Dear adult girls, have you ever thought about how you feel about your mothers and what words you say to them? Here I am, a mother who loved her daughter immensely, spoiled, kissed, took all the affairs on herself and what did she get? Now I also continue to clean, wash, cook, and not only for an adult daughter who knows only her job, but also for granddaughter. I can't live without my girls! But it's all my fault, no matter what happens. From my daughter, I do not hear affectionate words, but only orders. My granddaughter communicates well with me when my mother is not at home. But if my mother is at home, she begins to say bad words to me, push me, beat me (she is still small), apparently to please her mother. Naturally, my mother immediately blames me , which means I myself said something wrong and did it to the child. And all this in the presence of a girl! He is raising a chameleon, which will adapt to the circumstances. It is very insulting and hard to live like this. At the same time, I have heard from my daughter more than once that I am needed while the granddaughter is small, and then "you will live alone in old age." Yes, and not only I heard this ... Of course, after this I am no longer an angel either, I can say something in response. We tried to figure out the relationship with our daughter once and for all, to leave everything bad in the past, but, unfortunately, nothing happens .... That's how we live.

My mother is completely inadequate. Sometimes I think that she has something wrong with her head. Sometimes she harasses simply because she was bored. He has fun humiliating his daughter. God forbid this happens to your daughter. She herself is useless and unfulfilled. Even I don't need it now since I realized that she never loved me.

No. It's impossible to forgive. My awareness of dislike came at the age of 26. Until this year of my life, I forgave her everything. At 26, something happened in my life. And she turned away. The closest person took and turned away from me when help was needed. Then I realized that I didn’t need it at all in her life. And unloved in general. My brother has always been a favorite. Right now I'm 35 years old. I'm very angry at her. For all. We live in different cities. I call her for a mark every 2 months. And hearing how much she loves me and misses me very much, that it would be nice to be there (and she was more than once - everything was as usual - humiliation insults), I just grin at these words to her. I don’t smile and I’m glad that she loves me, but I grin.
Because now I don't believe. For me, these are empty words. And yes, I need to prove love by deeds, not by words about it. I even forbid my husband to just tell me that he loves me! Like this! Well, what are you ready to forgive and believe, many years after the REALIZATION of dislike, that your mommy, it turns out, loved you all her life and did it for your own good ?! Hardly.

But what if the mother still does not accept. I am 43g insults, humiliation, constant insults and claims, how much money you don’t give, whatever you do, everything is small and bad. I don’t love anymore, but I can’t stop communicating - my mother has grown old and her relationship with everyone is ruined. I call, I go, I apologize, another heavy “slap in the face”, after that I shout a small child, my husband, and so on in an endless circle.

no need to ask for forgiveness if you are not guilty .. asking for forgiveness from a mother who does not love you means giving her a sense of power over you. Don't apologize without guilt.. don't

Difficult topic. I know how many unloved daughters there are in the world. Many friends shared with me. I myself am in the same position. Childhood years, when the father was in the family, are excluded. Then he went to a younger and more attractive one. Finally accusing my mother of cheating. It doesn't matter if they were or not. But I, the fat daughter, had to pay for the insult. If she had not given birth to me, then her husband would not have left. She considers herself the best. The culprit of the gap in her eyes was me, an eleven-year-old girl. The attitude towards me immediately changed. Constant screams, insults with abusive words, everything is not like that - I stand, walk, hold my hands, look ... Every day, swearing and even beatings. Over time, this attitude changed to a constant demand for money, leveling my successes and constant slander to others. It was necessary to maintain the image of the "enemy" in the family. Making excuses in front of everyone is a waste of time.
Despite the difficulties, I think that in life I took place. True, I had to turn to a psychologist. Caring for a mother of 11 (eleven) years after strokes. I try to forgive, but I can't. With age I realized its cruelty. And a person, despite illness and helplessness, does not change. Claims and swearing have not gone anywhere

My mother loved only my brother, and I am the eldest "somehow." The demand from me was different, they brought me up with a “whip”. Now I am 37. I am a successful, wealthy woman, my brother, 30 years old, is a helpless man with an undeveloped life. I forgave my mother a long time ago. I love her very much and am grateful that I have her - alive and healthy. But I am not affectionate at all, I understand this and cannot remake myself, it is imbued in me. Dear mothers, love your children, but in moderation.

