Our taxi drivers are the record holders for inappropriate questions and advice. They are experts in literally everything - from the president's policies to hungry African children. And when it comes to you personally, they are especially perspicacious: by asking a couple of questions, they will immediately determine what you lack for happiness. In any situation, they have a story from personal experience... It is generally better not to mess with taxi drivers, to be silent or to answer in monosyllables, to transfer the topic to dug roads and a shortage of medical masks. But here everything is not so complicated: in a couple of blocks you will leave the annoying interlocutor.

It is much more difficult when a loved one acts as an uninvited psychologist. It is difficult to adequately answer dear grandmother who wants only good, and does not offend her. And it is necessary to maintain warm and trusting relationships in the family at all costs. So what do you do? How to answer questions if you find it unpleasant even to hear them? We asked psychologist Evgenia Khokhlatova to help us find answers to the most common awkward questions that every girl hears from her relatives.

When will you get married?

"V next year- exactly. "The proximity of the date will reassure relatives, and next year you can shrug your shoulders and say:" There is no one to marry yet! But next year - for sure! "

You are pregnant? Why then do you have a fever, cough, diarrhea, reddened eyes and an abscess on the heel come out? Definitely pregnant!

Usually such questions are asked with annoying regularity, so you just have to learn not to react and answer as calmly as possible: "No, I'm not pregnant." Moreover, you need to deny this, even if in fact you are pregnant. Because you would not want your mother to find out about the impending grandchild in the context of your cough and abscesses?

When will we have grandchildren?

This question is very delicate, but, unfortunately, most relatives do not even suspect what pain they can cause by asking it. In any case, it is better to answer: "It is not working yet." It doesn't matter what you mean - the physical, psychological or financial aspects of the case.

When to give birth?

This question sometimes causes us a lot of discomfort. Even if we know the exact date of birth, we do not always want even the closest relatives to know it. Therefore, it is best to answer this question vaguely: “I don’t know the date, the doctors say it is closer to the end of the month”.

When after the second, third, girl?

"We'll see how it goes". And who can give the exact dates? No one. All is the will of the Almighty.

Why do you need a dog, a cat, hamsters, you can't give birth to your own child?

Here you can add rigidity. What is hello - that is the answer, as they say. "You can leave your dog, cat and hamsters at home alone, feed them dry food and close them on the balcony at night so they don't interfere with sleep. And a child is too much of a responsibility for me." Well, if in principle you cannot offend the questioner, it is better to answer: "Just on a dog, cat, hamsters, I train to be responsible and take care of little cute creatures."

How is your ex-husband doing?

The situation here is twofold. If you and your husband separated amicably and your relatives treat him normally, then this question should not cause you negativity. But if your husband betrayed you, left you, went to another and does not pay alimony, then it is better to reassure your relatives with an answer: “I don’t know. I hope it’s bad.” Because even if you sincerely wish him well and tell your family about it, a long noisy argument with explanations will begin, and this is exactly what we are trying to avoid.

When will you find a normal job?

Sometimes it is difficult to understand what the loved ones mean by "normal" work. Perhaps this is just what they need to find out. But if you still think your job is normal and the salary suits you, it is better to explain this to your relatives once and for all. But in the event that you are interrupted by a rare freelance, the work is really difficult to call normal. "I send out my resume every day, apparently, my place in a cool company is still being prepared for me" - approximately this answer should satisfy my relatives. At least the first three times.

How much money do you make?

This is difficult. Until you voice specific numbers, you are unlikely to be left behind. And any numbers may not be to someone's liking - either too little or too much. Therefore, it is better to give an answer with a maximum spread: "It turns out differently, from 100 to 200 thousand tenge. Months on months are not necessary." It is even more difficult when they are interested in the husband's income. Here you walk on the edge of a knife, risking the wrath of both your relatives and your husband. Better to answer: "I don't know, but we have enough."

What did you spend all your money on ?! You are living beyond your means!

This question arises in two cases: if your parents help you financially or are aware of all your expenses. Better, of course, if you don't know and don't help. In any case, the answer is: "I read books about the family budget and try to plan expenses correctly. But it does not always work out."

Why do you need a robot vacuum cleaner and a dishwasher ?! Aren't you ashamed to hire a housekeeper, give her your money? We used to do everything ourselves, and nothing, we did everything in time and did not complain.

