The ability to say “no” is one of the most important skills for a comfortable social life, and it is quite possible to learn it.

Almost everyone at some point finds themselves in a situation where they have to fulfill someone’s requests or agree to conditions that they are not happy with, but for some reason it is awkward, embarrassing or scary to refuse.

Sometimes the issue of conscious refusal becomes a matter of survival - not being able to say “no,” a person risks wasting energy, time and emotional resources in order to satisfy someone else’s needs.

If you don't get enough bang for your buck, it's normal to feel cheated or "used."

So how can you learn to refuse on time?

People want to be loved and accepted. It's nice to be good, it's nice to be appreciated, it's nice to just be needed. For some of us, being good and needed is so important that we are willing to sacrifice almost everything for this, although we often do not realize our need for love and acceptance.

At the moment when a conflict arises between one’s own needs and those of others, one’s own often fades into the background.

Unconsciously, the threat of being rejected by refusing a service is perceived as a disaster. The psychology of interaction is such that this illusory threat extends not only to important and significant people, but suddenly manifests itself at work and in various other life circumstances - even with strangers. (Will you give up the bottom bunk on the train?).

Some people find it difficult to say no in certain situations. For example, it is difficult for someone to refuse their superiors - after all, a request (even not official and difficult to fulfill) from a person endowed with power seems to be an inviolable law, which is scary or even unthinkable to break.

For women, the inability to refuse attention from men sometimes turns out to be a serious problem. At some moments, this feature leads to unpleasant consequences for a woman, for example, to a sexual relationship that she did not want, but allowed, feeling obligated to have sex with a man who is attracted to her.

Close relationships can also complicate the situation - refusing a close friend or parents can also be more difficult than for everyone else. But parents, spouses or close friends can also be demanding and force you to do something that deep down you don’t want to do.

Why is it important to be able to refuse?

Maintaining a warm (or any) relationship is not always worth sacrificing. Often, saying “yes” where one could have refused, a person experiences regret and feels backed into a corner.

Sometimes we even know in advance that we will not receive sufficient compensation for our efforts, but we agree anyway, and then we get angry with ourselves and with the one who exploits our reliability.

In some situations, refusal is simply a necessary drawing of the line, a message to others about the limits of possible generosity.

Learning to say “no” to people means designating your personal space and gaining the ability to more adequately distribute resources, including taking care of your own comfort.

How to learn to refuse?

And yet, how to learn to say no? There are some techniques that help you take conscious control of your reactions to demands from other people. The most important point in this is awareness and reflection.

It will be much easier to change the situation if you track each such incident and carefully observe your feelings that arise in response to the request. It takes mental effort and can be difficult, but over time, anyone who diligently learns to say “no” will develop a skill. When you have the opportunity to catch yourself where the life-giving “no” is so lacking, you can try other ways to react:

Of course, it is much easier to say “no” to those who do not feel guilty about their refusal and feel like a confident, holistic person who does not have to be good to everyone.

Perhaps the most effective and harmonious way to learn to refuse others is to psychologically work through the deep reasons for your insecurity and acute need for approval.

As a rule, the reasons for this common feature lie in early childhood, when the approval and unconditional love of parents form the foundation of a person’s worldview. For many of us, this unconditional love was not so unconditional, and in order to earn the approval of adults, we had to try hard. But the pursuit of approval is not limited to parents. For older children, school plays an important role in life, where there are teachers with their grades, comrades rating each other on how cool they are, and usually there is no one who would say: “Friend, learn to say no.” Having grown up, we often, without noticing it ourselves, still act according to the old scheme, as if in a vain attempt to gain the approval that we did not receive in childhood.

But if such a pathological need for the love of others has long and firmly become a part of the personality, is it really impossible to change anything? Scientific psychology says it is possible.

In the process of personal psychotherapy, even childhood traumas and losses can be compensated to one degree or another, due to which gradually the entire personality system begins to function differently - including in communicating with people. Each of us deserves respect and the right to live our lives without having to worry about whether we are good enough in the eyes of others.

Many people find it difficult to refuse what others - their boss, colleague or someone close to them - ask them to do. Failing to say “no” in time, a person is forced to do something that he absolutely does not want, and as a result he becomes irritated, offended or angry.

Maria Samotsvetova, a clinical psychologist and family systemic psychotherapist at the Alvian Center for Psychosomatic Medicine and Psychotherapy, talks about how to learn to say “no.”

