Unfortunately in modern world parental example increasingly has a detrimental effect on the personality of the child.
Author wrote: I child psychologist, and at times I get terribly confused. My the main problem- the parents of my little clients, who disfigure them themselves. I don’t know if it’s personally “lucky” for me, or in fact, almost half of the children who are referred to a psychologist by doctors or teachers with suspicion of various disorders (this is how most clients come to me) have the same diagnosis: surrounding adults - idiots.

Case #1

A 4-year-old boy behaves aggressively, throws himself at other children on the playground and offends his younger sister. Already after 10 minutes of communication with his mother and stepfather, everything becomes clear. In the family, even adults do not know the words "excuse me", "please" and "thank you". It is customary for them to communicate with the help of an ora at each other and threats “I’ll hurt you right now.” The most affectionate thing that I said to the child: “Shut up, you bastard!”. And in general, it seems to the child’s stepfather (an aging gopnik who is over 40 according to his passport, and 13–14 years old in his mind) to teach the kid to answer any words of his grandmother: “Shut up, old bitch!” - great witty joke. In general, the boy does not have any disorders, he just looks like his parents.

Case #2

6-year-old girl Sasha speaks of herself in the masculine gender and tries to convince everyone that she is a boy, Sanya. Gender identity disorder? Don't give a damn. It’s just that dad and mom wanted a second son, and from infancy they tell their daughter what a pity that she was not born a boy. To any manifestation of weakness they say: “What are you like a girl ?!” (hey, garage, your child is actually a girl!), and a request to buy beautiful shoes perceived as a sign that the daughter will grow up to be a prostitute - she already knows this word very well. At the same time, the girls rush about with their older brother like with a written bag: he is a boy. Sasha, of course, has two options: either forever recognize himself as a second-class person, or try to somehow become a first-class person. She chose the latter option. And this is completely normal for a person with a healthy psyche. It's not normal - to spoil a smart and precocious girl's head like that even before school!

Case #3

The first-grader is constantly trying to get into other children's shorts, attaches himself from behind, imitating sexual intercourse, and persuades the girls to dance a striptease. The alarm was sounded by the parents of the girl whom he offered for a chocolate bar, I quote, "to suck his pussy." Increased interest in this topic in such early age can be a symptom of several big problems. Either the child was corrupted, or he has a serious hormonal failure (an adult hormonal set in the child's body), or some problems with the cerebral cortex. However, it turns out that just the father of the child considers it completely normal to watch porn on the computer in the presence of his son: “What's wrong? He's small, he doesn't understand anything. And if he understands, let him grow up as a peasant, gee-gee-gee.

Case #4

A 10-year-old girl literally hates all boys and any hint of intersexual relations. A neighbor on the desk, who said that she was beautiful, ran into a fury and broke his nose. We find out that the whole situation arose because of the girl's mother. This is a single mother. A woman with a stormy but not very happy personal life. A series of "new dads", some of which did not last even three months (and one of them also beat the girl), and "we are like girlfriends, I tell her everything, everything." That is, the mother made her daughter a confidant. From early childhood, a child is aware of which of his mother's uncles has problems with potency, who has a jealous wife who watches over her mother at work at the entrance, who is “measuring, she didn’t even buy a ring”, from whom she had three abortions, and so on. Mom sincerely believes that she is preparing the girl for adulthood. The girl thinks adulthood- it's just endless showdowns with someone's wives, abortions and non-members, and I saw all this in a coffin (and in this case it's hard not to understand her).

Case #5

10 year old boy. Rare case. The mother brought the child with a request: “Do something! He annoys his father." In general, the search for a “magic button” that can be pressed to make the child comfortable is a favorite topic of parents who bring children themselves. In general, the situation is almost classic: dad from time to time finds new love and goes to her, then mother wins him back with borscht and silk robes. For some time the family is idyll, and then everything repeats itself. The gaps are getting shorter, and the child generally “spoils everything” - he treats his dad like a dad, and not like an eastern padishah. Recently - just think! - asked a parent suffering from a hangover to help him solve the problem. The boy was swearing and got such a slap on the back of the head that he flew off to the wall. Answer: “Better, damn it, write out healing pendels to dad!” Of course, this does not fit into the framework of professional ethics, but this is perhaps the main thing that comes to mind in this case.

