Call by phone: - Hello! Can you hear Katyusha? - Hmm ... Katyusha? - Yes please. - The apple and pear trees were blooming ...

In a woman, two entities are always fighting: a cat that wants to walk by itself, and a dog that needs a master ...

It is really easy to take out an unbearable person - in a coffin and to music.

The woman will always fly. And it depends on the man on the wings or on a broomstick ..

It doesn't matter if the situation is good or bad - it will change.

You may know someone for a long time, but he will betray you later! You may know someone badly, but he will give you a hand!

If you are still not in a fairy tale, then the wrong wizard is with you ...

Oh, these women! No shit, no conscience.

Not all dreams come true. Even Roman Abramovich dreamed of becoming a teacher, like his mother, but something didn't work out ...

Silence is the only thing in gold that women don't like

The hare and the bear have found the treasure, and they argue who will get it. The bear suggests: - Come on, whoever knocks out more teeth, that and the treasure. The hare agreed, hitting the first. - How many? - One, two, three ... six. The turn of the bear hit. - How many? - Sishiri. - How four? - But there is no bofe.

One traffic cop on the road is a private enterprise; two is the BRIGADE; three is
THREE GUYS ...

AAA crocodiles, bigemots! AAA-monkeys, kashelots "- obviously a song about men

What used to be called a suckers' scam is now beautiful - a special offer!

Every day the hope to go to bed early dies somewhere on the Internet.

One worthy man died of old age - Ivan Ivanovich. I went to heaven. The birds are singing, the beauty is unspeakable. But suddenly I saw a secret door on which it was written: "Everything for Ivan Ivanovich." I could not resist, opened it and gasped: in the middle of a blooming garden there was a magnificent mansion, a BMW of the latest model was parked at the front entrance, and a young Miss World was waving to him from the porch. Ivan Ivanovich became angry, rushed to the Lord: "God, why didn't you give me all this during my lifetime?" The Lord threw up his hands in bewilderment: “I fulfilled all your requests: I gave you a wife who bakes delicious pies, a small two-room apartment, and at the end of my life -“ Zaporozhets ”. You never dreamed of anything else!

One man was bitten by a dog. He felt bad and turned to the doctor:
- I must grieve you: you have rabies.
The patient took a sheet of paper and quickly began to write something.
- Why are you writing a lecture? I can cure you.
- This is not a message. I am making a list of those whom I need to bite before you heal me. ... ...

Bliiin .... I want to work like Santa Claus ... 24 hours in 364))))))

Sun!
- What a cat?
- Little fish, make breakfast.
- Of course, teddy bear.
- Thank you, swallow.
- Not at all a goat.
- I love you, pussy.
- I love you too, bunny.

yyy: do you want a joke?
xxx: go ahead.
yyy: the person has a blind spot in the eye. I will now throw off a list of the same phrases for you, and one of them is different. If you look at the center of the text, you will not notice this phrase. Cool? She came up with it herself. :)
yyy: I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you very much I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you i love you
yyy: Try it too. ;))
xxx: I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I fuck you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you i love you
... yyy quit chat ...
xxx: but she said it was not visible.

Sun!
- What a cat?
- Little fish, make breakfast.
- Of course, teddy bear.
- Thank you, swallow.
- Not at all a goat.
- I love you, pussy.
- I love you too, bunny.
- Wait a minute! Don't you remember my name either?

On a rainy autumn evening, a girl walks in the park, walks around the puddles.
Suddenly he sees three little white dogs. She leans over to one
strokes her and says:
- Oh, dog, you are so beautiful! I wonder if you have a name?
And the dog answers her:
- My name is Huey, I have a beautiful day, I like to go into
puddle in and out of it ...
The girl, stunned, turns to the second dog:
“Can you talk too?”
The dog answers:
- And my name is Lewie, I also have a beautiful day today, I love
getting in and out of a puddle ...
The girl asks the third dog:
- And your name is Dewey, and you have a wonderful day today too?
A dog with a cry:
- Not! My name is Puddle, and I have a nasty day today!

she: Honey, you love me
he: no
she: And don't you even want to?
he: no
she: Well, it's right that I sold your guild!
he: whatooooooooooooooooooooooh ?????
she: and all your things from the Persian
he: fucking
she: sold to her Persian, so you have the opportunity to fix everything!
he: I love you, I want you, I love you, I want you, I love you, I want you, I love you, I want you ...
she: that's what my mother was talking about in relation to her husband!

friend told
"I sit in the evening, I burn the TV set, sms comes from the employee:" how are you? what are you doing? "- answered as it is! she again (literally):" but I'm so tired at work! also at home already, for the fifth time I watch P.S. I love you"
I'm in awe! like a dick she loves me ??? I sit and think how cold it will be .... I wrote that I am gay .... I click the channels with porridge in my head, on the next film "P.S. I love you" .... it turns out that I'm gay for just ((((

correspondence:
guy: i love you!
girl: i love you too.
guy: i miss!
girl: me too.
guy: I want to see you!
girl: fuck off, I'm busy.

in one hour:
girl: do you love me?
guy: do what the fuck ...

You have 71 friends on Odnoklassniki.ru. There are about 4500 friends of friends ... That is, if they do not know each other, then each also has about 70 unique friends ... So why, when it's bad, a friend is always alone, and then drunk, unshaven, and in general you are his for the first time you see! aapopgavmail.ru

Darkness is a friend of youth. No face is visible in the dark. - I love you! - Me too ... - I want you! - Me too ... - What's your name? - Seryozha. - Oh devil, me, too, after all. *** - Seryozha, your mother, where are you ?! - well, here, it will start again now. Mom was found, damn it. "Do you really want to know where I am?" So listen. She carries me around the house for my sister, because this fourteen-year-old mare does not give a hair dryer, and you are also calling here, unicellular! - yes, now my patience was completely running out. - Oh, well, now everything is clear with you, Gray! And yes, don't forget to come to the party. If you don’t come, then I’ll get all your liver-spleen and feed all the stray cats and dogs with it. At this, I just grunted, turned off the phone and threw it away. Here's another. I ran straight up there to go, the manipulator of fucking. No, I have nothing against parties, because this very "manipulator" has a birthday today, and I, as a best friend, simply have to be there. Once again, sighing heavily, I gained strength, which had dried up after running around the house, and again went to my sister's room. No, but what does she take the hairdryer? He's my mother's! - Mary-in! Well, open this damn door already and give me, humanly, this unfortunate hairdryer! - knowing that my sister likes to be polite to her, I knocked lightly on the door. - And here are the little ones for you, brother, - well, of course. Roughly something like, and also a girl. But knowing her, I also learned her motto: "Roughness, hatred, hardcore." Well, she's unlikely to look like a super-mega-metalhead, and she won't look like a girl with brooms instead of eyelashes in her eyes either, so it remains to count on something in between. - Well, Marinochka. Please give me the hairdryer and no one will suffer - damn it, but actually, who will suffer? Of all the options, my psyche will be chosen. - I'll think - oops, this is a turn! It turns out that she knows how to think! Wow! Naturally, I did not dare to say this out loud, because I want to go to a party alive and whole to a friend, and if I said it out loud, Marina would not have considered it necessary to leave my ashes in a jar. - What a bitch! - yes, but it was pure truth without a grain of sarcasm. - Did you say something? - as soon as I turned around and was about to go to my room, the door behind my back opened and this marsh leech in person came out from there, - Now, if you, Serezhenka, say one more rude word to me, then blame yourself. And yes, choke on your hairdryer. Although no, only on one condition - well, tell me, who is the elder of us, and who is the younger? - Damn, Marin, come on faster. I’m late for my friend’s birthday, and if I don’t come, then my liver-spleens will be fed to homeless cats and dogs, - after this phrase I made cute eyes like a cat from the cartoon "Shrek". - In short, Sergey. You don’t call names all week, you don’t call me names, and you don’t do nasty things to me, but I’m giving you the hairdryer, - I was already, in joy I stretched out my hands to my object of adoration, but they broke me off, - Oh, yes, about a friend. The kid says, I would do the same in his place, I just feel sorry for the homeless animals - no, she's definitely a bitch! Throwing something like "thank you" to her, I rushed on foot to my room, otherwise I’m already starting to be late, and I still have a long drive, because the friend whom I call Aristarchus lives in the very ass of our city, namely in his the center, where the people are dark, and it is almost impossible to get through. But this is the twenty-first century, so I can easily call a taxi and get to the place I need. Plugging the hair dryer into an outlet, and setting the power I needed for drying, I began to dry my hair, combing it along the way. As a matter of fact, there was almost nothing to comb there, because I had short hair that have been styled and trimmed in fashion. Since the conversation has gone about my appearance, then you can tell in more detail. You already know about hair, so let's move on. My eyes were honey-colored, a small, neat nose with a hump, thin scarlet lips, dark skin and an athletic physique. No, I wasn’t an avid jock, so I wasn’t one of these “big boys” or, in other words, “closets”, but still I had muscles in my arms, and my abs were not bad either. So, for some reason I talk too much about my appearance. God forbid if my sister infected. Pah-pah-pah, as they say. Plucking the hair dryer out