Glasses are crutches for the eyes.

(S. N. Fedorov)

Why do people prefer to wear pink glasses and not see the world in real light?

- Let's start with the fact that no one can see the world as it is. And more importantly, he cannot see and realistically assess his internal state. So everyone has glasses. Only they are different: with glasses different colors and shades, sizes, purpose and with different diopters. Glasses are put on by us literally from birth. From the moment when we begin to comprehend and feel this world in some way.

Our first relationship and feelings are formed towards the person who accepts us. Moreover, we note that any person who accepts us in infancy, and who takes care of us, evokes a reciprocal feeling at the level of instincts. And if you ask any child “Whose mother is smarter, more beautiful, kinder?”, Everyone will confidently answer “ME!”

But if we start a collective discussion of this issue objectively, line up all mothers, introduce the criteria of beauty and kindness, then it will become clear that all mothers cannot be the very best. It turns out that one mother is less kind, the other less beautiful. If you try to present the results of our collegium's research to a child and tell him that, they say, your mother turned out to be less beautiful than the mother of a certain Petya Pupkin, the child will not agree with this. And in our objective opinion, we still will not convince the child. This happens because the internal subjective sensations of the child will run counter to our opinion on this matter.

A person always has a different attitude to everything that is his own than to someone else's. There are certain psychological mechanisms that form all this. We know that it is much more unpleasant to break your own toy than someone else's toy. My house, my toy, my favorite place, my village… Everything that is connected with “mine” is felt and perceived in a different way. We all view the world subjectively.

Returning to the moment of birth, it must be emphasized that during this period we know nothing at all about the world: neither about its structure, nor about interactions in it, nor about ourselves. From the very beginning, we learn all this from scratch. It is fundamentally important who begins to teach us. It is also important what and how we are taught. For example, if we are told what is yellow, while pointing to yellow, then we will remember it. But if a child is taught that this color is yellow, while pointing to red, then he will also successfully learn this and will be convinced that red is yellow.

This will happen because the child cannot check anything. He does not have enough experience and knowledge for this. When he grows up and sees this discrepancy, he will understand his mistake. But then it will be a rather painful process. After all, any person relies on the knowledge he has acquired. And it is quite difficult for him to remake or rethink the picture of the world, down to particulars, changing his point of view. To do this, you have to agree that you do not know something or know it wrong. This causes an internal conflict with yourself, because with such awareness your internal integrity is destroyed, the set of ideas that you have on this moment. You, for example, know what and where is in your apartment, and you are comfortable at the same time. But if you come home, all things are not in their places, and you have little idea where to find something, then such chaos, of course, causes discomfort. Even if now everything is located more conveniently. The discomfort will stop when you again know where everything is, and you will be comfortable again.

If they explained to me, for example, that the world is kind, and I am wonderful, and then I have to face reality, when everything turns out to be wrong, and it turns out that I am not at all wonderful and occupy the wrong place in the world, and the world itself not so kind, this discovery causes great stress. Changing the picture of the world causes very pain. In such a situation, a person tries to hold on to his old constructs, but cannot. He hardly accepts new ones.

We've all been through this since childhood. Our understanding of the world is constantly changing throughout our lives, although the world itself remains unchanged. In childhood, the world is one, in adolescence he is seen by others, in his youth - by the third, and so on. An old man and a baby in the same year, in the same place, see the world differently. They understand and describe what they see in their own way. They have different experiences, different levels of understanding of the world and different descriptions and distortions. By the way, this is the reason why there is a war between parents and children.

- It turns out that rose-colored glasses are something innate, and not what society puts on you?

One does not exclude the other. First, I begin to perceive the world through myself. I am the eyes of this world. I can see everything in my own way. Each person's perception is unique. You will not find a person with identical views to another. A simple example: We can go into the same store, and if we are asked at the exit about the goods seen, everyone will talk about their own, describe in their own way. And in general, it may seem that we were in different stores. Simply because everyone will pay attention to the things that interest him. This is due at least to the fact that we cannot cover EVERYTHING with our attention. We perceive only a very small part of this world. We fail to see everything that is happening around, and, accordingly, to see the full picture of reality. Because of this, distortion begins, which leads to subjective perception. It is impossible to see everything, but in order to see more, more objectively, one must desire it and put a lot of effort into it! But not many people want to apply forces. It is much easier to live by convincing yourself that you see everything for real, and others do not.

