First of all, discussing a person behind his back allows you to feel more significant and authoritative in the eyes of your listeners. This is also due to ordinary envy, the desire to achieve the status of the person in question and the sublimation of one’s desires in relation to him. Gossiping about someone often increases the self-esteem of the gossiper and gives him the opportunity to grow in his own eyes, as well as gain ephemeral power over the reputation of the person being discussed.

Often, with the help of gossip, people justify their shortcomings - after all, in others they are irritated by precisely those qualities that they do not find (or do not recognize) in themselves.

Not the least reason for discussion is the desire to please the interlocutor. Having shared a certain secret with someone, a gossip automatically becomes a person who has important information that he decided to entrust to his interlocutor, thereby distinguishing him from the majority. The more rumors gossipers spread, the more confident they feel, supporting their own egocentrism and often receiving gratitude for their knowledge of the personal affairs of certain individuals.

The birth of gossip

Each person has his own point of view, but not everyone strives to express it. Women and self-confident, vain people who consider it necessary to convey their royal opinion to others most often sin by discussing behind their backs. Gossip often plays the role of a kind of social “glue”, since with its help people who cannot always find common topics for conversation realize their need for communication. When discussing someone, they most often find like-minded people and continue to speak evil in their close circle.

Usually, the person being discussed sooner or later finds out about the gossip being spread around him - and then the gossiper may suffer for his long tongue.

Psychologists recommend that subjects of discussion ignore gossip spread about them or turn to the gossiper in front of everyone, demanding confirmation of his accusations or fictitious facts. Active refutation or retaliatory gossip reduces a person to a loser, so it is advisable to perceive all negativity with humor and respond to everything with a regal, condescending smile. Usually these are the most gossipers - after all, the original goal is not fulfilled, the object does not suffer, therefore, the gossiper himself turns into a powerless market woman who looks like a Pug barking at an elephant.

Hello! My name is Anastasia, I’m 17 years old. I found myself in a very difficult life situation, I don’t know how to behave in it. The fact is that behind my back they are desecrating my name in every possible way, so to speak, and there is no reason, I I don’t give it. There are completely false rumors (allegedly I’m selling my body), and what’s most offensive and terrible is that this is done by adult women who live in my house, work with my mom, and even my grandmother, on my dad’s side, is dissolving this whole thing. On the one hand, I understand that it is possible out of envy, because I am a correct, successful person, young people, men pay attention to me, and in my personal life everything is fine, there is a young man, he is 6 years older than me, with whom I have been dating for a year now. Also, my mother is a very attractive, pleasant, kind and interesting person, people always envy her too, so rumors are started about the two of us. But in the end I understand that I don’t understand anything at all, and very It’s offensive and sad to hear about myself and my mother these abominations, which never happened and do not exist. It’s very difficult for me, my mother, of course, also supports me in every possible way, but it worries me very much, I’ve become nervous, I’m easily offended lately, I generally feel it’s lousy, especially when I start talking to gossipy aunts, and they smile at me hypocritically. Please help! what should I do!? How should I react to these people!!! I will be very grateful!

Hello, Anastasia!

"If they're talking behind your back, it means you're one step ahead." :) They gossip about you, which means your life is more interesting.

People are designed that way - give them sensations. Well, now you and your mother are the sensations. You have something to envy. Sympathize with others, their lives are boring and monotonous. Their only entertainment is gossip. You and your mother are popular personalities. Some people strive to achieve this all their lives, but you did it easily and naturally.

Stay above this gossip. “You know... From the height of my stilettos, I simply can’t hear your behind-the-scenes gossip.” Don't stoop to a showdown. When people see that you don’t care and don’t react to provocations, they become uninteresting in you.

You know, Anastasia, there were rumors about me too at your age. But when I answered them several times: “Yes! That’s who I am!” and smiled, the gossips were shocked. I myself know that this is not true, but people are just interested in chatting. If they talk about me, it means I'm interesting. Gossip became compliments for me. After all, we most often discuss what we ourselves don’t have, but really want to have.

Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it.

I wish you to learn to react to life events to benefit yourself, and not to harm yourself.

Best regards, SA

Hello, Anastasia!

Let’s figure out what gossip is without unnecessary emotions. Gossip is talking about someone behind their back. In essence, this is no different from what you are writing now. You discuss people behind their back by writing a letter. People do this all the time, talking about each other behind their backs. And this is a normal human state, because we humans are interesting to each other.

Another thing is that you were condemned without any reason, and you react very violently to this. Contact a psychologist, increase your stress resistance and self-esteem. Then someone’s criticism will only bother you when you want it yourself)

Achievements to you!

Polina Sergeevna

It's sad to know that people talk about you behind your back. Since such gossip spreads quickly, it is difficult to find the source of the gossip. It is for this reason that you will most likely only make things worse by trying to confront people who are spreading rumors about you. The best tactic in this case is to ignore. In addition, you can try to become more positive and change your perspective on gossip.

Steps

How to Deal with People Who Gossip

Don't do anything. You may be tempted to confront the person who is gossiping about you, in which case the best response to his actions is to ignore his gossip. Just think, this person will not be able to say these words to your face. Therefore, you should not give him new topics for gossip. Just stop this vicious cycle by completely ignoring gossip.

Treat gossipers with kindness. Another way to respond to gossip is to cultivate a kind attitude towards people. Gossipers will be confused and puzzled that you treat them so well even though they have been gossiping about you. Plus, if you take an optimistic approach to everything, gossipers may feel guilty for talking about you behind your back.

Set limits on gossip. If you find yourself spending a lot of time with people who talk about you behind your back, try to keep your distance from them. Remember that you don't have to be friends with them just because you are forced to work together.

