Childhood aggression is a common phenomenon. Sometimes parents don’t know what caused it to appear. But you shouldn't be surprised. Most of the reasons that a child grows up aggressive can be found in society itself. Just take video games and television: there is violence, fights and robberies all around.

2. Parents, if they do not want their children to be brawlers and bullies, must themselves control their own aggressive impulses.

3. Under no circumstances should a child’s manifestation of aggression be suppressed, otherwise suppressed aggressive impulses can cause serious harm to his health. Teach him to express his hostile feelings in a socially acceptable way: in words or in drawings, modeling, or with the help of toys, or actions that are harmless to others, in sports. Translating a child's feelings from actions into words will allow him to learn that he can talk about them, and not necessarily immediately give them to the eye. Also, the child will gradually master the language of his feelings and it will be easier for him to tell you that he is offended, upset, angry, etc., rather than trying to attract your attention with his terrible behavior.

4. If a child is capricious, angry, screaming, throwing fists at you - hug him, hold him close to you. Gradually he will calm down and come to his senses. Over time, he will need less and less time to calm down. In addition, such hugs perform several important functions: for a child, it means that you are able to withstand his aggression, and, therefore, his aggression can be restrained and he will not destroy what he loves; the child gradually learns the ability to restrain and can make it internal and thus control his aggression himself. Later, when he has calmed down, you can talk to him about his feelings. But in no case should you read moral teachings during such a conversation, just

5. To prevent your child from growing up aggressive, respect the personality in your child, consider his opinion, take his feelings seriously. Provide your child with sufficient freedom and independence for which the child will be responsible. At the same time, show him that if necessary, if he asks, you are ready to give advice or help. A child should have his own territory, his own side of life, into which adults are allowed to enter only with his consent. It is a mistaken opinion of some parents that their children should not have any secrets from them. It is unacceptable to rummage through his things, read letters, eavesdrop on telephone conversations, spy! If a child trusts you, sees you as an older friend and comrade, he will tell you everything himself, ask for advice if he considers it necessary.

6. Show your child the ultimate ineffectiveness of aggressive behavior. Explain to him that even if at first he achieves a benefit for himself, for example, he takes away another child’s favorite toy, then subsequently none of the children will want to play with him, and he will remain in splendid isolation. It is unlikely that he will be seduced by such a prospect. Tell us also about such negative consequences of aggressive behavior as the inevitability of punishment, the return of evil, etc.

7. It is necessary to provide the child with the opportunity to receive emotional release in games, sports, etc. You can have a special “angry pillow” to relieve stress. If the child feels irritated, he can beat this pillow.

8. It is also very important to clarify and set boundaries. Consistency is necessary here: you should not evaluate the same child’s action differently depending on your mood. The system of restrictions and prohibitions must be clear and stable; the stability of the child’s inner life depends on this.

9. It is better to prepare for some important events in a child’s life in advance. If you have to make your first visit to a doctor or kindergarten, try to provide for all possible nuances, taking into account the capabilities and characteristics of the child.

Child aggression can be fought, and besides, it can be completely prevented if you are attentive to the child, his feelings and desires. Psychologist Inga Voitko gave advice on how to do this effectively, let there be no problems in your family!

What is aggression?

Aggression, to one degree or another, is inherent in every person, as it is an instinctive form of behavior, the main purpose of which is self-defense and survival in the world. Aggression can manifest itself physically(hit) and verbally(violating the rights of another person without physical intervention) .

Aggressive behavior in children is a kind of signal"sos" , a cry for help, for attention to one’s inner world, in which too many destructive emotions have accumulated that the child cannot cope with on his own.

How does aggressive behavior manifest itself in preschool children?

Aggressive behavior in preschool children is always expressed in different ways. And this behavior can be divided into severalspecies :

1. External aggression - it is directed at surrounding people, animals, toys. The child may scream, call names, threaten, and tease others. He can also express his aggression with gestures - threaten with his fist or finger, grimace, mimic. In addition to verbal and gestural aggression, a child can also turn physical, that is, he can bite, scratch, fight, pinch, or push.

2. Internal aggression - this aggression is directed at the child himself. He may bite his nails, bang his head against the wall, bite his lips, pull out his eyelashes or eyebrows.

Both the first and second types of aggression must be taken seriously. Try to understand why it appeared, and then correct aggressive behavior in children.

What does this child behavior mean and where does it come from?

How can you teach your child to express dissatisfaction and anger safely for themselves and others?

Reasons for aggressive behavior:

Central nervous system disease

Feelings of fear, distrust of the world around us, threatening the child’s safety;

The child’s encounter with non-fulfillment of his desires, prohibitions on satisfying certain needs;

Defending your personality, territory, gaining independence and independence.