"I work a lot and I need a decent rest. I'd rather work extra time and pay for cleaning than earn little money, but do everything myself. Now is a different time and it's a sin not to use new technologies and professional services."

Why ruined the skin?(About piercing, tattoos, tattooing)

Our relatives over 50 cannot and do not want to perceive that "my body is my business", and this phrase can make them very angry. Very a large number of young people hide tattoos and piercings, if not done in a conspicuous place. But if relatives were dumbfounded to see the "zek's portaca" and "rings like a bull," it is better to repent and blame everything on your youth and immaturity. "As I grow up, I will, do not worry. Now they remove anything with a laser. But for now, I like it that way."

Why don't you keep the oraz?

It must be understood that fasting is not a diet. And with the most serious face to answer: "I am not ready yet. It is necessary to prepare for this mentally and not in one year." It is possible that you will still have to listen to the longest sermons in your life once again - just accept it.

A person feels best in this world when his innate properties were properly developed in childhood, as well as when these properties are fully realized in adulthood. In the case of incorrect development or lack of implementation, the same properties appear with a minus sign. It is impossible to do this without realizing their properties and desires, because the desire to be good for everyone, even to the detriment of their own realization and life, will still return them to a situation where their personal boundaries will be violated ...

You are outraged to the depths of your soul by immodest questions: "Why are you still not married (not married)?" or “Have you already had something with him? Have you kissed? " Or authoritative advice spoils the mood: "You are already thirty - it's time to think about children!"

Who cares? This is my personal life!

Or you have to do something all the time that you did not intend to do at all. Instead of quietly tidying up the house on weekends, you have to go skiing and “have fun” at the party. And you cannot refuse, you are uncomfortable!

What if people invade privacy all the time, disrupt your plans and even manipulate? There is only one thing left - to learn to defend and defend personal boundaries. But how? At Yuri Burlan's training "System-Vector Psychology", students begin to clearly understand how to do this. When they really need to be protected, and when too vigilantly guarded personal space makes our life bleak and lonely.

Right to privacy

Borders really need to be defended. For example, when they ask tactless questions about personal life or, even more so, about intimate relationships. These provocations should not be carried out in any case. The intimate life between lovers or spouses really concerns only the two of them and should not be the property of others. Even if it's a close friend or mom.

After letting the third person into the relationship of two, we lose intimacy and trust in the couple. And splashing emotions with a friend or parents, we take them away from the person to whom they were intended and who caused them, and we cannot build a strong emotional connection that connects a couple for many years.

Too soft people

Why is it easy for some people to stop an impudent person who unceremoniously invades their personal space, to answer “no” to an uncomfortable request, or in extreme cases to laugh it off, while others, despite all their attempts, fail?

All people are different, but the most vulnerable in terms of personal boundaries are most often people with an anal-visual ligament of vectors. It is difficult for them to refuse another person, to insist on their opinion, so they easily succumb to various manipulations. They are the ones who often receive advice from psychologists about the need to build personal boundaries, protect their personal space and learn to say "no".

A person feels best in this world when his innate properties were properly developed in childhood, as well as when these properties are fully realized in adulthood. In the case of incorrect development or lack of implementation, the same properties appear with a minus sign. People with the anal-visual ligament of vectors in this case are easily influenced, often behave as shy and insecure.

For example, all cultured people know what to share. But what to do when people come to you at any time and behave like at home? These kind and gentle people cannot refuse, and then they suffer and worry. It seems that they really need to set a boundary: "when I'm kind and when I'm not." Just how to do it?

It is impossible to do this without realizing their properties and desires, because the desire to be, even to the detriment of their own realization and life, will still return them to a situation where their personal boundaries will be violated.

Stop: personal boundaries!

Owners and vectors are especially sensitive to violation of personal boundaries. The first are by nature individualists. It was they who came up with the protection of private property and personal space, because these are their values. They perceive the violation of personal boundaries very painfully and are perfectly able to defend them. It is easiest for them to refuse another person if this does not coincide with their understanding of the benefit-benefit.

The latter are also extremely sensitive to invasions of personal space, but for different reasons. The sound engineer likes to think, to focus the thought. It gives him pleasure. And for this he needs silence and solitude. Ideally, when the sound engineer has his own room in the house, his own personal space, where others should not intrude without permission.

