Quarrels A peaceful life is the dream of many. However, conflicts often arise in families. These conflicts are natural, since each person has his own opinion and idea of ​​the world. Parents quarrel with each other, parents with children, grandchildren with grandparents. A man must

The villager drove the children of his cohabitant out into the cold

Employees of the Pechora Investigation Department of the Regional Investigation Department of the ICR have completed the investigation of a criminal case against a 52-year-old local resident accused of torturing the minor children of a cohabitant. The stepfather so subtly mocked an eleven-year-old girl and a thirteen-year-old boy that Cinderella's evil stepmother could envy his ingenuity. The mother looked at the torment of the children through her fingers.

Education methods
These terrible events unfolded in one of the villages of the Pechora region for almost two years. And it is not known how the story would have ended if the neighbors of a dysfunctional family had not sounded the alarm. Although this family was not even considered dysfunctional. Natalya lived with Igor for four years, they raised the woman's children from her first marriage together - Lena and Pasha (all names have been changed for ethical reasons). The first two years the life of children was still tolerable, and then a real nightmare began.
The stepfather suddenly decided to raise other people's children - with a belt on the buttocks. Punished for poor performance at school, brought a "deuce" - get a belt. At the same time, Igor did not see anything wrong with this method of education, he explained that he was also brought up that way. However, the "educated" did not share this opinion at all. Later, Lena said that she was in a lot of pain, at first the girl cried, but then she got used to the pain, there were no more tears, she only clenched her teeth when her stepfather grabbed the belt again. Igor beat Pasha much more often - in a certain period, three times a week. Even more often, the man yelled at the children, calling them words that adults would be better off not hearing. In fact, Lena and Pasha had a father, whom they told about their stepfather's attitude. But he somehow not very actively took up the protection of his daughter and son. He later said that he was trying to sort things out with ex-wife and her cohabitant, but he could not find them sober, and it was impossible to have a meaningful conversation with drunks. The father of the children did not have a permanent job, he was interrupted by odd jobs, often went on shift, so even Lena and Pasha could not always turn to such a very conditional defender.

"Getters" reluctantly
However, Igor was also not a very wealthy person and, judging by the materials of the criminal case, he was infuriated that he was forced to feed other people's children. Although it cannot be said that the children hung exclusively on his neck - Natalia also worked on a rotational basis, though not constantly. But Igor believed that their own father should make a financial contribution to the maintenance of children. And the stepfather sought “justice” in strange ways - he sent the children to his father and grandmother to beg for money or at least firewood. If the little "getters" returned empty-handed, they were punished. Most of all, Pasha got it. Igor believed that the mother could still take care of her daughter, but her own father should definitely pay for her son. By the way, he claimed that he transferred money to his wife for the maintenance of children - as much as he could from his small income. But these modest amounts did not satisfy Igor, so he sent his stepson to beg for money and firewood again.
Once, in winter, the father was on watch, and the stepfather once again sent the boy for "booty" - they say, there is no father, go to the grandmother. Pasha went because his grandmother often helped him if she herself had at least some money. At that time, she did not have any cash or firewood, her grandson was crying, saying that Uncle Igor would punish him, but elderly woman could not help the child. Crying out, the boy trudged home with nothing. On the threshold, his stepfather met him, having learned that the stepson had come empty-handed, ordered him not to return without money and slammed the door in front of the child's nose. The boy went "for a walk" until his stepfather changes his anger to mercy. Lena also had to spend time on the street, waiting for her stepfather to have mercy. Sometimes homeless children wandered around the yard together.

