Arguments on the topic "Friendship" for the composition of the exam. Friendship and friendly relations: why, how, with whom? What is the difference between friendliness and friendship

06.05.2020 Pregnancy

What is friendship? Everyone understands this word in their own way, but it is easy enough to give it a general definition. Friendship is a special type of relationship based on affection, respect, trust and care. Friends rejoice for the successes of each of them and empathize with the losses. They try to be honest with each other, always ready to help. Most often they are connected by common interests, but sometimes friends can be addicted to completely different things.

At the same time, people should respect each other's hobbies. There is a proverb: “A friend in need is known”.

It seems to me that this wisdom conveys the whole meaning of friendship. What is the difference between friend and buddy? In life, it often happens that friends become friends, move away from each other. Buddies are an environment that does not inspire much trust. Such relationships do not oblige to anything and exist only for a certain period of time. They are quite shaky, easily arise and also evaporate.

Recall the novel by E. M. Remarque “Three Comrades”. The main characters of this work went through the First World War together. It was then, having gone through many difficulties and trials, they became friends. And then, years later, they opened

joint business. Robert Lokamp, Otto Kester and Gottfried Lenz hold on to each other and do not leave in trouble. Need urgent health care Patricia, Robbie's beloved, and Otto, postponing all his affairs and problems, takes off and brings a doctor from another city. Lenz gets to a fascist rally, his friends take him away from there, and when he dies, Kester does everything to find the killers. Thus, Remarque in his work shows an example of true friendship.

Now let's turn to M. Yu. Lermontov's novel “A Hero of Our Time”. The understanding of friendship by the main character - Grigory Pechorin - is somewhat distorted. He believes that one of the friends is always the slave of the other. He does not know the value of true friendship. Maxim Maksimych met Grigory in the Caucasus. Between the two heroes began friendly relations. They lived together, hunted game, they were interested in spending time with each other. The time came and they had to part. And now, a few years later, fate brought these people together again. Maxim Maksimych was very glad that he was about to see his old friend Pechorin. But the meeting turned out to be quite different. Maxim Maksimych, overwhelmed with the joy of meeting him, approached Pechorin with outstretched arms, but he greeted him coldly, only shaking his hand, which greatly upset Maxim Maksimych. Their friendship, although we no longer dare to call it friendship, was defeated in the fight against time. After the departure of Pechorin, Maxim Maksimych wept bitter tears of resentment, in his thoughts they were very good friends, friends for life, but everything turned out differently. With this story, Lermontov showed the difference between the concepts of friendship and friendship for each person.

Thus, I want to conclude. We must be able to distinguish between friendly and friendly relations. After all, only with a true friend you will not be lost.

Difference between friend and buddy

10. Friends often don't know how to keep secrets, best friends can

Often when you ask your buddies not to talk about something, it doesn't happen, but with your best friend you always know that your secret is safe.

11. Friends will rarely tell you about your mistakes, best friends do it much more often.

Each of us makes mistakes in relationships, at work and in family affairs. Buddies will rarely agree to try on your problems, but the best friend will always tell you what went wrong and where, and also help you avoid repeating the mistake.

12. Friends are always ready not to be in debt, the best friend does not think about profit

Whether it be material goods or services, a friend is always ready to pay and expects the same from you. With best friends, this scheme does not work, no one bills anyone.

13. Friends do not understand all the intricacies of your personal life, best friends understand very well

Buddies are not willing to invest time and effort in you, so you often feel not confident enough to dedicate a friend to all the details. The best friend is an excellent listener, he remembers all the details: both bad and good.

14. Buddies are strict with time, best friends are more flexible in this sense.

Of course, punctuality is an important feature, but friends can often react very harshly to your lateness of 20 minutes. The best friend is relaxed and will find something to do while waiting for you.

Friend, comrade or buddy?

15. Friends fear your obsessions, best friends accept

We all have obsessions. You should be more careful with friends, because they may consider you strange, not fitting into some of their ideas of normality. Best friends just laugh it off when they hear about each other's obsessions.

16. Buddies don't really like it when they hear the same thing from you, best friends love repeating stories.

Old stories, anecdotes, some small funny stories ... We think about all this when we communicate with friends, and often carefully think over the conversation, because we are afraid to repeat ourselves.

The degree of frankness and topics for communication between friends can be different. Common to any (close and not so) warm relationship will be the reciprocity of expectations and feelings.

He did not turn out to be there at a difficult moment, did not support when it was necessary, did not justify trust and hopes ... If something like this happened between us, the one whom we considered a friend becomes a traitor. And disappointment can be very painful. But the friend clearly expected a different relationship.

“Friendship is built on the implied agreement that it should be mutually beneficial or enjoyable,” writes philosopher Helge Sware. “When one of the parties feels that this agreement is not being implemented, it becomes frustrated.”