In addition, everything that we see, as well as our inner feelings, our relationships with other people, we are forced to pass through our inner "I". This "I" is what refracts what is seen. How the lens of the eye refracts color to the retina, which perceives what we see. If the lens refracts in a wrong way, then our vision becomes worse, although the reality itself does not change. Since we all have this lens - "I" strongly distorts, then we see badly. And since we don’t understand that the point is in the “I”, but we want to see well, then we put on glasses, instead of paying attention to these reasons for the distortion - our “I”. And then we convince ourselves that what we see in our glasses is the most real reality. Instead of determining where these distortions are in ourselves, changing our vision, comprehending the objective reality of this world, we, convinced that our understanding is correct, begin to point out to others their distortions, impose our picture of the world on them.

I think that it is no coincidence that Christ says: “First take the log out of your eye, and then you will see how to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”(Matthew 7:5).

Returning to your question, we can say that not only do we distort reality through our imperfect "I", there are also people and organizations that want to make us see the world in a way that is beneficial to them. To do this, there are well-defined methods of manipulating personalities. Initially, in their own selfish interests, they incorrectly explain something to us, reinforcing the words with false arguments that cannot be verified. And we are forced to believe it. Because we do not want or cannot analyze what is offered to us. For this we do not have enough time, desire, knowledge, experience. That is why it is especially easy to manipulate children. They often get into bad company because they don't have the experience to double-check the values ​​being imposed. They have no base to rethink what they heard. For example, a child may be approached by a person and asked to steal something for candy. With an adult, try to reverse this. Most likely it will not work, because the adult knows about possible consequences, about bringing to criminal responsibility, and most importantly, that candy is not a value for an adult! The child cannot assess the degree of social danger of his actions, and the candy, on the contrary, is a value. Not only with a child such things are possible. Mentally retarded people can also be persuaded to commit a similar act. In particular, patients with Down's disease, because they cannot rethink what was said and evaluate the consequences of their actions. Down can kill a person in order to please and please the one who addressed him with kindness and warmth. Because such treatment is the highest value for him. In order to successfully manipulate a person in his own interests, it is necessary to change his system of values. The success of human manipulation also directly depends on the degree intellectual development personality, the degree of comprehension of the reality of those who are being manipulated.

Incidentally, this is why transition periods time (like ours) manipulators need to reduce the intellectual level and degree of education of the people they are going to control. Smart and educated people are very difficult to manipulate. But, having lowered the intellectual and educational level of human development to a primitive, to an animal, it becomes easy to distort reality, and, accordingly, it becomes easy to manage. Manipulation will be especially successful if it is also possible to impose on a person the primitive values ​​​​needed by the manipulator, while simultaneously destroying the spiritual ones that make a person a person.

When these three conditions are met, man is reduced to an animal. And any dog ​​can be trained with a piece of sausage. Look: the intelligence of a dog is animal + the value in the form of sausage that the dog takes. And this is how they start training a primitive person, From groups of people a herd is obtained. Only animals do not feel manipulation.

The same thing is happening to people today.

If we want to manipulate a mass of people, as I said, it will be necessary for us to impose some value on them. For example, let's imagine that we have an artel for the production of brooms. How can we enslave people and manipulate them by distorting their ideas? It is clear that this is practically impossible. But if we inspire people that brooms are their main, most important value in life, by imposing this opinion through the media, we will succeed. We will say that not dollars, but brooms have enduring value! We will instill in people's heads the idea that they store brooms for a rainy day, blow the dust off them, betray each other for the sake of brooms. We will convince them that brooms are the guarantee of well-being, the measure of our prestige, we will convince people that those who do not have brooms are not a person! If we succeed in instilling these attitudes in people, then we will dominate them. And, it would seem, we did not do much - we just changed their value system.

None of these items are valuable! This value is only for those who could convince us of this. We understand that true values ​​are love, happiness, understanding, health, harmony inside and outside. And we understand that money can't buy it! Moreover, if we consider money the greatest value, being in this animal-dollar fever, we most often just lose it all! Because of this, we do not see life, we suffer. What is happening to us?

Nothing special. They just put glasses on us, distorting reality. You know, they did the same thing to us that they do to donkeys, to which they tie a carrot in front of the muzzle, but which they cannot reach. The donkey is trying to catch up with its value, and the one who wants to ride a donkey rides comfortably. True, this donkey does not receive happiness, health, understanding and love. Unfortunately, so are we.

If money did not seem to be such a great value (and this has never happened before), then manipulation would not be possible. And this value was imposed on us by those who need to sell their goods. Look, for colorful cut pieces of paper, people kill each other, betray, abandon children and parents. Is it normal? It reminds me a lot of dog training. About who is the trainer in this case, we will not talk in this topic, but the fact that the trainer distorts the reality of the dog through a piece of sausage is beyond doubt. And if we take into account that everyone, to one degree or another, tries to manipulate others (consciously and subconsciously), distorting reality, then the problem arises globally. And real vision begins with the fact that you understand that you cannot see reality because of the distortions of the “I” and the distortions introduced into you from the outside. And if you don’t want to admit it, then you put on glasses that help create the illusion that you have good, albeit subjective, vision.