of the socket and folding its wire neatly, I styled my hair with gel, since the whole evening is yet to come! And, no. I'm not doing this for glamorous chickens and other girls, no. It's just that I'm bisexual, and for the most part I'm interested in guys than girls. Winking at my reflection in the mirror, I went in search of clothes. As a result, as they say, I found what I needed to wash, but it was not dirty yet. Damn, something like that. Although I'm not sure if anyone understood me. Putting on skinny black jeans, a white T-shirt, and a black plaid shirt on top of that T-shirt, I winked again at my reflection in the mirror. Handsome. Say nothing. Well. We go to conquer men's hearts. Or rather, not hearts, but members who will stand well even without Viagra or an aphrodisiac. Your mother! This is all nedotrah. I answer. The hand just told me that it does not want such a relationship every other time, and refuses to satisfy me. I'm saying that all women are bitches. Well, of course, except for mom and grandmother. These two women are my everything. Taking my backpack from under the table, where there was a gift for the hero of this celebration, and, also, not forgetting to turn on the phone and call a taxi, I went into the corridor, where I put on my boots and a windbreaker, and said my loud "goodbye" to my sister. Not small already. Twenty years old, so my voice is masculine and beautiful. Taking the keys from the mezzanine, I turned off the light in the corridor and closed the door with a key. It was impossible to hesitate, perhaps it had already arrived, and my organs were dearer to me ... As soon as I left the entrance, I saw that the car had already arrived, because it matched the description of the dispatcher, who asked me questions and told all the other details ... I got into the car and politely greeted the driver and gave him the address. The car started to move. The car was going fast. There were no traffic jams or other fuss on the street, so we got to the place I needed very quickly. Even the people near the house of Aristarchus were hardly visible. Did he scare all the passers-by with his music? No, I have nothing against my friend's musical taste. He is a brutal guy who listens mostly: “Dude, this is a repchik”, or “tuber”. So why am I talking about this? Well, he couldn't scare people off with his bass, could he? I will hope so. Leaving the car, paying, saying goodbye to the driver and wishing him a good journey, I set off towards my best friend's house. *** I didn't have to call the intercom, because I entered the entrance together with an elderly woman ... But the door to a friend's apartment was not even difficult to open, since the unclosed apartment “said”: “Come into me and take whatever you want!” Yeah, steal, steal me completely. So. I came already in the midst of the party. The room was smoky, and the air was filled with the smell of the aforementioned tobacco and expensive booze. I was met by an already heavily drunk campaign of acquaintances from the university, namely, two guys, between whom there was also a drunken girl. Fu, and also a girl. She still has children to bear, but she drinks, and, I suppose, smokes. So, Seryozha, you did not come here as a philosopher and psychologist, but, by the way, to conquer men's hearts and their members. Well, it has begun again! This drunken campaign is followed by a drunken birthday boy too. Leshkin cat! So all the same, how late I was, that they are already in the ass, I apologize for the expression, drunk, probably almost all drunk, just not a single person who has not drunk can stay, and even more so if he is at a party with Aristarchus himself Sorokin. He's like the king of the university. But as they say, friends are not chosen. - O! Hic .. Who p-when ... hic ... walked! - it would be better if you were silent, Aristarchus. And it’s no pleasure to listen to your drunken speech, but he is a friend who is very dear to me. - Yes, I came. It's just that I still want to live somehow, and not your "sweet" revenge - everyone immediately looked at me like an alien, and their eyes said that, they say, how do you normally say? Are you even from our planet? - Well, you, hic it, come in, don’t hesitate ... hic ... hiccup, - patting me on the shoulder and smiling drunkenly, my friend told me. Taking off my shoes next to the rest of my shoes, I went after these drunks. When I walked into the living room, to say that I am a freak means to say nothing. Has he called the whole university here? But that was not the strangest thing. The strangest thing was that the music wasn't playing. Maybe I already missed this point? Although for me, it doesn't matter anymore. I am here, which means that my insides will be safe and sound, and I myself will be alive. While I was standing at the entrance to the hall, Aristarchus was already lost in this crowd of people. Well, okay, everyone's the same, so I think we won't get bored, especially since I have a goal. Having passed into the hall itself, I was also lost in the crowd of people. Everyone was vigorously discussing something. And then I heard what exactly they were discussing. - Reb ... hic ... yata! Well, come on. Send a beam ... hic ... she into the bottle yig ... hic .... men! - oh, this promises to be fun. Of course, I will not play, but I would not mind watching. In general, I'll go, I'll find something edible, if there is any left. Well, and then what was to be expected is that all the guys with joyful exclamations and squeals began