Aggressive behavior in a child can be caused by various reasons, but they are all similar in that they cause feelings of anger or discomfort in the child. And the baby shows these emotions as best he can. It is not at all easy for him to cope with them.

Streamline the system of requirements, monitor your actions, showing personal(positive) example.

Maintain discipline and follow the established rules.

Let your child know that you love him for who he is.

Use your own example to teach your child self-control.

Channel his energy into something positive.bed : to sports, where a child can learn to control emotions and manage their behavior(boxing, wushu, drawing, singing, swimming, running) .

When presenting your demands to your child, take into account his capabilities, not your desires.

Ignore slight manifestations of aggressiveness, do not focus the attention of others on them.

Include your child in joint activities, emphasize his importance in the task at hand.

Establish a strict ban on the manifestation of aggression in cases where aggression, not being a defensive reaction, serves as a kind of"entertainment" .

Teach your child to feel sorry for others. He must understand that his behavior causes grief and causes suffering to loved ones.

Never make your child forget that he is kind (tellto him : “Why are you doing this, because you are good, kind!” ).

If a child has a need to throw out aggressive emotions, you can ask him to sing his favorite song loudly, run several circles near the house or around the garden, throw a ball against the wall, or tear up paper.

If the prevention of aggressive behavior in children is carried out constantly, then the child may not be affected by aggression.

You need to monitor the content of the films and cartoons that your child watches.

Monitor your child’s friends and their behavior. And also get acquainted with the games that children play.

Develop love and friendly relationships with brothers and sisters.

And the main thing is to love and understand your child.

Dear parents, I bring to your attention games that will help you relieve stress in your child.(lose with parents)

Games to reduce a child's aggressiveness.

"Toy in the fist" .

(The game helps relieve tension and switches to positive emotions).

Ask your child to close his eyes. Give the child some beautiful toy or candy. Now ask him to clench his fist very, very tightly and hold it there for a while. After this, let the child open the handle and see a beautiful toy.

"Bag of Wrath"

( "Bag of Wrath" should be used every time the child is angry with someone)

Start a house"bag of anger" so that the child can use it to express his aggressive emotions. To do this, take an ordinary balloon, but instead of inflating it, pour flour, sand or some small grain into it(about half a glass) . Then tie the ball tightly. Now introduce your child to a new toy. You can throw it, hit it against a wall or a table.

"Tuh-tibi-doh"

(When a child is tense and angry with someone) .

You need to walk around the room and say one thing as angrily as possiblephrase : "Tuh-tibi-doh" .

Encourage your child to say this phrase as aggressively as possible, expressing all his anger and tension in it. You will see that the exercise has borne fruit when the child can no longer say this phrase with anger, it will be funny for him.

"Hour"Can" , "Hour of Silence"

(This game gives the child the opportunity, as a reward for his volitional efforts, to relieve accumulated tension in the way he likes, and the adult - to control his behavior and sometimes get what he desires when communicating with hyperactive children"hour of silence" ).

Agree with your child that when he is doing something important (or you need to work quietly), there will be"hour of silence" . During this time, the child can read, draw, play, listen to the player or do something else very quietly. But then it will come"one hour is possible" when he will be allowed to do whatever he wants. Promise not to scold your child if his behavior is not dangerous to health or to others.

Note. The described game hours can be alternated during one day, or postponed until another day. So that the neighbors don't go crazy"An hour is possible" , it is better to organize it in the forest or in the country, where you will not feel guilty for disturbing other people.

To combat aggression you need:

Patience. This is the greatest virtue there can be.

Explanation. Tell your child what interesting things he can do.

Encouragement. Praising your child for good behavior will make him want to hear that praise again.

Our next meeting is coming to an end. I would like it to be useful for you, to provoke thought and a desire to build relationships in your family in your own way.

Remember"golden" ruleseducation :

Learn to listen and hear your child.

Try to make sure that only you relieve his emotional stress.

Don't stop your children from expressing negative emotions.

Learn to accept and love him for who he is.

