Children say
The family is waiting for an addition. Liza (5 years old) asks her mother:
- And why is your stomach getting bigger and bigger?
- Ate a watermelon, swallowed a seed, now a new one is growing in my stomach
watermelon! - Mom answers.
Lisa narrows her eyes and puts her hands on her hips:
- Aren't you pregnant, my dear?

My son is 2 years 6 months old. I took him to the children's hospital for vaccinations.
We sit in the vaccination room, waiting for my aunt to load the syringe. Suddenly, he
turns to me and says:
"I'll wait for you in the car, okay?"

In summer, the son (4 years old) sits and takes a blade of grass in his mouth as if
smokes. He speaks:
- Mom, look, I smoke.
- Kolya, you can't smoke!
- Mom, yes, I'm grass.

We're back from the fireworks show. Cub (3 years 6 months) all 50
minutes of the performance sat as if spellbound. It broke in the car.
He hugs me from the back seat by the neck:
- Mom, I'm so happy! Thank you for giving birth to me.

Kirill (2 years 1 month) on the street saw someone coming out of the entrance
man and without unnecessary greetings, addresses:
- Did you go for a walk?
The man was taken aback:
- Yeah.
- Did you wear a hat?
- Yes.
And put on mittens. Cold. Very cold.

In the garden, the teacher says:
- What to do? We have two Kolyas.
Mine says:
- Call me Nicholas the first ...

Anton (6.5 years old) asks:
- Mom, I forgot, cows, sheep, chickens, geese - as in one word
called? Cattle or bastards?

Daughter:
- Dad, when the renovation is over, how old will I be?

My younger sister Once I decided to call my father at work:
- Hello! Is this dad's job? Call dad!

Walked with my son (2 years old) in the park and saw the twins. seeing them and
staring at him for a long time, he says:
- Where is mine?

Mum:
- Yes, Veronica, we probably spoiled you ... You'll have to
punish!
- How is it - you spoiled me, and punish me?

The daughter of relatives has long been begging for a brother or sister.
Mom explains to her:
- Well, understand, dear, dad is on a flight, he won’t arrive soon, and without dad we can’t have a baby.
But the girl was quickly found:
- On the contrary, let's start it now, and dad will come, and we will
say: "Surprise!"

I scolded my son (5 years old) for something. Sat on the floor, took out paper,
pencils, and "pouting" to me:
- Then I'll draw you fat!

A friend tried to teach her son to sleep in the nursery. Slept with parents
She took him to the nursery. 15 minutes later he comes back and again
to my parents in bed. His mother took him back to the nursery. He again
returned. She carries him to the “place” for the third time, and he, through a dream:
“Well, how long are we going to run like this?”

I took my youngest daughter to work with me. She walked there, wandered, and went
to the director's office. I sit and hear them talking about something, and
small proudly announces:
- And my mother still knows how to grunt!

At the dacha of our grandmother - the simplest toilet of the "hole in the floor" type.
When Anya had to use it, she asked to be kept
hand. All the while she kept repeating:
- Just hold me tight. You, after all, remember that I am your most
favorite girl in the world?

I watch the news, my son runs in and shouts:
- Oh, Medvedev!
I ask:
- Do you know who Medvedev is?
Yes, Putin.

The wife went to the hospital for preservation. I stayed at home, son Svyatoslav (4
years) and son Yegor (2 years). I only know how to cook pasta. So here it is
I cooked pasta for them, slightly salted. The first came running Holy,
tried. Without saying anything, he leaves the table. He goes to the nursery. AT
at the door meets Yegor, who is going to eat, takes him by the hand, leads him to
nursery and says:
- Yegor, don't eat. You are my only brother...
I had to invite my mother.

We went to the store and left the car under a tree. While we were walking
a flock of birds flew in and pretty shitted on the roof and hood. I had to
drive the car to the sink and wash to a state of cleanliness. After washing my
the son looked at the car and issued:
- Well, the birds will look at the car and say: “Kakali,
poop and all in vain!