spring-cleaning
Even cleaning the house turned into sophisticated bullying. The stepfather zealously taught the children to cleanliness, once a week there was always a general cleaning, which was performed by the stepson and stepdaughter, sometimes Igor forced them to clean four times a week. At the same time, the stepfather himself left the house, but set traps for the little cleaners. For example, he left some thing on the shelf and memorized how it lies. If, after his return, the thing lay in the same position, Igor concluded that the children did not wipe the dust on this shelf. He could also walk cotton swab on the closets, on the floor under the bed. If dust remained on the stick, “educational” work with children began.
As Lena said, for poor cleaning, her stepfather and her brother scolded them with bad words. If he had Bad mood(and he had one every weekday - until the weekend), then he beat his stepdaughter with a belt, and sometimes with a carpet beater. One evening in March 2015, the stepfather ordered the children to get out of the house - at least to their grandmother, at least wherever they want. Hastily leaving the house, Lena managed to grab the keys to the house where they used to live with their mother. After conferring on the street, the children decided not to go to their grandmother. “She is old, sick, she would worry about us,” the girl later explained to the investigator. In addition, an elderly woman cared for a seriously ill son - the uncle of Lena and Pasha. He almost did not get out of bed, but he was very worried about his niece and nephew, upset that he could not help them. “But his heart is sick, he shouldn’t be worried,” the children reasoned. The brother and sister went to their old house, and stayed there for several hours. Then my stepfather called on his mobile phone and told me to go home to get ready for school. After school, the children returned home, but a new test awaited them a few days later. At about four o'clock in the morning, a drunken stepfather woke up the children and, without explanation, ordered them to get out of the house. Brother and sister went back to the old house. Two hours later, my stepfather "feeled better", called, said to return home. For some time, the children lived like this, not knowing what else and when it would come into their stepfather's head. And in June, the mother sent Lena to live with her father - they say, she was tired of wringing her nerves with her daughter, now let dad educate. The girl left the house in what she was, her stepfather gave her things later. Then Pasha also moved in with his father. In July, the children met with their stepfather again. The brother and sister were playing on the playground, Uncle Igor approached them, instead of greeting them, he took both of them by the hair and hit their foreheads. Then he “taught life” and left home.

In the "state house" is better
Despite all the trials that befell the children, they loved their mother, they thought that Uncle Igor was the culprit of all the troubles. Before meeting with him, my mother did not drink, she took care of them. Lena missed her mother very much, having learned that she had returned from her shift, collected a bouquet of flowers for her and came to her stepfather's house. The daughter's naive gift did not soften maternal heart, the woman scolded Lena and again sent her to live with her father.
And yet the evil stepfather did not go unpunished. Neighbors reported to the police about how he abused children. One of the neighbors, who knew Igor for more than ten years, described him as a very cunning person, a lover of alcohol, one of those who "does not swear, but talk." The witness noted that Igor likes to “fight” with those who cannot fight back. The little stepson and stepdaughter just fit the role of unrequited victims. The neighbor heard Igor yelling at the children, driving them out of the house, in a rage hitting the adjacent wall with his fist so that it shook. Lena and Pasha often screamed and cried violently, to the point of hysteria. However, the witness did not notice any signs of beatings on them during the meetings. But one night in March of this year, I saw how frightened children jumped out of the house and ran down the street. Another neighbor confirmed that at night she heard Igor yelling at the children and driving them out of the house more than once. Twice the woman noticed Pasha on the porch, he sat and cried. When asked what happened, he answered that he was not allowed to go home. The boy sat outside for a long time, until dark. According to the neighbor, both children very often spent a lot of time on the street. Employees of the department opened a criminal case against Igor, the man was arrested. At the request of the investigation, the employees of the guardianship and guardianship authorities placed Lena and Pasha in a social rehabilitation center - after the transfer, they needed psychological help. During the investigation of the criminal case, Lena and Pasha also testified. The antics of the stepfather, which the children told about, were so inexplicable that these stories sometimes seemed made up. In addition, the brother and sister did not hide the fact that they want to live again the way they lived without Uncle Igor, with a sober and caring mother. The version of fiction, of course, was checked during the investigation and was not confirmed. According to a psychologist who worked with children, both brother and sister were sincere during interrogations. Lena and Pasha liked it in the rehabilitation center: the children are full, warm and feel safe - certainly better than in their stepfather's house. But the evil stepfather in the "state house" is not so good, his prospects are not bright: a man faces three to seven years in prison. During the investigation, he admitted his guilt, but explained that all his actions were of an educational nature. The criminal case has been sent to court.
Ludmila VLASOVA
Photo news.rambler.ru

According to the Investigative Department of the Investigative Committee of Russia for Komi, this year the number of crimes against minors has increased in Komi. For 9 months of 2015, the investigative divisions of the department received 750 reports of crimes of this category (for the same period last year (APPG) - 576), as a result of which 165 criminal cases were initiated (APPG - 136). current year 164 children were recognized as victims of crimes. In most cases, the victims of crime are children from disadvantaged or incomplete families where parents (or one of them) do not provide proper care and supervision for children, are indifferent to how and where the child spends time, abuse alcohol. Free access to such families is also possible for people who lead an asocial lifestyle, which may pose a danger to the child. . This year, the investigative department completed 16 such criminal cases (APPG - 16).