I am 20 years old. I feel lonely among a bunch of people. I am sociable, I easily enter into a conversation, but I can’t let anyone into my soul. I have a particular relationship with friendship. It seems to me that there are no such wise people who can listen to me, understand, instruct.
But most importantly, I have no feelings for my parents. It's like strangers. I don't even hang out with them.
As a child, I grew up without parents. Without parents with living parents. This also happens. My father has been drinking for as long as I can remember. There were constant conflicts, screams, scandals. At the age of 4, my mother took me to the village to my grandparents - she decided to protect me from my father's drunken antics. So from the age of 4 I began to live with my grandparents. It seems to me that already at the age of 4 I hated my father. And he adored his mother. Only she came to me from the city once a month. The day of her arrival was a holiday, and the day of departure - grief and tears. Then I went there in the village in the 1st grade. My grandmother raised me in strictness: no companies, no girls, while you are studying. She constantly scolded her mother for living with an alcoholic. Because of this, I screamed and cried, I did not understand why my grandmother scolded my mother.
At school I behaved well, studied well. But I didn't have those kind of friends. Where everyone went, I did not go there. My mother promised to take me to her place in the 5th grade, send me to study in a school in the city, she said, they say, my grandmother is already old, it’s hard for her. How I did not want to leave school and leave the village! In general, this did not happen. My mother did not take me anywhere, and I stayed to live and study with my grandmother.
There was everything. Sometimes parents were needed, but they were not there. Attachment to mother persisted until adolescence. Then something happened and my mother lost some value in my life. Her arrival was no longer a holiday. I was on my own. What he wanted, he did. It was like he lived in his own world. Achievement has dropped markedly. And my grandmother was no longer the one to keep me in line. If in primary school she checked homework, then in the middle classes no longer. For her, the main thing was that I was full and not noisy. And I didn't make any noise. I didn’t drink, I didn’t smoke and I didn’t hang around at night - there was no company. Of course, I managed to make 2 friends. They were no different from me, only if they grew up in a normal family and had access to the world (tinkered with motorcycles, mobile phones). Thus passed adolescence.
In a conversation with others, I never said that my father drank, that I lived without parents and that I had few friends. I always wanted to show that my family is the same as others.
Then the mother divorced the father because of his drunkenness. He asked on his knees not to leave him, that he would stop drinking. He still stopped drinking and his mother stayed with him, even though they were already divorced. Father became like a man, began to work. I didn’t think of moving to the city (they didn’t invite me), I firmly decided to finish 11 classes in the countryside. When I was 17, my father left my mother for a mistress. It didn't upset me at all.
Grandmother died and mother went to live with grandfather (her father). And I graduated from high school and went to the city to enter the institute.
Now I live alone. And for some reason right now I began to understand how hard it is. Recently, in a conversation with someone, as a child, I mentioned something about my parents, so to speak, I lied from the series “my parents and I ...”, and immediately thought about why I was talking about a carefree childhood, trying to look the same as everyone else ... After all, right now it's hard. Now I could apply what my parents could give me if I lived with them, otherwise I have to figure everything out myself. I never blamed my parents, and I treat them neither well nor badly - in any way. Only now there was and is not any connection and warmth with them, however, as with other people. They trust me, and I don't trust anyone. Recently I thought that all the problems come from childhood and that right now I want a big friendly family.

If it so happened in your life that you happened to connect your life with a person who received little love in childhood, then you need to make every effort to fill the void in his soul that formed in childhood. Of course, this is not easy - it may take more than one year until he gains confidence in you and feels like a happy person. Most importantly, don't give up.

1. To get started, seek advice from a psychologist or psychotherapist, depending on the severity of deviations in behavior. Describe in detail to him the situation, manifestations of "dislike", what you managed to learn about the person's childhood. The specialist will give you recommendations on how to behave in a given situation. Perhaps, over time, you will be able to persuade your loved one to take part in trainings or attend individual sessions with a psychologist.

