A small child perceives "5" or "4" not just as a mark, but as an assessment of his personality - good or bad. Unsurprisingly, in some pedagogical systems refuse to mark at all, so as not to create unnecessary reasons for. How adequately a child can perceive grades depends, for the most part, on the family. Indeed, sometimes parents forget that not only the result is important, but also participation, and study is a process of obtaining not so much grades as knowledge.

In addition, marks are always subjective: the result may be affected by the excitement or attitude of the teacher. But often it is the attitude of the parents towards them that influences the perception of assessments by the child, and the latter, in turn, can be divided into several types.

Anxious parents. Most often, anxious parents worry about grades: for them, it is an indicator of the success of their child, and, consequently, this is their assessment as an effective or ineffective parent: in other words, how society has assessed their contribution to the child. "For these moms and dads, a bad grade is catastrophic - if he has a 2, then I - bad parent", - explains Anna Fateeva, child psychologist Crisis Center for Women and Children.

authoritarian parents. Children of demanding, controlling, critical parents experience the situation with grades no less hard. Often such people are forced to rewrite the task to the ideal view, meet the four, and even more so the three in the diary with severe silence, lectures or punishments. The child begins to be afraid of evaluations, especially if he has already met with punishment - physical or emotional.

Narcissistic parents. It also happens that it is important for parents to present the results of the child to the public: to be proud, boast, brag, and then the parents - explicitly or not - broadcast to the child: “If you are not successful, you do not live up to our expectations, we don’t need you like that.” Here we are dealing with a situation of rejection, which, accordingly, will lead to excessive and panic before showing the diary to parents.

Pitiful parents. Some overprotective mothers are inclined and ready to alleviate his suffering at any moment. With them, children quickly understand: if you cry after you get a deuce, you will not only not be scolded, but they will even pat you on the head, take pity on you and buy a chocolate bar. Now the baby uses this method every time just to play it safe.

The source of the problem can be not only the family, but also the school environment: an overly strict teacher or a competitive classroom environment can also provoke an exaggerated reaction to grades. In this case, the child begins to fear that classmates will not accept him because of poor academic performance.

Daria Dmitrieva

psychologist at the Crisis Center for Women and Children

What to do if a child is too worried about grades?

When a child is only, his fear of marks is almost certainly due to the fact that he does not know what reaction to expect from his parents, and therefore is anxious. If it's not already Small child and the negative reaction to the assessments has become systematic, which means that the situation requires attention.

“Try to understand why the child is so worried about grades,” advises psychologist Daria Dmitrieva. - Are you afraid that your mother will swear? He ashamed? Does he think he's stupid? Did the guys laugh at him? Did the teacher insult him? In each individual case, the approach to the problem will be different.

Nevertheless, we can try to give some general recommendations.

1. From the first grade, teach your child the right attitude to learning."I'm pleased when you get an 'A', but other marks aren't the end of the world." You should not say: “Oh, did you get a four? What are you, stupid? Here I am at your age ... "The child should be told that "4" does not say anything bad about his personality, character, etc. This is just one of the tools for measuring knowledge.

2. Explain to the child that he has the right to make mistakes. Maybe the child is embarrassed to say that he misunderstood the topic, or he can’t, or this is due to absences due to illness. It is important to support kids so that they are not afraid to say: “I don’t understand, explain.”

3. Don't compare your child to other children who are doing better. This is at least unconstructive. If you want, compare today's results with the success of your child yesterday: “Look, you learned to write this word without mistakes”, “Look, you already write compositions better.”

A small child perceives "5" or "4" not just as a mark, but as an assessment of his personality - good or bad. Not without reason, in some pedagogical systems, marks are completely abandoned so as not to create unnecessary reasons for. How adequately a child can perceive grades depends, for the most part, on the family. Indeed, sometimes parents forget that not only the result is important, but also participation, and study is a process of obtaining not so much grades as knowledge.

In addition, marks are always subjective: the result may be affected by the excitement or attitude of the teacher. But often it is the attitude of the parents towards them that influences the perception of assessments by the child, and the latter, in turn, can be divided into several types.

Anxious parents. Most often, anxious parents worry about grades: for them, it is an indicator of the success of their child, and, consequently, this is their assessment as an effective or ineffective parent: in other words, how society has assessed their contribution to the child. “For such mothers and fathers, a bad mark catastrophizes - if he has a “2”, then I am a bad parent,” explains Anna Fateeva, a child psychologist at the Crisis Center for Women and Children.

authoritarian parents. Children of demanding, controlling, critical parents experience the situation with grades no less hard. Often such people are forced to rewrite the task to the ideal view, meet the four, and even more so the three in the diary with severe silence, lectures or punishments. The child begins to be afraid of evaluations, especially if he has already met with punishment - physical or emotional.

Narcissistic parents. It also happens that it is important for parents to present the results of the child to the public: to be proud, boast, brag, and then the parents - explicitly or not - broadcast to the child: “If you are not successful, you do not live up to our expectations, we don’t need you like that.” Here we are dealing with a situation of rejection, which, accordingly, will lead to excessive and panic before showing the diary to parents.

