Toddlers spend most of their active childhood in school. And if for some only “homework” in mathematics causes difficulties, then for others the school becomes synonymous with problems, bad mood and all kinds of suffering. A lot can be the reason for a spoiled impression of the first education: undeveloped relationships with classmates or teachers, poor academic performance ... What should you do if you understand that your child has encountered problems that have turned school attendance into torture?

Problem: The child is too worried about bad grades.

Your son or daughter comes home from school in tears, to the question “what happened?” does not answer, hides his eyes, refuses to show the diary... As a result, it turns out that this behavior is due to the fact that he got a two (or three) at school. And this happens every time the teacher puts a mark below the "five".

What to do:
Almost certainly, such a deep upset of a child with a bad assessment is closely related to the expectations that you yourself verbally or non-verbally broadcast. Some parents directly say “you should study for one five”, others hint - “if only your diary was as beautiful as that of your friend Petya”. In both cases, the child feels obliged to study "excellently", especially if such veiled or not very phrases slip through your speech often. And being an excellent student is not possible for everyone and not always.

So the first thing you need to do to help your child worry less about bad grades is to stop focusing on them. Praise your child for his achievements - for example, for how beautiful his handwriting has become, how quickly he solved a math problem, with what expression he read a poem, and not for fives. You must broadcast that good grades are great, but the main thing is real knowledge, and even more importantly, interest in learning and the efforts made. Only for this you need to believe in it yourself.

Problem: the child is offended by classmates

The sad reality is that in almost every modern classroom there is his "outcast". He is offended, laughed at, he is not allowed to pass, both literally and figuratively. Often the reason for ridicule and mockery of classmates is some kind of "feature" of the child, which distinguishes him from the rest. Too tall, overweight, dresses differently, has a different eye shape or skin color, studies too well or too poorly, doesn't eat meat - anything can be the cause of bullying.

What to do:
Don't interfere "directly". If you decide to "have a conversation" with children who are abusing your son or daughter, you will only make the situation worse. Because you can’t physically be around all the time while your child is at school, and as soon as you leave, they will tease him also because “mommy stands up for him.”

Giving advice and lecturing a child on what to do in such a situation is also not effective. Because we give advice from an “adult” position - if a child had our confidence, knowledge and strength, perhaps he would not have any problems.

In this situation, you can only do one thing - to provide maximum support to the child. Listen to him when he wants to complain, tell him how much you love him. And try to find for him a society like him, where his peculiarity will be appreciated, and not rejected. If the child talks too much and grimaces - give him to the theater, if he is too tall for his age - to the basketball section. Seeing that he is not the only one, the child will become less ashamed of his “feature”, and quite likely he will begin to be proud of her, and other people's ridicule will no longer offend him. And as soon as the gun does not reach the target, it stops firing.

If the situation only worsens over time and comes to physical assault, you may need to consider transferring your child to another school. An extra half hour of the road or a not so high rating in individual subjects is not as scary as the destroyed psyche of a child.

Problem: Child has no friends at school

Relationship problems at school are not always related to the fact that someone offends the child - sometimes they simply ignore him. If classmates do this on purpose, it is worth “fighting” in the same ways as with active “arrivals”, but most often the lack of friends in a child at school is still associated with his natural modesty. Often this problem is faced by children who have moved to a new school, where their own groups and circles of interest have already formed. And, if for an active and lively child to join a new environment is not a problem, then a shy child will stand on the sidelines, not daring to approach and talk to a new company.

What to do:
First, make sure that the desire to have friends belongs to your child, not to you. Most children feel the need to belong to a group, but there are exceptions to any rule - your child may be just one of them. If your little schoolboy really wants to make friends with someone, but cannot, help him - arrange some kind of fun event to which you invite other children.
Outside of school, in situations where they find it interesting and enjoyable, children are usually more approachable - and will not mind playing with your son or daughter.

If you have no time to organize picnics and hikes, try to invite the parents of one of your classmates to visit. After all, it doesn't hurt to make friends in the school environment too. Ask your new acquaintances to take their child to visit so that yours is not bored. And be sure to come up with some kind of bonding fun activity that the kids can do together - building a new construction set, building a pillow fort, combing a dog, anything they can do together.

