A black knitted hat, a dark sports jacket, loose pants (also, as a rule, of a sporty look), sneakers ... This trend, expressed in the language of numerous glossy publications, will probably always remain relevant among a certain category of the population. The legislators of fashion trends in clothing will never be able to introduce any special changes into it. At most, the letter "Y" will appear on the black back, and the eagle with wings from Armani will replace the adidas shamrock. Five psychologists and a former prisoner explained how to behave if you ran into adherents of such a fashion on the street, but it’s no longer possible to retreat.

Andrey Zberovsky, director of the Andrey Zberovsky Family Psychological Center, Krasnoyarsk:
I was a boxer in my youth and fought a lot on the streets, so I know all this. It is necessary, firstly, to behave as confidently as possible - not to retreat and turn around. Second: do not allow yourself to be surrounded - do not let anyone behind your back. And the third, if you see that you can’t do it, don’t be afraid to grab everything that comes to hand: a stick, a bottle, etc.

Beat first. People are always afraid of those who act unexpectedly and show that they are ready to go to the end. I've had dozens of fights on the streets and I didn't lose if I followed these rules.

You don't have to talk. If you strike up a conversation, you will automatically lose. They have already calculated all the moves in advance and are ready for any development of the scenario. You are not. Better to be silent and say nothing.

And another tip: call on your mobile or pretend to be talking to someone. You can say: "I'm already coming." Or clarify the number of the nearest house - for example, you saw house number 36 near the company and loudly “specify” on the phone: “What is your number? 36 or 38? Come on, I'm already there." So that those who get in your way have an understanding: you are not alone, they can come to your aid and they are not far away.

Igor Lyakh, head of the psychotherapeutic department of the Insight clinic:
If you have noticed a company from afar, it is better to go the other way. The majority in this situation is destroyed by false pride: they say, I am young and strong ... If you run well, run. It is better to run away than to deal with the painful consequences later.

If conflict is inevitable and there is little strength, there are a few rules: remember that life is always more precious than anything. Secondly, the illusion of our own omnipotence is destroying us. Feel free to take out the phone, start talking to someone, call the police.

Gopniks don't always attack. But if it does happen, don't hesitate to call for help. And it is better to have minimal training in protecting the head and other vulnerable parts of the body.

It is necessary to behave simply and naturally. Without provocation and aggression. But there is no need to show fear either. It is better to answer with simple answers. You have the right not to answer if something is not clear. And you don’t have to promise anything, and don’t say anything that would be regarded as a lie or an attempt to humiliate the interlocutor ... Aggression is provoked by a pronounced fear and submission, or an initial provocation.

Igor Poperechny, director of the Center for Medical Sexology and Psychotherapy:
“Experienced people are“ fighters ”, I talked with such people, they recommend talking calmly, raising your hands and lightly touching the hands with whom you are talking. It takes the pressure off and shows that you are not afraid. But no sudden movements. On the other hand, no apologetic tone so they don't feel the power. In extreme cases, run to the store and call relatives or the police from there.

Many gopniks start a discussion in order to distract. It's like dogs guarding sheep in Asia. There always attacks the one that is behind. Sometimes you are spoken to so that someone comes behind you and hits you on the head.

I once had a case when I was surrounded by five people. I took out a small knife, showed it and said: “I don’t care what happens to me - you can kill me. But with a knife, I'll cut someone's artery or vein and they'll die. You won't have time to finish me off until I kill someone. Choose which one of you wants to die. And they fell behind.

In general, it is better to run. I have a police officer friend who, when he asked to take him to the section where he would learn to fight, took his son to the running section. It was a wise decision.

Alexander Butskikh, director of the Center for Psychotherapy of Dr. Butskikh:
We need to kill the leader immediately. Figure out who is the leader and destroy him. (Laughs) The second option is to quickly run away. This is a healthier option for the body. As the samurai say: a fight not allowed is a fight won.

One of my acquaintances, he was such a former bandit-athlete, he said: “They are like animals. Everyone feels it." Gopniks “read” you on a non-verbal level: what a person feels, what emotions come from him ... If they feel the victim, it will be difficult.

A drooping head, drooping shoulders, lack of energy in gait, facial expressions, gestures… These are all signs of a gamma male (not a leader. — IK). The eyes should not run or be lowered, the voice should not be timid.

Talking loudly, shouting back, looking intently into the eyes - you should not. This will be seen as a challenge. And the challenge can be accepted, and you will have to answer.

Do not rush to approach the shout. Even if you are clearly inferior in strength. Although it is not necessary to openly demonstrate your coolness. Whoever starts, he must justify his actions.

Do not greet. In prison, they don’t shake hands at all, and the order of the prison for the gopnik is sacred. You don't have to press the first paw that comes along. “Or maybe you’re not a kid at all - who knows you?” - you hint ... He suspects that you know the rules of the game. The main task is to stay within its rules.

Do not make excuses. In no case do not answer questions - "I respect you, but ...", "I'm not being rude, but ...". Your "but" will be immediately regarded as a weakness. If the phrase follows further: “And what are you making excuses for? Do you feel something?"

Smile. It is important. This is confusing, makes the attacker nervous. This makes him fearful and act cautiously: “Why is he crushing his forehead? Maybe he knows what? And he himself mows down like a fool.

If you met complete scumbags, then you won’t have to talk for a long time. But in reality, such specimens are extremely rare - this is a mental pathology. Almost every person has a taboo on unreasonable aggression. That is, you always need a reason, even the most ridiculous or far-fetched.

At the end, Vitaly remarked: “The main rule is not to turn around. Either don't start at all, or once you start, don't give up. Remember Russian fairy tales: don't look back. Who turned around - lost.

