of assessment, the teacher regulates the behavior of the student. Most often, children receive unsatisfactory marks precisely because of their bad behavior. I was talking with a neighbor on the desk - I didn’t understand the grammar rule, I was spinning and spinning - I couldn’t hear my homework. And there are many such examples. Evaluation is a lever for controlling student behavior. But if parents do not punish for grades, then the teacher simply loses this lever, because the child does not care if they give him a deuce or not, he continues to play around and interfere with his classmates.

- like wages. If an employee does not work well, he receives a reprimand. So why shouldn't a loser be punished for poor academic performance? Ignoring bad grades, parents develop a harmful stereotype in the child: you can not work, but still get whatever you want. Such a conviction will have a very painful impact on his future work activity and life in society.

Yes, bad grades should be penalized. But one important question remains: the notorious word "punish". Imagination immediately draws a poor child, put on a hunger strike and forever locked in his room. It is better to say not "punish", but "react". Respond to poor grades, respond to poor classroom performance, respond to discipline violations. How should one respond appropriately to failure?

How to respond to failure?

1. As already mentioned, there is little that can be achieved by physical torture. Parents should take steps to show that a bad grade is really bad. For example, cut down on computer or phone use until the score is corrected. At first, a stream of tears and pleas will be shed on the poor parent, but firmness must be shown, otherwise the child will get into the habit of shedding a tear whenever he is dissatisfied.

2. Children of primary school age are very dependent on their environment. Parents can take advantage of this and give their child an example of a more successful classmate. But this should not be in the form of humiliation: “Look how good he is, and what a nonentity you are!” such a formulation will cause negativism and rejection. Parents should simply shift the focus of the child's attention to study, and not to entertainment, set an example, and not poke their noses.

3. Why do adults go to work? To get paid. Why do children go to school? To get an estimate. Such a scheme does not at all cover the entire importance of education, but the child must clearly understand it. He won't get what he wants just like that. To achieve the goal, you need to work hard, get good grades in school and not violate discipline. A parent may promise to buy a new console, but in return he has every right to demand good quarter grades. In a word, the child should have a visual idea of ​​why he receives grades.

4. You never need to slide down to primitive humiliations. Try to deal with logarithms and complex sentences yourself, then you will understand whether it is so easy to earn a five. Humiliate and insult only those who cannot “help” anything else. Perhaps the child is lagging behind and, due to the workload of the school curriculum, cannot pass the missed material on his own. Parents should always be interested in homework, help the child, and not expect him to learn math and Russian at the click of a button.

You need to respond to grades, otherwise the child will lose all incentive to attend school. Democracy is democracy, but you can’t let academic performance take its course, because this can bring up the wrong life values ​​​​and attitude to life in a child.

Every parent of a schoolchild at least once, but had to see the mark "2" in his child's diary. But few people know how to treat it correctly. Someone is taken by the head, and someone by the belt. In order to adequately respond to such a situation, you need to understand the following issues.

Grade. Its essence, meaning and content

We, as adults who have grown up and quickly forgotten our school years, remember only our emotions associated with such an assessment as "2". These experiences are usually negative, so when we see a deuce in our beloved child, we become indignant. We experience regret, anxiety, and anger. These are OUR past feelings that have settled deep “in the heart” (but in fact in the subcortex of the brain). And so, some parents, not understanding this, immediately take up the belt and thereby make a big mistake, but more on that later.

So, putting aside our own experiences, let's think. A grade is a measure of a child's level of achievement. This is an indicator of how the student has mastered a particular topic, a particular subject. Children don't think about it yet. For them, evaluation is prestige, authority among classmates and parents. And it depends on whose authority prevails: there will be ratings with a “+” or “-” indicator. In addition, the assessment carries a psychological burden - for the child, this is a reward or punishment. And what happens: the student receives a deuce, then he is punished at home, and he is punished twice. Where did you see someone convicted twice for the same crime? This is possible only in relation to the child.

Then, you need to remember that in teaching two sides work: the teacher and the student. Learning is a two-way process. And the score “2” is the evaluation of the work and the teacher.

But we know how it happens: for some reason, the teacher puts into the assessment not only the assessment criteria, but also his personal attitude. This is unprofessional, this is mean to children, but, unfortunately, this happens.

But not all teachers are like that. There are teachers from God, they generally oppose the assessment system. Among them are the Georgian teacher Sh. A. Amonashvili, domestic A. I. Savchenko, B. G. Ananiev, E. P. Ilyin, N. F. Talyzina, and others. Now many modern schools are striving for a lesson-free and non-judgmental education system. These are the schools of the future. Their principle: the child needs to be motivated to study, and not kept in emotional stress: “What grade will I get?”. Yes, and put yourself in the place of a child: would you like to be evaluated 5-6 times a day?

