This article is dedicated to husbands-freeloaders who have been sitting on their wives' necks for years. The days when men were earners and cared about the welfare of their families are over.

Now the majority of women work, provide for their families, not forgetting to pay attention to everyday problems. My husband doesn't want to work, what should I do? He justifies his own inaction by unemployment, low wages and other ridiculous excuses.

See also The behavior of someone who is in love and someone who just takes advantage of you is very different. We will show you how to understand that a man is using you and not waste extra time with him!

Men who do not want to provide for their families are divided into several categories. It is worth figuring out who is who.

1. Alphonse

Some representatives of the stronger sex are specifically looking for successful women in order to continue their idle existence. They establish contacts only with wealthy ladies, they never spend money on their beloved woman.

As soon as they smell fried, they look for another victim. A woman who married a gigolo should prepare for the fact that her dearest husband will never go to work.

2. Unrecognized genius

This person is confident in his exclusivity and talent, therefore, he considers the work to be an un-royal affair. A man always praises his work, exaggerating its importance.

He firmly believes that his talent will be appreciated, and then he will spread his wings and heal for real. The genius is engaged in his own hobby, he has no time to think about his daily bread and his own wife, who pulls the whole family on herself.

3. Ordinary bummer

This is a separate topic for conversation. Such a spouse will feed with promises for years to come, but will not get off the couch so that dreams come true. It is much easier to lay back the sides, and wait for a good fairy in the face of his wife, who will feed, wash, warm and caress.

A lazy person will not strain in life, and if one feeder closes for him, he will find another. This is very much like the aforementioned gigolo.

4. Weak

If you are the owner of such a copy, all is not lost. Gently motivate him, raise self-esteem, but act without hesitation, otherwise, God forbid, he will cry.

5. A man with excuses

Such a person can complain for years about fate, government, work in a specialty that does not exist. He is tormented and suffering, so he wants to go to work in order to alleviate the fate of his wife. But, alas and ah, one has to suffer while lying on the couch in front of the TV with a can of beer bought by his wife.

A man should remain him in any situation. There is no job in your specialty, find another, retrain, but do not humiliate yourself in the eyes of your wife, who, in the end, will get tired of it.

The situation is delicate, connect female wisdom, prudence, but forget about falling in love with your spouse for now.

Talk to your loved one about your future plans. Sit down at the negotiating table, and leave the jokes for another moment, let the husband understand that the conversation is expected to be serious. Find out how long his forced vacation will last and when he will start looking for work. While talking, look him in the eyes, you will probably identify the moments when your husband is jolly and blatantly lying.

If the problem lies in low self-esteem, literally take on your spouse. Sit down together, discuss potential prospects, create a resume, and take action. Remember, behind every successful man is a wise woman.

Some men do not want to talk about this topic. They get annoyed, raise their voices and get away from it by hook or by crook. When a spouse doesn't make contact, it's time to issue an ultimatum. Who does not work shall not eat. Let him buy food, clothes and everything else on his own. Usually, after such an ultimatum, a spouse who values ​​the relationship at least a little will take action.

A visit to a psychologist will help you understand your spouse's fears and insecurities. The specialist will teach you how to have a positive attitude to all life changes.

The woman providing the spouse must understand that he will not move until there is a fundamental change. It's time to come to an agreement with your superiors and take a long vacation. Come home and say that you are out of work.

Now is your time to lick your wounds and cry into your pillow. Conduct such an experiment, observe the actions of your spouse. Most likely, the next day, when the realization of hopelessness comes, he will start actively looking for work, and he will not be picky.

When he gets involved in the work process and brings the first money to the family, you can return to work under the pretext that the bosses have not found a worthy replacement. This is a risky option, you need to know your man well in order to predict his behavior.

Saving money on a spouse will make him think about looking for a job. Say that there is not enough money even for a normal diet, give up on sweets for now. It is important to show firmness of character and not succumb to provocations.

Leave pity and warm feelings for your dear husband for later. Psychologists agree that in order to achieve a result, you need to hook a person to the living, then he will begin to change his lifestyle.

Long-standing stereotypes about the man as a breadwinner still prevail over many couples. It also happens that a woman is satisfied with the leading role. She has everything under control, work, family, a well-established life and a husband who helps to teach children lessons, picks them up from school, walks the dog. A business woman will never change places with her spouse, because she is developing in the right direction.

