When a child grows up, he goes through several stages of his development, characterized by psychological and physical characteristics.

To learn how to raise a man, read the advice of psychologists that we shared with you.

How to raise a child-boy in one and two years

In the first 2 years of life, a child turns from a completely helpless baby into a little man who already has character traits.

Children aged 1-2 years have a high physical activity. As soon as they start walking, the sons begin to explore the space around them with great interest. First the room, then the whole apartment and the street.

During this period it is necessary:

• Create conditions for an active lifestyle. This means that you need to walk more, allow you to run, climb, jump. Do not limit the child too much, and if his actions are dangerous, then switch his attention to another activity. Try to climb stairs with your child, do not carry him in your arms when he wants to walk. Buy some balls different sizes, learn to throw them at the target and catch. Many people like to climb on chairs and sofas. Allow everything that helps physical development baby. There is also a large psychological component to this - the child learns to overcome difficulties, fight fear and turn on ingenuity, for example, to climb somewhere.

• Encourage independence. Mom will have to be patient to wait for her son to take off his clothes, or with mom to reach the apartment. In such situations, you can help a little, but in no case should you do the job for the child. If, for example, you assemble a pyramid for him, over which he sat for half an hour, then you will completely kill all the desire to do anything on your own.

• Encourage the pursuit of domestic work. Toddlers over 1.5 years old are very fond of repeating after adults and helping them do some things. Some like to carry a rag on the floor, others like to rattle pots, and others like to rub carrots like a mother. Let your child try to do the same as you, and it does not matter that there is a puddle of water and grated carrots on the floor. IN childhood such activities contribute to the development of both physical skills and character education.

By the age of two, it becomes necessary to develop some prohibitions, since sometimes the baby’s desires can be harmful to health and life. In addition, from the age of 2, it is necessary to gradually instill norms of behavior and introduce a system of restrictions and punishments.

At this stage of upbringing, one should not envelop the child with excessive care, limit him motor activity and curiosity, except in cases of danger.

If the baby has not yet begun to talk, then do not put pressure on him, do not force him to speak and do not show displeasure. Keep in mind that compared to girls, boys start talking later.

The main task of raising a baby up to 2 years old is the development of motor skills, physical qualities and curiosity.

The main occupation of the little one at this age is the games that he loves. If the child prefers active activities - running, ball or climbing, and does not like to collect blocks and draw, then you do not need to force him. Offer it to him periodically, but don't force it.

Raising a three year old

By the age of three, babies are already consciously performing simple operations, talking and communicating with their peers. At this time, there is a clear differentiation by gender, that is, the child is aware of a boy or a girl. For the son, the main person is still the mother.

The tasks of raising a three-year-old baby are as follows:

• Instill self love and belonging male gender. It is important to let the child understand that it is good to be a man. Reinforce this verbally: you are brave, strong, dexterous, and so on. You can't call your son a coward or a weakling. Such a message encourages the child to pay more attention to his father and try to imitate him. Young children who are raised in this way admire their dads, tend to spend more time with them. When the child reaches the age of three, the father should devote more time to raising his son and be patient. At this stage, relationships between them are laid, and how they begin will largely determine the character of the baby and his qualities. If the father shows excessive harshness and irritability towards his son, avoids classes with him, the child will seek attention from his mother and reach out to her.

• Continue to improve physical development and ensure an active lifestyle. Expand your baby's space. For normal physical and psychological development a boy needs enough space, a certain freedom. The accumulated energy requires release, and the best way is active games. Another thing is when the baby is hyperactive. In this case, the approach to education changes a little. Such children are not assiduous, impulsive, cannot complete a task to the end and are engaged in one or the other. Hyperactive babies require special attention, they lack self-regulation skills, so you should protect them from overwork. With such a child, it is better to draw, sculpt, build more. This must be done jointly.

• Encourage research interest. Here the main principle is that everything that is not dangerous is allowed. You can disassemble toys, even if after that they break. Do not scold for torn pants, broken cars and broken plates. Interest must be satisfied if it is not dangerous. Otherwise, you risk growing an indifferent and indifferent person.

Raising a 4 year old

By the age of four, children begin to develop emotionality.

Education at this age is as follows:

• Show love and affection to your child. Numerous studies have shown that four-year-old boys are praised 4 times less than girls, and punished much more often. Therefore, do not forget that at the age of 4 your son is still a child who has fears and worries, and he cannot yet cope with them. Therefore, be patient with the baby, show that you love him. Do not think that in this case it will grow a mattress.

• Learn to express emotions correctly. Do not demand restrained behavior from the child. Features of psychological development at this age do not allow him to control emotions all the time.

• Expand your space. The child is growing, and for further physical development he needs more space. Get your son a sports corner, drive more often sports grounds ride a bike together. It is better for dad to do all these activities, or organize them with the whole family.

At the age of four, the formation of an idea of ​​\u200b\u200bone's own personality as a representative of the male sex ends. At 4 years old, the baby already clearly understands that he is a boy, and considers himself to be a man.

Principles of raising a child 5-6 years old

At this age, the child is already accustomed to kindergarten, if he attends, and has developed the skills of behavior and communication with peers. There comes a preparatory period for school.

To the continuation of physical development, new tasks of education are added:

• Psychological preparation for the beginning of educational activity. It is necessary to form a desire to go to school. Then the adaptation will be faster and easier. Talk only in a positive way, avoid pessimistic conversations with your spouse in the presence of a child about upcoming difficulties, because children hear and perceive everything.

• Strengthening the role of the father in education. How to properly raise a father from a boy to a real man, what psychology says? Find a shared hobby that you can do at home, such as wood burning, sculpting, wood carving, and so on. Don't forget mobile games. Some children at this age are already enrolled in sports sections, but this is individual and depends on the nature and readiness of the child.

• Purchase useful toys. Get your son toy tools, constructors with nuts and wrenches.

• Formation of housework skills. Invite your son to help around the house. It is better if it will help the father in men's affairs - fix the tap, hang a shelf, take something apart.

Principles of raising a teenager

Adolescence is a turning point and a difficult moment not only for parents, but also for the child. But not all children are having a hard time at the age of 13-14, for some the transition period passes almost imperceptibly.

The upbringing of a teenager is based on several principles:

• "No" to total bans. In childhood, it was enough to say “no” and briefly explain the reason for the ban. For a teenager, this is a serious cause for conflict. Therefore, total bans should be avoided. It is necessary to build a dialogue with the child, but it must also be correct. The dialogue should not turn into a notation. Argument your position, give reasonable arguments. It is better if dad conducts the conversation, since in adolescence the dialogue of two men will be more fruitful. Young men already feel like men, so they often do not want to listen to their mother and obey, just because she is a woman.

• Communication. Despite the fact that your son is already quite mature and independent, do not neglect communication with him. Talk on various topics, be interested in his affairs, friends, support good ideas and encourage good practice.

• Equality. Be on an equal footing with the child, perhaps the age when you were a teacher has already passed, and the period of partnership has come. Ask for help in what your son is better at. For example, help with a computer, printing documents, and so on. Those guys who have been involved in sports, music or other activities since childhood may want to quit. The reasons may be different, but often it is laziness, unwillingness to go, loss of interest, substitution by games and a computer. Here it is important for parents to show firmness and convince them to continue classes.

In adolescence, a young man tries to show his independence and significance, so accept him as an equal.

A mother plays an important role in a child's life. During the first few years, his mother is the whole world for him. The child depends on her not only physically, but also psychologically. In the process of growing up, the importance of the mother and how the child perceives her changes.

In order for your son to perceive you correctly, we will give some advice.

• Stay a woman. Even if you are very fond of cars, designers and are fond of sports, in the eyes of your son you must be a woman. Through you, he forms the perception of the female sex and attitude towards it. Ask for help with bags, open doors, look feminine.