Problem: overloaded schedule, the child gets tired and cannot cope with the load

Teachers complain that your child sleeps in class. At home, he refuses not only to help around the house - but also to play, because he is too tired and wants to rest. Or maybe he doesn’t have time for games at all, because after school he needs to not only do his homework, but also go to a riding lesson, and then work out with a Spanish teacher ...

What to do:
Moderate your parental ambitions - almost always, when a child is on the verge of a nervous breakdown due to overwork, it turns out that, in addition to school, he attends several other different circles and sports sections. Take care of comprehensive development a child is good and right, but exactly as long as his physical and psychological health does not suffer.

Try giving up, at least temporarily, piano lessons and not taking your son or daughter to a private chess teacher three times a week. Observe the child: has he become more cheerful, cheerful, active? If not, he may need more time to recover. Also, it will not be superfluous to check whether overwork and nervous exhaustion are caused by a lack of vitamins in the body.

If, in addition to school, the child does not have additional loads, while teachers still complain about his inattention, perhaps you should check the child for attention deficit disorder. With ADHD (as the syndrome is abbreviated), due to neurological characteristics, the child has difficulty concentrating on something, cannot hold attention for a long time, which affects school performance. Children with this syndrome need special help in assimilation of information.

Problem: the teacher dislikes the child for some reason and unreasonably lowers the grades

In an ideal world, teachers should be impartial, assessing the true level of knowledge of the child, not paying attention to their personal likes and dislikes. But in reality, alas, quite the opposite often happens. And the teacher chooses his "favorites" and "boys (girls) to beat." Moreover, it is far from always that children who are famous for bad behavior or do not know the subject fall into the “unloved ones”. It’s just that, for example, a teacher loves active guys who always stretch out their hand and strive to answer any of her questions, and those who sit quietly (perhaps because, due to their temperament, do not seek to “climb forward”) by default put “one step lower ".

What to do:
First, try to "scout the situation." Talk to the parents of other children - how does this teacher feel about them? Are they complaining about her? Perhaps, for a particular teacher, something globally goes wrong in life, and he “breaks down” on the children. In this case, you should contact the director and solve the problem administratively - change the teacher for the whole class.

If your guess that the teacher does not like your child specifically is confirmed, try talking openly with her. The main thing is not to start with threats or negativity. It will be much better for you and your child if you manage to resolve the conflict peacefully. Ask what Vasya needs to do to improve his grades? Say that you feel that your son "does not pull" her subject - what could she advise to improve the situation? Tell us about the features of your child - maybe, realizing that he does not pull his hand, not because he does not know anything, but because he is phlegmatic by temperament, she will begin to ask him more often - and make sure that he knows everything better than many.

If, despite all your conversations, the teacher will not leave your child alone, use this case as an example, telling the child that this happens in life - even if we try very hard and do everything well, others do not always adequately evaluate it . Praise the child and say that you are sure that he knows mathematics (literature, English) better than many, and if the grades do not reflect this knowledge, it is not his fault.

In general, when a child complains to you about something that happens at school (and not only there), try to hear not only words, but also emotions. Listen to everything your baby has to say to you, and voice the feelings you think he is experiencing. “I think you are very upset” - and shut up. The child himself will let you know whether you “guessed” correctly or not, and most importantly, he will receive “permission” to express everything that has accumulated in his soul. Such deep emotional contact is the best thing you can give your child in the presence of a problem of any nature.

And you can often remind him that he is wonderful and you love him, and school is just one of the stages of a long, long life. Former offenders and harmful teachers will remain in the past, and he will definitely meet those who will appreciate all his wonderful qualities.

Photo - photobank Lori

We tend to take bad grades or unexpected troubles fairly lightly in school, but bad grades in college or university can affect our professional activity in future. Perhaps you did not get the highest mark or completely flunked the last test or test - do not worry. Better pay attention to your spiritual state, put up with this case, find harmony and get ready to move on. Zen is not only about calmness. This teaching is more about gaining the kind of purpose and determination that will help improve your future. You need to understand why you are getting bad grades, what you can do to fix it, and how to behave in order to get good grades in the future.

Steps

Come to terms with your grades

Take responsibility for your grades. Even if this is a blow to your ego, you need to understand that only you are responsible for the grades you get. Of course, you may have conflicts with teachers, other extraneous factors can also affect grades, but in most cases you need to understand that if you want to improve something, you need to act.