2. Try to earn his trust. In no case should your words diverge from actions. The slightest deceit and trust will be lost forever. Let him know that you are the most reliable person in his life, you will never betray him, deceive him, or reject him. We repeat, not only words, but also actions should speak about this.

3. Surround him with your attention and care. He must feel your love to the fullest. Tell him more often about how you love him, how you need him, that he is irreplaceable. Over time, the void created in childhood will be filled with your love.

4. Do not tire of repeating that you believe in him. This is necessary in order to increase his self-esteem and give an incentive to action. Praise him for any achievements, notice all the successes, do not doubt his strength, support, encourage. He just needs to be believed.

5. Try to understand him, talk to him about his childhood, about what hurt him, offended, worried. Perhaps you will succeed and he will understand that in fact his parents loved him very much, but due to some life circumstances they could not pay more attention to him.

It is very important that he understand this and forgive his parents. If they are still alive, then you can invite them to dinner and talk heart to heart.
If you are patient and true love, then over time you will be able to fill the void in the soul of a loved one, earn his trust and give him true happiness.

What are the consequences of "disliked" in the lives of women?

The girl's most important role model, the most faithful friend and adviser is her mother. If the girl does not receive her portion of love, then a woman grows out of her with a huge number of complexes that prevent her from living a full life. How can this manifest itself?

Difficulties arise in personal life. Having become close to a man, she expects betrayal from him throughout the relationship, suspects him of betrayal, constantly accuses him of not paying enough attention to her, no matter how reverently he treats her.

Most often, women do not stop at one man. They constantly start new novels, but every time something does not suit them. With their endless throwing, they seem to be trying to make up for the lack parental love.

Relationships with their own children do not add up. There are two possible scenarios here. A woman either copies her own mother's behavior model and shows coldness towards children, or idolizes them, pampers them, pouring all her immoderate love on them, as a result of which they often grow up dependent, selfish.

Unloved women suffer from low self-esteem, lack of love and self-respect. Here the installation, laid down in deep childhood, is triggered - the lack of praise and encouragement from the side of the mother. If her parents didn't love her, then there's no reason for that.

For the most part, they are closed and unsociable, they have few friends, they hardly make new contacts. And all because they do not believe in people, their sincerity and honesty.

Girls who did not receive enough love and tactile sensations from their parents until the age of 6 often grow up frigid. Touching them does not touch or even cause hostility.

This is not a complete list of problems that may accompany a woman who was “unloved” in childhood.

What are the consequences of "dislike" in the lives of men?

With boys, parents usually treat them more strictly, in the hope of growing a real man out of him. But at the same time, they often choose the wrong line of behavior, and the boy develops a persistent deficit of parental love. Its effects carry over into adulthood. Most men who lacked love in childhood have low self-esteem. They do not have ambition and desire to make a brilliant career. They do not believe in themselves and sincerely believe that they are failures. Such men often close in on themselves and direct all the aggression towards themselves - they start smoking, drinking, and getting involved in drugs.

Deprived of parental love, men do not look after their own appearance- they prefer to hide in the crowd from prying eyes with a gray shadow. The other extreme is stress eating. Everyone knows that a person gets pleasure from food, in our case, men replace the lack of love with tasty and plentiful food.

In personal life, too, not everything is smooth. A man completely repeats the scenario he has already seen once - his wife most often looks like a mother, and he himself subconsciously copies the behavior of his father. Often, trusting relationships in the family do not arise at all, and they are kept only on sex.

Many men become real ladies' man. Trying to make up for the lack of love, they change partners all their lives, enter into casual relationships, deserve the title of conqueror of women's hearts, but remain deeply unhappy.

In addition to all of the above, there are a number of psychiatric disorders that are directly related to the lack of parental love in childhood. Psychiatrists say that many violence, serial crimes are committed by such people.

Where does "dislike" come from?

