Why do men stop paying attention to their wives over time?

It’s not for nothing that they say that even the most ardent passion of lovers can easily break down in everyday life. Family life, no matter how you look at it, always involves household chores, over which a man most often does not pay enough attention to his other half. (ReadInattentive husband)

And any woman really wants her husband to pay attention and care, as before...

“Once upon a time, he helped carry heavy bags and tried not to wake him up if he got up earlier, but now he can’t even bring a glass of water without prompting,” someone will sigh sadly.

Why do men stop paying attention to their wives over time? Maybe, most likely, it’s just male egoism or a habit developed by living together. It is quite understandable that a woman begins to get angry and offended by her husband.

If you look at it from a psychological point of view, then in any family someone cares more than others. So it turns out that if a husband stopped caring for his wife, it means that the wife previously cared a lot about him and overdid it.

Now the man is sure that everything is in order and does not even suspect why his wife was offended by him, because before everything was exactly the same and, in his opinion, nothing special has changed in the relationship.

After all, for a very long period of time, the wife tried to take care of her husband, thereby wishing him only the best, and he, in turn, is sure that this is absolutely normal.

Yes, if you look at it, it is considered the norm that a wife should always court her husband, because he is the head of the family.

In general, girls gossip, men just have this nature: they say, I married you, now look after me. After the wedding, a man completely entrusts himself to a woman who should be able to feed him (readWhat to feed a hungry man?) , dress and fulfill all his whims.

By nature, he is an independent person, and he needs a woman only for pleasure and for the birth of children for procreation, here natural instincts are triggered. This is why men stop paying attention to their wives.

True, if a man finds a goal in life, then he will not need a woman, but a woman, on the contrary, needs to become attached to someone and take care of her. This explains her attachment to children.

Alas, nature itself arranged women this way and nothing can be done about it. For a woman, the happiness of all family members is higher than her own peace of mind, so it turns out that we are trying for the good, but it turns out the other way around.

And how can you take care of your wife, give her due attention, because then it turns out that he will lose his authority as the head of the family. After all, if so, then he will also lose the respect of his friends, which for him is tantamount to a loss of authority.

Or maybe you got a mama’s boy, who from early childhood was accustomed to being loved and cherished by everyone. Or maybe he was also the only child in the family and did not know that it could be that he also needed to be taken care of. He simply doesn’t know that he should also show care, since he hasn’t seen any examples, and for him you are associated with his mother, who “blowed away specks of dust” from him. At the beginning of the relationship, the “mama’s boy” did something else and made attempts at courtship, and then over time he stopped paying attention to his wife.

Another way to spoil a man is to want to marry him (read the articleI said I want to get married) . After all, everyone knows that most women really want to get married, so it turns out that they themselves, without knowing it, make their husbands selfish. And according to male logic, it turns out that you did everything for the sake of his beloved, and not in order to obtain the status of a wife.

If a woman wants to change the situation, then she needs to take into account the fact that people do not change, which means that it will not be possible to change something radically. It is best to immediately tell her husband directly what she really wants. Just don’t make yourself a victim and don’t reproach him for giving him your best years.

It’s better to be a confident optimist with certain requirements for your man. He just got used to the fact that you provide him with “services” and now he will be very confused when he discovers that you have stopped helping him unconditionally. For example, if he asked you to iron his jeans in the evening (read the article How to iron with a steam iron), and you answered “I’ll think about it...”, since he himself is capable of this. And immediately announce your “price” for your service, for example, “pour me a mug of tea.” It turns out to be a mutually beneficial barter, everyone takes care of their partner and everyone is happy.

So sooner or later, a husband, if he values ​​his relationship with his wife, learns to listen to her and takes care of her. And then a happy woman, gifted with the attention and care of her husband, will honestly be able to say why she tormented him for so long . (Read alsoHe was inflamed with some kind of frenzied feelings)

In any case, it’s worth a try, and maybe such a compromise will change not only the lives of the immediate participants, but also the lives of those around them.

