Candy-bouquet period. This is a sweet time when a man and a woman have not yet recognized each other. A man with pleasure tries to please his chosen one, and a woman is buried in courtship, flowers and compliments. First touches, sighs on the bench, an exciting kiss. Even if the relationship did not work out in the couple as a result, both fondly recall the period of courtship, when everything was fabulous, and the bad had not yet surfaced.

However, dear women, the period of courtship is a very responsible time for you. It is at this moment that you must turn on your head and carefully look at the behavior of a man. Everyone can buy flowers, even a mentally retarded person can learn some compliments. But actions always betray a man with a head.

This article will focus on a very unpleasant type of men - whiners. A whiner is not just a sucker or a rag. A whiner is a person who complains about fate without hesitation. In general, savagery is blatant! For a man, in principle, it’s zashkvar to cry. A man can cry without shame only in one place: at the reception of a psychotherapist. For money. Farther. Crying to a woman who is not even a wife yet - what does he even want from her? Is he like that? Completely lost? The wife doesn't need to cry. Go to a psychotherapist! And here - to the woman whom he, in theory, is courting.

In fact, a man is looking for a woman. But he immediately and obviously for himself is looking for that same draft Russian woman who will stop a galloping horse, into a burning hut, and the borschik will boil, and the tank will start. And he’ll drag a drunken peasant home from a puddle of vomit, and wash it off there, and carefully wipe someone else’s lipstick off him, and earn money on his own, and allocate money for him for a prefix. Each person, when he starts dating someone, emits certain waves. Consciously or not. Such a man emits a wave of "I'm so pathetic, take me under protection." On dating sites, whiners can often be found with the phrases: “I will surrender myself to good hands”, “Take me to your place”, “I am looking for a woman who will take over the hands of someone like me.”

In a normal woman who herself expects protection from a man, a whiner will cause disgust and a gag reflex. And rightly so. Because he himself asks for protection - this is the time. He is not trying to dissolve the feathers in, which means he is not trying to woo this woman - he wants to be wooed - these are two. Which normal woman it is necessary?

I had a case - ridiculously. The man called in a cafe for coffee. Kind of a date. First. We sit, and he starts a bagpipe about how difficult life is, how difficult it is to make money, and also the salary was not paid, and such and such difficulties ... After 15 minutes of this rigmarole, I said that I had come on a date not at all in order to serve a drain hole for someone bad mood. And a man with a claim to a relationship. He was very surprised and said - achetakova, we are friends, and friends help each other. I told him that it was not at all in my plans to become a friend to him - he has his own buddies for this. And he, like, was going to look after me, and not sit on my neck. Another, after a single meeting, decided to call me as early as 3 a.m. (I don’t sleep at night - I usually work) and ask me to look on Google how to go from where he is to the house. When asked why he didn’t do it himself, he replied that he didn’t really understand where he was. This is Peter. Navigator? Geolocation? Ask people? Ask your comrades. in the end no? Why is it necessary to fumble for help the one he would, in theory, take care of, since there are claims to a relationship ?!

But that's not all. In my life, I happened to meet men with ... very limited opportunities. So limited that simple movement is very difficult for them. Can you imagine a person for whom getting to the bathroom is a big feat? Do you know how you can live when your arms and legs almost do not obey you? But you can, and cheerful, and with optimism. And at the same time find ways to earn money, do not complain about life and do not particularly resort to the help of other people. And then healthy, mentally full-fledged men begin to wind snot on their fists, how hard it is and how bad everything is. Yes, let them shake as much as they like, but these are not at all the guys who need to be chosen as husbands or lovers. I hope you don't have that female "re-educate and re-do" bug? You can only redo those who want to redo themselves. And whiners are comfortable. They are used to living this way. Before that, they somehow managed to cut down nishtyaki by whining. Here they continue. And they will continue until the system gives a serious failure. And your “stop whining” is unlikely to become such a failure.

Complaints during courtship, a woman's requests for help (especially when a man is able to solve these problems without a woman), requests to borrow money from a woman (in general, FUUU vile!) - these are clear and direct signals that this is not your hero. Either a man is obviously looking for a woman-savior, or he does not see a woman in you, but sees an ordinary corefan. Do you need it?

