Mutual love is what, perhaps, most people dream of at one time or another in their lives. Unfortunately, such a desire does not always become a reality, but this does not mean at all that you need to fall into despair - you may well fight for your feelings or try to eradicate them.

What to do if you love a guy is not mutual

Why doesn't he love me

There can be many reasons. In general, you yourself should understand that love does not arise "by order." Surely, in your life there were young people who also loved you unrequitedly, and could not understand why you do not reciprocate. In this situation, it is appropriate to recall one of the most famous sayings that "you cannot order your heart." If a guy does not fool you, but initially sincerely admits that you could not capture his heart, then do not be angry and do not take offense at him - he tries to behave decently towards you, although he could take advantage of your feelings in any of his purposes. It is possible that over time his attitude towards you will change, but at this stage, appreciate his honesty, thank him for it.

How to behave so as not to harm

If a guy doesn't love you, and you are in love with him, then this does not mean at all that you have no chance of being together. It is possible that you will be able to evoke strong feelings in him. However, remember that the opposite result can also be - you simply alienate the young man. So, if you still want to get closer, try to just be friends with him for a start. You do not need to be intrusive, talk about your love, if you did not immediately find a response. Tell him that you like him, as a person, and you would not like to lose contact with him. Offer a friendship, and make it clear that your love feelings have cooled down. If you keep at least a small thread of communication with this guy, you will have the opportunity to show yourself from the most advantageous side, give him the opportunity to look at you, evaluate again. At the same time, if you remain silent about your true feelings, then the young man will be able to relax and not be afraid that you want to seduce him in this way, even if this is actually the case.

Psychologist's advice

Suffering from unrequited feelings, the first thing to think about is whether your love for this guy is real and so strong. Maybe the point is completely different - in a vulnerable pride, an acute sense of loneliness, long-standing sympathy, or something else?

Is it possible that you will be able to get rid of this lust by simply switching your attention to someone else with whom you have a much greater chance of reciprocity? If this seems impossible to you, we recommend that you completely immerse yourself in your experiences and carefully, without closing your eyes, analyze the behavior of the chosen one. Most likely, you will realize that you mentally endowed him with qualities that he does not necessarily correspond to. Write on a piece of paper a list of its advantages and disadvantages. Do not try to lie to yourself and ignore some of the negative features of the object of sympathy - write the truth and, as necessary, add to the list of "minuses". Your next task is to re-read the column with negative traits of your beloved as often as possible, thereby learning to really evaluate him.

In addition, it will not be superfluous to study your immediate surroundings. It is possible that a guy whom you, for some reason, decided not to consider as a potential life partner, has been giving you signs of attention for a long time. Maybe it's time to change your attitude towards the fan and look at him with a new look. Of course, there is no question of throwing yourself into the arms of a person for whom there are no romantic feelings. That said, this guy might deserve a chance on your part - just try to get to know him better and you may find that you have a lot more in common with him than you might think. Often, chasing something unattainable, we miss and do not notice something truly worthwhile - think about it.

I love him, but he doesn't love me - how to make any person fall in love with me

If you are in a relationship with him, but you feel that you are not needed

Of course, the first step is to think about whether you even need a guy who allows himself such behavior, being in a relationship with you. Perhaps, not only his feelings, but also yours have long cooled down, but you preferred not to notice it? If this is not the case, and you understand that you do not want to lose your lover, then, undoubtedly, it makes sense to fight for your love, to regain the former interest on the part of your partner. Think about why he moved away? Maybe you devoted a lot of time to your business, were inattentive to him, or boredom has long settled in your relationship? Try to fix all the "shoals" on your part and refresh your feelings with romantic surprises, joint trips, care. Try to behave as if he was at the peak of his sympathy for you. If you initially felt that you were not particularly interested in your chosen one, and he was with you not “for love”, but for some reason of your own, then you also have a chance to “hook” him “from scratch” - be bright, make the guy get jealous and realize that he is very lucky that you chose him.