If you are shouted "Come here!". You have to stop to show that you're interested. Do not answer "You yourself come here!". You stand waiting for someone to come to you. They come up and say “What’s deaf?” or in this type. Answer: “How can I help?”

2 step

Or the situation started differently. They approach you and extend their hand to say hello. Do not shake hands because a normal kid will not shake hands with the first person you meet (in prison, they don’t generally shake hands by the hand). Say "Who are you?" you have a right to it. He says “I'm local here” or something else. Answer "I don't know you". He says, “What do you want to say hello to the bastard?”. You answer “I don’t know you, maybe you’re not a kid at all, someone knows you (the main thing here should be a hint).

3 step

Questions such as: “Give me the phone”, “Who are you in life”, etc. You can skip saying “I don’t know you”, but if they continue, answer them with the question “For what purpose are you interested?”. Then it will probably be “What are you being rude about?”, “What do you want to talk about with the boys?” and so on.
For example situation.
-What do you want to bazaar with normal boys in a bastard? (Here you can’t make excuses, he says “no, not in a bastard”, this will be a loss)
- You didn't answer my question.
- And you on mine.
- Are you going to run into chaos?
Are you accusing me of something?
- Answer my question. Do I have the right to ask? (The word “take an interest” is important here, you can’t say ask in this situation because on a hair dryer it has a double meaning. They ask for something).

4 step

They'll probably say more.
- I'm interested in myself.
Answer.
-I do not know you. (In no case should this phrase be continued with such words as “I don’t want to know”, etc.
And here it is necessary to show with your appearance that the conversation is over (only with your appearance). If you smile, then stop.

5 step

The cycle may repeat itself. The main thing is to answer clearly.
If you have been asked for anything.
For example.
-Give me a glass.
-You are silent.
- What's wrong with you?
Here you are asking a question.
- Do you want to go?
- I'm asking you like a normal kid.
-Don't piss me off, I don't understand.

6 step

Important!
Don't make excuses.
Don't answer questions.
Do not comply with requests
Do not break into "high" tones - remain polite and calm.
Keep asking for an answer to your question.
Ask "uncomfortable" questions.

7 step

If these were gopniks who live according to the rules of the zone (concepts), then you will disperse on this. And if the scumbags (bespredelschik) then they can start fighting. But if you don't break down, you'll come out of it with dignity.
After that, they can even invite you to drink beer when they see you as a normal guy. But if not, you can leave.
Maybe in a different way at the end of the conversation they will threaten more - we do not answer this.

Conversation with a gopnik

The word "gopnik" comes from the well-known expression "gop-stop", which in the language of the thieves' world - fene, means robbery, illegal possession of material values.

Gopniks are not exactly criminals, as is often assumed. They are using very subtle tactics. At first, they “run into” the victim with words, thereby probing it, instilling fear or confusion, and only then they try to get a benefit for themselves, for example, to take some valuables: pocket money, a mobile phone, a watch. Better yet, make sure that the person standing in front of them gives them away. Although the gopnik may not take anything, it is extremely important for him to feel his superiority and make himself afraid.

In a conversation with a gopnik, you should not appeal to universal morality and quote the laws of the Constitution. Gopniks live by their own laws - the laws of the street and the thieves' world. This is their trump card, that from the very beginning they impose their rules on the victim and make them play according to them on their own field. But since we, ordinary people, do not know their rules, concepts and expressions, the best way to communicate with gopota is to answer their questions as little as possible and not give specific information about yourself. After all, the more you talk to them, the more they get the opportunity to catch on to something.

Let's take a closer look at a variant of the standard scenario of a meeting with a street gopnik, which was shared with us by a familiar expert in the field of street conflicts.

1. "Hey, come here!"

Phrases like: "Hey, wait!" or "Come here!" - this is already partly aggression, an invasion of your personal territory, the beginning of a psychological struggle. So they are already probing you, checking what test you are made of. The main thing is not to be cowardly ahead of time, even if you are clearly inferior in strength, not to rush to conclusions and in no case approach. The one who starts the actions must justify them, so he must definitely come up. This "invitation" tries you on the tooth, so it's better to resist at the beginning. The first impression is the most important, so you can not spoil it. You can stand or go further where you went. Confidently and firmly, without lowering your head and eyes, it is advisable not to slouch and straighten your back.

As you yourself understand, answers like “Come here yourself!” are not suitable, unless you are a combat sambo champion. Rude phrases will provoke an open conflict. And that is exactly what they expect from you. “Why are you rude?”, “What a cheeky one?” and off we go. Don't give them wood for the fire.

If they say: "Can't you hear?", "Deaf?", do not answer these questions, use zero reaction. This is the next test of "loh" you or "normal kid." In response, you stupidly freeze, as if you don’t understand what’s the matter, be calm, as if there is an army of healthy heroes behind your back.

Your first words:

Something happened? Do we know each other? I do not know you!

With such calmness, the interlocutor will, of course, not be afraid of you, but at least he will already be afraid to some extent. The question will involuntarily arise in his head: “Why are you so calm? Maybe you are a boxer, a bandit, the son of an oligarch, a police officer without a uniform, a local authority behind whom 20 scumbags are even cooler than himself? But whoever you are, you clearly don’t look like a speech therapist who can be bred.”

In no case do not continue the conversation with sharp remarks like: “I’m not going to talk to you at all”, “What do you care?”, “Who are you to answer me?”. This is already rudeness for them, and they need it. Speak only neutral phrases. As long as you have not given a formal reason for aggression, you are quite in a comfortable position.