Aggressive behavior is unmotivated damage to people, animals or objects. The key word here is “unmotivated.” A child strives to break objects, spoil things, quarrel with others, not because his offense is connected with them, but for purely internal reasons, not related to these objects and people. And parents cannot derive a rational explanation for such behavior from specific situations. Meanwhile, this reason exists, but it lies much deeper than the momentary situation.
Psychologists have two main hypotheses that explain children's aggression. Both of them are associated with the child’s emotional instability, which has developed under the influence of the family’s parenting style. The child does not have the opportunity to respond fully, like an adult, to the actions of his elders, which he experiences as unfair. Therefore, he directs his aggression towards other objects that are safer for him - other children, less protected relatives (for example, a grandmother or younger brother), animals, plants or simply inanimate objects.
The first hypothesis explaining the appearance of aggression in a preschooler is associated with excessively stringent demands placed on the child at home. A survey of parents was conducted on how it is customary to punish children in their family. The answers were conditionally divided into two groups. The first group included those families where parents do not consider it shameful to put a child in a corner, spank him, or deprive him of his favorite treat - all this refers to harsh punishment. The second group included families where parents try not to react to the “wrong” behavior of children or convince them, switch to other actions - that is, use soft measures of influence on children. It turned out that children's aggressiveness is higher in families that adhere to harsh punishment measures. However, this does not apply to all children, but only... girls. So it is dangerous to punish girls harshly - they immediately take out the evil that they receive from adults in any suitable situation. So much for the weaker sex! It also makes no sense to punish boys harshly - this has little effect on their behavior, which, to a much greater extent than that of girls, is determined by internal reasons.
The second hypothesis about the causes of children's aggressiveness is that aggressiveness can be shown by children living in an environment of emotional coldness. Let me explain what this means. Often, aggressiveness is generated not so much by dissatisfaction with others, but by dissatisfaction with oneself, a lack of self-love (you must admit that this is a very common phenomenon among us adults). How does a child confirm his own importance, the fact that he is loved by his loved ones? First of all, through their approval, praise, expressed in words or simply by gesture. There are a lot of families where the child does not seem to be punished, but at the same time is not encouraged in any way. A sort of “ice house” where a little person can only guess whether he is loved or not.
To test this hypothesis, a survey of parents was again conducted, after which all responses were again divided into two groups. The first group included those families where children are praised only for visible achievements: for learning something, learning something specific, helping their mother, etc. The second group included parents who did not forget to express their admiration for the child with or without reason. Just because they have it. So, the connection between aggressiveness and the lack of constant emotional reward turned out to be much stronger than it seemed before the experiment. Moreover, this applies to both boys and girls equally. The lack of emotion of parents, the spiritual emptiness in which a child is forced to live, is a much stronger stimulator of aggressiveness than harsh punishment. Parents have a lot to think about.
We bring to your attention a test that shows the level of aggressiveness of your child. This test is intended only for preschool children. Read the questions and answer yes or no. If the question is difficult, then remember how it happens more often.
1. Can you say that your child is not more aggressive than other children?
2. Is it true that your child does not break toys?
3. Is it true that your child does not break things (he explores them, not spoils them)?
4. Is it true that even in a bad mood your child does not throw objects on the floor?
5. Does it happen that, in irritation, your child may swing and hit someone?
6. Is it true that your child will never tear off a leaf or flower from a houseplant?
7. Can you be sure that on the street, when approaching a dog or cat, your child will not deliberately step on it or pinch it?
8. Is it true that he will never offend an insect?
9. Do you notice that when playing with a loved one (grandmother, sister), a child can cause him unexpected pain?
10. When playing with weaker children, does your child always balance his strength?
11. Is it true that when playing with dolls, your child can gouge out their eyes, tear off their arms or legs?
12. Is it true that your child’s characteristic play technique is “cutting” ears, hair, “extra” parts of dolls and other toys?
13. Is it true that your child, even in anger or irritation, does not break dishes?
14. Does it happen that when no one can see your child, he pinches, pulls the hair or bites another child?
15. Is it true that when looking at a book, he can tear out a page?
16. Is it true that while drawing, your child often breaks the lead of a pencil by pressing hard?
17. Does it happen that when you are close to another child, your child pushes and shoves him?
18. Does it happen that in response to comments from adults, your child uses swear words?
19. Does he sometimes use profanity in quarrels with other children?
20. Does it happen that, out of resentment, your child often goes to another room, hits a pillow, walls, furniture?
Now compare your answers with the Key below and count how many answers match.

1 no 2 no 3 no 4 no 5 yes
6 no 7 no 8 no 9 yes 10 no
11 yes 12 yes 13 no 14 yes 15 yes
16 yes 17 yes 18 yes 19 yes 20 yes
0 - 5 points. You don't have to worry about your child's aggressiveness. Think better about whether your child can always defend himself in difficult situations, is he not the target of the aggressiveness of other children?
6 - 12 points This is the average indicator of aggressiveness inherent in most preschool children. Try to understand in what situations it manifests itself and eliminate or modify these situations.
13 or more points. Most likely, you are not treating your child correctly. If you cannot understand what exactly causes your child’s aggressiveness, then it is better to figure it out together with a psychologist.

What is he like, an aggressive child? Such a child loses control over himself and argues with adults. With peers he can be rude and ruthless. He does not admit mistakes, and tries to shift his blame onto others. Typically, aggressive children are vindictive, envious, wary and suspicious.

