Daria Markova | 08 October 2017

Youth newspaper

Family is a great value that needs to be kept in order and clean. Family is one of the social institutions. It is here that children receive the first necessary knowledge, improve themselves as individuals and, most importantly, receive support. But, unfortunately, there are other families in which children suffer from their parents. Today we will talk about domestic violence. (People's last names are not given for aesthetic reasons.)

Who is guilty

We turn on the evening news. The correspondent reports another case of child abuse. The stories are not just scary, they are terrifying. Pedophilia, beatings, incitement to suicide, selling organs, slavery - this is just a small list of the horrors that are happening in the world. But what motivates people, the so-called “parents,” to do such things? After all, this is their child. There are different reasons, who will tell us about them, if not people who find themselves in a similar situation.

-When I was in school, I had a classmate with developmental delays. At that time, in our small village there were no special educational organizations for such children, so Mila could not cope with the load. The girl herself often came to school with signs of beatings. None of the guys offended her. They regretted it. The teachers decided to talk to the girl and find out the truth. It turned out that Mila was often beaten by her grandparents, who raised her - her parents abandoned her. Naturally, the police were not told anything; the girl would not have been able to live in the orphanage, but her household was threatened. Since then, no one has seen bruises on the girl., - tells someone else's story Lyubov Semyonovna.

- I'm ashamed to admit it, but when I lost my job, I started drinking, drinking a lot. And in those drunken times he could hit his wife and then still little son. Fortunately, I have now completed a course of treatment, I can’t stand alcohol, but I love my family very much and am glad that they have forgiven me, - repents Anatoly Fedorovich.

- When I was little, my mother drank a lot, and I had to take care of the house, raise my little sister, protect her from my mother’s gentlemen, who loved to spread their hands, - sighs Nikita. - But now I understand that it was thanks to this difficult time, this pain, that I learned to appreciate love and loved ones.

Consequently, the blame often lies with those who raise children.

What to do?

Here you can find yourself in three roles.

First - bystander. If you are faced with this problem, you should talk to the victim and protect him from the culprit of the incident. It is better to contact the juvenile affairs inspectorate or the police.

Second - victim(child, however, there are situations when a wife or mother, mother-in-law or sister becomes victims of domestic violence). If you find yourself in such trouble, try talking to other family members or other people who can persuade the sick person to seek treatment. As a last resort, contact the police or the administration of the school where you study. There are also many helplines that can provide you with psychological help.

Third role - a person who bullies his family. No, no, no, you definitely won’t find yourself in such a situation. A person changes both for the better and, unfortunately, for the worse. Here advice can only be given to “victims” or outside observers. If a person is mentally ill, he naturally will not seek help from a doctor himself. And this is necessary.

These stories seem distant to us, but take a closer look at the boy living in the next house, the girl who sits at the last desk, maybe they are the ones who suffer from their parents...

Image from free sources

Domestic violence is a system of behavior by one person aimed at maintaining power and control over another person.

Conflicts and disputes arise in any relationship. It is important to distinguish domestic violence from conflict. A dispute can escalate into domestic violence if the partners do not participate on an equal footing in the conflict situation, if your partner resorts to violent methods in an attempt to manage and control your actions and feelings.

Domestic violence has its own laws, principles and dynamics of development. The situation of domestic violence develops cyclically and consists of three phases:

This phase is characterized by isolated outbursts of abuse, which may be verbal or emotional. These outbursts differ slightly in intensity from what is usual and expected from a partner. The woman's reaction can be calm or defensive. Both partners at this moment may try to justify the behavior of the offender, looking for explanations for his breakdowns due to stress due to work, money, etc.
The duration of this phase for different relationships can vary from a few days to several months. However, as tension increases, a woman’s ability to regulate the situation loses its effectiveness.

2. THE FACT OF VIOLENCE

This phase of acute violence is characterized by intense release, destructive actions and extreme emotional outbursts in their most negative form. The attacks of anger are so strong that the offender can no longer deny their existence, and the woman cannot help but admit that they have a strong influence on her. In such a situation, a woman may even try to speed up the act of violence to relieve the ever-growing tension, since she no longer has the strength to withstand it. However, usually the acute moment of violence in the form of an aggressive act occurs only because the man himself chooses a violent way to sort things out.
This is the shortest phase, which can last from 2 to 24 hours. After this, there is usually some sobering up on the part of the offender and his denial of the seriousness of what happened.

3. “HONEYMOON”

During this phase, a man can transform and become very loving and show remorse for what he has done. He can become a wonderful father and husband, and promise that this will not happen again. Or vice versa. blame the woman for that. that she provoked the violence, “brought it to pass” and also promised not to do this in the future. So he promises, and maybe at this moment he himself believes in it, but the mechanisms of violence continue to work.
The man still won a “victory” over the woman, and now he wants to keep the woman in this relationship. During this period, it is likely that the man may continue to use other types of violence, such as economic control, emotional abuse. in order to maintain your control even during this phase.
For a woman, this phase can replicate much of what she expected from her relationship with her partner. The man promises her that he will change, and she believes, she convinces herself that now the relationship will forever remain in this phase. But it is important to remember that once violence occurs, it is likely to continue intermittently. Tension in the family will increase again, and more frequent breakdowns will indicate the onset of the already familiar first phase of violence. Everything repeats itself again.