2. Welcome handshake - the fox method

It is possible that your “nice conversation” will not begin with a rude attack by a gopnik, but with the fact that he will approach and friendlyly extend his hand to you. Say hello like a boy (reminiscent of the Fox method in Russian fairy tales and fables). What does he want? It is possible that this is one of the main tricks: after such a gesture of "good will" in the future, if you suddenly suddenly want to stop talking to him and leave, he will be able to resent the fact that you stopped communicating with him, which will give him extra points : “I rolled up to you like a kid, shook my claws. Was it so!? Was! And the guys saw everything. He shook my hand, and then you started throwing show-offs at me and didn’t want to talk!” Therefore, for insurance, it is better not to touch it at all.

Yes, it is very difficult to withstand a look and an outstretched hand, while not shaking it, because the stencils of politeness have been hammered into us deeply since childhood. The hand will stretch itself, but hold it. Behind the mask of friendliness, a cunning fox may be hiding. It's not just that he approached you. So he needs something. Do you remember the folk wisdom that nothing just happens? So the approach of this individual has some kind of goal, and it’s definitely unprofitable for you. You look at him carefully, narrowing your eyes a little:

Who are you? I do not know you. Do we know each other?

I understand that this is difficult, especially if your opponent is clearly bigger than you or there is a crowd behind him. But you have the right to this according to his own concepts: the “right kid” will not shake hands with the first person he meets, without first knowing who is standing in front of him. In prison, for example, they don't shake hands at all. And the order of the prison for a gopnik is sacred. And you do not have to press the first paw that comes across. You can directly tell him about it. So he will have suspicions that you know the orders and rules of another world, the laws of which he honors.

1) Who are you and where are you from?

2) Do you have 10 rubles?

3) Do you drink beer, are you celebrating something?

4) What do you do in life?

Questions can be different, both friendly and offensive. In no case do not give an answer right away! Look calmly and confidently ask: “Do we know each other?”

If the incomprehensible questions of the gopnik continue, then it is necessary to go on the offensive further: ask concretizing counter questions without answering him.

For what purpose are you interested? (universal answer)

Why these questions? Do you need something specific?

It is important to understand and remember the main thing - in order to attack you, you need a reason. Aggression without a reason is chaos even for the street gopniks themselves. After all, if they were complete scumbags and wanted to beat you, they would have done it right away. They expect a formal reason from you and try in every possible way to find it, to provoke it. As long as you don't give it, you're safe. Therefore, do not make the slightest concession - do not answer anything specifically. As soon as you answer something, even the most neutral, but in essence the question, you will already fall for the bait. And if after that you want to interrupt the conversation, the opponent has the “moral right” to accuse you of disrespecting yourself, to get the very reason to proceed to presenting your case. After all, you “supported” the conversation at the beginning, and then refused to develop it. "And it's ugly, they don't do that." Therefore, it is better to keep at the beginning.

Of course, you will not receive a direct answer from him to your counter question: “For what purpose ...”, of course. He will get out and try to squeeze you. There are many options for further development of the conversation on his part:

1) And what, it’s dirty to talk with the boys?

2) Che what impudent?

3) Are you being rude?

4) You don't respect me?

5) I didn’t understand, why…?

In response to such phrases, do not make excuses! In all cases, you need to stupidly continue to stick to your line. In no case, do not answer the following: "I respect you, but ...", "I'm not being rude, but ...". Your "but" will be immediately regarded as a weakness. No “no”, “not”, and even more so “but”.

Zapadlo to talk with normal boys?

You didn't answer my question.

And you on mine!

Are you going to run into chaos?

Are you accusing me of something?

Just answer my question. I have the right to INTEREST!

And I'm purely interested in myself!

Attention! It is "INTEREST", not "ASK". "Ask" has a double meaning in the Fene language: asking someone for something, this will immediately be regarded as a collision. Therefore, it is better not to use this word at all in such a conversation.

Bad example:

I have the right to ask.

What? Ask me? For what? Justify!

Everything, the reason is found.

“I’m interested for myself” - the on-duty standard phrase-answer of the street people stuck to the question: “For what purpose are you interested?” As soon as you heard this, it means that the enemy faltered (or he has nothing to say). Like it turns out that he just came up to ask for himself and nothing personal. Now the main thing is not to go too far.

The purpose of his tackle was, of course, to probe and run over. But he will never admit this, because hitting without a reason is also condemned in his circles. Therefore, before the collision, he makes every effort to check who is standing in front of him, and then, based on the information received, decides what reason to find.

Perhaps the cycle of questions can be repeated again in different variations. Just stick to your position - whoever started the conversation must justify the reason.

Therefore, for the next “Western to talk with normal boys?” or “Why are you answering a question with a question?”, You can rightly tell him that whoever came up and started a conversation should explain the reason, otherwise it’s not according to concepts and looks like lawlessness, and the right guys don’t fix it out of the blue! So you ask a question that leads him to a dead end - he cannot answer, but, by his own rules, he is obliged to do so.

Or can you directly say: “Did you get a snitch?” or “Checking for the Loch suit?” And then continue to tell him that there are no jambs behind you and that you are the right kid in life, and this looks like a collision with lawlessness! After that, the gopnik will probably have the idea that you are not some kind of "sucker", "reindeer herder" or abstruse "ochkosaur", but a person who lives by the rules (or, at least, who knows them) . After that, the gopnik will become more careful.

As already mentioned, many of the gopniks are not complete scumbags, but quite adequate boys, they will not beat anyone for no reason. They want to stumble upon a victim who, under pressure, will falter herself and give everything away. They, like other living beings, have a biological instinct for self-preservation, they do not want to come into conflict with a person from whom they can get problems. Therefore, they subtly test their victim to understand who they are dealing with. And the best option is to put yourself right from the very beginning, show firmness and not say anything superfluous.