An aggressive child uses every opportunity to push or hit someone, destroy or break something. His behavior is often provocative: he is ready to anger his mother, teacher or peers in order to provoke an aggressive response. The little bully will not calm down until the adult “explodes” and the surrounding children get into a fight.

The bully will deliberately dress more slowly, refuse to put away toys, or wash his hands. And when he hears his mother’s scream or receives a slap, he will be ready to cry. He will calm down only when his mother consoles and caresses him. This method of obtaining attention is original and absurd, but it is the only mechanism for “exiting” emotional overstrain and accumulated internal anxiety.

Causes of aggressive behavior in children

The reasons that provoke aggressive behavior are very real. Identifying them is a primary task, because ignoring the source of the problem will significantly reduce the chances of fighting the child’s anger.

Family situation

Very often, aggression in children manifests itself as a result of discord in the family. There can be many options. The main ones:

• Rejection of children by parents. According to statistics, unwanted children are more susceptible to attacks of aggression. Even in the case when the parents do not directly tell the baby that they did not want him to be born, he is able to feel this. An unwanted child tries to prove that he has the right to exist. Such a baby needs parental affection, and he tries to win it, often using aggressive methods. No recommendations will help correct the behavior of the baby if he does not feel the love of the people closest to him.
• Parental indifference or hostility. It happens that mom and dad blame the child for their troubles. Most often, this is undeserved, and the baby tries to attract attention with aggressive behavior.
• Destruction of emotional connections. When parents constantly argue, and family life is like a volcano, ready to erupt every minute, the existence of a child becomes a real test. The baby is in constant tension and suffers from conflicts between the people closest to him. Often, as a result, the child becomes hard-hearted, becoming an excellent manipulator who is confident that the world around him is indebted to him. Accordingly, a situation where it is necessary to sacrifice something is received with hostility by the little one and causes the manifestation of aggressive behavior.
• Disrespect for the child's personality. Tactless, incorrect criticism, humiliating and offensive remarks can awaken not only an angry reaction, but also undisguised rage. In addition, such treatment of a child can give rise to serious complexes and cause uncertainty, as a result of which passive aggression directed at oneself will be added to active manifestations of anger.
• Control over the child. Excessive control (as well as its complete absence) leads to the child’s attempts to defend his “I”. In this case, an aggressive form of defense is often used. Such a child is accustomed to looking at the world skeptically and not trusting others.

"Personal reasons

Such causes of childhood aggression are associated with the psycho-emotional state of the child. The most common ones are:

• Subconscious expectation of danger. Quite often, a child’s behavior is dictated by fear. When a baby is scared, it is difficult for him to understand who among those around him is a friend and who is an enemy. And at this moment a defensive reaction in the form of aggression is activated.
• Emotional instability often becomes the cause of a child's angry behavior. Children under seven years of age are especially susceptible to this, because they are emotional, and their mood changes under the influence of poor health or simple fatigue. When a child’s manifestations of negative emotions or irritation are considered unacceptable and are suppressed as much as possible by parents, the result can be unmotivated outbursts of children’s anger. In this case, the object of the child’s aggression is not the “offender”, but everything that comes to hand (toys, a flowerpot, a small kitten).
• Self-dissatisfaction is often caused by a lack of emotional parental encouragement. Such a child is not taught to love and respect himself. And when a person (even a small one) does not love himself, he is not able to love others. In this case, a defiant attitude towards the world around him is quite logical on his part.
• Guilt. A child experiencing a feeling of shame or guilt often redirects his own negative emotions towards the one he offended.

Situational reasons

Children's aggression can be caused by a certain situation in which the baby finds himself. For example:

• Overwork, poor health. A particularly impressionable child may produce an aggressive reaction due to general, emotional or nervous fatigue. If the baby has had enough sleep and feels great, he, as a rule, reacts quite calmly even to the most provocative situation.
• The influence of food. Nervousness, anxiety, and aggressiveness of a child can be caused by excessive consumption of chocolate. In addition, the influence of blood cholesterol levels on the tendency to anger has been proven - the lower this level, the greater the likelihood of attacks of aggression in a person. So there is no need to limit your intake of fat too much (within reasonable limits, of course).
• Environmental factors. If it seems to you that your baby is showing increased aggressiveness, evaluate the situation around you: noise, vibration, heat or excessive crowding often become the cause of excessive irritability. Very often, children living near busy highways or train tracks are more aggressive than their peers living in quiet, calm areas.

Temperament

The type of temperament also relates to the reasons for the manifestation of childhood aggression. Temperament is a constant and unchanging characteristic. There are no recommendations for correcting it; it is impossible to change temperament. However, learning to use both its positive and negative sides is quite possible. There are only four types of temperament:

1. melancholic;
2. phlegmatic;
3. sanguine people;
4. choleric people.