If you are just friends or colleagues

Try to get closer gradually. Give the man a little more attention than usual - take an interest in his affairs, show minor signs of concern. He should suspect that you like it, but he shouldn't have clear evidence. Give him time to realize this, to look at you from a different angle, and, perhaps, he will understand that you really have a lot in common and he will begin to take the initiative towards you.

If he doesn't notice you

If the guy does not notice you, then the advice is simple and banal - make it so that he does notice! So what is it all about? Since he does not show interest in you now, it only means that in your "current form" you do not seduce him, no matter how beautiful you are. Take a closer look at what girls he likes? Perhaps you are a noisy and bright laugh, and he is used to building relationships with modest and thoughtful young ladies. It may also be that you are a quiet homebody, and he likes active travelers and creative people. Try to try on a new image and let the guy appreciate him - it is possible that he will finally notice you.

If you fell in love with a married man

When you fall in love with a married man, be realistic about your prospects. Is this person worth it to bring into his life such problems, which are inevitable. Even if he pays or has already paid attention to you, this does not mean at all that he will leave the family. At first, you may not begin to demand this, and will be happy to be content with little, but believe me, this will change over time. The position of a mistress will seem humiliating to you, and in part it is. You will understand that a man is simply using you, and if his feelings were really real, you would be the only woman in his life, no matter what excuses and convincing arguments he finds. Of course, he may leave the family, but in the eyes of many people around (some of his / your relatives, friends) you will remain a woman who broke the family, even if everything was going to break up. However, it may be that your love turns out to be non-reciprocal, and later you will be ashamed to remember in front of yourself how you unsuccessfully tried to seduce a married man. In general, before rushing into this maelstrom, get ready for the worst scenarios, and, perhaps, your love will take off.

If the husband has stopped loving

Have you begun to realize that you have not experienced the same attention and care from your spouse for a long time that you had before? Your family relations are developing, as if by inertia, and, at times, it seems to you that your marriage is on the verge of dissolution? Analyze from what period you began to move away from each other. In many families, this happens after the birth of the baby - the wife is so immersed in caring for the child that the spouse simply fades into the background. Often this leads to betrayal and alienation on the part of a man. It is also possible that you relaxed, "let go" yourself, ceased to be the woman he fell in love with, and to whom he made a marriage proposal. If your husband is dear to you, try to return his feelings - show him your care, love, try to surprise him with romantic surprises, diversify your intimate life. It is possible that your marriage can still be given a "second wind", and soon you will forget that until recently everything was going to break up.

I don't like a guy, but I'm dating, what to do next

When dating a guy for whom you have no romantic feelings, the first thing you need to do is realize that in this situation you are only doing worse to yourself. Having really looked at the disadvantages of such a relationship, perhaps you still decide to break this vicious circle, and understand that your desperate fear of loneliness has driven you into a dead end. So, the negative aspects of such a union:

You rob yourself of your happiness

Perhaps you would have been happy in a relationship with another man for a long time, with whom you would have mutual feelings, but you yourself are depriving yourself of this. You may think that as soon as you meet the guy of your dreams, you will leave your current partner, but these are just your illusions. This is the law of nature: nothing new will come into your life until there is free space for it. Right now, this place is occupied by relationships that you don't need.

You make yourself depressed.

When dating a guy, and at the same time not feeling love for him, you can hardly count on peace of mind and inner harmony. This is not surprising, because you are constantly forcing yourself to do what you don't really want. Perhaps you yourself do not notice what trap you have driven yourself into, and even find reasons that one day feelings will come, but somewhere in the subconscious you understand that you are engaged in self-deception.

You are wasting another person's time

Well, it should be noted that you are behaving quite selfishly in relation to the guy. Perhaps you think that because he loves you, you are giving him a gift by being with him. In fact, this is not so - a real gift of fate for him would be a girl with whom he will have mutual feelings, but for now you are taking her place.

Question: "Who loves whom more?" does not lose its relevance even when you grow out of pants at the age of six. You must have been asked by numerous relatives in childhood about whom you love more: mom or dad, or maybe your brother or grandmother? And at this naive age, it was you who chose who would be your lucky one.