Put this situation in perspective. Understand, unfortunately, troubles happen in life. Bad grades can make you panic, but you need to take a good look at the situation in order to come to terms with it. You are healthy? Do you have close people who love you, friends who are always there? Think about how lucky you are. Remember that grades are important, but they are not the only important thing in your life.

Talk to a person you trust. When you're upset, it's okay to discuss the situation with a friend or loved one. Don't feel like you have to deal with this situation on your own. It is understandable that you are worried that you are upsetting your parents, spoiling your academic performance and the impression of teachers about yourself. Remember that you can handle it and find the support you need.

• You can even try to see a psychologist (schools, colleges and universities usually have full-time psychologists). They are good professionals who are trained to help frustrated and distressed students.
• You should not visit forums and social networks to complain about your "troubles" there. After all, other students, employees of the institute and teachers can see your comments. This could have consequences. Therefore, it is better to talk with a friend or a psychologist face to face.

1. Take a break. Perhaps you are terribly tired, so now is not the time to forget about your well-being. Eat ice cream with a friend, watch a movie, or take a bubble bath. Do something that helps you relax. The point is not to "run away" from bad grades, but to find the harmony and calmness that is necessary in order to correct this situation. Once you're rested and relaxed, go back to your grades.

   Remind yourself that grades do not determine your self-worth or worth. You are much more than your grades. Good grades can help you assert yourself, but don't let bad grades diminish your worth. Also, bad grades don't mean you're stupid or incapable of graduating from college. Everyone has their own talents, their own strengths and good qualities that cannot be measured by the curriculum alone.

   Meditate. When you can retire to your room, try closing your eyes for a few minutes. Take a few deep breaths in and out, focus on your breath. Quiet your thoughts and allow yourself to move away from them. Try not to think about anything, and if you start to have restless thoughts about your grades, try to drop them. You can turn on pleasant calm music - it will help you relax. Try to spend 15-30 minutes meditating.

   • If you find it difficult to devote a lot of time to meditation, try downloading a special application for meditation (for example, "PureMind: Meditation and Sounds" or "Headspace" (the application is in English, but 95% of the words are repeated from exercise to exercise, so even with poor knowledge of the language it is worth try to use it. These apps offer specific tips and guides to help you stay focused.
   • Yoga is another way to relax and achieve harmony. Some educational institutions (colleges and universities) have sports clubs, including a yoga club. Find out if there is such a circle in your educational institution, whether it is possible to enroll there.

2. If you have panic attacks, try one of the relaxation techniques. Sometimes we feel anxious or panicked, but we don't have enough time to meditate. In this case, you can try using a quick relaxation technique that will help you recover a little. So, leave all your affairs. Close your eyes and count to 10. Imagine a peaceful place where you are happy, such as near the ocean or a babbling stream. These techniques will help you relax and get rid of the experiences that overcome you.

   Give up drugs and alcohol. Some people worry so much about their grades that they indulge in more fun and parties to forget about this problem - and so a vicious circle begins. If you are very worried about bad grades, try not to drink alcohol until you relax and feel calm.

Think what went wrong

Calculate how much time you spend studying. Before you panic, try to guess why you started getting bad grades. Are you learning at full strength? Are you truant and skip tests? Think about your habits regarding the learning process - this will help you understand what you need to work on.

• Perhaps you are completely devoted to your studies. Studying as hard as you can while getting bad grades is really frustrating. But you must remember that you did your best to succeed. Perhaps next time you should change your learning habits or ask a teacher for help.
• Perhaps you just gave up right away and didn’t try everything. What you need to understand is that the days of relying on your talent and luck are over. Learn from this lesson and next time try to prepare better.

1. Think about what materials you are preparing. Take another look at your notes, notes, and exercises. What part (or tasks) did you not understand? What does the curriculum say about these tests? Think you may not have understood something that you should have learned (or learned to do).

   • You may have learned only what you are interested in. If some points seemed too difficult or uninteresting to you, most likely you returned to the more interesting parts of the material or task, and simply ignored the difficult or boring parts of the task. Next time, try to fight that desire.
   • You may have read only the bare minimum for class. In this case, in addition to the main homework, try to read additional material. If you don't understand the material, go to the library, ask a teacher for help, or search the internet for an explanation.