• Melancholic children suffer from stress caused by any innovation or any competition. They are sensitive, vulnerable and least of all prone to angry attacks. But passive aggression is a distinctive feature of melancholic people.
• Phlegmatic people are also not aggressive. Their nervous system is so balanced that even serious problems rarely make them angry. In addition, a phlegmatic child is not at all prone to passive aggression.
• A sanguine person gives preference to resolving any, even the most conflicting situations, peacefully. A child with this type of temperament needs change; he loves new places, faces, and sensations. Aggressive behavior of a sanguine person is possible when he is convinced that the problem cannot be solved calmly. But a feeling of guilt or awareness of responsibility for mistakes can “drive” him into passive aggressiveness.
• Choleric people have a natural tendency to express anger and rage. This occurs due to their extreme nervous and emotional imbalance. Choleric children are irritable and hot-tempered. As a rule, they do things first and then think about what they should do. In addition to active aggression, they are also characterized by passive aggression, which can lead to a persistent depressive state.

Socio-biological reasons

It is absolutely natural that boys are much more likely than girls to display active aggression. In our society, stereotypes have become stronger that a man simply must be strong and, as a result, aggressive. Boys often behave defiantly so as not to be an outcast among their friends.

Often, children's aggression is caused by social reasons: prejudices, value systems and attitudes of adults who matter to him. For example, a child from a family in which the attitude towards people depends on their position in society is able to restrain himself in front of the teacher, but without a twinge of conscience he will be rude to the cleaning lady or janitor. And if in a family everything is measured by the amount of money, then even a small child can be disrespectful and aggressive towards those who earn little.

Age-related features of the manifestation of childhood aggression

Initially, a child is a friendly creature. Whatever the conditions surrounding it, the first social phenomenon will be a smile. When a baby grows up in an atmosphere of mutual understanding and love, there are very few prerequisites for the emergence of persistent aggressive behavior. Like fear, aggression in children arises due to the fact that the child’s basic sense of trust in the world around him has simply not been formed.

From zero to a year

Already from the first months, the baby is able to make it clear that he is dissatisfied with any actions of the adult. He screams, cries, grimaces. Over time, the baby gains control of his body and accompanies negative emotions with movements of his arms and legs. And later, kicking, throwing toys and other demonstrative forms of behavior are added to such manifestations of aggression.

In infancy, it is not uncommon for a child to react with anger towards his mother. The reason for this behavior is directly related to the mother’s attitude towards her responsibilities.

If caring for a baby is accompanied by outright irritation (“this diaper again!”, “When will this end?”), the baby will probably take on the negativity and show aggression.

From one to two years

After a year, the baby’s activity increases. As a rule, he begins to walk, as a result of which research opportunities expand. And aggression manifests itself precisely in the sphere of communication, learning and mastering basic rules of behavior.

At this age, aggression in children is associated with the inconsistency of mom and dad. If a fidget is introduced to the rules of behavior “according to its mood” or is allowed to do whatever it pleases, the baby will not develop the basic concepts of “don’ts.” And when these “don’ts” suddenly appear, he can react violently to it.

Two to three years

Children two to three years old strive for independence. Often they are determined to defend theirs against the will of their parents. At this age, the baby does not understand the pain of others and is not able to put himself in the place of another, which becomes the cause of aggression and even child cruelty.

Typically, a child of two or three years old enters kindergarten, where he begins to learn how to interact with peers. Conflicts between children most often arise due to the desire to possess a toy. And if parents and educators are intolerant of the manifestation of open aggression, the result is the formation of symbolic forms of aggressiveness (whining, stubbornness, snorting, disobedience).

Preschool children

Aggressive children of three or four years old are distinguished by the phenomenon of “transfer”: the child does not dare to openly pour out his anger on his parents, and something more harmless becomes the object of anger.

The behavior of children five to six years old often contradicts generally accepted norms and can lead to physical and moral harm to others.

Often, the aggressive behavior of preschool children is due to the nature of socialization: the child strives to imitate adults. Seeing the furious attacks of his elders, he copies them. If at this stage such behavior is not stopped or, moreover, supported by others, the little bully will very soon consciously begin to behave inappropriately.

How to overcome aggression in a child

Aggressive behavior in preschool children is not uncommon, but during this period it is still possible to avoid transforming aggressiveness into a stable character trait. And if you miss the moment, problems may arise in the future that will stand in the way of personality development and prevent the child from revealing his individual potential. Aggressive children need help because their tendency to anger distorts their understanding of the surrounding reality and makes them see only neglect and hostility around them.