Then the thought that someone might not love the little princess seemed incredible. As a child, we sincerely believe that the whole world was created for us. But the more experience children get outside of the family, the more evidence that this is not entirely true.

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Each of us had the experience of non-reciprocal sympathy from the series "Her name is Masha, she loves Pasha, and he loves Sveta and only her." Even the most charming and attractive at least once heard a refusal and suffered from the fact that they were not chosen. I’m already silent about adolescence, when complexes and fear of rejection make it difficult even to think about confessing to someone in love.

But now, having already become an adult and independent (you cannot argue with the date in your passport), you still catch yourself in the fear that you are giving more than you receive. It becomes an obsession, and the counter is always running in your head. You tirelessly note how many times he said "I love you", how much money he spent on you, what good he did, whether he was attentive, and so on.

This fear of "dislike" and "non-reciprocity" is the first reason why you should stop measuring the strength of love. While your inner counter is on, instead of enjoying the relationship, you are in constant tension.

So, what if your partner doesn't seem to love you as much as they would like?

1. Turn off the counter

This is the first and very important step to stop playing "Loves - dislikes". Difficult, I agree. After all, fear breathes in your back: “What if he stops appreciating me? I do everything for him, and then he will generally relax. " Oddly enough, but often it is the one of the partners who is in love more, less shows his feelings. This is due to the same fear of being used (due to the scars of previous experience).

How to stop settling scores? Don't worry, you don't have to compromise your desires for this, that's the secret. You do what you can for your man, but at the same time you do not become a "donor" for him and do not make sacrifices. Be attentive and sincere, not allowing him to demand from you what will be uncomfortable or unpleasant for you.

It is this feeling of comfort / discomfort that will serve as an indicator whether a man is overstepping the brink of what is permissible. For example, he demands that all bills be paid equally, despite the fact that he spends more products and has more income. In this situation, you can hardly make ends meet - so do not be silent, ask him for support. Focus on your feelings.

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2. Create your what-not-to-do-list

No matter how much you are in love with a man, you should have your own stop list. Thanks to which, you will not take on all the problems of your couple and will not be the only one who is interested in your relationship.

Here are the main mistakes that you shouldn't make in a fit of love euphoria (you can start your what-not-to-do-list with them):

• Play "lifeguard"
  Of course, it is tempting to become his lifesaver, his personal assistant, in order to be irreplaceable for him. Look for the keys that he lost; reconcile him with his mother; buy gifts for his colleagues; to forgive him after returning from another spree. The list goes on and on, and you can add your items to it. Remember that “saving” women often become a backup option, a convenient way to spend the weekend, but certainly not love for life.
• Provide financially
  You should not pay your partner's debts, support him until he finds a job worthy of His Highness, buy expensive gifts and trips abroad. By creating a comfort zone for him, you can tie him to yourself, but where is the guarantee that this will last for a long time? A woman doesn't have to be a sponsor. You can support (morally), inspire, calm, but not solve his problems.
• Monitor partner
  You should not arrange interrogations with addiction, secretly climb on his mobile and in his social networks. Even if you do it unobtrusively, supposedly imperceptibly, the man will very soon begin to feel himself under the hood and will want to get out from under it.

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3. Transfer the initiative to the man

The worries that you should "loosen your grip" and he will run away or your relationship will fall apart without your energy, only confirm that it's time to say "stop" to yourself. If you take the situation into your own hands, rushing things, and from the very first meetings you start organizing your leisure / vacation / joint housing, how will a man show himself? How will he understand that he wants to be with you if you are already there? If you didn’t give him the opportunity to understand, does he want to be with you?

In modern realities, when the competition among women is so high that we are ready to be the first to call, invite to a meeting, beat off from others, the idea of ​​relaxing seems strange. But as long as you crush a man with your energy, it makes no sense for him to fight for you. This does not mean that you need to freeze with a stone statue and wait. But you should not be ahead of the curve, fulfilling the desire of a man and not letting him even want to.