2. Pay attention to your attendance. Some teachers deduct points for a student missing too many classes. Sometimes when you skip classes, you miss out on key information. Think about the degree of attendance. Add to that the number of missed classes.

   • Do you have a good reason for being absent from class? Do you have a medical certificate confirming that you were ill? If you have someone died, do you have a copy of the death certificate? If the answer to these questions is no, chances are your absences were not treated as an absence for a good reason.

3. Take into account other factors that may have influenced this. If you don't feel well and can't afford even some basic things, you will most likely have a hard time studying. If this is the case, talk to your doctor or psychologist to see what you can do to resolve the situation (you may need to take a break to sort out your condition). If it's not the end of the semester, it might be a good idea to skip a couple of classes to sort this out. So, below are the main external factors:

   • death of a loved one;
   • work (full or part-time);
   • raising young children;
   • problems with mental health.
   • Please note that you are unlikely to be able to re-take a course in a particular subject. This is only possible if you re-reinstate for the same course (that is, you have to study again for a whole year what you have already studied). However, you can talk to the teacher. Surely he teaches students of other specialties in the same program (especially if it is a general discipline). If you manage to make time for classes in the subject you are behind, and the teacher agrees to this, then you have a chance to improve your grades.

4. Think about how much you communicate. When you are completely absorbed by some life events, you do not have time to cope with the rest of your affairs. Perhaps you have got new friend or new girl that takes up all your time. Maybe you have joined some kind of community or interest club that often throws parties. Social life is very important, but if you spend too much time on parties and you don't have enough time for textbooks, you can ruin your grades.

   Meet your teachers. Showing attention and responsibility can help you even when studying at a college or university. Teachers will understand that you are currently having some difficulties, and they will appreciate your desire to learn. Talking to teachers will help you learn the lesson better, understand the material and improve your work in the future.

   • Talk to teachers in their work time or write an email to arrange a personal meeting. It is always better to discuss such matters in person.
   • Although it may be difficult, you can approach this topic calmly and sincerely. Just say, "I'm very disappointed in my knowledge of the last assignments. I'm wondering how I could improve my scores. Can you give me some advice on how I can best approach this assignment?"
   • If you drag this conversation out until the end of the semester, it might be too late to change anything.

Consider a new approach to learning

1. Assess the overall impact of bad grades on your future. In order not to worry about your grades, think about how much they will affect your future studies and career. More often than not, bad grades do not greatly affect our general education. If you get failing grades in one or more of your lessons, you may be underperforming. But don't get discouraged - take a few deep breaths and look at the big picture. Make a specific plan to get better.

   Decide in which areas you want to develop. You may have realized that the problem is in the approach to learning. Maybe you realized that you do not know how to organize the material, that you forget about deadlines. Once you have determined what the main problem is, you need to take steps to fix it. Make a decision to change something.

   • If you are very forgetful, you can buy a calendar or organizer, mark important dates and set reminders on your phone.
   • If you have problems with the distribution and organization of your time, you can make a schedule in advance and, after completing the planned tasks, reward yourself with something pleasant.

2. Set yourself new goals. Think about what you want to achieve in the end? What kind of career do you want to build? Do you want to earn a certain amount? Want to get into graduate school? Make a list of goals. Once you have set your goals, list the steps you need to take to achieve those goals.

   • For example, if you want to further study medicine, review the list of subjects that you will study, determine what your academic performance should be at the time of graduation, as well as how various extracurricular activities can help achieve your goal. So, your list of practical steps might be: "Find admission information" or "Find good medical universities."

3. Think about what you could improve. It is very important to understand that you cannot change the past, but you can change the future. Convince yourself that you can solve your problems. When you realize what you did wrong, you can take steps to improve your situation.

Move on

Sign up for a consultation with a teacher. If you're concerned about how your grades will affect your future studies, talk to your supervisor and come up with a plan of action. Perhaps the subject is difficult for you, and you should contact a tutor or ask the teacher to work with you additionally. Unfortunately, in Russia and other CIS countries there is no opportunity to freely choose subjects. Work with your teacher (and maybe your parents or guardians) to create an action plan to help you get back on track.

Make a plan for how you can improve your results. This plan should be formulated as specifically and step by step as possible, it should help you succeed next time. Feeling that you are in control will help you relax and set yourself goals to focus on next time.