HOW TO RECOGNIZE A POTENTIAL ABUSER?

It is very important to be able to distinguish between behavioral signs that are typical for most men. prone to violence.

If your partner:
- tries to isolate you from meetings with friends or relatives, tries to control your contacts, claiming that they are a source of problems in the family;
- pathologically jealous and in this he finds justification for his controlling behavior;
- constantly asks or forces you to do things you don’t like;
- regularly shifts the blame for one’s actions onto others;
- cruelty to children or animals;
- aggressive and rude towards you;
- subject to sudden changes in emotional state, accompanied by “outbursts” of irritability;
- threatens physical harm;
- rude in sexual relations, without taking into account your preferences;
- threatens to take your children away from you;
- resorts to threats to commit suicide if you try to break off the relationship;
- has witnessed domestic violence in the parental family, or has experience as an aggressor towards a previous partner.

If a man’s behavior combines several of the above traits, this indicates a high degree of danger of violence in future relationships.

Especially for Violence.net, psychologists have prepared a leaflet on the topic of domestic violence for self-distribution. The brochure has a checklist in which you can mark relevant points to illustrate the situation in the family. There is also a definition of violence and the cycle of violence is described. The necessary recommendations and a list of help centers with contacts are provided.

Domestic violence is one problem that exists in all countries of the world without exception. Domestic violence is a repeated cycle of physical, sexual, verbal, emotional and economic abuse against loved ones with increasing frequency for the purpose of intimidation, control, and fear.

One of the main features of domestic violence is repeated incidents of different types of violence (physical, psychological, sexual and economic). They are an important indicator that distinguishes “domestic violence” from “conflict”. Conflict usually ends, and violence is systematic. Conflict has an underlying problem that can be solved. In a domestic violence situation, one person constantly controls another with force, and this leads to psychological and/or physical harm. Another feature of domestic violence that aggravates psychological trauma is that the offender and the victim are close people.

In Belarus, domestic violence is the most common type of gender-based violence. Every year, about 2,000 crimes committed in everyday life are registered in the country. Every day in the republic, the internal affairs bodies receive about 500 reports of family and domestic conflicts, of which over 70% are cases of domestic violence against women and children. At the same time, a significant number of cases of violence are not recorded, since many women either tend to put up with its manifestations or prefer to seek solutions without filing statements with official bodies. In this regard, most offenders remain unpunished.

Speak up if you are a victim or witness of domestic violence. Contact specialists for help by calling: 102 or 8 801 100 8 801

National Domestic Violence Hotline 8-801-100-8-801 was opened on August 13, 2012 on the basis of the international public association “Gender Perspectives” within the framework of the international technical assistance project “Increasing the national capacity of the state to combat domestic violence in the Republic of Belarus.” For any adult experiencing domestic violence, line consultants provide qualified psychological, legal, social and informational assistance. Telephone calls to 8-801-100-8-801 are accepted daily from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, a lawyer is on duty on the line, on other days - a psychologist. Calling the hotline is free from a landline phone. Also to the number 8-801-100-8-801 You can call subscribers of all mobile operators. In this case, calls are paid according to the tariffs for connecting to a fixed network.

No to domestic violence!

According to UNIFEM, every third woman in the world has experienced physical or mental violence at some time in her life. Every hour in Russia, one woman dies as a result of domestic violence.

Domestic violence is a repeated cycle of abuse towards loved ones in order to gain power and control. Any form of violence, intimidation and aggression is unacceptable and is a real threat to your life and the life of your children.

Am I subject to domestic violence?

No to domestic violence!

Yes, if:
You are afraid of your partner
Your partner uses physical force, pushes, hits, etc.
Your partner constantly criticizes you for your appearance, cooking, behavior, etc.
Your partner insults or humiliates you in private or in front of other people
Your partner prohibits you from seeing friends or relatives, controls how and where you spend time
Your partner intentionally damages household items, destroys your personal belongings and objects that are dear to you
Your partner puts psychological pressure on you and threatens you
Your husband/partner forces you to have sex against your will or in a way that is unacceptable to you
Your partner has complete control over your income and expenses
Your husband/partner is blackmailing you into breaking up the relationship if you do not fulfill his conditions (for example, give birth to a child or, conversely, have an abortion)
Your husband/partner is threatening to take your children away from you.
Your husband/partner is threatening to deprive you of your joint property and kick you out of your apartment

No to domestic violence!

The Stop Domestic Violence Campaign is an anti-domestic violence campaign run by The Body Shop around the world. Celebrate the beauty of female friendship while helping the Stop Domestic Violence campaign. Give your friend lip balm “For you and for her” (RUB 300 at any The Body Shop store). Every time you apply this balm, both you and your friend will remember that each of you has a person you can trust, from whom there are no secrets, and there is nothing that is too insignificant or, on the contrary, too serious to consult with each other.

"Love shouldn't hurt."
Russia is waiting for a Law on Domestic Violence.

Website: www.anna-center.ru

The first All-Russian free helpline for women subjected to domestic violence began operating.

As part of the AVON social program “Say no to domestic violence” with the support of the National Center for Violence Prevention “Anna”, the first All-Russian toll-free helpline for women subjected to domestic violence was launched.

By calling the number8 800 7000 600 You can get qualified help from psychologists and legal advice.