Why does a child bring deuces

Before scolding a child for a deuce, you need to understand why she ended up in his diary or notebook.

I was an exemplary student at school, I studied only for "5", and rarely - for "4". But the trouble is, the Russian language was not given to me. Somehow, having handed over my notebook for verification (and it was brand new, clean, there were only 4 works), I received it back all covered in red ink, with marks “3” and “2”. I was so ashamed. Then I was terribly worried about what my grandmother would say (I grew up with her). The way out was this: I hid that “shameful” notebook, took a clean one, and rewrote everything. Then I became more attentive, began to read more. It was sixth grade. After 8 years, I took out “my sinner” and showed it to my grandmother. We laughed. But at the moment when I got my unsuccessful job back, I was scared, worried: what if my grandmother finds out? And the idea of ​​how she would scold me did not give me peace.

So, the first reason for the child's poor progress is his lack of learning: he did not exercise much, did not finish reading, did not finish writing. All this from haste: children have so much to do! And play, and engage in creativity, and run to circles / sections, and even learn lessons. Therefore, parents must correctly prioritize for themselves and for the child. Determine his abilities, inclinations, and start from this: help somewhere, guide somewhere, and treat him with understanding and close his eyes somewhere. A. S. Pushkin, for example, had a deuce in mathematics, but this did not prevent him from becoming a great poet.

Second case. The parents of a fifth-grader turned to me: the boy began to study poorly, slipped almost to "3" and "2", which had never happened before. In the process of working with this family, it turned out that the boy was too obedient and unsure of himself. The children felt it, saw it and began to laugh at him, because of which he began to worry and close himself even more. He was afraid to answer in class, because in case of a mistake there was a high risk for him to be ridiculed.

Good students are not well liked in the class. They are "nerds" and "nerds". This is the problem of those children who do not have time, but are emotionally stable - they begin to ridicule the successful, thus bringing them to their level. “Do not stick out” - this is the way my client found for himself. The class teacher also somehow paid little attention to this. Other teachers, not knowing the characteristics of a particular child (“There are many students, do you really recognize each one?” But they should find out), they saw in the boy only a lazy, unsuccessful student. This is how pedagogically neglected children appear, among the unsuccessful ones they make up 60%.

Here's more from practice. Girl, eighth grade. Doesn't want to study at all. Parents are busy with work, and tutors are constantly hired for her. The latter change every month, as "illiterate", "will not find an approach to the child", etc. In fact, with her poor progress, the girl achieved authority among her classmates, and the authority of her parents was not authority. The child simply lacked parental attention and understanding. And at some point she found him among friends. She moved away from her relatives, as they seemed indifferent to her. You need to understand and remember that no material wealth can replace live, emotional communication with a loved one. This also leads to pedagogical neglect.

Another reason for the failure of the child are his features: the level of intellectual development, volitional sphere, emotional, temperament, state of health. So, it is difficult for children with hyperactivity to focus their attention on the subject of study (they suffer from a lack of attention syndrome), children with defects in physical and psychological health find it difficult to emotionally be in a group of other children, they are poorly given an idea, understanding of educational material.

As you know, children from dysfunctional families also suffer from academic failure - this is a social factor.

For more details on the reasons for school failure, see the video

How to respond to parents when the child received a deuce

So, before reacting to the deuce of the child in the diary, you need to find out the reason: why did the teacher put it? Think for yourself, comparing the opinion of the teacher with your ideas and knowledge about the child, his characteristics, the characteristics of the environment and circumstances at home and at school. Who, if not parents, will understand and stand up for their child? If necessary, seek help from a psychologist.

Remember that one deuce is not a sentence of poor progress, but also not a reason to relax and ignore. This is a call to action. We need to stop and take a closer look at where we are missing in education, motivation, or maybe just in communicating with the child.

If deuces appear in the diary systematically, urgently seek advice, and continue to work, based on the reasons for the backlog.

Somehow recently I heard an interview with a psychologist: “Children need to be punished” - and I was covered with heat. How can a psychologist say that? CHILDREN NEED TO UNDERSTAND! Then there will be no reason to punish. They get used to the corner, they get used to hardships, screaming, the belt humiliates them, punishments like “now you will wash the dishes, clean up” discourages the desire for these types of activities, because this is normal, this is good and right. And in the complex it kills children in them, trust in people. It offends, angers and gives the right to do the same.