An aggressive child causes a lot of problems for family members, and raising him is not an easy task. However, there are a number of recommendations designed to help parents pacify their bully:

1. build a system of requirements, show your child a positive example;
2. follow the established rules, maintain discipline;
3. let your baby know that you love him for who he is;
4. always take into account the baby’s ability to fulfill your requirements;
5. direct excess energy into peaceful channels (sports clubs, singing, drawing);
6. mild manifestations of aggressiveness must be ignored, without drawing the attention of others;
7. involve your child in joint activities, do not forget to emphasize the significance of his contribution to the common cause;
8. establish a ban on aggression if its manifestation is not a defensive reaction, but a kind of entertainment for the baby;
9. aggressive children do not understand what pity is - it is necessary to convey to them that excessive anger brings suffering to loved ones;
10. if a child needs to throw out negative emotions, choose a suitable game or activity for him;
11. try to restrain the child’s angry impulses immediately before the manifestation (shout out, intercept the hand raised to strike);
12. aggressive children violently express negative emotions - teach your child to throw out negativity in a more acceptable form (first by transferring rage from a living object to an inanimate one, and then by verbally expressing their feelings).

Games and activities for aggressive children

To help your child cope with his aggressiveness, you can use art therapy. Give your child a large sheet of paper with a pencil and ask them to draw squiggles. By the degree of sweep and intensity of pressure, you will notice how the tension disappears. Then the “evil” piece of paper can be torn.

Come up with some fantastic ferocious animal and draw it. A piece of paper with a drawing - a kind of “sheet of anger” - will need to be crumpled and thrown away in a fit of rage. Such an exercise will allow the child to learn that aggression can be transferred to something allowed, and not to others.

Fairytale therapy is also used in the fight against anger. Sometimes, in the process of reading psychological fairy tales, a child experiences a “revolution in consciousness.” When a child tries to help a fairy-tale hero solve some problem, he learns to overcome his problems himself.

Special games are widely used to correct aggressive behavior.

For example:

• Sparrow fights (to eliminate physical aggression). Children break into pairs and transform into “fighting sparrows” (clasping their knees with their hands and squatting). The “sparrows” jostle, bouncing sideways towards each other. Whichever child takes his hands off his knees or falls is eliminated from the game (and goes to have his “legs” and “wings” treated by Dr. Aibolit).
• A minute of pranks (for psycho-emotional relief). At the signal from the leader, the children begin to play around - run, jump, tumble, spin, and squat. One to three minutes - and the presenter’s signal is heard again, announcing the end of the pranks.
• Capricious child (to overcome stubbornness and negativism). Children stand in a circle and take turns playing the role of a capricious child, while the rest encourage them with the words: “Even stronger! Stronger!". Then the children are divided into pairs: “child” and “parent”. The “child” is capricious, and the “parent” is trying to calm him down. Each player must play both roles.

Finally

1. Often, children's aggression is the result of spoiling and connivance on the part of adults. However, most often this is one of the signs of internal emotional distress, an inadequate attempt to psychologically protect the child, regardless of how old he is;
2. In the process of raising a child prone to anger, suppressing aggressive behavior is not the most important thing. The main task is to teach the baby to cope with such a condition;
3. And a very important point is to help the child realize what a diverse palette of feelings he can experience, and how it is customary in society to express these feelings.

What could be the causes of childhood aggression? What to do if a child behaves aggressively?

“He got into a fight!” - the kindergarten teacher exclaims in a dramatic voice. Under barely restrained maternal annoyance, the little man returns home. There, at a family council, his fate will be decided: the fate of a man who committed an unforgivable aggressive act.

Modern society dictates its own rules of the game to us. And what 100 years ago a father would have praised for, today causes parents to panic. What is childhood aggression? Is it worth fighting it? And if so, then how.

Types of aggression in children

According to the most common interpretation, childhood aggression is behavior directed at others or at oneself and associated with causing harm. Depending on how this behavior manifests itself, the following types of aggression are distinguished:

• Verbal- the child screams, swears, calls names, verbally abuses. Depending on whether the baby reprimands the person who angered him or complains to a third party who had nothing to do with the conflict, aggression is divided into direct and indirect, respectively.
• Physical- here there is causing material harm to the object of anger.

Such aggression can be:

• straight- children fight, bite, hit, scratch. The purpose of this behavior is to hurt another person;
• indirect- the move involves causing harm to the offender’s belongings. A child may tear a book, break a toy, or destroy someone else's sandcastle.
• symbolic- constitutes threats to use force. Often this type of aggression develops into direct aggression. For example, a child screams that he will bite you and, if intimidation does not work, he puts it into practice.

No matter how a child’s aggressive behavior manifests itself, it always causes stupor and bewilderment in parents. Where did this come from? What to do about it? Ordinary conversations about how fighting and swearing are bad do not help.

