Hi, I'm 30 years old, married for five years. I never wanted children, before marriage we discussed this topic, in general, we found each other. And now I’ll tell you how I finally became convinced that I want to live only for myself, my husband and parents.

At my girlfriend Small child her husband died suddenly. My husband and I always help her. She is like a sister to me. Once my husband went on a business trip, and I went to my friend to sit with the little one, and she rested. I stayed alone for the whole day with the child (he knows me well, he always stays calm with me, sooooo active, noisy, in general, it is with him that you can experience all the delights of motherhood).

I got used to the role of "mother, mistress of the house" as much as possible. We played at home, went for a walk, because a friend teaches her to eat and go to the potty on her own, then no diapers, in general, she washed his clothes, washed the floors, cooked dinner for us with a friend in the evening, the food for the child was prepared in advance.

In short, I tried to do everything that mothers on maternity leave do every single day. At night, I also slept in a room with a child, a friend slept in another room. But this is only a small part of what I had to face. I concluded for myself: I will be happy to help, but I don’t want such a life for myself.

Members of the forum, how did you understand that you do not want such responsibility? Please, if you want to comment, comment only on the case.
By the way, my name is Alina.

Anonymous

The news from Samara about a 9-year-old girl threw me into a panic again. The daughter goes to school and from school alone, through the yards and through the park, there is no other way. I'm very scared for her. There is no way to follow. She already saw an exhibitionist in the park last year. But it's okay, little things. As long as it's alive. I die every time she doesn't answer the phone. One day I got a call from the school that she was not in class, but she left the house in the morning, as usual. I seem to have turned gray while calling her. It turned out that she and her girlfriend just decided to take a walk and went to her girlfriend's house.

Moms. How do you deal with panic in your children? Especially after news like this. How does he ensure their safety? I have no way to hire an escort. We live with our daughter. She is 11 years old. She is my whole life, if something happens to her, my life is meaningless. But I can't lock her up at home and not let her out anywhere.

I told her about all sorts of dangers a hundred times. What to stay away from single men. That the phone should always be charged and in your pocket at hand. What if something alarmed you have to run away as fast as you can. What if you need to yell loudly and attract the attention of all passers-by. That you need to turn to your aunts for help. What else am I missing?

In the rays of the setting sun

Good day everyone.
Girls, maybe the topic will seem funny to someone - *can't she decide for herself*. Yes, I can’t, I hesitate and doubt. Broke my whole head.
So I'm asking for an outside perspective.
Remarque - there is a child of 5 years old, alone in the city, none of the relatives.
Given - I'm working now, I don't really like the work, the working conditions are not very good - noisy, cold. ZP 25-28 on hand.
The biggest pluses from this job are not far from home, several bus stops and I finish at 16.00. at 16.30 I am already in the garden, picking up my son. One of the first. And we can have time with him for absolutely any circles and classes. Or go home early.
Now they are offering a place to work, I like the activity, the working conditions are excellent, the salary is 40. But the organization is located in the industrial zone, there is no public transport, I am not a driver. The organization has corporate transport, in the morning and in the evening, and it seems to be excellent, and travel is free. But it takes quite a long time. That's what all my experiences are about. The son will have to be brought to the garden very first, and taken one of the last, about 6. All sections within walking distance start classes earlier (we went to football by 17.30). , so we won't get anywhere else. And there is no one else to drive, as I wrote at the beginning. Or sometimes, if necessary, I can spend 2 hours after work (from 4 to 6 pm) on myself, while the child is in the garden, without dragging him with me - to the clinic, somewhere on the other side of the city, etc.
In general, I don’t understand yet, am I a fool that I can refuse more money, or a bad mother who plans to devote less time to the child, and to herself.
What would you do?

Oh Lesya

Honestly, I wanted to use the right of anonymity, but ....
In short, where to get patience? How not to lose self-control when everything is brought out by the child (senior) with his behavior as well.