- It turns out that glasses are worn in order to feel comfortable in this world. Is there any other benefit to them?

When a person wears glasses, he understands the world. Glasses smooth out these distortions of reality, allow you not to think about them. The benefit of wearing glasses is that, having put them on, a person may not think about correcting his own view of the world, because if you really look at things, you will have to understand your own imperfection, accept the imperfection of the world, look for an opportunity to change, rethink a lot.

It's always hard for us to admit our mistakes. It is always easier to insist on one's own opinion, even if it is erroneous, than to change oneself. Change is always hard to come by. They involve hard inner work on oneself, which is not known how it will end. Not everyone wants to look for strength in themselves for serious inner work on themselves. Therefore, it is easier to inspire yourself with an idea of ​​​​the world as you want to see it. Glasses will help with this. In this case, we act according to the principle “Do not bend under the changing world, let better world bend under us." And in order not to change ourselves, we adjust the world for ourselves in our own fantasies. Only reality does not bend under us and will not bend. At one point, she will simply break another glasses for us. And we'll start moaning about how bad the world is. Only it is necessary to blame one's own distortions, and not the world. And the sooner we understand this, the less pain the next crisis will bring us.

Can you give specific examples of what has been said?

- Can. Take, for example, groups based on a certain ideology: skinheads, goths, emo, etc. It is clear that each representative of such an association refracts reality in his own way. Skinheads do not need to understand their own motives for behavior, nor do they need to correct their internal distortions. It's hard. No need to think about who is behind their organization, what are the goals of those who lead the process. Everything is so clear – you have to beat black! Why do we need to beat blacks? It's not clear, but correct. There is just a goal to reach. This is very beneficial for those who manage this process in their own interests. Maybe this just coincides with the interests of those blacks who need to remove their fellow countrymen - competitors. And who themselves pay for it through those who manage the skins. But for ordinary people it doesn't matter.

The same can be attributed to emo, goths, supporters of political parties, all sorts of fanatics, sectarians. In the end, I will say that if you yourself do not try to control the situation, then you give this control to others. If you yourself do not want to see the reality, then you will see the reality that others will give you. But it will be distorted already in their interests.

– Do our feelings affect reality distortions?

“People are made up of the rational and the irrational. Reason is rational, and feelings are just that which cannot be rationalized. The realm of feelings is a subjective realm. This fact is very easy to prove: for example, you like some dish, but I don’t like it. If we start discussing it, we won't come to an agreement. Seafood may please me and be disgusting to you. That is, we cannot discuss their taste. I will be absolutely convinced that this is the most delicious thing in the world, and you refuse to even try it. This is the realm of the irrational.

Our feelings are not supported by anything. They just arise. And the person himself is already beginning to feed them. Everyone meets with the fact that a person consciously makes a choice in favor of his feelings. And the distortion of the picture of the world is caused mainly by emotions and feelings. This is the area that distorts reality the most. This is exactly what affects our lens - "I". It is from the feelings that we take for truth that further distortions occur. Feelings, being an integral part of our "I", can often contradict common sense and the real state of affairs. Therefore, feelings should not be trusted so much.

– But after all, people who are doing well, do not need to escape from reality. Is not it so?

- No one is good. We all have certain constructs, values, feelings on which we rely. And we are trying from our ideas and beliefs (it doesn’t matter how close they are to reality) to create an environment around us that is understandable and comfortable for us.

If a person goes into an unknown forest, which can be likened to our world, he must be given a real, undistorted map. If he is given the wrong map, he will not be able to navigate the world. The correct map used to be given by a culture that was based on religion. (In general, culture comes from the word "cult"). So, then the basic guidelines were given to us at birth. We were given an old reliable map tested by hundreds of generations before us.

Now we ourselves refuse it, believing that we are smarter than those who compiled and checked it. I'm talking about Christianity. Therefore, we are forced to acquire these guidelines, values, meaning throughout our lives. Unfortunately, it is far from always possible to compile and verify this map yourself. It is often not clear from which garbage he took certain settings and guidelines, but these are HIS settings. He relies on them and considers them the most correct. The picture of reality is distorted due to this, what these attitudes are based on is unclear. The man got lost. But it is very difficult for him to admit that HIS picture is wrong. Moreover, he will argue with the fact that the old and proven card is good. And until he gets into a severe crisis, he will not change them. It is possible that after the crisis he will take a proven card. But only if he recognizes the unreliability of the one that brought him into the crisis.

Not every person can critically perceive the information that is offered to him. Not everyone can turn off their emotions and draw the right conclusions. This is extremely hard work! This is self-change! It is much easier to say that I am right about everything, that this is white, and that is black.

