Every profession has its own subtleties. The slang of professionals is incomprehensible to the layman, and part of professional jokes is built on this. The service industry is a special joke: those who deal with people become psychologists and philosophers. And clients, in turn, joke about the masters. Take, for example, jokes about manicure.

Jokes are divided into three categories: humor of masters, humor about masters and humor of clients.

Humor masters

For a long time working in the salon, each manicurist has accumulated a lot of funny cases. But there is something in common that unites them: a pre-holiday price list for services. He needs an explanation. The fact is that a good master is recorded in advance. Before the big holidays New Year, March 8, September 1) it is better to do this in a month. But there are naive clients who come without an appointment and ask to find time for them. On this occasion, the masters composed a playful price list (in rubles).

1. Stand over the soul - 450.
2. Cry in a vest - 500.
3. Give advice to the master - 550.
4. Help the master - 300 rubles per minute.
5. Choosing a design for more than 10 minutes - 100 rubles per minute.
6. Bargain - 1000.
7. Question about the cost of materials - 800.
8. Saying the phrase: “What is so expensive?” - 2000.
9. Saying the phrase: "How long?" - 2000.
10. Do it yourself - 5000 (nothing personal, office rent, cost of materials and compensation for the time and nerves of the master).
11. Arrival with a company (a company means a girlfriend, husband, children, animals) - 10,000.
12. Arrival with beer (vodka, champagne, moonshine) and a cry: "Happy New Year!" - 15000.
13. Being late - 100 rubles per minute.

During their studies, masters buy training fingers, hands, and tips. This is necessary for working out the calculation of the material. Then these objects can be seen in the most unexpected places: the finger is used as a hook for tips, mysteriously protruding from the wall. And the hand peeks out of the box under the table. The children of the clients are very dissatisfied.

How to become a "favorite" client

Every master has problem clients. They have the following note:

1. To get started, ask about slag (glak) and gel manicure.
2. Continue the conversation in the style: “Dap-dap? Why so long? What is there to do here?"
3. Make an appointment for early morning, do not come by appointment and call back in half an hour. Reschedule the visit for the master's lunch time, repeat the manipulation and reschedule the visit for the evening. And then everything is simple - do not pick up the phone.
4. Come under the influence of alcohol.
5. Come sick. Report the illness when paying with the master (“You will sterilize it well after me, I have hepatitis A”).
6. Put your phone on the table and use it free hand.
7. Leave the phone in your purse, and when it rings, ask the master to get it and bring it to your ear.
8. Remove gel polish folk ways and spread the word about its harm.

Among the jokes about manicure there is a funny comic about how a husband scolds his wife for extended nails. She plunges her fingers into his hair and - shryk-shryk - massages, asking: "What did you say, dear?". And he, thrilled by the massage, replies: "For heaven's sake, don't stop."

Jokes about the manicurist

Jobs often take longer than expected. Children left at home are the first to react. They start calling. The second does not stand the husband - he comes. Since there is not enough space in the office, he is offered to sit in a pedicure chair. Calling it gynecological, he stands at the door. On this occasion, the song “I brought my wife for a manicure” was composed and pictures with a skeleton waiting at the door of the manicure room.

The masters themselves do not share this criticism. They wittily answer: "Hurrying the manicurist is like trying to speed up the loading of the computer. There are many operations hidden from your understanding."

From the nail master you can hear sayings:

• It was, but it floated, because without a top.
• You can’t spoil the hole with a French.
• If you work hard, you will receive the Order of the Humpbacked.
• Small Swarovski crystal, but expensive.
• Friendship is friendship, but you always want to eat.

The client calls the master and asks to go to his house. The master thinks in his mind what he will have to take: a UV lamp and an ICE lamp, a table lamp, a couple of extension cords, a disinfectant and liquid for it, a sterilizer or dry heat, an apparatus and cutters, a bag with files, napkins and auxiliary liquids, a box of gels, acrylics and a monomer , a box of gel polishes and a box of regular polishes ... And he answers: "Yes, of course. I'll call a truck now."

The work of a nail master requires serious knowledge of the chemistry of polymers. Therefore, he looks like Hermione, who mixes drugs to get a potion.

Here is what they say about their work:

Every real nail master is a philosopher and an artist. Sometimes a psychologist. But always with love for people and for their work.