• Be a friend. Involve your son in helping around the house, and then you will always have time to make crafts with your son, chat with him and learn about his affairs.

• Never speak contemptuously of men. No problems, family discord or even divorce should make you speak ill of men in front of your son. He is also a representative of the male sex, and it is very insulting to him. In adolescence, this can lead to internal conflict in the child.

To sum up: what we learned about raising sons

The main principles of education at all age stages are the encouragement of activity, curiosity and the desire to work. In childhood, only what is dangerous and beyond the scope of behavior in society is prohibited.

Actively involve your husband in raising your son. This will help him gain important practical skills, communication and masculine behavior.

Do not be afraid that you will spoil the boy with a manifestation of love and he will grow up as a sissy. It has been proven that children, to whom parents showed love and affection, grow up as confident and self-sufficient people.

Every woman knows exactly what a real man should be. And if God gave her a son, she can raise him to be a courageous, strong, intelligent and kind person who loves his family and strives to create comfort and well-being in his home. After all, it is the mother for her child who is the main authority, she is for the baby a person from whom you need to take an example and imitate in everything. In this article, we will tell you what needs to be done so that your boy grows up to be the perfect man.

A happy family is a family in which the child feels the care of both mom and dad. However, parents play a different role in each period of a child's life.

The fact is that the boy in the process of his psychological and physical development goes through 3 main stages, which parents need to know about in order to determine the program of their actions. What are these stages:

1. The first stage lasts 6 years from the birth of the baby. During this period of his life, the boy is most attached to his mother. During this stage, the mother must instill in her son love for the family, the world, surround him with care so that the baby knows that he is safe at home.
2. The second stage lasts 8 years (from 6 to 14)- during this period, the boy shows more interest in communicating with his father. He observes the behavior of dad, his interests and attitude towards mom. A father must do everything possible so that his son feels the joy of being born a boy. The father should instill in the child love and craving for knowledge. Mom at this age should show her son how good it is to live in harmony and joy.
3. The last stage lasts only 4 years (from 14 to 18) - at this age, for a boy, neither father nor mother play a special role in life, as before. In adolescence, the child becomes more dependent on society. During this period, parents need to find a mentor for their son, who would become an authority for him. It can be a sports coach, teacher, older brother.

Raising a son by a father

The role of a father in raising a son unusually high, but, unfortunately, not all dads are aware of this, because they do not fully feel like fathers as soon as the child is born. Good son upbringing father can be provided only if the future father is imbued with pregnancy as well as the future mother.

We will give you a few “paternity” commandments that every new or future dad must follow in order to raise a good person from his son:

1. Dad should participate in the process of caring for a newborn son no less than mom. This does not mean that you need to take all the initiative solely into your own hands, but to help and support your wife while bathing the child, feeding, rocking, dad is simply obliged if he wants to have a close attachment to each other with his son. Ask your wife to leave you alone with the baby, do not be afraid to pick him up or change his diaper. Go for a walk with your son at least once a day. You must understand that a small child is not a burden, but a pleasant responsibility that can be easily handled if you tune in to the process of parenting with love.

1. The father in the first years of the child's life should not devote all his time to work. It is better to let the earnings be less, but the son will feel that it is important for his dad to be around, spend time with him, play. A career can wait, but the absence of a father nearby can negatively affect the worldview of a little man who does not have a loving dad nearby.
2. Dad should not be afraid or shy to show the boy his love. The fact is that many fathers mistakenly believe that tenderness will lead to the fact that the son will grow up with a non-traditional orientation. If it is genetically inherent in him, then you cannot do anything, even if you treat your son harshly.
3. A father must show his son that spending time with him is not a burden or obligation for him, but fun activity bringing pleasure. The child will definitely feel this and will reach out to his dad.
4. Dad must teach the baby to discipline and order. Love is good, but it must be intelligent, not blind. Of course, there is no need to engage in assault. Behave calmly, restrainedly, strictly, but at the same time, let's understand to the son that your behavior does not mean that you do not love your child.
5. When you do some men's work around the house, invite your son with you. Let him see what a man needs to do.
6. Communicating with your wife, show attention, care more often, give her flowers, surprise her. Your son is a future father and husband, he must see how it is necessary to take care of the woman he loves. The father must teach all this to the boy, but not in words, but in practice.

Raising son by mother

Mom, despite the fact that she, most likely, will surround her child with warmth and love, must understand that boys do not need to lisp like girls. From the first days of a child's life, he already needs to be brought up like a man.

If you are a happy wife, next to whom there is always a husband, then you should behave, raising a child, like this:

1. You should always look very good, because a mother is an ideal for a boy. female beauty. Do not show your child untidy, because he should have only positive perceptions of you.
2. Even though you should look attractive in the right situations, you should be ready to fool around with the child when he wants to play with you, and not with dad.
3. Be your son's friend. Talk to him, spend as much time as possible, wondering how your son is doing. He should know that a wise mother will always tell you how to find a way out of a difficult situation, what to do. If you can build a trusting relationship with your son, then you will be able to raise him right.

A slightly different approach should be taken by women who raising a son without a father. We will present a few useful advice for single moms:

1. You should not show the child that he does not live in a full-fledged family. You must explain to the child that a defective family is not where one of the parents is absent, but where love does not live. You love your son with all your heart, and he should feel it.
2. Do not try to become both mom and dad for your son. Fulfill only your social role. The manifestation of rigidity on the part of a woman is some kind of unnatural phenomenon. If you want your son to grow up kind and sympathetic, do not treat him harshly.
3. Make sure that your son has a model for how a man should behave. This does not mean that you need to constantly try to find someone else's dad for the child. A model of male behavior for your son can be a grandfather, uncle, brother or coach.
4. Read fairy tales to your son in which the main characters are courageous and strong characters. Always focus on the fact that this is exactly what a real man should become. You can include cartoons, but they must be about courage, strength and courage.

1. You must communicate with your son as if he is already an adult. Teach him that he should be self-reliant, independent. And do not worry that because of this the child will move away from you, on the contrary, he will love you even more than before.
2. If your little man wants to kiss or hug you, don't push him away. This way he will show you his love and care. Let him feel that he is his mother's protector and helper.
3. Praise your son more often for masculine and courageous deeds. He must understand that you are proud of him. This will inspire him to new successes.
4. If your ex-husband wants to communicate with the child, then do not interfere with this, but only if he is an adequate sane person.
5. Do not try to impose your perception of the world on your son. He is a different person with his own worldview. Respect this, even though he is still quite small.
6. Don't keep your child locked up at home. Give him freedom. Let him walk, communicate with peers, learn to take care of girls.

General rules for raising a son

You need to raise your son according to his age. The fact is that until the age of 2, boys do not identify themselves as boys, because they do not understand the difference between the female and male sex. But from the age of 2, you can already begin to raise a child as a representative of the strong half of humanity:

1. How to raise a two year old boy:

• you should treat the baby extremely positively: you can’t beat the baby, yell at him, because because of this he can become nervous and angry;
• do not interfere with the child’s aspirations to learn how to run fast, jump and play ball, even if in the process he fills himself with bumps and rips off his knees - this is the normal development of the child;
• if the baby takes up a broom or repeats some kind of cleaning after you, support him, despite the fact that, most likely, he will break or break something in the process;
• what the baby cannot do, you must explain to him that way, despite the fact that he will not immediately understand the meaning of the ban, but by the age of three he will clearly learn it;
• do not compare your baby with the neighbor's children, even if they already learned to talk and draw cars at the age of 2 - take your little man as an individual;
• instill in your baby values ​​​​and love through the game - this is for him the best form of knowing the world at 2 years old;
• do not call the boy “bunny”, “darling”, since these words are not appropriate for the boy, it is better to use other affectionate words, for example, “my little protector”, “my smartest son”, “son”.

