If your man is a coward: Can you change him? Signs of a Weak Man Why Men Become Weak
Every girl dreams of meeting a knight without fear or reproach. But what if you gave your heart to the "cowardly lion"? Can you be happy with a timid man? How to cultivate courage in an indecisive life partner ?.
How to recognize a coward?
The most important sign of a coward man is unwillingness to make decisions.
A timid representative of a strong half of humanity is comfortable only when everything is decided for him. Therefore, he will definitely not take the initiative to be introduced to his girlfriend's relatives, he is unlikely to ask his boss to raise his salary and will never refuse to help friends, even to the detriment of his interests.
You can also recognize a faint-hearted man by external signs:
- he is afraid to stand out from the crowd, so he dresses discreetly;
- restrained in the expression of emotions;
- avoids looking into the eyes of the interlocutor for a long time;
- almost never gesticulates;
- often fiddles with an object in his hands.
Where do male cowards come from?
Psychologists say: cowardice is a character trait. It usually forms during adolescence, when males are fighting for dominance in the group. In adolescents who have failed to win a high position in the hierarchy, a defensive reaction occurs.
Future man begins to fear open conflict and turns into a social coward.
Alas, it is impossible to eradicate cowardice; this is a personality trait that will have to be reconciled.
However, if not the most courageous man will feel confident in yourself, he will behave less like a coward. A loving woman can help him with this.
How to be happy with a coward?
In the description of a cowardly man, did you recognize your admirer or husband?
- Never call a man a coward, not jokingly, much less in the heat of a quarrel. The words "weakling", "quiet", "rohlya", etc. are also prohibited. A man should never guess that you consider him a coward. He will never forgive you for this. Remember: a man expects understanding from a woman, not exposure.
- List the merits his lover, who compensate for his not the most enviable character trait. Record every little thing. For example, "he does not forget to water the cacti when I go on a business trip," "knows who Schopenhauer is." Refresh your notes from time to time.
- Avoid situations in which courage is difficult for your man to find. Are you flooded with neighbors for the third time in a year? Don't expect your husband to want to deal with shameless citizens on his own. Don't ask the impossible from him. Explain yourself with your unfortunate neighbors. Kill two birds with one stone: God forbid, solve the problem, and save the peace of mind of your loved one.
- Don't focus on cowardice... Have you planned a romantic weekend, but your loved one could not refuse the boss's request to go to work on the day off? Moreover, you witnessed how he slavishly babbled: "Pyotr Petrovich, I consider it happiness to work as much as possible for the good of your beloved company"? Pretend nothing special has happened. A man will willingly believe in this and will be grateful to you. And the party can be arranged a week later, right?
- Praise your partner as often as possible., especially in the presence of relatives and friends, but only when there is a reason. Awkward flattery will alert a man.
- Try to have fun from the realization that no problem can be solved without your participation. Think how many women dream of being in charge of their husbands. You're just lucky!
To better understand your chosen one and save him from complexes, we also recommend reading the article on the site "". We wish you mutual understanding and harmonious relationships!
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Valeria Protasova
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Let's talk about men's fears and cowardice. Why be afraid of a man? Do our men have the right to be afraid and show cowardice at all? How to distinguish true cowardice from a wise and calm approach to life? The topic of this article is "is my man a coward."
Quite often, topics about men's fears and cowardice are created on women's forums: "My boyfriend is a coward!", "My lover is a coward!", "My father is a coward!" "My husband is a coward!" In these topics, the girls describe situations in which, as they think, their man behaved like a real coward, showed spinelessness, folded, scared. Is this really so?
This article encourages a discussion of the various situations that any man can find himself in. Let's consider them from different angles and try to figure out where cowardice, where wisdom, and where just indifference. What do we mistake for male cowardice and what for courage? When are men's fears justified?
Coward or tough driver? Situations on the road, when parking and if your beloved lady is driving.
Your man is unexpectedly overtaken or brutally cut on the road. Should he catch up with the offender and "punish"?
Where do we see cowardice? In this situation, hysteria can be considered a manifestation of cowardice. Hysterics can manifest itself in a crazy driving style, unusual for an adequate state of the driver, loud obscene screams and screams, tears. Explicit manifestations of fear and cowardice are unrestrained urination, refusal to drive a car completely.