to support such a wonderful idea - to play with a bottle. I was not allowed to get out of this crowd. - Gray, stand there! Ik. Where are you, hic, sobsna speaking went? - so, now I think the eightieth excuse. - And I wanted to eat this, so I’ll go in search of food, - so, it seems like a ride. Just on this moment they are like degrading alcoholics. But each of them is very dear to me. - Ah, well, hic, go then, Scholl, - while there is a chance - you need to run, which is exactly what I did. Then everyone plunged into the game, so they didn't care what was happening, even if it was an attack by yellow amoebas, they would still sit and play like this. Well, God is with them. Leaving the stuffy room, I went to the kitchen. The lights were on almost everywhere, except for the kitchen, of course. And again, I would not be surprised if some loving couple turned off this light in the kitchen in order to create their dark deeds. I decided not to turn on the light in the kitchen, even if there are no two sucking natives, and there is a light in the refrigerator, so everything is under control. Well, even if one of you wants and asks me to turn on the light there, then, dear ones, answer the question: "What the hell is this light in the refrigerator for?" For me personally, this light is needed to illuminate the insides of the refrigerator, or, to put it another way, food. Quietly walking through the kitchen so as not to stumble over something, I nevertheless achieved my goal. Groping for a nearby refrigerator, I opened the door. I saw ... No, not some chop or some other culinary masterpiece, not at all. I saw only a mouse with a noose around its neck. Just think. Letting out a sigh that was full of sadness and sadness, I was forced to go back. But I was not allowed to do this, as someone hugged me from the back. The one who stood in the back smelled of alcohol, but not much, he or she, in general, it. It breathed into my neck, and at the same time, tickling with its hair, and only because of this action a crowd of goose bumps ran through my body, and my mind was already preparing a white handkerchief and its farewell speech. - I love you! - Me too ... - I want you! - Me too ... - What's your name? - Seryozha. - Oh devil, me, too, after all. I absolutely did not understand what it was about now. I just did not understand what this little dialogue was about, I just felt too good from kisses on the neck. Then, when consciousness began to come back, I was doused with cold water. I pushed this miracle away from me and felt the switch. Turning on the light, I looked at the tempting snake. And, lo and behold! It turned out to be a guy. No not like this. Boy, most likely. Looks like fifteen or sixteen years old, I will not lie. Stop. And it turns out that this pretty creature also drinks? And in other matters, the same holiday. - So this is what you are - Seryozha .., - whispered the boy with his lips, while blushing sweetly. - Well, actually, what it is, - I chuckled, - And yes, by the way, I liked what you did in the dark. Maybe we can repeat it? - I really really wanted to repeat. - You can repeat. It's just that I'm not very sober, so keep in mind that I can forget everything in the morning - will he forget? - Don't worry, I will remind you, - I smiled, - And by the way, baby, how old are you? - I asked Seryozha, slowly closing the distance between us. “I’m seventeen,” I told you! Intuition does not fail me. And he blushes so cute, just like a girl. - That's how, - I came close to him already, took his chin with my fingers and gently touched his lips. A kiss with a taste of cognac. God. I no longer hold back and deepen the kiss, Seryozha also does not hesitate, but opens his mouth trying to respond to the kiss. Of course, this is ridiculous for him, but it even adds fuel to the fire. I reluctantly move away from him, as someone might notice us at such a case. - Seryozha, let's continue later? It's just that they may notice us doing such a thing, - I smile as sweetly as possible and take his hand, from which this glorious fellow has completely become a tomato. “Okay,” he whispers, barely audibly, and lifts his green eyes to me, and I can't help smiling. - Maybe let's go from here? - You can explain everything to a friend later, but personal life will not wait. - Well, I agree, - again smiling his childish smile, said Seryozha. - Let's go then, - I took him by the hand and led him into the corridor. When we left the kitchen, noises, laughter, squeals and joyful exultation were still heard from the room. Yes, the people are having fun. I think no one will care about us if Serezha and I leave Aristarch's apartment. - Seryozha, wait. Get dressed for now, but I'll be right there - I remembered that I didn't come to the party empty-handed, so I ran into the room to to the best friend and left there my present for him. I hope I made the right decision this time. Returning from the room back to the corridor, my gaze appeared dressed Seryozha, who, it seemed, was already tired of waiting, and he demanded our almost never started banquet. - Well, are you ready? - It's been a long time since, - I just smiled at this, knowing that there might be only joy, adventure and positive emotions ahead of me. Because to meet a person who you liked the hell out of it, and to meet in such a stupid situation, and even with the same name as yours. What could be better? Now, probably, for me - nothing. Yes. And once again I am convinced that darkness is a friend of youth ...