Causes of outbursts of aggression and aggressive behavior in children and adolescents

Family members are especially sensitive to aggression directed at them. Why a child is aggressive with other children can be understood, but at home the child is treated well. So what causes outbreaks of aggression and aggressive behavior in children and adolescents?

1. The most common group of reasons can be classified as “Problems in the family.” Moreover, these can be both difficulties in the relationship between parents and the child, as well as problems of adults who are not directly related to the baby: divorce, death of a close relative
2. Children, just like adults, have their own individual characteristics. Therefore, the second group of reasons can be attributed to “Personal characteristics”. The child may be easily excitable, anxious, and irritable. He finds it difficult to control his emotions, so every little thing can make him angry
3. And the last group can be characterized as “Situational reasons”. Fatigue, poor health, heat, long monotonous pastime, poor quality food. Such things can infuriate not only a child, but also an adult.

Diagnosis of aggression in children

All these factors can intersect and overlap each other. A qualified psychologist will help to identify what caused the child’s aggressive behavior in a particular case. Diagnosis of aggression in children is carried out over several meetings, based on the results of which the specialist analyzes the problem and suggests ways to solve it.

The choice of methods for correcting aggression depends on many factors. But parents need to be prepared for the fact that there is no simple way to treat aggression. To help a child you will have to work hard, including on yourself

What should you pay attention to first of all, what recommendations should parents of aggressive children follow? Here a lot depends both on the reasons for such behavior of the child and on his age

Aggression in children aged 2-3 years

During this period there is a crisis of 3 years. Kids are selfish and are not used to sharing. If they disagree with something, they may hit, scream or break something that does not belong to them.

It should be remembered that children do not yet know how to control their emotions, so this behavior is more the norm than a deviation. Do not scold the child, it is better to try to distract him from the object of his bad mood with something.

Being too strict can make the problem worse. Take your child aside, gently tell him that this is not the way to behave and suggest a new activity.

Aggressive preschool children

Most often, aggression in children for various reasons occurs in preschool age. At this time, the little man still does not know how to express his emotions and feelings and tries to express them precisely as aggression.

Aggression in children aged 4-5 years

At this age, the child begins to settle into society. He checks and examines how his behavior affects other people, including his parents.

If his actions do not harm others, give him the opportunity to build boundaries for himself. It should be understood that this does not mean permissiveness. You need to make it clear to your child what is possible and what is not. How he can express his anger (words) and how not (physically).

Aggression in children 6-7 years old

Children of older preschool age are not too often aggressive. They have already learned to control themselves, they understand what is good and what is bad. If a child behaves aggressively and cruelly, you should think about the reasons.

Perhaps he lacks independence or finds it difficult to communicate with peers. Now interaction with other children comes first for the baby.

Aggression in schoolchildren

Schoolchildren also do not yet have a fully formed psyche and most often express their feelings towards peers and teachers as aggressive self-defense.

Aggression in children aged 8-9 years

The child is actively growing, expanding his knowledge about the world and himself. Both boys and girls begin to pay attention to the opposite sex. The authority of the adult is questioned.

It is important for parents to understand that the child is no longer a baby. From now on, children demand to be treated as equals. Aggression among schoolchildren is often associated with adults’ rejection of this fact.

Aggression in children aged 10-12 years

Early adolescence prepares parents for the crisis and complexity of adolescence. Already now, the authority of peers is more important for a child than that of the parents. Aggressive outbreaks cannot be avoided now.

It is important not to respond to aggression with aggression and not to enter the slippery slope of confrontation. It is better to try to build a partnership with your child. Spend more time with him, talk about adult topics. Of course, there must be boundaries and boundaries. After all, you are a parent, not your child’s friend.

In any of these periods, one should understand when aggression is only temporary, situational, and when it threatens to turn into an accentuation of character. If the problem of child aggression in your family is quite acute and you feel that you cannot cope with the situation, do not be afraid to ask for help. Raising aggressive children is not an easy task. And the work of a psychologist will not be superfluous here.

How to relieve aggression in a child? Treatment of aggression in children

There are various techniques to relieve aggression in a child. There is a large amount of information on this issue on the Internet.

Video: Children's aggression. How to help a child get rid of it?

You can try to apply all these activities and developments in life. Some of the children do not like to draw, but will be happy to compose a story with fictional characters. Some guys love to build and destroy. And someone simply feels the need to shout, thus releasing their anger.

Aggressive child recommendations for parents

Whatever method you choose, you should understand that this is only a transitional stage for your child.