And yet: did we mistreat the other, considered him a friend, “but he suddenly turned out to be ...”, or, perhaps, the other was not going to be what he seemed to us? “The idea that there are real friends who will never let you down, and false ones who skillfully hide their true essence, is based on our fantasies,” the philosopher believes. - And therefore one-sided and infantile. We are all imperfect, which means we can disappoint others.”

Therefore, before judging, it is worth asking yourself a few questions. Has a friend often failed to live up to my expectations? Are there circumstances that can explain his behavior? Am I expecting too much from him? Am I sure that I always behave impeccably towards him? Such a conversation with yourself will allow you to realize your part of the responsibility - after all, relationships are always “built” by two.

It is important to understand how easily we can call an acquaintance a friend. Maybe we're just... in a hurry? In order to get to know each other, to learn to accept the positive and negative in the other, to quarrel with him and put up with disappointments, without ceasing to be friends, it takes time.

“It should not be forgotten that there are several degrees of closeness,” recalls sociologist Jen Yager. A friend can be the one with whom we sometimes meet to drink coffee together, and the one we see every day. With some friends we discuss books, films, performances, and with others we share the most intimate.

Jen Yager has been researching friendships for almost thirty years. She thinks that different types friendships differ in degree of closeness (buddies, close friends or best friends), and offers his analysis of the conscious and unconscious connections that define relationships.

Buddy

"Friendship is a characteristic type of relationship for many busy men and women who prefer to spend their free time with family and not waste energy on friends," explains Jen Yager. A friend is more than just an acquaintance, but less than a close friend: in such a relationship there is less intimacy and trust.

A friend can also be called a “good friend”, with whom it’s good to spend time, relax, play sports, go to the cinema or to exhibitions, discuss work matters ... You can be friends with him alone or join him with other friends. As a rule, friendly relations develop quickly, friends are united by a similarity of views and common interests.

We have a right to expect: goodwill, reciprocal assistance in simple matters, positive attitude (approval of one's decisions and actions).

: over time, interests diverge more and more, moving or switching to another job, gossip, intrigue, withholding information, lack of reciprocity in providing assistance.

Close friend

Caring, sincere, reliable, honest, sincere ... "It is with close friends that special relationships develop that satisfy intellectual and emotional needs and complement family and romantic relationships," says Jen Yager.

At the same time, a close friend does not claim an exclusive place in our lives and does not conflict with other relationships that are important to us. There may be several close friends, and not all of them (another difference) may know about some events from our past. We may not be as open with them as with our best friend. But it is with them that we share both joyful and difficult moments of our lives. Close friends tend to become mutual friends of the couple.

We have a right to expect: tact, sincerity, generosity, benevolence, help and support.

Reasons for separation or breakup: asymmetry of relationships (one begins to give more than the other), a growing difference in views, values and lifestyles over time, the emergence of jealousy or rivalry.

Best friend

This is a friend in every sense of the word. “He embodies the ancient ideas of what a friend should be, and fully corresponds to the dreams of an ideal partner who is always there and for whom we are always in the first place,” says Jan Yager.

Friendship with him has not only stood the test of time, but also withstood all tests, from minor to the most important: change social status, marriage, having children ... It is based on a deep conviction (supported by facts) that we are loved and appreciated for what we are. From this, the key “ingredient” of our relationship is born: exclusivity, uniqueness.

With your best friend you don't have to show yourself off better side. He is to us what a kindred spirit is in love. What are the qualities that make a true friendship? Indifference (loyalty to a friend and friendship), sincerity (willingness to open up and share feelings and experiences with others), trust (confidence that we will not be betrayed), honesty (openness in discussing relationships) and community of interests (we common values, but we easily accept the features of the other).

We have a right to expect: devotion, "exclusivity" of relationships, frankness, dedication.

Reasons for separation or breakup: betrayal (your shared secret became known to outsiders, a friend "took away" a partner), a serious disappointment associated with important point in life (attitude towards marriage, death, birth, illness…) that you cannot forgive.

False friend

He does not poison life, as a manipulator or a selfish friend does, even behaves sincerely and good-naturedly in communication, but violates (rather unconsciously) the golden rule of friendship: reciprocity and reciprocity. In friendship, such a person is changeable and self-centered.

Jen Yager distinguishes among false friends "friends in happiness" and "friends in misfortune." The first ones are friends with you only when everything is fine with you, and as soon as problems begin, they try to disappear. However, they do not hesitate to complain and call for help if they need it. This tactic is especially noticeable in conversations: they spend three times as long talking about their own problems than listening to yours.

Friends in misfortune, on the contrary, are fueled by other people's problems, because the position of the "vest" and the savior is both beneficial and pleasant, and also increases self-esteem. Someone else's suffering for such people is the best antidepressant, a guarantee of good health.