A few more articles about the relationship between husband and wife:

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Hello! Please help. My husband and I have been living together for 7 years. This is not the first marriage for both me and him. We have a son. Now he is 5.5 years old. The child did not speak until he was 4 years old, so I was forced to quit my job and focus on the development of the child. The problem is that my husband pays very little attention to me. The husband is a self-sufficient, educated person with a high status.
When he comes home from work, I tell him how my son and I spent our day. And when I ask questions regarding his work, I get the answer that he wants to take a break from work at home. Moreover, this answer sounds at any time of the year, month, day of the week, day, etc. On weekdays we eat dinner almost silently and go to bed. On weekends, he sleeps for half a day, then has breakfast, and, if it is winter, then goes on a ski trip. He doesn’t take my son and me with him, because... My son is still skiing slowly. My son and I go skiing together. Then lunch (silently). Quiet time with my husband and son, then a weekend evening with my husband on the couch. And at this time I am studying with my son. We have a lot of tasks from the speech therapist and music teacher. My son needs these activities to develop his speech. In this mode, my life lasts for 7 years. I spin like a squirrel in a wheel, taking care of the child and the household. I basically live the life of a single mom. But my patience has come to an end. The last straw was a New Year's corporate evening at my husband's work. When he went to rest and celebrate the new year with colleagues (accepted without spouses) for the whole day (from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m.) at a rest home.
Before that, in all the years I had never caused a scandal, never quarreled with him, and tried to treat my husband with understanding. And this time I started a scandal. I also want to relax, dress up, feel the holiday, receive congratulations, etc. Moreover, the scandal happened because my husband simply did not want to listen to me again.
He tells me that he does everything to make our family feel good. Now the same thing has happened again with the holiday of March 8th. I tried to talk to him and explain that I am not jealous of his female colleagues. I just need, no less than my colleagues, his attention and care. Does not hear! He doesn’t even let me finish! He starts to get angry and swear that I’ve already bothered him with all this (this is about the New Year’s scandal). He is trying for us! If I don’t like it, then I can pack my suitcase and leave!
I have such a terrible condition. I do not know what to do. There is emptiness, resentment, pain in my soul. I’m forced to live with him because I have nowhere to go, and I understand that I can’t support our special child on my own (rent an apartment, hire a nanny, a speech therapist, etc.) The worst thoughts come to my mind. I constantly want to cry. We are no longer talking about love for my husband. I can’t talk to my husband, there are no intermediaries, and he won’t listen to them either.

Yana, Moscow, 43 years old

Family psychologist's answer:

Hello, Yana.