1. How to raise a three year old boy:

• call your son words that would emphasize his gender, because he should be proud that he was born a man;
• dads need to spend more time with their three-year-old son, because at this age the baby is already starting to show more interest in his person;
• give your boy more space to manifest physical activity- give him his own room, take him to the sports section, where he can splash out his energy;
• if your boy is hyperactive, then you should not punish him for not obeying, because being restless and mischievous is normal for hyperactive children;
• let the child do everything on his own if he wants to, as three-year-old boys already very often say: “I will do it myself”;
• at 3 years old, a son can break toys intentionally in order to figure out how they are arranged, so do not scold him for this - this is how the boy learns the world and is drawn to research.

1. How to raise a four year old boy:

• do not think that at the age of 4 you can treat your son not like a little one, but like an adult - he still needs your affection and care;
• do not forbid your son to express emotions loudly, since for this age excessive emotionality is normal;
• teach the boy balance, but not by punishing him, but by giving concrete examples;
• be sure to engage your son in sports activities, where he will quickly be taught self-discipline;
• give the boy the opportunity to spend more time in the male company.

1. How to raise a boy at 5-11 years old:

• at the age of five, you must direct all your energy to ensure that the boy develops certain skills and abilities, so that he begins to love to work and work;
• teach your child that he should have a daily routine, which must be adhered to in order to do everything;
• instill in the boy a love of learning so that he will be happy to go to school;
• special attention should be paid to the physical development of the boy so that he grows up as a true support for his potential family;
• teach your son to help his dad do men's work, give him real tools, teach him how to use them so that he knows how and what works;
• explain to your son that he is a man, which means that he was born to protect girls.

1. How to raise a teenage boy:

• do not put pressure on your son and do not read him frequent moralizing, because at this age his similar behavior of mom and dad will only make him angry;
• do not impose your opinion on the boy, try to listen to him, talk, do not interfere in his personal life, because this can only turn him against you;
• perceive an adult son as a full-fledged sexually mature person;
• pay special attention son's sex education, because in adolescence, he will most likely begin to enter into relationships with girls.

Psychologists who subtly know the psycho-emotional sphere of the representatives of the strong half of humanity have developed several recommendations on how to raise your boy so that he grows up as a real man:

1. Never swear at men in the presence of a child. This is especially true for fathers of sons and his other closest male relatives.
2. Never shy away from answering questions your little man asks you. He must understand that you are the main person who can help him figure out what he still does not understand.
3. Don't let your child be overly talkative. However, do not miss the opportunity to communicate with him when the child wants it.
4. Constantly add new responsibilities to your son's list of household chores so that he understands that as he grows up, he begins to be responsible for a certain number of things.
5. If the boy fell, hit, do not panic. Pretend that nothing bad happened. Explain to the baby that scars paint a man, you can’t cry, because this is not typical for boys.
6. Teach your boy not to sit on buses and other types of public transport so that at the age of 5 he can consciously give way to those who need it more.

1. Do not drive the child away when discussing with your husband family problems. Let the son feel that he is a participant in important matters, ask his opinion.
2. Teach your son that you should always tell the truth, even if it is unpleasant for someone.
3. If you promised your son something, then keep your word so that he knows how important it is and does the same.
4. Teach the boy that you can’t be aggressive, that you need to be condescending, be able to forgive and understand other people.
5. Do not impose on your son an occupation that you like, not him. Your unfulfilled dreams should not be realized in a child who was born with his dreams.
6. Never tell your son that he owes his parents that they feed and clothe him. This is your direct responsibility. It is not necessary to make the child feel indebted to the parents for this.
7. Let your child invite their friends home. Let him play with them better in front of you than somewhere at construction sites.
8. Do not forbid the boy to participate in sports competitions and on hiking trips.
9. Do not forbid the boy to earn if he has found a way for this. On the contrary, in every possible way help him in this and support him.

Raising a Son: Books

In general, all parents of sons would do well to read the relevant literature on the upbringing of boys in order to better understand their needs. We have compiled a list of books for you that you should read if you want to grow a real man out of your boy:

1. Don and Joan Eliums: “Raising a son. How to raise a real man.
2. Ian Grant: “My son is growing up. How to raise a real man.
3. Willien Pollak: “Real boys. How to save our sons from the myths of boyhood.
4. Stephen James and David Thomas: “Oh, those boys. The Art of Raising Boys.
5. Nigel Latta: “Synology. Mothers raising sons.

If you strictly follow the above recommendations, do not even doubt that your future daughter-in-law will be very I am grateful for such an excellent upbringing of my son. But remember that the main thing is to raise a child as a good person, and not as an ideal husband and son. Take care of his health, let him be happy, and then you will be happy too.

Video: Montessori Education

Reading time: 7 minutes

In order for a man to grow out of a son, a good father, a worthy member of society, it is important to know how to raise a boy. Representatives of the stronger sex, capable of deeds and confessions, self-confident, courageous and courageous, grow out of little boys whose mom and dad found the right pedagogical approach. There are many subtleties and nuances that you need to know in order to grow a good person, comprehensively. developed personality, a real man.

Raising boys

IN Ancient Russia believed that women should not raise sons. This is a man's task. For noble children, tutors were hired, and kids from the lower classes rotated in a male environment due to early initiation to work. Since the 20th century, boys are less and less brought up under male attention, the care of children is shifted to women's shoulders. The lack of male influence affects the behavior of an adult son. Men become lack of initiative, cannot fight back the offender, do not want to overcome difficulties.

The psychology of raising boys

Courageous, strong and courageous men are not born immediately with such a set of human qualities. The character of the representatives of the stronger sex comes from childhood. Right Action parents, based on the characteristics of the psychology of boys, is the key to success, the answer to how to properly raise sons. Boys and girls need a different approach, because their psychology is different. In order for a son to become a worthy member of modern society, it is important to build respectful, trusting relationships with him.

Rules of upbringing

Each family may have different methods of education, but if the task of parents is to form a strong, responsible personality, then it is worth raising a son, following the following few rules:

1. The kid should have self-respect, and not just follow the orders of the parents.
2. Even a preschooler, not to mention a teenager, must clearly understand that everything that has been started must be brought to the end.
3. Let the boys play sports. This is necessary not only for physical fitness, but also for the emergence of self-discipline.
4. It is important for a child to cultivate resilience in case of defeat, while difficulties must be overcome by any means.
5. Boys need to be taught a sense of responsibility, mercy.

Male upbringing

The role of the father in the task of raising boys is difficult to overestimate. If up to 4-5 years, the mother is more important for the crumbs, then after that she reaches out to her father. It is only through communication with his father (or other men) that the boy learns masculine behavior. Children copy the behavior of dads, because his moral principles, habits and manners are the embodiment of the standard of masculinity, an example to follow. The authority of the father, the attitude towards the mother determine how much the boy will love, respect his future family, wife.

How to raise a boy to be a real man

Male character is formed due to different actions of parents. Some focus on studies and books, others consider sports to be an important stage in the formation of a personality, for others it is important to raise a child who loves work. Whatever path you choose, the main thing is to show the baby a positive example. Only your diligence, love for sports, responsibility will be able to show, bring up the same qualities in a child.

sex education

No less than the psychological aspects of education, the physiological aspects are important for the boy. From birth, follow the formation genitourinary system If you find problems, contact a specialist. The cause may be weak or excessive development of the genital organs, narrowing or inflammation of the foreskin, and other disorders. Hygiene habits are formed in childhood. For boys, uncleanliness can cause inflammation, pain, and swelling. Parents are obliged to form, cultivate good habits in a timely manner.