This suggests that you are in love with beauty just like we are. And it also suggests that you will definitely like our today's selection of the most vital beauty memes. Ready to find yourself in one (or maybe all) of them? Then let's take a look!

We have to admit that memes are our favorite pastime on the internet. They expose the realities of our life in a satirical form, getting to the very point. Prepare your bellies, because when humor meets beauty, it's always very funny. Ready to laugh at yourself? Below are the best beauty memes that only girls will understand.

(when they say to you: "Why are you wearing makeup, you are already so beautiful")

(what they imagine normal people when someone tells them "spoil yourself" and what do I imagine)

(How do I feel with makeup on my face in the summer)

(guys will never understand)

(when my hairdresser does my hair and when I do it)

(when you want to sneeze after applying mascara and it hasn't dried yet)

(my lips after matte lipstick)

(when I bought new brushes)

(there are only two kinds of mood...)

(when someone tries to touch your face after you put on makeup)

(when I bought a new highlighter)

(when I accidentally dropped my eyeshadow palette)

(there are two types of girls...)

(when someone with bad eyebrows tries to give you beauty advice)

(when I washed my hair after applying makeup)

(when someone said "I like your eyebrows")

(when your manicurist asks you to choose a nail polish)

On this optimistic note, we end the selection of the most vital beauty memes that we laughed at for a long time :) Did you find yourself in them too? Stay with us, and we will continue to delight you with new interesting publications. Further more!

Manicure is an ultrafine matter that is constantly growing, improving and developing. So, starting from prehistoric times, ending with the present, the manicure industry has globalized and expanded to almost all continents, which, logically, has had its consequences. Spending several hours of their lives in the master’s chair, clients have become accustomed to jokes about manicures and jokes in a nail salon, and then creating funny memes on the topic of “sharpening claws”. ProstoNail, as the most experienced collector of "folk" art and folklore, decided to combine all the "pearls" known to us into one collection. Beware, the text below is too concentrated Have a good mood.

Humor about manicure - funny about women

Manicure is a special kind of female meditation, during which you can restore your inner reserves and be inspired for new achievements, drink a fragrant cup of coffee and chat about everything in the world. Moreover, beautiful manicure gives the girl confidence in her own irresistibility, which undoubtedly affects her mood. It was not difficult for ProstoNail to find a thousand and one phrases about the ladies' favorite pastime on the World Wide Web, now we are sharing this positive charge with you:

• “The secret of female happiness is simple: new shoes, a successful manicure, a bald girlfriend”.
• Manicure is my favorite female way restoring peace of mind".
• "The real risk and recklessness is painting your nails 5 minutes before going out, knowing that the nail polish remover is over".
• “A girl is defenseless only 5 minutes after a manicure”.

“Manicure is a woman’s banal desire to look beautiful “to the tips of her nails”.

• “When my husband started paying for my manicure, he started crying with me when I break a nail.”
• "All I want is world peace and a fresh pedicure."
• “Money can’t buy happiness, but you can make a damn beautiful manicure with it.”
• "Friendship is tested in trouble, so real friend always scratch your nose and head until your nail polish is dry.”
• “You need to urgently change something in your life. Should I paint my nails with another varnish?
• “Life is unfair: there are so many gel polishes, and not enough fingers.”
• “Nail polish is a strange thing. It seems to be dry, but it seems to be not.
• “Before you go for a pedicure, you should at least do a pedicure” is a phrase that only women can understand.
• “Makeup, manicure, epilation… Eeeh! And as a child, she tied a bow on her head and is already a beauty!
• “The woman who managed to sign up for the event will not be stopped even by warnings from the Ministry of Taxes”
• "The simpler a woman, the more complex her nail design."
• “My wife is pregnant. And you know, she has no whims in food. She sits quietly on the couch eating her strawberries and sour cream while I paint the walls the color of her nails.”
• “A good manicure can easily decorate not only the hands of a woman, but also the body of a man.”
• "Girls! If you had a choice: world peace or a manicure that never peels off, what color of varnish would you choose?
• “For a woman to distinguish billions of shades is such a grief! You come for a manicure, and there are 20 options for pink, but not as pink as you want.
• "Exactly half of a woman's nerve cells are spent drawing a smile line."