All recommendations are helpful if a woman feels unhappy living with such a man. Encourage your friends on social networks to read the article. Remember, no matter what happens, do not give up. Become the support your spouse needs, motivate, participate in job searches, and believe in a better future.

I met my former classmate whom I hadn’t seen for many years. She was surprised at the changes that had happened to me. In a conversation, she asked why I was so prettier. I joked that the divorce influenced me for the better. As you understand, I was immediately asked the following question: "Why did you get divorced?"

It would seem a trivial question that I have heard dozens of times. However, every time he put me in a quandary. Well, can't I explain to everyone in a row that my ex-husband did not want to work?


Reasons why a man does not want to work


However, my ex-husband, alas, is far from the only such specimen. More and more often there are men who, for one reason or another, do not want to work. In an attempt to save our marriage, I went to many psychologists. Below I have described the main advice I heard.
I am sharing these tips with you. Perhaps they will be able to help someone to preserve not only love, but also a family. However, remember that these are only general guidelines, nothing more.

A man temporarily unemployed

It is very important to understand why the man stopped working. In the event that a man previously worked, but for some reason was laid off, at first he will have a serious psychological shock. In this situation, the dumbest thing to do is start scandals.

A wise woman, on the contrary, will support her man, give him time for a little respite, after which he will definitely find a suitable job. And scandals and reproaches will only lead to a loss of faith in oneself and a decrease in a man's self-esteem.

However, most often the situation is different - a man does not temporarily lose his job, but constantly finds a thousand reasons that prevent him from going to work. Here it is much more difficult to fix the situation.

Unrecognized geniuses

A very common type of parasites are unrecognized geniuses. Such men believe that they are so talented and brilliant that they cannot find a worthy place for themselves. Typically, this category includes painters, poets and writers. Although one can argue about their genius for a long time.

Psychologists advise to constantly praise such men, but at the same time unobtrusively but persistently and regularly remind that food in the refrigerator, like clothes in the closet, does not appear on its own.

Eternal children


The second type of men who do not want to work is "mama's sons". They are accustomed to being under the care and support of their parents all the time. And they basically have no idea that they can work. As a rule, such specimens are very quickly transplanted onto the wife's neck.

In this case, the advice of psychologists comes down to one thing. Constantly and persistently remind a man that it is a man's responsibility to support a family. If a man does not understand this quickly enough, you can threaten him with divorce.

Middle age crisis

And the third category of men is men who have a midlife crisis. Such men feel that the years are passing, and they have not been able to achieve everything they wanted. And this plunges them into depression and deprives them of interest in life in general.

And such men, like no one else, need the support of the woman who is next to him. Continually praise him for any trifle, say how much you love him, and how much you need him. Emphasize its importance and relevance - this will help to overcome the crisis situation as quickly as possible.

How did I solve this problem?


Of course, it's up to you and only you to decide what to do. You can try one way or another of influencing a man, trying to make him work. But, as practice shows, if a man does not go to work for six months, it is unlikely that you will be able to somehow influence him. You can come to terms with the situation and take on the family's support.

I tried to deal with the problem for 4 years, trying all sorts of measures to influence my husband - from persuasion to scandals. And so, one day I got tired of it. I packed up and left. And only when I was left alone, I breathed freely. I was able to allow myself and the child to be pampered much more often than during my family life.

Good afternoon, dear readers! Today I want to talk about what to do if the husband does not want to work. What are the reasons for this behavior and how to help the faithful. How not to lose touch with your loved one and not ruin the relationship because of this. Work is a serious matter. And her absence can lead to divorce.

What's behind this

Why doesn't a man want to work? What is the reason for this behavior? There can be a lot of answers here. The faithful just never worked and does not know what it is. The husband does not want to work and will happily stay at home.
Perhaps, now there are problems on the job market and the husband cannot find a worthy place for himself. Or maybe the spouse is simply overestimating his occupation and wants to find something new.

It has always been believed that a man is a breadwinner. That the husband should provide for his family, feed, clothe. But modern trends have somewhat changed this view. In my life, I have met a large number of couples where the spouse is sitting at home as well. There is nothing wrong with that. These are just modern family tendencies.

But if you think that a man should work, and the spouse does not want to do this in any way, then the first step in solving this problem will be to understand the reasons. You need to understand what is behind this behavior. Then you will be able to make some decisions, it is not easy to act on a whim, but based on facts.