4. Cautious conclusion

After the gopnik failed to find a reason to get to the bottom of you, he, of course, does not want to be a loser and be in a stupid position, so there are two options for the development of further events:

1) From hopelessness, he will start to fight with you, which will transfer him to the category of offenders (from the point of view of the law) and lawlessness (from the point of view of concepts). But he, most likely, will not need this, because if he wanted to beat him, he would do it right away.

2) He will begin to say that the goal was different - to get to know each other, to communicate in a purely friendly way, that is, he will try to somehow rehabilitate himself, get away from the “miss”, translate the result of the game into a draw. I think this will suit you quite well, so give him this opportunity:

Don't know me? Well, let's get to know each other!

After you introduced yourself, and then he, you can already shake hands.

If he adds: “I want to meet you like a normal kid” or “I see you are a normal kid”, you will earn yourself a ball. After all, he himself called you a “normal kid,” and these are not simple words for gopniks.

Example:

Let me smoke (call, 10 rubles)!

Listen, I don't know you.

Did I fall for you?

Loch suit check? (Do you want to hit me?)

I'm asking you like a normal kid!

Ball is yours! He makes excuses and calls you a "normal kid". If there are cigarettes and it’s not a pity to give, then you can treat them. After his last words, you definitely won’t look like a sucker from which a cigar was shaken. If there are no cigarettes, say that you would be glad to help, but you do not smoke.

5. Don't get carried away

If you did everything right and turned the situation around without letting yourself be broken, then it is quite reasonable to quickly say goodbye and leave. Otherwise, the feeling of defeat may cause a new wave of attacks on his part. Shake your hand, wish you luck and leave right away.

Attention! After meeting and shaking hands, cycles of regular questions can again follow. It is possible that the acquaintance itself was only a trick, therefore, until the very end, one must be vigilant and not relax. No matter how many such cycles there are, your task is the same - not to provide a reason. Do not make excuses, do not answer questions, do not fulfill requests, do not break into high tones. Stay polite and calm. In the case of his departure from the specifying question, continue to demand an answer. Ask questions like: “Is this a collision with lawlessness?”, “Did you decide to check for Lokhov’s suit?”.

And finally, as soon as you move away from him in your direction - do not turn around, do not stare at the gopnik. This may be regarded by him not quite correctly, which may lead to the continuation of an unpleasant conversation.

Once upon a time there was a case of 7 o'clock in the evening ...
We took a bottle of tonic with a friend and stood civilized, drank near the store, then suddenly one of the locals came up and extended his hand to say hello (as usual).
The usual questions went there: who are they, where do you drink from, on what occasion do you drink, then eight more people of different age groups pulled themselves up, everyone began to ask questions, who is good for what, who is about money, who is about cell phones, who is about concepts (who in life) , even options were offered (boy, man, dork) ...
What to do in such situations?
Thanks in advance.
M.

It’s impossible to cover everything at once, so we’ll consider the “free” option and delve into the general principles of combat on foreign territory. These are at the same time the basic principles of communication in the cell - the main thing is to understand their essence. So:

How to behave when meeting with "gopniks"?
Rabbits and boas: Their weapons are our fear
Our fear is that we do not know the rules by which "that" world operates. But we certainly respect them. Because these are the rules of the strong - concepts. We respect the world of the strong, the world of thieves and authorities. But direct access there is closed, a complete set of concepts is not available to a mere mortal. We certainly accept them, but we do not know their principles and norms. This is where the dog is buried. We accept the rules of the game without knowing them. Naturally, a more or less "bad" freak, even being a frail income, knowing a couple of "gadgets", will beat you in no time. Because you agreed to play by his rules. And a person who voluntarily agreed to play by the rules that he does not know is called a sucker.

Who are the gopniks
The word, as it should be understood, comes from the well-known “gop-stop” - which on a hair dryer means robbery or robbery, i.e. open possession of material values. Robbery - with weapons, robbery - without.
Gopniks are not exactly criminals. They follow a thin line - at first they “run into” the victim with a “bazaar”, probe it, cause fear, confusion. Moreover, this is done without a direct threat of violence - from the outside it will seem that the gopnik is politeness itself, and you, on the contrary, are a nervous, unbalanced, or even completely aggressive type. As a result of such a raid, the victim, as a rule, gives up his property himself - usually small money, mobile phones, watches. Although this is not the main thing for a gopnik - he may not take anything from you. He needs to feel superior. Make you afraid of him.
Everything is often on the verge of a "joke", a conversation "according to concepts", so then during the disassembly you can always say - he gave it to me himself. Which is often confirmed by the victim herself:
- Well, yes, I gave them myself ...
- Why?
- I don't know...
Did they threaten you? Did they say they would beat you, take them away?
No, they didn't threaten. Well, there ..., well, they said who they are in life ...
"Then why did you give it to them?"
- Don't know...
If you are in the police, then the opera begins to get nervous, or even go berserk, and, in the end, tries to get rid of you. There are no legal grounds. If the disassembly is among the lads, then you get the status of a sucker. And getting from a sucker is a sacred thing for a gopnik. He's a kid, you suck. Conceptually, he is right. The conversation is over.

How to answer questions like: “Hey, come here!”
This is a direct invitation to war - ie. the war is already on. Psychological. The main thing is not to be afraid and not to rush to approach, even if you are clearly inferior in strength. You don't have to openly show off your coolness, though. Whoever starts, he must justify his actions. Therefore, if you are only probed in this way, then you need to translate the “conversation” into a different direction.
So, according to the situation - stop or turn, in a word, express some interest. Don't come.
- Hey, come here, I said!
Answers like "come here yourself" are not good, you understand, unless you are a boxing champion.
Stand.
They come to you. Scary.
- Can't you hear? (frostbitten, swollen...)
Do not pay attention, freeze, like, further:
- Can I help you?