How can you justify? However, this, like stopping for a smoke break, is not considered cowardice if in a traffic situation there was a real threat to the life of passengers or the life of the driver himself. Every person has a fear of death.
Not to be confused with incontinence and aggressiveness! Today, more and more often we hear in the news, we read in blogs stories about how someone fired at someone with traumatic injuries on the road, beat them with bats, broke glass, fired at a car, stabbed them with a knife as a punishment for this or that road situation. Girls, in any case, never mistake such men for brave heroes. They have not defended their honor! They showed incontinence, unhealthy aggression. Such men, as a rule, go over their heads in life, feel impunity, achieve a lot, but do it at the expense of other people. Remember! Men who are ready to assert themselves at the expense of the life and health of other people, in fact, are extremely unsure of their strengths and the value of their own life and regularly try to prove to themselves that they are not cowards and are worth something in this life.
Should he vacate someone else's parking space.
According to the law, if a man really parked on someone else's plot of land, then he must be shown a paper, which says that "the place was bought or rented by some company." If you come to visit and park in a strange yard and the man is asked to park the car, and the place is clearly public, then options come.
Where do we see cowardice? The man excused himself and parked quietly.
How can you justify? Perhaps he was not scared at all, but simply very tired and does not want to get involved in uncomfortable dialogues. Another option, he was asked to park by a veteran grandfather, or a girl with three babies and five bags from Ikea)) Here your man is a young man!)
Do not confuse cowardice with prudence. Perhaps he was asked to give way by a stronger, more authoritative man and your boyfriend, the husband decided that in this situation it is safer (including for you) to yield, and not get involved in a conflict. Ideally, the husband should try to negotiate with the man before leaving. Explain that he's here for a couple of hours. If in front of you is not adequate, and the husband is objectively weaker physically and does not have any special connections, then indeed, the decision to leave will be reasonable!
You are in an accident, you have problems in the parking lot. They told a loved one.
You inform your husband, lover, boyfriend about your problem and wait for his reaction. What will a real man do? To begin with, if you called him, it means that you have already informed him about the problem and need support. However, in the hustle and bustle of business, it is difficult to understand what kind of support you need - to reassure you by phone or to come urgently? Tell about it yourself!
Where do we see cowardice? You got into an accident or an unpleasant situation in the parking lot, ask to come, and he refuses, despite the absence of very important things.
How can you justify? Perhaps you are the type of lady whose broken nail is also a tragedy? Men, too, get tired of constantly satisfying our whims, even if in general they like this trait in our character. Another option is that you yourself create conflict situations around yourself, you yourself are on the rampage and are accustomed to the fact that he solves these problems for you. Perhaps only you like this game, but he decided to teach you a lesson and make you solve the problem yourself.
Not to be confused with indifference and busyness. If a man does not come to the rescue, this is a signal. It is worth thinking about how dear you are to him and whether you are in general. Also, reconsider your attitude to his affairs, what you may think is not important, may be important to him.
Is our man our defender? Situations in which the manifestation of masculine power is required - to protect the girl from others.
Standard situation on the street. You are being harassed by other men - robbers or just hooligans. There are several of them, your husband is one.
Where do we see cowardice? Cowardice can be considered if your man runs away, leaving you alone to figure it out, or grabs your hand and offers to run away quickly together.
How can you justify? Perhaps he realizes that he really cannot cope with them, and the hooligans are aggressive, then running away together is one of the options for a reasonable solution.
Not to be confused with wisdom. When there are really several guys and a man objectively understands that he cannot beat them, it is also reasonable: a) try to explain verbally that it is better not to mess with you b) ignore the harassment and move on.
My man is a hero! If the guy still got involved in the battle with the scumbags, realizing that the outcome can be anything - he is either reckless or a hero). Here you need to look at the situation. But sometimes, we girls, should think about what is more important for us - to be with a dead hero or a disabled hero, or to be with a reasonable but healthy coward !?
You got into a fight with a woman. Should a man intervene?
Where do we see cowardice? The man has withdrawn from your conflict.
How can you justify? Many men prefer not to get involved in women's showdowns, so as not to come out guilty. This is partly cowardice, and partly wisdom and experience.
Not to be confused with incontinence. He decided to teach the offender a lesson and beat her well or swore obscenities. Now think about the fact that he violated our beloved taboo "not to beat a woman", maybe he will use force against you too?
My man is a hero! You can consider your man a hero if he helped remove an insane person from you who threw herself at you with fists. Do not hit, but remove! Or take you away from the place of the conflict situation. Thus, he simply extinguished the conflict and at the same time retained his image of a cultured, calm, self-confident person.
Love and cowardice. When are men afraid of real feelings?
He doesn't say "I love you." Fears?
How can you justify? Perhaps these words really have a VERY great meaning for him. He does not throw words to the wind. And he will tell you the cherished 3 words before making an offer, when he is completely sure that you are two halves.
Does he not love you? The second and only option is that his feelings for you cannot be called love. Perhaps there is just sympathy between you on his part, or perhaps he initially does not consider any serious relationship between you.
He doesn't want to get married. He is frightened by the stamp in his passport.
How can you justify? Perhaps your man's fears are reinforced by the fact that he has a bad marriage, a runaway bride, or a bad example from his parents. We recommend that you persuade your loved one to contact a psychotherapist for advice.
Not to be confused with cowardice! Some men (especially young men) are shy about getting married as such, especially if their young friends are still walking around and changing partners. For them, marriage, like living together, is a restriction of freedom not only for their own, but also in the eyes of those around them. This cowardice goes away with time.
Does he not love you? There is also such an option. A man subconsciously or even already consciously realizes that it is harder and harder for him to name the feelings between you as love. Perhaps he got bored, “burned out”, or maybe he just thinks that it is difficult to live with you. If you are an independent lady and demonstrate this in every possible way, then a man is afraid that in the struggle for you he will have to spend his whole life and he will not be able to be the master of his destiny. Also, pay attention to how calm and comfortable it is to live with you? Will you scandalize? Do you cook well? Men love comfort and are afraid of losing it.
The main thing is girls, do not forget that men are the same people as you and me. Sometimes their fears grow deeply from childhood, sometimes they are associated with the environment, sometimes they are born in the course of acquiring one or another life experience. Try to support your men, help them fight their fears. Their success is in your hands!
Valeria Protasova
Psychologist with more than three years of practical experience in social psychology and pedagogy. Psychology is my life, my job, my hobby and lifestyle. I am writing what I know about. I believe that human relationships are important in all areas of our life.
Share with your friends:For several years now, while I have my website, the article alone enjoys constant popularity "Signs of a weak man" "," How to understand that a man is weak "," how to build relationships with a weak man "), I saw that someone had typed a query:" how not to kill a cowardly man. " Well, I think everyone has arrived! Lovely girls are driven to despair by weak men and are already ready to take drastic measures.
In order not to kill a coward man, his qualities must be "considered from the very beginning", without haste to "jump" into a relationship with him.
So 5 signs of a weak man:
- Victim Mind / Loser Mind. Such thinking includes: blaming everyone and everything for their failures, a complete refusal to take responsibility for their lives, shifting this very responsibility onto anyone, from their own parents to the president of the country. And as a consequence of the above, we come to the second point.
- Adheres to the rule of life: "Better a tit in the hands than a crane in the sky", that is rejection of any risks in life... He will work in a boring and hateful job, dreaming that if it were not for “this stupid city, this stupid government, these women are all mercantile bitches,” then his dream of working in his favorite job would have come true.
- Boasting and bravado. In terms of the number of “fairy tales” told to women (especially on first dates), Charles Perrault and the Brothers Grimm are simply “gagged”. So all his stories about his merits, accomplishments and achievements should be "divided by 50" and "spaghetti off the ears with a fork."
- Failure to deal with any stress on an emotional level... Any, even the smallest problem drives him into a stupor, and the subsequent reaction may be a departure into a “different reality”: booze, drugs, promiscuous sex, computer games, pornography, or, in fact, “retreat into another world”.
Man and cowardice are, at first glance, two contradictory concepts. However, the fact that a man is not afraid of mice and cockroaches, bloody scenes in films and even skydiving does not make him a daredevil. There are more than enough cowards, although their fears are more social in nature.
Lisa knows very well what the expression “to knock the ground out from under our feet” means. Two months of a cloudless romantic relationship with her beloved ended on one day when her friend simply stopped picking up the phone. Attempts to find out something gave nothing. For several days of silence, Liza almost lost her mind, and then in Odnoklassniki she received a letter from him: “You are very good, but I have a lot of work now, and I cannot afford to treat you lightly. Let's stay friends. " The only way to survive the painful blow was the understanding that, fortunately, she did not have to connect her fate with such a coward.
With the advent of SMS, the Internet and social networks, a real expanse has come for cowards! I wanted to part with my girlfriend - no problem: a short message - and you are free, you can go drink beer with friends. There is no need to look into the eyes of an abandoned beloved, no need to answer questions. Paradise! And what is happening to her is purely her personal grief.
The lowest cowardice is the inability to take responsibility for one's own actions. You can safely cross this off the list of real men.
Marina has been working as a deputy general director in a large company for many years. There are many employees, and staff turnover is a constant phenomenon. I am satisfied with my work, but there is one "but". “I have already developed a guilt complex! She complains. - Every time the chief decides to fire someone, he entrusts this “honorable mission” to me, referring to the fact that he has enough of his own to do. You have no idea how hard it is to tell an employee that he is fired. Someone has a family, someone has a mother, someone is crying, someone is angry, and I have to listen to everything! Let him bear it all himself! "
Yes, the boss is an important, serious and always busy person. But this is not a reason to delegate your work to deputies, secretaries or other representatives. After all, the decision to fire an employee is made by the boss, which means that he must be able to say it. The only pity is that there are few daredevils who are able to say this to his face.
“I hate these male fraternities! - Anya complains. - After a couple of glasses, the husband begins to behave like an idiot! For his friends, he is ready to take off his last shirt, at the first call he runs to them! One day in the middle of the night one called and asked to be met from the airport. The husband, naturally, went. I was proud that this is a man's friendship, I do not understand. And this "friend" later, when he got married, did not even invite him to the wedding! "
Poems and songs have been written about male friendship, films have been made. Men look down on the so-called female friendship and condescendingly pat their friend on the shoulder: they say, well, be friends, be friends ... until the first purchase of identical dresses. Only here are some who do not even suspect that their relationship with friends has nothing to do with real male friendship. A cowardly man needs a company for self-affirmation, and he will do his best to create it and try not to leave the “pride”. Friends call to the bar, and he has already promised his girlfriend home evening? Never mind, a friend will survive, because a cowardly man is very scared that he may not be called a second time. In general, it is basically hard for him to say no. It's hard and scary.
And there is also the other side of the medal: "we are with you," "we are for you," and when the time comes - "I understand you, but my house is on the edge." As Leo Tolstoy said, a cowardly friend is more terrible than an enemy, for you fear the enemy, but you hope for a friend.
Where do cowardly men come from?
The so-called social coward is a cowardly person with weak willpower and weak self-confidence. Unlike depression, cowardice is a character trait, not a temporary state of the human psyche. Therefore, one should not strongly hope that the coward will change. It is only in fairy tales that the Cowardly Lion is ready to do anything to gain courage. Real "cowardly lions" are fine and so.
Where does cowardice come from? Like many of our problems and complexes - from childhood. During puberty, especially among male adolescents, the struggle for dominance in the group and the assertion of one's "ego" begins to be clearly aggressive (hello to school fights "class by class"). Against the background of this struggle, a number of adolescents develop a defensive reaction, expressed in submission with traces of hidden aggression. This protection subsequently leads to the development of cowardice - the fear of open conflict and surreptitious actions. When a boy grows up, cowardice can transform into cunning, but cunning is not good, which has nothing to do with ingenuity.
If you manage to fall in love with a coward, for a long time you will not even suspect about it. When the first delights from the candy-bouquet period have passed, take a closer look at his behavior, carefully ask about past novels. The first sign of cowardice is blaming the woman for everything, hard-hitting words addressed to her and harsh criticism.
Cowardice is a very broad concept, and reproaches of cowardice can be very controversial. If the young man, in response to the attacks of the hooligans, did not enter into a fight with them, this is prudence. If 5 months does not introduce the girl to her parents, this is reluctance. And if he does not want to go to the army, this is the desire to build a career. Or is it cowardice?
Have you ever dealt with cowardly men?
A source:
The man not of your dreams: a coward
Man and cowardice are, at first glance, two contradictory concepts. However, the fact that a man is not afraid of mice and cockroaches, bloody scenes in films and even skydiving does not yet make him
http://www.interfax.by/article/66489#comment-133782
Socionics and other typologies
Socionics - Science or Art?
“I’m not a coward, but I’m afraid,” in a whisper. This "man" has it written on his forehead: "I've already been ringed." Feeling in awe of the realization of his own "manhood", he takes a risk - walks to the left. The wife sooner or later finds out (he’s a bad conspirator - you cannot take him into intelligence), declares his rights and arranges a blast - the “coward” gets out and justifies himself as soon as he can (“I’m not guilty - she came by herself” ). Then he tells you how “brave” he was: “I had to kneel down. "
It loads you with its problems all the time. Never interested in your affairs and feelings. Hangs up the phone when you call, and someone from his loved ones is nearby. In general, he behaves like Katya's lover from my favorite film "Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears." I wanted to spit on your grievances and your problems. Of course, he doesn't spit directly, but he never listens to you, interrupts and starts again about himself and his problems.
He will never divorce his wife, either for you or for anything else. Even if his wife herself files for divorce, he will crawl on his knees in front of her, kiss her dirty shoes and beg not to leave him. Don't waste your time and your nerve cells on it!
I must say, you'd better pay attention to unmarried men, or those who have already divorced themselves. They are not spoiled by the wife's upbringing and other family clichés. But if a man is divorced, it means that he could have unpleasant memories of marriage. With such a man, you must be very careful in your statements and wishes.
If your potential hero was not married, then you will not have to endure comparisons with your ex (his friends, girlfriends and mother often suffer from this), although even if he himself divorced, but recently, he will have to, and all comparisons are usually in favor of the ex, even if she was not an angel in the flesh. You don't have to try to make friends with his kids. Most men want it, if not even ask for it. And there is a lot more that you will not have to endure and do.
A source:
Socionics and other typologies
"Coward" "I'm not a coward, but I'm afraid," - in a whisper. This "man" has it written on his forehead: "I have already been ringed" ... Feeling awe from the realization of his own "manhood", he goes to risk - walks
http://www.socionic.ru/index.php/2011-11-16-03-16-41/20231-lr
The coward does not play
This is one of the most common fears, and in recent years it has been especially common and takes on especially severe forms.
This is one of the most common fears, and in recent years it has been especially common and takes on especially severe forms. There is nothing surprising here: the current art for children cannot be called sparing. Not so long ago, Sergei Obraztsov, the creator of the most famous puppet theater, in all seriousness did not recommend that parents bring their five-year-old children to the play "Little Red Riding Hood", believing that the image of a wolf could make too heavy an impression on them. And now five-year-old children often watch not only cartoons in which monsters, killer robots, vampires, zombies act, but also action films, thrillers and horror films. If we add to this computer games, the heroes of which also bear little resemblance to good-natured bears, brooding donkeys and cute pigs, then one can only marvel at how, with such a load on the psyche, not all of our children are neurotic.
Therefore, the seemingly harmless children's entertainment, like watching cartoons, should be treated very carefully: if a child is subject to fears, he should not be allowed to feed his fantasy with images of monsters. Even if he demands it (often children, freezing with fear, cannot, nevertheless, tear themselves away from the screen when horrors are shown there). You will not follow his lead if he asks for drugs or vodka, and in this case, the harm is quite comparable.
It happens that the fear of fairy-tale characters and monsters masks the fear of overly strict, authoritarian or rude parents. And in this case, you will have to change your behavior, otherwise there will be no positive shifts, no matter how much effort you spend on corrective games. How to define such a fear? Try to look at yourself from the outside. For example, record during the week how many times a day you remark to your child and how many times you praise him. Or ask for the opinion of others, just do not be offended if it turns out to be not entirely flattering for you. And then invite a couple more people to the company (preferably those with whom the child has neutral relations) and play several fairy tales with the participation of negative characters in dolls. If, during the distribution of roles, the child persistently assigns you to the role of Baba Yaga, the Wolf, etc., I would regard this as a reason for reflection.