Just swear and quarrel with your husband because he does not want to work stupidly. You need to talk and understand each other. This is the first step to success. Listen to what your spouse tells you, look for reasons for his reluctance.

Lobotryaz

There are men who have absolutely. They just do not want it and are looking for women who can support them.

One of my acquaintances married a guy who is ten years younger than her. The boy is fond of sports cars, racing and other childish things. When I ask her if she would like the boy to work, she just nods her head and smiles.

She likes that she has a young, energetic boy who gives her other pleasures. The acquaintance herself is able to provide for herself and him. Therefore, she does not need her young husband to work in the office. And then the question does not arise - how to get him to go to work.

If this is your case, then relax and make money for two. If you knew that your future husband is not a fan of work, now you essentially have only one way out - to give up trying to force him.

If you did not know that your beloved man would turn out to be like that, then the situation turns out to be the other side. You are faced with a serious choice: try to kick him out to work; come to terms with the state of affairs; disperse. The choice is very difficult.

First of all, just talk to him. Perhaps there is an occupation that the spouse could do and which will be. In addition, you can give him an ultimatum: no job, no relationship. Only such things are always very unpredictable and may not turn out the way you would like. Be very careful.

The option to come to terms is the simplest. If you are making good money and are willing to provide for your family, then you can just relax and continue in the same spirit. And the husband will take care of the house and family. Let the faithful stay at home, but he is still obliged to do something. In such a situation, all household chores fall on his shoulders. It cannot be otherwise. If you work and monitor the house, then you will quickly be exhausted.

Market problems

It happens that the faithful from the previous place, but in no way. Sometimes it is difficult to find a new job due to the fact that there are simply no offers on the job market. A crisis in the country or area in which your spouse works.

The main thing is not to let him sit at home. When a person sits without work for a long time, it becomes harder and harder for him to take the first step. The man sticks to idleness and becomes lazy. Let the spouse do something. Don't let him get stuck in this swamp.

You can help find him a job, through friends or in your company. In addition, he can always try himself in another field. It may not be as profitable and interesting, but the husband will be busy. He will not sit still and discourage.

This situation is difficult for him and for you. Both of you should be prepared for problems.

But together you can solve them. You have to go hand in hand and look at all the problems together. Then it will not be a tragedy for your marriage that can turn into a divorce.

Support the faithful, help him with everything you can, be near, be his reliable support.

Middle age crisis

In addition to all of the above, it happens that a man just gets lost and tries to find himself. He worked in one place for a long time, but he was fed up with all this, he no longer sees the point in this and wants to find something new.
Men who cannot live without working will find a way out and deal with this situation. They will start learning something new, try to find themselves in another area, start a new business. But they won't stop.

Of course, such a crisis can drag on and become a problem for you. Remember that it is very difficult to determine your place in this world. Be more patient and calmer. Help him find himself. You may be assisted by career counseling specialists who can find the area that will interest your husband.

If a beloved man has worked and wants to do it, but just doesn’t know where and how, don’t press on him. Help as much as you can, support and talk to him. You are his wife and he expects understanding from you.

If your husband has problems finding a job, do not forget that there are women who suffer from being their spouses. A faithful person who spends all his free time on work is also a problem. And it is not yet known which is worse. Have a husband who doesn't work or a spouse who knows nothing but work.

Increasingly, modern women are faced with a situation when their husband does not want to work.

Some are satisfied with this, and such ladies themselves are happy to provide for the family. Others, on the other hand, are unhappy with this position of the spouse.

Wives try by any means to force their faithful to earn money, insult him and threaten with divorce. Is it worth taking such measures?

How to do the right thing, and what to do when a loved one does not want to work, will prompt the advice of a psychologist.

Why don't men want to work?

If your man does not work and is not going to do it in the future, perhaps he belongs to one of the suggested types of the stronger sex:

• Sissy.
• Narcissistic narcissist.
• A slow-witted.
• Misanthrope.
• Melancholic.

Each group of men has their own reasons and excuses for not doing anything. And if a woman in one of them found signs of her husband's behavior, she should act in accordance with the advice of a psychologist.

1. If your husband turned out to be "mom's son"

Then you should know that next to you there is a weak-willed man who does not want to be responsible for the well-being of the family. Such a man from early childhood is accustomed to the fact that everyone takes care of him and does all the work for him.