My mother, too, when I was small, was constantly dissatisfied with me, was constantly furious if I did everything the way I wanted ... Many years later, I understood why she behaved this way, because as a child she could not even say her opinion, because she always did what her older sisters and brothers told her and she did not dare to disobey.
And as for the fact that this may be reflected in the future, I believe that it depends on the person himself, because everyone builds his own life, he is the master of his life. We must forgive and let go, because it is not in vain that they say that the humpbacked grave will fix it. And most importantly, stop blaming, you need to live in the present.
Now, I have a great relationship with my mom. I forgave her because I understood why this attitude was towards me.

My mother loved only her older sister. She closed me and went for a walk with her sister. When I learned to walk, I found a jar of kerosene from thirst and drank it. Always, all my life I wanted her to love me. As a child, I brought her any yummy. This is a trauma for life. The sister is selfish, beloved. The most annoying thing is that I often heard from her that she and her sister crawled under the train, and I stayed on the other side, the train started moving. Mom said that if I climbed after them, I would be cut. protected me. When she died, I helped wash her and told her - I FORGIVE YOU.

I support Miroslava - this always remains: “you didn’t deserve it”, “you are the worst, others have children, and why are you like this to me” - and then there are a lot of words, what, I just don’t want to repeat ... And you always prove, you deserve ... She to I understood old age, but only I was almost old by that time, and it’s no longer necessary. It just keeps hurting. Mom, Mom, where have you been all my life ...

Everything is said correctly. Mom's dislike is a curse that haunts you all your life. And it's not about self-realization in professional activities, but about finding your love. When, even realizing that love is a given, you still try to deserve it. Because you can’t do otherwise, because you have been told all your life that you are not loved for this, this and that. From childhood you were taught to deserve love and not someone there, but the person whose love is taken for granted, a given, not a merit. Problems in personal life are a consequence of mother's dislike. And this is natural, because if the most dear person does not love you - mom, then who will love you at all? ..

I appeal to adults, unloved and unhappy daughters! Or maybe you need to ask yourself a question: “How capable am I of giving warmth and love to a mother? Do I overestimate the requirements for her? ”After all, she is a simple woman, with her pluses and minuses, joys and problems, with a developed or not very ability to express her feelings. Who needs this picking in relations with the mother? With an emphasis on blaming her and selflessly reveling in the topic: “My mother doesn’t love me?” Try to build your wonderful relationship with your children. I think that you are sure that you can do it. What do they think of these relationships? Adult daughters! Be wise and truly mature!

All that is possible is to understand that the way you imagined an ideal family there = your personal idealization. Why do you insist on it, especially in adulthood?
After all, you have seen cases of such treatment, or drunkenness in the family, or when everything is everything for one child, and nothing for another!
Say: "It happens too! And I don't know how to do it alone!" Your idealization has collapsed (created by you), based on nothing. You see that reality does NOT match your expectations, but you insist on your own. WHY ???
They took note that this also happens, they said: “All people are different, I allow them to behave as they see fit or right, depending on their moral attitudes.”
As long as you rush about with your experiences like this, and also build internal dialogues with such people, it will be so.
They behaved like that, and what about you?
In any case, you will not solve the problem. However, you can forgive. How is it? Yes, just recognize the right of others to lead as they want.
We can say that we can set deadlines for correcting the situation. Not? So no. Everything, there is nothing to discuss. You can't change anything else.

Yes, Zoritsa, of course, all people are different and have the right to behave as they see fit. But in this case, we are talking about the behavior of the mother - and after all, this behavior forms the personality of her child. And no matter how much later this grown child does auto-training, no matter how much he understands and forgives his mother, no matter how much he cultivates self-confidence - all the same, huge complexes from childhood, only driven deep and far away, will remain for life, breaking it . Therefore, of course, it is necessary to “let go” of all past grievances, but at the same time it is also necessary to realize that, by and large, nothing can be corrected. Under the condition of constant work on oneself, one can only more or less successfully pretend that “everything is fine, beautiful marquise” ...

And even as a child, I was able to say to myself: “It’s not me that’s bad, but you! ...” And I stopped paying attention to criticism from my mother ... let her talk! Otherwise I would just go crazy! She did what she considered necessary and did the right thing! Yes, what would happen to me if I listened to all the criticism addressed to me and took it to heart? I am now very mature, but even now, every time I meet my mother, she will “perform” something. And already as an adult, I often ask myself the question: “What did I do wrong as a child?” She studied well at school, graduated from the institute and got a profession, she was always in good standing at work ... What's wrong? Mystery of the human soul.