Tired of dressing and undressing a child every day in the garden (from the garden), tired of enduring his eternal "I want and period", got his psychos with throwing everything at hand. There is not enough patience and time to calmly explain to the child why it is impossible, why this, why this. Well, for example, we are going to the street, I collect the younger ones, I will prepare clothes for the older one and ask him to dress himself. And he “I don’t want to go out and I won’t go” ... And I have to sleep on the street with my youngest and have to sleep, there is no one to leave the elder with. And now everything will rest against the horn ... There is no time for negotiations, persuasion.

Psychos begin on my part, Thu the child is stubborn ... To collect in the garden - mom dress, from the garden they came - mom, undress, eat "feed mom." And the child, by the way, will soon be 5 years old. Yes, I understand, jealousy and all that in connection with the presence of the youngest. But... How long will it last?? I'm already explosive, and when the brain drain starts, it's all for me ... put out the light.

I read and talked with a psychologist. Everyone seems to be talking nicely. But according to them, I have to look at the child who pushes me, throws chairs, etc. for the fact that I forbade him cartoons, and to say like a mantra that "son, I understand that you are upset" and wait for it all to pass ... There are a lot of such moments. When in the mood - a golden child, but one prohibition is enough (the same cartoon) - such stubbornness begins that .... rrrr hunting growl.

P.S. honestly, comments like "the child is spoiled and get it" - by !! Angry, wound up in the morning, I can’t help it, because it’s clearly not visible behind the screen how we raise a child.

Admins, move to the right section, please, I can’t even figure out where to write better.
Mom, where can I get this very patience and calmness? how not to put on the neck of a child?

Anonymous

What about me, bald? I also want to be anonymous.
Here's what I just read. article about addiction intellectual abilities child from the age of the mother at the time of his birth. Looking ahead (if suddenly someone is too lazy to read), I will say that British scientists have found that later (born after 35) children are smarter.
So, article.
Scientists have indicated the exact age at which a woman will give birth to the smartest child
Is the statement that the first child should be born before the age of thirty a thing of the past? Recent research by scientists provides a new perspective on the future of motherhood.

Does it exist best age for childbirth? Recent studies by British and Swedish scientists are surprising. We are talking about the age at which a woman will give birth to the smartest child. Sounds interesting, right?
Until now, there was a widespread belief that a woman should give birth to her first child before the age of thirty. This border for last years shifted. What is it connected with? Future parents in our time are more aware of motherhood. They want to provide the right conditions for parenting before they decide to give birth. And such couples will delight latest research scientists whose results provide food for thought.
A UK research team has published a study in the International Journal of Epidemiology. They followed children aged 10-11 born in 1958, 1970 and 2001. The purpose of this study was to test the cognitive abilities of children. It turned out that the children of 1958 and 1970, whose mothers gave birth at the age of 25-29, did well on the tasks. They were developed according to their age. The surprise was babies born since 2001. They fared much better on tests. Their cognitive abilities were beyond their age. Women gave birth to them at the age of 35 to 40 years.
A Swedish study confirms this thesis. Experts emphasize that children born at a later age are stronger and more determined to learn, thanks to which they receive higher education and drop out of school less often.

According to the researchers, there is a relationship between a child's intelligence and later motherhood. The older we are, the more consciously we approach motherhood, the decision to have children. Our maturity and life experiences also influence how we raise a child. When parents have life experience, it is easier and better for them to raise children.
But we must not forget about an important issue - the risk of various diseases in children associated with late motherhood.

Guinness Book of Records

Motherhood

Most children

The largest number of children born to one mother, according to official data, is 69. According to reports made in 1782, between 1725 and 1765. The wife of a Russian peasant Fyodor Vasiliev gave birth 27 times, giving birth to twins 16 times, triplets 7 times and 4 twins 4 times. Of these, only 2 children died in infancy.

Of our contemporaries, Leontina Albina (or Alvina) from San Antonio, Chile, who in 1943-81 is considered the most prolific mother. gave birth to 55 children. As a result of the first 5 pregnancies, she gave birth to triplets, and exclusively male.

A record 38 births are said to have been given to Elizabeth Greenhill of Abbots Langley, c. Hertfordshire, UK. She had 39 children - 32 daughters and 7 sons - and died in 1681.