There may be others life situations that will make the child feel abandoned, unnecessary to anyone. As a rule, the consequences of these childhood stresses are manifested in adulthood.

Mother's inattention, her immersion in personal life. Especially often such situations occur when the mother remarries after a divorce and plunges headlong into the device of her own happiness, often leaving the child alone with herself and her need for affection. Stress against the background of the parents' divorce, the appearance of a new stranger in the family, the mother's love for him - all this in combination adds up to a real psychological trauma for the child. He begins to feel superfluous, unnecessary, deprived of love.

If the mother is very passionate about her career or is the only breadwinner for her child, then she may not have enough time and energy to show love for her child. She undoubtedly loves him, tries to give him everything, provide him with healthy food, good clothes, toys, but behind the veil of problems she forgets to give the child the main thing - her love.

The mother pays enough attention to the child, devotes a lot of time to him, but the temperament of the child is such that he needs even more love. In this case, even with the constant presence of the mother nearby, the child will experience a lack of love.

The presence of a family member in need of permanent care. For example, an elderly sick grandmother, with whom the mother is forced to spend all her time. It also contributes to the development of a love deficit in the child.

Wrong approach to education. Sometimes mothers use the "forbidden trick" - they threaten to deprive the child of their love for disobedience and bad behavior. It would seem that this is so? But the child perceives all the information coming from the parents literally and is actually afraid of losing maternal love for a fault.

Family quarrels between parents also make you feel unnecessary, when they are so immersed in the process of sorting out the relationship that they forget that the baby is next to them and does not feel very good at that moment.

It may also be that the mother simply does not realize that she is making the child worse. For example, overprotective mothers sincerely believe that they give their child all the love that is in their heart, but in fact it only suppresses the child's personality, disrupts the healthy formation of his personality.
Some mothers attribute their desires and feelings to their children. For example, he does not understand that the child is hungry and instead of feeding him, he dresses him in warm clothes, believing that he is cold. The inability to distinguish and "hear" the needs of one's child as a result is also perceived by an adult child as a lack of love.

All people develop different life circumstances. Someone is content with a full meal, a roof over their heads, and the boundless love of their parents. And someone is deprived of a happy serene childhood. If the parents separate early, when their baby is just growing up, this leaves a certain imprint on his child's fragile psyche. And such a child will be significantly different from his peers who grow up in complete families. This difference can be expressed both in worldview and in lifestyle, behavior and habits. Is it worth it to connect your life with such a guy, or is it better to find a more suitable option?

So to start let's figure it out that can have such a profound effect on the outlook on life of a poor boy raised by only one parent.

1) Important point- this is the reason for the separation of his parents.
- For example, his mother could die, and he remained in the care father. Such a deep trauma can immediately force little boy to mature. Their family has a common grief that will unite them with their father. He will grow up to be a very sensitive young man, able to experience and sympathize. After all, the one who himself felt something negative will be able to understand how bad it is for people who have experienced some kind of grief.

If the separation of the parents happened by mutual decision, and, for example, the mother who raised him alone never turned him against his father, and he periodically came to visit his son, not forgetting to pay alimony regularly, then the boy can grow up absolutely an ordinary child. After all, the concept of Sunday dad is not only in divorced families. For example, if a man works at a job that involves constant business trips, children also rarely see him, but this does not change anything in their worldview.

If one of the parents treacherously abandoned family, and even more so for the sake of a new relationship, this is the situation that can really greatly affect the formation of the views of a small child. For some reason, it is usually men who leave families in this way. A boy, feeling the torment of his mother, can become a real man-hater. But there are two opinions on how he will behave with his future wife.

Some believe that seeing the suffering of their closest women, they will not allow their wife to suffer in the same way. And his father's behavior will be an example of how not to behave in relationships, and even more so in marriage. But on the other hand, such a boy can be angry with his father and feel sorry for his mother, constantly shielding her and holding the opinion that she is just a victim of circumstances. When his wife behaves inappropriately, he may begin to show cruelty to her, believing that if his mother suffered for nothing, then why can't his wife, who deserved punishment, receive it. You need to be very careful with guys who have such stable views on the model of relations between a man and a woman.