In addition to hygiene, sex education also affects other aspects. The task of the mother and father is to help the son understand his belonging to the male sex, to teach him to behave adequately in relations with the opposite sex. Children should get information about their sex life from their parents, not from peers or via the Internet. At 7-11 years old, boys should already be aware of reproductive function and childbearing, the upcoming puberty and the changes that await them. After the age of 12, teenagers need to know:

• about the existence different forms sexuality;
• about sexually transmitted diseases;
• about sexual violence;
• about safe sex.

How to raise a boy to be brave

If a boy is afraid of everything from childhood, it is highly likely that these fears will only increase with age. Parents should make a lot of efforts to develop the courage of the future man. To help moms and dads who want to see their baby fearless, a few recommendations:

1. For confidence, education of masculinity and courage, the child needs harmony in the family. When mom and dad cannot come to a consensus, the child is at a loss and confusion.
2. You can not praise and set an example for other children. Such a comparison can lead to uncertainty.
3. Guardianship, worries about the son should be manifested in moderation.
4. To develop courage, you need sports.
5. You can't call a kid a coward. You need to teach your baby to deal with their fears, for example, with the help of a sense of humor.

How to raise a good son

Parents want to raise their son responsible, initiative, strong, but at the same time loving, caring and attentive. These natural desires of mom and dad are difficult to realize, but there are a few parenting rules that will help with this:

• support manifestations of independence, activity and other traits of a male character;
• be an example for your son always and in everything;
• teach your son to work from an early age;
• treat it reasonably.

How to raise a boy

When deciding how to raise a boy, it is important to take into account the characteristics of the child's age. You need to start from birth, and as the baby grows older, you will have to make more and more efforts. With the right approach, your work will be rewarded with good results. At certain stages, the role of mother or father becomes more significant, but both parents must equally make efforts for education.

Raising a boy from birth

In raising a child under 3 years of age, gender does not matter. A child at this age spends most of his time with his mother, the connection with which is very strong. The Pope plays a secondary role during this period. Parents should behave in such a way that the baby feels safe. The kid, surrounded by love and care of his mother, grows up confident in himself and his abilities. Until the age of 3, experts recommend not attending kindergarten. Children who feel abandoned often show aggression and anxiety. To raise self-esteem, it is important to hug the child more often and punish less often.

At 3-4 years old

After 3 years, children begin to distinguish people by gender. The upbringing of a son at this stage should take place with an emphasis on his masculine qualities - strength, dexterity, courage. Boys need to make more efforts to develop speech. To improve communication skills, parents should talk and play more with the baby. For comprehensive development crumbs do not limit it when choosing games and toys. If a boy wants to play with dolls, then this will not affect his social role in any way.

At 5-7 years old

At this age, the upbringing of boys differs little from the previous period. Surround the child with affection and care, give him confidence, awareness of his own strengths. Let your baby feel safe. Remind him of important masculine qualities, let him show tenderness and his own emotions. By the end of this period, the boys move away from their mother a little and begin to get closer to their father.

At 8-10 years old

In order to properly raise a son, at the stage of 8 to 10 years, it is important for the father to actively participate in the life of his son. It is important to form a trusting relationship that will clearly manifest itself in adolescence and older. Dad should not be too strict, as the child can withdraw into himself, start to be afraid of his father. Boys are interested in men's affairs, activities and actions of the pope. Even in this period, the son may begin to defend his opinion or territory by force. Avoid expressing negative emotions. Explain that there are other ways to achieve what you want.

teenager

To raise a son who has entered into teenage years, means to instill in him responsibility, to teach him to see the consequences of his actions, to correlate desires with reality. These are the main goals that parents of a teenager should set for themselves. The role of the father is still high, but an adult child needs to communicate with school friends and peers. You can also get masculine energy, get acquainted with the peculiarities of behavior when communicating with older men who are close to the family of a teenager.

How to raise a hyperactive boy

When it is difficult for a child to sit in one place, he is constantly distracted, acts quickly and impulsively, and there is a high probability of hyperactivity. Seek advice from child psychologist, engage in independent study of the issue in order to properly educate such a special child. When raising a son with hyperactivity, pay attention to the organization of the daily routine, find him a hobby to his liking, support and praise your child. It is important to show tenderness, affection and care for sons with such a problem.

How to raise a boy without a father

Incomplete families are a frequent occurrence in modern society. Mom should not feel guilty about the circumstances. To raise a boy as a real man without a father, try to compensate for the absence of a second parent in your life with the attention of close relatives - an uncle or grandfather. Time spent in a male society will allow the child to realize self-identification, will contribute to personal development, strengthen faith in himself and his own abilities.

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Parents will have to work hard. This is not an easy task, it requires a lot of love, patience and knowledge. But this is the main responsibility of all parents! Most simply do not know how to raise their sons so that they grow up to be successful independent men.

The question of how to raise sons, parents need to start to decide with themselves. A child from a very early age remembers such a speech, which is spoken by his close people. The baby absorbs everything like a sponge, even when he himself still does not know how to talk. But the speech he has learned correctly will save him subsequently from the need to visit a speech therapist.

Extremely large mother's love For kids, that's bad! How to raise sons so that they do not turn into complete egoists? Most of all, children need not care, but freedom, and boys in the first place. Let the kids explore the world themselves, take apart toys - this is inevitable. Children are so arranged - they break everything and study what is inside. Therefore, boys should always have educational toys - designers and other things that can be disassembled and assembled as you like. Boys often collect not what the manufacturer intended, they experiment, and this expresses their creativity and search for meaning.

How to raise sons so that they are not afraid of anything?

If the children are afraid of something - all sorts of "babies", ghosts or a neighbor's grandmother, raise their self-esteem and say that even though they are small, they are men. They should not be afraid of anything or anyone, be brave and strong. Let the child feel like a person, an adult, albeit still small.

Responsibilities of the child

Don't treat your son like a foolish child! Like a real man when he grew up and already on the threshold of school? Most of all, children want to become adults as soon as possible! So start treating your child as an equal to yourself, this will only add to his self-confidence.

Be sure as you grow up, you need to introduce the child to household chores. It is not recommended to encourage him with money or gifts. All that the son needs to hear for the homework done is just words of gratitude. This is one of his first duties, and let him get used from childhood to the fact that someday he will create his own family, which will need to be taken care of. This helps in deciding how to raise a son as a man. You should definitely be proud of your child's achievements and support everything starting from it: be it drawing, modeling, singing or sports.

TV in children's lives

Do not let your child sit in front of the TV for hours watching foreign films. From an early age, control the programs your baby watches. Choose instructive, kind and fabulous cartoons. After that, be sure to take the time to discuss what you liked, who the main character is and why he did it that way. Condemn the negative actions of the characters, praise the good ones and make sure your son understands what actions and why are bad and what is

Physical education

How to raise a son to be a real man through sports from an early age? You should start doing morning exercises, preferably together. Taking care of your own body and keeping it clean is a very important duty of every person. Buy dumbbells for your child, taking into account his physical data. Weight should be added with age. Physical exercise they will certainly develop the boy’s muscles, make the body strong and strong and create the correct male trapezoidal shape, which the girls will later really like. It is recommended to give the child to some sports sections, such as martial arts - this will definitely come in handy in life for self-defense. In addition to excellent physical hardening, this sport also develops a person's worldview.

Attitude towards the opposite sex

How can a mother raise her son so that he respects and loves girls? You should tell him that all girls are future mothers and wives, so they need to be taken care of, protected and loved. It is recommended to instill an understanding of family values ​​from an early age. The boy must grow up in the understanding that he is a protector and helper. Explain to your son that it is strictly forbidden to hit girls, even if they are bullies. Let him learn not to participate in quarrels with girls, but rather step aside or let off steam with the help of physical exercises.