From a letter:

"I have two children. I raised them alone, it's hard. When they grew up (daughter 21 years old, son 19 years old), they introduced me to a widowed man.

They began to meet sometimes. I am not yet 42 years old. But I stopped thinking about myself because of worries and considered myself almost an old woman.

Vanya taught me that I am not yet old and beautiful. And I did not expect that you can rejoice and love. I have been without a husband for 15 years.

He persuaded her to marry him. The kids didn't seem to mind. Ivan began to live with us. Skillful hands, everything worked out. He made repairs, insulated the apartment, glazed the balcony. All forwarded. I got joy. I did not forget the children, and I could not forget, this is my life.

But for no apparent reason, the children began to break us with their behavior. If the husband says something on the case, the son will answer him: “And you would be silent.” Once he called the old goat. He turned on the music, and the husband sleeps from the night.

“It was you who always lived for them, they are used to the fact that every penny goes to them. Any whim fulfilled them. That's where they get mad."

My daughter is screaming at me

"You're crazy! In her old age, she wanted a man, not to think about children.

I love children very much. More than yourself. I heard that there is such a prayer for reconciliation. If you do not teach, I, of course, will part with Vanya. Only my heart will be broken. I feel like I will always be alone. Sincerely, Kira M.

Another case, even more tragic.

“Having raised my daughter and given her in marriage, I decided that I finally need to think about myself.

I have known this man for a very long time. A simple worker, but a quiet non-drinking man. He buried his wife a few years ago. His son is married and lives with his wife in another city. We began to live in the son-in-law's one-room apartment, and the son-in-law with his daughter and grandson in my three-room apartment. So two years passed. Once my son-in-law and his daughter came and said that they decided to sell his one-room apartment and put the money into circulation. In the meantime, everyone will have to live together in a three-room apartment. Since the one-room apartment is not mine, but my son-in-law's, I didn't seem to be able to object. And so they did.

But the money did not bring profit and disappeared in the bank in which the son-in-law put it.

From that day on, my life and the life of my husband turned into flour. The son-in-law rolled scandals and drove everyone in the house. My husband tried to protect me, but his son-in-law beat him. The daughter of the son-in-law forgave, and therefore it was impossible to take measures against him.

After another massacre, the husband cried and left. He was found hanged in a grove. He had a note with him: “Valyusha, forgive me for making you suffer. I don't see the exit. Even though I'm 60 years old, I'm a man and I can't be constantly beaten. I know that you love children. And it will always last. I feel sorry for you. Goodbye"".

And here is another letter from a man. The letter shows that the man realized his guilt, but too late.

“I recently buried my mother, the closest person to me. She read your conspiracies and did not part with them. She wrote to you and you answered her. She respected you very much. She was happy and proud that you were in correspondence with her. She showed your letters to neighbors. Now, when my mother is gone, I look at everything completely differently. You are like a thread between her and me. If possible, call her soul and say that I ask her forgiveness.

Mom lived for me. Now I have grown up and stopped being weird, but at one time I spoiled my mother's blood a lot.

I also blame her for this. When I was 14 years old, she tried to arrange her own fate, perhaps hoping that a man's hand would help me stop playing tricks. He was a good guy, but I must have been jealous. I became furious and got my way: he left. My mother never cried in my presence, but one day, waking up at night, I heard a muffled sob. I crept up on tiptoe and saw through the crack in the door how my mother's head was beating on the pillow. She loved him very much, she never tried to find a friend again. It was I who did not allow her to be a woman, to rejoice and be loved. Nothing can be fixed now, you can’t warm your mother’s hands. I am returning your letters to your mother. I think you remember her. Thank you for supporting her and not alienating the old man. Sincerely, bad son Igor.