What to expect from communication if a man is a whiner? He will buzz all ears about the dull weather, the boss is a fool and the lack of talented people at work. It is noteworthy that everything that he thinks about everything around, he will tell in 15 minutes during a casual conversation. So, experts say that you need to beware of such people, as very serious problems can arise. Is it possible to somehow change the situation?

To begin with, it is worth saying that all whiners can be recognized by their concentration on the negative and daily complaints about everything around. This person is unhappy with everything. People around are looking for solutions to problems, but they are criticized. The main catch of the phenomenon: whiners do not exist alone; they adapt to life in a company where they are allowed to behave this way. So, at least, S. Artemyev believes, being a psychologist at the center " Women's World».

Why do male whiners like to complain?

The answer to the question is impossibly simple. The fact is that at the time of complaints they receive maximum attention to themselves. Sometimes they blame someone else for the troubles, thereby protecting themselves from all unpleasant emotions. Complainers are people for whom the feeling of guilt and helplessness is unbearable. They spend their energy so that everything around is good, i.e. solve problems, but do not like to be guilty, justifying themselves and attributing everything to the external environment.

Experts say that people who listen to whiners are not without sin. Why listen to them when you can take care of your life? By taking on the role of lifeguard, they feel better, more meaningful, and more needed by everyone around them. They are so distracted from their problems and do not fall under the assessment of other citizens. Is it possible to demand something from a divorced woman who cares about the fate of a lonely girlfriend?

Modernity

Whining today is everywhere and everywhere. If you sit down and register on any social network, you can stumble upon a lot of posts in which friends complain about their lives. O. Bykova, being a clinical psychologist, says that no one is interested in complaints about fate in real life, but they are interesting when reading in social networks, as people seem to spy on someone else's life, they want to read, give advice. The "complainer" complains again and again, because he is heard in social networks. One like under the post, comment under the article - the "ego" of the whiner will be supported!

The dangers of dealing with whiners

Harm to health;

The development of psychosomatic diseases (getting negative - falling into despondency, falling into an exhausting state, leaving behind a feeling of irritation and powerlessness);

An obstacle to happiness (imitation in your life, criticism and negativity to everything);

Stress;

Development of cardiovascular diseases; etc.

He is a whiner! It's almost a sentence. The fact is that a whining man causes much more rejection than a constantly lamenting woman.

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He is a whiner! It's almost a sentence. The fact is that a whining man causes much more rejection than a constantly lamenting woman. Who does it call? Yes, at any counter, not to mention relatives. According to archetypal ideas, a man should be strong, smart, perspicacious and preferably an alpha male. All this is wonderful. But, meanwhile, the type of “whiner man” is alive and well and does not intend to disappear.

Between whining and real impotence, the inability to do something, you can not put an equal sign. Whiners are able to move mountains, make a career, travel. And at the same time - to complain to everyone about your hard lot. And no matter what they say, whiners lack two things: self-irony and faith in a happy ending.

Whining is not about self-doubt. This is self-pity, for a loved one, who is the center of this fragile and unreliable little world. But even whining can be different.

Type one. whiner ordinary

His principle is simple: whining cannot be kept in oneself, it exhausts. His whining is a normal physiological reaction to external stimuli: a frosty morning, a cold coffee, an unwillingness to leave the house. Anything can be distributed. With his grumbling, the whiner seems to make a description of the world. But with purely negative characteristics.

How to communicate. There are two traps you can fall into when dealing with the common whiner. The first is to be unnecessarily rude with him. That is, scold for whining. The whiner will climb into his cozy shell and begin to feel sorry for himself with renewed vigor. And even pour out their regrets on the more soft-hearted fellow citizens. The second trap is to seriously delve into the whiner's problems and try to help him real help. The difficulties of the whiner are most often of a metaphysical nature: I have chosen the wrong specialty, I have no real friends, I am so lonely ... That is, problems for which there is no one to blame but myself.

The fact that he is, in principle, very pleased with the alignment. The longer and more plaintive the whining, the less likely it is that the whiner is going to change at least something in his life. In other words, there are no real difficulties in his life.

