"I am 14 years old. When scandals at school become unbearable, I take a pocket knife and try to hurt myself as much as possible. When I don't have a knife at hand, I stick a ballpoint pen into my skin or scratch myself until I bleed. I don't know why, but when I do this, it makes me feel better. It's like I'm pulling a splinter out of my body. Everything is fine with me?" We also receive such alarming letters from teenagers.

There are also letters from parents: “My daughter is 15 years old. Recently I noticed burn marks on her arm. It’s impossible to talk about it; she takes any word I say with hostility and refuses to meet with a psychologist. I feel completely powerless and don’t know what to do now.”

Blade marks on the forearm, cigarette burns on the body, cut up legs - almost 38% of teenagers have tried to injure their body at least once. The realization that their own child is harming himself horrifies parents. The automatic, at the level of a reflex, desire to relieve him of pain encounters an unusual obstacle - the absence of an enemy and an external threat. And the question remains: “Why did he do it?”

Contact with your body

Growing children, from about 11–12 years old, change their desires, interests, behavior - their inner world becomes different. It is especially difficult for teenagers to adapt to changes in their body. Arms and legs stretch, gait changes, the plasticity of movements and voice become different. The body suddenly begins to behave willfully: erotic fantasies and treacherously spontaneous erections in boys; Menstruation, often painful in girls, can also begin at any moment - at school, during training.

“The body seems to become something separate,” says family psychotherapist Inna Khamitova. “Hurting yourself is one way to get in touch with him.” The behavior of teenagers resembles the gesture of a person who is having a bad dream: he wants to stop it, pinch himself and wake up.”

Scary world

At 37 years old, Tatiana clearly remembers those years when she cut her thighs: “I grew up in a family where it was forbidden to complain - my parents did not understand this. As a teenager, I couldn’t find the words to express everything that was tormenting me at that moment, and I began to cut myself. Now I understand that this was a way not only to deceive adults, but also to console myself: now I know why I feel so bad.”

Teenagers, damaging their bodies, experience... an infantile sense of their own omnipotence

Many modern teenagers, like Tatyana once, find it difficult to express their feelings - they don’t know themselves enough, and they are frightened by adults’ distrust of their feelings. In addition, many simply do not know how to speak openly and honestly about themselves. Having no other means to relieve mental stress, teenagers force themselves to experience pain.

“In this way they struggle with immeasurably greater suffering,” says psychotherapist Elena Vrono, “after all, it is difficult to trust yourself if you are sure that no one understands you, and the world is hostile. And even if this is not the case, the behavior of many teenagers is controlled by precisely this idea of ​​themselves and the world.” However, their actions, which frighten adults, are not related to the desire to give up their lives. On the contrary, they confirm the desire to live - to cope with suffering and restore peace of mind.

Pain relief

The paradox of the moment is that teenagers, damaging their bodies, experience... an infantile sense of their own omnipotence. “The body remains the only reality that completely belongs only to them,” explains Inna Khamitova. - By damaging it, they can stop at any time. By controlling their body in such a wild (from the point of view of adults) way, they feel that they are controlling their lives. And this reconciles them with reality.”

And yet their frightening behavior speaks of a desire to live - to cope with suffering and regain peace of mind

Physical pain always muffles mental pain, which they cannot control, because you cannot force someone you love to love, you cannot change your parents... It can also indicate experienced violence (mental, physical or sexual).

“By showing wounds that a teenager has inflicted on himself,” says sociologist David le Breton, “he unconsciously draws attention to those that are not visible. The cruelty that children show towards themselves allows them to avoid showing it towards others. It acts in the manner of bloodletting in ancient times: it relieves excessive internal tension.”

They hurt themselves so they don't feel pain anymore. Many teens report feeling a sense of relief after self-inflicted wounds. 20-year-old Galina also writes about this: “After the cuts, moments of absolute happiness came. All the dark feelings seemed to flow out of me along with the blood. I stretched out on the bed and finally felt better.” It is this kind of peace that entails the risk of becoming dependent: destroying yourself in order to feel better. It is based on the analgesic effect of endorphins - hormones that are produced in the body to drown out pain.