The son at the zoo asks his father:
- Dad, if a tiger breaks out of the cage and eats you, then on which
bus to go home?

Leo is 6 years old. We go with him to the neurologist. Lyovka is naughty - doctors
he got bored. I tell him:
- This doctor will not do anything to you, he will only talk.
- Is that all?
- Well, maybe it will knock with a hammer, but it doesn't hurt.
We've arrived, let's go. Doctor:
- Hello, Lyovushka!
- Hello! Well, where is your ax?!

20.09.2011 08:49

Not so often we write about children. But in vain! You need to follow the children, write them down, and then read them out, preferably aloud!

Morning. Mom is painting. Yegor (4 years old) is lying on the couch.
Grandpa comes in
- Something you, daughter, do not look very good, are you sick?
Son in response:
“Now he’s getting better and getting better.

Bought grapes for Zhenya (2.5 years old) Treated dad, mom. We say:
- Do you need to treat your grandmother?
- Come on, she'll eat soup later.

Mitya (4 years old): "Mom, is the president of the country like a circus director?"

Sasha (5 years old) climbs on the bike and snaps his fingers on the steering wheel and sits motionless. Mum:

Sasha, why are you sitting?

I'm waiting for it to warm up.

The apartment was poisoned by cockroaches. Little Dasha (3.5 years old) runs and screams heart-rendingly:
- Mom, mom, there's a cockroach in the kitchen! - Big or small? - Mom asks with interest.
- Mom, he's a boy!

Senya (4 years old) is asked:
- What do you want to be when you grow up?
- A bird!
- But why, Senya?
- And they can pick up and eat from the ground!

Mom, let's buy me a sister or a brother!
- No, son, they are very expensive.
- Yes? Well, then it’s better to give birth yourself, it’s free!

Vasya (4 years):
- Mom, give me a tangerine!
What about the magic word?
He (embarrassed and questioning):
- Abracadabra?

Roma (5 years old) asks her grandmother:
- Bab, I want a big drum! Buy it!
- Romochka, the drum is too noisy. He will interfere with your dad's work...
- Honestly, it won't! I'll wait until my dad goes to bed and then I'll start knocking!

Grandfather gave Kostya (4 years old) a gift and asks:
- Do you even love me, granddaughter?
The granddaughter enthusiastically rustles the wrappers and nods:
-Yes.
- But as? Strongly overpowering?

Kostya is distracted from the present and shakes his head:
- No, I love my mother so much. And a little bit of you.

Petya (5 years old) watches how his mother washes the window with his old bonnet:
- Mom, did I wear this when I was a girl?

After dinner, mom calls Katya (4 years old):
Let's brush our teeth!
- And where will we go with washed teeth?

Mom tries to dress Kirill (4 years old) for a walk, but the boy gets naughty and interferes. Unable to stand it, my mother says with irritation:
- Come on, take your hands off!
- Where will I take them? They are embedded in me!

Evelina (2.5 years):
- Grandma, my heart hurts!
- How does it hurt you?
- Hiccup!

Mum:
- Can I give you a sausage or a sausage?
- Sausage. I fell in love with sausages for sausage.
And I fell in love with soup for porridge. And porridge is already for sweets.

Kostya (4 years):
- Dad, I don't want to wash my hands, well, I don't want to.
- Child, there is such a word "must!"
Kostya (almost without a pause):
- Dad, there is such a word "no need!"

Andrew is 2.5 years old. Before the New Year, my mother prepared a whole bowl of Olivier and stands over it, bending her fingers:
- So-and-so, I put the sausage in the salad, cut the potatoes, peas ...
Andrey (quietly-quietly):
- And I poured compote there ...

Anfisa (4 years old) dreams:
I want to be a bee!
- And why?
- To sleep in the winter, and eat for free in the summer ...

Danya (5 years old) eats a cutlet.