Only jokes about manicure in pictures will improve the effect of these masterpieces. Boldly flip through the gallery, you are guaranteed a charge of good mood.

Jokes about manicure masters - the best of the Web

Sometimes life itself throws us such funny phrases, which you want to quickly write down, and then, on occasion, demonstrate wit to others. However, each specialty is marked by the stamp of its own, "professional", and sometimes only understandable humor. This is also the case in the nail industry. Your faithful guide to the beauty space ProstoNail has collected the most juicy and funny, bright and original statements of the World Wide Web users on the topic of manicure, placing them in a colorful selection:

• According to its original definition, only a manicurist can know the whole ins and outs”- in fact, you can’t argue with this statement about manicurists.
• Gel polish ruins nails. “Yes, you just didn’t have a normal master.”
• Only a designer can understand a manicure master. "This red is not that red, I want the red that is more red."
• What to do if you do not have time to make an appointment with a manicure master? A) Cancel the entry. B) Turn off the phone C) Delete the page in social networks D) Flee the country.
• Masters, don't forget to mention this valuable tip for clients: “Don't forget, you must be back no later than 4 weeks! Because then the magic will disappear and your correction will turn into an extension.
• And the clients themselves talk about manicurists Why do I need a psychoanalyst? I have a favorite manicurist." We legitimately believe that a diploma in psychology should be issued to hairdressers and neil-masters. We talked, brought beauty, calmed and let go home happy.
• At the master of nail service, the client is afraid of only two things: either the price of those nails that he wants; or nails for whatever price he wants.
• Hurrying the manicurist is the same as trying to speed up the loading of the computer. The program still has to perform many actions hidden from your understanding.
• Diet of a real manicurist: drink nothing but 9 cups of coffee during the day. Eat nothing but 1800 calories 5 minutes before bed.
• The word camouflage is such a variable. Ask what it means to the military and manicurist.
• Love is when you file your nails, not him.
• A typical problem of the master: I wanted shoes, but I bought new gel polishes.
• Advice to those who choose their future profession. Already in this generation, lawyers will be replaced by blockchain, programmers and scientists by neural networks, drivers will soon be replaced by artificial intelligence, and doctors and the military by robots. But nails ... people's nails will always grow!
• I like my work on a free schedule: I wanted to - I came to work by seven in the morning, I wanted to - I came from work at 12 at night, but I wanted to - and didn’t go home at all.
• You are definitely a master of nail service if you thoroughly study the manicure of others on buses and the subway.
• Manicurist, as the most faithful friend. Always ready to help when the nail broke and listen if the husband left.
• That's it, just going to get rich, then new collection gel polishes come out, then files again need to be bought, then tools need to be sharpened.

By the way, the masters themselves have also accumulated a number of sayings that very truthfully reflect the picture of the complex relationship between the master himself and the client (all events are fictitious and coincidences with real people random):

• You can’t spoil the hole with a French.
• If you work hard, you will receive the Order of the Humpbacked.
• Friendship is friendship, but you always want to eat.
• It was, but it floated, because without a top.
• Measure once, but never cut.
• "Thank you", the instrument does not sterilize.
• You love designs, love and pay money.
• Small Swarovski crystal, but expensive.

And remember that when a client comes not by appointment, then somewhere in the world one cat is sad, and one master is also cursing.

Funny pictures about manicure

Memes about manicure

Memes are funny pictures about manicure, instantly uplifting. They are created about clients and craftsmen, about their complex and such non-standard relationships, and about typical women's issues. We are sure that the selection below will cause you a couple of radiant smiles, and maybe an attack of explosive laughter.

Demotivators about manicure

Cool pictures as accurately as possible reflect the whole essence of a true woman.