Punish attention and love! About this short video

Understanding, dear parents! Success and success to your children!

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The article will talk about the methods of punishing children and the psychology of punishment.

The educational process is not without punishment. This is one of the methods of education that helps to direct the behavior of the baby in the right direction and point out the mistakes made. Lack of punishment leads to uncontrollability of the child.

And, if at a younger age his actions are perceived by others as innocent pranks, then already at an older age there may be problems with socialization. We all live in a society and, whether parents like it or not, the child must develop according to generally accepted norms. However, often parents cross the line in education.

Punishment is in no way compatible with cruelty. Also, punishments have nothing to do with humiliation and non-observance of human rights. A child is the same person who has his own desires and life position. The role of parents is only to direct the baby in the right direction and point out mistakes.

Causes of behavioral disorder

The first thing parents need to figure out is the causes of behavioral disorders. Indeed, sometimes it is enough to eliminate the cause of the scandal.

• Desire to win parental attention. It happens that in a family where both parents work, the baby does not receive their attention. The only way to distract parents from business is through bad behavior. Only then do parents begin to communicate with the baby, albeit in the form of punishment. If a child notices such a tendency in the behavior of parents, then he will behave badly quite often. The only way out of this situation is for parents to figure out their schedule, spend more time with their child
• Often, a preschool child behaves badly not on purpose. Parents should study and understand age characteristics, take them into account when educating
• Nervous excitability. Modern children suffer from hyperactivity, it is difficult for them to concentrate and calm down. One of the reasons is disorders of the nervous system as a result of using artificial toys. This concept refers to the use of a TV, computer, tablet and phone. At preschool age, contact of children with these devices is highly undesirable.
• The presence of diseases. Poor health and the inability to express it often causes moodiness and bad behavior in children.

Why should a child be punished?

As noted above, young children often misbehave on purpose. In such a case, parents should put themselves in the position of a small child and patiently teach him the necessary skills. Situations in which it is still worth punishing the baby:

• For inappropriate hysteria. Often, children's tantrums take adults by surprise. The child has already understood that having thrown a scandal in a store or in a park, he easily gets what he wants. If you do not stop this behavior, then the baby will use tantrums more and more often.
• For breaking the rules. Each age has its own norms of behavior and rules. They must be agreed in advance with the child.
• For intentionally bad behavior. Sometimes it happens that children at school age begin to manipulate adults. In this case, you need to explain and demonstrate to the child that the educational process is your responsibility, and not entertainment.
• Punishments should be approached very carefully. A big plus if parents learn to perceive the behavior of the child without emotions. Then the educational process will be easier for all family members.

How to punish a child for bad behavior?

In pedagogy, there are several methods of punishing children:

• Educational conversation with an analysis of the perfect deed. This method is recognized as the most effective for punishing children of different ages. Only the types of conversations should be different. For example, it is inappropriate to speak to a teenager as if to a preschooler. In this case, the conversation will not bring results.
• Child neglect. This method of punishment copes well with children's tantrums.
• Deprivation of entertainment, such as watching TV or going out with friends
• Deprivation of material goods (for example, deprivation of pocket funds and gifts)
• physical punishment
• Isolation of the child (for example, put in a corner)

How to punish your child for bad grades

Bad grades are a stumbling block between parents and children. On the one hand, they may indicate the carelessness of the child. On the other hand, they may indicate the development of the baby in a different direction. Parents should treat the baby with understanding and not demand the impossible from him.

• Understand the reason behind bad grades. It may not be your child's fault at all. Maybe he had a difficult relationship with the teacher
• Find out your child's strengths. It happens that a child gets bad grades in math. However, he is top of the class in English and other liberal arts. Pay attention to this when choosing a future profession
• If your child does poorly in all subjects, have a conversation with him. Surely there are factors that interfere with his studies
• It is impossible to excessively punish a child for bad grades, otherwise you will completely discourage the desire to study.
• Combine punishment with rewards. Give incentives to the child to study (for example, that he will go to the sea in the summer if he finishes the year without triples)

Rules for punishing children

In order for punishments to be not senseless cruelty, they must be aimed specifically at eliminating behavioral errors. In no case should punishments concern the personality of the child himself. When punishing, parents are required to follow certain rules:

• Do not punish a child in a state of aggression. This can only exacerbate the conflict.
• The best parenting is a personal example. It's stupid to punish a child for what you yourself are doing.
• Don't get personal
• Do not compare the child with others, this lowers self-esteem and sets the child against the opponent
• The whole family should adhere to the same line of education. It is unacceptable for a mother to allow what a father forbids.
• Keep your own promises and rules
• Discuss the child's behavior before punishing. Find out why he did what he did.
• Every punishment must end with reconciliation. Don't drag out the punishment for too long

Raising a child without punishment

It is impossible to completely avoid punishment. In one way or another, all parents punish their children. And only those who are absolutely indifferent to the life of the baby are not punished. However, it is in the power of each family to reduce punishment to a minimum.