This situation does not benefit anyone: in this case, both the person himself and the task that he is forced to do against his will suffer.

About personal boundaries

Refusal can be polite or rude, harsh or soft, but any refusal is always a person’s response to a violation of his personal boundaries. We say “no” when we don’t want to do something, but essentially we say no when someone invades our personal space and violates our boundaries.

In our country, for 70 years there was no talk of any personal boundaries: everyone could poke their nose into other people’s affairs, into someone else’s family, into the upbringing of other people’s children. For this reason, the question of how to learn to defend your personal space and say “no” (and refusal is one of the ways to defend your boundaries) is currently worrying many Russians.

To learn how to refuse correctly, you first need to understand why such a problem arises in the first place. Everyone knows how to say the word “no.” But many people do not dare to say this word firmly when they need to refuse someone. What stops trouble-free people and how can you still learn to say “no” so as not to offend your interlocutor, or not to feel guilty, or to be heard and understood? First, let's try to understand what exactly prevents you from refusing.

Very often people are afraid to say “no”. This reaction is absolutely normal: people do not like to quarrel and conflict, even when they disagree with something. The explanation for this also lies in the historical and cultural characteristics of our people: proverbs constantly slip into Russian speech saying that fighting for your personal borders is bad. For example: “whoever is not with us is against us”, “together - not burdensome, but apart - at least throw it”, “one for all - all for one.” Our social structure is built vertically, and such inequality, which is expressed at all levels in the “superior-subordinate” vertical of power, also aggravates the problem of refusal: people are afraid to say “no” because it can lead to conflict.

The ability to refuse correctly is useful not only in professional, but also in everyday relationships. This skill can be learned.

Step-by-step instruction

Step one: think about the situation.

If in a certain situation you cannot say “no” to another person, think about what needs to happen for you to refuse him? For example, at work you already work for three people, and the boss wants to assign you another overtime task. How many more overtime tasks are you willing to take on before your patience runs out? Or, for example, your husband constantly yells at you, but you cannot leave him. What needs to happen for you to finally be able to do this? Should he raise his hand against you? That is, you need to understand where the border is, beyond which you will no longer tolerate what you don’t like, and you will definitely be able to refuse.

Step two: choose the right words to refuse.

It is best to use “I-messages” for refusal - sentences that begin with the words “I”, “me”, “for me”: “I wouldn’t like...”, “I don’t like this”, “for me” it is not comfortable". After this, it is necessary to provide some facts that explain the reason for the refusal. For example: “I can’t do this because I have a lot of other tasks right now.” After that, you need to offer something of your own in return: “I won’t do all this work because..., but I can do a small part of this work.”

Step three: get used to saying no for small things.

The following exercise will be useful for training refusal. Start saying “no” several times a day, refusing some small and insignificant offers: from advertising leaflets on the street (“no, thank you!”), from an offer to have coffee with a colleague (“thank you, I don’t want to”), from promotional items in the store (“thank you, I don’t need this”). This training will help you feel that you have the RIGHT to refuse others. And it is not only your right, but also your responsibility to take care of your personal boundaries. And if someone encroaches on these boundaries, trying to burden you with extra work or additional responsibilities, you have every right to refuse.

Step four: try to understand what you really want.

Almost all people understand what they don't want to do, but few know what they really want. And this also prevents them from saying “no.” For example, if you do not want to work in this company, live in this apartment or with this man, formulate for yourself where you then want to work, where and with whom to live. Being clear about your desires is a very useful skill that helps you say “no.” Making lists will help you understand your desires: it is very useful to make a list for yourself every morning of what you want today and what you want in the coming year. Or what you want to get from life in general. In this case, you will be able to compare any attempts to violate your personal boundaries with this list, and then it will not be difficult to refuse someone.

Step five: try to achieve mutual understanding.

Refusal can lead to conflict when there is misunderstanding after the word “no.” For example, you asked a colleague to do something, but he doesn’t want to do it, but he thinks that you should guess about his reluctance to do it. You didn’t guess, and as a result, he does it against his will and accumulates resentment against you, so a conflict arises. Therefore, it is very important to always clarify your position: if they want to entrust you with something, but you do not want it, you need to openly state this, explain why you do not want it, and offer something in return, as described above. This kind of open, direct communication is the main key to learning how to properly refuse and how to properly accept another’s refusal.

Step six: learn to refuse your boss.