Family frames

“I cut myself from about 14 to 17 years old,” recalls 27-year-old Boris. - And he stopped only when, having become a student, he left home. Today, thanks to psychoanalysis, I came to the conclusion that this is how I experienced my mother’s hostility. She didn’t want me to be born and made it clear to me every day. To her, I was the most worthless creature who would never achieve anything. I felt terrible guilt and regularly punished myself for not being worthy of her love.”

“A child who lacked tender touches in the first years of life may continue to experience this painfully as he grows up,” explains Elena Vrono. - The body, which he has never perceived as a source of pleasant sensations, remains detached, external to his personality. By injuring himself, he seems to destroy the boundary between internal and external.”

Cuts and wounds on visible parts of the body help children attract attention from adults.

Parents can increase the suffering of adolescents. “With the best of intentions, many of them try not to praise their children, as if this could spoil them,” says Inna Khamitova. - But children at any age need support and approval. They believe what we tell them. If adults constantly criticize a child, the child gets used to the idea that he is a bad (ugly, clumsy, cowardly) person. Self-harm can also become revenge for a sensitive teenager, a punishment for being so bad.”

But by hating themselves, teenagers do not understand that they actually hate others' opinions of themselves. This is confirmed by 16-year-old Anna: “I recently had a big fight with my best friend. She told me terrible things - that I didn't love anyone and that no one would ever love me. At home I felt so bad that I scratched all my knuckles on the plaster.”

The teenager thinks something like this: “At least towards myself I will act as I want.” And always cuts and wounds on visible parts of the body help children attract the attention of adults to themselves. These are signals that parents can no longer shrug off, attributing them to the peculiarities of the transition period.

Risk limit

It is important to understand the difference between single tests of strength (“Can I endure this?”), oaths of friendship written in blood, and repeated self-torture. The first are associated either with recognizing one’s “new” body and experimenting with it, searching for new sensations, or with rituals that exist among peers. These are passing signs of self-searching. Constant attempts to hurt yourself are a clear signal for parents that require contacting specialists. But in every case when teenagers show aggression towards themselves, it is necessary to understand what they want to say. And we must listen to them.

What to do?

Teenagers seek understanding and at the same time carefully protect their inner world from annoying intrusions. They want to talk - but cannot express themselves. “And therefore,” our experts believe, “perhaps the best interlocutor at this moment will not be parents, who find it difficult to remain passive listeners, but one of their relatives or acquaintances who can be nearby, sympathize and not panic.”

Sometimes all it takes to stop a child is... a good thrashing from the parents. In this paradoxical way, they make it clear that he has gone too far and express concern. But if such behavior becomes a habit or the wounds pose a threat to life, it is better to consult a psychologist without delay. It is especially important to do this in the case when a teenager withdraws into himself, begins to study poorly, feels constant drowsiness, loses appetite - such symptoms may be a sign of more serious psychological problems.

During adolescence, a child learns to independently solve the problems that confront him, often by trial and error. Teenagers without a sound vector (owners of any other seven vectors) have quite understandable material desires, and the point of application of effort is more obvious for them. What should teenagers do with a sound vector whose desires are in no way connected with the material world?

In my practice as a child psychiatrist, I often encounter adolescents who, upon examination, reveal self-cuts on their hands and traces of self-cauterization with cigarettes and other methods of self-harm. If these are boys 14-16 years old, then they often enlist through the military registration and enlistment office. If they are girls, it means that the teenager’s relatives or teachers noticed the self-cutting and self-harm and sounded the alarm. Most likely, there are even more such girls than I see at the reception. In this article I will talk about those children who hide such actions. They realize that they did something wrong. They wear long, tight sleeves to hide self-cuts on their arms from family and at school. Sometimes a tattoo is made over the scar to disguise self-cuts, self-harm and burns. What happens to such children? Why do they self-harm?

Why do teenagers self-cut and self-harm on their hands?

Nobody causes physical harm to themselves suddenly, out of the blue! Parents often comment on this in their own way: “You’re a fool, that’s why you did/did it!” Is it so? Or: “It’s from stress!” What kind of stress would cause a child to cut himself voluntarily?

Every person strives to gain joy from life. Do those actions that make him live well. But in the case of these children it does not work out that way. They can't live happily!