A spouse will always be satisfied with a well-earning wife, who does not nag him for idleness. The excessive love of his parents reinforced in him the belief that he was not obliged to do anything to solve pressing problems.

Mama's son believes that everything that happens around him does not concern him. And if in the material sense difficulties arose, the wife should solve them.

It is quite difficult to fix such a man, because his position has been formed since childhood. But if you still decide to influence him, heed the following advice from a psychologist:

1. Emphasize the importance of your husband more often, say how reliable he is and how good it is that you can count on him in difficult situations.
2. Periodically remind him with regret that if he worked, your family would have a lot more opportunities.
3. In no case, do not offend your spouse. This will cause him to protest, and he will not do anything in spite.

If the "sissy" man really loves and appreciates you, your actions will awaken the earner in him, and he will soon start looking for a profitable place.

2.Daffodil will be more difficult

Such a man has extremely high self-esteem. He considers himself to be a very valuable and intelligent worker who can only occupy leadership positions. But his superpowers are often just words.

Basically, narcissists not only overestimate their capabilities, but are generally unable to do a good job. In any business, they look for flaws, explaining their failures with them. Therefore, such men can often be seen on the couch, expecting that a lucrative offer will find them on its own.

It would seem that the situation is hopeless, and the wife will not be able to get the "narcissist" to work. But the advice of a psychologist gives her a chance to change her husband's beliefs.

To do this, you will have to learn to limit your husband in the pleasures of material wealth. Tell him that you are having problems at work and your salary will be lower than usual for a while.

In this regard, the purchase of new clothes, delicious dinners and beer on weekends are canceled. A man in love with himself will not be able to give up these pleasant things, and will think about looking for his own earnings.

3. If your husband turns out to be a "slow-witted"

Then you have to be patient and direct your energy to intensify his actions.

The fact is that a sluggish man will take a long time to decide which job to choose, and whether it is worth taking the offered place. Often such thoughts lead to wasted time and hiring a completely different person.

In such a situation, you should do everything in order to push your loved one to make a quick decision.

• Describe to him all the advantages of the proposed job.
• Say that he is a wonderful specialist, and it's time to realize yourself.
• Make plans for the future, bearing in mind that your husband will work at the proposed place.

Your actions will prompt your spouse to make an important decision.

4. For a male misanthrope, the reason for reluctance to work lies much deeper.

It is not the work itself that scares him, but the need to communicate with people. This type of men experiences certain difficulties in the team. It is not easy for him to maintain everyday conversations, take part in discussions, defend his opinion.

Misanthropes are usually not liked in groups, not understanding their true feelings and intentions. Suspicion and hermitism lead to the fact that they have to leave their position without explaining the reasons for their action.

If the husband does not want to work because of his isolation, the wife can look for alternative labor options for him. Today more and more companies work on the principle of remote work.

In this case, your husband will not have to be in the team all day, his workplace will be at home. This can be mental work performed on a computer, as well as physical or creative activities, the result of which can be various useful things.

5. Melancholic husband

This type is so sensitive that previous failures at work can generally discourage him from doing anything for a very long time. Sometimes such men even resort to the help of a psychologist. But again, their beloved spouse can make them believe in themselves.

To do this, you must surround your husband with care and affection. You also need to raise his self-esteem.

• Praise your spouse for any reason.
• Admire his solutions.
• And do not scold for minor blunders.

By believing in himself, he will be able to find a job much better than the one he lost earlier.

If your spouse belongs to one of the proposed types of men, try to clearly follow the advice of a psychologist. By adhering to these recommendations, you will soon notice changes in your husband's behavior.

At the same time, do not rush and do not reproach your loved one. The result of your efforts will be a worthy workplace for him and well-being in family relationships. Author: Vera Fractional

The desire for equality played a cruel joke with the weaker sex. Along with the desired, women got into the load and pampered men, trying to avoid the load of problems associated with the material support of the family.

Moreover, young people are not embarrassed by this state of affairs, even if the wife is on maternity leave or simply earns little. In a difficult situation in the family, when the husband does not work, the advice of a psychologist will help to sort everything out and contribute to the division of responsibility for the welfare of the family at least equally among all its members.