This is perhaps the most difficult thing. Subordinates often do not want to refuse their boss due to various fears: fear of losing respect, not receiving a bonus or promotion, being fired, or being reprimanded. But in fact, a manager can also say “no,” but this must be done correctly. If you want to refuse what your manager wants to entrust to you, do not rush to do it as soon as you are told this news. First, take a break and ask permission to think about it for 15-30 minutes. When you leave your boss's office, take a few deep breaths, collect your thoughts, and come up with a rough plan for how to refuse. After that, come back and speak reasonedly in accordance with the scheme described above: “I can’t take on this because... If I take on this too, everything will suffer at once. But I can do some of what you want me to do.”

It is important to understand that you need to refuse a manager in a timely manner - if you agree to an offer that does not suit you, but then you become angry with both yourself and your boss, both the quality of your work and your relationship with the manager will suffer.

When saying yes to someone, don't say no to yourself.

To know exactly how to respond to a particular proposal, direct or indirect, you need to remember three things:

1. Remember your primary interests. Those. know what you set yourself as a goal at the beginning of a conversation or relationship: business, friendship, etc. And constantly check in with your core plans and values.

2. Stay in agreement with yourself. You can say a resounding “yes” when your inner self also says “yes.” You feel inner satisfaction, despite the emotional, material, physical and other costs you will incur by saying “yes.” When to say “no” - if you feel fear, anxiety, uncertainty because of your refusal.

In the first case, we are talking about a strategy for achieving success - your acquired benefits will be greater than any other costs. In the second case, a person is led fear of unpleasant consequences, missed opportunities, if he doesn't say yes. That's when you need to say "no" - otherwise it's easy Can become a victim of manipulation.

A little later, more about the guises manipulators hide under.

3. And lastly: you need to listen to your intuition - it is the best indicator of the correctness of decisions made. Everything is very simple - it is an encyclopedia of all our lived experiences, and any life experience, even not socially approved, is correct, here everything that causes positive emotions is correct, and everything that causes negative emotions is wrong. This is your personal measure of the necessity or unnecessaryness of certain of your actions. On the other hand, social stereotypes can call certain actions undesirable, and then the person will feel internal conflict. You need to trust, first of all, your emotions, or more precisely, intuition - it is a dispassionate, objective repository of all previously experienced experience and the natural emotions accompanying it.

Now a few words about manipulators who stubbornly expect us to answer “yes” when our inner one screams “no”. Why do people become manipulators? previously written.

There are two types of manipulators - active and passive. The first are dominant dictators who demand a “yes” answer. If the answer is “no,” threats, accusations, reproaches of selfishness, cruelty, tyranny, etc. will follow. By the way, what distinguishes real egoists, “tyrants,” is that they love to hang this epithet on their interlocutors, at the slightest disagreement with their demands.

Passive manipulators will press on pity, guilt, emphasize their helplessness, etc. Those. refusing their direct and indirect offers will cause you either to feel guilty or to doubt your own humanity. In a word, you will feel out of place, you will try to somehow justify yourself or provide compensation for what you said “no”.

Some verbiage and techniques used by manipulators:

• Irritating the opponent, the ability to drive him crazy and, in excitement, forget about his main goals.
• Be dumbfounded by the fast pace of the discussion, using incomprehensible words and terms, without the slightest “doubt” that you may not understand them.
• Negative assessment of the opponent or his words, actions, for example: “this is banal”, “nonsense”, “stupidity”, “everyone knows this”, etc.
• Irony, for example: “You say things that are beyond my understanding.”
• Resentment, for example: “Who do you take us for?!”
• Flattering phrases, for example: “You, as an intelligent person, of course, cannot help but see...”
• Silence or half-truth, when there is some truth in the interlocutor’s words and his words obviously cannot be refuted.
• Forcing a strictly unambiguous answer using the “carrot and stick” method.
• Choice without choice – i.e. both proposed options were not agreed upon with you and you are not satisfied.

What else do you need to know to learn how to say “no”. You have every right say “no”, and without making excuses or explaining your “no”.

What stops you from saying “no”?