That's where it all starts. Distortion of self-image!

Those who decide to commit suicide often have a distortion of ideas about the world, it appears in gloomy colors. But a person never thinks about the fact that if he himself is imperfect, if everyone around is so imperfect, then why should the world be perfect? Why are you surprised by the world you live in?

If you don't follow the rules traffic and you see that other people do not observe them, why are you surprised at the number of accidents, accidents? They are very logical and natural.

Everyone has distortion. In people different ages, different family and social status, material well-being. If you don’t want to be deceived, and be on someone’s errand, and to be pulled by the strings, then you have to work, you have to try to understand something. And that means spending time, effort and energy. Many do not want to do this. Laziness and pride make a person a slave to these distortions.

Once again I will say that we are all objects of manipulation. Everyone wants to be sure of something. And everyone wants to accept some unrealistic attitudes from the outside in order to simplify his life, not to think for himself. The only way to destroy these attitudes is to think and analyze the correspondence of these suggested attitudes to reality. It is also necessary to acquire a lot of knowledge, to learn to recognize the incorrectness of the acquired knowledge and one's understanding of reality. This is primarily blocked by pride. It is extremely difficult to admit that I was wrong and my opinion is not true. This hurts our "I", which is the center of the whole world. "I" is in the center, and a theatrical action unfolds around, in which the actors play their roles

- In addition to pride, a person also has a fear that the attitudes adopted will turn out to be wrong.

- Yes. This is what we were talking about. A person in such a situation begins to think: “What if I need to reconsider my views? What if they turn out to be false? I'll have to go through the nightmare of the crisis again. And my foundation will go from under my feet. Here is a suitable analogy for this situation. None of us likes renovations in the apartment. Everyone loves an apartment AFTER renovation, but not the process itself. Repair is sometimes compared to a fire. This is an extremely unfortunate occurrence. Not every person wants to change something.

But repair is just a change in the external environment. And such changes, in fact, are not so painful. They can be experienced. And when it comes to changing the inner core, the sensations are extremely painful. Not a single person will gladly go to the operation. Even prophylactic. He will look for other possible means of treatment. And again, the operation is an intervention in the body, not in the soul. Again, we are talking about the outer shell, the changes of which are not so critical.

And, of course, there is a fear of making a mistake, of taking the wrong step in your change.

To avoid this, you need to understand where this distortion is, what you want to get from your new state, where you will take resources, which path to follow, how to find out intermediate milestones, etc.

And this is where religion comes to the rescue. There, all the algorithms, goals, problems of change, landmarks were written down a long time ago. All this has been tested and confirmed by millions of people. There are all the methodological guides on what to strive for, how to transform yourself, how to do it, etc. I recommend using. I have seen a lot of people following this path correctly.

- There is an expression "You can not look at the world too soberly, otherwise you will get drunk." Have you ever tried, on the contrary, to help a person put on rose-colored glasses so that the world does not seem very scary? Or replace black glasses with pink ones?

“People are afraid to take the world soberly. And that is why they want to hide in illusions and distortions, particular cases of which are addictions such as alcohol, drugs, gambling addictions, etc. Gambling addiction, alcoholism very well allow you to distort reality, allow you to avoid a collision with it. Not for long, but still. Hiding in illusions, a person tries to escape into his unreal world, hide in it, feel more comfortable.

It's very similar to when Small child, covering his eyes with his palms, he thinks that no one sees him. The logic is simple: If I don't see the world, then the world doesn't see me either. This is the logic we try to live by. But if it seems to us that we have left reality, then reality never leaves us. Our children's games with her only delay for a while the collision with her.

And at the moment of such a collision (and this usually happens in crises), rose-colored glasses are broken against reality. Glasses fly in all directions, it seems that the world is collapsing. And it is at this moment that we have a great opportunity to look at the world realistically. But we are so used to looking at the world through glasses that we are doing something stupid again. And now we change pink glasses to black ones. And again we convince ourselves that reality is black, terrible, hopeless. And again we do not want to see without glasses. Now black. It would seem that everything is not so bad. If a person is comfortable with rose-colored glasses with a certain amount of diopter and distortion capabilities, let him wear them. And someone is comfortable wearing black or purple. Why bother them?

But again I will say that the trouble is that the reality is something else! And if you put on glasses that distort distance, space, light, then when you, for example, cross the road, you don’t see anything or you see incorrectly, and you will most likely be hit by a car.

The world does not wear glasses. That's the conflict! Distorted people can be compared to drunk people. They are in their vision, in their world, in their color.

