Valeria Protasova

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Each cell of society - a young family - dreams of its own square meters in order to live separately from relatives, to feel like a master and mistress in their own house.

But sometimes circumstances develop in such a way that newlyweds have to live with their parents , and at the same time, each family member needs to make an effort to maintain a warm spiritual atmosphere in the house.

How to achieve maximum comfort in this situation - read below.

A young family lives with their parents - the pros and cons of living together with their parents

• If a young family does not have the means to buy or rent a house, then cohabitation with parents will help save enough money to purchase their own property. Read also:
• Positive family experience of the older generation, built on trust, mutual respect and understanding, will help a young couple build relationships on the same principles.
• When two families live under the same roof, domestic issues are much easier to solve. For example, while the daughter-in-law is at work, the mother-in-law can cook dinner for the whole family, and after dinner the daughter-in-law can easily wash the dishes. Or a son-in-law on a day off will help his father-in-law dig up potatoes in the country, which is intended for the whole family.
• Intimate conversations between parents and children help strengthen relationships between generations. By the way, from such conversations you can learn a lot about your soulmate, which will help to reveal your chosen one from all sides.

All these points can be attributed to the pluses. But, as you know, every medal has two sides. So in the cohabitation of a young family with parents, there are negative sides :

• After the wedding, at the initial stage of cohabitation, young people experience a period of rubbing and getting used to each other . This process is very difficult for both spouses. Added to this is the need to create friendly relations with parents. Not every young family will be able to withstand such a double burden.
• Emerging conflicts with parents at the household level (the daughter-in-law put the plate in the wrong place, the son-in-law refused to go fishing with his father-in-law in his free time, etc.) do not contribute to strengthening the young family, but, on the contrary, add quarrels to the relationship between young spouses. Read also:
• It is very hard for parents to resist giving advice. to impose his opinion on a young family. They just need to be advised how to raise children, solve household issues and spend the family budget. Psychologists say that it is for this reason that young families most often break up.
• By the way, if one of the spouses wants to live with their parents, motivating this "so as not to offend them" - this is an alarm signal that speaks of partner's inability to live independently as well as personally make decisions and be responsible for them. He is dependent on his parents, and if you accept the situation, you will have to live by their rules. Read also:

Living with the parents of a husband or wife: the most common causes of conflicts between a young family and parents

I remember a monologue from a famous movie: “I really respect your parents. But, thank God, I'm not an orphan. Why do I have to constantly conform to your parents? If I do something, it is viewed under a microscope. It's such a tension!"

Every family has its own rules and traditions.. That spouse who will live with other people's parents will always feel "out of his element."

• Most often, conflicts break out on domestic grounds. , for example: the daughter-in-law splashes in the bathroom for a long time or, unlike the mother-in-law, cooked borscht. And the son-in-law, instead of going to the market, as his father-in-law usually does, sleeps until 10 in the morning. The constant moralizing of parents causes negative emotions, which then pour out either on the parents or on each other.
• One more common cause conflicts is the theme of parenting . Grandparents, who are accustomed to raising a child the old fashioned way, impose this system on young parents who might want to raise their baby in modern ways.
• Sooner or later financial claims arise. Parents who pay utility bills in full buy household appliances for their home ( washing machine, microwave oven, stove) and other items used by everyone, in the end, they will get bored, reproaches and misunderstandings will begin.

How to live with your parents and maintain a great relationship - ways out of difficult situations

If a young family lives with their parents, then it must remember that the owners of the living space where they live are the parents and their opinion must be taken into account.

• To make life together for everyone as comfortable as possible (as far as possible), everyone needs to communicate be polite, do not raise your voice, try to understand the interlocutor .
• Parents need to try to be patient , do not impose your opinion, if you give advice, then in a delicate form.
• Everyone should help each other in difficult times. , support, encourage, if a young family or parents have problems.
• Preferably more before cohabitation with parents to draw clear boundaries y: to discuss questions about paying utility bills, raising children, etc.