From conversations with teenagers who come with self-cutting and self-harm on their hands, I understand that these are the owners of a skin-sound ligament of vectors. Sometimes there are other vectors, for example visual, anal. Modern teenagers in large cities and especially megalopolises are complex, they are often polymorphic, owners of 3-5 vectors, with a large psyche, and it can be difficult to understand the reasons for their behavior. But with the help of system-vector psychology Yuri Burlan this is possible.

The meaning of adolescence. Causes of self-cutting and self-harm in adolescents. The role of the sound vector

After adolescence, the development of vectors ends, and in the future a person realizes the volume of psyche that he acquired in the process of development before puberty. During adolescence, a child learns to independently solve the problems that confront him, often by trial and error. Teenagers without (owners of any other seven vectors) have quite understandable material desires, and the point of application of effort is more obvious for them. What should teenagers do with a sound vector whose desires are in no way connected with the material world? At the same time, they have no information about themselves, about their psyche, and they do not understand what is happening to them.

The sound vector is a mental dominant. It is the sound vector that strives to reveal the intangible world, the plan of the World Order. This is his main desire, and when it is not fulfilled, a person experiences mental suffering. It often begins in adolescence. During this period, a lot of new things happen for the child. Hormonal changes in the body begin, the desire to please the opposite sex appears, the desire to establish yourself in the teenage team, to find your place. And then the question arises about the meaning of life.

If earlier philosophy, music, physics eased the condition of sound people and occupied their minds, now they no longer do. Thus, dissatisfaction gradually begins to grow in the teenager’s sound vector. Especially if he grew up or is growing up in an unfavorable sound environment - he hears screams and quarrels of his parents, unwanted meanings addressed to him.

A teenager with a sound vector needs to strain his abstract intellect, given to him by nature, but he does not know the peculiarities of his psyche, often does not know his abilities. He doesn’t understand where he wants to study - everything is “not right” for him, so he enters an educational institution on the advice of his parents or wherever he has to.

It may turn out that a formerly excellent student, winner of olympiads in mathematics and physics, going at random, finds himself in an environment where he fails to properly apply the innate properties of the sound vector. And the lack of sound in him grows and grows, pressing down more and more. They say about such children: “he used to be the hope of the school, but nothing worthwhile grew out of him, he achieved nothing.” I mean, he couldn’t realize himself in society because of the suffering in his sound vector, which he himself doesn’t know what to do with.

Communicating in the company of peers, the teenager notices that he is not like everyone else, as if out of this world. He can’t live like others (people without a sound vector), no matter how hard he tries!

I often came across teenagers who, in depressed states, went to wander around the city and cemeteries at night. Their parents were looking for them, the police were looking for them. They were attributed to deviant behavior and vagrancy. They often look for places where it is dark, quiet and no one else is there. The cemetery turns out to be one of those places where only you and your thoughts about the meaning of life. "Leave me alone!" - this desire of a sound person is not in the best condition.

A person with a sound vector who cannot fulfill his desire for the intangible in the material world of leisure and entertainment, even if it includes study and part-time work, may suffer from real sound depression. Depression in adolescents with a sound vector is a common occurrence. Rarely do parents or even children themselves realize this.

At my appointment there were only isolated requests from teenagers complaining of depression and its symptoms. Most often, a girl or boy tries to imitate their environment. Have fun and live like them. But it doesn't work out. An unfilled sound vector hurts unbearably, so much so that there is no greater mental pain. And then they find some way out that temporarily alleviates their condition - they cause self-harm.

The role of the skin vector in the cause of self-cutting and self-harm in adolescents

The tendency to self-harm and self-cutting occurs in skin-sound adolescents who were subjected to physical punishment in childhood.

The importance of the emotional connection between parent and teenager

Noticing self-harm in the hands of a teenager, parents are often shocked and cannot understand what is happening. Until recently there was a good boy or girl and suddenly it turns into who knows what! He doesn’t obey, stays out late, is rude, and then there are these self-cuts on his hands, strange changes in behavior. What to do if you can’t achieve a productive dialogue with a teenager? How to regain a teenager's trust?

It is important to understand the characteristics of your child’s psyche and adolescence as such. This is a special stage for both the teenager and the parents. Understanding what is happening to him will allow you to establish a confidential dialogue between you and help him cope with difficulties. Even if a high-quality emotional connection was not previously created with the child, now this can be done with the help of the System-Vector Psychology training by Yuri Burlan.

