Instructions for terminating unnecessary relationships.

Relationships need constant work in order for them to be happy. However, not everything always goes according to our plan, and there are times when relationships bring a lot of pain and frustration. In this article, we'll show you how to break up with unwanted relationships.

Unnecessary relationships with friends and acquaintances: a suitcase without a handle

Unnecessary relationships are built not only within a couple in love. These can be contacts with friends and acquaintances. Almost each of us had cases when for several years we communicate with classmates, classmates with whom we studied at the institute, but at the same time this moment there are no common goals or hobbies with them. Thus, from time to time we are forced to communicate, not wanting to break off this relationship.

Advice:

• However, in fact, if nothing connects with these people, your interests have not been common for a long time, you have a different worldview, outlook on life, then it is better to break off such a relationship. You just need to stop communicating. It is exactly the same with friends whose life suddenly changes. Perhaps someone you know has lost their job, or stepped on a wobbly path, drinking alcohol.
• It often happens for girls that friends almost all the time complain about their relationship. They come and tell how bad things are with them and want to be pitied. There is nothing wrong with comforting your own best friend, but if he comes to you only with the aim of throwing out his negativity, such a relationship needs to be cut off.
• The fact is that normal people pass all this negative through themselves, and absorb some of it. In order to break off such a relationship, it is not necessary to be rude to people and tell that you are not interested in communicating with them.
• There are a few fairly simple steps you can take. When a person starts talking about themselves, try to talk about someone else and translate the topic. You can talk about yourself. After 15 minutes of such a conversation, the person will be discouraged, and will again transfer the communication to a channel that is convenient for him. Repeat this several times. Thus, the person will understand that you are not ready to listen to his complaints, he will simply stop communicating with you.

What is an unnecessary relationship?

First, let's find out what an unnecessary relationship is. Sooner or later, such relationships become toxic. They eat from the inside out, doing more harm than good. Love should bring positive emotions and a desire to be with this person. If, instead of feelings of satisfaction and love, as well as the desire to spend time with your loved one, you experience negativity, and the relationship brings you heartache, they need to be severed.

The fact is that such relationships are often characteristic of women, because by their nature they are driven. They themselves very rarely take the first step in order to start a relationship or to break it off. Quite often, women have a love relationship with a man who is married.

Advice:

• At the same time, initially a woman, when she starts such a relationship, understands that there is very little chance that a man will leave the family and tie the knot. But at the same time, many still hope for a positive resolution of the situation.
• As a result, such relationships lead to frustration and mental pain. The woman continues to date a married man and spend her evenings alone. This is really very stressful, and shakes the nervous system.
• Such a woman has low self-esteem. If you understand that the relationship does not lead to anything, it cannot end in marriage, the birth of children, or some kind of pleasant outcome, you will constantly be in the position in which you are now, the relationship must be severed.

How to get away from unnecessary relationships?

In fact, everything is much more complicated than it seems at first glance. This is not to say that you just need to break them. Because it is quite difficult to do it. Psychoanalysis sessions often help. Place a chair next to you and imagine that your chosen one is sitting on it.

Advice:

• Now tangle the two chairs together using some thread. Imagine that the connection between you is broken, cut the threads with scissors. Thus, it will be easier for you to part with the person. There is no need to scandalize, shout, demand something from a person.
• They usually leave quite quietly, without scandals. Just pack your things if you live in a rented apartment, which is sometimes visited by your lover. If this is your private apartment, ask the person to give you the keys and tell them that you are not dating again.
• There is no need to make scandals and quarrels, to find out and prove something. Say a few simple words that you don't want a relationship anymore. It happens that a man is not ready to part so easily with a woman who gives him what he needs.
• Therefore, it is possible that he will annoy you and spoil your life. In this case, it is best to take a vacation for a while and go somewhere. If necessary, if the man does not want to give the keys, change the locks. Tell them you are leaving. Or lie altogether that you will move and you will no longer live here.
• The fact is that after parting with a person, an emptiness remains in the soul. It needs to be filled with something. Otherwise, you will constantly think about the person with whom you broke up, and you may want to restore the relationship again.
• You don’t need to do this, because the relationship doesn’t lead to anything. It is necessary to fill the void, for this choose a hobby for yourself or set aside one week for charity. Visit orphanages, homes, buy inexpensive things if the salary does not allow you to buy more substantial gifts. Children will be grateful for even a little help.
• You also need to surround yourself with as much communication as possible. Create your profile on a dating site and keep chatting with people who interest you. Ignore all attempts by your ex to contact you. Perhaps block his number in all messengers and make it so that he cannot call you.