Living with the parents of a wife or husband can even be very comfortable, calm and convenient, if there is no close relationship between parents and their child. And if mom still doesn’t dare to give her child to some kind of “stupid” or “handless daughter-in-law”, then it’s better make every effort to live separately as soon as possible.

V different countries different attitudes to the age at which a person can reasonably be considered an adult. In Russia, it is generally accepted that already after reaching the age of 18, young men and women are sufficiently formed as individuals, and can be fully and completely responsible for their actions. In a number of other countries, full adulthood occurs at 21 years of age.

From the point of view of psychological maturity, the second approach is more justified: at the age of 18, young people are just leaving school or secondary special education. educational institution, are trying to deal with professional self-determination, may be disappointed in the choice made and are looking for a more suitable profession for themselves. This is a time of change, throwing and doubt. At the age of 21, all this more or less calms down, and a person begins to take a fairly sober look at his life and take conscious responsibility for his actions.

An adult needs as much personal space as possible.

In principle, it is absolutely natural to strive for autonomy and independence from early adolescence. But while you are still in school or in your first year of college/university, you continue to depend quite heavily on your parents. We are talking about finances, and moral support, and help in everyday life, and many other nuances. Actually, taking care of you throughout this time is one of the main duties of your mother and father.

But when you finally and irrevocably become adults, you need more. You don't need autonomy in a metaphorical state run by your parents - you need full power in your own life. It's not scary if it includes mistakes, failures, disappointments. You can't get away from this. It is much more important that you have the opportunity to act exactly as you see fit, without reservations about not wanting to disturb your parents, fear of getting their disapproval or, even more so, the assimilation of the opinion imposed by them.

To parents you will always be a child

It is difficult to overcome this psychological barrier, and only a few parents succeed. In most cases, even those of them who seem to respect and accept the adulthood and self-sufficiency of their child, still somewhere on the periphery of consciousness continue to consider him a baby. This may manifest itself in a more or less implicit form, but it will manifest itself. In intonations, looks, words, in silent approval or disapproval.

And, of course, it will affect you as well. Living with your parents, you remain a child. Consciously or not, you will wait for praise or, conversely, do everything in defiance. You will not always be able to resist the temptation to push some of your affairs onto mom or dad. Don't learn self-care. And you will not always be ready to make important, responsible decisions with your own head, to be responsible for the twists and turns of your fate and fundamental changes capable of changing your life for the better.

Living with parents, it is difficult to build normal relationships and start a family

At the age of 22, you may already have serious relationship and intentions to connect life with a loved one, and possibly even a marriage and a small child / children. And if so, then life together with the older generation is unlikely to contribute to the longevity, warmth and strength of your connection with your “soulmate”.

There are many reasons for this: from banal difficulties in having sex (when mom and dad watch TV through the wall) to copying the model of parental relationships. A young family should be a separate "state" with its own rules and laws, with its own customs and habits, with its own plans. Under parental supervision, even the most gentle and respectful, this is impossible in principle. And if the older generation does not approve of your choice or is tyrannical, then quiet life with a loved one you just can not see.

Your hidden grievances will live and be reinforced every day.

Most people have some sort of expressed or unspoken grudge against their parents. Forgotten about the matinee, not allowed to take up a hobby and turn it into work, spanked in front of other children - such things are not forgotten, especially if repentance and apologies from the mother and father did not come after them.

However, all these phenomena can be overcome and not allowed to affect your psychological health, your maturity and solvency. But at a distance. It is difficult to take and get rid of hidden childhood grievances from your head if you see your parents every day, and even, perhaps, you encounter new conflicts: living together cannot do without them. This argument becomes especially powerful if your relationship with your mom and / or dad is, in principle, quite complicated and painful.

So, if you are already 22 years old and you live with your parents, it will be better for your own good and for the normal development of your relationship if you move out. Even if it seems to you that you live soul to soul together, after moving you will surely feel how much you have been deprived of, and how much easier it is to breathe in a truly independent life.