If I didn’t pay attention, I wouldn’t ask myself the question of what was done wrong? And what did he do wrong there, and for whom, everything is software. And so you just ASSURE yourself to yourself that everything is good with you, you don’t feel it, but you assure. You had everything, you have it, and, for sure, it will be fine, why is she still not happy with you and, finally, she won’t fall in love with you and rejoice with you in your successes?! Yes, what's wrong? Damn it!

As they say, the humpbacked grave will fix it. For all my actions, I hear only words of condemnation from my mother. And I'm 43 years old. I told her that I would no longer share and tell her nothing. Did not help. Therefore, I constantly argue with her, defending my point of view. Tired. I just try to communicate with her less often, take care of myself.

my mother never loved me, although I am an only child .. unfortunately I realized this late .. at the age of 35 .. actually I understood a long time ago, I took it for granted at 35 years old .. it is very difficult to understand that your mother does not love you .. who didn’t pass - WILL NOT understand .. at the moment I’m 48 and for every phrase my mother will always find a negative answer, up to insults, if she didn’t find other words .. besides, she is jealous of how I live and work so much that I don’t wishes my family prosperity .. she thinks that it is better, more beautiful and worthy of the life that I have .. when I buy myself (my husband or daughter) food, things or shoes - she criticizes everything .. but then I find a sweater or jacket hanging out of place or trousers with a stain.. she always tried to wear my shoes until I stopped buying shoes with low heels.. she can’t wear a hairpin.. when I cook food, she criticizes how I cook and does not eat.. but at night we caught her on the fact of eating from a frying pan .. sets her father against me and now he also does not eat cooked food and food .. by the way - we live with my parents and my husband realized that my mother does not love me, before me herself .. at first he was tactfully silent, but recently he has to protect me from the attacks of my mother .. how to let it go? ?? how to forgive???

Hello. I have a dream, or rather a goal, and I really strive for this goal. But, I am afraid to tell my mother about my goals, dreams, thoughts, because every time I tried to tell my mother something, she did not listen to me, did not support me. I really like to learn different languages ​​(I know Armenian, English, Russian, I study Japanese, Korean, Ukrainian), and my mother and relatives have already decided for me that I will become a translator or a teacher and work in prestigious places, but I don’t like this kind of work , This is not for me. I study languages ​​because I like learning about other countries and being able to talk to the people of that country, but I love the stage, I love being the center of attention. I wanted to become a model in Japan, but my mother did not agree, now I have a goal in front of me - I want to audition for a Korean idol, I am often told that I have a good voice and that if I practice vocals, it will be very good. So, I don’t want to say that I have a really great voice, but I want to practice vocals for at least two months and send an application for an audition, I really want to try, trying is not torture. I didn’t tell my mom what my plans were, only today I said that I want to do vocals, but she said no. I want to go through this path even if it is very difficult, because this is my dream and I have willpower, if I set a goal, I will definitely get to it. If I go to my goal, but everything will be bad in the end, at least I will blame myself, and if my mother forbids me to fulfill my dream, I don’t want to blame her for this for the rest of my life, but I can’t, it’s my dream. I don’t know what to do, how to convince my mother that such a job as a translator is not for me, that maybe it will be better for me with my choice, at least once I will decide what to do. I cry a lot, very often, but sometimes there is no particular reason to cry, I can sit sit and burst into tears just like that, but I especially cry when I understand that there is no one who would help me, support me, I cry more when I think about the future, because I want to go my own way, I cry also, because I don’t have anyone to talk to, especially my mother, I don’t trust at all. I'm the kind of person that it's easy to regain my trust, but I've tried so many times to trust my mom, but she doesn't want to listen to anyone. Please help what should I do? Maybe I'm guilty of something, but what? that I just have a dream/goal? What should I do so that my mother will let me go and give me a chance to fulfill this dream? It was not like my mother supported me when it was very difficult for me, on the contrary, she always said that I was to blame for everything, I understand that sometimes I make mistakes, but I become stronger because of this. And when I don't want my mother to interfere, she will always interfere. How can I do it please help me. Thanks in advance. (Sorry if there were errors in the text.)

The most precious word in life for every person is mom. It was for us the source of the most valuable thing - life. How does it happen that there are children and even adults from whom you can hear terrible words: “Mom doesn’t love me…”? Can such a person be happy? What are the consequences in adult life for an unloved child and what to do in such a situation?

unloved child

In all literary, musical and artistic works, the image of the mother is sung as gentle, kind, sensitive and loving. Mom is associated with warmth and care. When we feel bad, we voluntarily or involuntarily shout “Mom!”. How does it happen that for someone mom is not in this way. Why do we increasingly hear: “What if my mother does not love me?” from children and even adults.