• This is a reluctance to appear impolite. To be polite, it is enough to say your “no” - politely, firmly, but not harshly.
• A sincere desire to help or a sense of duty. In this case, it is important to remember one thing: all you owe is to be happy, you owe absolutely nothing else. You can help if it does not go against your interests and you feel an inner need to help. Assess whether you will then feel inner satisfaction after saying “yes” or whether you will feel deceived, convinced of something you are not ready to agree with.
• The desire to be like everyone else. The greatest value you have is your individuality, don’t give it up.
• Fear of what might happen if you say no. In this case, it is again important to say “no” extremely politely, but firmly, remembering your right to say “no”. Depending on the situation, you can justify and argue your “no”, but do not delay your explanations too much - anyone who wants to will understand you.
• Fear of missed opportunities. Those. you hope that by answering “yes,” you will receive something valuable and meaningful to you, despite the abandonment of your current values. In this case, you need to remember that at the moment you are definitely losing something important for you and it is not at all a fact that this is necessary and valuable for you to happen in the future. Your “yes” should bring you satisfaction right now, and equal to your “cost”.
• Fear of relationship breakup. Some people simply do not understand the word “no” and will simply insist on their own until they are blue in the face, rejecting all possible compromises. The sooner you understand who you are dealing with, the easier it will be for you to assess the situation and make the right decision.

So, to summarize. You can say “yes” with complete confidence when you feel immediate satisfaction from your answer and your consent does not contradict your plans, values, fundamental goals. And your possible answer “no” in the same case will not cause you discomfort, fear, uncertainty, anxiety. In other words, your interlocutor does not deprive you of the right to answer “no”, and nothing will happen to you for this - you will not lose anything and will feel emotionally comfortable.

You should say “yes” when you see new opportunities (realistic, reasonable, balanced) and you are not satisfied with the current state of affairs. And finally, you should say “yes” when your intuition tells you “yes”. But not the fear of missed opportunities!

You need to say “no” if your consent deprives you of inner harmony, causes anxiety and anxiety, you put other people’s interests above your own, your “yes” makes you give up something important right now in exchange for illusory values ​​that are not yet guaranteed to be given to you.

When you say “no,” you have the right to explain or not explain the reasons for your refusal. For your “no” to sound weighty, you yourself must feel complete confidence in the correctness of your decision (remember your core values), remember your right to say “no”.

Saying “no” can offer an alternative—especially if the relationship is important to you, and such a compromise will benefit you too. IN business relationships, by saying “no,” you can recommend someone who is less busy than you, for example, or understands the task at hand better than you. You can also offer alternative work that you could do as well as, or even better than, what is being asked of you, but, for some good reason, you cannot do now.

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In this article, I will present to you six steps on the path to learning how to say no to people. Saying “no” is a schematic expression that implies a lack of desire to communicate with someone, go somewhere, tolerate something, please someone and do something you don’t like. To master this skill, first ask yourself a question and answer it honestly.

Ask yourself: “Why am I so bad at saying no?” The answer to this question may be, for example, low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, fear of offending other people, putting oneself down compared to others, or a lack of personal boundaries. Think about what the answer is for you. To learn how to say “no,” you must clearly understand what exactly you need to work with. And then feel free to start.

How to learn to say no to people - 6 stages:

When you do something you don't want to do, you are serving someone else's goals. You help others achieve their desires. And who will serve your desires? Who will help you achieve your goals? Only you can do this when you learn to say “no.”

Start doing this today, and let everyone take care of their own goals. Following the six steps suggested in the article is guaranteed to help you master the skill of refusal. So, how to learn to say no to people - six stages:

Step #1: Train your brain

If you've been living your life for years pleasing others and paying little attention to yourself, you first need to train your brain to say no. He must get used to this word. To do this, start saying the word “no” out loud, as well as other possible refusal options. Say: “No, I don’t want to go there,” “No, I won’t lend,” “No, I won’t go to that place, I don’t want to,” “I don’t like you. I don’t want to communicate with you.”

Come up with your own refusal options that suit you best. The ones you need. Your brain needs to learn what it feels like to say “no” and also learn how to do it.

Practice words of refusal for several days, and gradually you will feel your fears go away. These rehearsals are needed so that the transition to real failures is smoother and easier, and the brain stops sabotaging.

The fact is that it doesn’t matter to the brain whether you say it to someone or into the void. He will perceive these rehearsals as your first refusals. And when you do this in practice for the first time, it will be his eightieth time. You will feel that it will be much easier and calmer for you to say “no”.

Stage #2: Small “no”

The second stage should be your first refusals in practice. In order for you to succeed easily and simply, start training on those people to whom it is easiest for you to say “no”, and refuse them the little things. For example, your husband asked you to do something small and simple for him. Take it and refuse him, arguing that you are busy now and have no time for it.