Today I will teach you conspiracy for reconciliation. Reading in all corners of the house, on a full moon. Curtains closed, three candles on the table.

God bless the corners

Lord bless the corners

Corners, God bless.

Bless the house and threshold

and who lives in it

and the floor and doors,

and every place

to be all together.

They didn't wave their hands

tongues were not threatened.

As the fire from a candle goes out from the wind,

so the souls do not blaze with malice.

How calm is the Mother of God on the icon,

so everything is calm in my house.

Brother with brother

sister with sister

Husband and wife,

and whoever has a tongue

when swearing, let him be silent and dumb.

I say, slave (name),

distant words, distant prayers,

distant spells,

not to be in these corners

cursing and cursing.

In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Amen. Amen. Amen.

“My husband and I have been together for ten years. During this time, my stepdaughter, who lives with us only a few days a week (my husband and I do not have children in common, this is my choice), has turned from a little girl into a lazy girl who is busy only with herself. Taking a selfie is more important to her than setting the table. She doesn't help with household chores at all. I cook and clean like a slave while she straightens her hair and pouts, staring at the screen. I became irritable and angry. Of course I want us to be happy family but I can't do anything. Once I still scolded her, but my husband intervened, saying that I had no right to complain to her. Now I just try not to cross paths with her when she stays with us. It’s scary to admit it, but I’m starting to dislike her.”

Maria, 38 years old.

Mariella Frostrap, journalist

It always seemed a little utopian to me to say that if you love your partner, you will love his children. Everything is easier when the child is still small, he has modest needs and no formed opinions. But as soon as adolescence sets in, chaos begins. And at such moments only a parent can love this restless creature. Take it easy.

Becoming a “lazy girl who only cares about herself” is an evolution, and your stepdaughter’s habit of taking selfies just confirms that she is part of a long-established system. It is impossible to get along with teenagers, this is an axiom. How else to let them go into the big world all alone in a few years?

You can watch sketches by Harry Enfield (British comedian. - Approx. ed.) about teenager Kevin to restore your sense of humor and understand how standard bad behavior of teenagers is. In our family, our favorite sketch is the one where Kevin goes from a completely happy kid to a depressed, perpetually dissatisfied bespectacled man at the first stroke of the clock on his 13th birthday.

There is a difference between wanting to create affection without straining and not being able to show kindness.

Hormonal ebb and flow, uncontrolled emotional ups and downs bring confusion and vacillation to parents and their loved ones. Support loving relationship seems like an impossible task. You are also lucky that your stepdaughter only spends a few days at your house: imagine what her poor mother goes through.

But because you are less receptive to these tectonic plate shifts, you have the opportunity to become the voice of reason. This is how you earn the approval of everyone involved. During hormonal storms, a teenager may need a safe haven: an emotionally distant adult. Don't miss your chance to help your stepdaughter through this difficult time.

How much housework can she do if she is only with you half a week? Try at this time not to scold her for a lazy lifestyle, but to make friends with her. Let your husband wash the dishes, and you and your stepdaughter watch a movie together or look at Istagram. Instead of a pyrrhic victory, you can create friendships that will last for decades with a gentler approach.

Your dislike will not improve the situation. But trying to improve relationships can help

Being a stepmother or stepfather is difficult, but there is a difference between wanting to effortlessly create affection and not being able to show kindness. Together with your partner, you got a part of the responsibility for someone else's life, although it cannot be said that you chose this responsibility intentionally. In such a situation, you just need to behave like a sympathetic, compassionate person. The situation complicates the sediment of guilt - a by-product of divorce. Parents often try to alleviate their own feelings of guilt about breaking up relationships by allowing too much for their children. But having a bad cop seat doesn't mean you should.

You claim that you and your husband do not have children together because you did not want to. It is interesting that you are so comfortable with this one-sided choice: after all, your husband, it seems, could have made a different decision. You know well what you need and are accustomed to doing everything in a way that suits you. But a teenager always turns the house upside down. Maybe it's not really the stepdaughter's laziness that irritates you? You say that "there is nothing you can do" and your letter is saturated with tension, a sense of hopelessness. Very often, the target on which these feelings are projected has nothing to do with them.