I quickly tear off my clothes,
After all, there is only one desire in my head.
I do not hide my intentions,
I dreamed about this for a long time ...
I enter you and enjoy the passion,
You burn my body with warmth
I'm not afraid of you and I'm not ashamed
Oh, hot water bathroom!

Darkness is the friend of youth.
No face is visible in the dark !!!
- I love you ... - I too ...
- I want you ... - I too ...
- What is your name? - Seryozha ...
- oh, you b * I ... me too ...

Here is a girl in the barber shop
The client zealously cuts her hair.
Spinning at her feet
Big, mustachioed, ginger cat.

The client on the left gets a haircut
And on the left, the cat is like it has grown into the ground.
Here on the right, scissors flicker -
And the red tail is visible on the right.

The client slightly squints at the tail:
"What a learned cat you have ..."
“Scientist!” The girl chuckles.
Yes, he, cholera, is waiting for the ear! "

Got up early this morning - I see a cockroach in the kitchen
This very cockroach brought a glass to his mouth
The one that I left yesterday and put it on the shelf
I shout to him: - STAND, but the glass is already empty
Then I hit the bottom of the glass and slapped the cockroach
Would share with me, would be drunk and alive.

An ancient grandmother lived in a village
Her house stood on the outskirts
I lived out my days little by little
The goat was in the same place with the grandmother.
Grandma loved the goat very much
That goat was stubborn, but not angry,
The most common horned goat,
In general, a normal Russian goat.
I went out the gate early in the morning,
Grazed in the field and chewed grass.
He did a good job of a goat,
But he didn't give milk in any way ...
Granny was upset by this,
She really wanted milk,
That's why I beat the goat
There is a frying pan between the horns.
Will crack on the kumpol and declare:
"Here, I will teach you how to milk !!
This means, it still helps,
Do you hear or not? I want milk! "
The goat looked at the grandmother in amazement,
I was given a miracle, I could not believe my eyes.
Thoughts swarmed in the shaken brain ...
He strained himself a little and said:
"Listen, granny! In your harassment
I don't see the point. What is the reason for them?
Throw away the frying pan, efforts are in vain!
The goats are being milked! And I'm a goat! "
"Oh! You contradict me!" - the grandmother boiled
And she brought a frying pan over him,
And, getting angry, she wounded me very much
With that frying pan, poor goat.
The goat swung to the left, then to the right,
He sighed quietly and folded his hooves ...
The meaning of this fable: DO NOT BE STRAIGHT!
After all, he would have milked, maybe he lived ...

Goby is walking, swinging
Sighs on the go
Why did I get so drunk yesterday
Oh, right now I'm going to fall.
After all, everything just started
From a bottle of wine
Well pulled on a pile
And it ended.
And who brought the champagne
Donkey or boar
Well pulled on a pile
Another friend came.
They took vodka for the meeting
Then another
Well, why did I drink cognac
I don’t understand.
Went in a circle
Well puffed a couple of times
Then to someone in the heat of the moment
I drove right into the eye.
Then they drank for friendship,
For Peace, for Labor, for May
Then some bastard whispered
Take off your panties, take off
Why did I take off
I don't understand now
Why did I get so drunk yesterday
Oh, right now I'm going to fall.

At the dawn of an ancient era
Billions of years ago
Loved the amoeba Vera
Unicellular Kondrat.
And walking in an open field,
He one day on a clear day
To her to the very vacuoles
He stuck his chromosomes.
And that makes it wonderful
And it became comfortable for them ...
So under the squelch of protoplasm
Intimacy arose on Earth.