Phraseologism "Look through rose-colored glasses" ironically evaluates the behavior of a person who does not notice flaws in someone or something. Personally, I had such a state when I first met or met someone who interested me so much that I don’t want to look for flaws or accept criticism of the object of desire.

But alas, in most cases the fog clears as you get closer. Maybe the euphoria is gone. Or, interest simply disappears, and relationships become habitual. At the stage of acquaintance, emotions rule. Then - reason and logic. I think many are familiar with the state of "before" and "after". Questions in my head: How have I not seen this before? How did I manage to contact her (him)?

It is most reasonable to perceive relationships as an experience, as an opportunity to analyze yourself, your behavior and the whole situation as a whole, to become wiser. In fact, at some stage of communication, emotions filled a person with joy and positive, gave wings. So what if they were cut off later, and the once cute “highlights” become flaws: she paints her eyelashes for hours, opening her mouth, and he falls apart on the couch, instead of washing the dishes, because she cooked dinner. I am for not regretting anything.

Everything that happens is needed for something. Even if you don't want to remember it later. Maybe it’s worth remembering only the most pleasant of the entire period of the relationship? As my psychologist friend says: “As long as you keep the bad in your head, don’t expect anything good.” Indeed, a gloomy and unforgiving person is unlikely to attract positive. Yes, even if he attracts, he simply will not notice him. Immersion in oneself, self-digging will not give a smile that could make others happy.

I have a friend who “procrastinates” every negatively ended relationship, tells her friends about them, tries to understand why “I come across such goats all the time?”. It's simple: if all men are considered goats and expect only meanness from them, then it will be so. And if you remember only the negative from everything that happens and get hung up on it, then everything bad will follow on your heels, making life even gloomier.

It’s one thing to worry in yourself, another thing is to complicate the life of the “not happened half”. Due to various circumstances, the degree of upbringing, mentality, the ability to analyze what is happening, as well as the lack of interest in one's life, after a break in relations, some may in every possible way offend the person to whom they recently swore eternal love. I don’t understand why insult a person who until recently was so dear to you and next to whom you fell asleep? Is it the insult that changes us? If not, then how does it relate to everything that was between you before parting? To all these declarations of love and walks under the moon? Was it all a lie and meant nothing?

Personally, it seems to me that just not everyone knows how to adequately end a novel without descending to foul language. Personally, I consider cowards men who (no matter what a woman does or says) can insult, disrespect a woman. It's the same as immediately humiliating the entire weaker sex, including mother, sister, grandmother ...

It is very difficult to maintain decent communication if there is a child from marriage. The reasons for parting in this case are more serious. My friend parted with the father of the child "in a raised voice." She could not tolerate disrespect, her husband's prosperous laziness and unwillingness to change her life for the better. Why "drag on yourself" someone who does not put a penny on either the child or his mother. We can hope for a long time that everything will change. And if not, regret every “what if”.

It happens like this: two people who are ideal for each other with common interests met. Got married. Got children. And then — bam! The husband suddenly begins to drink, reluctant to return home. Wife "saws". Where does this "breakdown" come from? Does genetics take its toll, or do minor problems accumulate and, like a snowball, absorb both at once? So insanely difficult to answer so many questions! Sometimes it's impossible.

I know one thing for sure: no matter what happens, you must behave respectfully towards any person, even if one of his looks makes you want to take on something heavy. You can’t put your thoughts into someone else’s head, you can’t change anyone. So there is no point in moralizing and insults. Now I'm working on it: I quickly close the door for someone I can't see even for a second. I often think of someone who has remained a mystery. And it seems that there is no better person than this person. Let it be better to remain in thoughts and dreams with love for life than to stick out in the kitchen in slippers and leave mugs of unfinished coffee all over the apartment ...

Veronika Ishotina

When you are sixteen, you want to love, to be loved.

You can even just love, love and give yourself,

give your warmth.

But at thirty, you want to do more than just love and be loved.

You need loyalty, for betrayal is betrayal

And she is not able to revive the old feelings.

You don't need confessions under the window.

You realize that it's better to know the truth. And this truth

can only give life.

Life is real, not artificial, which you

glasses have been created for many years.

Pink glasses.

Ida thought so too when she unexpectedly received a letter from Jules, in which he honestly confessed to her that he had fallen in love with another. Yes, and did he love at all?

Sometimes we confuse love with falling in love, a feeling very similar to love and at the same time not love, so fickle. After reading the letter, Ida thought that she shouldn't waste time on men anymore. She had a job that brought her a stable income and she felt that she was already tired of unstable love or falling in love. How better it was possible to designate such feelings and relationships, thanks to which her relationships developed.

He was brought out of his state of detachment by a phone call. Her friend Paul, whom Ida had already known for more than ten years, called. Communicating with Paul, Ida suddenly realized that she did not need to end relationships with all men. It happens that sometimes it is men who can cheer you up and from this you can even become even more beautiful and beautiful.