That is why I am a supporter of the fact that the world should be viewed without glasses. And it's pointless to change one point for another. Because reality is constantly changing. We have to adapt to it, to change something in many ways. Start the processes of change within yourself. And that's why people try to get away from reality. They don't want to change, take responsibility for their lives

And glasses are such an excuse that allows you to do nothing.

The world is black. So why change anything? I am good, but the world around is black, people are bad. Or the same situation with rose-colored glasses. Moreover, why dig into yourself? Still good! Why see the real world, real problems?

The glasses themselves are the solution. He dressed them - everything is black and nothing is visible. Or put on pink ones - and everything is fine.

- Do you somehow help people get rid of distortions, take off their glasses and open their eyes?

“I don’t try to take off people’s glasses and force them to open their eyes. This is ethically wrong. If a person wants to believe in something, I cannot take away this faith from him.

But I try to make a person think about reality. To do this, I ask many questions that destroy his stereotypes. In order to answer them, he is forced to think for himself, he must begin to doubt that his vision of the world was correct. And often it works out. But to take off glasses or leave them - a person must decide for himself. It's his choice. It is a question of his responsibility to himself for how he decides to see the world. This is the question of his future life.

In my work, I never try to break these glasses. It is not safe for humans. By tearing glasses off a person by force, you can drive him to suicide. If instead of rose-colored glasses you do not give a person a normal idea of ​​the world, then it is better not to tear them off by force.

- That is, absolutely all people should see the world realistically?

No, there are rare exceptions to this rule.

During my work at the oncology center, I saw many cases when rose-colored glasses are absolutely contraindicated to take off. Solzhenitsyn also described this in the Cancer Ward: “And here, in the clinic, (the patient) is already sucking an oxygen bag, he can barely move his eyes, and with his tongue he proves everything: I won’t die! I don't have cancer." And I saw such patients. They lie in the oncology center for more than one month and convince themselves that they do not have cancer. If you think soberly, it will become clear to the patient, even judging by his condition, that, most likely, he does not have the disease that the doctor reported. But a person is so afraid to face reality that he looks for ways to avoid it, and denies what is already obvious. This is psychological protection. A sane person understands that if you are in such a center, if you are treated with chemotherapy, then you are seriously ill. But doctors try not to injure patients and therefore do not inform them about the prognosis. This is a very big ethical issue in oncology. So far, it does not have an unambiguous solution. Most specialists agree that it is necessary to tell the patient about his disease, but carefully, gradually, taking into account what he wants to know and is ready to perceive himself. It is necessary to tell the truth, but not to impose it in those rare cases when the patient is not ready to accept it.

It is not necessary to speak directly and thoughtlessly about the prognosis to the relatives of the patient. Although to speak or not to speak about the imminent death of the patient, nothing will change from this - the person will die anyway. And the injury will still be there. But no one has the heart to tell their loved ones directly about this in advance. No one takes responsibility for breaking those glasses. And after all, in principle, you can make it even worse by breaking them untimely. A person must be prepared in some way. He observes deterioration, a certain readiness to accept the death of a loved one is already forming inside him, he already admits such a thought ...

Or I don't know any oncologist who could approach the patient's parents and inform them that their child will die and that he has only a few days or months to live. You can't say it directly! This is a major trauma for parents. That is, in certain and rare cases, these rose-colored glasses must be preserved.

But usually we are faced with other situations. We are trying to take off the glasses, and the person who has them does not want to do this. Even though it hurts himself a lot.

All people have experienced this. Here, for example, you tell your friend something unpleasant about her young man, and she told you this: “Why did you tell me about this ?! You hurt me! It was fine without you!” A blow has been dealt to the idea, to the security of opinion, to the construct, to the stereotype. A blow to the "pink" representation of a person. And this person begins to react aggressively to such words ...

You also have to think whether to do it or not. Depending on what result it can lead to.

So there is no unequivocal decision on whether to take off glasses from another or not. But it is absolutely certain that in any case it is necessary to remove them from your eyes! If you yourself are in rose-colored glasses, then you cannot take off glasses from another. You don't see reality. You are in distortion. You can't fix someone's eyesight if you don't see the real picture yourself. And correcting this distortion in oneself is much more difficult than removing glasses from others. But it is a necessary task.