And therefore, there are only two ways to behave with an ordinary whiner: ignore him (in terms of breaking all contacts as soon as possible) or arrange real difficulties for him. Once we had to take a classic whiner with us on a mountain hike. About which it was known in advance that complaints about an unfinished life were his signature number. We took him not without fear, wondering what we would do with him in the middle of the road if he suddenly became bored out of self-pity. But miracles! - our whiner, as soon as we stepped outside the threshold, became unusually caring - and with everyone at once: he ran for water, made sure that no one was tired, handed out vitamins and redistributed the load. And about how he became a whiner again, as soon as we returned home, I will not tell, so as not to disappoint.

Type two. Whine-Cassandra: "Well, I warned you"

As you know, Cassandra was able to predict only the bad. Good news is not her role. The classic "Cassandra" of the new time is Gromozeka from cartoons or books about Alisa Selezneva and the 21st century. The motto of the whiners-Cassandra is chosen by the postulate: "Whatever is done - everything is for the worse." Therefore, as soon as the slightest trouble happens, a whiner of this type begins to spill like a nightingale: after all, he warned! Why didn't they listen! Now blame yourself! And if in case of minor troubles such behavior is rather amusing, then in case of major troubles it can greatly infuriate.

As evidenced by his whining. He lacks attention. He lacks respect from his interlocutors and attention to his expertise. Grandmothers behave in the same way, telling you: “Have you caught a cold? It's because you didn't listen when I asked you to wear a hat."

Type three. Peacock whiner: "I suffered so much, let's have sex"

He is courageous and immediately attracts attention. But on the very first evening of our acquaintance (after the third glass, after the twentieth anecdote), he dejectedly rubs his stubble and confidentially informs you of his troubles. He is able to present his numerous walks on a rake as an exclusive life experience. You will have to listen to how his first wife left him, what failures he suffered after that, how he once ended up in a sobering-up station and how yesterday he had a fight with the boss, whose beefy smug face asked for a brick.

As evidenced by his whining. This whole epic of suffering is nothing more than his favorite form of self-presentation, an attempt to put pressure on pity. Most often, female pity for such men is expressed in instant sympathy and the desire to become a mother and savior to the sufferer. Well, in the future, good sex in the next few hours.

How to communicate. Don't take this bait. Otherwise, after a while, you will have to witness how he got into the sobering-up station again, which best friend turned out to be a bastard, and that the muzzle of the boss at the new workplace again asked for a brick for more. And after some time it will be possible to find him in the company of a girl you do not know, reciting a text about how he suffered, and what a bitter experience he learned from this.

Today we will discuss a topic from which people on both sides of the barricade are literally torn to pieces. Namely - what to do if a man complains and whines all the time, or started complaining recently. Read the article to the end, and you will learn a complete arsenal of tricks that will wean anyone from complaining, even the most armor-piercing whiners with experience.

To support a man in difficult times is a manifestation of love for him. How to do it right, I already wrote in.
But what if there is no end to whining?

His paws are always aching, his tail falls off, there is no money and strength, the government is full of fools and thieves, there is a lot of work, he cut his finger, and so on.

The first side will prove: “A man needs to be supported, rush after him with cakes and borscht, put him to sleep in a warm bed and do everything so that it doesn’t get even worse!”

The second side will say: “Yes, the dog is with him! He's a strong man! He will figure it out himself, and I went to hang out with my friends!

The first option may help, but not for long. Then a man's whining gets across his throat and you want to hit him in the teeth with a rolling pin to finally shut up. The second option works a little better, but with the risk that a man will feel unnecessary and lonely because of your indifference.

What is the right thing to do? After all, this behavior of a man literally kills him and you.

Why you can not encourage and listen to male whining

✿ A person who whines all the time focuses his attention on the negative aspects of life. So these sides will grow by leaps and bounds and poison the lives of both of you. There will be no time to focus on goals and objectives, and there will be no strength left. As a result - complete disappointment in everything, drug addiction, alcoholism, betrayal, illness, gambling addiction and other rubbish of life.

✿ Next to a whiner, you spend a lot of moral and physical strength to bring him to his senses. As a result, you yourself remain powerless. And now two lazy and sad vegetables are lying on the bed, which can do nothing to improve the situation. In the worst case, you are both angry and a quarrel will be added to the problems.