Who and with whom should not live under the same roof

People say about relatives: the further you live, the more you love. However, it often seems to people that it is they who can perfectly get along with one or another close person. And they come together - not because life forces them, but because it is more convenient: someone is saved from loneliness in this way, someone receives economic benefits, someone gets help with the housework.

However, very often such voluntary cohabitation ends in a complete collapse of the relationship. People do not understand what the matter is, and blame themselves or their partner for the “unaccommodating” attitude. Meanwhile, some types of cohabitation are doomed from the start - with all the mutual love.

Who and with whom is it better not to be under the same roof under any circumstances, and who can move in together?

Two plus one, counting baby

62-year-old Alla Ivanovna was very worried when her son Anton left his wife Katya with their three-year-old son. She tried to reason with her son, saying that the child needed a father, but it was all to no avail.

Then I invited Katya and her grandson to live with me. My apartment is large, and Katya has a tiny “odnushka” in the outskirts. But, most importantly, she needs to work, and I’m retired, I’ll help with my grandson, and it’s more fun myself.

Katya gratefully accepted the offer of her mother-in-law, now the former. Moreover, her relationship with Alla Ivanovna has always been excellent. But as soon as they settled together, the mother-in-law suddenly turned into a Cerberus. According to Katya, as soon as she got a job (before that she was at home with a child), her grandmother began to poison her:

Jealous she turned out to be worse than her son! - says Katya. - As soon as I ran into the store after work and came half an hour later, she met me inflated, went to her room and slammed the door. She didn’t speak directly, but hinted - they say, while some “wander about who knows where, she, old man, is knocked out of strength. In the morning, early on weekends, she would start rattling dishes, unhappy that I had been sleeping for a long time.

Katya says that at every opportunity she tried to entertain her former mother-in-law - she took her to the theater, inviting a nanny for these hours for Yegorka. On weekends, the three of them walked in the park. And in November, Katya even bought trips to Turkey for three.

On vacation, I heard, - Katya confesses, - that she is telling her neighbors on the beach how hard it is for me, but she cannot leave her grandson. And she added that all her life the family rested only on her.

In the evening, Katya called her former mother-in-law for a conversation, saying that if it was so hard for her, then they could go to Katya's apartment. It's okay - Yegorka will go to kindergarten.

Then Alla Ivanovna began to clutch at her heart, - Katya recalls, - and say that Egorka and I are her whole life. That “one has already plunged a knife into her heart,” this is about Anton, and now the last close people are about to leave her alone. She complained that Anton had been running away from home since childhood, that she only wanted the best for everyone ... In general, I felt ashamed, and I took my words back.

Some time later, little Yegorka met his mother from work with the words: “Well, have you walked up ?!” Katya said that you shouldn’t talk to your mother like that, and he replied that my grandmother always says that, and she is the oldest and kindest. And soon Yegorka said that “he and his grandmother were visiting dad and his new wife Aunt Rita, she is very beautiful and cooks deliciously, not like you.

Three days later, Katya and Yegorka left for their home - the girl was afraid that her mother-in-law would set her child against her. They do quite well. But Alla Ivanovna is very angry:

How ungrateful people are! I did everything for her...

Psychologists consider it "non-environmental" to stay under the same roof in the "two plus one", where there is an adult single person - especially if he is female.

Age and loneliness exacerbate egocentrism, - explains the candidate of psychological sciences Alina Kolesova. - But if an elderly lonely egocentric man is able to abstract from the world, focusing on his beloved (reading, walking, having fun, being treated, etc.), then a woman of this type needs living people. Thanks to them, she feels needed, important, wise, etc. Katya's ex-mother-in-law really wanted the best, offering her ex-daughter-in-law to stay in her house. But in the process living together she was guided not by the arguments of reason, but by her emotions. In addition, the mother-in-law, with all her love for her daughter-in-law, in the depths of her soul will still gravitate towards her son - such is the law of nature. She's not evil or stupid, just self-centered and manipulative. I think things will get better after a while. The main thing is not to repeat the mistake and not be under the same roof again.