The next morning, Harriet woke up from an insistent knock on the door: - Get up Potter! We need to talk! Come out, crazy girl, I'll be waiting for you in two minutes. The cry of Uncle Vernon, which she had not heard for a long time, finally woke Harriet, and she stood up, stretching. There was no time to clean up, so the girl just tied her hair in a bun and headed downstairs. Behind Dudley and Petunia just closed Entrance door, and Vernon stood next to a small suitcase and waited for his niece. The look of small eyes passed over her appearance but he didn't say anything about it. - Potter, then so, we're leaving for the weekend to Marge. You will stay in the house alone, on the refrigerator is a to-do list. There is money on the table. Buy yourself some food, but if you don't bring the checks, I'll beat you up! And don't destroy the house! Remember, I can still get the belt! With a final "threatening" face, Mr. Dursley left. And Harriet was left looking perplexedly at the door slamming shut behind her uncle. Uncle Vernon very rarely left her alone, afraid that she would burn down the house. But right now, he didn't seem to want to risk inviting Sister Marge back to the house where Potter was. Remembering how she cheated on her aunt, she felt ashamed. No control. After all, magical emissions end in children at the age of ten or eleven. And then she was already thirteen! A heavy sigh escaped her lips as she walked into the kitchen. The to-do list for the weekend was quickly skimmed through. In short, you need to scrub the house and cut the bushes, nothing unusual, just like in the old days. Yesterday's chicken and potatoes were found in the refrigerator, heating them in a frying pan, Harriet sat down for a late dinner and thought. Something strange has been happening to her for the last month. At first, she wrote to friends about it, but they, like Dumbledore, thought it had something to do with the Dark Lord. But what if it isn't? What if all these pains, thoughts, desires - it's all related to the potions that came out of her? Harriet rose abruptly from her chair, dragged a roll of parchment and a pen into the kitchen, and sat down to write a letter to the headmaster. Just didn't send it. She will always have time to send, now she decided to do something else, her intuition told her that it would be better. One blue notebook had to be stolen from Petunia's drawer, but there are many more like it, it is unlikely that she will notice the loss. The blue pen in Potter's hand literally fluttered over the sheets. The first year at Hogwarts and everything connected with it. Quirrell, Snape, Dumbledore, the Erinage Mirror, the Invisibility Cloak, Voldemort, the Philosopher's Stone, and the Director's words that she would have to live with relatives. Second year. The Chamber of Secrets, the basilisk, the petrified disciples who were disenchanted at the end of the year, although mandrakes could be bought at the pharmacy. Tom's diary, which she pierced with a fang. Saving Ginny. Third year. Sirius. Marauders' Map. Dementors. Buckbeak. Pettigrew the rat and Lupine the werewolf in a school full of kids. And the fourth year is the Triwizard Tournament. Harriet wrote about this in more detail, the memories were still fresh. The ritual of the Dark Lord's resurrection was written on a separate piece of paper. And on another sheet, Harriet wrote down those memories that were ... not hers. It feels like they were fakes, maybe they were. It was very insulting and scary that someone deprived her of her memory, and more than once, and then created fake memories. Harriet didn't know if that was possible, but it felt like it was. But the worst thing was that almost all the fake memories were connected with the director. He erased her memory. Why is the director hiding something from her? Doesn't trust? Of course, this is his right, who is she for him? Maybe she saw something she shouldn't, and he erased her memory? Wait, why does she trust him? Who is he to her, to Harriet Potter? Only the principal of the school. She only spoke to him at the end of the school year. I immediately thought of Mr. Bailey, headmaster of the Muggle school. He, too, was kind to Harriet, and even drove her home once when it was raining heavily outside and she didn't have an umbrella. But she did not consider him the best person, and even more so did not allow him to manage her life. Still, Mr. Bailey did more for her than Dumbledore. Admittedly, as a child, she behaved much more sensibly. Perhaps because she was alone? And then there were friends and adults who decide for her. But why did she let them? Eleven years she was on her own and kept everything under control, and then she just lost her mind. I remember that potions can subdue and bewitch the mind? Was it with her? It looks like it is. In addition, the director of Hogwarts is also a politician. As Uncle Vernon used to say, politicians are people who say one thing, but in reality everything is not what they say. Does that mean she shouldn't trust him? She would have time to think about it anyway, Potter decided, and continued to take notes. When all the years at school were written down, Harriet began to write down on a separate sheet of questions for which she did not have answers. There have been a lot of them. When the girl looked up from the notes, she found that it was already evening outside. But she only made herself tea and continued to make records. Why didn't Molly Weasley, knowing how Harriet lives, give her advice? Why didn't you offer to buy clothes? She hugged and said that Harriet was like a daughter to her, but did nothing good, except that she took her home for a week. And why did her parents hide in the cottage when they had a menorah protected by ancient magic? Why did she herself, once in the world of magic, not seek to know him, like Hermione? Why did you become friends with Ron? She didn’t like him right away, neither manners nor upbringing. She wanted to stand up for him in front of Malfoy, and after that Ron already began to consider them friends. There were many such questions, one of the answers that fit some of them was simple: it looks like she was given potions of "scattered attention" or "clouded mind", a potion of "hate" and possibly "attachment" to some people. It was to potions that she leaned most of all, because now, when they left her, reasonable thoughts appeared in her head, and the fog that constantly haunted Harriet was gone. She continued writing questions the next day. Many questions arose in her head, but there were no answers. Then, deciding to reread them and analyze them, Potter realized that her life in the world of magic was a big deception. The rose-colored glasses fell off, and now Harriet saw all, or almost all, of her mistakes and wrong decisions. I saw my stupidity and empty-headedness, which Snape had noticed in his freshman year, and it was frustrating. But more than that, she was horrified. After this year, she wanted to become stronger in order to defeat Voldemort, but now she began to fear not only him. Dumbledore, Snape who most likely helped him, "friends" and enemies among the students, it felt like she was defenseless against them all. The Weasleys, who were quite close to her, now caused alienation, and Hermione ... Harriet wistfully realized that due to the fact that her friend was always "smarter", she herself completely stopped studying and reading, although she used to love this business. Strongest of all, in addition to the main villain of her life, the second one, Dumbledore, appeared. He may not have been a villain in the traditional sense, but he manipulated her and bewitched her mind. This is much worse than open rage, a real snake. Harriet understood that Headmaster Dumbledore was using her and the others in some kind of game of his own. And they are just pieces on a chessboard. Feeling like a puppet was terribly unpleasant, but now she had a whole summer to change a little and cut the strings. It was dangerous to sit idly by, and I didn't want to. The thirst for action woke up in the girl and the first thing was to get to know the world of magic better. The chest with things this year was not locked in the closet, but lay in Harriet's room. After sorting it out, she threw out a whole bag of garbage: old candy, broken feathers, already small sweaters from Mrs. Weasley and much more. After going through the textbooks for four years, Potter came to disappointing conclusions. She knew almost nothing about potions, magical plants were also unknown to her, she somehow still swam in spells, she knew defensive and attacking spells at a level, from the history of magic she only knew that there were several wars. But she did not suspect about their causes or consequences, she simply did not know. The book on divination was thrown into the far corner, and the book on monsters was the only one that Harriet knew well, thanks to Hagrid, who loved and knew how to talk about monsters in a way that you couldn't help remembering. Harriet decided to have dinner not in the kitchen, but in the living room in front of the TV. And when she had already moved on to dessert, there was a program on TV about the royal family. Then something clicked in Harriet's head, and she quickly wrote down the flashing thoughts. Many students at Hogwarts were from some sort of lineage, some were heirs and heirs, and some were not called that, even though they were purebloods. The same Draco Malfoy is the heir, but Ron Weasley is not. But everyone calls him a traitor of blood ... To find out what these titles mean, she decided in the bank. There she saw a sign with something written about consultations of various kinds. And if this does not help her, then she can always withdraw money and buy the necessary books, the main thing is that they are sold, and then she will sort them out somehow.