Learn to be a good friend

How to raise a man out of a son great friend? It is necessary to encourage communication with more spiritually strong and successful guys, to set them as an example. It is necessary to instill from childhood the idea that true male friendship should be valued. A son must respect his friends from an early age and never leave them in trouble.

What else should you pay attention to?

Teach your son to order, teach not to scatter clothes, put personal belongings and toys in their places. For the efforts shown in maintaining order, be sure to praise. Let him join this kind of labor for himself and his family. For the mess in his room, you can be punished.

How to raise a son to be a real man? Worth the effort. Nobody says it's easy. Specify a suitable daily routine and strictly adhere to it: what time to get up and go to bed, where to go, when to rest. Allow concessions only on weekends and when the baby is sick. But if you forbid something, do not behave yourself, otherwise he may then refer to you.

Teach the boy to navigate in your city, among the houses in your area - this will help him when he is alone on the street. Teach your child to navigate nature. Find time, go with him into the forest and explain what signs you need to pay attention to so as not to get lost and find your way home. Let the boy show independence and make decisions, you just need to follow the course of his actions and help if necessary.

Be sure to talk to your son about the family budget. A child from childhood must learn that not everything is allowed, whatever he pleases. The boy should be told what income the family budget is formed from, how much is required per month for food, how much is set aside for large purchases, for entertainment. He has the right to know his share of the costs in the total budget. Encourage independence in him in the desire to earn his pocket money.

Why does a boy need a father?

You also need to know how to raise a son, a father. It’s great if dad tells his son about the heroism of his family’s ancestors and explains what and to whom people owe their birth, what our grandfathers fought for.

A father must certainly encourage the independence of his child, accustom him to the idea that a boy should be able to live with dignity in this complex world. The child must be prepared for any unexpected shocks. Also in preschool age the boy must know who he is, his first and last name, when he was born, where he lives, the address details of his next of kin, such as grandparents. Be sure to remember your parents' full names and phone numbers. Know where and by whom parents work, how to get to their place of work on their own. It is recommended to teach the child how to behave in an unfamiliar place and in cases where he suddenly gets lost. The actions of parents and son must be clearly coordinated.

From his mother, the boy learns to regret and sympathize with other people, to perceive the world like a safe place. From her, the baby receives love, care and affection. Mother intuitively knows how to raise good son. In the society of the pope, the boy begins to realize his belonging to the male sex and acquires the necessary skills. Looking at his father, the son learns to obey and command, to achieve his goal, to take care of others, to be responsible. Of course, the father needs to show this with concrete actions, then the boy will acquire personality traits that he would like to see later in an adult man. Without a dad, it is difficult for a baby to learn male norms of behavior. Adult men who were raised by a single mother are sometimes passive and lack of initiative or too conflicting. Living in their family, taking care of it, making friends with other men is more difficult for them than for those guys who were brought up in a complete family.

If mom is alone

How to raise a son as a man if there is no father? Unfortunately, this situation is not uncommon. If everything is done with love and competently, then the mother will definitely cope! It is undesirable to address the boy with childish appeals. Treat your son like an adult. This instills in him courage and the right character.

How to raise a son alone if the baby does not have an example to follow before his eyes?

• It is necessary that the boy must sometimes see examples of male behavior. Therefore, try to encourage him to communicate with familiar men: grandfather, uncle, family friend, coach, colleague or neighbor. Let the child spend as much free time with them as possible: go fishing, play football, fiddle with parts in the garage. During these classes, the boy will get acquainted with the world of male interests. For him, this is a necessity.
• So that the boy does not grow up too feminine, you should constantly emphasize the good features of masculine behavior in him. For example, when watching a movie, pay attention to the positive actions of the stronger sex.
• Be sure to note and praise the "male deeds" committed by your son! For example, a child nailed a shelf, fixed something, or helped a neighbor's grandmother carry packages. Try to admire your son loudly: "What a strong man you are! Just a real man!" In response, you will see how the boy will swell with pride.

If the father is present in the life of the child, then their communication should not be limited. Also, do not say angry and offensive words to your son about his dad. And if there is no father, how to raise a son without a father?

It happens that single mothers put an end to their personal lives and devote themselves entirely to raising a baby. They do not go out anywhere, they are not interested in communicating with anyone, they just live in their own closed little world, where only mother and baby are. This should not be allowed! It is necessary to find the strength in yourself to go to the theater, to the pool, to an exhibition or to take up an unusual hobby. Then the child will be interested in communicating with his mother and spending time together.

All psychologists advise: never try to convince your son that he owes everything in this world only to his mother. Boys with such an upbringing usually either get married too late, or do not start their own family at all, since they have been "programmed" from childhood that they do not need anyone except their mother.

Of course, it is quite difficult for single mothers to find a middle ground in raising their beloved little boy. I want not to spoil my son too much and at the same time not to move away from him. Be sure to try to become a friend for your child who is sincerely interested in his problems and successes, all the events in his life.

It is necessary to remember the most important thing: a child, first of all, needs the love and care of his closest people. He must be sure: even if everyone turns away from him, there will still be one person on Earth who will accept him for who he is - this is his mother!

Three developmental stages of boys you need to know
Boys do not grow by themselves, even and smooth. It doesn’t happen that you bother only by stuffing healthy cereals into your child, providing him with clean shirts - and one fine day your boy wakes up a real man! It is necessary to follow a certain educational program.

If a boy is constantly in the sphere of your attention, you probably notice how he grows up day by day, how his mood and energy change in different periods of his life. The challenge is to understand what the child needs and when.
Fortunately, boys were not born today, and we are not pioneers in matters of their upbringing. Each World culture faced with the problem of raising boys and offered her own solutions. It is only in recent decades, when the rhythm of life has become especially turbulent, that we somehow lost sight of the need to create a real program for raising boys. We're just too busy doing other things!

Briefly about the three stages of development
1. The first stage covers the period from birth to six years - the age during which the boy is most closely associated with his mother. This is "her" boy, even though the father can play a very big role in the child's life. The purpose of education during this period is to convey to the boy great love and a sense of security, to "charge" him for life as a great and exciting journey.

2. The second stage lasts from six to fourteen years - the age period during which the boy, following his own inner feelings, wants to learn to be a man and looks more closely at his father, his interests and actions. (Although the mother remains a very close person, and the world around her is becoming more and more interesting.) The purpose of education during this period is to increase the level of knowledge of the child and develop his abilities, not forgetting about kindness and openness, that is, to strive for the development of a harmonious personality. It is at this age that your son comes to feel the joy and comfort of being a boy.

3. And finally, the period from fourteen years to adulthood - when the boy needs the participation of a male mentor if he wants to be fully prepared for adulthood. Mom and dad are somewhat receding into the background, but they must find a worthy mentor for their son so that he does not have to be content with the knowledge and experience of his incompetent peers. The purpose of education at this stage is to teach skills, instill a sense of responsibility and self-respect, actively involving adulthood.

Please remember that these stages do not in any way imply a sudden or abrupt transition of influence on the child from one parent to another. It is best when both parents take an active part in the life of a son from childhood to adulthood. The stages of adolescence only indicate a shift in emphasis: for example, the father comes to the fore at the age of the son from six to thirteen, and the influence of mentors increases from the age of fourteen. The main criteria for choosing a mentor are safety and honesty.
Knowing about these three stages, you can clearly define a program of action for yourself. For example, it is quite obvious that the fathers of boys between the ages of six and fourteen should not be workaholics, nor should they be removed from the family either morally or physically. If this happens, it is exclusively to the detriment of the sons. (And yet this is exactly what modern fathers do, as many of us can attest to from our childhood experiences.)