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4. Choose the right candidate

Psychotherapist Irwin Yalom in his book "The Cure for Love" writes that very often we replace love with passionate attraction or even obsession. The phrase "I love you" is so worn out that we talk about love, not always being sure whether this is so. Remember this if your man whispers confessions to you, and at the same time you feel abandoned and unnecessary next to him.

If your partner is not interested in your desires, if he is cold and indifferent, and you don’t even dream of his support, you should think about whether you need such a relationship at all.

Irwin Yalom recommends, for a start, to choose a person who knows how to love as a companion in life. You don't expect lemon to be sweet, do you? Or that the sea will be warm in February? It is the same with relationships - if initially you choose a person who is not capable and not ready to change, love, give warmth, no matter what courses you go to, no matter how many personal therapies you go through, all this will not work.


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5. Improve self-esteem.

By underestimating yourself, you can unconsciously choose emotionally cold and closed men, dooming your relationship to failure (see paragraph above). It is “lame” self-esteem that makes you agree to uncomfortable relationships, sacrifice yourself (who needs me besides him?), Forgive insults and grab the “last chance”.


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By adhering to these points, you can build a relationship in which you will feel desired and loved. Then the need to compare who loves whom more will disappear by itself.

Unrequited love never brings happiness to partners. One of them only suffers from love, and the second does not even know about it, he lives his own life.

Or he may know that someone is in love with him, even knows who exactly, but does not reciprocate - this is the saddest... How to be in a relationship when you are in love and you are not? It is very difficult to answer this question unambiguously, or rather even impossible, but there is something to advise.

Be near

If the object of your love is not aware of your feelings, try to be more in his field of vision.... If want to make contact- forward. But only do it from time to time. Communicate more with friends and just acquaintances of the person for whom you have the warmest feelings... So you can spend more time in the company of your loved one, he will definitely notice you. You will have more opportunities to win the love of the person.

Change the image

Reconsider your views on how to dress, how to do makeup, and so on. Generally, change your image... It would be useful to ask a good friend who understands fashion for help. Maybe you should clean up yourself physically.. Start doing aerobics, fitness, swimming or any other similar thing useful for a woman. Men can be advised something heavier - let them swing the press, pull the barbells and dumbbells, and so on..

Become a loyal friend

Loving someone who doesn't love is hard, especially if that person already knows about your feelings. Well, there is no way you can win the love of the one you constantly dream of. He knows that you are not indifferent to him, but for some reason rejects your love - he already has a beloved, you are simply not his type, you never know... Then become a loyal friend. People, especially guys, highly value those who are always ready to support, whose help you can count on, who will always listen and advise something useful... Maybe this friendly affection will eventually grow into love.

If you are used

And what if the object of your love not only knows about her, but also uses it for his own selfish purposes? For example, a guy loves a girl, and she literally squeezes out of him everything that is possible. She will agree to go on a date with him in exchange for something material (for example, movie tickets for her and ... not for him - for her friend), then she will force the poor man to commit some ridiculous act to prove his love, just for laugh. It would seem that he would have abandoned such a girl long ago, but the guy simply cannot do it, because he loves her without memory. Unfortunately, love in this situation is stronger than reason.

Understand the need for fundamental change

If you are satisfied with such a situation when you love someone unrequited, constantly suffer, this is already, excuse me, your problem. If you understand that this love will not make you a happy person, then try to forget the person who plays you.. Start living for yourself, stop pleasing someone. Tell yourself "I am a man, you cannot twist ropes out of me, now I will live for myself." After a while, you will finally realize that you no longer love someone who recently was the meaning of life for you, someone who could become (as you yourself thought) an ideal couple for you.... Now you can look for a new love for yourself, this time mutual.

You have lived together for many years, sharing joys and difficulties. You have a well-established life, everything is rolling along the usual well-worn track. The first strong feeling of love, of course, has dulled, and sometimes it becomes so boring and dreary that only the TV is on, various TV shows and allowing not to talk at all or discuss other people's fictitious problems help out.