✿ In the family, you no longer feel like a woman, because now, instead of your unglued man, you need to “stop the galloping horses” and “enter the burning huts”, save him from all troubles. And he ceases to feel like a man and this makes him even more upset and whining.

✿ You stop respecting and wanting your man. And no wonder, because he just cried into your vest. You turn not into an interesting companion and passionate lover, but into a mother, ready at any moment to give the baby a handkerchief and wipe away tears. Of course, a man also has the right to hysteria, but it is best to do this not with his wife and children, otherwise the relationship will end. It is useful to whine to your psychotherapist or mentor - this way the problem can be solved, and not aggravated.

✿ A man stops wanting you. Sexual attraction to a mommy is rare and far from the norm. Yes, and testosterone from whining falls. They want to say here it is difficult to say what is the cause and what is the effect. His whining also means that his love is already fading away, and he is not shy about whining. When a man is in love with a woman, he tries to seem cooler to her than he really is, he is inspired, his state is the opposite of whining. When love passes or it was not there initially, a man becomes mortified and groans.

✿ If everyone is to blame for everything, then sooner or later you will be on the list of the guilty. If not already.

✿ Listening to his complaints, you destroy yours. nervous system. He gets better, and for the third night you have been awake thinking: “What if we don’t have enough money because of his problems at work? How can we live now? Maybe get a second job? Problems happen to everyone, and we can help and support each other, but we are not obliged to encourage inaction, self-pity, resentment against the whole world for injustice and cruelty. Especially if complaining is a lifestyle. With his whining about “there is no money,” he will ruin not only your mood, but your whole life. But he feels good: he poured slop on you and he felt better. And now you live with it as you want.

Everything is clear, male whining is evil and only evil, no good. Let's figure out what to do with it.

A man complains and whines - what NOT to do

Do not confuse the concepts of "pity" and "support"
The easiest way to make a nonentity out of a man is to start pitying him. Tell him: “I don’t really need a car, I’ll take the subway for a couple more years ... Don’t worry and don’t kill yourself like that, poor thing! The main thing is that we are together, and the rest is not important, because you never succeeded. I immediately saw what kind of person I was marrying. ” Instead of this monstrous humiliation, it’s better to support him: “You are strong, tomorrow you will go and cope with everything, I don’t even doubt it, because you have always coped with everything perfectly.”

Don't give him advice, don't solve the problem for him
It is the overcoming of difficulties that makes a person strong. If you do this for him, then you will also become stronger, and you will do even more for him, and so on in a spiral.

Don't bother doing everything yourself
Otherwise, in the end, you will plow yourself at home, and at work, and also carry a man on yourself to the bathroom and back. Some people whine trying to shift the responsibility for their affairs to others, including the wife. So that his wife sees how hard it is for him, and takes part of his unbearable burden. Yes, more! And the wife agrees to this not at all out of incredible kindness, but only out of fear of losing a man. Because she feels: she started whining, he doesn’t need me, suddenly he leaves, I will save him, solve his problems and stop complaining, and then you see, love will return. That's just for the return of love, you need not to save him, but to increase your attractiveness.

Don't try to outrun him in complaints
It sounds like: “Are you in trouble? This is still nonsense, now listen to what I have! And rushed ... Thus, you make two mistakes at once: you support him in whining, and make it clear that his problems are nothing compared to yours. And it's embarrassing.

Don't throw tantrums at him every time
It often happens like this: when complaining, a man is just trying to get your attention. By throwing a tantrum, you feed him, indulge him in his inability to attract attention to himself in civilized ways. If his complaints are a way to get at least some attention and participation from you, then your screams are much better for him than nothing.

Don't try to please and be nice
Only the positive one works worse than the negative one. You will train him that if he wants attention and affection, you need to whine and be pathetic. He whines, and you wave a fan around him, dance in your underwear and bring food from the kitchen. This is The best way to make a tyrant and a loser out of a man who whines without days off and a break for lunch. In the end, he will become a loser, and, of course, he will blame you for this.

Do not doubt your choice
Of course, this is very convenient. The situation is just right to ask yourself the question - “Atomuliadala?” Get a negative answer and collect the bags. But think: if at the beginning of the relationship he was not a whiner, but became so with you, then most likely there is plenty of your fault in this, and it is in your hands to fix everything. If he has always been like that, then sometimes you can also wean. True, it is better with the help of a psychologist.