The developmental stages of boys suggest that we need extra help from society when our sons reach adolescence. Once such support was provided by relatives (uncles and grandfathers) or craftsmen who took boys as apprentices and apprentices.

Unfortunately, today it happens too often that teenagers go out into the big world, but there it is as if no one is waiting for them, no one is offering a helping hand, and they are forced to spend their adolescence and youth in dangerous homelessness. Some never grow up.

It is fair to say that many problems - especially those related to the behavior of boys, their lack of motivation at school, and then trouble with the law (driving drunk, fighting, etc.) stem from the fact that we did not know about the characteristics of boyhood development and did not provide them with the necessary assistance in time.
Knowing the three stages of boy development is essential, so we need to look at them in detail and decide how to respond. What we are doing now.

From Birth to Six: The Tender Years
Babies are babies. It is a girl or a boy - it does not matter either for the child himself or for his parents. Babies love to be held, played with, squeezed, and they giggle contentedly; they like to observe the world around them. Babies have different temperaments. With some it is quite easy - they are calm and relaxed, they sleep for a long time. Others are noisy and restless, always demanding action. Someone fearful and restless, in need of constant confirmation that there is someone next to him, that he is loved.

During this period of life, it is necessary that the baby feels a connection with at least one person. Usually with mom. Possessing special enthusiasm and high motivation, besides feeding him with her milk, naturally endowed with special softness and tenderness in her approach to the child, it is the mother who is most prepared to fully satisfy the needs of the baby. Her own hormones (especially prolactin, produced during breastfeeding) make a woman want to be with her child and focus all her attention on him.

With the exception of breastfeeding fathers can also provide for all the needs of a newborn, only they do it in a slightly different way. Studies show that they are more active in playing with the child, like to disturb him, while mothers try to calm him down. (However, when fathers, like mothers, begin to suffer from lack of sleep, they no longer have time for noisy games and they also do not mind calming the child!)

The first manifestations of gender difference
Some genetic differences between girls and boys begin to show as early as infancy. Boys are less receptive to the faces of others. Girls have a more developed sense of touch. Boys grow faster and gain strength more actively, although separation from their mother is perceived more acutely. When children begin to walk, the difference between girls and boys becomes even more noticeable. Boys tend to need more space to play and move around. They love to grab and manipulate objects, build tall towers with blocks, while girls prefer to mess around on the floor. In kindergarten, boys ignore the appearance of newcomers in the group, and girls immediately notice them and make friends.
Sadly, adults treat boys more strictly. Studies show that parents hug and caress girls much more often, even at newborn age. Boys are less spoken to. And mothers punish boys more often and more painfully.

If the mother is the main source of affection and care, for the boy she becomes the first model for love and tenderness. Starting from the second year of the child's life, when he begins to walk, the mother can firmly, without offending or shaming the boy, set the boundaries of their relationship, and the boy will learn this for life. He knows that he holds a special place in his mother's heart.

When a mother teaches a boy with interest and pleasure, talks to him, this helps to develop his speech skills and sociability. We will see later how important this is for boys, since they need help with communication skills more than girls.

If in the first year or two of a son's life the mother is in the deepest depression and is closed to communication with the child, an aspect of sadness appears in his mind. If a mother gets angry, beats or offends her son, he begins to doubt that he is loved. A mother needs support and help from other family members so that she has the opportunity to rest, relax and find time to communicate with her child. She needs to take care of herself, then she can fully take care of the child.

The mother expresses delight when she sees her child chasing lizards or sculpting sand cakes, she is proud of his achievements. The father squeezes his son, plays wrestling with him and also shows tenderness and care, reads books, consoles when the child is sick. The kid learns that men are kind and at the same time it is interesting with them that they can read books and help around the house.

Home is best
If possible, it is best for a boy to stay at home with one of his parents until he reaches the age of three. Nurseries or infant homes are not well suited for the care of boys under three years of age. Studies show that boys are more likely than girls to experience separation from loved ones, they are more likely to experience emotional stress from feeling abandoned. As a result, anxiety and aggressiveness develop, and this pattern of behavior persists in the boy and at school.

Care from a loving parent or family care is much preferable. Young children need the presence of a loving person nearby. The first lessons that boys need to learn in this life are the lessons of kindness, trust, warmth and joy.

Shortly speaking...
Until the age of six, the gender of the child does not really matter, and you should not focus too much on this aspect. As a rule, mothers are the closest person to a child, but the role of a father should not be underestimated either. The most important thing for a child during this period of life is to be in the center of attention and feel the presence of two people nearby. loving parents. So he develops a sense of security, primary communication skills and a craving for knowledge and interaction with others.

However, this period passes too quickly. So seize the moment and enjoy your baby!

Six to Thirteen: Interest in Masculinity
At the age of six, boys undergo an important metamorphosis. It is as if a masculinity that has been dormant until now wakes up in them. Even those boys who don't watch much TV suddenly start to show interest in weapons, dream of wearing superman caps, wrestling and fighting, playing noisy games. And something else very important is happening: and this is typical for all countries and cultures. Around the age of six, boys seem to lock on to their father or grandfather or another man. They awaken the desire to be close to a man, to learn from him, to imitate. They want to "learn to be a man."

If during this period the father ignores the son, the boy often arranges wild antics, just to get his attention. I was once called upon as a consultant to investigate a case in which a boy had intermittent outbreaks of a severe illness for no apparent reason. An intensive medical examination. His father, a leading specialist in the field of medicine, returned from a conference from America to be with his son, and the boy got better. Soon the father again left for the conference, and the disease returned. We asked the child's father to reconsider his work schedule, which included being away from home for eight months of the year! He made the appropriate adjustments, and since then the boy has never been sick.

To attract the attention of the father, the boys may begin to steal, urinate in bed, show aggression at school, and commit other unseemly acts.

Moms still mean a lot
This sudden change of interest in the direction of the father does not mean at all that the mother is leaving the scene. In some countries (for example, the United States), mothers often distance themselves from their six-year-old sons in order to add "toughness" to them. (This is the age at which children are sent to boarding schools in Britain.) But, as Olga Silverstein argues in her book Courage in Raising Real Men, this idea is insidious. Boys need to know that they can rely on their mother for everything, and should not be silenced in them. tender feelings. It is best if the boy is close to his mother, of course, despite the fact that his father will be nearby. If the father feels that the son is too involved in the interests of the mother (which happens), he needs to increase his influence - in no case criticizing the mother! Sometimes a father is too strict or imposes increased demands on his son, and he begins to be afraid of him.

If in early age the mother suddenly moves away from her son or deprives him of warmth and attention, the result is sad: the boy, trying to drown out resentment and pain, seems to cut the strings that connected him with his mother - tenderness and love. Instinct tells him that it is difficult to show warm feelings if they do not resonate with the mother. If a boy sets such a barrier for himself, he will grow up rather harsh and rude and is unlikely to show warmth and tenderness towards his children and wife. We all know very well such men (bosses, fathers, husbands) who are emotionally restrained and cannot establish contact with people. We can make our sons not be like that, but for this we just need to hug them more often - at five, and ten, and fifteen.

FIVE COMMANDMENTS OF PATHERHOOD
1. Start as early as possible. Participate in the process of parenting from the period of pregnancy. Talk to the mother-to-be about your hopes for the baby, and be involved in the care of the baby from birth. This is a key step in building future relationships. Early childcare disciplines you and changes your priorities in life. Keep in mind: fathers who care for newborns tune into the same wavelength with them, there is a so-called deep dive. By the way, men do an excellent job of calming a child in the middle of the night - they lull him, shake him, sing songs! Do not become a mother hen, but strictly follow the advice of the mother of the child or other experienced mentors. And be proud of your accomplishments. Even if you are too busy with work, use weekends or holidays to pay attention to the child. Starting at the age of two, invite the mother to leave you with the child for the weekend, and you will realize that you are doing a great job in your role.