Surprisingly, such words can be heard not only in problem families, where parents fall under the risk group category, but also in families, at first glance, very prosperous, where everything is normal in the material sense, the mother takes care of the child, feeds him, clothes , escorts to school, etc.

It turns out that it is possible to perform all the duties of a mother on the physical level, but at the same time deprive the child of the main thing - in love! If a girl does not feel maternal love, she will go through life with a pile of fears and complexes. This also applies to boys. For a child, an internal question is: “What should I do if my mother does not love me?” turns into a real disaster.Boys, in general, having matured, will not be able to treat a woman normally, they will, without noticing it themselves, unconsciously take revenge on her for the lack of love in childhood. It is difficult for such a man to build adequate, healthy and full-fledged, harmonious relationships with the female sex.

How is maternal dislike manifested?

If a mother is prone to regular moral pressure, pressure on her child, if she tries to move away from her child, not to think about his problems and not listen to his wishes, then most likely she really does not love her child. Constantly sounding inner question: “What if my mother does not love me?” leads a child, even an adult, to depressive states, which, as you know, are fraught with consequences. Mother's dislike may arise for various reasons, but most of all it is connected with the father of the child, who did not properly treat his woman, was greedy with her in everything, both in material and in feelings. Perhaps the mother was completely abandoned, and she is raising the child herself. And not even one!

All the mother's dislike for the child arises from the difficulties that she experiences. Most likely, this woman, being a child, herself was not loved by her parents ... It would not be surprising to discover if this mother herself in her childhood asked herself the question: “What should I do if my mother does not love me?”, But she did not look for answers to it and something either change in her life, but simply imperceptibly went the same way, repeating her mother's behavior model.

Why doesn't mom love me?

It is hard to believe, but there are situations in life of total indifference and hypocrisy of a mother to her child. Moreover, such mothers can praise their daughter or son in every possible way in public, but left alone, insult, humiliate and ignore. Such mothers do not restrict the child in clothing, food or education. They do not give him elementary affection and love, do not talk heart to heart with the child, are not interested in his inner world and desires. As a result, the son (daughter) does not love his mother. What to do if trusting sincere relations do not arise between mother and son (daughter). It even happens that this indifference is imperceptible.

The world around the child perceives through the prism of maternal love. And if it is not, then how will the unloved child see the world? From childhood, the child asks the question: “Why am I unloved? What's wrong? Why is my mother so indifferent and cruel to me? Of course, for him it is a psychological trauma, the depth of which can hardly be measured. This little man will go into adulthood squeezed, notorious, with a mountain of fears and not at all able to love and be loved. How should he build his life? Is it doomed to disappointment?

Examples of negative situations

Often, mothers themselves do not notice how they created a situation with their indifference, when they are already asking the question: “What if the child does not love his mother?” and do not understand the reasons, blaming again the child. This is a typical situation, moreover, if a child asks such a question, he looks for a way out with his childish mind and tries to please his mother, blaming himself. And mom, on the contrary, never wants to understand that she herself was the cause of such a relationship.

One example of a mother's undesirable attitude towards her child is the standard school grade in the diary. One child will be cheered up if the grade is low, they say, nothing, the next time it will be higher, and the other will be neglected and will be called mediocrity and lazy ... It also happens that mom doesn’t care about studying at all, and she doesn’t look at school, and she , and will not ask about what kind of pen you need or a new notebook? Therefore, to the question: “What if the children do not love their mother?” First of all, it is necessary to answer the mother to herself: “What did I do to make the children love me?”. Mothers pay dearly for neglecting their children.

Golden mean

But it also happens that a mother pleases her child in every possible way and raises a “narcissus” out of him - these are also anomalies, such children are not very grateful, they consider themselves the center of the universe, and their mother is the source of satisfaction of their needs. These children will also grow up unable to love, but they will learn to take and demand well! Therefore, there must be a measure in everything, a “golden mean”, rigor and love! Always, when a mother, you need to look for the roots in relation to the parent to his child. It is usually distorted and crippled, needs to be corrected, and the sooner the better. Children are able to quickly forgive and forget the bad, in contrast to the already formed adult consciousness.

Constant indifference and negative attitude towards the child make an indelible imprint on his life. Mostly even indelible. Only a few unloved children in adulthood find the strength and potential in themselves to correct the negative line of fate laid down by their mother.

What should a parent do if a 3-year-old child says that she does not love her mother and can even hit her?

This situation is often the result of emotional instability. Perhaps the child is not getting enough attention. Mom does not play with him, there is no physical contact. The baby needs to be often hugged, kissed and told to him about his mother's love for him. Before going to bed, he needs to calm down, stroking his back, reading a fairy tale. The situation of the relationship between mom and dad is also important. If it is negative, then do not be surprised at the behavior of the child. If there is a grandmother in the family, then her attitude towards mom and dad is a powerful influence on the psyche of the child.

In addition, there should not be too many prohibitions in the family, and the rules should be the same for everyone. If the child is too naughty, then try to listen to him, find out what is bothering him. Help him, show an example of a calm resolution of any difficult situation. This will be a great brick in his future adult life. And all fights, of course, need to be stopped. When waving at his mother, the child must, clearly looking into his eyes and holding his hand, firmly say that his mother cannot be beaten! The main thing is to be consistent in everything, act calmly and judiciously.

What not to do

The most common question is “What should I do if I am not a child beloved by my mother?” ask themselves already matured children too late. The thinking of such a person is already formed and is very difficult to correct. But do not despair! Awareness is the beginning of success! The main thing is that such a question does not grow into a statement: “Yes, no one loves me at all!”.

It’s scary to think, but the inner assertion that I am unloved by my mother has a catastrophic effect on relationships with the opposite sex. If it so happened that the son does not love his mother, then he is unlikely to be able to love his wife and children. Such a person is unsure of his abilities, does not trust people, cannot adequately assess the situation at work and outside the home, which affects his career growth and the environment as a whole. This also applies to daughters who do not love mothers.

You can’t lead yourself into a dead end and say to yourself: “Everything is wrong with me, I’m a loser (loser), I’m not good enough (good), I ruined (ruined) my mother’s life”, etc. Such thoughts will lead to even more impasse and dive into the problem. Parents are not chosen, so the situation must be released, and mom must be forgiven!

How to live and what to do if my mother does not love me?

The reasons for such thoughts are described above. “But how to live with it?” - the unloved child will ask in adulthood. First of all, you need to stop taking everything tragically and close to your heart. Life is one, and what quality it will be, for the most part depends on the person himself. Yes, it's bad that this happened to the relationship between mom, but that's not all!

You need to firmly say to yourself: “I will no longer allow negative messages from my mother to influence my inner world! This is my life, I want to have a healthy mind and a positive attitude towards the world around me! I can love and be loved! I know how to give joy and receive it from another person! I love to smile, I will wake up with a smile every morning and fall asleep every day! And I forgive my mother and do not hold a grudge against her! I love her simply because she gave me life! I am grateful to her for this and for the life lesson she gave me! Now I know for sure that a good mood should be appreciated and fought for the feeling of love in my soul! I know the price of love and I will give it to my family!

We change consciousness

It is impossible to love by force! Well, okay ... But you can change your attitude and the picture of the world drawn in our head! You can radically change your attitude to what is happening in the family. It's not easy, but necessary. You may need the help of a professional psychologist. If we are talking about a girl, she must understand that she herself will be a mother, and the most valuable thing she can give her child is care and love!

No need to strive to please mom, and anyone else. Just live and just do good deeds. You need to do it to the best of your ability. If you feel the edge, after which an anguish may occur, stop, take a break, rethink the situation and move on. If you feel that your mother again presses on you with an aggressive attitude and drives you into a corner, say calmly and firmly “No! I'm sorry mom, but don't push me. I am an adult and I am responsible for my life. Thanks for taking care of me! I will love you back. But you don't have to break me. I want to love and give love to my children. They are my best! And I'm dad) in the world!".

There is no need to strive to please your mother, especially if in all the years of living with her you have realized that any act, no matter what you do, will be criticized or, at best, indifferent. Live! Just live! Call and help mom! Talk to her about love, but do not tear yourself more! Do everything calmly. And don't make excuses for all her reproaches! Just say: "I'm sorry, mom ... Okay, mom ...", and nothing more, smile and move on. Be wise - this is the key to a calm and joyful life!

The topic of divorce of a married couple is not limited to the divorce process. If there are common children in the family, family relations of spouses who were previously married move to another plane. As a rule, minor children remain under the care of only one of them. The desire not just to meet occasionally, but to take a full part in the upbringing makes the former spouses find compromises that suit both parties. What to do if the mother after the divorce does not allow the father to see the child? How can a father defend his rights legally?