The soundman also does not like advice on when he should get married and have children and, in general, be like everyone else, because he feels like a unique person, far from everyday problems. The desire of others to direct him into the mainstream of philistine life with its cycle of "work - family" is regarded as pressure, as an attempt to interfere with personal life.

To feel the desire for this, the sound engineer must realize his desires for knowing himself and other people. Then he will not need to be forced to live a "normal" life - he himself will want it. Filling sound desires awakens interest in life in all its manifestations.

How to protect yourself from invasion of personal space and obsessive curiosity?

First you need to find out your weaknesses, and also at the very early stages, learn how to track attempts to manipulate and violate your boundaries. Trainees of the training "System-vector psychology", in addition to understanding themselves, acquire the ability to recognize the properties and intentions of other people. This avoids any manipulation.

For example, do not make concessions when the other person, even if it is close, throws tantrums, uses emotional blackmail. There is an understanding of what to do in each such situation, how to stay calm, and even how to help the blackmailer himself, not to his own detriment. There is no feeling of guilt, and therefore no desire to somehow compensate for it and fulfill the conditions of the manipulator.

A person begins to see who should be allowed closer and who should be kept at a distance. For example, to distinguish between the same owners of the skin vector who, in certain states, so zealously defend their right to privacy, and they themselves are very fond of prying into other people's affairs and using this information for their own purposes.

Or the owner because of his ability to laugh, chat, relieve tension. People love orals and get too close easily. However, the secret told to such a person very soon ceases to be a secret, everyone will know about it, and with a million non-existent details.

"Limitless" people

Mental characteristics also play an important role in the perception and respect of other people's personal boundaries. For example, in Western countries with a skin mentality, most people sacredly respect personal boundaries because they value privacy. Here, even at a job interview, you cannot ask a candidate about everything.

And in Russia from her there is no internal concept of personal boundaries. For millennia, we survived only together, in close cooperation with each other in a harsh climate and an unstable harvest. And during the years of Soviet power, they got along in communal apartments. It happened that they swore and fought, and yet they lived together and always helped each other in difficult situations... Everyone was in plain sight, closer to each other than relatives, and knew everything about each other - it was simply impossible to hide something.

And although times have changed and the skin phase of human development is in the yard with the flowering of skin values ​​of individualism and private property, mentally we have remained the same. Our business is built on a personal relationship, and it is not shameful to ask a barely familiar person how he feels and how his close relatives are doing. Or "sympathize": "You've been too late in the girls."

Borders borders strife

Now you can often hear that you need to love yourself, put your personal interests above everything. And some " knowledgeable people”Even advise to get rid of the feeling of guilt and sense of responsibility - they say, it’s easier to preserve your personal boundaries.

This is deeply harmful advice, because it does not allow the development of emotional ties between people, sincere communication, which gives a modern person the most pleasure. Is it possible to love a person who, upon a call for help, says: “These are your problems”? Wouldn't he himself feel deeply alone and therefore completely unhappy?

And in our mentality, with such an attitude towards people, we generally run the risk of becoming outcasts. After all, we especially do not like individualists and greedy people.

The art of setting personal boundaries where they should be and fearlessly opening up to people in other situations is formed. This knowledge is not perceived as something that must be constantly kept in mind so as not to weaken the defense. It becomes natural, like breathing. You understand who you can trust and who you shouldn't,. It is interesting that the desire to hurt you in some way or to manipulate you from others also goes away.

The article was written based on the training materials “ System-vector psychology»

The statuses "people climb, without hesitation, into someone else's life" - of course, not about something positive. However, they will help to reflect the real side of life.