You have a very comprehensive request, so I will divide it into blocks that are important for you to pay attention to. Firstly, I would like to clarify the situation, has your husband always behaved this way towards you or did this behavior appear after some event? Has his social status and work changed during your life together? Because if he was different before, then it would be good for you to find a reason and understanding of when he changed, at what moment, what could provoke his indifference and reluctance to make contact. Secondly, you write that after returning home, your husband listens to information from you about the day he spent with the child, but does not want to answer your questions about his work. I can note that there is nothing criminal in his behavior, for the simple reason that he may really get tired at work and want to disconnect from it at home, where he comes to rest and relax. You are persistently trying to return his attention to work. The main thing is that you understand this mechanism; it is more characteristic of men. Stop clarifying and clarifying his affairs; if he has a desire to talk about work, he will raise this topic himself. The fact that your time together passes in silence signals that you have no common interests, there is nothing that can connect you and attract you to each other. I would venture to guess that your husband is not very interested in listening to everyday information from you. I understand that you are forced to care for your child and devote as much time as possible to him. But I also want to emphasize that you should keep a part of your life for yourself. You are completely immersed in the role of mother and housewife. Do you think your husband might be interested in a woman playing these roles? Or did he marry a woman, a wife, first of all? Try to analyze what attracted you to each other in the first place? What attracted you to your husband? What does he mean to you? What have you lost in your relationship that has led you to de facto cohabitation rather than warm family relationships? Also in this same block I would like to draw your attention to the fact that sometimes a man needs silence, he needs to immerse himself and be able not to delve into problems or conversations. Try changing your traditions daily. What if you were silent and didn’t say anything about your affairs and concerns for a couple of evenings? Try it, sometimes this exercise works, and a man, on the contrary, begins to pay more attention when a woman suddenly becomes silent and does not make contact. Thirdly, do not reproach your husband with his work. You won't get anything more than irritation in response. For a man, work is a sacred cow. It is thanks to her that he has the opportunity to support his family, ensure your well-being and the opportunity to be close to the child, help him overcome the difficulties of development. You write that you also want to put on an elegant dress and “go out into the world”, renouncing everyday life. But I don’t understand what’s stopping you from doing this. Surely once a month you can find someone who will sit with your child in the evening so that you have the opportunity to have dinner together somewhere or spend the evening as you would like. Perhaps you are waiting for your husband to take initiative in this regard, if so, then try to take the situation into your own hands. Invite him somewhere, get yourself in order, dress the way you want. Spend dinner talking about anything but your child or your husband's work. Refresh your relationship, bring newness and surprise into it. Perhaps, in this situation, your husband will again see in you, first of all, the woman he loves, and he will once again have a desire to look after you, to show attention and initiative. And finally, I want to support you, you are tired of caring for a child, tired of everyday life. But it’s worth thinking about the fact that you have a family, you have a husband who is really trying to make sure that you don’t have worries in material terms - and this is truly a very important element in life. You are angry at your husband, at his lack of interest in you. Try to redirect your energy from him to yourself. Try to figure out how you can combine child care with your life as a woman, as an individual. Remember your desires, interests, hobbies, watch your husband, he probably has an interest that you can try to share with him. Start to change somehow, find the woman in you, perhaps this is what your family relationships are missing. Good luck!

Sincerely, Ekaterina Kondratieva.

With the problem of lack of sufficient attention from father many have encountered. During your pregnancy, the future father surrounds you with warmth and every care, making sure that you are always comfortable, healthy and calm. And the day a child is born is a moment of great joy for both you and him. But now, this day has passed, and now you notice that the father pays almost no attention to either you or the child. He has become distant, has stopped communicating, is restrained in his emotions, you feel how he is distancing himself from you.

In combination with postpartum depression, with difficult first days of breastfeeding baby, establishing breastfeeding, a severe lack of routine, and all this against the backdrop of a recent birth - can significantly cripple a woman psychologically. She begins to be haunted by very bad thoughts that the birth of a child was a mistake, and because of these thoughts she also begins to feel guilty. But should you worry? What can this father’s position even say?

Perhaps you just need to give your husband some time. For him birth of a child- almost the same stress as for you. When a person is overwhelmed with all sorts of complex emotions, his psyche sometimes does wonderful things, but more often than not it simply shuts down tightly so as not to accept any more disturbing signals from the outside. So don’t rush to conclusions, give your father some time.

Besides, men Very little attention is always paid to small children. A woman's maternal instinct is very strong, and it turns on at full capacity already at the moment when the child is first brought to the mother and allowed to be held in her arms. But nature has not programmed such a mechanism in men, so at first they do not have the need to often be with the child, play with him and baby him. They need some time to establish an attachment with their child. And with children who are too young, they are still bored. The process of parenting by fathers is perceived more as mentoring, rather than teaching such basic things as crawling on a bed.

It is possible that your man I'm just overloaded with work. It happens that young fathers have to work a lot to adequately support a mother and child. And, returning home, he cannot even rest properly, since the screams of a dissatisfied baby are almost constantly heard in the apartment.

There are frequent manifestations of jealousy on the part of fathers. Previously, your family consisted of two people, and you all belonged only to your husband, but now, perhaps, he feels abandoned and abandoned. This manifests itself in his sexual life, because he has already gone without sex for quite a long time, and in the emotional sphere. Husbands experience emotional betrayal even more acutely at times; they begin to blame you for the fact that you have completely stopped paying attention to you, and this dissatisfaction, unfortunately, sometimes spills over onto the child.