According to psychological research, according to a similar principle, “two plus one cohabitation” will develop, where a single mother-in-law lives under the same roof with her daughter’s family, a single mother-in-law with her son’s family and an unmarried sister with a married family, and it doesn’t matter whether the sister is younger or older. The reason is that a single woman of any age, who finds herself side by side with a “normal” family, is more than anything afraid of feeling superfluous.

With whom you can live in the “two plus one”. Cohabitation “two plus one” can be favorable if the “third extra” in them is a single man, provided that he is healthy and has a normal character - for example, if the family lives under the same roof with a single father-in-law, father-in-law or brother of a husband or wife .

Men have less need to confirm their importance through households, influencing their relationships, moods and home environment, the psychologist believes. - More often a single man, young or old, living side by side with a full-fledged family, is able to calmly go about his business, not paying attention to "roommates" at all or helping them strictly "on request". The exceptions are elderly, unhealthy or very jealous and selfish single male household members.

A child who has grown up but has not created a family - a son or daughter - can normally coexist under the same roof with his parents if they provide him with personal space - both moral and physical.

One plus one cohabitation

When family life 32-year-old Marina began to crumble, her 53-year-old mother helped her get a divorce.

For me it was a surprise! Marina shares. - My mother raised me alone and kept repeating that I should get married and take care of my family, because for a woman this is the most important thing. Everything can be transferred, if only not to become an abandoned woman with a child, as she did. At first, I was even afraid to admit to her that I wanted a divorce! But when she realized that I was serious about a divorce, she didn’t try to convince me, especially since Vlad and I never had children.

According to Marina, her mother took upon herself the legal troubles associated with the divorce, and then offered her daughter to move in with her and rent out the second apartment.

It was a rational decision, - admits Marina. - Why live separately, if we are both left alone, and the extra money will not hurt anyone. Mom works, so do I, and in the evenings together it’s not so dreary. The first month we lived in perfect harmony. Missed each other for those five years that did not live together. My mother cooked delicious food and fed me. For long evenings, I shared with her painful things, she sympathized with me and recalled similar episodes from her life. I calmed down, my mother also said that with me she seemed to have thawed her soul. But everything changed when I met Eugene.

When Marina first told her mother that she was invited on a date, she was only delighted. True, she immediately added that "this Zhenya may turn out to be the same scoundrel as Vlad." And so that Marina would not be upset if suddenly the new boyfriend "disappears, having received everything he needs from her."

But when Zhenya did not disappear even after two months, mother suddenly turned from a kindly warning one into some kind of envious girlfriend! She had never said anything like this before. She suddenly began to hint at the fact that I was no longer young - for example, “at your age, they don’t dress so frivolously anymore.” And somehow she even stated that at my age, normal people no longer think about partying with gentlemen!

Marina says that her mother is a youthful, fit woman, and it was very strange to hear this from her. At the same time, she began to talk about herself with her daughter as girlfriends. For example, she told her friend that “she and Marina will go on vacation with their girls, without the old man,” referring to the company of her daughter.

When Marina brought Zhenya to meet him, his mother greeted him very warmly, set the table, only, in the eyes of her daughter, was too flirtatious:

She behaved not like the mother of the bride, but like an interesting woman who had not yet left the love distance. She pestered Zhenya with questions about whether blonde hair suits her, and all the time she told stories from her turbulent youth, laughing out loud. This is the first time I've seen my mother like this! Zhenya later told me that my mother in her youth, apparently, was a pretty coquette. But I don't remember her like that.

And after a while, the mother began to repeat to her daughter all the time that Zhenya was not a couple for her, that you should not connect your life with a person who your mother does not like ...

The attitude towards Zhenya also changed dramatically: when he came to visit, she coldly greeted him, defiantly went into another room, refused to even go to the table.

And now Marina does not understand: why did it happen?