• In this plan, you need to include the number of hours per week that you will spend on your studies, the grades that you want to receive in each of the subjects. Describe how you are going to cope with various medical problems, how many hours a week you will spend working, socializing, and so on.

1. Study your schedule. If you had very difficult subjects last semester, you may already have an answer to the question of why your grades have deteriorated so much. Even the most intelligent and capable people need to take breaks for themselves from time to time. It is possible that the schedule is not balanced in the current semester, in which case you as a group need to contact the dean's office with a request to distribute subjects differently. But, most likely, a visit to the dean will be successful only if the semester has just begun.

• If possible, politely ask your teacher if you can look at your test (to make sure you got the right grade). In some cases (but quite rarely), teachers make mistakes when checking work.
• If things aren't going well right from the start of the semester, consider skipping one or more classes to ease your workload and get things under control.
• Realize that dropping out is the last option and has many consequences. The best way- try to put in more effort and perseverance to succeed. By skipping classes and dropping out, you develop escapism (the desire to escape from difficult situations), rather than firmness of character and perseverance.

Warnings

• Never harm yourself or anyone else in response to bad grades. Remember, this too shall pass.
• If you don't get enough sleep or don't eat well (or both), remember that it will take a toll on you. But with time. Ask for help social worker if it's a financial situation.
• If you are suffering from mental health issues or some kind of physical limitation that is affecting your learning process, don't hide in a corner and suffer in silence. Many colleges and universities are modernizing curricula and creating special conditions for people with disabilities. Certain adjustments are made to the course structure and schedule to help the student complete the course successfully. Trying to succeed against the odds is admirable, but it can lead to you failing in the long run, so try to figure out what training conditions will help you deal with the situation.
• Get rid of bad habits (for example, excessive communication and the habit of underlearning the material), because these habits cause you to make mistakes and failures. Instead of following the all-or-nothing principle and dropping everything when things aren't going well, try reaching your goal gradually.

What will you need

• Planner or organizer
• Meetings with teachers, psychologist (to assess progress)
• Open access to notebooks, textbooks, online materials and so on (if you do not have access to educational materials, ask the teacher to provide you with everything you need)
• Find a regular notebook or ring pad in which to take notes. Find a small notepad if you can write down material using abbreviations and abbreviations.

Do you know why assessments should exist? They should, should (2x) show the result of your work for a certain period of time. Semester cr - the result of work for the semester. Wed per topic - per month, etc.

But the assessments are not always fair. If you know 90% of all the material that goes according to the plan of the school curriculum, then you have nothing to worry about. If not, and the assessment is fair (albeit "bad" for you), then pull it up, life teaches this: learn from mistakes, your own and others.

If you ask "adult uncles" who really think in an adult way, they will say that from school you will need a maximum of 20% of the material, but the school teaches not only knowledge (Pythagorean theorems, Mendeleev's chemical elements), it also teaches life.

One day, mathematics teacher Jeremmy Kuhn was asked a question that each of us puzzled over: "and where do I need all these sines, cosines, integrals, and all other algebra with geometry"? Unlike most of his colleagues, Jeremmy was not at a loss, and named 5 reasons why mathematics is important.

1. Mathematics teaches you to admit your mistakes. And not just to recognize them, but also to move forward in order to still win the long-awaited victory over an unsolvable task. Let's say Carl and Clara are standing over an equation written on the blackboard. Clara is sure that the equation is solved correctly, but Carl knows for sure that it is not. An hour passes, during which the two switch roles: Clara believes the equation is wrong, and Carl stomps his feet and calls Clara an incredible dumbass. Fantastic situation? But mathematicians encounter this almost every day. Ask any teacher what to do if the problem is not solved in any way. The answer will be very simple: "Start over and try to go the other way. And most importantly, do not worry about the mistake you made, because it was she who ultimately sent you on the right track."

2. Mathematics helps to select exact and correct words. Precision is the courtesy of all mathematicians. It is rather difficult to argue with this, because each term and each phenomenon has its own very clear definition. Remember how teachers made us memorize the definitions of geometric shapes or, for example, the conditions of the Pythagorean theorem? At school, we had no idea where this knowledge could be useful to us, but let's think: do we always pronounce words without doubting their meaning for a second? Can you, without hesitation, answer what is the world, what is happiness or what is love? Will your answers to these questions match those of your family and friends? And most importantly, can you name something that does not have an exact definition?