Mom, is this cow patty?

Yes, this meat is called beef.

Well, why are you like this? Maybe she was ruthless.

"And where do you dress?" - strictly ask from the screen.

"Where-where... In the corridor!" - Sonia sighs skeptically.

New and old funny sayings of children.

Karina, 6 years old
- Karina, what do you want to work when you grow up?
- A shopkeeper. Sell ​​bicycles, scooters and toys to children.
Lisa 6 years old
Lisa was 6 years old. I put her to bed and say: “Here is your bear, hug him and fall asleep soon,” and she says to me so sadly in response: “Mommy, will anyone alive sleep with me today?”
Radomir, 4 years old
We play with our son (he was 4 years old) to the hospital. He, of course, is a doctor, I am a patient.
Hello, what hurts you?
- Hand.
- Which?
- Left.
- Which is your left hand? (still confused, where is the right, where is the left).
- The one on the left - I do not give up.
The doctor is confused, but not for long.
“I think you have them both on the left.”
Yaroslava, 7 years old
My daughter was 7 years old, she is a compassionate girl - she will bring a wounded bird, then a homeless kitten, then a puppy. Everyone was treated, fed, housed. But everything has a limit.
- Yaroslava, so that no more birds, cats, homeless dogs would be brought home. Understood?
- I understand ... Mom, what if I meet a homeless horse?
***
- I was in the stomach?
- Was.
- Aren't my toys left there?

Elizabeth, 9 years old
Lizonka ate a chocolate candy. Grandpa says: "Treat your little sister, don't be greedy." Lisa holds out her chocolate-stained pen to her two-year-old sister and says: “Here, lick it.”
Aina, 5 years old
They sent Aina to visit her aunt, she comes from there all smeared with condensed milk, I tell her: “Daughter, then you ate condensed milk without asking?” And Aina replies: “No, mom, it was my aunt who fed me condensed milk without asking!”
Philip, 9 years old
For dinner, I fried white cabbage. Sonya, 6, says indignantly: “I want cauliflower! Where is my cauliflower? Philip, 8 years old, decided to joke: “Mom didn’t have time to color it! Eat this one!”
***
We sit and have dinner. Anya whines:
- My stomach hurts.
Me, annoyed:
- Because you take in your mouth all sorts of filth!
Anya, without looking up from her plate:
- Actually, you cook it...
***
We are driving in the car, the navigator is working. You can hear: “After five hundred meters - the exit!” Polina (2 years 10 months), horrified:
- Who will eat?!
***
Vasilisa (1 year 8 months) found chalk and eats it like candy with pleasure. I tell her:
- People don't eat chalk!
To which she replies:
- Only children! - and continues to eat further.

Maxim, 3 years old
Parents: Maxim, if you eat, you will grow big.
Maxim: Parents, are you big already?
- Yes.
- Why are you eating?

Yana, 5 years old
Yana brings me a plate to wash and says: "Please, Your Quantity!" I collapsed with laughter. I mixed up the words "Majesty" and "Number".
Son (6 years old) asks:
- Mom, give me something sweet.
- There is chocolate, candy, cookies, sugar, finally. What will you be?
- Give herring.
***
I sent my son to the store.
- Buy sour cream, and buy bread for change.
Came back with no purchases.
- Where are the shopping?
- There was no sour cream.
- And the bread?
- Where can I get change?
***
Dima (3 years 9 months) unwraps a candy.
- Dim, will you share with me?
- No I can not!
- Why?
With a happy look
- Because I'm a GREED!
- Is it good to be greedy?
- Well, - chewing on the candy, - not bad!

Ivan, 5 years old
Recently, to my joking question why he wants a sister so much, Ivan replied: “To get me toys from under the sofa!”

Natalia, 3 years and 8 months
- Mom, when I was sitting in your tummy (she knows that I was in my mother’s tummy, and then she was born), was it dark there?
- Yes, my daughter, it's dark.
“Didn’t the folder lead the light there?”