Register for the free online training “System-vector psychology” to better understand yourself and your child. Give sound soul a chance.

Proofreader: Natalya Konovalova

My life in psychology, psychotherapy, and training began with working with teenagers. What we didn’t do... Communication groups, sex education groups, “say goodbye to drugs,” a club for teenagers, where we went hiking, played ChGK, organized quest games, a school for young journalists. At some point, Sivka was taken on steep hills and I switched to the calmer adult group. Well, yes, that’s what it seemed to me at first))) I worked with parents for many years, and to this day moms and dads often turn to me for advice. Mostly mothers. And lately I’ve been thinking more and more about returning to working with teenagers too. For one simple reason - there are so few good soul therapists for teenagers. And children enter adolescence earlier and they have more problems, not less, because our world is changing faster and faster. I see them, confused, lonely, self-conscious of their growing bodies and hiding behind their long bangs that typical teenage no-one-loves-me-and-I-don’t-much-myself expression. I feel terrible for them - after all, we all had to go through this hell called youth.

But now I’m talking more about my parents. Sometimes they just want information about what is going on with the child. Over the past two months, three mothers have contacted me, frightened by cuts on their children’s hands, so I decided to write more about it.

If you rummage through the forums and blogs of teenagers, self-harm (as it is scientifically called) does not come up very rarely. More often these are small multiple cuts, sometimes burns, on areas of the body covered by clothing - on the arms, on the thighs, on the stomach. It does not look very attractive and loved ones, as a rule, are horrified when they find traces of cuts. There are many myths about self-harm:



Myth 1: This is how they try to attract attention.

The sad truth is that people usually hide traces of self-harm and do not try to manipulate loved ones in this way. They are embarrassed by their scars and are afraid that someone will find them, this is one of the reasons why it is difficult for them to seek help.

Myth 2: These are psychos, they are dangerous.

More often than not, these people suffer from heartache, serious problems, or past trauma, just like millions of other people. Self-harm is their way of dealing with pain. They are no crazier than most of those around them and labeling them as psychos only makes the situation worse.

Myth 3: These are suicide attempts

No. People who cut or burn themselves are not trying to die. They are trying to overcome mental pain. “Cut through this emptiness,” as one patient said. In fact, these cuts are sometimes what allow them to live. Although in the long term the risk of suicide in these people is higher than average, it is not because of cutting, of course, but because of long-term depression.

Myth 4: If the cuts are not serious, then it’s okay

Just because the cuts are superficial doesn't mean the pain isn't deep. Please do not think that there is nothing to worry about - “it will go away on its own.” This is a symptom of serious mental problems that must be dealt with.



Those who cut their hands and do other harm say that this action brings pain relief and peace. The ritual itself - locking a door, breaking a razor or other blade, a bandage, hiding it under a sleeve - replaces the strong, all-consuming feeling that owns a person and helps to cope with it.

In addition or in addition to this, self-harm serves to “wake up” and restore contact with reality. Just as we sometimes want to pinch ourselves to make sure that this is not a dream, so a cut, burn or other injury returns or enhances the sense of reality. Patients often talk about how cutting helps them return from a state of “frozenness,” depression, the unreality of this world and helps them escape from the feeling of emptiness and meaninglessness.



Who are they?

Many researchers have tried to determine what traits people have that are prone to self-harm. There is nothing surprising here, everything is quite logical. Low self-esteem, lack of flexible adaptation skills, high sensitivity to rejection, increased anxiety, tendency to suppress anger, etc. The majority of those suffering from this syndrome are teenage girls and young women, usually well educated and with highly developed intelligence.

There are several approaches to explain the origin of this syndrome.

Biological: cutting and other self-harm really alleviates mental suffering, unbearable tension and pain, brings peace by releasing endorphins (natural drug-like substances produced in our body), therefore, when repeating these ritual actions, not only psychological, but also partially physical dependence occurs.

Psychological: Among the women who cut and burn themselves, many are those who were abused as children and experienced trauma, often sexual. There are theories linking violence and self-harm. Violence usually leaves the victim feeling helpless and lacking control over what is happening. While self-mutilation is also violence, at the same time there is a certain feeling of control over the situation, since the person does it himself. For some victims of sexual assault, this can make them feel protected from assault by making them unattractive and “unfit” for the abuser.