How are you sweet? Have you forgotten that today is your birthday? I want to wish you happiness, but you have it.

And what is my happiness, dear? – Ida, intrigued, asked in surprise.

Well, how? Happiness is not only about being loved or being loved. Happiness is that you just live. You can afford to fall in love and love, and then (pause) stop loving.

Ida laughed. She liked this wish. She couldn't deny that it was indeed happiness. Happiness is being free from obligations. You don't have to fall in love if you want to. You are a free person even if there is a husband nearby. Because today he is with you, and tomorrow (her gaze fell on the table where the letter lay) ... .. and tomorrow he is already with the other, and you are alone. And you don't have to suffer if you're free. And I am a free woman and this is happiness.

Listen, you are a genius! Ida exclaimed after some thought.

In what? Paul asked in surprise.

Thank you,” Ida said affirmatively.

Ida could not come to her senses now from a pleasant feeling. Maybe it was happiness? Her thoughts were somewhere far away.

Ida, what's wrong with you? Am I out of time? Paul asked anxiously a minute later.

No, really, you're just in time. I just forgot that today is my birthday.

On the one hand, Ida was happy to receive such congratulations; on the other hand, she wanted to cry, cry because it was on her birthday that her husband, now ex, had given her such a gift!

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Maturity is the love of life without pink glasses. It's not about age, it's about feelings. A mature woman knows the value of herself and others. She lives in harmony with herself, does not spray and does not try to seem like someone else.

There will come a time in every girl's life when she changes. We are in site decided to illustrate the actions of women who can confidently say what needs to be done so as not to suffer because of trifles.

1. Do not care about the assessment of others

You used to worry about what people would think of you. Now you know exactly what clothes will be appropriate, where it is better to say, where - to remain silent. When to show flexibility, and when, on the contrary, to rein in the interlocutor. Most of your actions are right and beneficial for you, and what other people think there is not important.

2. Not interested in what your ex is doing.

Previously, you could monitor his page, figure out who he was dating. They wanted to become better, only so that he could see and understand who he had lost. Now you have your own life, and it is so interesting that you do not care about the ex.

3. Stop blindly following fashion

You used to study fashion trends and spent a lot of money on the actual things of the season, hoarding junk. Now you only buy what suits and likes you. And if the super-relevant metallic makes you look like a woman of not too conscious behavior, you won't even look in his direction.

4. Love your body

You used to think that loving your body means accepting it the way it is. Fat or thin, fit or flabby, what difference does it make - I love him the way he is! Now we understand that to love your body is to take care of it. Properly feed him, give him physical activity to keep him in good shape, and not clog him with chips, cakes, cigarettes and alcohol.

5. Ignore social stereotypes

Previously, you believed that if you don’t have an iPhone, it means that you are poor, you didn’t get married by 25 - something is wrong with you. Now your own comfort and satisfaction with your life is important for you. You have enough money for everything you want, and the motivation to further develop. Of course, there are intelligent men around such a stable woman.

6. Immediately leave an unpleasant man

Previously, you hoped that you could re-educate a person, now you stop dating if you feel his indifference.

7. Cut off toxic relationships

You used to put up with annoying girlfriends who use you like a vest and never follow your advice. Now you are directly telling them to stop whining, pull themselves together, start working on a problem, or not waste your time.