Matvey, 4 years old
In the kindergarten there was a test for flat feet. The children took turns standing with their bare feet in a basin of water, and then leaving footprints on the rubber mats. The nurse used the traces left to determine the presence or absence of flat feet. In the evening, my son happily rushed to meet me and announced with delight: “Mom, I have a FAT FOOT!”

Sergey, 3 years old
The son in the garden constantly fought with the boy Vanya. At home, they had an explanatory conversation that it was impossible to fight in the kindergarten, in extreme cases, you can hit back ... Once again he comes from the kindergarten, we ask: “How are you, didn’t you fight today?”
- No, he says, he didn’t fight with anyone at all and didn’t fight Vanya either, I just caught up with him, squeezed him in a corner and fought back for a long, long time ...

***
Tyomka was 6 years old, his wife scolded him for something, he sits, pouted.
The husband comes up to him and asks:
- What, Timokha, is your mother strict?
To which the child calmly replies:
- Dad, it was your choice... But I got this one...

Tanyusha, 5 years old
Mom scolds: Daughter, why are you not listening to me?
Tanyusha: Mom, I want to listen to you, but my heart, so disgusting, won't let me.
Pavel, 3 years old
Pavlusha is 3 years old, and he was sick. Dad is on a business trip, talking to mom on the phone, mom is happy, laughing.
Pavlusha, so seriously:
- You can't be happy! We are still sick!
Ivan, 5 years old
We go with Vanya to the kindergarten, we are in a hurry.
Me: Let's cut a corner here - we'll get there faster.
He: And how will people live here if we cut the corner?
Ekaterina 4 years
I work as a design engineer.
And then one evening after work, at dinner, my three year old daughter Katyusha asks me: “Mom, what did you do at work today?” I answer her: "Drill." To which my daughter asks me a counter question: “Why didn’t you work?”
* * *
Sveta, 5 years old:
We talk with children about why people need clothes:
- In winter, so as not to freeze, and in summer?
- In order not to be dishonored, - Sveta declares.

Xenia, 9 years old
The wife found that Ksenia had locked herself in the dressing room, and reprimanded her:
- Why did you close? You don't live here alone!
Ksenia in perfect calmness answers:
- ...That's why!
***
Sasha (3 years 5 months old) was playing with a puppy and suddenly started licking the couch. Grandmother saw and began to scold him:
- Sasha, what are you doing! You can’t lick the sofa, infectious germs live on it, you can get sick!
Two days later, my grandmother fell ill and lay in bed. Sasha approached her and asked with sadness in his voice:
- What, granny, licked the sofa?
***
My friend Valya came to visit us. My son (4 years old) asks her:
- Aunt Valya, where do you live?
- Near Moscow.
He elaborates:
- In the underground?
* * *
Sonya, 4 years old:
- Why did they call me Sonya if you wake up in the kindergarten every morning?
* * *
We sit at work. The 5-year-old daughter of a colleague calls, asks to call her mother to the phone. She is answered:
- And my mother is not there, she is in the bank.
A long silence followed by the question:
- How did she get in there?

Children's karate section (children 4-5 years old). Conducted by Andrei Mstislavovich and Gennady Miroslavovich. Of course, children cannot pronounce Andrei's patronymic, so they simply call him "Andrey", which Gennady makes fun of - they say, he did not deserve it.
The story itself: open class, break. One of the kids separates from the crowd and goes to the "sensei". Hesitating, he asks:
- Gennady Mimosralovich, can I go to the toilet?
When Andrei's laughter subsided, Gennady gathered all the children and said:
- From this day on, I'm just Gena for you! And nothing else!
* * *
Nadia, 5 years old:
In the morning, leaving for work to the father: “Bye, dad, thanks for stopping by ...”
* * *
Gathered in kindergarten, and the son rests, does not want to wear warm pants. I:
- Do you want to leave your mother without grandchildren?
He, sighing:
- Well, only for the sake of grandchildren!
* * *
My daughter (3 years 10 months) conducted an educational program for me yesterday:
- The groom is the one who buys ice cream and kisses, and the husband is the one who nails the shelves at home and eats.