Sometimes it feels like your husband only needs you to cook and iron your washed shirts. When he returns from work and falls asleep in an armchair in front of the TV after a hearty dinner and a shower, you think that any other woman could be in your place - he would not have noticed. And you so want to feel beautiful and desirable, to hear compliments.

And when an opportunity arises at work, at a resort, or just with a casual acquaintance, at first you just flirt, enjoying a light affair. After a while, it may turn out that you fell in love, and for a new lover you were just another trophy. Think carefully before deciding to cheat! It's not difficult to change, it's hard to lose your old stable family when you realize that you still love your usual husband, but it's already impossible to return anything ...

Or maybe it would be worth trying to talk to your husband, explain that you want attention, new sensations. If he is just tired, has problems at work and you have no strength left, you can take a vacation and, having gone away from home, turn him into a fairy tale, refreshing the faded relationship. A good hotel, a night sky, a restaurant, music - in general, romance will wake up a dozing love.

Although, oddly enough, it happens that irritation, quarrels and mutual grievances disappear after the betrayal, since having tried to walk in the wild, the husband and wife begin to understand that they were better together.

If you love a person, never try to re-educate him, do not prevent him from being himself. After all, a person is dear to his established habits, his hobbies, if only they do not harm others. Never blackmail him with the words "If you love me, then ..."

Do not give your husband ultimatums like "Either I, or your mother", "Work is dearer to you than I am!" Such quarrels and showdowns eventually become a threat to the existence of love in the family.

Try to show each other signs of attention, but make sure that they do not become too annoying.

Do not torture yourself, do not be jealous of your husband to friends, colleagues at work, to random women you know from the past. Jealousy is the most disgusting feeling. Happy is he who has not experienced her poison on himself. It is clear that you are afraid of losing your loved one, but understand that being jealous is a harmful and completely meaningless activity - stupid when there is no reason, and useless when there is a reason.

Try not to provoke jealousy yourself. It is good if jealousy can help refresh love, but more often the opposite effect can be achieved.

Don't be jealous of the past - it's a thankless task. If he preferred you, then he thought that you are worthier, better.

Do not allow yourself to criticize your husband in front of strangers, acquaintances, children. All claims must be expressed face to face in order to avoid discomfort in the family, unwanted conflicts, emotional breakdowns, and the destruction of marital contact.

Try to forget the bad, do not cherish resentment in yourself, do not humiliate yourself with rudeness, do not become for your husband a constantly dictating, edifying and accusing tyrant. Take care of the health of your beloved husband, so that later you do not remember with bitterness the proverb: "What we have - we do not store ..."

Unrequited love is a much more frequent phenomenon than reciprocal feelings. All statistics and books will tell you about it. But how is it that unrequited love breeds relationships? If you love, but you do not - why does your partner stay with you? Why do people in general form such pairs, and then painfully search for a way out?

How to be in a relationship when you are in love and you are not?

You have been together for several years and began to feel that your soul mate no longer loves you. Why could this happen?

Reason 1

Perhaps you were never loved, and the relationship was just a reason for something. A person could look for a certain benefit for himself, make a bet (do not think that this happens only in the cinema), finally, he could simply be bored.

Sometimes a relationship can start out of boredom - you want to have fun, new sensations, a fun pastime. And even more so if a person notices that they are in love with him.

Of course, the best solution would be to beware of such situations and not allow yourself to be used, but sometimes you still find yourself in such a mousetrap, skillfully deceived and do not know what to do next. After all, this is life, anything happens.

Reason 2

There was love for you, but it faded away. You all also love, but have not been loved for a long time. What if you love, but you do not? Let go of course. If you still love this person. Gather all your strength, no matter how hard it is, and let it go. He will be happy, believe me, and over time you will become happy too. When all the stages of denial, anger and resentment have passed, you will wake up one sunny morning and suddenly realize that you did everything right. That they finally found the strength to rejoice for the person they once loved.