The right of the father to communicate with the child after the divorce

Article No. 66 of the Family Code of the Russian Federation fixes the right of any of the parents to participate in the upbringing of children left in the custody of the other side. This is possible if, during the divorce proceedings, the judicial authorities have not established any restriction on such joint participation. At the same time, the party that retained the primary right to raise the child does not have the right to prevent communication with the other parent.

According to statistics, as a result of divorce, children most often stay with their mother. If she voluntarily agrees to the unlimited participation of the father in the life of the child, then there are no problems. However, such a favorable outcome is not always possible. Often, children left with their mother, under various, sometimes far-fetched reasons, are deprived of legal meetings with their father.

If the mother’s desire to prevent the father from communicating with her offspring does not have serious grounds and judicial restrictions, then the father has the right in relation to his children:

It should be noted that the rights of the father in relation to the communication and upbringing of children left by the former spouse are determined by several circumstances related to the following points:

• the age of the child;
• physical condition;
• mother's work schedule;
• availability of comfortable conditions for meetings;
• the desire of the child to communicate with the parent.

What to do if the ex-spouse does not allow to see the child?

In the event that the former spouses fail to reach an understanding about the father's share in the upbringing of common children, then the overdue conflict will have to be resolved with the participation of the judiciary.

The party that considers itself the victim goes to court with a statement of claim. As a rule, judges consider the case from the point of view that creates the best conditions for the child, and only then suits both spouses.

It should be borne in mind that ignoring the fair claims of the ex-wife can negatively affect the father's image when it comes to litigation. For this reason, in the event of conflict situations for either spouse, the best solution would be temporary concessions to the demands of the other side. Such behavior will certainly be positively taken into account when making a court verdict.

The father should not take any illegal actions that could cause moral injury to the ex-wife or child, even if the judicial authorities have issued a ruling determining the procedure for communicating with the child, but the ex-spouse is trying to violate it. The father should not resolve the issue using forceful methods - take the child for a while without notifying the ex-wife and, moreover, try to kidnap him.

Drawing up a claim

The first point in the legal resolution of the dispute between the father and mother regarding the joint upbringing of children is the preparation and filing of a lawsuit with the court on the observance of rights defined by law. In addition to the request for a legal decision, the statement of claim must contain the following mandatory information:

• the name of the judicial authority to which the appeal was sent;
• passport details of the applicant;
• information about the child;
• date of application.

If the plaintiff has a clear understanding of what should be done after the divorce, and specific proposals on the procedure and method of communication with the child, this should also be attached to the claim.

Evidence that the ex-spouse is interfering with the ability to see the child should also be presented to the court.

These evidence may include:

• documented testimony of witnesses;
• records of telephone conversations;
• correspondence of former spouses.

In the event that the consideration of the statement of claim is delayed, the court has the right, at the request of the applicant, to determine a temporary procedure for communicating with children. Refusal of a positive decision that determines the order of communication, in practice, rarely happens and only in the presence of exceptional circumstances. The main emphasis in the consideration is on the preservation of the moral and physical health of the child.

Responsibility of the mother for violation of the established procedure for meetings between the father and the child

If the spouses did not come to a mutual agreement and went to court, then in the future they are obliged to act strictly in accordance with the court decision. The order of communication between parents and children, determined in accordance with the law, is mandatory for both parties. The mother, under whose care the child has remained, has no right to violate the orders issued and to put obstacles in the way of the father's communication with him.

Persistent misconduct by the mother that violates a court order may result in a retrial. If the child is constantly pressured by the former spouse to create a negative image of the father, this may serve as a reason for a decision overturning the previous verdict. If there are such facts, they should be recorded, preferably with the help of third parties. The collected evidence base on the balance and conflict-freeness of the plaintiff, as practice shows, is the main factor determining a positive result in the consideration of the case on the father's right to communicate with his child.

The father's compliance with all points of the decision made in court, the systematic building of a strategy that does not violate the rights of the spouse and, especially, the child, will significantly strengthen his position in the body considering the claim. After filing several lawsuits and presenting arguments, it will be possible that the judges will remove the responsibility for raising the child from the mother and place it on the father.