2) The second meaning is who exactly the boy was raised by.. That is, which parent was missing in .

If a boy brought up only father, it is likely that he will only hear about tenderness, caresses, etc. Such a guy can be rude in displays of love. But we can fix it anyway. Most importantly, show young man to his mistakes, explaining why you are not satisfied with this or that treatment.

If a guy brought up only a mother, then on the contrary, he will grow up softer, perhaps even feminine. But he will be able to deal with women. He is a little lacking in the character of cruelty, masculine manifestation, firmness, therefore, most likely, unconsciously, he will choose a tougher girl for his partner, and not a sweet and kind one.

These two points are better consider in direct combination with each other. Only then will it be possible to draw almost unmistakable conclusions about the character of your chosen one. But you also need to remember that guys who grew up without one parent are most often psychologically broken and very vulnerable individuals, so they need a special approach. Try not to offend your loved one, but rather show care and participation for him.

It is believed that the famous successful person- is the one who was "born in a shirt." But still, sometimes luck is late and sticks to a person far from birth. We offer you a selection of 10 talented and famous people whose early years cannot be called cloudless, because they passed without their mothers and fathers.

Steve Jobs

One of the most successful and wealthy people on Earth, Steve Jobs was an unwanted child. His unmarried mother gave birth to a boy and immediately gave it up for adoption.

She wanted to adoptive parents certainly had higher education, but the couple who wanted to take the baby - accountant Clara and mechanic Paul Jobs - did not have university degrees. The unlucky mother nevertheless agreed to hand over the child to them, but only when they signed a written commitment to pay for his college education.

Stephen grew up as a smart boy and from childhood was fascinated by technology and electronics. He really went to college, but after the first semester he dropped out: he did not like that his parents paid for his studies with great difficulty, and he did not see much point in this. Soon he became interested in computers, and this hobby turned out to be fatal.

Jack Nicholson

Jack, or fully John Joseph Nicholson, was born in New York in 1937 to singer June Nicholson and musician Don Rose. From infancy, the boy was raised by his grandparents, and he grew up in the belief that they are his parents.

Only in 1974, when the actor had already become famous, did the sly reporter manage to unearth the family secret that Jack's "older sister" was actually his own mother.

But too late: by that time, June had suddenly died of cancer, and her grandmother-mother was also no longer in the world. In general, Jack had a fairly prosperous childhood, and his school passion for theater and cinema successfully developed into a profession.

Marilyn Monroe

Cult actress, singer, model and sex symbol of the 50s Norma Jean Baker, aka the unforgettable Marilyn Monroe, was born in 1926 in Los Angeles. Her mother was an assembler from one of the Hollywood film studios, and her father is not known for certain, since her mother divorced her husband more than a year before the birth of her daughter and was in several romantic relationships.

Unfortunately, the girl's mother had financial problems and a not entirely healthy psyche, and therefore, Norma Jean spent most of her childhood, starting from the age of 2 weeks, in shelters and foster families. When, at the age of 11, the mother nevertheless took the girl into her new family, Norma Jean encountered sexual harassment stepfather and ran away to a great aunt.

However, even there she suffered from the obsessive harassment of one of her aunt's sons, and therefore was sent to live with an elderly friend. At the age of 16, to avoid another orphanage, Norma Jean hastily married and dropped out of school, worked in an aircraft factory during World War II, and after that began her career as a model and actress.

Coco Chanel

Legendary woman, style icon Gabrielle Bonheur Chanel was born in France in 1883 as the second child of unmarried parents. Her mother died in childbirth, and her single father didn't really need children.

When Gabrielle was 11 years old, he left them, and Coco never saw her father again. Relatives took care of the sisters for some time, and then they were sent to an orphanage at the monastery. Because of the hatred of the shelter form, Coco had a dream - to dress women beautifully.

After moving to Paris, Coco Chanel first sang in a cabaret, where she got her nickname, and then worked in a lingerie store until she managed to open her own hat shop and later a famous fashion house.