8. It's easy to ask for forgiveness

The next morning, Harriet woke up from an insistent knock on the door: - Get up Potter! We need to talk! Come out, crazy girl, I'll be waiting for you in two minutes. The cry of Uncle Vernon, which she had not heard for a long time, finally woke Harriet, and she stood up, stretching. There was no time to clean up, so the girl just tied her hair in a bun and headed downstairs. Behind Dudley and Petunia just closed Entrance door, and Vernon stood next to a small suitcase and waited for his niece. The look of small eyes passed over her appearance but he didn't say anything about it. - Potter, then so, we're leaving for the weekend to Marge. You will stay in the house alone, on the refrigerator is a to-do list. There is money on the table. Buy yourself some food, but if you don't bring the checks, I'll beat you up! And don't destroy the house! Remember, I can still get the belt! With a final "threatening" face, Mr. Dursley left. And Harriet was left looking perplexedly at the door slamming shut behind her uncle. Uncle Vernon very rarely left her alone, afraid that she would burn down the house. But right now, he didn't seem to want to risk inviting Sister Marge back to the house where Potter was. Remembering how she cheated on her aunt, she felt ashamed. No control. After all, magical emissions end in children at the age of ten or eleven. And then she was already thirteen! A heavy sigh escaped her lips as she walked into the kitchen. The to-do list for the weekend was quickly skimmed through. In short, you need to scrub the house and cut the bushes, nothing unusual, just like in the old days. Yesterday's chicken and potatoes were found in the refrigerator, heating them in a frying pan, Harriet sat down for a late dinner and thought. Something strange has been happening to her for the last month. At first, she wrote to friends about it, but they, like Dumbledore, thought it had something to do with the Dark Lord. But what if it isn't? What if all these pains, thoughts, desires - it's all related to the potions that came out of her? Harriet rose abruptly from her chair, dragged a roll of parchment and a pen into the kitchen, and sat down to write a letter to the headmaster. Just didn't send it. She will always have time to send, now she decided to do something else, her intuition told her that it would be better. One blue notebook had to be stolen from Petunia's drawer, but there are many more like it, it is unlikely that she will notice the loss. The blue pen in Potter's hand literally fluttered over the sheets. The first year at Hogwarts and everything connected with it. Quirrell, Snape, Dumbledore, the Erinage Mirror, the Invisibility Cloak, Voldemort, the Philosopher's Stone, and the Director's words that she would have to live with relatives. Second year. The Chamber of Secrets, the basilisk, the petrified disciples who were disenchanted at the end of the year, although mandrakes could be bought at the pharmacy. Tom's diary, which she pierced with a fang. Saving Ginny. Third year. Sirius. Marauders' Map. Dementors. Buckbeak. Pettigrew the rat and Lupine the werewolf in a school full of kids. And the fourth year is the Triwizard Tournament. Harriet wrote about this in more detail, the memories were still fresh. The ritual of the Dark Lord's resurrection was written on a separate piece of paper. And on another sheet, Harriet wrote down those memories that were ... not hers. It feels like they were fakes, maybe they were. It was very insulting and scary that someone deprived her of her memory, and more than once, and then created fake memories. Harriet didn't know if that was possible, but it felt like it was. But the worst thing was that almost all the fake memories were connected with the director. He erased her memory. Why is the director hiding something from her? Doesn't trust? Of course, this is his right, who is she for him? Maybe she saw something she shouldn't, and he erased her memory? Wait, why does she trust him? Who is he to her, to Harriet Potter? Only the principal of the school. She only spoke to him at the end of the school year. I immediately thought of Mr. Bailey, headmaster of the Muggle school. He, too, was kind to Harriet, and even drove her home once when it was raining heavily outside and she didn't have an umbrella. But she did not consider him the best person, and even more so did not allow him to manage her life. Still, Mr. Bailey did more for her than Dumbledore. Admittedly, as a child, she behaved much more sensibly. Perhaps because she was alone? And then there were friends and adults who decide for her. But why did she let them? Eleven years she was on her own and kept everything under control, and then she just lost her mind. I remember that potions can subdue and bewitch the mind? Was it with her? It looks like it is. In addition, the director of Hogwarts is also a politician. As Uncle Vernon used to say, politicians are people who say one thing, but in reality everything is not what they say. Does that mean she shouldn't trust him? She would have time to think about it anyway, Potter decided, and continued to take notes. When all the years at school were written down, Harriet began to write down on a separate sheet of questions for which she did not have answers. There have been a lot of them. When the girl looked up from the notes, she found that it was already evening outside. But she only made herself tea and continued to make records. Why didn't Molly Weasley, knowing how Harriet lives, give her advice? Why didn't you offer to buy clothes? She hugged and said that Harriet was like a daughter to her, but did nothing good, except that she took her home for a week. And why did her parents hide in the cottage when they had a menorah protected by ancient magic? Why did she herself, once in the world of magic, not seek to know him, like Hermione? Why did you become friends with Ron? She didn’t like him right away, neither manners nor upbringing. She wanted to stand up for him in front of Malfoy, and after that Ron already began to consider them friends. There were many such questions, one of the answers that fit some of them was simple: it looks like she was given potions of "scattered attention" or "clouded mind", a potion of "hate" and possibly "attachment" to some people. It was to potions that she leaned the most, because now that they left her, reasonable thoughts appeared in her head, and the fog that constantly haunted Harriet was gone. She continued writing questions the next day. Many questions arose in her head, but there were no answers. Then, deciding to reread them and analyze them, Potter realized that her life in the world of magic was a big deception. The rose-colored glasses fell off, and now Harriet saw all, or almost all, of her mistakes and wrong decisions. I saw my stupidity and empty-headedness, which Snape had noticed in his freshman year, and it was frustrating. But more than that, she was horrified. After this year, she wanted to become stronger in order to defeat Voldemort, but now she began to fear not only him. Dumbledore, Snape who most likely helped him, "friends" and enemies among the students, it felt like she was defenseless against them all. The Weasleys, who were quite close to her, now caused alienation, and Hermione ... Harriet wistfully realized that due to the fact that her friend was always "smarter", she herself completely stopped studying and reading, although she used to love this business. Strongest of all, in addition to the main villain of her life, the second one, Dumbledore, appeared. He may not have been a villain in the traditional sense, but he manipulated her and bewitched her mind. This is much worse than open rage, a real snake. Harriet understood that Headmaster Dumbledore was using her and the others in some kind of game of his own. And they are just pieces on a chessboard. Feeling like a puppet was terribly unpleasant, but now she had a whole summer to change a little and cut the strings. It was dangerous to sit idly by, and I didn't want to. The thirst for action woke up in the girl and the first thing was to get to know the world of magic better. The chest with things this year was not locked in the closet, but lay in Harriet's room. After sorting it out, she threw out a whole bag of garbage: old candies, broken feathers, already small sweaters from Mrs. Weasley and much more. After going through the textbooks for four years, Potter came to disappointing conclusions. She knew almost nothing about potions, magical plants were also unknown to her, she somehow still swam in spells, she knew defensive and attacking spells at a level, from the history of magic she only knew that there were several wars. But she did not suspect about their causes or consequences, she simply did not know. The book on divination was thrown into the far corner, and the book on monsters was the only one that Harriet knew well, thanks to Hagrid, who loved and knew how to talk about monsters in a way that you couldn't help remembering. Harriet decided to have dinner not in the kitchen, but in the living room in front of the TV. And when she had already moved on to dessert, there was a program on TV about the royal family. Then something clicked in Harriet's head, and she quickly wrote down the flashing thoughts. Many students at Hogwarts were from some sort of lineage, some were heirs and heirs, and some were not called that, even though they were purebloods. The same Draco Malfoy is the heir, but Ron Weasley is not. But everyone calls him a traitor of blood ... To find out what these titles mean, she decided in the bank. There she saw a sign with something written about consultations of various kinds. And if this does not help her, then she can always withdraw money and buy the necessary books, the main thing is that they are sold, and then she will sort them out somehow.