This technique is used by many psychologists and psychiatrists. Children are asked to make a mask of fear (or "someone scary"), with which the kids take turns frightening each other. This game should be carried out on a great emotional upsurge, not stingy with jokes and laughter in order to drown out the feeling of fear that can initially take possession of children. Adults should not scare a child. Another tip: be sure to dose the game, do not let the kids get overexcited: a sharp outburst of fears can lead to manifestations of aggressiveness. Don't insist if your child refuses to play the fearful role and only wants to scare (or vice versa). Start playing about once a week, and after a while he, most likely, having become infected with the example of his comrades, will agree to play both roles (this is important not only to overcome shyness, but also to be overly critical of himself, which often fetters the behavior of an indecisive child).
After two or three sessions, introduce a new element into the game: let the one who is frightened drive away the terrible mask. But only a pantomime.
It usually appears in children at the age of six and is, in principle, quite normal. When a child suddenly realizes that both he himself and the people around him are mortal, this is a serious shock for him. But then, pretty soon, life takes its toll: the children take comfort in the fact that all this will not be soon, and thoughts of death are gradually pushed into the background. In any case, they do not poison the existence of the child.
However, for some children, the awareness of human mortality makes such a heavy impression that they are unable to recover from it. The fear of death haunts them. Parents are sometimes completely lost, not knowing what to say to a yearning baby. And really, what can you say? That he will live a long, long time, and then scientists will come up with some kind of medicine? Alas, such persuasion usually does not work for children with neurotic, aggravated fear of death. How to be?
My colleague I.Ya. We advise Medvedeva to introduce such children to religion. Belief in the afterlife and in the immortality of the soul gives many children, and not only children, a fulcrum. At least our experience with little neurotics confirms this.
This does not mean that you should not talk about deceased relatives in front of children. Of course, it should, because, among other things, this also gives hope for "life after life": if a person is remembered, it means that he has not left us completely.
As for getting rid of the fear of death in the game, it is hardly ethical to do it directly. Therefore, the games I have cited fight against the fear of death indirectly.
I.Ya. and I are playing this game. We offer Medvedeva to children who are inclined to indulge in despondency and easily fall into despair (namely, among such people, the fear of death is most common).
The presenter denotes some unpleasant situation. For example, a child and his father went to the cinema, but they were late and were not allowed to enter. Unpleasant situation? Undoubtedly! The question is: what can you find positive in it than to comfort yourself? Or, for example, you can go for a ride on the attractions or eat ice cream with the money saved. A point is awarded for each correct answer. Whoever has more points will naturally win. You can also play together, asking situations in turn (but, of course, avoiding tragic stories associated with death).
They are mainly played by girls with a natural artistry and a developed imagination. Fantasizing about who they were in some fairy tale (“let's play that I was once a princess.”), They also latently get rid of the obsessive fear of death. The task of parents in this case is not so much to participate in this game, but to feed the child's imagination, telling him about the life of people in different eras, about bright historical events, reading fascinating books, so that today their daughter wants to imagine herself a princess, tomorrow - a little circus girl like Suok , and the day after tomorrow - "a guest from the future."
Alas, in our time these childhood fears are becoming more and more grounded, and adults should try to create a feeling of greater security in the child as much as possible. There is no need to watch the news with him, in which now and then they talk about catastrophes, terrorist attacks, military conflicts, talk in his presence about the omnipotence of the mafia and about "how terrible it is to live." Be sure to protect your child in all difficult situations for him! If a child cannot stand up for himself, and the parents demand that he repulse the offenders himself, the baby in most cases only becomes even more neurotic, feels completely alone, abandoned to the mercy of fate.
Hooligan fears, attacks, etc. are more common among boys, therefore, games aimed at overcoming them are mainly for men.
The point of the game is in confrontation with someone who symbolizes danger. Victory is possible only when fear is suppressed; it requires confident and precise actions. "Battle" is a complex of four games. They are carried out sequentially under the supervision of an adult. -> First game
fencing with toy sabers (sticks). The victor fights the adult. The shield is not specifically applied as it creates artificial defense and reduces the effect of the game. Of course, the adult must make sure that the children are not overexcited or hurt each other.
The second game is alternate shooting from a bow with arrows-suckers from a distance of about 10 m. You need to dodge the arrow, you can only shield yourself with your hands. The intense anticipation of the shot creates a keen sense of anxiety, but at the same time, the child can take protective measures. And after the shot, regardless of the results, he feels a sense of relief. Thus, emotional tension is released. Repeatedly reversing the roles of attacker and defender helps to improve the way we respond to stressful situations.