Truman Capote

Truman Garcia Capote, American writer and playwright, whose fame was brought by the novel In Cold Blood, the novella Breakfast at Tiffany's (the main role in the film adaptation was played by the legendary Audrey Hepburn) and more than 20 other filmed works, was born in 1924 and bore the name Truman Strekfus Persons.

When he was four, his parents divorced, but the child did not stay with his mother, but was sent to her relatives. Suffering from loneliness, the boy independently learned to read and write, began to compose the first stories.

When he was nine, his mother married textile broker Joseph Capote, who treated her child well and adopted him, but soon his stepfather was accused of embezzlement, and the family plunged into poverty.

Eric Clapton

The famous British rock musician Eric Clapton was born in 1945 as the fruit of love between a 16-year-old schoolgirl and a 24-year-old Canadian soldier. Even before the birth of his son, his father was sent to war, and then returned to his native Canada and never came again.

Eric grew up with his grandmother and her second husband, his mother's stepfather, sincerely considering them his parents, and his mother - an older sister. When he was still a baby, the "sister" married another Canadian soldier, moved to West Germany, and the connection between them broke off.

Eric Clapton dedicated the song Tears In Heaven to his dead son

At the age of thirteen, the "parents" gave the boy his first guitar, a little later he became interested in the blues and has not parted with music since then.

Pierce Brosnan

Pierce Brendan Brosnan, who plays James Bond, was born in Ireland in 1953. A year later, his father left the family, and Pierce got to know him again only after he had matured and become famous. The mother also did not want to raise her own son: she moved to live and work in London, and left the boy in the care of her parents.

When grandparents passed away, Pierce Brosnan was entrusted to his uncle and aunt, but they did not want to mess with someone else's offspring and sent him to the "Christ Brothers School", where corporal punishment was actively used. And only when the child was 10 years old, his mother remarried and took him to her place in London.

Growing up, the young man began to earn money as a tout in a department store, a janitor and a dishwasher, and at the same time he was approaching his dream - he studied at the London School of Drama.

Mike Tyson

The father left the future boxer with his mother when Mike was not even a year old. Mike Tyson was difficult child and spent most of his time with the same street boys as himself. Teenagers traded in petty robbery and theft, and Tyson eventually ended up in a children's colony.

The visit of the legendary Muhammad Ali changed everything: Tyson decided to become a boxer and began to exercise. He was noticed by coach Cus d'Amato, who settled the boy with him and took custody of him. Over the years, Tyson has become one of the most titled boxers in the world.

A difficult childhood was not in vain - Mike Tyson has three previous convictions and years of struggle with drug, alcohol and gambling addictions. He is one of the most famous athletes who is in trouble with the law.

John Lennon

Strictly speaking, an orphan John Lennon failed to overcome childhood trauma

Lennon painfully loved his mother, dedicated songs to her. About the song Julia, co-written with Paul McCartney, he said that it merged the images of Yoko Ono and Julia Lennon. At the same time, it is known that the musician, in fits of rage, beat both Yoko and his first wife, Cynthia.

Jamie Fox

Oscar winner for his performance as blind bluesman Ray Charles, actor Jamie Foxx grew up without parents. The seven-month-old baby was given to his parents by his mother Louise, and Jamie grew up in a Baptist family with his grandparents. At the same time, these people were not his blood relatives - the couple once adopted Louise Annette.

Jamie Foxx knew his biological parents, but they never took part in his upbringing. In an interview, Fox emphasized that he did not hold a grudge against his mother and father and always tried to keep his heart open.

Despite this, he repeatedly wondered what a baby could do to his mother so that she would leave him. Childhood trauma, we note, did not become an obstacle in his life - Fox went to the goal for many years and as a result became a famous actor, the owner of his own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

The road to fame is not without difficulties - whether you were born into a wealthy family or were forced to achieve everything on your own. The public is not interested in who your mom and dad are, the main thing is talent and charisma. We invite you to read about the stars who became famous, despite the glory of their parents.
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