Marina's mother is one of those women who, with age, begin to be afraid of approaching old age, - explains Alina Kolesova. - More often it happens with divorced or widowed women. They are afraid to understand that their active life is in the past, and the worst thing is to become unnecessary to their children. But gradually almost everyone comes to accepting their age one way or another. Here are just an irritant in the form of a daughter who lives nearby and became practically a girlfriend of the same age, and then demonstrated that they were by no means the same age, greatly disturbed the psychological balance of Marina's mother ...

According to psychologists, according to a similar principle, “cohabitation in the one plus one mode” will develop, which includes a single woman who is significantly older than her “roommate” - for example, mother and son, sisters different ages etc.

The only difference is that if a male “cohabitant” (son, younger brother) is under the wing of an older woman, she will interfere with the arrangement of his personal life, attacking his chosen ones, says the psychologist. - And if the daughter or younger sister, then the older one will peck at the younger one so that she does not feel worthy of an alliance with a “normal” man. It is important that, with rare exceptions, this is done unconsciously, mothers and older sisters are absolutely sure that they wish only the best for the younger ones. So it is, only at the same time they believe that the greatest “good” for a child or youngest, no matter how old they are, is to always stay at their side.

With whom you can live in the “one plus one”. In addition to tender couples, loving spouses and mothers with small children, according to psychologists, cohabitation "one plus one" can be favorable, where the eldest and lonely is a man. For example, a father with a daughter, a father with a son, an older brother with a sister or brother much younger than himself.

Also, “one plus one” unions, where two are in approximately equal age, social and material conditions, have high chances of survival. For example, brothers and sisters without a significant difference in age or two friends (girlfriends) renting one apartment for two.

Men, especially adults and smart ones, are not afraid of the prospect of falling out of family conflicts, they do not feel unnecessary because of this, the psychologist explains. - A single father living alone with an adult son, for example, can also start flirting with his son's girlfriends, but this will not be destructive, as is the case with the mother and daughter's gentlemen. The same applies to older single brothers in relation to their girlfriends. younger brothers. A single father, living alone with an unmarried daughter, can just demonstrate feigned severity towards her gentlemen. But even behind this, if his health and mentality are normal, it is not worth the desire to leave his daughter forever with him. The reason is that the self-esteem of a mature man does not depend on his place in the family scheme. And when in the “one plus one” mode people of approximately equal status and age (friends / girlfriends, colleagues, brothers / sisters) voluntarily cohabit, each of them is most often busy with his own life and interests, and it’s easy for both of them to interfere in the affairs of the “cohabitant” no time and no reason.

Experts believe that the following simple rules hostels will help all free and involuntary cohabitants:

1. Get together two by two! If there is good will on both sides, any two-on-two cohabitation can be peaceful - for example, parents and a daughter with a husband or a son with a wife. If you wish, you can always level the differences between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law, if both have husbands nearby, and the father-in-law and son-in-law, if both are with their wives. If in parental family adult children remain, they need to be given personal space in every sense - the opportunity to be alone and the right to manage their lives.

2. Avoid triangles! The main guarantee of a successful "dormitory" is the absence of family triangles, in which one person necessarily feels superfluous. And if this is a woman, then definitely do not expect good! If a single grandmother lives with the family, entrust her with the upbringing of her grandchildren and emphasize that you fully trust her experience and wisdom to make her feel needed. If you don't have kids, get her a dog, cat, or companion so she doesn't get lonely.

3. Throw food for thought! This method is suitable for intellectual single grandmothers who have an active social life behind them, as well as for all single grandfathers living with a young family. Often, after a certain age, it is simply vital for people to solve other people's problems, especially if they don't have their own - let's remember gossip grandmothers or grandfathers near the entrances, arguing with the TV and scribbling complaints to the long-defunct party committee. Sometimes young people should deliberately invent a difficulty for themselves and ask for advice from a caring elderly household member, let him discuss it to his delight, feeling himself the brain center of the family.