Reasons for separation or breakup: the realization that a "friend" does not sympathize and support us in difficulties or even gloat when we experience problems or suffer.

"We are connected by lived experience"

Irina, 43 years old, artist, restorer

Introduced me to the guys younger brother one of them. They were all three or four years older than me, but then the difference seemed significant. They were the company, and I was the timid, bystander. I admired their ability to speak interestingly, their erudition and gaiety. Communication quickly grew into friendship.

The first close relationship arose with Natasha. We decided to go to her village, jumped without tickets on the train and ended up in a dining car, from which it was already impossible to get out. That trip became a real night of Scheherazade: so that we could safely reach our station, Natasha endlessly told our fellow travelers stories, real and fictional, and I inspired her to do this ... In the morning, getting off the train, we collapsed into a haystack and slept there all day. After that, I realized that we are connected forever by this shared experience.

Probably, our company is like a necklace with large and small beads. We are all different. Someone sets the tone, poetic, intellectual, a little philosophical, someone provokes, sharpens discussions. There are also those who, by their presence, create lightness, goodwill, and warmth. Man is spirit and flesh. When we meet, everything that touches the spirit begins to pulsate and live. And in ordinary life, everyone runs, takes care of children, and works. When we meet, we do not discuss all this, but as if we are floating above.

"Those with whom I breathed the same air, no one will replace"

Ekaterina, 46, Russian language teacher

Irina with her husband Ivan

With Igor and Vanya, we studied at the same school. They knew each other from the age of seven, I joined them at 16, and at 20 Vanya became my husband. Igor is a real poet. At school, we gathered at his house and listened to his poems. Igor is a classical music lover, he had a collection of records, and we listened to the concerts and symphonies of Beethoven, Mahler, Wagner. Sometimes he stopped the music and shared his comments with us, sang, conducted.

With a large group of classmates, we went on bicycle trips, to dachas in early spring, skipped classes. Then Igor entered the Literary Institute, Vanya entered the medical school, and I entered the philological faculty at Moscow State University. At the university, on the very first day, I met Natasha, she joined my company of classmates quite naturally, as if she had studied with us all her life in the same class.

We met and became friends with her friends: Maxim, Anya ... We often gathered together with Vanya and me - in a small but separate apartment. They played charades. Many of them have been staged over the years, the most memorable word was "appeasement": it was divided like this - "died of jam." They sang a lot with the guitar or a cappella.

We also traveled. Together they went to Koziukas to Vilnius, to Georgia, to the homeland of Father Igor, to Western Ukraine - on folklore expeditions. They lived together, a common life, common joys. We went to church. How joyful it was to stand and pray together, to rejoice in God. We fasted together, we broke the fast together.

And in 1994 I entered the graduate school of Yale University in the USA at the Slavic Department. And we went to America. Three of our children were born here. And this is where we stayed. Every summer, except for the last two, we come to Moscow. I try to show children what Moscow is.

We have been in America for 20 years. I have many close friends here. And a lot of friends. But no one will ever replace that closeness in spirit, that friendliness, that depth that is felt in our company. I talk to Natasha every week, and not a single more or less important matter is left without discussion.

In Moscow, we usually live together for several days to enjoy inseparable communication and discuss everything that has accumulated. I really miss all my Moscow friends. And if you ask me if I would like to return to Moscow, I would say yes, tomorrow! To be close to family and friends. With those with whom in my youth I walked along the same streets, with whom I breathed the same air, with whom I spent happy Days youth, with whom he grew up and grew older - no one can replace them.

Now we meet very gray-haired and shabby, aged and tired. But it is amazing that none of us has changed in soul. For some reason, we all remained the same young at heart, laughing, laughing, singing and reading, going to church and traveling.

“Silence for us means no less than words”

Igor, 47 years old, philosopher, writer

Friendship, like any other human relationship, goes through different stages. The beginning of friendship is a hot stage, when friends are in constant mutual exchange and mutual enrichment, they have a great need to communicate, to have a dialogue, which, like two rivers racing side by side, then merge into a single stream ...

But, as a rule, it cannot last all the time. And then the question arises: what is friendship - cooperation, community of spiritual interests, as in the relationship between Freud and Jung? Or mutual acceptance, mutual understanding at the level of simple things, trust and a sense of reliability. That is, in other words, creativity or barbecue and wine?

When Maxim and I were about thirty years old, we were united by important common interests related to psychology, we spent time in philosophical conversations, apparently, we needed to live at the same time important for both.

By the way, it often happens that this is what friendship is due to: at a certain stage in life, people meet with approximately the same life issues. And they try to talk about it and think together. But such intersections cannot last forever. Sometimes this develops into professional interest, cooperation, where sooner or later ideological rivalry arises. Or, after the hot stage of the relationship, there comes a cooling, even disappointment.

But if you treat it without maximalism, do not abandon the relationship, a pleasant maturity will come to replace it - friendship, which, ultimately, is wine and barbecue. When people can just be happy to be around and silence means no less than words. This is just mutual understanding, reliability, trust - something that can remain for a long time, maybe for life.

In youth, people come up with more entertainment, more opportunities, to which they can then return, remember for a long time. Gradually soldered long-term company becomes such a team, where parties are pre-scheduled. Such a distribution can be boring, we already know what to expect from whom, but on the other hand, you can treat this as a tradition and catch a buzz. To enjoy the performance of all the usual roles - and this will be an excellently played game.

Of course, when people have a lively mind and character, then with age such roles are enriched, but they cannot change completely. If this happens, most likely, it will cause surprise and concern of the entire team - something happened to the person, he became different, how can I help him? Although, sadly, perhaps he just finally became himself.

Each of us needs friends, everyone appreciates friendly relations, but in science the phenomenon of "friendship" and "friendly relations" has not yet been studied well. Perhaps it was best analyzed by Igor Semenovich Kon, who even wrote a book called Friendship. She came out in the 70s.

Generally speaking, friendship is a "non-sexual marriage". In the sense that people do not marry each other, but all other relationships, minus sexual ones, remain with them. This is help, support, devotion, interest in each other, spending time together. At the same time, this happens more in marriage, and in friendship it is often more interesting and better. Friendship is the satisfaction of our needs for participation, support, sharing our impressions.

Friendly relations can be between people close and not, friends and buddies. Or maybe between them - and not to be. Different people put different meanings into the word Friends and Friend. Friends should not be confused with only friends. Buddies are people with whom you can have fun, but nothing more. They differ from friends in that you can ask friends for help in difficult times, but not friends. Necessary people useful contacts are useful, but this is not at all the same as friends. A separate conversation about what a true friend is, as opposed to just a friend. One thing is certain: Good friends go to someone who knows how to be a good friend.

Usually we are friends with those who satisfy our needs - and whose needs we satisfy ourselves. Children have their own, children's needs and their own characteristics of children's friendship. Children in friendship are your Property, the Toy is interesting, the Feeding Trough is pleasant, the Faithful Vigilante is needed, someday the Fool-Rug will come in handy ... In children's friendship, everything is usually simple, open and clear. Childhood passes, some of the needs go away, something remains, but the needs of the so-called psychotherapeutic group turn out to be practically universal for a huge part of the people: Heating pad, Heating pad, Toilet bowl, Golden Mirror ...

For most people, their friendship answers the question "Why": they are friends because ..., but more conscious people Be friends "In order", their friendship has meaning and purpose. Looking at friendship from this point of view, we can say that friendships are right, promising and superfluous.

Friends are needed. The absence of a friend or friendship with anyone at all usually speaks of personal and creates the prerequisites for personal trouble. However, the circle of friends is a question of both quantity and quality of friends. The choice of friends is the most important task in life, on which a lot depends on the fate of everyone. "Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are." See →

Friendship between a man and a woman

Friendship between a man and a woman is possible, but very often a man next to a woman only pretends to be her friend, having completely different views on her. If you love each other, then learn to be friends. It is difficult to say that people love each other if the relationship between them cannot be called friendly. good friendship is the foundation of true love.

If you are friends, then think many times before bringing love and love into your relationship. The traditional notion of friendship excludes the expressiveness of sexual attraction, and in our culture, introducing love and sexual relationships into friendships is a dangerous moment. see love and friendship

Women Friendship

It's a myth that there can't be friendship between women. Female friendship is no different from friendship in general, but it has two features. First, it is typical for women to discuss their problems a lot and in detail - much more and in more detail than men do. Men more often live with tasks and deeds, women live more with problems and worries. And the second feature: there is an age when friendship between women is really impossible. Little girls can be friends with each other. Adults can be friends married women when they have a stable situation in their families.

But if the girls do not yet have their permanent partners, if the possibility of competition for the same man remains, in this case there can only be a temporary union between the girls, but not true friendship. If a man stands between women who both like, female friendship usually does not stand up to this.

friends and money

Friendships at work

Friendships at work are wonderful in a good team and very dangerous in a company where people are not in the mood for work. Especially in such companies, the established friendly relations between the manager and key employees are dangerous: this allows employees to ignore the requirements of the manager, treating them not as the requirements of the manager, but as the wishes of a friend, over which they can laugh amicably, arbitrarily comment and, in fact, ignore . Watch a fragment from the film "What Women Want": Nick Marshall is the head of the advertising department, the head of the company promised him the position of creative director, but in a situation where it turned out to be promoting ads for women, he decides to take on the position of creative director, a talented woman, Darcy McGuire. It would seem that it is difficult to tell the employee the decision of the management. But if Nick is a friend, then this

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