It's time to become an adult.

Perhaps we should start with the fact that although I am an impressionable person, I do not lose optimism. Rather, I relate to people whom life is not able to break, but still looking back I am involuntarily horrified by some things that happened to me. I think it’s worth saying that it was the birth of my beloved twins, a boy and a girl, that helped me reconsider some situations and change my outlook on life. When children are born, you start thinking about how to protect them, you want them to be happy. Looking back at the past, I remember what now causes me not only disgust, but also fear that this can happen to any person and leave a deep scar in my soul and a mark on my life.

When I was little, I was deprived of my virginity by the father of my age, with whom I was then friends, this happened in the afternoon near the barn. He came up from behind and hugged me and did it with his finger, then I couldn’t even go to the potty, it hurt so much. Parents did not immediately understand what had happened, since I myself did not understand and could not really explain anything, but fortunately everything was resolved later and he is still in prison.

Then, at the age of 19, an acquaintance of my brother, who, as it turned out, was 35 years old, took the opportunity and raped me. And you know, the most offensive thing is that, indeed, a girl can’t do anything, maybe a case from childhood influenced me, I don’t know, in any case I couldn’t help myself. I asked him not to do this to me, I said “please don’t, I don’t want this”, “don’t touch me”. I couldn’t scream, I went into hysterics, I was in shock, I cried and choked either from tears or from impotence, and yes, I was fragile all my life, at that time I weighed no more than 45 kg., I was even told that "You probably don't eat anything." And yet I did everything I could, and then I simply didn’t have any strength left, except that I could only scream, but it was more of a hysteria, since I screamed that it hurt me and that he didn’t touch me, but he said “shut up already, I haven’t done anything yet, lie still”, then roughly grabbed my legs and pulled me closer, I still remember how he carefully examined and rudely entered. Yes, I was not a virgin, but that was a finger, and this ... I will probably never forget that pain, it feels like a knife was inserted there, he covered my mouth with his hand, and I wanted one thing so that it would all end quickly, and so happened ... and you know, I still can’t understand, was it really possible to do this to a girl for such a short period? And the most disgusting thing is that after he said “I already thought that you were a virgin (that is, he deliberately did it all)” and also “you know that the best thing when you are raped is not to resist”, then he tried talk to me, as if nothing had happened, asked for forgiveness ...