• Be kind, but don't get close to gossipers. Don't tell them personal things that could become another topic of gossip in the future.

1. Think about the gossiper's motives. If your friend or acquaintance started spreading rumors about you, most likely he had his own reasons for this. Most good friends wouldn't spread negative rumors about you that might upset you. If your friend simply became involved in this gossip, try to find out why he did this, and also think about how he might react to these rumors.

   • Questions you can ask include: “How did you know what was going on?” or “What were you saying when you spread that rumor?” You can simply ask, “Why are you telling me this?” The answers to these questions will help you understand the gossiper's motives.
   • You don't have to end your relationship with the gossiper. But it would be wise to communicate with this person with greater care. Most likely, this person is not as innocent as he tries to seem. Perhaps he is the one spreading the gossip rather than trying to stop it.

2. Don't gossip. You already know how unpleasant it is when people talk about you behind your back. But if you don’t try to stop it, you can assume that you are also to blame for the current situation. Some people just like to discuss other people's personal lives, but remember that they won't be able to do this if they don't have listeners (that is, people who share their opinions).

   Talk to someone in authority. If gossip is interfering with your work or studies, you will need to address the issue at the administrative level. In this case, a teacher or supervisor will help you solve this problem.

Even if we don’t consider ourselves gossipers, then no, no, we’ll discuss it with a friend about someone we know. Colleagues and mutual friends often become the object of gossip, and sometimes we talk about those whom we have never even met: it is enough to just hear an interesting piquant detail of someone’s life, and that’s it – we are “carried away”. As a rule, we do not think about whether this detail is true. However, the attitude towards such conversations changes when we ourselves become the object of gossip that has nothing to do with reality.

It is unpleasant to realize that someone is spreading false rumors about us behind our back. And if true information that we would really like to hide suddenly becomes known to a wide circle of people, we feel as if “naked,” unprotected and betrayed. Everyone decides for themselves how to behave in such a situation.

Do you like to gossip?
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Some even stir up interest in themselves. Psychologists call this type of personality demonstrative. Constantly being in the spotlight is the most important thing for them. This way people get confirmation that they are not bored.

We just need to learn how to get out of such situations with the least mental loss.

However, there are much fewer fans of gossip “about their loved ones” than those who are very worried about slander directed at themselves. Having learned that someone is spreading false rumors about their personal life, they begin to look for those to blame, experience anger, rage, aggression, delve into themselves and become fixated on their own shortcomings. Most people who are the target of gossip have two thoughts running through their heads: “Who could say that about me?” and “What if everyone else believes these nasty things and stops communicating with me?” Such a condition can lead to a nervous breakdown, which will ultimately have a very negative impact on a person’s psycho-emotional and physical health. We just need to learn how to get out of such situations with the least emotional loss, so that someone’s carelessly thrown words do not become a reason for taking sedatives and consulting a doctor.

So, if you saw that those around you suddenly fell silent when you entered the room, and then found out why this was happening, then you should not withdraw into yourself or, on the contrary, wave your saber, looking for those to blame. Do it smarter. And how exactly, our advice will tell you.

Do not arrange a public debriefing

The best way to show an insidious gossip that he has achieved what he wants is to show aggression and start publicly finding out who dared to say such nonsense about you and why he did it. Of course, you want to find out who you “annoyed” so much, but it is more correct to act differently. If you, furious, burst into the office where your colleagues are sitting, and literally begin to rush at everyone, pressing them against the wall, and, growling, asking: “Is that you?”, then you will achieve nothing but a new wave of gossip. Believe me, now you will become a hysterical woman who, apparently, has something to hide. Otherwise, why react so sharply to the “harmless”, in the gossiper’s opinion, news told to those around him?

Of course, you want to find out who you “annoyed” so much, but it is more correct to act differently.

Conversation with a gossip

If you know exactly who is spreading false rumors about you, and you just need to find out why he is doing this, we still advise you not to talk to the gossip lover in private. Let there be witnesses around, but in this situation you will behave extremely calmly and restrainedly. As we have already said, the main thing is not to show how much the very fact of gossip hurt you. Surprisingly, sometimes people don’t even realize that they are hurting someone. Perhaps this is your case. Ask the “hero of the occasion” where he got this information from, what exactly he meant when he said certain things about you. And under no circumstances make excuses. will only make the situation worse. Be confident in yourself, let both those around you and the gossiper himself see it. As a rule, this behavior is perplexing.

Don't react

If you have no desire to find out who is spreading rumors, or you know this person’s name very well, but understand that no amount of talking will improve the situation, then the surest solution to the problem is to completely ignore it. Answer the questions of the curious with a smile and try to change the topic, do not show that something offends you, do not gossip in response. The lack of any response on your part will eventually cause the instigator to lose all interest and move on to another “victim”.

Turn everything into a joke

Another way to discourage people from gossiping about you and stop existing rumors from spreading is to turn them into a joke. The ability to laugh at oneself is very annoying to those who are literally “fueled” by human anger and aggression.

If you are not afraid to independently support the rumors circulating around you for some time, then feel free to be ironic about what they say about you.

99.9% certainty is not enough

If you are not entirely sure that the gossip being spread about you is a complete lie, then it is better not to start a showdown. Of course, you think that you know absolutely everything about yourself, but believe me: sometimes some nuances elude even the most attentive eye. You might have said something in the heat of the moment or done something while you were tipsy. Therefore, first, make sure that there is not a drop of truth in the rumors about you, and only then “go into battle.” In this case, the 99.9% probability is not suitable. All you need is 100% confidence.