Alexey, 5 years old
We go home with Alexei from the kindergarten. He asks: “What is sugar made from?” I told him for a long time about beets and sugar cane. Lyosha listened to me carefully and again asked: “Why then did my grandfather say in the morning that he went to donate blood for sugar?”
***
Child (9 years):
- Mom, why is Aibolit painted in all children's hospitals? He's a veterinarian!
***
My daughter and I went to the doctor. The doctor showed pictures of a cow, a pig, a sheep and a horse, and asked them to name these animals in one word.
- Cattle!
The doctor laughed and said that, in fact, it is correct, but you need to say "pets." Daughter without hesitation:
- That's two words!
***
The four-month-old youngest tries unsuccessfully to crawl on the bed. Nearby, a three-year-old senior flops down on his stomach: - Look, worm,
how real boas crawl!
***
A young mother, a nurse by profession, quite often takes her son (4-5 years old) with her to work, and in order to observe the internal
hospital routine, sewed him white bathrobe and a cap. The child, imbued with the rules of this routine, got hold of shoe covers somewhere and
gloves. I put them on, tied a gauze bandage, and went straight to the operating room. To a strict question: - What else is this? He replied with
a feeling of great pride and enduring dignity: - I am a microsurgeon.

Glory (9 years old):
- Again, at school, they sorted out the relationship with Maxim! I told him that he was marginalized and declassed lumpen. And he - that I'm a loser.
***
The six-year-old son does not understand anything of what his one-year-old brother says, and asks: “Mom, are you sure he is Russian?”
***
Ilya (8 years old) comes home from school. I'm asking:
- How was your day? How are you doing in school? Did you ask in class today?
I see that my son's answers are somehow evasive and vague. I decided to go ahead:
- Come on, give me your diary!
A short pause, then a cautious phrase:
- Mom, are you sure? We already have a relationship recent times not really...

Often children say all sorts of stupid things, but for us adults, these stupid things sound very funny. There is nothing more touching than hearing or reading funny children's sayings and phrases. A non-standard children's outlook on life seems very funny to us adults, but we can learn a lot from them.

We have collected for you the most ridiculous to tears and carbon monoxide statements of children. Some of them are so funny that they will make you laugh not only to tears, but even to stomach cramps. Reading life stories and cycles The children are talking.

Nastya 3.5 years old:
- Mom, why did you first teach me to walk and talk, and now you want me to sit and be silent ?!

Daughter (3 years 8 months) at bedtime:
- Mom, I'll tell you a scary tale! Once upon a time there was a boy, he was 35 years old, he went to school ...
- Daughter, this does not happen! They go to school until the age of 16-17, no more.
Husband:
- They told you - a terrible fairy tale !!!
Daughter:
- OK then. Once upon a time there was a boy, he was 16 years old, he went to school ...
- Nu here is, already better!
- In the fourth grade!

Mom, is the phone ringing?
- Yes.
- Can I call him?
- Yes.
So this is the spine.

Daughter (4 years old) asks her mother:
- Mom, how old are you?
Mum:
- 38.
- Show me on your fingers.

Son (5 years old) approaching his father, sitting at the computer:
- Dad, what game do you play?
- I pay bills.
- You are winning?
- Not.

A father calls home to inquire about the well-being of his sick seven-year-old son.
- How are you? What's your temperature?
- Forty three…
- Do not you say!
- Truth. Mom just measured.
- So what did she say?!
- She said: 37 and 6.

Son (6 years):
- Dad, have you seen living mammoths?
I was surprised:
- They have been for a long time, I did not find them.
He is not far behind:
- Well, did you even manage to make war with the Germans?