Some have completely lost their human appearance

1. Hey girl, you don't fit into my big picture of the world in any way, so please go somewhere farther!
2. As soon as one * time disappears from your life, it immediately becomes wonderful!
3. Have bad people being surrounded is as bad as having bad habits.
4. If something always goes wrong in your life, believe me, I definitely have nothing to do with it.
5. I live the way I want, and I don't give a damn about the rest!
6. I will come out the winner anyway. You know, I'm not used to losing at all.
7. The biggest delusion is to do everything right and always.
8. I do not live in the past, I immediately forget the offense. Therefore, all your phrases will not do me any harm.
9. Time will pass and everything will be forgotten. Only the result will be visible. Believe me.
10. I don't need you, so you can blame all fours!
11. You know, I even loved your flaws. And you acted like this :(.
12. I don't care about my flaws. I will be happy with them too: D.
13. I will not say that I am not like everyone else. The same, but much better))).
14. I don't need excessive modesty. I'll just ask you to close your mouths if I need to!
15. You ruined everything yourself. This meant that you no longer need me. I do not want to invent something superfluous for myself.
16. Tomorrow may not come. And you are scattering such words!
17. When I feel bad, I usually sit alone, and when I feel good, all my friends stick. The question is: why do I need them at all?
18. Only time will tell who was a true friend and who just wanted to get to know you better.
19. You are not a friend, you are just a slit. From which gossip comes.
20. If you start pleasing people just to be loved, you run out of time.
21. If I can laugh at myself, this does not mean that you, too, should laugh at me ...
22. There are never many friends. And more often than not, they do not exist at all.
23. People who know how to live better for me! Don't you have that much to do?
24. If you suddenly decide to go on a diet, the worst thing is to make excuses to those who knew about this very diet ...
25. Dear, I know who a real woman is and who is a real man, I know too.
26. Sometimes casual passers-by are much kinder and more merciful than the seemingly best friends.

Stop "interpreting" my actions. It's time to come to terms with the fact that I'm just living for myself

Everyone claims that they do not want to know anything about someone else's life. Nevertheless, everyone is watching each other in in social networks: status about people who climb into life.

1. You don't need to compare me with anyone. And in general, there is no need to meddle in my life.
2. He's mine, period. And I don't care what your opinion will be.
3. Life is one, and I'm not going to waste it to please all of you.
4. It's so great to realize that you are living for yourself and not trying to please anyone.
5. Or maybe I don’t want to make millions, I don’t want to strive for myself handsome guy, and I don't even want to lose weight either!
6. I'm real, you know? I will never keep silent if something really worries me!
7. If you think that you want to like me, then you are very, very wrong!
8. I don’t believe in luck, I don’t gossip, I don’t smile fake. Only you losers do this.
9. Your trouble is what you say when no one asks you!
10. You need to look at things soberly. And if you're a turd man, then you shouldn't blame someone else.
11. I will only tolerate whims if I have a child. And I will not tolerate them from guys or girlfriends.
12. Take your eyes off smartphones and understand: life exists independently of likes on Instagram.
13. Don't be bothered by what I wear, what time I come home, and whom I love ...
14. You know, I don’t listen to your advice for one simple reason: I don’t want to be like you!
15. Your gossip, of course, is all entertaining, but there is a very big difference between reality and your imagination.
16. You'd better go read a book instead of looking into my personal life ...
17. In order to have a lot of money, you don't need much intelligence. But self-confidence - yes, it is necessary.
18. You are all ordinary people to me. I don't want to spoil my opinion about you, that's why I don't listen to what you say!
19. There are so many gossips about me that it is no longer interesting to listen to them ...

It's a pity that there are no instructions for life

Statuses "please don't meddle in my life" - if you have nothing left but to express your indignation. Remember that this can always be done beautifully!