At the age of 63, on July 18, 1994, Rosanna Dalla Corta from Viterbo, Italy, gave birth to a boy; before that, she had undergone treatment for infertility. Arceli Keh, 63, also gave birth in 1996, according to the University of Southern California.

For 128 days ahead of time Brenda Gill Ottawa, Ontario Ave., Canada, May 20, 1987 had a son, James Gill. was 624

The longest intervals between birth actag in multiple pregnancies

Peggy Lynn from Huntington, pc. Pennsylvania! United States, gave birth to a girl, Hanna, on November 11, 1995, and the second of the twins, Erica, was only 84 days old (February 2, 1996).

The most long separation two twins

Iris Jones and Aro Campbell (b. 1914) met after a 75-year separation.

Multiple births

Siamese twins

United twins began to be called “Siamese” after Chang and Eng Bunkers were born fused in the sternum on May 11, 1811 in the Meklong area in Siam (Thailand). They married Sarah and Adelaide Yates of pc. North Carolina, USA, and had 10 and 12 children, respectively. They died in 1874, and with a difference of 3 hours.

The most extreme form of this phenomenon is a human being with two heads, four arms and two legs. (dicephales tetrabrachius dipus). The only recorded case of this kind is Masha and Dasha Krivoshlyapov, who were born in January 1950. in USSR.

The first successful operation to separate Siamese twins was performed on December 14, 1952 at Mount Sinai Hospital, Cleveland, pc. Ohio, USA Dr. Jacques S. Geller.

The largest number of multiple births in one family

Maddalena Pomegranate from Italy (b. 1839) had triplets born 15 times.

There is also information about the birth on May 29, 1971 in Philadelphia, pc. Pennsylvania, USA, and in May 1977 in Bagarhat, Bangladesh, 11 twins. In both cases, no child survived.

Oldest person (documented)

In Arles, France, in August 1997, 122-year-old Jeanne Louise Calmat, born February 21, 1875, died. To date, the oldest person is Marie Louise Febron-Meyler, Quebec Ave, Canada, who is 116 years old.

The oldest twin

February 14, 1803 in Effington, pc. Virginia, USA, Eli Shadrak Phipps and John Meshak Phipps were born. Eli was the first to die at the age of 108. It was February 23, 1911.

The oldest triplets

Faith, Hope and Charity Cardwell were born in Elm Mott, pc. Texas, USA, May 18, 1899. Faith was the first to die on October 2, 1994 at the age of 95.

The oldest quadruple

Adolf, Anna-Maria, Emma and Elisabeth Ottmann were born on May 5, 1912. in Munich, Germany. Adolf was the first to die on March 17, 1992, at the age of 79.

Most offspring

In countries where polygamy is legal, a person can have an uncountable number of children. It is said that the Sultan of Morocco Moulay Ismail (1672-1727) by 1703 had 525 sons and 342 daughters, and in 1721, when he was 49 years old, he became the father of the 700th son.

On the day he passed away at the age of 96 in October 1992, Samuel S. Maeth of Freiberg, NY. Pennsylvania, USA, had a total of 824 living descendants: 11 children, 97 grandchildren, 634 great-grandchildren and 82 great-great-grandchildren.

Descendants spanning the largest number of generations

Augusta Bunge from pcs. Wisconsin, USA Became a great-great-great-great-grandmother on January 21, 1989 at the age of 110 when her great-great-great-granddaughter had a son, Christopher John Bollig.

The largest number living ancestors

At the time of her birth in 1982, Megan Sue Austin, Bar Harbor, pc. Maine, USA, had 19 direct ascendants, which included a full set of grandparents, great-grandparents, and 5 great-great-grandparents relatives.

Most fertile pregnancies

Dr. Gennaro Montanino, Rome, Italy, claims to have removed, in July 1971, the embryos of 10 girls and 5 boys from the uterus of a 35-year-old woman who was 4 months pregnant. This unique case of 15-fertility was the result of infertility pills.

9 children - the largest number in one pregnancy - were born on June 13, 1971 by Geraldine Broadrick in Sydney, Australia. 5 boys and 4 girls were born: 2 boys were stillborn, and none of the rest survived more than 6 days.