How to wean a man to complain - 13 sure ways

1. Remember that you are a woman

And you are not supposed to save a man by status. First, direct the conversation in a constructive direction, asking questions: “And what are you going to do about it? What do you think to do? Tell me how you will defeat everyone? Add that you are sure that he is your hero, a real man, and easily cope with all the difficulties. This will cheer him up. If the situation repeats itself, you can even cry with the words: “I’m so sorry, but I’m just a weak woman and I can’t help you with anything.” You put yourself weaker than him, and he understands that it’s better for you not to complain, otherwise he will console you with all the problems. Compared to the tears of a beloved woman, many difficulties are no longer so severe. He will understand that there is no demand from you, you need to think with your head. If not him, then no one, and so it is already much more interesting, and at the same time the attraction to you returns and intensifies due to your correct reaction.

2. Become more attentive to him

If it started recently and happens infrequently, then there is a chance that your man simply does not have enough attention and he is trying to attract him in this way. Ignore complaints, but at other times, when he does not complain and is cheerful, try to be more attentive to him. Bring coffee to bed, hug and kiss more often, greet him with joy, praise and thank him for all his actions, arrange romantic dates.

Creating close relationships that bring only joy is a real art and not an easy task. To make it easier, my husband and I created a game. I developed assignments based on my experience in counseling women and bringing them to fruition in personal coaching. Follow the link and create the relationship of your dreams playfully!

3. For health complaints, strongly send him to the doctor

Ignoring health complaints can end badly. Therefore, here is an ultimatum: either he goes to the doctor, or he endures silently in a Spartan way. You are not a magician and will not be able to diagnose by heavy sighs, and it is useless for you to complain.

4. Listen to complaints about your behavior and work on yourself

If a man complains about some areas of your life with him, for example, about your sex life or lack of it, about the food you cook, about the fact that you and your work or children do not devote time to him at all, or vice versa, you are stuck at home , have grown fat and there is nothing to talk about with you, or it may even be a shame to appear in public - instead of stupid insults, listen to him and resolutely correct the situation. After all, these are alarming signals for your family and it is only in your power to change everything.

5. Ignore him

If he always complains, with or without reason, endlessly and for everything, you can use heavy artillery. “No money” - you are on the phone. "The head of the goat!" - you for the vacuum cleaner. "There is a crisis in the country!" - you are for urgent purchases. If in response to such actions there will be a claim that you are not interested in listening to him at all, you calmly answer: “Darling, I am very interested in listening to you, but it is much better to talk about something positive. About your goals, successes, dreams, aspirations. Something good is happening in your life. Let's talk about it?"

6. Positively reinforce positivity

As soon as a “ray of light” flashes in the stream of blackness and hopelessness escaping from his mouth - something good, positive, you revive, smile, support him in every possible way and unambiguously hint that such conversations inspire confidence in you. And now he - the best man on the ground! And so every time he accidentally starts talking about good things. Feel free to exaggerate your interest. If he asks why you are so happy, say: “Your positive conversations cheer me up, thank you!” If it turns negative again - lean, frown, shut up and apply the method of ignoring.

7. Move the conversation abruptly to another topic.

But not for boring everyday life like “Did you pay the rent?” Take the conversation in a positive direction - remind him of your joint goals, dreams, plans, ask about good things. Draw his attention to the bright side of life. If you cannot remember positive topics during the conversation, think them over and prepare in advance.

8. Tell him that such topics are not for you.

Suitable if he seriously decided that politicians burned through by corruption, dangerous bandits, deadly sores and other stories on the topic “how scary to live” can really be of interest to you, and he can’t ignore any of it. Be very upset, and in a mild form explain to him that such conversations make you sad, they make you want to shoot yourself, because you are a weak woman and cannot influence anything, therefore you feel your helplessness. Add that if he is so interested, then it is better to discuss such topics with friends, and not with you. He starts a similar topic again - repeat everything: get very upset and ask him not to tell you about it. After a few repetitions, he will get used to the fact that such topics are not for you.