2. Find time. It's the most important. Dads, remember: If you spend fifty-five to sixty hours a week at work, including business trips, you are simply not able to fulfill your fatherly duties. Your sons will have problems in life, and this will certainly affect you. Fathers need to come home on time to play, laugh, teach their children, frolic with them. Work in corporations and small businesses becomes the enemy of the family. Often, fathers choose lower earnings, but they have the opportunity to spend more time with the family. So the next time you're offered a promotion that requires longer hours and frequent travel, seriously consider telling your boss, "Sorry, but my kids come first."

3. Don't hold back your emotions. Hug your son, frolic with him, play wrestling is not forbidden until he comes of age! Combine these romps with a more relaxed pastime: children are very receptive to stories, they like to just sit next to their father, sing or play music. Talk to your children about how smart, beautiful, creative they are (praise them often and sincerely). If your parents weren't so open about showing feelings, you'll have to learn to do so.

Some men fear that showing affection towards their son will make him "gay". It's not like that at all. Moreover, the opposite is true. Many gay and bisexual men I have spoken to admit that their lack of paternal affection partly explains their desire for male tenderness.

4. More fun. Rejoice in your children. If you're only spending time with them out of guilt or obligation, it won't do you any good. Try to find activities that both of you enjoy. Relieve the children of the "burden of duty," but encourage them strongly to help around the house. Limit their extracurricular activities to one or two sports or other activities so they have time to just be themselves. Organize their free time so that they do not wander aimlessly, and devote it to walks, games, conversations. Avoid excessive competition in games. Teach your children constantly, share with them everything you know yourself.

5. Do not forget about discipline. Today, many fathers have chosen the role of "kind dads" for themselves, leaving all the difficult questions of upbringing to their halves. But we still advise men to participate in decision-making, to monitor how the child does homework and does housework. Set standards of discipline - calmly but firmly. Do not resort to assault, although sometimes it is tempting to spank the boy. Insist on respect. Don't make yourself look small. Be sure to listen to the child and take into account his feelings and experiences. Discuss global issues of upbringing with the mother of the child: "Are we succeeding? What needs to be changed?" Raising a child together brings parents closer together.

Looking for a role model
A boy between the ages of six and fourteen still adores his mother and can learn a lot from her. But his interests are changing: he is more and more drawn to learn from a man. The boy understands that he is growing up. And in order for the development to be complete, he must "download as much data as possible into himself" from the man.

The mother can only calmly accept this, maintaining warmth and readiness to provide support. The task of the father is to gradually intensify his participation in education. If the father is not around, the boy begins to look for a man in his environment - for example, at school. But today there are fewer and fewer men among teachers, especially in primary school, and this creates a certain problem.

single mother
For thousands of years, single mothers had to raise boys on their own. There is no doubt that women can raise worthy men, but - and this is a very big "but" - those women with whom I had a chance to talk, each time emphasized that they found men worthy of emulation in their environment, calling for help relatives, friends, school teachers, sports coaches, leaders of youth organizations (selecting them with great care to avoid the risk of sexual harassment).

Attention Deficit or Fatherhood Deficit?
Two years ago, a man named Don came up to me after a lecture and told me the following story. Don worked as a truck driver, and a year earlier, his eight-year-old son had been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder. Don read the diagnosis and decided that his son Troy was simply "not getting enough attention." What else could this mean?

Don made it his goal to give his son more time. He always believed that raising children is the lot of women, and his task is to work hard to provide for the family financially. But now everything has changed. During the holidays and, if possible, after school, Troy began to drive around with his father in a truck. On weekends, which Don usually spent in the company of his friends - motorcycle enthusiasts, Troy joined his father.

“We had to give up strong words in our conversations, behave more cultured, but the guys understood everything, and some also began to bring children with them,” Don told me with a smile.

The good news: Troy became a calm boy in just a couple of months, and he was even canceled a course of medication - the diagnosis of "attention deficit" was removed. But father and son continued to spend a lot of time together, they just liked it. We won't argue that attention deficit is actually fatherhood deficit, but in many cases it is.
Shortly speaking...
While the boy is in primary and high school, he needs to spend more time with his father and mother, receiving help from them, gaining life knowledge and experience from them, enjoying their company. From an emotional point of view, the father in this period comes to the fore. The boy is ready to learn from him, listen to his words. As a rule, he begins to look up to his father. Mothers have something to go berserk about!

This period of time - from six to fourteen years - provides the father with an ideal opportunity to influence his son (and lay the foundations of a masculine character in him). This is time that should be put to good use. Any insignificant deeds are good: and outdoor games on summer evenings; and walks, accompanied by conversations "for life" and stories about their own childhood; and sharing hobbies or sports. It is during this period that pleasant memories of childhood are laid in the memory of your son, which will nourish him all his life.

Do not be alarmed if your son behaves too coldly: this style of behavior is probably accepted in his school. Be persistent, and you will find that under the mask of feigned indifference lies a cheerful and playful child. Do not miss the opportunity to spend time with your son if he really wants to be in your company. Closer to youth, interests will drag him into the world around him. All I can do is urge you to do this: don't miss your chance to be a part of your son's life!

Fourteen and Over: Becoming a Man
Around the age of fourteen, a new stage of adolescence begins. As a rule, at this age, boys are noticeably stretched in growth, but a dramatic change occurs in the body: testosterone levels increase by almost 800 percent!

Although everything is individual, but at this age they have something in common: they become more stubborn, restless, their mood often changes. And it’s not that they change for the worse, it’s just that a new personality is born in them, and birth always involves a struggle. They need to find answers to serious questions, plunge into new adventures, set new goals for themselves, set priorities for the future - and meanwhile, the internal clock rushes them to live.

I believe that it is at this age that we lose contact with children to a greater extent. It just so happens that we make a standard set of requirements for teenagers: more diligence at school, more housework. But teenagers need something more. He is both hormonally and physically torn into the adult world, and we want to keep him in childhood for another five or six years! It is not surprising that problems arise.

But in fact, you need to raise the boy's spirit - to direct his passion into a creative direction, to give him the opportunity to spread his wings. All the troubles that come to parents in the form of nightmares (teenage adventurism, alcohol, drugs, crime) come from the fact that we do not find channels for the outburst of teenage thirst for fame and heroism. Boys look at the adult world and see nothing that they would like to believe in or participate in. Even their protest is packaged and commodified by advertisers and the music industry.

The guys want to break through to where it is cleaner and better, but such a place is not visible.

How did the ancients
In any civilization - from the Eskimos to African tribes, at all times and on all continents, teenage boys received special attention and care from the entire community. Ancient cultures knew - and we are just beginning to learn - that parents cannot raise teenage boys without the help of other adults who can be trusted and willing to participate in the parenting process on a long-term basis.

One reason for this approach is that fourteen-year-old sons and their fathers drive each other crazy. Often a father can only love his son. But to love and teach is no longer possible. (Remember how your father taught you to drive?) For some reason, the two men are bound to bump head-on, and that only exacerbates the problem. If someone else comes to the rescue, fathers and sons become much calmer. (Several films have even been made on the subject, such as Finding Bobby Fischer and Out of Town starring Albert Finney.)

Traditionally practiced two methods helping the youth enter adulthood. First, teenagers were taken under the wing and set on the path of true adult men who could teach them the craft. Secondly, at certain stages of mentoring, the elders of the clan or tribe conducted the initiation of young men into the mysteries of the profession. This process involved serious trials aimed at familiarizing the boys with adulthood.