Another probable explanation what was happening - it was customary in your husband’s family to behave this way. This no longer applies only to the period when the child is still just a newborn baby. But also in cases where the father, as it seems to you, pays insufficient attention to his already relatively adult child and does not spend time with him. We adopt all our behavioral standards from our family. And each of us was raised in our own, unique, in our own way, family. Often, some features of the behavior of the future spouse remain unknown until a certain moment. Well, in such a situation, you will most likely have to put up with your husband’s character traits.

In general, for modern women It is common to expect too much from your own in terms of relationships with children. Just recently, no one asked such questions at all. Fathers have traditionally not been responsible for paying attention to their children. Ask the old-timers, and they will confirm (those of them who even had fathers) that the rare days spent “with dad” were valuable and magical moments that were remembered for a lifetime. This distance, by the way, is not so bad - it makes the father more loved, authoritative and important for the child. And he always listens to his word more than to his mother’s.

If you want to husband still paid a little more attention to you and the child, you, of course, can do something. The main thing is to remember that insults and accusations are not the answer! Under no circumstances try to resolve the situation in a way that is popular among many wives: pouting, boycotts, insults, or constant reproaches. But in this way you only aggravate an already unpleasant situation for you and spoil your relationship with your husband. And a damaged relationship between mother and father - it is always the child who ultimately suffers from them.

So talk to husband calmly. Find a moment when you are both in a good mood, sit down and simply express your grievances in as gentle a manner as possible. Emphasize that you are not “pushing”, and understand that he is not out of malice. But you would simply be glad and happy to see how he spends more time working with the child.

Also learn to delicately and unobtrusively remind father that he had not performed his fatherly duties for a long time. It is best to do this in a good-natured and humorous manner, and in no case in a mentoring tone.
The most The main thing- never reproach the father in the presence of the child. The authority of the father is the wealth of any family. He will save the child from many troubles more than once, so take care of him now. For a child, dad should always be the smartest, the strongest, the most loving - the best.

Quite recently, the woman felt on the threshold of a new happy life, but now it seems to her that there are only ruins around. And all because her husband does not pay attention to her. And this is the person to whom she herself entrusted her own destiny. Why situations happen when a husband does not pay attention to his wife, and how to get out of them, we will look into this article.

Why did my husband stop paying attention?

Below we will look at possible options and in each case we will discuss how to correct the situation and attract the attention of your husband.

So, situation one - the husband is completely focused on something else

This woman can do ten things at once and still keep her baby in sight. Men are created differently. And if a promising opportunity comes his way, he will concentrate all his time and volitional resources on it. But at this time the wife does not have enough attention from her husband, and she sounds the alarm.

What should I do? Show that you can be a reliable partner. Don't look for ways to attract your husband's attention. Create ideal conditions for the implementation of his plans. And then the husband’s attention will definitely return, increased tenfold by gratitude for understanding and patience.

Situation two: the husband stopped paying attention in the intimate sphere

There could be two reasons:

• he has problems with men's health;
• the wife has gone too far from her former image.

The first can happen to anyone, it’s stupid to blame a man. As for appearance, sometimes a woman lets her unseemly habits go unreasonably far into freedom. For example, gluttony or untidiness. In these cases, everyone understands why the husband does not pay attention.

What should I do? In both cases, only your patience and efforts will answer the question of how to get your husband’s attention. It can be difficult for men to decide to turn to specialists - help him with this, be there. And vice versa - do not hesitate to ask your husband for help in working on yourself. Redistributing family responsibilities and budgets can free up time and resources to change your wife's lifestyle. At this stage, it is important to maintain friendly, trusting relationships - they can still become the basis for new marital passions.

Situation three: the wife is no longer interested in her husband as a person

Sometimes a couple moves too far away from each other. For example, the husband continued his active social life, and the wife devoted herself exclusively to children and everyday life. At some point, the husband sees in front of him a woman who is indifferent to him, whose interests and way of life are far from him. And the wife complains that her husband pays little attention. The fact that she tried to be a “proper” wife and mistress for him does not change anything.