There is also a psychological theory that cutting is a symbol of self-punishment for some “sins”, internal anger or a feeling of “dirty”. This may be an unconscious desire to redirect anger from an external source onto oneself, a way of expressing aggression, sexual instincts, or any other strong repressed feelings. Sometimes “punishment” follows incontinence in eating; cutting is associated with eating disorders. The girl is trying to lose weight, once again raids the refrigerator and “takes revenge” on herself by cutting her hand. Or he tries to restrain himself from a bout of gluttony with the pain of a cut.



Sometimes this can be one of the manifestations of borderline personality type. Such people suffer from a very strong fear that their loved ones will abandon them, abandon them, and cannot cope with enormous emotions in any other way. In this case, cuts may just be part of the manipulations with which a person tries to tie loved ones to himself and attract attention. Although, most likely, this manipulation is unconscious.

Self-harm means something different to each person, but very often it is the inability to express feelings in another way. For some reason, these people (most often girls and young women) did not learn or were unable to express their emotions because they were not heard. Cuts serve as a kind of language for them, with which they try to speak out, express their pain, and enter into dialogue with people who are significant to them.

What to do about it?

“Cutting your hands does not mean solving the problem”, “You are only making it worse for yourself”, “This will become a habit”, “In 10-15 years you will suffer because of these ugly scars”, “If I see you at least one more cut..."

These or similar phrases are heard by each of those whose scars are discovered by loved ones. Not that it helps. After all, the problem is not the cuts, they are only a symptom. Trying to stop cutting without understanding the roots of the problem is doomed to failure. At the same time, it is completely natural that loved ones, and especially parents, experience fear, shock and even disgust when they discover cuts on the hands of a teenager, friend, or girlfriend (see myths). Therefore, first you need to cope with your feelings and calm down.



After this, it makes sense to carefully find out what is happening. Talking about this topic will not be easy, but hiding your suspicions and fears is even worse. This is a dead end. Be prepared for the fact that the person will not want to immediately talk about what is happening. That is, simply put, you will be sent away in one form or another. There is no need to pin anyone against the wall, but be sure to say that you noticed the cuts, you are worried and it is important for you to know what is happening to him. You are ready to wait until your friend or loved one is ready to talk, but you definitely need to talk. It’s definitely not worth condemning and criticizing, it will only get worse. There is enough shame and guilt for those who struggle with mental pain in this way.

There is no need for any ultimatums, threats or punishments. One of my patients, a young woman, said that her boyfriend posed the question bluntly: “Either you stop cutting your hands, or I’m leaving you.” Needless to say, this didn't help? It is much more important to offer a person the opportunity to turn to you at any moment when he experiences the very pain, fear, tension that makes him grab the blade.

When talking, focus on the feelings that lead the person to cut themselves, rather than on the actions themselves. Think together about how you can help. Will it be easier for him if he just speaks out, or does he need specific advice? Self-harm is often typical of teenagers and young people who find it difficult to communicate, much less talk about such intimate things. It might be easier to write. The epistolary genre is experiencing an electronic renaissance and this should not be underestimated. Sometimes what is difficult to say can be formulated in a letter - no one rushes you, interrupts you, or interferes with your choice of words. Suggest this type of conversation or ask it by writing first.

If the ice has already broken and you are talking about this topic more or less openly, try to find out more specifically what makes a person cut himself. What are these feelings and what is their reason? Encourage him to think about it himself. Finding out the cause is the first step to liberation, because, knowing what is wrong, you can try various techniques that can alleviate the situation and prevent self-harm.



Here are some “home remedies” to cope with the situation. They often turn out to be effective.

If a person cuts themselves to express severe pain or intense feelings, you can:

• Draw, draw, scribble on a large sheet of paper with red ink, paint or felt-tip pens
• Write about your feelings in a diary. At the same time, it’s better on paper and it doesn’t matter what. Let it be one hundred and thirty-seven times “I don’t know what to do, I’m mad, I hate, I’m scared...” Whatever.
• Write poetry or a song about what is happening to you. Or draw a picture. Depends on what you are inclined towards.
• Write down what you feel on paper, and then tear it into shreds and burn it.
• Listen to music that expresses your feelings. Actually, the emo subculture is largely built on this, among which self-harm is very common.