Practice on the smallest failures. At the supermarket checkout, refuse to buy something that the cashier has already counted. Refuse to go to the cinema with your friend, even if you have already agreed. Come up with a few more refusal options and do them for practice. Of course, not to the detriment of yourself. But a little to the detriment of others. Don’t feel sorry for anyone, no one has felt sorry for you until this moment.
Why do you need to start small?

Firstly, because it will be much easier for you. Secondly, so that you do not experience even the slightest feeling of guilt due to refusal. Feelings of guilt can provoke a rollback, a desire to please and indulge people again. And small “nos”, almost without harm to others, will make you get used to refusals, but at the same time they will not seem something scary and unpleasant to you.

Step #3: Track the moment of decision making

Every time you need to make a decision, no matter how small, consciously pause. Remember, now you have a goal - to learn to say “no”. Ask yourself before making any decision: “What answer will meet my goal?” And feel free to make a decision according to your desires and needs. During the pause, try to tilt yourself towards your goal.

Learn to benefit from every decision you make. At first, this may seem strange and selfish to you. But haven't you allowed others to treat you selfishly as well? Cases of transition from low self-esteem to high self-esteem are extremely rare, so when you learn to act according to your desires, you will, at best, balance in the middle, at the most favorable point of adequate self-esteem. When you want, say “yes”, when you want, say “no”. Listen to your desires and needs, and stop being afraid that someone will not be satisfied with it.

Stage #4: Stop pleasing others

People always read your inner gesture. You must understand that it is not others who violate your boundaries, but you let them do it. As soon as you stop doing this and start saying “no,” someone around you will begin to adapt to you and be reluctant to change, and someone will simply leave your life. Don’t worry about this; their place will be taken by those who will not suppress you.

Accept the fact that when you start saying no to people, you become inconvenient to others. It becomes harder to communicate with you, and people will resent you, perhaps even try to change you back. Don't fall for their tricks! Just keep up the good work. No matter how hard you try to please everyone, there will always be people who don't like you.

As model Dita Von Teese said, “Even if you are the sweetest, juiciest peach on the tree, there will always be someone who doesn't like peaches.” Therefore, your desire to please everyone often simply makes no sense. By maintaining your individuality and not losing yourself, people are more likely to like you than if you try to pander to them. By trying to please, you don't give people the opportunity to know who you really are. What do you think and what would you like? Give people a chance to get to know you. Show you.

And if there are those in your life who are used to violating your boundaries and suppressing you, then do not be afraid to let them go from your life. Stop bending, start acting according to your own desires, and they, having become indignant or trying to remake you, will either change or leave your life without a trace. In case you cannot rebuff someone close to you, start politely but firmly saying “no”, first in small things, and then in larger things. Argue your position confidently but delicately.

When it comes to loved ones, firmness in action is important. If, for example, you said “no” and were not heard, next time repeat your position and hang up. Remind them that you refuse and slam the door. Repeat what you said the first time and walk away from the conversation. For the fifth or tenth time, a loved one will hear you and understand that you will no longer bend under him. From now on, you refuse to dance to his tune. Be patient, be polite, but be firm in your decisions.

Stage #5: Start respecting yourself

Every time you say no to someone, you are saying yes to yourself. Start loving and respecting yourself, and then you will gradually learn to act according to your desires. Even when it goes against the wishes of others. My two articles on this topic will help you learn to respect yourself:

On one side of the scale lies fear - on the other there is always freedom!

Conclusion

Congratulations, you now know a lot more about learning to say no to people. By going through all six proposed stages in order, you are guaranteed to learn how to fight back and will not be afraid of it or regret it afterwards. Let's remember them again:

• First, train your brain to the new word “no.” Repeatedly say phrases in which you refuse something for several days. Those phrases that are right for you. For example, “no, I won’t do that,” “no, I don’t need that,” “no, I won’t go.” Don't downplay the importance of this stage because completing it is what decides whether you make it to the end

• At the second stage, move on to practice. But to avoid feelings of guilt or fear, start saying “no” only to small things and only to those whom you can easily refuse.
• Once you realize that you have already mastered the skill of saying no to small things, start tracking the moment you make any decision. After a question (if you were asked one), take a short pause. During this pause, think about what decision will lead you to the goal of “learning to say no”? And feel free to make the decision that suits your goal.
• Stop pleasing others. It won't help everyone like you. Every time you say yes to someone else, you are saying no to yourself. Your goals, your desires, opportunities and your life
• Start respecting yourself. This is the basis of the ability to say “no.” Every time you deny yourself something, you turn your face to others and your back to yourself.
• Download my book “How to Love Yourself” today for 99 rubles. It contains only the most effective and effective techniques, thanks to which you will stop indulging others and will act only in your own favor.
• And the most important thing for someone who wants to learn to say “no” is to get out of the role of a victim. My video course is guaranteed to help you do this, with the help of which you will learn to defend yourself and become an independent person. Detailed announcement.