What if you love, but you are no longer there?

Better to uproot unrequited feelings and part. After all, you may well find someone who will love you! The process of parting with the object of unrequited love will be something like disinfecting a room after an epidemic of a viral disease:

First of all, convince yourself that this person hurt you, acted cruelly to you, you don't deserve it. As a conclusion - he has nothing to do in your life;

Do without the proverbial “stay friends”. Think and give yourself a sincere answer - do you really want to remain friends and communicate with the person who used you? That's it;

From the circle of acquaintances and friends, select exactly those who have never approved of your MCH and have always disliked him. Try to spend as much time with them as possible. Friends will understand, but it will become much easier for you;

And finally, the golden rule of any parting, if you love, but you are not: find something to do. Get distracted. Do what you've always dreamed of. And often repeat to yourself that he is not worth a single drop of beautiful, intelligent and priceless you;

What if you secretly love, but you are not?

If you are not familiar with the object of your adoration, take the initiative in your own hands. Find common acquaintances with him, ask about him, find out about his hobbies and interests, ask to be introduced to each other. After the formal acquaintance, talk about topics of interest to him. No wonder the saying says that water does not flow under a lying stone. But, remember, don't be intrusive. A man should feel that the whole situation is under his control.

The first thing a strong woman would do is to make him fall in love with herself and not allow anyone to spoil her feelings. She would have done so that this man, not even suspecting that this girl had fallen in love with him, began to be the first to look after her. In terms of the question "What if you love, but you do not?" women simply cannot give up. Every girl should be unusually smart and cunning when it comes to relationships.

If you have fallen in love with a completely unfamiliar person who does not even care about your existence, speak to him first. In doing so, try to find similarities in your interests and in life. Try to hint to this person that you do not mind if you see him again, but do not forget that he must think that not you, but he invited you to sit and rest again.

The second thing to do, if you love, but you do not, is to find out as much information as possible about the hobbies, interests, and entertainments of this person. Try to find common ground in your interests and hobbies.

When you meet, do not embarrass him or yourself. Pay attention to the character of this person, give a couple of compliments. But do not overdo it, otherwise, in the end, instead of paying attention to you, he will pay attention to himself. And in the end, your ideal will become a proud pride.

Often, girls suffer from the fact that they cannot win the attention of a man. Remember that your man should always feel needed, as well as that he is respected, accepted for who he is, and, naturally, feel that he is loved and cannot be without him. Here is a combination of the above in the right doses and will tie your man to you. Never humiliate yourself in front of a man. After all, all men need a girl, not a ponytail and indulgence.

How to believe in yourself if you love, but you do not?

Love is a feeling that cannot be explained with words, it must be felt with all your heart and soul. But, for some reason, it often happens that we - women, fall in love with a man who does not pay the slightest attention to us. Of course, no one wants to become a hostage of unrequited love, and at the same time, not many dare to fight to the end for their unrequited love.

Suppose you decided to fight, but you didn't succeed. How to live on if you love, but you do not?

Never dwell on your appearance. Of course, every woman should look good and elegant, but do not forget about the spiritual qualities, it is better to engage in self-improvement. Every woman, from birth, is naturally inherent in beauty, even if it is not physical, only mental, but this is also not a little important factor. After all, everyone knows the fact that Cleopatra did not possess physical beauty, but charmed men with her erudition, knowledge of many languages ​​and a bewitching voice. Find in yourself that zest that only you will possess.

If your beloved man treats you only as a friend, and you have not become the one and only desired one for him, figure it out in yourself. Why do you need this torment? After all, you cannot be happy if you love, but you are not. Do you need a man who does not pay due attention to you?

If for a lot of time that you spent with this person, there was no rapprochement with your object of love, think: maybe you are not in love, but simply sympathize with this man? Or just maybe, getting to know each other better, you will realize that you do not fit one to one in terms of love relationships.

Don't waste your time with this man. You may just not be his type. Each person has their own preferences, and what seems uninteresting to a given man will be a gift from heaven for another. Just change your man!