• Show patience and understanding. A child is a person just like you. There is meaning in every action he takes. Try to understand the motives of the child's behavior. Then, the approach to the sky will be much easier to find
• Follow your own rules. For example, there is a rule not to watch TV until the lessons and household chores are completed. Naturally, the child will ask permission again and again so that you give in to him. And having yielded once, you can forget about this rule
• The educational process should be based on personal example. For example, it is difficult to instill in a child a love of reading if he does not see his parents with a book in their hands.
• Don't pressure the child. Create rules of conduct together
• Treat your child as an individual. Even at a young age, the child has features of character and temperament. This should be especially taken into account when raising teenagers. Don't treat your baby like a baby
• Reward your child for good behavior and following the rules. However, everything should be in moderation. A child should not behave well just for the sake of encouragement.
• Share the interests of the baby, spend more time together. If the child sees what you need, he will want to make contact

Psychology of physical punishment

Teachers of all countries have already proved the ineffectiveness of physical punishment. Moreover, they adversely affect the development of personality and life skills.

• Parents often use physical punishment for self-affirmation. Bad mood, unwillingness to pay attention to the child - the main reasons for physical punishment
• The child does not learn new skills due to such punishments.
• Physical punishment leads to the child's fears, self-doubt. Toddler stops trusting parents
• Such punishments carry the "revenge" of the child. With physical pain, the child cannot respond in kind, so he takes revenge in other ways.
• Physical punishment has an extremely negative impact on family relationships
• Punishments of the physical plane lead to problems of the child in relations with peers. The kid may become intimidated, unable to fend for himself. Another option is the child's cruelty towards peers, younger children and animals.

How to avoid physical punishment?

• Parents and other family members should clearly understand the inadmissibility of this kind of punishment.
• In order not to resort to physical punishment, parents should learn other methods of punishment.
• It happens that parents justify the physical impact on the child by the inability to "get through" to him. However, this is only an indicator of the impatience of the parents themselves.
• To find an approach to the child, you need to understand his motives and goals. Only after that you can establish a relationship with the baby

The most important thing is love for children and manifestations of their attention. Then, in every family there will be healthy and harmonious relationships.

Video: How to properly punish a child?

In most cases, parents, having learned about a bad mark, begin to express their negative attitude to the situation in all ways. Dissatisfaction can be expressed in words, gestures, incessant lectures, and some even grab the belt. Seeing such a parental reaction, children often withdraw into themselves, stop trusting their parents, and begin to deceive in order to avoid a repetition of an unpleasant situation. Growing up, children move away from their parents even more, ignore their demands and statements.

What should parents do in such a situation? Despite the fact that the situation with the deuce is not very pleasant, try to control yourself, do not call names or scold the child, do not speak badly about his mental abilities, and so on. Schoolchildren perceive such criticism not as an assessment of their knowledge, but as a mockery of their personality.

It is also not necessary to treat with humor or ignore the fact of receiving an unsatisfactory grade, such a reaction from parents can provoke a child to abandon school altogether. If necessary, you can help the child with homework, explain the material that is not understood, but you don’t need to do homework for the student, such a disservice will not bring any benefit in the future.

If the child did not learn the lessons without a good reason, for example, he forgot or walked on the street, played with friends, etc., you do not need to cover him up in front of the teacher. The child must be responsible for all his actions.

How to respond to a bad rating? First of all, pull yourself together, sit next to the child and try to explain what caused the failing mark. Be sure to say that you are upset too, that you can try to help if possible. A bad grade is not always the result of a lack of necessary knowledge, sometimes poor health, a conflict in the classroom or with a teacher, poorly understood material, etc. can affect.

Due to the fact that lately a large amount of lessons have been given at home, and the teacher gives the necessary minimum, it is quite possible that the child simply did not understand the material. Try to understand this topic together with the student, if necessary, call the teacher, if there is a financial opportunity, you can visit a tutor.

If poor academic performance is associated with the inability to speak in front of an audience, practice with your child to tell the report and abstract aloud, in the presence of the rest of the family. When the student masters the incomprehensible material, ask him to approach the teacher to correct the bad mark. And, most importantly, be a friend to your child in any situation, so that he knows that the family will understand and support him.