jokes about manicure

• “I don’t understand girls who spend so much money on manicures when you can do your own nails from tangerine stickers.”
• "There is no creature more helpless than a woman with wet manicure."
• “I decided to help my parents: I took a bath, did my hair, manicure, pedicure, makeup, put on a new dress ... I went to look for their son-in-law.”
• "A girl armed with a nail file is more dangerous than a girl armed with a pistol, which still needs to be removed from the safety lock."
• "A regular manicure easily turns a woman's nails into a serious weapon."
• “If a man’s toenails are painted with varnish, this does not always mean that he is a transvestite. Most likely, his little daughter is just growing up.
• “Nails do not paint a woman. And the woman's nails!
• "Manicure is edged, unedged and bite."
• "The perfect manicure doesn't happen by chance - it's born by appointment."
• “Do you understand that if there was no instagram, then the distraught girls with new manicure would have to poke their fingers under the noses of all passers-by?”
• “So that the skin of the hands does not peel off, and the manicure is always fresh, take half a lemon, a bottle of tequila, salt and do not go outside.”
• “A woman needs 3 things to be happy: a husband, a fresh manicure and everything else.”
• “Money can’t buy happiness, but you can pay for a manicure, which is pretty much the same thing.”
• "Beautiful nails will always be best friends girls, because roses wither, and chocolate spoils the figure.
• “Now manicure is in fashion, when two nails are of one color, and the rest are of another. And I'm still waiting for it to be in fashion different length nails." — The girl who constantly breaks her nail.
• “You need to look at your woman the way she looks at her new nails!”
• “The typical girl's phone gallery consists of: 60% of the nail photos she wants to take; 30% of the nails she took and 10% of her selfies."

Funny poems about manicure

I don't trust women
they are cunning and cunning
they put nails on their nails
draw eyebrows on eyebrows

I would do some yoga
because the nerves are not ah.
But I'm afraid that I'll start by becoming a yogi,
bite your toenails.

Stay with me before death

Alex asks Oksana

I can't, I signed up
Six hours for a manicure

Oksana cooks porridge with her elbow
Lips darn socks
Face rolls cans
not to spoil the manicure

The big girl is tired

Everything is tired, everything is enough!

Get out a pack of banknotes

And go get a new manicure!

Tired gel polishes are sleeping,

the nippers are sleeping too.

Tomorrow new designs are waiting for the girls.

Manicurist go to bed

tomorrow he will work

Close your eyes! Bye bye…

The ice is melting between us

I know it will suit you for sure.
Nails can be done in any color
And you and I are just the two of us.

Jokes about manicure

An anecdote is a short and insanely informative summary of simple dialogues that take place in our everyday lives. And the life of a girl, as we know, oh, what a difficult one. You need to catch everything and everything, but at the same time do not forget about the luxurious appearance. Beauty salons come to the rescue, and with them, folklore is formed, carefully collected by ProstoNail into an uplifting gallery.

• Wife-husband: I need so much money! For hair removal, manicure, pedicure and highlighting. Husband: I'm lucky! I was born handsome.
• The prisoner writes a letter to his wife: - Thanks for the nail file in the pie, now I have the most well-groomed nails in the cell!
• There are two classmates who have not seen each other for 20 years. - How is life, how are you? Yes, I broke my nail.
• The boss orders the secretary: - This letter is very important, so put it next to your nail polish.
• In the ninth month of pregnancy, the wife asked her husband to paint his toenails. He denied for a long time, they say, I don’t know how, and this is not a man’s business. The wife was offended by him and went to the shower. She gets out of the shower and sees that her husband is painting his nails with the words:
  - What only pregnant women will not come to mind ...
• - Why would you nibble on something that doesn’t make you fat? - Nails.
• I ask my son: - Did you cut your nails? “Seventy-five percent.” - Like this? - On the right hand it does not work.
• On a manicure, women usually have two moods. First - fuu, designs are such a collective farm. Second - And please draw on this finger the ninth wave of Aivazovsky, and on this one - a funny bear.
• - I wish you simple female happiness! What is female happiness? - I answer. Women's happiness is a wealthy, caring man and good master manicure.
• But what if the ring finger was not given a name and he took revenge on all women, forcing them to paint a nail in a color different from the whole manicure?
• Children are running, a boy and a girl, who look like 6-7 years old. They hold hands, then the girl stops her companion and, embarrassed and lowering her eyes, asks: - And when we grow up, will you marry me? - Not. The girl raised her surprised, frightened eyes: - Why? "Because you'll be getting your nails done every day and I won't have enough money for gas."

Riddles about manicure

The art of nail care
What is the name of the people?

What is the name of the dress code for fingers, so rare among boys?

Will soon turn into claws Untrimmed ...

What grows without a root?

We hope this article will not only cheer you up, but also charge you with positive energy until the next meeting with your favorite manicure master.