9. Give him shock therapy

Or rather, a good thrashing. Not every time to hysteria, but after his next howl, throw one grand scandal. Suitable in cases where he did not particularly complain before, but in recent times often with whining, you diligently tried other methods and for some reason they did not help, and you are already fed up with listening to him every time.

Say that you are tired of his endless complaints, you fell in love with him strong man and it falls apart before our eyes. If something hurts him - let him go to the hospital, there is no money - he will change jobs, and in general he will learn how to solve his problems, instead of crying into your skirt.

I know of several cases where this worked, and instantly and forever. Suitable for those whose men are “normal” men, and not guys with a fine mental organization - this one will get scared, close and stop trusting you. Only you need to do this only once, and not after each of his lamentations. They listened, listened, accumulated, rushed and told him how tired you were of it. It is better not to use this method, or only as a last resort.

10. Stop being a whiner yourself.

Read Will Bowen's World Without Complaints.
Analyze your own behavior - how often do you yourself indulge in despondency? Then, with a miserable face, tell the man that you have noticed how badly complaints and negative thoughts are affecting your life. They give up and don't want to do anything.

Ask him to help you. From now on, you will wear a bracelet on your hand, and every time he catches you complaining, you will change the bracelet to your other hand. Tell him what the task is: do not change the bracelet for three weeks, that is, never complain for 21 days in a row, then the bracelet can be removed. And also you need to change the bracelet if you hear someone complain. He whines - you silently change the bracelet on the other hand, and he sees it.

That is, you just work on yourself, you don’t strain him in any way. But at the same time it will be difficult for him not to get infected. The trick is that, by monitoring your complaints, he automatically begins to notice such bad behavior in himself. Paying attention to the problem is halfway to solving it. He may even want to join you in this experiment, but this is not even necessary. After all, the influence of husband and wife on each other is very, very great.

Once I rented an apartment together with another girl, each of us had our own room. I put on the bracelet and told her about my personal experiment. How surprised I was when she quickly became infected with it! She liked to feel a surge of positive energy, and she also stopped complaining in just a few days, which is why she changed beyond recognition. And this is a girl with whom we were not even girlfriends, just roommates! What can we say about a loved one with whom you are firmly connected with brains, hearts and bodies.

The main thing here is not to expect anything from him, and not even to hint that "it would not hurt him either." The goal should be - your real work on yourself, and not on him. He may not be interested at all, this is normal. The less you push, the more likely you are to succeed.

11. From a dark past to a bright future

There are men who constantly suck on the topics of a dull past, boil in it and cannot calm down. If there is such a habit, then the next time your loved one launches another tirade on the topic “my terrible past”, ask him: “Was there anything good in your past? Let's talk about it! Was there absolutely nothing? Then let's enjoy the present, this wonderful moment! We love each other, we drink tea with delicious cookies together in our cozy apartment, and let's dream about how we will do it on the shores of the warm ocean on our next vacation? So you literally reprogram your man for positive thinking.

12. Help him to believe in himself

This can be done not with consolations, wiping away tears and turning yourself into a “superwoman” who will pull her beloved out of any apocalypse, but with clear words and actions. He began to complain - instead of “we can handle it,” say: “You can handle it, I don’t even doubt it, because you are the best and strongest, that’s why I fell in love with you.” And then - so that you were blown away! Anywhere: to mom, to the store, on business, to the toilet ...

You are not a dumpster to accept all this garbage. Pity the unfortunate squishy - that's not your support. Better make it clear that he can handle everything and he will cope with everything, because he always coped - this is the best support for a man. After all, every problem in your living together- this is a great opportunity for him to prove what a hero he is.

13. Give him a real giveaway

Often a man complains that money is given hard, but there is no return, and it is generally not clear why all this is needed. In this way, he is trying to convey to you how difficult it is for him, so that you are imbued with respect and admiration for him. This means that he does not get enough of it, and feels underestimated. This may be followed by love.

Here it is useless to recommend him to change jobs. Even worse - get a job yourself. Turning on austerity mode and giving up things for yourself will not help either. So he will understand that you can whine - and work much less. And degrade without achievements.

Better give him the return he wants - real support. Throw small and big parties with a cake and maybe even guests in honor of his next successful project, salary or promotion. Remember what happens at his work, ask about his successes, ask specific questions, showing interest in his achievements and your presence in his life.