We are not fools
If your “conversation” did not start with a direct provocation like the one described above, then usually the gopnik will extend his hand to you at a meeting - he greets you like a kid. This obliges you to be moderately polite, to answer the first questions. What he is seeking. This is one of the main tricks of the gopnik - after such a gesture of "good will", he gets the right to "fairly" be indignant at the fact that you, for example, do not want to communicate with him. Plus, he immediately creates an alibi for himself - “I drove up to him like a kid, shook him with claws. Was it like that!?” - “Well, yes ...” - “And people saw it. And then he began to build show-offs for me ... ". 1:0 in favor of gopa.
We break off at the very beginning. It is very difficult to endure - a look and an outstretched hand to you. The patterns of politeness are etched deep into us. The hand stretches. We hold on. We look in the face. We smile.
- Who are you?
I know that this is difficult, especially if your opponent is clearly stronger than you or there is a crowd behind him. But you HAVE THE RIGHT TO THIS. The right kid will not shake hands with the first person he meets, without first knowing who is in front of him. In prison, they don’t shake hands at all, for example - and the rules of a prison for a gopnik are sacred. And you are not obliged to reap the first paw that comes across. “Or maybe you’re not a kid at all - who knows you,” you hint. But you hint in such a way that he has no right to accuse you of something. And besides, he suspects that you know the rules of the game.
Your main task is to remain within the framework of ITS rules, to break off the gopnik with his own methods - you should not appeal to universal morality and quote the Constitution. This is the gopnik's trump card, that he imposes his rules on you and makes you play according to them on your own field. So that's what we do - we play with a serious look in the proposed game.

Hitting the bazaar
If they obviously didn’t come to beat you, then the second part follows - “running over by the bazaar”. In any case, if you are not yet lying on the pavement, and people are talking to you, then everything is in order. You, in fact, if not feared, then at least feared.
- ... who are you, where are you from?
- ... let me see the phone.
- ...have money?
- ... on what occasion do we drink?
- ... who are you in life?

Freezing(may be skipped)
So. Smile ALWAYS and say:
- I do not know you.
Go (stand) further.
If that doesn't work (most likely it doesn't) and the questions continue and the intonation intensifies, then you need to go on the offensive:

The best defense is an attack
The universal answer - always works:
- For what purpose are you interested?
It is important to understand and remember the main thing - you need a reason to attack you. Aggression without a reason is chaos. A reason is expected of you. As long as you don't give it, you are safe.
In no case do not make the slightest concession - do not answer anything. NOT FOR A SINGLE, even a completely innocent, QUESTION. As soon as you answered something, even the most neutral, but essentially the question, and you want to interrupt the conversation later, the aggressor has the “moral right” to accuse you of disrespecting yourself, i.e. get that very right to move on to tough action. After all, you “supported” the conversation, and then refuse to continue. Not pretty.
Of course, you won't get a direct answer to your question. A lot of options for further development:
- And what, zapadlo with the boys to talk?
- Are you being rude?
- You do not respect me?
- I didn't understand...

Never make excuses
In all cases, you need to "stupidly" continue your topic. In no case, again (see above) do not answer questions - "I respect you, but ...", "I'm not being rude, but ...". Your "but" will be immediately regarded as a weakness. If the phrase “What are you making excuses for? Do you feel something behind you? or something like it, then you will have nothing to answer it with. This is a 100% trick - it doesn't matter what you answer or just keep quiet, everything will be turned as an attempt to either justify or be rude.
- I'm not making excuses - look at yourself from the outside, you yourself understand that it just sounds stupid. But still, speak up.
- Justify.
Why should I justify?
Because you're making excuses.
- I'm not making excuses!
– What are you doing now?
– I... well... yes well you! I do not want to talk to you.
Oh, and you're also a brute...
All. Then either flight, or beating, or humiliation with the seizure of material values.

Breaking the situation
- What, zapadlo with normal (!) Boys to talk? is a likely response to your counterattack.
Remember - no "no", "not", and even more so "but".
- You didn't answer my question.
It's okay to keep smiling.
- And you on mine.
- Are you going to run into chaos?
Are you accusing me of something?
- Answer my question. Do I have the right to ask?
Pay attention - it is "to ask." "Ask" has a double meaning on the hair dryer - they ask someone for something that will immediately be regarded as a collision - "I have the right to ask." - "What? Ask me? For what? Justify." Everything, again, a dead end, you are in a bag.
- I'm interested in myself.
“I’m interested for myself” is a duty phrase-answer to the question “for what purpose are you interested?”. Everything is fine. As soon as you heard something like that, the enemy faltered - you forced the "right kid" to make excuses. Now the main thing is not to go too far.
- I do not know you.
In no case should you continue this phrase: “I’m not going to talk to you”, “why should I answer you”, “it’s none of your business”. Only stupidly neutral phrases. As long as you haven't given a formal casus belli, you're in a better position.
We stop smiling, we show with all appearance that the conversation is over.

Hold positions
The cycle can be repeated in different variations. You just hold on to your position, the meaning of which is - WHO STARTED THE TALK, THAT SHOULD SUBSTITUTE THE REASON.
In fact, there is ONE reason, and you must remember about it - TO PROVOKE YOU AND GET THE MORAL RIGHT to attack, insult, humiliate, hit, take away. But, of course, the “right kid” will never voice it, because then he himself will recognize himself as a lawlessness. And this is no longer according to the concepts - the right guys do not fix chaos. Those. you ask a question that he cannot answer, but, by his own rules, he must. In chess, this is called a "fork" - with one piece we attack two. The only choice left to the opponent is which piece to lose.
The fact is that it is impossible to admit that the purpose of the tackle was to run over, as you understand. Gopnik must comply with the laws of thieves' diplomacy and remain within the law. To remain silent or to leave - in fact, means tacitly admitting that everything was just the way it was. And this is to lower yourself in the eyes of your comrades and your own.
This is your clear victory. But no one wants to be defeated, even though such a turn of events is quite likely. The admission of defeat, of course, can be offset by insults or promises to “meet again” - this is the last attempt to provoke you. We just keep quiet.