It's time to become an adult.

Perhaps we should start with the fact that although I am an impressionable person, I do not lose optimism. Rather, I relate to people whom life is not able to break, but still looking back I am involuntarily horrified by some things that happened to me. I think it’s worth saying that it was the birth of my beloved twins, a boy and a girl, that helped me reconsider some situations and change my outlook on life. When children are born, you start thinking about how to protect them, you want them to be happy. Looking back at the past, I remember what now causes me not only disgust, but also fear that this can happen to any person and leave a deep scar in my soul and a mark on my life.

When I was little, I was deprived of my virginity by the father of my age, with whom I was then friends, this happened in the afternoon near the barn. He came up from behind and hugged me and did it with his finger, then I couldn’t even go to the potty, it hurt so much. Parents did not immediately understand what had happened, since I myself did not understand and could not really explain anything, but fortunately everything was resolved later and he is still in prison.

Then, at the age of 19, an acquaintance of my brother, who, as it turned out, was 35 years old, took the opportunity and raped me. And you know, the most annoying thing is that, really, the girl can’t do anything, maybe a case from childhood influenced me, I don’t know, in any case I couldn’t help myself. I asked him not to do this to me, I said “please don’t, I don’t want this”, “don’t touch me”. I couldn’t scream, I went into hysterics, I was in shock, I cried and choked either from tears or from impotence, and yes, I was fragile all my life, at that time I weighed no more than 45 kg., I was even told that "You probably don't eat anything." And yet I did everything I could, and then I simply didn’t have any strength left, except that I could only scream, but it was more of a hysteria, since I screamed that it hurt me and that he didn’t touch me, but he said “shut up already, I haven’t done anything yet, lie still”, then roughly grabbed my legs and pulled me closer, I still remember how he carefully examined and rudely entered. Yes, I was not a virgin, but that was a finger, and this ... I will probably never forget that pain, it feels like a knife was inserted there, he covered my mouth with his hand, and I wanted one thing so that it would all end quickly, and so happened ... and you know, I still can’t understand, was it really possible to do this to a girl for such a short period? And the most disgusting thing is that after he said “I already thought that you were a virgin (that is, he deliberately did it all)” and also “you know that the best thing when you are raped is not to resist”, then he tried talk to me, as if nothing had happened, asked for forgiveness ...

Now I am married, but even now I don’t feel completely safe, since my husband repeatedly forced me to have sex, and sincerely thinking that I like it so much, but he still respects some boundaries ..

So you give birth to children and suddenly you begin to look at the world differently, and some things begin to be seen without any prism. The strangest thing is that then it wasn’t so hard for me, but now it’s very, I can’t even sleep and trust my own husband, I remember all this every day and I can’t concentrate on something else. Most of all I fear for the children, for all the children, because they are completely defenseless, and the world is not at all so kind. I don't know how to get out of this state, how to start living differently..