Why can't we end a failed relationship: how to break invisible threads?

Immediately after parting, many women suffer from self-esteem, they begin to feel like no one needed, ugly, losers. It's all side effect from parting. It has nothing to do with reality. You need to learn to love yourself and instill that you are the best, beautiful and successful. Repeat these words like a mantra, you can sign up for yoga or a psychoanalysis session. Ask a psychologist to help you break up this unnecessary relationship.

• Now try to remove everything that connects you with this person. This applies to photographs. Throw away all the things that the person gave you, hide the photos. This is necessary in order not to accidentally stumble upon these things from time to time, not to remember the relationship that is unpleasant to you.
• Now you need to try to restrain yourself and not look at the pages in the social networks of your loved one with whom you broke up. You need to let go of the person on your own and remove him from your life, as well as thoughts.
• Naturally, doing this is initially quite difficult for the simple reason that habit drives you. After all, you spent most of your time with this person, talking to him, thinking about him in your free time. Of course, it is simply impossible to erase a person from your head.
• However, step by step you will be able to do it. If a relationship is painful, more harmful than beneficial, it is destructive and does not lead to anything good. Ideally, the relationship should end with friendship, wedding, happy family life, and children.
• In no case should a relationship devastate and destroy a person, gradually poisoning his life.

Ending unnecessary relationships: psychology

How to get rid of unnecessary relationships? Very often, girls start a relationship, but for some reason the person does not live nearby, or has moved. If you perfectly understand that the person will never come to you, and you will not be able to live a happy life, it is better to break off such a relationship. The fact is that a lot of virtual relationships take up time and hinder the construction of full-fledged relationships in the real world. Therefore, it is necessary to break them.

Initially, in order to break up with such a person, just come up with a letter. You need to indicate in it that you value attention, care, it is pleasant for you to communicate with a person, but at the same time you want a real relationship, a family. Therefore, ask the person not to write anymore, and thank for the time spent together, as well as for the presented emotions.

The tips for gaining peace of mind are the same as for breaking up in the real world. That is, you need to distract yourself as much as possible, and fill the time that you spent on this person with something else. Ideal option will become a hobby, sport, charity.

If you wish, you can get a second job or a part-time job. This will also be useful, because you will not have any free time at all, but at the same time your financial situation will improve. Perhaps you can get yourself the long-awaited furniture, or even a vehicle.

In no case should you feel sorry for people, reassure yourself and persuade. There is no need to say that you feel sorry for the person, except for you, no one needs him. Pity is not the best emotion. You can't build a relationship on it. Relationships should be pleasant and bring only joy and positive emotions. Of course, in good couples who live in perfect harmony, quarrels and disagreements occur. However, if your relationship consists of constant skirmishes, showdowns, conflicts, they must be broken.

Do not under any circumstances become a victim, remember, you are a beautiful young woman, with good self-esteem, good external data. You are able to build normal, fulfilling relationships and start a family.

VIDEO: Unnecessary relationship

Counterdependence is as traumatized as codependency. V Lately, I even think that the problem is more serious. Because no one is going to fix it. They are all so socially sociable and with a bunch of friends. Loneliness in the world of people is called.

You know, I don’t understand. There are so many books about codependency and addiction everywhere. About how people depend on each other and an urgent need to stop. And become independent. And now it's just a fashion: to be independent, successful, cool and so without attachments and infinitely free.