• Games and exercises can relieve stress, but they are not a panacea.
• The child must learn to deal with his emotions constructively, expressing them in words. Having spoken about the true cause of his disorder, he will experience relief and will be able to start looking for solutions to his problem. Agree, when everything inside is bubbling with anger, it’s difficult to find a way out
• Perhaps, during classes with your child, you will understand that the problem of childhood aggression lies in yourself, in the parents
• It's hard to admit this, but it doesn't mean you're a bad mother or a bad father. This speaks of you as an adult, responsible person. With some effort, you can change the situation. And no matter what your child does, remember, he expects you to love him no matter what.
• Confidence in your need and value for the most important people in your life - your parents - can work wonders even with the most notorious hooligans

Video: How to teach a child to manage his emotions and express his feelings?

Games for aggressive children

• The life of children, especially younger ones, consists of 90% of games. Through them, the child experiences the world and learns to live in it. Therefore, often when there are not enough words to explain to a child how to cope with the passions raging within him, game situations can and should be used
• Hit each other with pillows, have a “war” with snowballs in winter and water pistols in summer, play darts, cheering loudly with each hit, run races, play sea battle
• This will help the child relieve internal tension. Remember the films in which the hero, angry, threw a cake in his opponent’s face, and it all ended with laughter and amicable eating of the remaining sweets

Exercises for aggressive children

In addition to simple games known to everyone since childhood, in interaction with children who are often prone to display aggression, they use exercises developed by psychologists.

Video: Games to reduce children's aggression

Classes with aggressive children

• During all the games and exercises mentioned above, it is important to let the child understand that with their help he can cope with his emotions without your direct help
• During a quarrel, you can, for example, say: “We are both very angry now, let’s take pillows and fight until we forgive each other.” Thus, you will not only relieve tension, but also show how the conflict can be resolved without casualties
• Another important point in any activities with a child is to set the boundaries of what is permitted: during a pillow fight, it is necessary to stipulate that hitting can only be done with a pillow, without using the legs. If you need to cope with verbal aggression, then you can call them names, but not offensively, for example, with the names of vegetables

Raising aggressive children

Necessary components of the educational process for children who cannot express their emotions constructively are reflection and personal example.

The concept of reflection implies the ability to analyze one’s feelings. When a child screams or hits other children, he does not always understand what is happening to him. It is important to talk to him about this so that he feels your participation and support in a difficult situation for him.

Children learn all the ways they interact with other people primarily in the family. Pay attention to how you and your loved ones deal with anger. Maybe your baby is just copying adults? And before you change his behavior, you need to change yourself?

Video: Children's anger and aggression. Why do our children become evil?

Why is a child aggressive with other children?

• It is not uncommon for parents to learn that a child is behaving aggressively from third parties. Complaints from a teacher or educator are puzzling. What is the right thing to do in this situation? What measures should be taken
• First of all, you need to take a deep breath and understand the situation. What exactly happened? Under what circumstances? The child shows aggression towards someone in particular or towards all children
• It is also important to find out the child’s opinion on this issue. Try asking him. But don't push. Children cannot always talk about their experiences
• You should pay attention to what he does in the evening. Did you tear off the doll's head? Talk about what the doll did, whether it was good or bad, and why it needed to be punished. You can draw together and use the drawing to act out a situation that happened during the day

Psychologist's work with aggressive children

If you can’t figure out the reasons for your child’s constant aggressive outbursts on your own, you don’t need to let the situation take its course. In some cases, consultation with a psychologist can be equally useful for both parents and the child.

A specialist will help you understand what is behind this behavior and give recommendations on raising your baby. In some cases, psychocorrectional work is necessary.

Correction of aggression in children

When the word “psychocorrection” is mentioned, many parents have a panic attack: something is wrong with my child, he is not normal, how did it happen, that others will think, suddenly they will think that my child is crazy. But don’t avoid asking for help because of your own fears.

Thanks to the fact that you and your child do not visit a psychologist, the problem will not disappear. Think about what is more important: how you will look in the eyes of others or the health of your baby.

Depending on the type of child problem, correctional work may be:

• individual - the child works with a psychologist one on one. More suitable for older teenagers who are not ready for group work
• family - when classes with a psychologist are attended by the whole family or one of the family members and the child. This type of activity is ideal for younger children. He is able to teach not only the baby himself to cope with strong emotions, but also help mom and dad correctly understand and respond to their child’s emotional outbursts
• group - the child attends classes together with peers. Through play situations and communication, he learns to better understand himself and behave in society in an acceptable way, without humiliating or offending others.

Prevention of aggressive behavior in children

Parents' fears that their child has serious problems are not always justified. Often, seemingly insurmountable difficulties turn out to be not so terrible in reality.

Still, it is important to listen to your children and understand what is happening in their lives now. With the right attitude, you can easily prevent an aggressive outburst, direct strong emotions in the right direction and reconcile the child with his own feelings, and therefore with the whole world!

Video: How to extinguish aggression in a child (S.A. Amonashvili)