This role-playing game is based on the story from "The Tale of the Kid and Carlson Who Lives on the Roof." As a matter of fact, in A. Lindgren's book there are two whole plots devoted to the attempted robbery, but with preschoolers it is better to limit ourselves to the first one, in which Carlson acts as a ghost. In the image of the mummy, affectionately called the fat-cheeked prankster Mom, there is a frightening novelty for kids, so instead of curing their fears, they may well have new ones. Schoolchildren of 8-9 years old are psychologically more prepared for the perception of this image. Most likely, they have already heard something about embalming and about Egyptian tombs (or maybe they saw mummies in museums), so for them a humorous moment will come to the fore in this story: the fact that the mummy is made of towels and from Uncle Julius's false jaw (which is very easy to draw). You can act out scenes both in puppets and "live".
These fears are common among preschoolers. At school age, fearing ridicule, children gradually overcome them. The game "Fight" is useful for boys, and an adult, commenting on what is happening, should especially note the child's endurance, be amazed at how he is not afraid of pain, say that another in his place would have burst into tears long ago, etc. You can then play in a military hospital, again emphasizing the courageous behavior of the "wounded".
This is a traditional game for girls, usually one of the options for playing with dolls. But to more effectively overcome the fear of pain and doctors, it is better to "humanize" it. All medical procedures that cause fear must be reproduced in as much detail as possible. Let your daughter be both a doctor and a patient. And not one, but several: she will play a girl who is not afraid of anything, and a girl who is afraid only of injections, but takes everything else calmly, and a coward who does not even agree to enter the office. However, do not correlate this with her behavior and do not read lectures, and if she herself starts a conversation about her fear, say that before, maybe her daughter behaved a little similarly, but now everything is different.
To overcome the fear of punishment, of course, provided that the parents change their behavior, outdoor games are shown.
The difference between this version and the well-known game is that the adult in the role of the driver sets the tone, jokingly threatening to find its participants at all costs and deal with them, i.e. acts as a kind of grotesque villain Barmaley. Children are given the condition that they must remain completely silent, holding back even when Barmaley comes very close to them. In extreme cases, you can only make the sound "oo-oo-oo-oo!". If someone finds himself ahead of time, he either receives penalty points or is out of the game. When the driver catches someone, he, as it should be in "Zhmurki", recognizes him by touch. They all take turns. The game lasts an average of 20-30 minutes, so that everyone has been in the role of a driver more than once. In addition to the fear of punishment, "Zhmurki" helps to overcome the fear of darkness and confined space.
This is a fairly well-known game, although in recent years, alas, it is far from being as popular as 15-20 years ago. Play it in the fresh air. The game involves at least three: one person is in the middle, and two players, standing opposite each other at a distance of 5-8 meters, try to hit him with the ball and "knock" him out of the game. If the kicker manages to catch the ball on the fly, he gets a point (analogous to the extra “life” in computer games) and, accordingly, the opportunity to pay off with this point when the players throwing the ball finally hit the target. It is desirable, of course, that the adult, whom the child is afraid of, should participate in the game. If this does not work out (for example, a strict father flatly refuses to "do nonsense" and you can't beat him with anything), connect another adult of the same sex and about the same age to the game.
Rarely what kind of gathering in the circle of girlfriends goes without discussing what modern men are cowardly and irresponsible. Psychologist Tatiana Strashuk believes that before you hang labels, you should understand the reasons for the behavior of your chosen one.
Most recently, he said that you are the only one with him. And then suddenly he disappeared without explanation. Now he hides and does not pick up the phone when you call. And you cry into your friend's waistcoat, calling him a coward in your hearts. And really, why does he not have the courage to admit honestly, looking in the eyes, that he no longer wants to continue the relationship?
Men and women cannot be measured by the same yardstick, warns psychologist Tatiana Strashuk... - Often women refer to men without understanding how different we are. A woman, like a fish in water, feels herself in an inner "circle". This is family, home, relationships with loved ones. The nature of a man is in external activity: conquest, work, protection, action. For the same reason, a man is not as developed as a woman's emotional sphere. Most men, even discovering moments of sensitivity in themselves, are afraid of them, considering them not masculine.