The most precious word in life for every person is mom. It was for us the source of the most valuable thing - life. How does it happen that there are children and even adults from whom you can hear terrible words: “Mom doesn’t love me…”? Can such a person be happy? What are the consequences in adult life for an unloved child and what to do in such a situation?

unloved child

In all literary, musical and artistic works, the image of the mother is sung as gentle, kind, sensitive and loving. Mom is associated with warmth and care. When we feel bad, we voluntarily or involuntarily shout “Mom!”. How does it happen that for someone mom is not in this way. Why do we increasingly hear: “What if my mother does not love me?” from children and even adults.

Surprisingly, such words can be heard not only in problem families, where parents fall under the risk group category, but also in families, at first glance, very prosperous, where everything is normal in the material sense, the mother takes care of the child, feeds him, clothes , escorts to school, etc.

It turns out that it is possible to perform all the duties of a mother on the physical level, but at the same time deprive the child of the main thing - in love! If a girl does not feel maternal love, she will go through life with a pile of fears and complexes. This also applies to boys. For a child, an internal question is: “What should I do if my mother does not love me?” turns into a real disaster.Boys, in general, having matured, will not be able to treat a woman normally, they will, without noticing it themselves, unconsciously take revenge on her for the lack of love in childhood. It is difficult for such a man to build adequate, healthy and full-fledged, harmonious relationships with the female sex.

How is maternal dislike manifested?

If a mother is prone to regular moral pressure, pressure on her child, if she tries to move away from her child, not to think about his problems and not listen to his wishes, then most likely she really does not love her child. Constantly sounding inner question: “What if my mother does not love me?” leads a child, even an adult, to depressive states, which, as you know, are fraught with consequences. Mother's dislike may arise for various reasons, but most of all it is connected with the father of the child, who did not properly treat his woman, was greedy with her in everything, both in material and in feelings. Perhaps the mother was completely abandoned, and she is raising the child herself. And not even one!

All the mother's dislike for the child arises from the difficulties that she experiences. Most likely, this woman, being a child, herself was not loved by her parents ... It would not be surprising to discover if this mother herself in her childhood asked herself the question: “What should I do if my mother does not love me?”, But she did not look for answers to it and something either change in her life, but simply imperceptibly went the same way, repeating her mother's behavior model.

Why doesn't mom love me?

It is hard to believe, but there are situations in life of total indifference and hypocrisy of a mother to her child. Moreover, such mothers can praise their daughter or son in every possible way in public, but left alone, insult, humiliate and ignore. Such mothers do not restrict the child in clothing, food or education. They do not give him elementary affection and love, do not talk heart to heart with the child, are not interested in his inner world and desires. As a result, the son (daughter) does not love his mother. What to do if trusting sincere relations do not arise between mother and son (daughter). It even happens that this indifference is imperceptible.

The world around the child perceives through the prism of maternal love. And if it is not, then how will the unloved child see the world? From childhood, the child asks the question: “Why am I unloved? What's wrong? Why is my mother so indifferent and cruel to me? Of course, for him it is a psychological trauma, the depth of which can hardly be measured. This little man will go into adulthood squeezed, notorious, with a mountain of fears and not at all able to love and be loved. How should he build his life? Is it doomed to disappointment?

Examples of negative situations

Often, mothers themselves do not notice how they created a situation with their indifference, when they are already asking the question: “What if the child does not love his mother?” and do not understand the reasons, blaming again the child. This is a typical situation, moreover, if a child asks such a question, he looks for a way out with his childish mind and tries to please his mother, blaming himself. And mom, on the contrary, never wants to understand that she herself was the cause of such a relationship.

One example of a mother's undesirable attitude towards her child is the standard school grade in the diary. One child will be cheered up if the grade is low, they say, nothing, the next time it will be higher, and the other will be neglected and will be called mediocrity and lazy ... It also happens that mom doesn’t care about studying at all, and she doesn’t look at school, and she , and will not ask about what kind of pen you need or a new notebook? Therefore, to the question: “What if the children do not love their mother?” First of all, it is necessary to answer the mother to herself: “What did I do to make the children love me?”. Mothers pay dearly for neglecting their children.

Golden mean

But it also happens that a mother pleases her child in every possible way and raises a “narcissus” out of him - these are also anomalies, such children are not very grateful, they consider themselves the center of the universe, and their mother is the source of satisfaction of their needs. These children will also grow up unable to love, but they will learn to take and demand well! Therefore, there must be a measure in everything, a “golden mean”, rigor and love! Whenever a child does not love his mother, you need to look for roots in the relationship of the parent to his child. It is usually distorted and crippled, needs to be corrected, and the sooner the better. Children are able to quickly forgive and forget the bad, in contrast to the already formed adult consciousness.