I don't need a relationship

And everyone suddenly forgot that without attachments and infinitely free are the same addicts, only in reverse side... Counterdependence is called. And so everyone is quietly silent about her.

Because in society, counterdependents are all so fashionable. They are super-successful, for the most part, at work. Everyone is so talented. With money. They travel. They can even have children. And they tell everyone that they don't need a relationship. Or for 5-10 years they have been telling that they are needed, but at the same time they do not change anything in themselves. And their whole relationship ends in quick disappointments. And they are supposedly on the lookout all the time. Something that they invented for themselves.

Counterdependents are those who:

1. They are looking for the perfect and they will not find everything.

2. As soon as a hint of closeness begins in their life, they already know in advance how it will all end. And soon. And clearly not good. Therefore, it is better to stop right away right now.

3. As soon as they feel that they are getting closer to a person, they begin to come up with "why not", look for a bunch of shortcomings in a person. And, believe me, they find it.

4. God forbid it comes to marriage, they can run away right before registration.

5. They tell everyone that they are happy with their work. And 80% of their time is spent on work. At the same time, they can even tell that they really want a relationship, but they never leave a place for them. And do not take any deliberate action. And if they do, they are clearly not the ones that lead to relationships.

6. They can allegedly remain in a relationship for a long time. Specific. Most often, at a distance or in a relationship, "stay there, come here" all the time, where suitcases are often collected and they either converge or diverge. Living together and solving problems is scary. Relationships are when together after all. Wake up. Rub. Agree.

7. They learned the legend very well that they are happy in this life and so. They have a different mission. I remind you politely that intimacy is one of our basic needs.

8. They have a running line on their foreheads: "I am all so independent. I do not need anything. I do not need anyone. I am on my own. And I enjoy life." Well, no one with a proposal about the relationship is not suitable for them. Well, if you don’t need it, you don’t need it.

9. They decided that the search for enlightenment, the truth, something else there is their way. Meditate to yourself. Sometimes computer toys are played. In general, it is normal to cover up fears with a seemingly useful deed.

10. For some reason, they fall in love all the time, either with the employed, or at the other end of the continent, or for 10 years already, hopelessly in love with someone inaccessible.

11. And sometimes they have a relationship. Not very long lasting. They end the same way. But they still do not catch up, that the point is in them and they are selling history, that these partners are not yet the same.

12. They always have a story about why not now.

And usually it lasts a long time in their life. Years 5. Not less. Well, the classics have their whole life.

And the most important thing. It's a sin not to believe them. Very convincing and charismatic comrades.

Dear ones! Let's face it, these are just fears. And counterdependence is the same trauma as codependency. Recently, I even think that the problem is more serious. Because no one is going to fix it. They are all so socially sociable and with a bunch of friends. Loneliness in the world of people is called.

If you start working with this, then you can learn other interesting things about yourself. And about people. And life can be completely different. And hurt yourself. And everything will happen the way you did not even plan.

So leave your "why not" stories.

I sincerely wish to tackle this issue and feel the happiness of being close. Published.

Agniya Serzhantova

P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness - together we are changing the world! © econet

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This applies to both the inner state and your plans for a career and professional activity... The person next to you not only does not give you the opportunity to self-actualize and do what you love, but also constantly undermines your faith in yourself, your mental balance and the ability to enjoy life. You constantly feel a sense of depression, hate yourself, when once again it was not possible to remain calm, listening to another complaint. It seems to you that life is passing you by, because it is already the 10th month that you are planning to take piano courses or programming courses in order to connect your life with this, and your loved one not only does not inspire, but and tries to find all sorts of arguments why this is a bad idea. In a happy and harmonious couple, people should grow and develop together, guide and help each other in every possible way. If in your relationship there is one or both of you pulling each other to the bottom, then this is no longer an alarm bell, but a real howl of sirens, which notifies that it is time to start decisive action.