Don't sag
In no case do not fulfill small requests - by any concept, you can demand to state the reason at the beginning or qualify it as a direct collision. What do you have to say directly.
- Give me a glass.
– ...
We are silent, we smile. Waiting for accusations...
- You're in the bastard, or what?
... and go on the counterattack.
- Checking for the Loch suit? (or: - Do you want to run into me?)
- I'm asking you like a normal kid.
You earned a point, it justifies. And he calls you a “normal kid” in front of everyone. One more point.
- Ah. I'm sorry, i do not understand. On the.

A draw on a foreign field is a victory
If you don’t want to be defeated, then only one thing remains for the gopu -
1. either start beating you, which puts him into the category of offenders from the point of view of the law or into the category of lawless people from the point of view of concepts. He does not need this, because the gop just wants to rise at the expense of your humiliation.
2. either "admit" that the goal was different - to meet, chat, spend time together. That is, avoid defeat. Which is what was required. A draw on a foreign field suits us just fine.
"Fork" - he already chooses only between which option of defeat to accept. He's most likely not stupid.
- You don't know me? Well, let's get to know each other.
You can shake your paws.

Don't get carried away with winning
If you feel a fracture, then you may well give him the opportunity to rehabilitate himself in your eyes and in the eyes of the boys. This is what needs to be done - otherwise the feeling of defeat will most likely lead to a new wave of aggression, which the bazaar can no longer stop.
After acquaintance, however, cycles of the same answers and questions may again follow, and the acquaintance itself was only a trick - you just need to be WARNING and in no case relax. No matter how many such cycles there are, your task is the same - not to provide a reason. Again, this means:
Don't make excuses.
Don't answer questions.
Do not comply with requests
Do not break into "high" tones - remain polite and calm.
Keep asking for an answer to your question.
Ask "uncomfortable" questions.

we smile
Notice we smile. It is important. This is confusing, makes the attacker nervous. This makes him afraid and act cautiously - “why is he crushing his forehead? Maybe he knows what? And he himself mows like a fool ... "

Even...
If you met complete scumbags, then you won’t have to talk for a long time. But in reality, such specimens are extremely rare - this is a mental pathology. Almost every person has a taboo on unreasonable aggression. Those. you always need a reason, even the most ridiculous or far-fetched. Concepts are about the same.
Even if you suffer, then, firstly, save your dignity, respect in the face of friends and yourself. And even enemies, which means a lot in the long run. And, secondly, both the law and concepts are on your side, and you may well demand satisfaction, having gained strength, for example, in the form of support from friends. You are no longer a sucker, but a warrior, just a loser in a battle, but not the whole war.

Mistakes
There are two possible strategic mistakes here:
- fear will take over and you will give up, starting to mutter something inarticulate and willingly give everything that you are “asked”.
- you will feel on a horse and decide to develop success by exceeding the allowable dose of collision - most likely, in this case you will be beaten.

Test Passed
If you don’t make mistakes, and your “opponent” doesn’t leave the battlefield himself, then you may well make new friends, or even the best Kents.
And if a turning point has already occurred, then maybe you should not give up on further developments - it is likely that you will be offered to drink beer together, have fun.
No wonder this person came up to you. Nothing random happens in the world.
This often happens - if you pass the test for "boyishness", you become not only an equal, but also a respected equal. In crowds of gopniks, there are usually one or two "real" boys, the rest are sticky. The leader always knows this and, in general, he is not interested in them - these are his miserable copies.
Therefore, quite honestly and sincerely, they may want you as a friend.
The choice is yours. If not, then no. They patted each other on the shoulder, and even embraced in a brotherly way. The market is over, consumption.

The last and most important rule
(T. Belous, V. Tulyakov)
Did they run into you?! Instruction
Protection against robbery, attacks of hooligans ( Alexander Buryak)

(Based on the materials of the course “Psycho suppression.
The Art of Winning Tough Negotiations

Many of our actions are performed according to an integral scenario, and as a result of repeated repetitions, they become automatic: shaking hands, lighting a cigarette, getting up from a chair, etc.

When an action has passed into the category of automatic, a person is aware only of its beginning and end (for getting up from a chair: you are aware of yourself either sitting or standing; you do not have to control the tension of the muscles of the body that provide the action itself).

There are similar patterns in thinking: when a stimulus is presented to a person, you expect to receive a certain reaction in advance (for example, when you compliment a woman, you expect her to say: “Thank you”).

At the same time, at the moment of breaking the template action (that is, the action that a person perceives as continuous), the subject falls into confusion, very close to a hypnotic trance state, and takes any command literally. It is used both for treatment and for scaring away.

The main thing when breaking a pattern is not to do what is expected of you. When a gopnik sticks to your child on the street, then he has a certain “scenario” in advance - a mental template for future behavior for himself and for a potential “victim”.

At the same time, the gopnik calculated in advance how to behave if the “victim” refuses to let him smoke (“What, bitch, is it a pity ?!”). There is a template in case there is a smoke (“What are you, a bastard, giving raw?!”). Even for the most unexpected, it would seem, case - and that is a template (“Who did you send?”). Therefore, it is necessary to break all patterns of communication.

Always the driving force of offenders is the fear of their victim. This can be based on teaching the child psychological protection. An opponent equal in strength of spirit (namely spirit) can become either a friend or an enemy, but he will not be hunted down.

How to answer questions like: “Hey, come here!”. If they shout “Come here!”, you need to stop waiting. Do not answer "You yourself come here!". Have your child stand and wait for someone to approach him. They come up, they say "What's deaf?" or in this type (frostbitten, swollen). He replied: "Is there anything I can do to help?"

We are not fools. Or the situation started differently. They come up and shake hands. You should not shake hands, because a normal kid will not shake hands with the first person he meets (in prison, whose laws are sacred for gopniks, they generally don’t shake hands).

Instead, ask: "Who are you?" - there is always a right to it. Gopnik says: "I'm local here" or something else. Answer: "I don't know you." This is followed by “What do you want to say hello to the bastard?”. The answer is “I don’t know you, maybe you’re not a kid at all. Who knows you ”(here the main thing should be a hint). But you need to hint in such a way that the gopnik did not have the opportunity to blame your child for something. Instead, the gopnik must understand that his interlocutor knows the rules of the game.

Here the main task is to remain within the framework of ITS rules, to break off the gopnik with his own methods - you should not appeal to universal morality and quote the Constitution. This is the trump card of the gopniks, that they impose their rules on the victims and force them to play according to them on their own field. So you should seriously play the proposed game.

Arrival at the bazaar. If your son obviously did not come to beat, then the second part follows - “collision with a bazaar”. In any case, if he is not yet lying on the pavement, and people are talking to him, then everything is in order.

1. Gop: There are little things

Your child: Yes

Gop: Give

Your child: No

Gop: Is it a pity or are you a rat?

Your child: No to distribute or Himself a little

2. Gop: Is there a device, well, is there a carochi?

Your child: Yes

Hop: Let me see

Your child: No, go to the store and look or Phone as a phone, what to look at

3. Gop: Do you have a mobile phone?

Your child: Yes, but what do you not have?

Gop: No.

Your child: And if I find it?!

4. Gop: Hey, why are you talking like that?

Your child: As I enjoy it, I talk.

5. Gop: Who are you in life?

Your child: Boy.

Gop: Prove that you are a kid?

Your child: Let's go to the toilet, I'll prove it.

6. Gop: Let's go away.

Your child: I'm not bad here either.

The best defense is an attack. Universal answer - always works:

For what purpose are you interested?

It is important to understand and remember the main rule of the gopniks: you need a reason to attack. Aggression without a reason is chaos. Your child is waiting for a reason. As long as he doesn't give it, he's relatively safe.

Never make excuses. In all cases, you need to persistently continue your topic. In no case do not answer questions - "I respect you, but ...", "I'm not being rude, but ...". The particle "but" will be immediately regarded as a weakness. Then the phrase will follow: “What are you making excuses for? Do you feel something behind you? or something similar to it, and we will have nothing to answer it with. This is a 100% trick - it does not matter what exactly your child answers or is simply silent, everything will be turned as an attempt to either justify or be rude.

Example:

Your child: I'm not making excuses (you must agree, it sounds silly).

Gop: Justify.

Your child: Why should I justify?

Gop: Because you're making excuses.

Your child: Yes, I'm not making excuses!

Gop: What are you doing now?

Your child: I... well... yes you! I do not want to talk to you.

Gop: Oh, you're also a rude...

Breaking the situation

Gop: What, zapadlo to talk with normal boys? (in response to a question asked)

Remember - no "no", "not", and even more so "but".

Your child: You didn't answer my question.

Gop: And you on mine.

Your child: Are you going to run into lawlessness?

Gop: Are you accusing me of something?

Your child: Answer my question. Do I have the right to ask?

Pay attention - it is "to ask." "Ask" has a double meaning in the hair dryer (thieves' jargon) - they ask someone for something that will immediately be regarded as a hit-and-run - "I have the right to ask." - "What? Ask me? For what? Justify." Everything, again a dead end.

I'm interested for myself.

“I’m interested for myself” is a duty phrase-answer to the question “for what purpose are you interested?”. Everything is fine. As soon as something like that sounded, the enemy faltered - the “right kid” began to make excuses. Now the main thing is not to go too far.

I do not know you.

In no case should you continue this phrase: "And I'm not going to talk to you", "Why should I answer you", "It's none of your business." Only neutral phrases. As long as your child has not given a formal casus belli, he is in a better position.

We stop smiling, we show with all appearance that the conversation is over.

Hold positions. The cycle can be repeated in different variations. Your child should just hold on to his position, the meaning of which is - who started the conversation, he must justify the reason.

In fact, there is only one reason for this conversation, and it is worth remembering about it - provoke your child and get the moral right to attack, insult, humiliate, hit, take away.

But, of course, the “right kid” will never voice it, because then he himself will recognize himself as a lawlessness. And this is no longer according to the concepts - the right guys do not fix chaos.

Therefore, your child should ask questions that the gopnik cannot answer, but, according to his own rules, is obliged. In chess, this is called a "fork" - with one piece we attack two. The only choice left to the opponent is which piece to lose.

The fact is that it is impossible to admit that the purpose of the tackle was to run over, as you understand. Gopnik must comply with the laws of thieves' diplomacy and remain within the law. To remain silent or leave - in fact, means tacitly admitting that everything was just the way it was. And this is to sink in the eyes of your comrades and your own.

Clear victory. But no one wants to be defeated, even though such a turn of events is quite likely. Admission of defeat, of course, can be offset by insults or promises to "meet again" - this is the last attempt to provoke your child. You just need to be silent.

Don't bend. In no case should your child fulfill the petty requests of the gopnik - instead, he should demand to state the reason first or qualify it as a direct hit. What to say directly.

Gop: Give me a glass.

- …

Your child is silent, smiling. Waiting for accusations...

Gop: You're a bastard, or what?

... and goes on the counterattack.

Your child: Checking for a Loch suit? (or: - Do you want to run into me?)

Gop: I ask you like a normal kid (Gopnik makes excuses. And in front of everyone he calls your child a “normal kid.” Two points earned).

Your child: Ah. I'm sorry, i do not understand. On the.

A draw on a foreign field is a victory. If you don’t want to be defeated, then the gopnik remains -

1. Either start beating your interlocutor, which puts him into the category of offenders from the point of view of the law and into the category of lawless people from the point of view of concepts. He does not need this, because the gop just wants to rise at the expense of someone else's humiliation.

2. Either "admit" that the goal was different - to meet, chat, spend time together. That is, avoid defeat. Which is what was required. A draw on a foreign field suits us just fine.

"Fork" - he already chooses only between which option of defeat to accept. Most likely he is not a fool: - You do not know me? Well, let's get acquainted (you can shake your paws).

Don't get carried away with winning. If a fracture occurs on the battlefield, you can give the gopnik the opportunity to rehabilitate himself in his own eyes and in the eyes of the boys. This is how it should be done - otherwise the feeling of defeat will most likely lead to a new wave of aggression, which can no longer be stopped by talking.

After acquaintance, however, cycles of the same answers and questions may again follow, and the acquaintance itself was only a trick - you just need to be vigilant and in no case relax.

No matter how many such cycles there are, the task is the same - not to provide a reason.

This means:

Don't make excuses;

Do not answer questions;

Do not comply with requests;

Do not break into "high" tones - remain polite and calm;

Continue to demand an answer to your question;

Ask "uncomfortable" questions.

We smile. It is important. This is confusing, makes the attacker nervous. This makes him afraid and act cautiously - “why is he crushing his cheek? Maybe he knows what? And he himself mows like a fool ... ".

Even… If your child met complete scumbags, then you won’t have to talk for a long time. But in reality, such specimens are extremely rare - this is a mental pathology. Almost every person has a taboo on unreasonable aggression. Those. you always need a reason, even the most ridiculous or far-fetched. The thieves' concepts also speak of this.

Even if your child suffers, then, firstly, he will retain his dignity, respect in the face of friends and himself. And even enemies, which means a lot in the long run. And, secondly, both the law and concepts are on his side, and he may well demand satisfaction, having gained strength, for example, in the form of support from friends. He is no longer a sucker, but a warrior who has just lost the battle, but not the entire war.

Mistakes. There are two possible strategic mistakes here:

Fear will take over and the child will break down, starting to mutter something inarticulate and will readily give everything that is “asked” from him;

He will feel on horseback and decide to develop success by exceeding the allowable dose of collision - most likely, in this case he will be beaten.

To teach your child to speak effectively in such stressful situations, I recommend that you periodically work out such communication with him at home. This will allow your son to remember the correct speech patterns and not forget them in "combat conditions".

Check passed. If your child does not make a mistake, and his “opponent” does not leave the battlefield himself, then he may sincerely want to continue communication.

This is often the case - if the test for “boyishness” is passed, you become not only an equal, but also a respected equal. In crowds of gopniks, there are usually one or two "real" boys, the rest are sticky. The leader always knows this and, in general, he is not interested in them - these are his miserable copies.

Therefore, your son, quite honestly and sincerely, may want to be friends.

Choosing it. If not, then no. They patted each other on the shoulder, and even embraced in a brotherly way. The market is over, consumption.

The favorite technique of hooligans is based on exerting rough mental pressure on a weaker opponent with their aggressive behavior, which often turns into direct physical impact.

What is important for such characters? Creating entertainment for yourself in the form of humiliating the weaker and building the image of a hero in the eyes of your friends.

The victim's reaction to such bullying, which is within the framework of the bully's scenario, makes his actions win-win. This scenario can be conditionally expressed as follows: “If this goat gets cold feet and runs away, then everyone will see how scary I am” (and this is one of the features of the image of the hero in the understanding of the bully). “If he jumps on me, then I will break off his horns, and everyone will see how cool I am” (the second trait of the hero). “If he breaks off my horns, then my bruises and scars will be my military orders, testifying to my resistance and indifference to pain” (another stroke in the desired image).

Let me remind you that the bully scenario already includes the possibility of physical harm. But the secondary (psychological) utility of the bumps and bruises he receives far outweighs the physical damage and pain he experiences. Therefore, a primitive scuffle does not have any educational effect on the bully.

How should a bully be properly punished?

He needs to inflict such physical damage in which there will be no secondary utility for him. The best punishment option that goes beyond the scenario of a bully is a public spanking. Can you imagine what it would be like for a hefty blockhead when, in the presence of his friends, his pants are pulled down and flogged with rods? First, it hurts. Secondly, it's embarrassing. Thirdly, you won’t be particularly proud of the scars on your ass in front of your friends.

If such a bully is wound up in the classroom or in the yard, who terrorizes the entire district, then the best thing your child can do is to organize several victims of such a bully and arrange for him the “spanking” described above, or better, a series of similar events.

At the same time, the bully should each time clearly explain that if you try to catch you one by one, the group spanking will invariably repeat itself, in a much more severe form.

Also, for the time being, while the bully is bitterly defeated, it's best for your kids to stay close to each other. When the acute period is over, the bully will most likely switch to other victims who are unable to fight back together.

It should be noted that in nature, group baiting by weak animals of their strong enemy is quite common. Any zoologist can tell a lot of real stories about how some harmless birdies, united in a flock of furious furies, drove a formidable predator from their nests. And, what is most interesting, usually a predator does not even try to snap at such a mobbing, but, with his tail between his legs, he simply tries to get out as quickly as possible. Apparently, the personal and species experience of such predators indicates that they have no protection from group persecution.

But there is a hidden danger here: once you feel your strength in the group, your child may be tempted to start crushing weaker children. Your parenting is extremely important here.