If a person is trying to calm down and relieve anxiety, you can

• Take a bath or warm shower
• Play or walk with your pets. In general, in such a situation, you should think about getting a cat or dog, if, of course, you want to. Communication with animals helps a lot.
• Wrap yourself up in something warm and cozy
• Massage your neck, arms, legs and feet.
• Listen to calm music

If a person feels emptiness, loneliness, “frozenness”, isolation from the world:

If cutting serves to release anger or relieve tension, you can:

• Do exercises - run, jump rope, dance or hit a special bag or punching bag.
• You can also beat a pillow, you can bite it and scream with all your might.
• Inflate and pop balloons
• Tear paper or magazines
• Organize a concert of “percussion instruments” using improvised means in the form of saucepans or other “drums”.

Ubiquitous British scientists advise trying the following as “replacement therapy”:



• Use a red pen or felt-tip pen to draw stripes where cuts are usually made.
• Apply an ice cube several times to areas where cuts are usually made.
• Wear a rubber bracelet on your wrist that you can twist instead of cutting yourself.

Home remedies do not always help, and if you see that the situation is not improving, it is best, of course, to consult a specialist - a psychologist or psychotherapist. I know that many are afraid that such a person will be labeled as a “psycho,” especially when it comes to cutting (again, see the myths). But professionals are familiar with this problem and know that in most cases there is no smell of psychiatry here. Self-harm is an effective mechanism for coping with mental pain and emotional difficulties, developed and internalized by this person. In order to replace it with something healthier, you need long-term painstaking work to identify the causes and patiently build mental “muscles” that can withstand stress without such extreme actions.

Psychotherapy carefully reveals the deep personal meaning of the act of self-harm for a particular person and, at the same time, helps to develop skills of resilience and self-control. Most therapists do not require immediate cessation of cutting as a condition of therapy, but most often set certain boundaries. Thus, some types of therapy require the client to call the therapist any time he feels the urge to cut himself. Often talking to a therapist is enough to prevent this. If the client does cut themselves, they cannot contact the therapist for 24 hours afterwards.

Psychotherapy in this case (as in others, however) largely teaches a person to get in touch with his feelings, understand what is happening to him now, how to react to it and how to cope with it. In general, psychotherapy is about learning and about growing those parts of the mental organism that for some reason did not grow naturally. And growing anything is not a quick process. And failures happen, and relapses. So there is no need to be scared and even more so to despair.

As always, I have good news for you. Sometimes cuts on the hands are a kind of “growing pain” that goes away on its own. Therefore, there is no need to panic right away. And not right away either. Talk, love, observe and be patient. Remember the main thing - it is always a person’s lack of contact with the outside world. Therefore, the most important thing is to nurture and cherish this contact.

Teenager cuts his hands

Asks: Evgenia, Dalnegorsk

Gender: Male

Age: 15

Chronic diseases: No

Hello, I ask for help in the situation with my son. Son, 15 years old. Since the fall, I noticed cuts on my arms, from my hands to my wrists. Burns on the tissues, I assume from cigarettes. Some cuts heal, others do. All hands are covered in blue scars. When I ask why, he says it makes me feel better. I'm not in the mood and I'm cutting myself, it's so beautiful. He has a negative attitude towards death groups and condemns teenagers for this. About our family: I am divorced from my husband, he does not help my son financially, is not interested in him, those. They don't support the relationship at all. I live and never see him alone. There is an older brother, he lives in another city. I work shifts, spend a lot of time at work, my son is left to his own devices. He's a 3-level student, doesn't play sports, and doesn't talk interestingly. Listens to music, writes programs. I've been having problems with my classmates at school since this year. One of the boys, a former friend who beat him severely, wrote a statement to the inspectorate. After the incident with his son, the guys who communicated with him stopped. The son says, “I feel unpleasant and offended.” What to do, how to support my son in this situation?