Constant indifference and negative attitude towards the child make an indelible imprint on his life. Mostly even indelible. Only a few unloved children in adulthood find the strength and potential in themselves to correct the negative line of fate laid down by their mother.

What should a parent do if a 3-year-old child says that she does not love her mother and can even hit her?

This situation is often the result of emotional instability. Perhaps the child is not getting enough attention. Mom does not play with him, there is no physical contact. The baby needs to be often hugged, kissed and told to him about his mother's love for him. Before going to bed, he needs to calm down, stroking his back, reading a fairy tale. The situation of the relationship between mom and dad is also important. If it is negative, then do not be surprised at the behavior of the child. If there is a grandmother in the family, then her attitude towards mom and dad is a powerful influence on the psyche of the child.

In addition, there should not be too many prohibitions in the family, and the rules should be the same for everyone. If the child is too naughty, then try to listen to him, find out what is bothering him. Help him, show an example of a calm resolution of any difficult situation. This will be a great brick in his future adult life. And all fights, of course, need to be stopped. When waving at his mother, the child must, clearly looking into his eyes and holding his hand, firmly say that his mother cannot be beaten! The main thing is to be consistent in everything, act calmly and judiciously.

What not to do

The most common question is “What should I do if I am not a child beloved by my mother?” ask themselves already matured children too late. The thinking of such a person is already formed and is very difficult to correct. But do not despair! Awareness is the beginning of success! The main thing is that such a question does not grow into a statement: “Yes, no one loves me at all!”.

It’s scary to think, but the inner assertion that I am unloved by my mother has a catastrophic effect on relationships with the opposite sex. If it so happened that the son does not love his mother, then he is unlikely to be able to love his wife and children. Such a person is unsure of his abilities, does not trust people, cannot adequately assess the situation at work and outside the home, which affects his career growth and the environment as a whole. This also applies to daughters who do not love mothers.

You can’t lead yourself into a dead end and say to yourself: “Everything is wrong with me, I’m a loser (loser), I’m not good enough (good), I ruined (ruined) my mother’s life”, etc. Such thoughts will lead to even more impasse and dive into the problem. Parents are not chosen, so the situation must be released, and mom must be forgiven!

How to live and what to do if my mother does not love me?

The reasons for such thoughts are described above. “But how to live with it?” - the unloved child will ask in adulthood. First of all, you need to stop taking everything tragically and close to your heart. Life is one, and what quality it will be, for the most part depends on the person himself. Yes, it's bad that this happened to the relationship between mom, but that's not all!

You need to firmly say to yourself: “I will no longer allow negative messages from my mother to influence my inner world! This is my life, I want to have a healthy mind and a positive attitude towards the world around me! I can love and be loved! I know how to give joy and receive it from another person! I love to smile, I will wake up with a smile every morning and fall asleep every day! And I forgive my mother and do not hold a grudge against her! I love her simply because she gave me life! I am grateful to her for this and for the life lesson she gave me! Now I know for sure that a good mood should be appreciated and fought for the feeling of love in my soul! I know the price of love and I will give it to my family!

We change consciousness

It is impossible to love by force! Well, okay ... But you can change your attitude and the picture of the world drawn in our head! You can radically change your attitude to what is happening in the family. It's not easy, but necessary. You may need the help of a professional psychologist. If we are talking about a girl, she must understand that she herself will be a mother, and the most valuable thing she can give her child is care and love!

No need to strive to please mom, and anyone else. Just live and just do good deeds. You need to do it to the best of your ability. If you feel the edge, after which an anguish may occur, stop, take a break, rethink the situation and move on. If you feel that your mother again presses on you with an aggressive attitude and drives you into a corner, say calmly and firmly “No! I'm sorry mom, but don't push me. I am an adult and I am responsible for my life. Thanks for taking care of me! I will love you back. But you don't have to break me. I want to love and give love to my children. They are my best! And I'm the best mom (best dad) in the world!

There is no need to strive to please your mother, especially if in all the years of living with her you have realized that any act, no matter what you do, will be criticized or, at best, indifferent. Live! Just live! Call and help mom! Talk to her about love, but do not tear yourself more! Do everything calmly. And don't make excuses for all her reproaches! Just say: "I'm sorry, mom ... Okay, mom ...", and nothing more, smile and move on. Be wise - this is the key to a calm and joyful life!