Thus, for a woman, emotions are her kingdom, for a man - something dangerous, alarming. This is not their sphere, here they feel like "snakes in a hot frying pan." And if a woman can have intimate conversations with her friends for hours, then for a man such conversations are a moment of extreme, almost intimate openness and vulnerability. And if so, then there is always the danger of "missing the hit." Therefore, it is much easier for a man to choose action over conversations, even if the action is the choice of inaction, that is, avoiding the problem.
Now it is clear why your chosen one chose to hide instead of sorting out the relationship with you? Indeed, many men admit that it is easier for them to "get in the face" than to be condemned, to feel humiliated, insulted. But this is what a man fears most in conflict situations.
So many men's actions, which seem cowardly and meanness to us, are actually explained by the fear of their own experiences and feelings. Moving away from solving problems, a man seems to forget about what worries him. Just because he is hiding and not answering phone calls does not mean that he is dismissive of you. He hides from himself, and at the same time protects his self-esteem. The fear of one's own experiences, which will surely arise at the time of a difficult debriefing in a relationship, includes such unconscious defense mechanisms in the psyche.
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As soon as your friend got pregnant, her companion shook like an aspen leaf. And then he asked for a time-out and drove off for two weeks to my mother. And the husband of another friend of yours has been wiping his pants in a hateful position for several years now, receiving neither moral nor material satisfaction. At the same time, he desperately clings to this place, fearing to lose what he has. And at the women's council you give both poor fellows an categorical diagnosis: a coward, an irresponsible infantile, a mama's son.
- You may have noticed that different people react differently to danger. Some freeze - fear paralyzes them, others, on the contrary, react swiftly, flee. What may seem natural to a woman, such as pregnancy, may be perceived by a man as a danger signal. And ... flee.
In general, the fear of responsibility is a fairly common phenomenon, especially in our time. And not only in men. It often stems from a wrong attitude towards the very concept of responsibility. In my practice, I have come across the fact that the very word "responsibility" causes fear and rejection in many. This means that everything that is directly or indirectly related to responsibility will be reflected by fear until a person realizes that in fact responsibility is what happens to him every moment of life, whether he wants it or not, he accepts it is or runs from it. Because only the person himself is responsible for his life and everything that happens in it. It is he who receives all the consequences from his actions, thoughts, words.
While a person is in the illusion that someone or something from the outside is responsible for what is happening to him, he will behave infantile, immature in relation to himself and others. Only the realization that I and only I am the master of my life, the cause and effect of what is happening, allows a person to accept ALL the consequences of his actions.
What are the reasons for irresponsible and immature behavior?
♦ A man in the family could be treated like a child for a long time, not trusting him with important matters. Therefore, he is used to the fact that all important decisions are not made by him. In adulthood, especially at critical moments, he reacts in a similar way - like a child who waits for someone to come and decide everything for him. And let it all take its course. After all, he lacks the experience of taking responsibility, faith in himself and his ability to make decisions.
♦ A man subconsciously adopted an irresponsible model of behavior from his father or other significant men in his family.
♦ The boy grew up without a father, and the mother fulfilled the functions of two roles. At the same time, she did not bring up male qualities in the child, did not explain male functions and psychological differences between the sexes. Especially if the child was at the same time the "navel of the universe", and he was assigned only the royal role of "mama's son". In adulthood, such a man will wait for decisions and actions from a woman, sincerely offended by the demands to be responsible for his words and actions, not understanding why this is expected of him.
Can a man's behavior be changed?
Knowing the reasons makes it easier to understand the situation, but does not change it, says Tatiana Strashuk. - No one can ever change, remake anyone without personal desire. A person can influence something only through himself, realizing his own mistakes. And here the most important thing is the understanding of the woman herself, that it was such a man that she met for a reason, with something in herself she drew him into her life. Apparently, some subconscious signals emanate from her to the outside world, which are consonant with a man of such behavior. If you are being treated irresponsibly, they are lying to you, then this most likely means that you are doing this to yourself. So, it is possible to change this situation by researching: WHAT IN ME attracts irresponsible and cowardly men into my life? Our relationship with the world, and especially with men, reflects our relationship with ourselves. After all, the world is a mirror in which everyone sees their own reflection.
Tatiana Koryakina