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Marina 2017-03-29 00:54

Forgive me for interfering, at the age of 10 I cut my hands with a blade, my dad beat my mom, and we often ran away from home. I probably did it because of these problems, tried to get away from them, and you know, I mutilated my hands and it calmed me down. Mom saw this and talked to me seriously, after which she stopped doing it. Now I’m 26 and I grew up as a depressed person and overly emotional. Take care of your son! All the best! I think he is at such a difficult age now, and I hope everything will be fine

Evgenia 2017-03-29 02:37

Marina, thank you for your support. I understand that this is not normal and I’m trying to understand what. How to find the right words? We live together, I don’t punish my son, I don’t put any moral pressure on him. I love and spoil you. I can't figure out what's wrong. Something from outside? Very worried. But we don’t have a psychologist in our city.

Marina 2017-03-29 14:03

Mom also never swore at me, she only talked and explained. And because I was ten years old, it was easier for her to explain to me what was good and what was bad. At 15 years old you have a completely different perception. I think the doctor will tell you what to do right, and I believe that you will be fine!

Health life 2017-03-29 19:53

Hello, everything will be fine with you too if you believe in it.

Hello Evgeniya.
Frequent causes of self-harm can be anxiety and depressive disorders, both within the framework of neurosis and psychotic disorders. These disorders also include squeezing out acne on the skin, pulling out hair, and scraping off old crusts on wounds.
As a rule, self-harm provides relief for some time: it seems to the person that anxiety, aggression have gone away, feelings of guilt have been alleviated, etc. But with new, even minor stress, skin damage is repeated again. Over time, this obsessive action becomes a habit.
This phenomenon occurs more often in women than in men.
To begin with, it is important to find the reason for this behavior from a psychiatrist-psychotherapist. If mental changes are detected, complex treatment on an outpatient basis is indicated. If there is no such disorder, then you need to work on the ingrained habit with a psychologist or psychotherapist as part of psychotherapy.
The second stage will be the restoration of the correct daily routine, sleep and wakefulness, physical exercise, a diet with a high content of proteins and vitamins in food, physical procedures that improve health and psyche, including sauna and swimming. You need to organize your day so that it is completely occupied.
Contact a specialist in person and follow his recommendations. But psychotherapy itself can be done online via Skype.

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This happens quite often. The teenager cuts his hands with a blade, burns his body, stabs himself, and inflicts deep scratches on himself. Sometimes the desire to hurt yourself turns into an obsession. Why are they doing this? And how does this relate to adolescence?

One in ten US teenagers intentionally harm their body. Scientists analyzed the national trauma database of more than 286 thousand adolescents aged 10-18 years. Teenagers who inflicted cutting or stabbing injuries sought emergency help. And most often these were girls. Boys sometimes even used firearms. Falling from a height, self-suffocation and poisoning also attract young people, but less often.

In general, self-harm is not associated with suicide. But any damage is a cause for parental concern, since teenagers who engage in this are more likely to make real suicide attempts.

Psychologists have tried to figure out why teenagers cut themselves and where this need to self-harm comes from. Many people say it helps them release pent-up emotional tension and experience relief. Others say that teenagers cut their hands because the pain makes them “feel alive.”

Typically, teenagers hurt themselves, but they don’t want anyone to see it, especially their parents. Therefore, they cut, stab and burn those parts of the body that are easy to hide under clothing - thighs, forearms, chest. There are much fewer people who do this demonstratively to attract attention.

It is precisely because cuts and injuries go unnoticed that the psychological state of the teenager also does not come to the attention of parents, and few children receive the necessary help.

Only 5% of those who self-injure have a psychiatric diagnosis. Self-harm can be caused by depression, post-traumatic stress syndrome, and bipolar disorder. Other cases of teenagers cutting their hands and causing other injuries involve healthy children in a state of mental confusion and loneliness.

Getting rid of the habit of injuring yourself is not easy.

Many patients find it difficult to stop self-harming because it is the only way for them to release internal pain.

Therefore, it is important to pay attention to the teenager’s condition in a timely manner. How long has it been since you talked to him? Didn’t “I want to cut my hand” slip into his speech? Have you seen anything like “I want to cut myself” in his internet search history? You may have heard and seen this, but mistook it for clumsy attempts to attract attention.

Don't ignore these signals. Try to understand the reason for the teenager's condition and try to help him find another way to express his pain. Otherwise, accumulating, it can lead to more serious consequences: psychological trauma and even suicide.

Based on materials from psychologies.ru