The birth of 10 twins (2 boys and 8 girls) is known from reports from Spain (1924), China (1936) and Brazil (April 1946).

infectious diseases

"Ancient" diseases

Already in 1350 BC. in ancient Egypt, cases of leprosy were described.

Egyptian mummies dating back to the 20th Dynasty (1250-1000 BC) have been found to have traces of an infectious liver and kidney disease such as (Tuberculosis Schistosomiasis).

In the biblical Old Testament, and are mentioned.

The “newest” disease

At the very Lately an infectious disease has been discovered the new kind Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease leading to dementia. In all likelihood, the disease is caused by a tiny fragment of a protein called a prion. It is transmitted to humans from infected bovine spongiform encephalitis (BSE) in cattle.

Most widespread disease

The most widespread infectious disease is a disease of the upper respiratory tract. There are at least 40 different viruses (transmitted either through the air or through direct contact) that cause symptoms such as sneezing, sore throat, watery eyes, runny nose, headache, mild fever.

The rarest disease

The rarest disease now is smallpox. In May 1978, the World Health Organization (WHO) did not report a single case of smallpox in the past 6 months. The last fatal case of smallpox occurred in August 1978. A photographer working in a laboratory at the University of Birmingham, UK, became infected from a sample stored for research purposes.

The most dangerous diseases

A mortality rate of over 50% is seen in Lassa fever, an epidemic disease caused by a rare West African virus. Very high mortality was also noted in cercopithecine hemorrhagic fever (Marburg virus disease) and Ebola fever.

Since 1900, cholera has claimed an estimated 20 million lives in India. During outbreaks, if left untreated, the mortality rate can be as high as 50%.

Less common is yellow fever, a viral disease carried by mosquitoes. According to available reports, 10-90% of the sick people die from it.

The most dangerous malaria infection

A woman is the progenitor of everything and everyone. In its nature lies the function of the birth of a new life. A woman, not a man, had such a heavy, but at the same time such a joyful fate. A modern, healthy woman can decide for herself how many children and at what age she can and wants to give birth.

After all, today most women are used to being independent, so first they need to arrange their own life, their own career, their own life. Often, women can do without men, who they need only for the actual conception of a baby.

However, most of them are counting on a full-fledged family with all its necessary attributes. The current financial situation of women and society itself affects the consciousness of women in such a way that a woman does not want to bring into this world more than one, maximum two children, because these children need to be provided with a future that is something unattainable for a woman herself, she simply does not can guarantee children a decent existence in the future. But did nature count on complex political and financial regulations when planning a woman's body? Unlikely. This begs the question - so how much can a woman give birth in her entire life? This question is very slippery, because it is influenced by a huge number of factors. For example, each woman has her own life expectancy, and one pregnancy can drag on for ten months, while the other does not even reach seven.

And the fact that one woman can give birth to one child per pregnancy is also important, while the other can give birth to twins or even triplets. And the Guinness Book of Records recorded a case when a woman gave birth to eight children at a time. So, if we reduce all the indicators to an average, then we can take into account that every woman goes pregnant for an average of nine months, then breastfeeds for about a year (as you know, pregnancies are very rare during breastfeeding, although they do happen from time to time). Then remember that usually a woman can give birth up to sixty years, if there are no pathologies (plus or minus five years), well, do not forget that gynecologists recommend getting pregnant again no earlier than two years after the previous one pregnancy, so that the body has time to recover and gain strength for a new pregnancy.

Otherwise, complications or even sad consequences may occur in a subsequent pregnancy. And another factor is the way in which the woman was impregnated. The fact is that among women who are artificially inseminated, there are much more cases where several fertilized eggs mature in her uterus, which leads to twins or often triplets. Well, calculate how much the average woman can produce offspring in her life. The main thing is that, in addition to all these factors, a woman also has a desire to produce babies as much as nature has given her. However, our lives and our society are arranged in such a way that a woman is forced to give birth to as many children as she can raise on her own, without a husband and parents.