1. Happiness can only be your own. And you don't even need to look at someone else's!
2. I am friends with whom I want. Finally I figured it out !!!
3. You can think what you want about me. Until, of course, until it bothers me myself ...
4. The difference between you and me is that I do not pay attention to the person's past. His present is more important to me.
5. Understanding your life is much easier. But to start acting in your own - this is already more difficult!
6. Instead of gossiping about me, you would go to work and get a job for me. You could even find a normal guy: D.
7. I really achieved everything in an honest way. And I don't care if you believe it or not.
8. Few people can sincerely admire, help, say "thank you". But those people who do this, know: you are the best.
9. I would like this world to be a better place, but I am drawn to nibble all those who say at least one bad word about me: D.
10. Most best advice that I have ever heard: forget all the advice, and live the way you need to.
11. Have the courage to make a choice. And he didn’t even try to please anyone!
12. Hey you, yes you, what are you telling everyone about me there? You know my number, call and tell me personally.
13. Anyone who says that I am somehow not like that, I advise you to just knock your head on the wall a little. You can do a lot!
14. You cannot know how I will be better just because you were never me.
15. Remember that while you are discussing me, your husband, your children, and your life also need attention.
16. Thank you, of course, for such attention to my person, but I'll figure it out somehow without you.
17. Remember, you need to pay attention to your life too. And not just follow the stranger.
18. Why do you think that I will allow myself to give advice? I don't even let my mother get close to me.
19. I will deal with my problems, you do not worry about the main thing there. Don't worry too much.
20. I understand that my life is quite interesting. Just don’t come up with extra stories for it.
21. They often tell me, they say, behave this way or that, and then what will people think. So I'll tell you that I don't care. What will they think.
22. I just don't see the point in what you are saying. That is why I am not very worried about this.
23. Hmm. I would be sorry to spend so much time discussing someone. Even if you love yourself: D.
24. Please, I'm asking you to make your life a little more interesting. Maybe at least then you will stop climbing into mine!
25. It's not that bad. So many people envy me!
26. I'm not ready to just blame myself for anything. All the more so - in what you came up with there.
27. I'm not going to prove anything to you. And not because you are wrong, but I am right, but because I simply do not need it.

The statuses "do not meddle in my life" will help get rid of ill-wishers on social networks.

"Come to me, Glafira,
I was worn out alone.
Bring me a piece of cheese
The two of us will eat it "

How many times do we say ourselves and hear this phrase from others: "stay out of my personal life!"

Concept privacy(privacy, English - privacy, a sphere of private life, into which access is closed to outsiders) has become a barrier, delimiting, separating and distancing. I'm not a supporter of mixing everything up, but here, it seems, lies the roots of a sociological tree (an analogue of a geneological tree), a tree whose branches are shorter and shorter, and the foliage has not been engaged in enriching space with oxygen for a long time. This is important and needs to be figured out.

People get disconnected because it's fashionable. This complex of an unbalanced teenager, who believes that life is only for him and for him, and everyone else does not understand anything and, in general, went out for a walk.

Remember the film "For family reasons", there, too, everyone sought their own truth, everyone considered themselves offended by their own loved ones, and stubbornly did not want to admit tyranny. Life unites everyone, and death too, but it is better to understand the issues of self-esteem - your need and independence even during your lifetime. Because, as the song says:

"Better to be full than hungry
It's better to live in peace than in spite
Better to be needed than free
I know this from myself! "

Removing loved ones, not letting them into the space of our personal life, we take away from them the opportunity to live our life with us, to sympathize, to empathize, to participate in the events that happen to us. We all see idle languages, spleenti, the collapse of plans, hopes and still not know what horrors ... horrors)) And the fact that old parents have nothing else to live with, except for us, their children and grandchildren? And what about the question "how are you, friend?" are we brushing off a friend with a blurry "normal"? After all, relatives so express their desire to be closer, to be with us. It happens subconsciously at times, but nevertheless it is the most significant, most intimate thing for them. Their life accounts with successes and achievements are not directed at you, they need you as an essential part of their own world, you are the composition of the air they breathe, you are the density of the foundations that hold them, you are relatives, loved ones, friends, children, husbands and wives - the essence of the essence of their existence. And this, which has already become customary, dismissing the participation of relatives, removing the care of loved ones, as a result, grows in a person complexes of isolation: it seems that he lives among people, and he is nobody's and nobody's. Probably, this is how the weed sprouts, making the once well-groomed cultivation wild and unpleasant.

Recently, in a conversation about work, I gave birth to one phrase: "a photographer without self-esteem, like a man without eggs." Self-esteem is the point of the points. Only, in the profession, self-esteem is needed to separate the grains from the chaff, but in everyday life, in life, everything is different. Or has the person become so secretive, or his little world has become so significant that now this person, for the sake of his personal, is ready to sacrifice the big one? Another wife, even hearing the same joke for the thousandth time, makes herself smile at her husband, because together they are one whole, they are connected by the commonality of their life, and not by the little things of momentary importance to each other.

In a word, do not waste yourselves for trifles and do not exchange your loved ones.

"... Come to the room, Glafira,
Inadvertently, by chance,
Bring me a piece of cheese
After all, what a tea without cheese!
You are two pieces of sausages,
I'll find the butter.
Nowadays alone
Do not live, keep in mind ... "