3. Mathematics teaches you to think a few steps ahead. Solving a math problem is like playing chess. Any wrong, careless step can lead to catastrophic consequences. How often do homework in algebra, did you get stuck just because you put a minus instead of a plus? Even the smallest mistake can disrupt all plans and become a huge obstacle on the way to your cherished dream. And mathematics teaches us to be attentive and responsible for our own actions. Not a lot, right?

4. Math teaches you to never give up. After all, if you do not solve the problem, someone else will surely solve it. So why not be the first?

5. "What I'm saying now is false" - This is exactly what the famous "liar's paradox" sounds like, which describes what is happening in modern science as accurately as possible. A lot of theorems, rules and axioms that were previously considered true, but now stop working. And this means that you should not blindly trust even the most authoritative opinion until you understand everything yourself. Scientists call this the "reasonable skepticism" that mathematics teaches us so well.

PySy. Sorry for the mistakes, I'm just a crest.

Hello, my name is Lena, I am 15 years old. I have a problem - I worry too much about grades. I have always studied and now I study for one five, my classmates respect me and are sure that I know everything and always. V Lately getting any other grade, even a four, is like a disaster for me - I get very upset, cry and think for a long time that I could get a 5, but I got a different mark. At the beginning of February, I was sick for a long time and, naturally, when I came to school, it was a little difficult for me to get back on track, because a lot of material was skipped, because of this I got several Bs. And even though now I have made up for the program, I practically do not raise my hand in the classroom, even if I know the correct answer to the question, because it still seems to me that it is wrong, I will be disgraced, and everyone will laugh at me. I get very nervous on tests and tests or when I answer at the blackboard, because of this I start to stumble and get even more nervous, because. I begin to feel that I am mistaken with the answers and answer uncertainly. Tell me what should I do to not worry so much?

I'm too worried

Elena, it is desirable to deal with those fears that are hidden behind this - http://psiholog-dnepr.com.ua/terapiya-strakha

When fears cease to occupy the first place in your life, confidence and faith in your own strength will appear - http://psiholog-dnepr.com.ua/be-your-own-therapist/diary-confidence

Sincerely, Kiselevskaya Svetlana, master, psychologist - in person, skype, phone

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Elena! Your difficulties are understandable. It would be nice to work out your negative state. I invite you to my site, let me send you one of my articles. Good luck*

Fear of Public Speaking Posted in Articles | February 2, 2014

In this article, I want to tell you what might be behind this problem. And to show how easy it is to solve what a person lives with for many years.

This problem also affected my client from Moscow, a successful and accomplished girl in a good position. By the nature of her work, she had to speak in public, and then problems began.

So, the first problem was called "I'm afraid to be ridiculed." And the main memory came from the client's age of 11, when she, as a schoolgirl, along with other children, had to perform at a school event and dance. But the dance was poorly prepared, and embarrassment occurred.

This situation has not let the girl go until now. Now we have pulled out the clip that has lived in it all these years.

Further, as an experienced psychologist, I modeled her condition during a public speech, and it turned out that there was a reaction in the body. She said the following: "I'm holding on, my stomach is twisting from here, there is a grumbling." I asked her what she wanted instead, and she said, "openness, and interest in public speaking."

Having received this, we reconnected to the body, and the client felt the following problem: something pinched in her chest, she pulled out a virtual paper clip. When I asked: who does it belong to? She answered - *mum*, everything was clear here, we didn’t even begin to analyze this situation, since it was a piece of some kind of parental prescription, and he left easily, because instead the client filled herself in, saying the following: “more love to yourself and admiration for yourself.

And the last condition that I had to analyze, as a good psychologist, was the following: dry mouth: “I can’t speak, I’m lisping. I remember the situation when I had to speak in front of the jury, there were 12 people, and I was so excited that everyone noticed it and offered me a glass of water to calm me down.

Here everything was already easy and simple, we removed this state, making positive changes, filling the girl with faith in success.

And upon further verification - rehearsal of her new behavior, it became clear that the problem had completely exhausted itself.

Afanasyeva Liliya Veniaminovna, psychologist Moscow

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