4. Learn to rule yourself! Your own psychological state is also important, because we always receive from others a response to the message that we ourselves give them. If one of the household members brings you up, then you somehow allow it to him. First of all, you need to mentally forgive all the insults: the household - for spoiling your life, and yourself - for being angry with this household. Having nullified your relationship in this way, create a distance between yourself and the offender. If physical distance is not possible, create a psychological one. Imagine that you are wearing a glass spacesuit and you are flying into space in it. Remember that an astronaut in a spacesuit is physically incapable of reacting violently to every mosquito that beats from the glass of his helmet.

Some live with their parents, considering it normal and natural, or having no other options. But living with a mother and father can harm adult children. And from the article you will find out why.

Why do children stay with their parents?

For what reasons do children stay with their parents, growing up and becoming more or less independent? Reasons are different:

1. It's comfortable. Parents, especially those who are not working, can perform many household chores: cleaning, cooking, shopping, babysitting (if an adult child has his own family). In this case, the children bear the minimum responsibility.
2. It's profitable. If there is no separate housing, then living with parents eliminates the need to purchase it. No need to rent an apartment, pay for utilities separately (and sometimes mom and dad pay for everything).
3. There are no other options. Sometimes living with parents is a forced measure due to the lack of separate housing and money to buy or rent it.
4. Addiction. And there are many different types of it. Children can depend on their parents: financially, emotionally or psychologically. But often fathers and mothers of adults who are afraid of loneliness or life without their beloved daughters and sons often face addiction.

Advantages and disadvantages of such a residence

Living with parents has both advantages and disadvantages. Let's start with the pros:

• Tangible help, both from one side and mutual. If the parents are elderly or sick, the children take care of them. And if mom and dad are still full of energy, they can help the child: cook food, do laundry, look after grandchildren, and so on.
• Benefit for children. They do not need to spend money on renting or purchasing separate housing. It remains to pay part of the utility bills, but sometimes such expenses are completely taken over by the parents.
• Peace of mind for parents. For mom and dad, even an independent and independent child remains a child, and therefore if he lives separately, and even more so far away, this always becomes a cause for worry.
• Support. Father and mother will always support their child, no matter what, they will take his side and provide assistance in difficult situations. When living separately, there is often no shoulder nearby to rely on. Of course, you can talk over the phone, but real face-to-face communication is much more pleasant and effective.

• clash of interests. An adult has his own views on life, its way of life and way of life. Parents, on the other hand, may think differently, which will lead to disagreements and scandals on a variety of issues, such as cooking, keeping the house clean, and so on.
• Total control. Of course, not all moms and dads control and take care of their adult children, but still this happens quite often and, of course, stresses and angers children.
• Unnecessary and sometimes overly intrusive advice. Although mom and dad will give them to help, children often take inappropriate recommendations with hostility. And this is another reason for controversy.
• Increasing addiction. The further you go, the harder it is to get rid of it. And in this case, children may not become independent at all. And parents who are highly dependent on the child will not let him go free swimming, making independent life impossible.
• Difficulties in building your own family. Parents can unknowingly or consciously, out of good intentions, interfere in the relationship of the child, preventing them from solving problems. Sometimes living together leads to divorce, and the adult child remains single for a long time or forever (if he does not decide to move out).
• Lack of freedom. The child cannot afford too much with his parents, feels discomfort due to their presence, does not have personal space, does not build a life as he wants and sees fit.
• Strengthening resentment. If you are angry with your father or mother for something, then their constant presence will only aggravate the situation, increasing hostility and anger.