The son fell asleep on the couch. Dad decided to shift to the crib. He gently took it in his arms, and the son through a dream: - Put it where you took it.

Three-year-old Arseniy asks: - Dad, are you afraid when there is a thunderstorm in the sky? — No, son. I'm a man! And you? - And I'm a man when the fireworks in the sky!

going on Parent meeting. I liked the parting words of the child - “The main thing, mom, do not trust anyone there! ..”

If a person is drowning, you need to throw him an anchor

We read a book with our daughter (3 years old), we look at the pictures. Next, I ask my daughter, pointing to the anchor on the ship:
- What is it, you know?
- Anchor.
- What is it for?
- If a person is drowning, it is necessary to throw an anchor to him.
In order not to suffer, apparently ...

Margo, do you have a friend in the kindergarten?
- Yes!
- What is her name?
- Seryozha!

On the beach he plays with his new toy- a bow with arrows. He fired and went to look for an arrow, he returns back with an arrow, but sad.
Mom asks: "What happened?"
Ivan: “There, aunt, I got into the room, saying a hundred, I should zenith on her.” He thought a little and said: “No, mom, I’m happy with you.”

Let's get ready:
- Mom, I'll be in the first grade, and Katya (sister) in the fourth?!
- Well, yes.
- You couldn't make us twins?

The doctor comes to the sick child. He sees - his little sister runs barefoot on the floor.
- Come on, beauty, put on slippers, otherwise you will get sick.
After the doctor leaves, the mother notices that the girl is still running barefoot.
- Did you hear what the doctor said?
Yes, he said I was beautiful.

Son (at 4 years old) heard a lot of Russians folk tales.
We walk with him down the street, suddenly in an excited whisper he says to me:
Dad, look, the tractor is digging the Russian earth!

Recently I bought Egorik prunes in white chocolate, I hand him an open package:
- Help yourself.
He looks into it with curiosity, widens his eyes and says:
- Dumplings?! Raw?!

We went with my daughter (10 years old) to the Epic cartoon, where at the end a girl and a boy kiss. Masha loudly:
- Well! And they wrote “0+” at the beginning !!!

Mom! Where are tampons inserted?
Mom, choking on an apple:
- Well ... how can I tell you ... In general, where children come from.
Alice, stunned:
- In a stork, or what?

So guys, how can you help?

The sister's husband is a man of absolute honesty. Since childhood. The son of a father who is a lawyer and a mother who is a medical examiner. To a phone call with a request to call one of the parents, a five-year-old child answered:
- They're not home.
- Where are they?
- Dad is in prison, mom is in the morgue.

Yaroslav (3 years old) went out with the nanny for a walk and noticed how three plumbers were “conjuring” over the open hatch, lowered the cable, and consulted. Yarik, escaping from the nanny, runs to them. Having reached, cautiously, but businesslike, he approaches the repairmen and utters the sacramental:
- Well, guys, help with what?

Son (6 years old) asks:
- Mom, when children grow up, do they live separately from their parents?
- Yes, son, separately.
After a little thought:
- And where are you going?

A wedding is when you come in for a girl to take a walk with her, and you no longer return her to her parents.

Styopa (6 years old):
- Mom, how old are you?
- 30.
- Is it three dozen?
- Yeah. Already. Soon I will grow old and crawl to the cemetery.
- Mom, what are you doing! Papa is even older than you, and he is still alive!

We sit and read with Masha (7 years old) a fairy tale about Ali Baba and the robbers. We reached the cave with gold. I, admiring the charms of colorful drawing, the abundance of wealth, enthusiastically say:
- I would take this gilded jug for myself ... And you, Masha, what?
The answer was dry and short:
- I would take everything out on a gazelle.