Initiation in the Lakota Tribes
The Lakota natives of America must be known to you from the movie Dances with Wolves. It was a tribe of energetic and successful people, with a rich culture, marked by especially warm relations between men and women.

Around the age of fourteen, Lakota boys were subjected to a kind of strength test, the so-called vision test. The boy was supposed to climb to the top of the mountain and sit there waiting for visions or hallucinations caused by hunger. It was assumed that the vision would appear in the form of some heavenly being who would lead the boy through life. While the boy was trembling on the top of the mountain, the menacing growl of mountain lions reached him from the darkness. In fact, these sounds were made by the men of the tribe, who ensured the safety of the child. The boys were too valuable material for the tribe, and no one was going to expose them to senseless risk.

When a teenager returned to the tribe, his success was celebrated noisily. But from that day on, and for two whole years, he was not allowed to speak to his mother.

Lakota mothers, like the women of all hunter-gatherer tribes, are very close and affectionate with their children, and the children often sleep with them in huts. The Lakota believed that if a boy spoke to his mother immediately after the rite of passage into a man, the temptation to return to childhood would be too great and he would again be in the female world and never grow up.

After two years, the reunion ceremony of mother and son took place, but by this time the son was already a man, and his attitude towards his mother corresponded to his new status. Women who heard this legend from my lips found it very touching, sad and joyful at the same time. Mothers of the Lakota tribe deliberately let their children go, confident that in return they would receive love, respect and friendship from their grown-up sons.

In sharp contrast to the customs of the Lakota tribe are the modern relationship between mothers and sons, which (as Babbett Smith emphasizes in Mothers and Sons) often remains shy, infantile and indifferent. Sons are afraid to remain close to their mother and at the same time, already becoming men, they still cannot tear themselves away from maternal care. They transfer their dependent position to relationships with any other woman. Having not passed the rite of passage into the male brotherhood, they do not trust men and do not believe in male friendship. They do not want to make commitments to women, fearing that they will again be treated like mothers and controlled. So there are "no" men.

Only after leaving the female world, young people can break the mother's shell and begin to treat women in an adult way. Domestic cruelty, betrayal, failures in married life are not necessarily the result of problems with women, the reason is precisely that the boys did not go through the prescribed path of transformation.

You may doubt that in ancient times mothers, and fathers too, were not afraid to give their sons into the wrong hands. But in fact, there was no reason to be afraid. Men who were well known and trusted acted as mentors. Women understood and welcomed this help, because they intuitively felt the need for it. Releasing a troubled teenage boy from the family, they got back a mature and self-sufficient young man, whom they were probably proud of later.

Initiation into adulthood could not be called a one-time event. Sometimes it took months to train the boy to behave like a man, to take responsibility, so that he would gain strength, become a real man. We are not well aware of the details of such rites. Sometimes they were cruel and scary (and we by no means want a repeat), but they were carried out with a purpose, thoughtfully, and the results were impressive.

Summing up the experience of our ancestors, we can say: the survival of any tribe depended on the education of knowledgeable and responsible young people. It was a matter of life and death and was taken seriously. Each society developed its own program for the education of young people, which involved the unification of the efforts of the entire adult population.

In the modern world
Today, mentoring is most often non-existent or exists in a sporadic form. Mentors themselves - sports coaches, relatives, teachers, bosses - rarely understand their role and, as a rule, perform it poorly. Mentoring was usually done in the workplace, as part of a skills development and mastery program. All this is in the past. Working on weekends at a local supermarket, a young man is unlikely to meet a mentor there.

Calling on others for help
At the age of fourteen to twenty-odd years, the boy moves into the adult world, gradually moving away from his parents. Parents deliberately recede into the background, not letting the child out of sight. It was during these years that the boy builds his life, separate from his family. He has teachers you barely know, interests you don't know, and goals you can hardly help him achieve. The picture is pretty scary.

A teenager of fourteen or sixteen years old is not at all ready to be alone with the adult world. He needs guides to this world, and this is the role that mentors play. We have no right to leave young men unattended. But a mentor is more than a teacher or a sports coach: a special trusting relationship develops between him and the child. A sixteen-year-old teenager does not always obey his parents - if only out of pure stubbornness. But with a mentor, it's a different story. Adolescence is a time of "delightful mistakes," and part of the mentor's job is to avoid making fatal mistakes.

Parents should take care of the selection of a mentor, guided by strict criteria. In this regard, belonging to a strong social grouping - say, an active church, a family sports club, a community school, a group of friends who really care about each other - helps a lot.

You really need friends who will fulfill the role of caring uncles and aunts, who take care of children and participate in their upbringing. Friends can have conversations with your children, ask about their interests, exchange opinions with them. Ideally, if your children become welcome guests in their homes - if your friends can sometimes clear their minds, and the children, in turn, can cry into their vest when there is some tension in relations with their parents. (Many are familiar with situations when, after a skirmish with their mother, a teenage daughter runs to complain to her mother best friend. That's what friends are for!)

By the way, you can also help the children of your friends in this way. Teenagers are adorable, unless they are your own children!

Reclusion is dangerous
Teenagers suffer greatly when their parents live isolated lives. I know this firsthand. When my parents emigrated to Australia, they, already shy people, became even more withdrawn. They never managed to find friends and their own company, in which we, the children, could join. As a result, when my sister and I reached adolescence, we had great problems entering the big world, there were both dramatic and risky moments. Some teenagers on this basis develop mental illness, suicidal tendencies, anorexia. And someone has a strong protest against isolation, and then teenagers are drawn into bad companies, joining drugs, crime, sexual perversions. If you have teenage children, you must certainly force yourself to go out, communicate with people, create a social circle in which your children could rotate. Reclusion does not contribute to the proper upbringing of the child.

If there is no mentor
If there is no mentor around, a young man may face many problems on his way to adulthood. He can get involved in a futile struggle with his parents in an attempt to assert himself and defend his own independence. And can fall into depression and stand apart. Children of this age have to look for answers to very difficult questions - about sex, career choices, attitudes towards drugs and alcohol. If the mother and father still devote a lot of time to the child, live in his interests, he willingly shares his thoughts and doubts with them. But sometimes a teenager has a need to talk to other adults. One study found that having an adult friend outside of the family keeps a teenager away from criminal connections. (Of course, unless this friend is himself a criminal element.)

Young people try to choose their own life path. They may find their interest in religion, they may get bogged down on the Internet, they may be into music or sports, surfing or rock. If we cannot organize children according to their interests, they will create their own groups. But the problem is that these groups can only become a community of lonely hearts and the children in them will not receive any skills and knowledge. Many boyish companies are based only on flimsy connections, and there is no commonality of interests and support in them.

Worst of all, if we leave teenagers to their fate. That's why we need really professional teachers, sports coaches, leaders of scouting organizations, young workers - in general, adults who are interested in the younger generation. We need people who can bring order to the lives of teenagers.

Today, mothers are most active in the process of raising children, and fatherhood is still being revived. And yet in society it remains a problem to find good mentors.

Briefly about the main ...
1. Between birth and six years, boys need a lot of attention and tenderness in order for them to learn to love. By talking with them, teaching them, we help them enter this world. As a rule, the mother copes best with this role, although the father can also take part in the process.

2. Around the age of six, the boy begins to show great interest in everything male, and the father becomes the main parent. It is important how much time and attention he will devote to his son. The role of the mother is still important, and she should not move away from her son just because he is older.

3. From the age of fourteen, boys need mentors - adults who take personal care of them and help them gradually move into the big world. In ancient civilizations, a rite of passage was adopted, and mentoring was an indispensable attribute of education.

4. Single mothers can raise a boy well, but they need to carefully consider the issue of choosing a man as a worthy role model. In addition, single mothers should spend more time taking care of their own health (because they do the work for two).