Because often today no woman knows whether she will stay with her husband in a year or will be a single mother. And the point is not even in the difficult military situation, as it was during the war years, which often claimed the lives of our men. The fact is that modern men have become too freedom-loving, they have too little responsibility, and a woman is becoming more and more independent, which gives her not so much patience with people around her - if someone doesn’t like something, he can be free. But raising one child is not difficult. But what about a mother of many children? The fact is that the concept of having many children in our countries is somewhat different - in Russia, a family with three or more minor children is considered to have many children.

In Belarus, this number used to be the same, but has recently been changed to four minor children. Society today does not help mothers with a large number of children, but the state has artificially created some benefits that members of such a family can use. These benefits can be completely different - from free tickets for attractions to amusement parks and visits to exhibitions, to free medicines and utility bills. Although, first of all, in order to be eligible for such benefits, the family must obtain a certificate or certificate large family in which at least three minor children live.

However, today many people want to become happy owners of such benefits, so they are trying to artificially create all the conditions for this in the family. For example, it is not uncommon for a family of alcoholics to start specially giving birth to children for a benefit for housing construction, for whom there will then be neither proper care nor love for these same children. Dysfunctional children grow up in such families, which depresses us most of all. And the values ​​in this family leave much to be desired. Unscrupulous parents are ready to ruin the lives of their children and future children only in order to receive another increase in the allowance, in order to drink and smoke this money later. Meanwhile, a small new member of society throws himself completely and completely into the hands of his older brothers and sisters. However, there are also conscientious parents who have seven, nine and even twelve children, while the family is considered exemplary, indicative, because the main family values ​​\u200b\u200bare in the first place in it. None of the family members is deprived of attention, and the atmosphere in the family is the most prosperous and friendly.

Today, such families are quite a rarity, because modern women and men set themselves the primary goal in the form of a career and material well-being. Interestingly, it turns out that most often many children appear precisely in those families where the financial situation leaves much to be desired. But those families where the financial situation is so good that they could provide for thirty children for life, cannot even decide on one child.

There is a small group of scientists who support the theory. That a woman to give birth to children is unhealthy. The body is already very much weakened after such stress, and this adversely affects the well-being of a young mother, up to the occurrence of a number of diseases. But these are only theories of a narrow circle of specialists, most scientists are in favor of women giving birth with their hands and feet, only the second question arises, how many times in their life they can do this without harm to health and how often this can be done.

One or whole brood

The female body not only flourishes after childbirth, but is also filled with new energy, as doctors say. The immune system of a young mother becomes stronger, the main thing is to reinforce it in a healthy way life and avoid stress. In addition, experts have discovered the surprising fact that women who have given birth live longer than their childless peers. The more on the account of childbirth, the more enduring and stronger the body, which means that diseases stick to such ladies less. The best number of children normally tolerated by the body is three to four children.

Factors affecting the number of births

The optimal number of births for a woman's entire life is influenced by the country, the region in which she lives. The genetic factor and pedigree cannot be ruled out. In addition, it is important to take into account the state of health of a woman at the current moment, before she became pregnant for the first time. Taken together, all this affects how the birth will take place and whether the mother, except for one child, will be able to give birth to another

How often can you give birth

Usually women are horrified by the phrase that her body is ready for the next birth in a couple of months after the birth of a child. At the same time, there is the opposite side of science, that it is impossible to get pregnant during the period breastfeeding. The problem remains the question if a woman did not give birth on her own, but with the help caesarean section. That's when, having become pregnant almost immediately after childbirth, it will be problematic to bear the next child. Therefore, doctors recommend to refrain from pregnancy in the next 1.5-2 years.

Dangers of frequent childbirth

Pregnancy itself is stressful for a woman's body, whatever one may say. Hormones go off scale and pull the body in different directions, its systems suffer from this, for example, the endocrine system, and the organs themselves. Do not forget that with certain diseases, a woman cannot give birth at all, or you need to stop at one child. It is also important to remember that before moving on from childbirth to the next pregnancy, it is better to wait until the body is fully strengthened. In parallel, supporting it with proper nutrition, activity, balance between sleep and wakefulness.