Son 2 years 6 months. I took him to the children's hospital for vaccinations.
We are sitting in the vaccination room waiting for my aunt to load the syringe, and suddenly he turns to me and says:
I'll wait for you in the car, okay?!

happy childhood

A friend's daughter got sick. To bring down the temperature of the kids, they rub vodka, but the father of the family is a non-drinker, and at home from alcohol there was only a gift bottle of Chinese vodka with a snake. When they began to rub the child, a terrible putrid smell came from the liquid. The mother was frightened and began to shout to her husband:
- Throw out this dead thing!
The girl started crying
- Don't, mommy, maybe I'll still survive.
When they laughed it off, I had to explain for a long, long time that they loved her and would never throw her away.

A five-year-old girl says to her mother, who is trying on a new fur coat:
- Mommy! How beautiful you are in this fur coat!
- Really? .. - Mom was delighted.
- Truth. You look like a shepherd in it!

I speak with a sigh
- Well, soon I will be 33 years old ...
Daughter:
- Yes, and I'm already nine.

Mom, when I was born, how did you know that my name is Dima?

Mariana (4 years old):
- Mom, let's go to the store!
- No, daughter, no money.
- And go to the ATM, he will give you money!

My daughter (3 years 10 months) conducted an educational program for me yesterday:
The groom is the one who buys ice cream and kisses, and the husband is the one who nails the shelves at home and eats.

The eldest son is 6 years old, the youngest is 2 months old. Mom changes the younger one, and the older one looks at him and says:
- Oh, mom, he's all white, like me! Can you imagine what would have happened if Tyoma had been born with black skin and black hair?
“I can’t imagine,” I say.
- Kapets would be to you, mother!

Grandma dug up my childhood jewelry box. My daughter (4.5 years old), with admiring eyes, examines all this plastic-shell wealth and asks:
Mom, was it all yours?
- Yes.
- God, what a happy childhood you had ...

My eldest daughter once said, looking in the mirror:
- What is my big head there must be a lot of brains in there!
And the youngest says to her:
- Previously, computers were also large, only they worked very slowly.

When he was little, they were going to kindergarten, but my son resists, does not want to wear warm pants. I:
Do you want to leave your mother without grandchildren?
Previously, everything was explained about keeping warm.
He, sighing:
Well, only for the sake of the grandchildren!

Let everyone gasp and die!

Mom says I will meet a smart and kind guy ... But I will most likely just choose the tallest and most blue eyes.

Anya (3 years old) is sitting with a toy phonendoscope in her hands:
- I'm fishing!
- Anya, this is for the doctor!
- Okay, I'm a doctor. What worries you?
- Yes, my throat hurts. You can help?
- I can not.
- Why?!
- I fish...

Grandmother:
Here, Zhenechka, you are already 3 years old. Ask mom and dad to buy you a brother or sister.
Zhenya:
Why spend money? Our mother is still young, she can give birth.

3 years. In the morning:
- Well, daughter, what do you want to wear today?
She dreamily:
- Mommy, dress me so that everyone would gasp and die!

Daughter (6 years old) eats borscht. I suggest taking onion or garlic.
I do not want.
Many microbes and viruses die from onions and garlic.
It would be better if they died of chocolate.

The son (3 years old) walks in tights, inherited from his sister (7 years old).
- Lena! And I'm in your old tights.
- And I'm in your future!

Five-year-old Roma, returning from a walk:
- Wow, how cold it is today, even my eyes are frozen! Well, not the eyes themselves, but the jaws that cover them.

Son (2 years 7 months):
- How difficult it is to put on shorts - there are three holes, and only two legs!

Conversation with son:
- Mom, is sour cream healthy?
- Useful.
- Are greens useful?
- Useful.
- Then buy me chips "sour cream with greens."

AT kindergarten drawing lessons. The teacher approaches the girl, who paints something with rapture:
- What are you drawing?
- God.
- But, after all, no one knows what he looks like!
- Now find out!

If you have small children, carry a notepad with you! Because such phrases that kids sometimes give out must be written down. At a minimum, there will be something to remember and something to laugh at when the child grows up. In the meantime, we invite you to read the statements of other kids, the comicality of which will blow your mind. Good mood guarantee 😉

Son (3.5 years old) crawls on the floor on a pillow.
"Why are you messing up your pillow?"
- This is my saddle, I ride a horse.
Angry, I lift the pillow in order to put it on the bed, and a tortured cat crawls out from under it. It turns out he was a horse.

I wake my son up in the kindergarten in the morning. Vova:
- Mom, lie down next to me, I'll tell you something.
I lay down, he settles comfortably under the side and continues to sleep. Silence. But I'm interested!
- Son, what did you want to tell?
I haven't figured it out yet...

Traffic cops stop the car. In the car, father and 6-year-old son. The father comes out and ingratiatingly holds out the documents to the traffic cop with the words:
- Good afternoon, comrade inspector, here are the rights, here is the insurance, here is the registration certificate, here is the technical inspection, everything is in order, everything is as it should be ...
At this moment, the son opens the glass and loudly asks:
- Dad, where are the goats?

Andrew is 2.5 years old. Before the New Year, my mother prepared a whole bowl of Olivier and stands over it, bending her fingers:
- So-a-ak, I put the sausage in the salad, cut the potatoes, peas ...
Andrey (quietly-quietly):
- And I poured compote there ...

A five-year-old nephew is asked what he wants to be:
– Danya, do you want to be a pilot?
No, they break...
- Well, then the captain?
No, they're drowning...
- And then who do you want?
- Will I make mattresses?
- Why?
- Did it - lay down, did it - lay down ...

Leo is 6 years old. We go with him to the neurologist. Lyovka is naughty - the doctors are tired of him. I tell him:
- This doctor will not do anything to you, he will only talk.
- Is that all?
- Well, maybe it will knock with a hammer, but it doesn't hurt.
We've arrived, let's go. Doctor:
- Hello, Lyovushka!
- Hello! Well, where is your ax?!

Son is 15 months old. I can't ride public transport because I'm dying of laughter. We go in, sit down, the son chooses a nearby young man smiling sweetly and saying:
- Dad!
Many "dads" got off at the nearest bus stop...

Veronica and her mother are driving from the Christmas tree. They were stopped by a traffic cop minor violation and issue a fine. Veronica says: “Do not swear at mommy: take all the sweets from me, become kind and will not pester people with all sorts of nonsense.” Veronika Merzlikina, 5 years old

Kirill (2 years 1 month) on the street saw a man coming out of the entrance and, without unnecessary greetings, he addresses:
- Did you go for a walk?
The man was taken aback:
- Yeah
- Did you wear a hat?
- Yes.
And put on mittens. Cold. Very cold.

Mum:
- Son! Who taught you these bad words?!
Son:
- Santa Claus, when he tripped over my bike at night!

Children's karate section (children 4-5 years old). Conducted by: Andrei Mstislavovich and Gennady Miroslavovich. Of course, children cannot pronounce Andrei's middle name, so they simply call him "Andrey", which Gennady makes fun of, they say, he did not deserve it.
History itself: an open lesson. Break. One of the kids separates from the crowd and goes to the "sensei". Hesitating, he asks:
- Gennady Mimosralovich, can I go to the toilet?
When Andrei's laughter subsided, Gennady gathered all the children and said:
- From this day on, I'm just Gena for you! And nothing else!

Role-playing games. Masha is about two years old. Our mother is a goat, Masha, of course, is a kid. The unsuspecting dad enters the room and hears the commanding voice of his daughter:
- Goat! Pour juice!
You should have seen his eyes...

We came to church, we pray, people sing (read prayers). Yarik (2.5 years old) passes by and looks attentively at the women.
- Aunt, don't! It is necessary: ​​geese-geese, ha-ha-ha, you want to eat, yes-yes-yes ...
The curtain.

Denis comes home from school and says to his mother:
- Mom, the teacher told us to bring blood from the nose!
- And what should I bring?
- Nosebleeds!