Reasons to move away from your parents

Why is it impossible for grown-up and independent children to live with their parents for a long time or permanently? There are several obvious reasons to start an independent life in your own (or at least rented) housing:

1. Personal space. Living separately, you can do what you want (of course, within reason), and no one will reproach you for anything. You can bring guests or the other half to your own home without permission, here you can arrange everything to your taste, creating a cozy corner.
2. gaining independence, becoming accustomed to adulthood. A child separated from his parents will finally come to know all the difficulties and realities, learn to solve problems, become self-sufficient and responsible.
3. Nice meeting with mom and dad. You will miss them, which means that visits to your home will become long-awaited and bring real pleasure.
4. The ability to build a personal life without constant interference from loved ones. And let you be wrong, but all the most personal and intimate will remain inside the couple or family.
5. Independence. Separation from parents (separation) is an inevitable and obligatory stage of growing up. And if you do not pass it, you can forever remain infantile, helpless and insecure.
6. Less reason for conflict. There will be nothing to quarrel and argue about.

How to solve the problems that arise when living together?

How to be a guy or a girl if he (she) lives with his parents and understands that it harms everyone? First, ideally, move out and start living separately. If there is free housing, it's easy. If it is not and is not expected, it makes sense to think about a mortgage or building a house.

Secondly, indicate your independence and the degree of intervention in your life by your father and mother. Explain to them that you are an adult and have the right to make your own decisions.

Thirdly, try to organize a personal space, protected from everyone. Arrange your own room (if possible), and provide a door with a lock so that the room is closed. Let your parents know that they cannot enter your corner without warning and without your presence.

Fourth, look for compromises. Communicate, solve problems together and calmly, discuss plans and decide how to live better and more comfortably for everyone. Silent discontent will ruin the relationship and lead to a nervous breakdown.

If you still live with your parents, and this state of affairs does not suit you, change the situation. Living together with mother and father is sometimes harmful and even dangerous, and separate housing has many advantages.

9 chose

When we say "yes, he still lives with his parents," we most often characterize a person as dependent, infantile. Is it right for an adult to continue living with their parents? Isn't it time for him to change his life?

The answers to these questions are, of course, individual for everyone. And there is no single correct answer.

Sometimes living with parents or leaving is the choice not of people, but of circumstances. One of the main reasons why adults live in the same apartment with mom and dad is living space. More precisely, its absence.

Another case is when housing conditions allow living with a large family, relations with parents are excellent (with respect to the necessary boundaries) and there is no point in renting or buying other housing.

It often happens that an adult child, having failed in life, returns to the parental nest in order to recover, gain strength and start all over again.

It happens - parents cannot do without a son or daughter: they are elderly or sick. And then the decision is made to stay with them.

All these reasons explain the cohabitation of children and parents. Convincing for some, not so much for others. But at the same time, it is not so important what others think if all family members are satisfied with this state of affairs.

And if an adult who is able to provide for himself continues to live with mom and dad? Sometimes it looks weird. "Mama's boy" - they talk about men, ""old maid" - they talk about women. However, it is not so important what they say. What is important is something else.

Parents, especially mothers, are called upon to give a piece of themselves to their child. The child accepts. V adolescence this connection breaks a little, because the child gradually loses the need for parental care. Over time, he himself has a need to give something away. But mom is still set to "return mode." Staying close to mom, a person maintains a reliable rear. Dinner is ready, clothes are washed, mother's support is always there. However, if a mother is nearby, then sometimes there is no place for another woman. Or each potential "groom" of the daughter is discussed at the family council. After all, it happens! Such suffocating mother's care is typical for many families. Someone resigns, and someone goes with the flow.

Psychologists are convinced that for full development, a person needs to go through the stage of "loner" or "monad". After all, being an adult means being able to live independently. This also means the possession of everyday skills: being able to rent an apartment, cook food, pay bills, and social skills: build relationships in a team, with the opposite sex. The ability to live independently, without parents, prepares for family life.

Knowing how to live alone is important. However, the answer to the question "when is it better to leave the parental nest?" sounds like this: when a person is ready. There are rebels who, after leaving school, decide to live independently (and almost always find an opportunity: money and housing). There are those who move out from their parents when they start a family or buy an apartment. However, there are those who live with their parents, but do not consider themselves dependent.

Until what age did you live with your parents? For what reasons did they leave or, on the contrary, did they stay with them?