Find positive qualities in your children with him and say: “Our son is smart and brave - all in dad”, “Our daughter always achieves her goal, all in dad”. Teach your children to appreciate his contribution to the family: “Your dad bought it all, now we will have something to eat for a whole week, go kiss him, he is such a hero!” By the way, I will write about how to motivate a man to have children, to take care of them and love them. So sign up for whatever suits you.

It is believed that a man should be stronger than a woman in everything, should protect and protect his chosen one. But what to do if a man whines endlessly and needs protection himself? Let's whisper?

How to recognize a whiner

Sometimes a man's complaints are due to real problems - the death of a loved one, dismissal from work. Black line can last long enough, and the wife needs to help her beloved overcome the difficulties that have piled on. But more often, complaints are ordinary whining, which should serve as an alarm bell for the spouse. So how do you tell a whiner from a person in a difficult life situation?

The first sign. A whiner is always dissatisfied with everything. Government, work, weather, food, health. Even if he receives a good salary, has a loving wife and wonderful children, such a person considers his life a failure.

Sign two. He constantly presses for pity. Whiners are natural manipulators who get what they want by putting pressure on the emotions of others.

Sign three. You have to spend a lot of energy and strength to comfort your man. You can no longer fully feel like a woman, because it is you who become the main one in the family, and not your spouse.

Sign four. In all the problems of a whiner, it is not he himself who is to blame, but those around him. At the same time, every minor problem in the mind of a whiner is inflated to enormous proportions.

It happens that the behavior of a man changes due to disability and acquired disability. He begins to feel flawed and dependent, because of which he often complains about life. This is difficult situation in which it is necessary to consult a psychologist.

If your loved one is healthy, but at the same time does not stop whining, it is worth considering whether you need to spend time on such a person. Whiners are able to turn the life of a spouse into a real nightmare, and it can be problematic to re-educate them.

Roots psychological problems always rooted in childhood. People who grew up without a father have a tendency to whine. And the mothers of such people often overprotected the child.

Should such behavior be encouraged?

The answer is clear: No! How more woman pities his spouse, the more he begins to whine. Whiners often fall into bad habits over time, because alcohol is a way to temporarily forget about life's disappointments.

Endlessly wasting energy on supporting a person, you yourself will become exhausted and angry. And anger, as you know, leads to quarrels.

A whiner who is accustomed to blaming others for everything will soon begin to blame you too. No matter how much care you give him and how much you strive to support, sooner or later you will find yourself guilty of his troubles.

A strong man will be ashamed if he arouses pity in his wife. A person who takes advantage of your pity is hardly capable of being decisive and independent.

Another problem of couples in which the man has a tendency to whine is the lack of a sexual life. After all, a woman begins to perceive her partner as a boy who needs to be taken care of, while she herself turns into a mother in the eyes of a whiner, and not into a passionate lover.

One of the mistakes women make when faced with whiners is the competition in complaining. The logic is simple: “Are you all bad? Look at my problems." Such behavior in a relationship usually ends badly.

How to wean a man to be a whiner?

Here are some tips from psychologists for those who want to retrain a partner to whine:

1. You are a woman, and you must show your husband that you are weaker than him. If he starts to whine, say that you are very sorry, but you cannot help, because you have less strength and cannot cope with such difficulties. This behavior makes a man understand that he should solve problems on his own, and not rely on you.
2. Ask how the spouse is going to solve problems. Support him, but don't be sorry. “I know you are strong and you can handle it” - support. “Of course they are all to blame, you can’t fix anything” - pity.
3. Share joy with him, praise for the positive. Let him know that happiness attracts you much more than endless sadness.
4. Listen to him. Maybe he really is in poor health and should see a doctor? If he complains about your actions, then think - what if you really are not always right in your behavior?
5. Nothing helps? Ignore. Do not fall for provocations, do not keep talking about how bad everything is. Soon your partner will realize that it is useless to share complaints with you.

Whiners are one of the most dangerous male psychotypes. They know how to hurt their loved ones and skillfully use it. And if you can’t re-educate a whining man, maybe it’s time to say goodbye to him and start living for yourself?