What should I do? To some extent, fairy tales about Cinderellas, who expected all the best from the prince, are to blame. But it’s never too late to think about your own realization. Your own affairs, plans, even the smallest successes - this is the answer to how to attract your husband’s attention. No magic, just psychology: this woman, shining in the fullness of life, is magnificent, you want to enjoy her company every minute!

Situation four: the husband has a mistress

Sometimes this is precisely what is indicated by the fact that the husband has stopped paying attention. Even a completely loving husband can create such a critical situation for the family. A moment of weakness, the influence of alcohol, a misunderstanding can lead to the appearance of another woman in his life. This is not to mention a mature intention. This explanation of why a husband does not pay attention to his wife is the most unpleasant.

What should I do? Don’t fight the fever and decide on a further strategy: get your husband back, leave him, or focus on your own life? Even in this situation, there are ways to regain your husband’s attention. For example, you can use the time for yourself while he is focused on a new relationship. Restore your “I” from the broken “We”. Sports, psychotherapy, recreation, realizing your own talents, etc. will help you improve your weaknesses. The result will be the acquisition of a new taste for life. One day, the husband's epiphany is guaranteed. Perhaps his attention will increase, but it is not a fact that it will still be needed.

The relationship between a man and a woman, a husband and a wife, involves equal contributions. But sometimes in practice this does not work out. If one gives everything and the other only takes, nothing good will come of it. If a husband does not pay attention to his wife, what to do in such a situation?

The most valuable thing in a relationship is to appreciate everyone’s contribution and cherish it. Lucky are those who have a parental example before their eyes. At the subconscious level, it is “recorded” and subsequently “reproduced”. Another valuable skill is flexibility, which allows partners to adapt to each other.

There are many reasons why your husband may lose interest in you.

Reason #1: husband is busy with something else

This woman can do ten things at once and still keep her baby in sight. Men are created differently. And if a promising opportunity comes his way, he will concentrate all his time and volitional resources on it. But at this time the wife does not have enough attention from her husband, and she sounds the alarm.

Reason No. 2: the husband has cooled off in the intimate sphere

There could be two reasons:

• he has problems with men's health;
• the wife has gone too far from her former image.

The first can happen to anyone, it’s stupid to blame a man. As for appearance, sometimes a woman lets her unseemly habits go unreasonably far into freedom. For example, gluttony or untidiness. In these cases, everyone understands why the husband does not pay attention.

Reason #3: He is no longer interested in you as a person.

Sometimes a couple moves too far away from each other. For example, the husband continued his active social life, and the wife devoted herself exclusively to children and everyday life. At some point, the husband sees in front of him a woman who is indifferent to him, whose interests and way of life are far from him. And the wife complains that her husband pays little attention. The fact that she tried to be a “proper” wife and mistress for him does not change anything.

Reason #4: mistress

Sometimes this is precisely what is indicated by the fact that the husband has stopped paying attention. Even a completely loving husband can create such a critical situation for the family. A moment of weakness, the influence of alcohol, a misunderstanding can lead to the appearance of another woman in his life. This is not to mention a mature intention.

If my husband doesn't pay attention, what should I do?

So, the reasons why the husband moved away have been clarified. Now you can start conquering it again. And you have to start with yourself, this applies to appearance, actions, skills, habits, etc.

In the hustle and bustle of household chores, many women stop taking care of themselves. They usually say that there is simply no time left for themselves, but at the same time there is time for numerous snacks and phone conversations with friends.

Perhaps the reason for this attitude of your husband is that he no longer sees you as a woman. Men are very demanding of their significant other, they want cleanliness, comfort, cutlets, salads, ironed shirts, clean socks and passion, sexuality in one form. Well, you have to try, otherwise another one will lure you.

Don’t meet your husband in a stretched dressing gown; now you can buy special comfortable clothes for the house. We need to find a common activity. If you have children, you can spend the weekend with the whole family. Moreover, if your husband fishes, then you should try yourself as a fisherman.

It might make sense to talk about your problem. What if there is a logical explanation for it?

How to stay interesting to your husband:

Psychologist Irina Lebed advises:

How to always look beautiful and well-groomed: