Alcohol addiction is a dangerous disease that causes the development of other equally serious pathological processes. If the father is an alcoholic, narcologists and psychotherapists know what to do in this case.

Causes of father's alcoholism

In order for alcohol addiction therapy to be more effective, it is necessary to understand the situation and understand what caused the development of the disease. There are several reasons why people start drinking strong drinks regularly. This mostly happens if:

Having understood the factors influencing the development of alcoholism, it is necessary to choose the right strategy that will help a sick person get rid of the anomaly. Only with a competent approach will the desired result be achieved.

Drinking people sincerely believe that they can stop at any moment.

It should be understood that an alcohol-dependent father will deny the existence of a problem. If trying to talk him into quitting drinking or going into rehab therapy doesn't work, don't stop. Any delay can further aggravate the patient's condition.

How to behave with a drinking father?

A person for whom alcohol becomes the meaning of life is a serious problem for others. Due to addiction to alcoholic beverages, his children may develop codependency. With this pathology, a person becomes completely attached to a drunkard.

In dealing with an alcoholic, psychotherapists advise children to avoid educational conversations. Such dialogues can cause aggression and further worsen the situation with the disease. Communicating with the sick, relatives need to maintain a friendly attitude. Otherwise, the alcoholic will begin to perceive loved ones as enemies.

It is recommended to limit the alcohol addict's access to alcohol. You should not give him money for strong drinks. You need to understand that when buying a drink for a patient, relatives not only interfere with the recovery of the drunkard, but also approve the use of alcohol by their actions.

During a hangover, experts advise not to show pity and compassion for the patient. This will help him feel the full negative effects of drinking.

Threats are recommended to be replaced with a calm tone. Children of a drunkard need to understand that alcohol addiction is a disease that requires a comprehensive approach. Before taking any action, it is advisable to consult with a specialist.

How can you help an alcoholic?

It is quite difficult to get rid of an addiction at home. It is possible to confine yourself to the treatment of alcohol dependence at home at stage 1 of the anomaly. In more complex cases, medical assistance is recommended.

To do this, children need to convince their father to undergo treatment in a hospital. Under the supervision of specialists, the quality of therapy will be much higher. During rehabilitation, the following therapeutic elements are used:

• drug treatment;
• psychological consultations;
• physiotherapy.

The duration of therapy depends on the clinical picture, alcohol experience, age and sex of the patient. The presence of chronic diseases can also affect the therapeutic strategy. The narcologist prescribes medications that help remove the decomposition products of ethyl alcohol, as well as restore the balance of minerals and vitamins.

For psycho-emotional disorders, sedatives are used. To overcome alcohol addiction, a specialist may prescribe drugs that cause dislike for drinking to the patient. Making a choice in favor of home treatment, many stop at prescriptions traditional medicine. In this case, you will need infusions and decoctions of herbs, which, like drugs, allow you to form an aversion to alcohol.

Is there any chance that the father will stop drinking?

Statistical data confirm that with the full completion of the rehabilitation course, in 9 out of 10 cases, a period of remission begins. Forecasts largely depend on the stage at which the relatives of the alcohol addict turned to specialists.

It takes 5-7 days to cope with the pathological process. The duration of treatment depends on the stage of the disease. The most difficult thing after rehabilitation is to consolidate the achieved effect.

Not always therapy gives instant results. Therefore, when deciding to help your father, you need to be patient. Working with a psychologist will help prevent relapses. Consultations with a specialist will help to find the root cause of alcohol addiction, as well as change the patient's behavior model to a more natural and constructive one. Only under the condition of restoring psycho-emotional balance is it possible to definitely exclude a return to addiction.

I wandered for two days

The money ran out very quickly and I wanted to eat. Some older guys pestered me, invited me to their place. It was scary. At the station, I approached a woman who seemed kind to me and asked her for a coin for a pay phone.

She asked why, and I honestly told her that I had run away from home and wanted to call my mother. The woman got alarmed, took me to a pay phone, made sure that I called my mother, and then she talked to her herself and told my mother that she would take me to her, told me where she lives. We went to her, she fed me.

A couple of hours later my mother came and took me home. At home, she tried to find out why I did it. And I asked to leave my father, not to live with him. I couldn't see him die.

But my mother told me to be patient. And I realized again that nothing will change. Then I made my first adult, conscious decision. I need to study in order to enter and leave my parental home.

The day after graduation, I left my parents' house.

I couldn’t not visit my parents at all, I depended on them financially. But I rarely went home and for a couple of days.

Recently in our city happened terrible tragedy. The boy committed suicide. The boy lost his nerve, the child could not stand it. Having learned this story, I suddenly remembered how once my nerves had given up. Just like I once could not endure the collapse of my universe.

I experienced again all those black emotions. I was scared and sorry. And inside grew a black lump that threatened to explode.

I wanted to walk alone. I went outside and found the Big Dipper. And then I remembered where I got this habit from. Dad taught me to find the Big Dipper, and other constellations from it.

Memories flooded from all corners and nooks and crannies of my memory. I cried out loud. My subconscious, along with the story of my escape, also removed the memories of all the good things that happened in my childhood.

And it's all about dad

I only remembered him drunk, angry, I remembered how he stole my pocket money and bed linen, which was bought for me as a dowry. I remember how he beat me. My most important feeling towards my parents was resentment.

But now I'm an adult. And you can see a lot from a different angle. And try to understand, and maybe forgive.

It's bad, very bad, that my father started drinking. He could not find another way out, he turned out to be, perhaps, a weakling ... But he - best dad in the world. And my childhood was happy. I have something good to remember. And everything that was bad, as my grandmother says: “Let him go to the dry forest” ...

That same evening, I called my parents and asked my dad if he remembered the fairy tale that I read first. “Tiny-Khavroshechka,” dad said with a laugh, “how can I forget her, I listened to her for a year and a half in the evenings. And then they were looking for the Big Dipper.

Repost from the internet

Hello friends!

We regularly receive letters at the "Psychologist's Cabinet" in which the authors ask how to get along with an alcoholic. Write, mostly women - wives and daughters of alcoholics. They ask how to protect small children, how not to let themselves and them offend during periods of drinking bouts. And, most importantly, how to help ("not let the abyss") to your alcoholic.

Why did I decide to devote an entire article to this difficult topic? The reason is simple: I personally know several people (my once close friends) who were raised in a family with an alcoholic father. I will give two examples - you can draw your own conclusions.

The first example is a friend of mine who grew up in a family with an alcoholic father.

All childhood, the guy watched his drunken father - they lived in a one-room apartment. He spent his free time mainly in the yard.

Mother was saved by work and trips with friends: “What did I not see at home? Drunk husband? she explained to her friends. I “took” on my son already at school, when I realized that I had to somehow put the boy on his feet.

I didn’t even think about getting a divorce - it was a pity to leave a person: “He will be lost without me.”

My friend from childhood despised drinking and said that he himself would never become such a husband and father. And what happened in the end? Now he is in his 30s, has a wife and two small children. Drinks.

An example of the second is my old dacha friend who grew up in a family with an alcoholic father.

She loved her father very much, but her mother also felt sorry for her - she understood that this was not "". I watched my father's binges, the sobs of my mother and my grandmother. She didn't drink.

Do you think, in the end, she drank herself, like my friend? Oh no, everything is more serious - she married an alcoholic.

Probably, someone will think that I was just unlucky with the examples. But, unfortunately, they are typical. As evidence, I present to your attention an article-call by Irina on this sore subject.

UNTITLED

(Each woman can call her whatever she pleases )

Dear women! You are busy with a drunken husband ... and what happens at this time with your child? Ask yourself this question.

In my practice, I have repeatedly encountered the problem of drunkenness. This problem in one way or another is present in many families. Written a large number of literature on this topic. This problem is devoted scientific work, it is studied in scientific institutes. The Telephone Trust Services are often contacted by women suffering from alcoholic husbands, drinking sons.

And this problem is not only in our country. It can be called one of the world's problems, universal! Life with a drinker, even if he has not yet become an alcoholic, is life on a powder keg, anything can happen. A woman living with a drunken husband must fight and defend herself all the time. It's practically a war.

And in this war, a woman should try to keep her and her children physically and mentally safe! And this is very difficult. And yet, an adult woman is aware of what is happening in her family, and, making a choice in favor of further life with an alcoholic or a divorce from him, takes responsibility for the consequences. E. Berne, in his book "Games People Play", perfectly described this in the game "Alcoholic". But I would like to make some comments about children living in families with an alcoholic parent. Usually it is the father.

I won't touch on those dire cases where both parents are alcoholics, or the child lives with one alcoholic parent in the absence of the other parent. Most often, these parents are deprived parental rights and the child then lives separately from them. This usually does not make the child happier or relieve him of many psychological problems, but that's another topic.

A child in his family comprehends the wisdom of relationships with the opposite sex, in particular, on the example of the relationship of his own parents. He learns role-playing relationships (mom-dad, man-woman). Moreover, there is a kind of "absorption", at an unconscious level, of behavioral reactions.

The child perceives the relationship of the parents as normal, even if they give the impression of being ugly and even vicious to an outside observer.

This is a very big danger. I'll try to tell you how I understand it. All people are characterized by basic anxiety, but its manifestation in a person's life, intensification or decrease, largely depends on the external conditions that affect the person.

So, a drunken father, if at the same time he still scandalizes and raises his hand against his mother and children, causes a very great fear in the child. Even if the father does not beat and does not make a big scandal, the child, seeing how upset the mother is, also experiences great fear. For him, his parents are protection and support, and he sees how this protection is crumbling!

But this is one moment. There are others. Alcoholism is not contagious in a physiological sense, but it is contagious in a psychological sense.

Often in families where the father is a drinker, the son, having matured, also begins to drink. The son, watching his father's drunkenness, begins to believe that it is also quite possible to live like this. The father avoids responsibility, does not solve problems, but the family continues to exist, and the mother takes all or almost all responsibility for the family, performs all the functions of the family's life. The boy doesn't think like that logically, it happens almost unconsciously.

In addition, the mother often hides from others or significantly downplays this dependence of her husband out of fear or shame. It is especially affected by the fact that often the mother pretends that everything is fine. Such ambivalent (dual) behavior of the mother contributes to the fact that the child is lost and does not know how to react to the situation. He (the child) may experience anger at his parents, but this duality makes him unconsciously or consciously repress this anger.

Gradually, the son develops a certain stereotype of behavior, for example, in a situation where he does not know how to behave or does not want to be responsible for something. His answer is to drink. Of course, a child can start drinking in non-drinking families, but there are other reasons. And there are always reasons. The same applies to the daughter - very often in later life she chooses a drinking husband.

The girl already knows how to react to his drunkenness, she knows how to behave with him. This understates it, which arose in parental family, severe anxiety. The behavior of her drinking husband is quite expected for her.

Here, the “victim” complex, formed in her family with drinking father. The “victim” always has a secondary benefit, no matter how harsh it sounds. This benefit is the sympathy of others, the desire to be a “savior”, to be needed by this drinking man. At the same time, the woman believes that without her, her alcoholic husband will disappear. In families where fathers drink, the following sometimes happens.

The mother or other relatives, wanting to make the child feel responsible, ask him "to look after" a drinking father. This is done, as it seems to them, out of good intentions, for educational purposes. The fallacy of this method is that the child is thus included in this intra-family game "Alcoholic". Under the "game" E. Berne understands "a sequence of actions that are subject to individual, not social programs, in contrast to pastime." This does not mean that the games are not serious. They are often violent, even deadly, and often the games of a lifetime! In my practice, there was also such a case:

A 16-year-old girl lived with her mother and drinking father. Her mother and other relatives tried to influence her father, he even coded. But later he returned to drinking anyway, and all the relatives, and the girl's mother, gave up the fight and decided to leave everything as it is. By type: "Come what may."

The father is a “quiet drunkard”, considers himself a sufferer, etc. The girl loved him and pitied him. And she made a promise to herself that she would get her father out of drunkenness.

What happened here?

There was a substitution of roles: the girl moved from the role of a daughter to the role of a “savior”, which is usually performed by wives. She intervened in marital relations (husband-wife) - this role is also performed by mothers in relation to children.

Thus, she crossed out the parent-child relationship with her own father. She took on the role of wife or mother with all the ensuing consequences: the girl took responsibility for her father, which often negatively affects all relationships in the family, including with her mother.

It is the parents who are responsible for their minor children, not the other way around! Of course, the girl did all this out of the best of intentions, out of love for her father, without thinking about any roles and family levels.

Often in families with a drinking father, the mother, wanting to prove to the children the harmfulness of drunkenness, exposes the father as an "anti-example", in every possible way setting the children against him. If at the same time the father is a “quiet drunkard”, then the child, striving for a kind of justice, begins to feel sorry for his father and enters into a silent, and sometimes declared, coalition against his mother.

If the father is aggressive at the same time, and the child agrees (if only in his soul) with his mother, then he (the child) psychologically loses his father. But a child cannot not have a father! Then often in later life he will transfer his desire to have a father to other people.

So, a girl can look for her father in her husband, and a boy in a friend, boss, psychotherapist, etc. And then there will be a substitution of roles. After all, a husband, a boss are one role, and a father is a completely different one. Father - blood relative and will remain so forever, whatever it may be. They have different functions and cannot be mixed.

In the event that a woman decides to hang out with her husband because of his drunkenness(or other reason), she should not consult with the child about this. She herself decides to break off the marital relationship. This is her area of ​​responsibility. You can not push children to break the parent-child relationship (I do not consider monster parents).

A mother can explain that she does not want and cannot live with a drunkard husband, but he still remains a father for a son or daughter with such a problem, illness, etc. Dad loves the child, but he decided to continue drinking, and nothing can be done. You can find different words to explain with the child, but the main thing is that he (the child) has the knowledge that his parents love him, and he can continue to love each of them (both mom and dad).

To feel the harmony of the world, a child needs to understand that he has a mom and dad. Divorce ends the relationship between husband and wife, not father and child.

I can say that many psychologists insist that children should not be involved in the so-called intra-family situation "Alcoholism or drunkenness and the fight against them" at all. This is very difficult to do, especially if the child lives with a drinking family member. In conclusion, I want to say: do not burden the child with unnecessary responsibility!

Adults (parents in particular) are responsible for their actions and their lives! And drinking is a conscious choice of an adult! I want to recommend to women, one way or another faced with the problem of drunkenness and alcoholism, the book of an excellent psychologist and psychotherapist E.V. Emelyanova "How to communicate with a drunken husband" (Publishing house "Rech" St. Petersburg, 2008) This book contains practical practical advice to women.

Irina, practicing psychologist

That's it, friends. I hope you found the article interesting and useful. But at the same time, not relevant. I wish you all never face such problems.

I would love to hear your opinions on the topic. What do you think? Are there examples of life in a family with an alcoholic among your acquaintances? Perhaps there are stories even with a happy ending? I also recommend this one, they say it helps.

(18 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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72 comments

The hardest thing in a family where dad drinks is the child. Dramatically changing behavior, unpredictability of reactions, aggression, quarrels and scandals hurt the psyche of children. They cannot help but love their parents, so they are looking for ways to save the family from trouble. It is difficult to realize and accept the fact of alcoholism of the father and already grown children if the addiction to alcohol appeared in adulthood.

The onset of the disease

Emotions experienced in childhood are sharply and painfully imprinted in the mind, the children of drinking parents are always different from children from prosperous families.

Drinking dad is very embarrassing, it can bring trouble, it is a constant threat of scandal, but you can’t tell anyone about this.

Often the children of drunkards perceive what is happening in this way and do not know what to do and whom to turn to for help.

They learn early to hide their emotions, they are silent about the fact that dad offends them and mom, but all this leads to the destruction of the personality. Next to the child there should be a wise and understanding person who can be completely trusted - a relative, a teacher, a psychologist educational institution. Knowing about the problems in the family, others should try to help the little person.

Causes of Addiction

The state of intoxication is very similar to the disease. The hangover syndrome that follows leaves no doubt in the child that dad is seriously ill.

As an adult, the child begins to blame himself for what is happening:

• brought bad grades;
• did not cope with the assigned task;
• I couldn’t pull myself up as many times as my dad wanted.

Important! In fact, the reasons why the head of the family began to pawn behind the collar have nothing to do with the child. The root of evil is in the alcoholic himself, the rest is speculation in an attempt to justify himself.

Dad can drink for the following reasons:

Many more reasons can be found to explain alcoholism. But the main thing is weakness of will, unwillingness to solve problems, the search for the easiest way. A man tries to forget and not think, he believes that the problem will be solved by itself or will cease to excite.

How to react

A lot of scary stories can be remembered by everyone who finds himself in the same house with an alcoholic father. Often children hate their fathers, cross them out of life, subconsciously feeling guilty for not being able to save them.

But what if dad drinks? Any attempt to stand up for herself or mom turns into beatings or reproaches, mom forgives dad and gives him chance after chance, but with every booze, the father becomes more and more terrible.

There are several important things that children from such families should know:

• no need to provoke a drunken father, shout at him or appeal to his conscience - he still won’t understand;
• drunkenness and alcoholism is a disease that changes the personality of a person, but it can be treated;
• to abandon his father just because he drinks without trying to fight is to betray him;
• no need to take seriously everything that a parent says while intoxicated - the disease speaks for him;
• aggressive behavior, attempts to hit - this is a life-threatening situation, while it is not a shame to run away to call someone for help;
• if the father tends to show aggression, you need to keep any piercing and cutting objects as far as possible so that the man does not injure himself or others.

A quiet or angry alcoholic father is equally scary, and it equally requires adult intervention.

You need to try to explain this to your mother before child protection specialists intervene, together to persuade your father to accept help. Doctors can help save the father by prescribing treatment in specialized clinics or at home. There are effective medicines and methods for this.

But if there is no one to save yourself, treatment will not help. Therefore, the family should support the drinking person, his attempts to recover, and not turn away from him.

How can you help

If your father suffers from alcohol addiction, this is a serious problem. But they say love works wonders. Even a child can try to help his father if he gets through to his mind.

Walks every day

Psychologists often talk about the anxiety and emotional problems of a child who sees how dad suddenly started drinking a bottle of beer or a glass of cognac every day.

An open letter from a reader! Pulled the family out of the hole! I was on the edge. My husband started drinking almost immediately after we got married. First, a little bit, go to the bar after work, go to the garage with a neighbor. I came to my senses when he began to come back every day very drunk, rude, drinking away his salary. It really got scary the first time I pushed. Me, then my daughter. The next morning he apologized. And so on in a circle: lack of money, debts, swearing, tears and ... beatings. And in the mornings, apologies. Whatever we tried, we even coded. Not to mention conspiracies (we have a grandmother who seemed to pull everyone out, but not my husband). After coding, I didn’t drink for six months, everything seemed to get better, they began to live like a normal family. And one day - again, he stayed at work (as he said) and dragged himself on his eyebrows in the evening. I still remember my tears that night. I realized that there is no hope. And about two or two and a half months later, I came across an alcotoxin on the Internet. At that time, I had already completely given up, my daughter left us altogether, began to live with a friend. I read about the drug, reviews and description. And, not particularly hoping, I bought it - there is nothing to lose at all. And what do you think?! I began to add drops to my husband in the morning in tea, he did not notice. Three days later he came home on time. Sober!!! A week later, he began to look more decent, his health improved. Well, then I confessed to him that I was slipping the drops. He reacted adequately to a sober head. As a result, I drank a course of alkotoxins, and for half a year no-no alcohol, I was promoted at work, my daughter returned home. I'm afraid to jinx it, but life has become new! Every evening I mentally thank the day when I found out about this miracle remedy! I recommend to everyone! Save families and even lives! Read about the remedy for alcoholism.

Neither mom nor dad even thought to explain to the child that the father watches sports programs and thus “sicks” for his pets, or doctors recommended that this is how to relax before going to bed, or a drink with the smell of alcohol is just one of the medicines.

In this case, the child needs help with his vivid imagination and unwillingness to share experiences with his parents. It is important to explain to him that if nothing has changed in the family, if the behavior of the father remains the same, as well as the attitude towards family members, then there is nothing to be afraid of.

It is good if the situation is not as terrible as the imagination of a receptive and emotional child draws. To calm him down, a simple frank conversation is enough.

Problems in vodka

The situation is different if the younger members of the family are well aware that dad drinks vodka. Seeing a drunken father every day is a real test. But drunken alcoholics also have periods of enlightenment, when you can simply explain how your loved ones feel, how hard it is to look at a man descending, and try to persuade him to seek help.

Do not immediately blame the father for alcoholism, because only a doctor can make a diagnosis. A conversation with a respected person who inspires confidence, a frank conversation with the head of the family will help to achieve consent for assistance.

Sudden breakdowns

Sometimes grief or stress plunges a person into an abyss of despair. He begins to drink often and a lot, trying to forget himself. In this situation, it is important to find the reason for what is happening, to make it clear that there are people nearby who care about the man and who are ready to help.

The father may not understand how strong the addiction has become, this can be explained quite simply:

Of course, it is imperative to choose the right moment when dad is sober, not aggressive. In a family where everything was fine before, such methods help to break through to consciousness, to return a person to normal life.

Fathers and Sons

It is difficult when the father started drinking in adulthood. Realizing that he has grown old and is not needed by children, relatives, that now they can do just fine without him, an elderly man can start taking alcohol.

At any age, parents need attention and constant confirmation that they are needed. A favorite business or hobby saves from addiction: walking in the forest, traveling, working with wood, clay or iron. You need to help your father find what he likes.

Papa may miss ordinary communication. It is worth teaching him how to work on a computer, show groups, forums with topics of interest to him, social networks in which he can find old acquaintances.

Treat or support?

Ordinary abuse can be stopped with persuasion and psychological help. But when the father honestly says that he cannot stop himself, one should think about drug treatment. Especially when it comes to an older person.

Before starting the treatment of alcoholism, it is necessary to consider the following nuances:

1. Alcohol destroys all organs, increases the risk of premature death from heart attacks and strokes. Therefore, treatment must be comprehensive.
2. Self-medication, a sharp rejection of alcohol can also cause irreparable harm.
3. The joint work of psychologists, cardiologists, therapists will help reduce the likelihood of serious complications.
4. Accompanying psychologists and care will be required until the end of life.

Important! Never lose hope and panic. Even children should know that one should not be afraid to ask for help, it is necessary to sound the alarm as early as possible in order to save the head of the family.

Special Video: The Power of Prayer

In addition to support and patience from loved ones, as well as special treatment, there are other options for dealing with alcoholism. It is believed that sincere prayers for a loved one can help a lot. Watch the video to find out how best to do it.

The main thing is not to give up and not despair. Then the problem will definitely be solved.

Conclusion

When dad drinks, it's bad, but not ashamed, there is no one's fault in this. Alcoholism is a disease that needs treatment. Awareness of this will help to cope with pain and prejudices, to achieve attention to the problem of both family members and specialists who can pull a man out of the clutches of a green snake.