2. You are no longer proud of your partner.

Think: when someone asks you about your significant other, how is she doing, and how is she doing, how do you feel at that moment? Do you want to talk with joy and pride about love, about the happiness of being together, about how glad you are to have such a kind, purposeful and wonderful person next to you? At the beginning of a relationship, we always want to show off our beloved in some way, even though happiness loves silence. And all because we feel that we are very lucky, because we have met the love of our life, and at the same time we see almost no flaws. A little later, when the wave of blind love subsides, we all, of course, begin to understand that there are no ideal people, and our chosen one is no exception. But the difference between a happy relationship and one that is doomed to failure is that in the first case, lovers are less fixated on the bad and continue to be proud of their choice, and in the second, pride is quickly replaced by disappointment and even disgust.

3. Between you special and significant moments no longer happen.

You suddenly realize that there is not much difference between when you were free and what is happening now in this relationship. Perhaps a little more worries than it could be if you were alone, but in general nothing good life in a pair it certainly does not bring you. It is wrong when in a relationship “well, everything is fine, nothing special,” because love is initially a magical feeling that changes our consciousness. And it's not even about some big holidays, surprises and super important events. But when a couple has a sincere reciprocity and people enjoy each other's company, then they themselves have some special jokes that only two of them understand, cute and funny nicknames, etc. Even the simplest walk around the house takes on a special atmosphere and meaning and becomes filled with just those very "moments" that lovers then fondly remember for many years to come. If you live like neighbors who are almost not connected by anything, or, worse, a lot of things are annoying, then it's time to honestly put up a white flag and admit that this is the end.

4. Your partner begins to annoy you during difficult times.

If in hard times(not concerning your relationship) you experience more stress from your partner than from the circumstances themselves, this suggests that you have ceased to be allies, on the contrary, you consider each other an even greater burden at this difficult time. When one of the members of the couple has trouble - they were fired from work, made an unpleasant diagnosis, or simply uninvited depression rolled over, people try to support each other with all their might, look for ways to solve the problem and, of course, try to encourage and assure that that everything will work out. If in your relationship in a similar situation you would prefer to be alone, and you have to literally endure the person next to him or take out your anger on him, then this is also a direct sign that something is going wrong.

5. The future doesn't matter to you anymore

You are tired of quarrels and clashes, and even more tired of thinking about whether you made the right decision when you contacted this person at all. Moving away from the situation and relationships becomes the most simple solution, and you are repeating to yourself more and more often: "Whatever happens", adding responsibility for your life and future to higher forces and fate. But it is important to understand in time that time flies without stopping, and while you turn a blind eye to your dissatisfaction with your partner and existence with him, invaluable weeks, months and even years will pass, which you cannot return back.

6. You often start to fantasize and take an interest in other people

It's okay to be attracted to someone or celebrate how beautiful and talented someone is, even if you're a couple. But to imagine how good it is to be free or what your relationship with this “someone else” could be, and even more so shamelessly catching glances and looking for meetings with third parties is already a clear sign that a love union is bursting at the seams. ... To be more precise, it means that in your mind you have already parted with your partner many times and are ready for drastic changes... If you remember those happy times when peace and harmony reigned in a couple, you will understand that in a strong relationship there is no place for such reflections, because the heart is 100% occupied by a loved one. But since such doubts have already crept into your head, then you no longer expect anything good from your current relationship and are trying to find peace and joy elsewhere, even if you do not yet fully realize it.

7. There was "emotional silence" in the relationship

Another type of indifference, which no longer concerns the future life and plans, but the partner directly. We often hear statements that love cannot be filled with emotion throughout life. When the stage of falling in love and passion passes, there comes a period of affection, respect, warmth, calm harmony. This is really so, it's hard to argue. But in a full-fledged relationship, this period is still filled with emotions, just of a different plan. Perhaps they are less bright, enchanting and crazy, as at the very beginning, when it seems that you can move mountains for each other, but they still support the light, allow people not to lose interest in each other, empathize and care. When there is no longer a trace of emotion, it is easy to determine: you are not interested in each other's life, do not seek to communicate, and you think twice before saying something kind and sweet, because you are not sure either of what you really feel it is either that your confession will not be ignored.