Now I am married, but even now I don’t feel completely safe, since my husband repeatedly forced me to have sex, and sincerely thinking that I like it so much, but he still respects some boundaries ..

So you give birth to children and suddenly you begin to look at the world differently, and some things begin to be seen without any prism. The strangest thing is that then it wasn’t so hard for me, but now it’s very, I can’t even sleep and trust my own husband, I remember all this every day and I can’t concentrate on something else. Most of all I fear for the children, for all the children, because they are completely defenseless, and the world is not at all so kind. I don't know how to get out of this state, how to start living differently..

Phraseologism "Look through rose-colored glasses" ironically evaluates the behavior of a person who does not notice flaws in someone or something. Personally, I had such a state when I first met or met someone who interested me so much that I don’t want to look for flaws or accept criticism of the object of desire.

But alas, in most cases the fog clears as you get closer. Maybe the euphoria is gone. Or, interest simply disappears, and relationships become habitual. At the stage of acquaintance, emotions rule. Then - reason and logic. I think many are familiar with the state of "before" and "after". Questions in my head: How have I not seen this before? How did I manage to contact her (him)?

It is most reasonable to perceive relationships as an experience, as an opportunity to analyze yourself, your behavior and the whole situation as a whole, to become wiser. In fact, at some stage of communication, emotions filled a person with joy and positive, gave wings. So what if they were cut off later, and the once cute “highlights” become flaws: she paints her eyelashes for hours, opening her mouth, and he falls apart on the couch, instead of washing the dishes, because she cooked dinner. I am for not regretting anything.

Everything that happens is needed for something. Even if you don't want to remember it later. Maybe it’s worth remembering only the most pleasant of the entire period of the relationship? As my psychologist friend says: “As long as you keep the bad in your head, don’t expect anything good.” Indeed, a gloomy and unforgiving person is unlikely to attract positive. Yes, even if he attracts, he simply will not notice him. Immersion in oneself, self-digging will not give a smile that could make others happy.

I have a friend who “procrastinates” every negatively ended relationship, tells her friends about them, tries to understand why “I come across such goats all the time?”. It's simple: if all men are considered goats and expect only meanness from them, then it will be so. And if you remember only the negative from everything that happens and get hung up on it, then everything bad will follow on your heels, making life even gloomier.

It’s one thing to worry in yourself, another thing is to complicate the life of the “not happened half”. Due to various circumstances, the degree of upbringing, mentality, the ability to analyze what is happening, as well as the lack of interest in one's life, after a break in relations, some may in every possible way offend the person to whom they recently swore eternal love. I don’t understand why insult a person who until recently was so dear to you and next to whom you fell asleep? Is it the insult that changes us? If not, then how does it relate to everything that was between you before parting? To all these declarations of love and walks under the moon? Was it all a lie and meant nothing?

Personally, it seems to me that just not everyone knows how to adequately end a novel without descending to foul language. Personally, I consider cowards men who (no matter what a woman does or says) can insult, disrespect a woman. It's the same as immediately humiliating the entire weaker sex, including mother, sister, grandmother ...

It is very difficult to maintain decent communication if there is a child from marriage. The reasons for parting in this case are more serious. My friend parted with the father of the child "in a raised voice." She could not tolerate disrespect, her husband's prosperous laziness and unwillingness to change her life for the better. Why "drag on yourself" someone who does not put a penny on either the child or his mother. We can hope for a long time that everything will change. And if not, regret every “what if”.

It happens like this: two people who are ideal for each other with common interests met. Got married. Got children. And then — bam! The husband suddenly begins to drink, reluctant to return home. Wife "saws". Where does this "breakdown" come from? Does genetics take its toll, or do minor problems accumulate and, like a snowball, absorb both at once? So insanely difficult to answer so many questions! Sometimes it's impossible.

I know one thing for sure: no matter what happens, you must behave respectfully towards any person, even if one of his looks makes you want to take on something heavy. You can’t put your thoughts into someone else’s head, you can’t change anyone. So there is no point in moralizing and insults. Now I'm working on it: I quickly close the door for someone I can't see even for a second. I often think of someone who has remained a mystery. And it seems that there is no better person than this person. Let it be better to remain in thoughts and dreams with love for life than to stick out in the kitchen in slippers and leave mugs of unfinished coffee all over the apartment ...

Veronika Ishotina