If you find it difficult to learn to say “no,” contact me for an individual one. I'll show you how to learn to act on your desires.

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Say yes to yourself!
Your psychologist Lara Litvinova

Often, for fear of offending a person, we are unable to refuse him, even if this service would be a burden to us personally. Overloaded with other people's problems, one's own affairs are usually put on the back burner. Many people live like this, solving other people’s problems until old age, taking care of other people’s children and doing other people’s repairs. But learning to say “no” when circumstances require it is still possible, although very difficult.

Other people's problems

Try to find a reason why you cannot refuse. Let's say, in your opinion, you have free time, but the other person does not, and this is a reason to help him. The problem that someone doesn’t know how to plan their time is not yours at all. People are just used to counting on you in certain situations. Understand that you are free to manage your own time, money and energy as you see fit.

It seems to you that they can’t do it without your help. Imagine that you went somewhere or got sick. Your friends will probably solve their problems somehow. They will do the same if you refuse. People use you because it is much easier and more convenient for them. It is for them, not for you.

You think that the person who asked for the favor will be grateful to you. Nothing like this. Helpless people are rarely grateful; such help is taken for granted. Each of your services provokes more and more new requests. It will all start, of course, with small things - you will be asked to look after the children or lend money - and then your help will be taken for granted.

Perhaps you're just afraid to say no. Resentment, anger or revenge - it doesn’t matter what. Accept this fear, but don't be led by it. Remember how at school or university you were afraid to take a difficult exam, but, nevertheless, you passed it. Do the same in this case: be afraid, but refuse.

Not a rag and not a chervonets

First, practice in front of a mirror. “No” should sound firm, not guilty or rude. Speak calmly but confidently. Otherwise, the person asking will have a desire to continue asking you for a favor.

Learn to say no to small things. Are they trying to intercept your money “until tomorrow”? Explain that every penny counts for you. Are you tired of long conversations on the phone? Say you're busy. Once you can say no on minor things, it will be easier to do so on serious things.

Don’t make excuses, because you didn’t promise anything. If you want to explain the reason for the refusal, do it calmly. If a person begins to manipulate you and becomes indignant: “Why don’t you want to do this?”, ask him a counter question: “Why should I do this?”

Many people whom you considered your best friends may change their attitude towards you. Be prepared for this. Someone who is used to sitting on your neck may stop communicating with you altogether, but this is not bad; those who truly appreciate and respect you will remain with you.

Decide on your life priorities. Decide what is more important to you and make a list. For example, family takes first place, career comes second, friends come third, and so on. And don't forget about this when you make a choice between “no” and “yes.”

You will not win universal love with your sacrifice. At best, you will be known as a “rag,” so remember that you are not a piece of gold that everyone will like. And don’t let anyone control your life, even if it’s your closest and dearest person.

A cry for help or manipulation?

A reliable person is always easy to manipulate. Psychologists divide methods of manipulation into several groups. One of them is conventionally called “this is sacred.” Using such manipulation, a person asks you for something, hiding behind the interests of children, the sick, and the elderly. Do not forget that the true reasons for the requests associated with them may be far from sacred.

Another method of manipulation can be called “putting pressure on pity.” In fact, the number of troubles and misfortunes that befall each person is approximately the same. So why does someone solve their problems themselves, while someone tells how bad their life is and asks you for help? Do not forget about this equality of fate and do not immediately rush to help.

“After all, we are friends!” exclaims the manipulator from the third group and immediately asks you for help. However, not every friend can ask for help, knowing that it will be difficult for you. A true friend will always have your best interests in mind.

Use his own weapons against the manipulator. He tells you about his illnesses - tell him about yours, you were reminded of friendship - tell him that, as a true friend, he himself will refuse help, and so on. A real manipulator will immediately show his true face. But it is much easier to refuse an irritated, angry person.

The material was prepared based on information from open sources