8. The couple has uncontrolled and groundless jealousy.

This is the exact opposite of the previous point, which, however, also does not lead to good. Perhaps, few people will be unpleasant with jealousy within reasonable limits. After all, this, of course, flatters pride: if you are jealous, it means that they are considered a really beautiful, interesting and attractive person. You find it wonderful if your boyfriend thinks you can seduce anyone even in a stretched T-shirt, or if your girlfriend thinks you will get crowds of girls if you go out for lemonade in frayed jeans. It means that you are appreciated and sincerely valued. However, as already mentioned, everything is good in moderation. If jealousy goes beyond all boundaries

When we value a relationship, even the thought of a possible separation makes us flinch with fear and try to brush it off as soon as possible. This normal reaction a person who is so in love that he simply does not represent and does not want to imagine what life could be without the object of his love. But when everything does not go well in a relationship, there is less and less strength to fix everything, and hopes for saving the sinking ship have almost dried up, then such thoughts become something taken for granted. They no longer scare, they do not make the heart beat faster, and even more, they bring some strange feeling of relief that all this will finally end and there will be an opportunity to start life anew.

Already very for a long time I catch myself thinking that I don't need a relationship. If I liked a person, I could more accurately imagine myself with him in bed than in a relationship. I start to think that I don’t really need a relationship, and if they do, then they only need sex. And it worries me. Is it okay?

Answer: Hey! Your alertness is understandable, but its reason is not that something is really wrong with you, but that we are all social animals. The feeling that you are not falling into the conventional norm (which in different societies and in different times his own), gives discomfort, no matter how individualist and independent person a person considers himself to be.

The reality in which you, me and millions of other women and men in our country, and not only in it, are, is such that people feel the need to get lost in pairs. This is, first of all, economically beneficial - if we are talking about a family, and not just a romantic relationship. One long-term partner takes up fewer emotional, physical and financial resources than many different ones, although this is not always the case, especially for women, who bear most of the family responsibilities.

Since in modern world the argument with material gain does not always work, because many women are now able to provide for themselves, traditional social stereotypes come into play: a girl should be with her husband, everyone in this world has their own soul mate, lonely people are unhappy. Why is it so difficult for people to believe that a person without a couple can also be happy with life, we.
Marriage and traditional pairing relationships are actively promoted at the state level (again, for reasons of benefit): through media culture and various preferences in the form of preferential mortgages and other bonuses.

It is extremely difficult to feel comfortable without a partner in such conditions: no matter what kind of movie you turn on, everywhere people are looking for love, found or just lost; acquaintances and strangers climb with, comments and regrets about your love life.

Often it is this total pressure that makes us want a relationship, not a real need for one. If you find the strength to admit that this pressure did not work and you are not interested in a regular partner, this is great, and there is nothing to be ashamed of. If with time is yours the opinion will change and you want a stable relationship - that's fine too.

Many women consciously choose loneliness, we talked about them.

The reasons can be different: disappointment in past relationships and the family in general; unwillingness to trade and meet with someone just so as not to be alone; love and habit of independence and unwillingness to commit themselves. Any of these arguments are normal and worthy of respect, even if others do not think so.

What cannot be called healthy for sure is the desire for relationships in general, as for an abstract value, and not for relationships with a specific person... Obsession with finding a half, the desire to find a couple as soon as possible and become like everyone else pushes people to toxic relationships and hasty marriages. Time spent alone is considered inferior, everyone automatically perceives a free person as someone who is looking for a relationship and is ready for it, but, of course, this is not the case. Your life without a permanent partner is as full and real as with him.

Feeling sexually attracted to guys without wanting to start a relationship is also normal, it is really easier to imagine having sex with a specific man than your whole future life. But with the thought of starting a relationship just for the sake of sex, you should be careful. Intimate has a right to exist - after all, you are adults and you can dispose of your body as you please. However, it is important to honestly tell a man about your intentions so that he correctly understands the format of your relationship and is consciously agree to it. Manipulating other people's feelings in order to get sexual pleasure is no longer healthy.