Justification can be found for everything, including the unwillingness of a man to work and support his own family. Psychologists have identified a separate list of reasons explaining this behavior of the stronger sex. Rather, these are not even reasons, but the types of men who have these characteristics:

• gigolo or narcissistic egoist. A person who is accustomed to live only by his desires, interests and does not try to adjust to the rhythm of life that does not correspond to his ideas;
• mother's son. Everything is clear here, based on the name of the type. An over-aged child, spoiled by excessive parental care and care, completely unadapted to the realities of life and not wanting to take on any obligations to support anyone, including himself;
• sloth. Such a man is characterized by natural laziness, the habit of living at someone else's expense, not bothering himself with worries about his daily bread;
• unsociable or misanthrope. The main problem of this representative of the stronger sex is the unwillingness to communicate with other people, regardless of the topic of conversation - work, personal - he is not at all interested in him. A young person is comfortable only on his own territory, where he does not need to contact colleagues at work;
• melancholic. Very susceptible to criticism. The slightest failure, a nuisance can discourage the desire to work anywhere for a long time. Constantly in a state of fear for any reason.

If a woman saw any of the above signs in the behavior of her spouse, then the right solution would be to contact a psychologist specializing in problems of this kind.

It is unlikely that it will be possible to resolve the situation on your own, often the root of evil lies deep enough and it is better to get professional help than to test your nervous system for strength.

What not to do if your husband is a parasite

Depending on what psychotype the bum spouse belongs to, and intra-family relations will develop, aimed at restoring justice - the parasite will turn into a worker and a breadwinner.

In communicating with mama's son, psychologists advise the wife to be patient - after all, the demeanor was laid in such a man from childhood and it will take time to change the situation exactly the opposite. So, the recommendations of specialists to women in a situation if the husband does not want to work:

• never, under any circumstances, demand anything from a man, especially in a raised voice. The opposite effect will work - in protest, refuses to comply with the request flatly;
• constantly praise even the slightest achievement at work, emphasizing the importance of his salary for the family budget;
• from time to time, with a note of regret in his voice, say that if the husband worked, then he could be allowed to go on vacation somewhere or plan a major purchase for the house. To hint that in this case there would be more opportunities to fulfill the wishes of all family members.

With a certain perseverance and sincere, tender feelings of the spouses towards each other, the result will not be long in coming. A man can become not a nominal, but the actual head of the family.

With an egoistic husband, you will have to fight with slightly different methods. Since this type is not used to deny himself anything, the best way would be to reduce his content, justifying this by the fact that the salary was cut, and it will not be enough even for the most necessary.

It is unlikely that a spoiled male wants to deprive himself of his usual pleasures. Most likely, this will lead to the fact that he will force himself, his beloved, to go to work in order to return to his previous, comfortable standard of living. For a man who finds it problematic to be in the office, communicate with colleagues, build working relationships in direct contact with other people, freelancing will be an excellent way out of this situation.

Remote work will help to solve both material issues of maintaining the family, and remain in demand as a specialist. A person in whose behavior there are clear signs characteristic of a melancholic needs long-term help based on constant praise of his achievements and decisions.

In no case should a single gram of criticism or dissatisfaction be tolerated in relation to him. Otherwise, everything will return to normal and the rehabilitation process will have to start over.

How to do it right

Women are patient and compassionate people. They shoulder heavy burdens and worries about the family, if only all household members were nourishing, warm, and comfortable.

There are men who are quite satisfied with the current situation, and they do not intend to change it. But the moment of insight nevertheless comes, and the spouse understands that she cannot continue this way. To begin with, a woman tries to persuade her husband to stop messing around and get a job.

Moreover, she often looks for suitable vacancies herself, writes a resume and sends it to potential employers, not even hesitating to accompany her sweetheart to interviews. In rare cases, this tactic works, and the man becomes the main earner in the family, allowing the fragile woman to return to her original duties as a homemaker.

But, as practice shows, this does not always happen, and here practical recommendations are already required to achieve the necessary results in changing the psychology in the minds of the stronger sex.

In this video, a psychologist will tell you how to get your husband to work:

Having listened to the advice of a specialist, a woman is able, by virtue of her sincere feelings for her husband, to cope with the problem that has arisen, without making him constant tantrums. A loving spouse will be able to arrange things in such a way that a man will think that he himself, well done, got out of a series of failures without outside help. This approach to an unhealthy situation in the family and the ways to solve it will be the most correct. What do you think?