Pitiful parents. Some overprotective mothers are inclined and ready to alleviate his suffering at any moment. With them, children quickly understand: if you cry after you get a deuce, you will not only not be scolded, but they will even pat you on the head, take pity on you and buy a chocolate bar. Now the baby uses this method every time just to play it safe.

The source of the problem can be not only the family, but also the school environment: an overly strict teacher or a competitive classroom environment can also provoke an exaggerated reaction to grades. In this case, the child begins to fear that classmates will not accept him because of poor academic performance.

Daria Dmitrieva

psychologist at the Crisis Center for Women and Children

What to do if a child is too worried about grades?

When a child is only, his fear of marks is almost certainly due to the fact that he does not know what reaction to expect from his parents, and therefore is anxious. If this is no longer a small child and negative reactions to grades have become systematic, then the situation needs attention.

“Try to understand why the child is so worried about grades,” advises psychologist Daria Dmitrieva. - Are you afraid that your mother will swear? He ashamed? Does he think he's stupid? Did the guys laugh at him? Did the teacher insult him? In each individual case, the approach to the problem will be different.

Nevertheless, we can try to give some general recommendations.

1. From the first grade, teach your child the right attitude to learning."I'm pleased when you get an 'A', but other marks aren't the end of the world." You should not say: “Oh, did you get a four? What are you, stupid? Here I am at your age ... "The child should be told that "4" does not say anything bad about his personality, character, etc. This is just one of the tools for measuring knowledge.

2. Explain to the child that he has the right to make mistakes. Maybe the child is embarrassed to say that he misunderstood the topic, or he can’t, or this is due to absences due to illness. It is important to support kids so that they are not afraid to say: “I don’t understand, explain.”

3. Don't compare your child to other children who are doing better. This is at least unconstructive. If you want, compare today's results with the success of your child yesterday: “Look, you learned to write this word without mistakes”, “Look, you already write compositions better.”

This happens to everyone. The teacher gives you a test or an assignment that you thought you did “excellently” and then your heart drops into your stomach. You have a bad grade, not even an average. Questions flood your mind one after another. How can you improve your academic performance? What will the parents say? What will be the score at the end of the year? In order to get back on track and avoid this mistake in the future, you need to know how to act in this situation correctly. Start with the first step in this guide to learn how to survive a bad grade.

Steps

Part 1

Let the panic pass quickly. When we get a bad grade, we panic (unless you're used to it). It seems to us that we have lost our mind, attention, our talent and strength. But that's not how things are in general. Each of us can stumble. In fact, the mistakes we make in our lives are what make us the people we are, they teach us how to improve and achieve better results next time.

Remind yourself that one bad grade won't ruin your entire academic career. The academic career is made up of many various tests and tests, and not just from those assignments and presentations that you do in class. It depends on the relationship you build with your teachers; the influence you have on your friends; and most importantly, from what you learn. Judging the success of your academic career by one grade is like judging the success of a party by one guest. Such judgments are far from accurate.

Just to be sure, go back to the test and recalculate your scores. Make sure the teacher didn't make a mistake when calculating your scores or summing up the final grade. Remember, even math teachers make math mistakes!

• If you do find a mistake, check again and then take the time to talk to your teacher. Instead of focusing on the error - "You made a mistake on my test, quickly change my grade!" - try to be more understanding. Remember that honey will attract more bees than vinegar. Try something like this: "Did I notice that it didn't count here, or am I missing something?"

1. Carefully find out what grades your classmates got. You probably won't get too upset if you get a '3' or '3 -' when everyone else gets a '3' as well, because that means you got a normal grade. However, be careful when asking about other people's scores - they may not want to share with you, or they may want to know your result instead.

   • If your teacher proportionally underestimated everyone's grades, then your result will be looked at taking into account the grades of everyone else. Thus, if "4 -" is the maximum score on the test, then it becomes a "five", and a "three" becomes a "four".

Part 2

1. Talk to your teacher about possible ways improve the situation. Teachers love it when students who get bad grades show a desire to learn and improve. This makes teachers feel successful, doing the right thing. Therefore, if you approach your teacher and say something like "Hello, Yulia Sergeevna, I didn't like the way I performed on the test. Can you forget about it somehow and work on writing a better next paper?" , your teacher will simply pass out from satisfaction.

   • Even if it's difficult for you, you can get a lot of good out of meeting your teacher:
     • The tutor will explain to you the problems you got wrong and the ideas you didn't get.
     • The instructor will see that you want to learn and can take that into account in your final grade.
     • The teacher can give you an assignment for extra points.

2. Ask for help from students who did better on the test. Helping others is rewarding, which is why many students who do well on paper help those who do poorly. Just make sure that you really spend time studying and working, and not joking and chattering. And try to choose someone you don't think is very attractive, and who you don't have a secret crush on - we all know what "study" is like when we're in the same room with a handsome guy or a beautiful girl.

   Consider telling your parents about the bad grade. While you may not do this, talking to your parents about this is still very good idea. Your parents are worried about your progress. That's why they care about your poor grades - not because they want to make you feel bad. Keeping this in mind will make it easier for you to open up to them and hopefully get the help and support you need.

   • Your parents can sit down and explain to you what you did wrong; they can hire a tutor to help you with your studies; they may also make an appointment with your teacher (although it's unusual to do so after one bad grade) to find out how you can improve your grades.

Part 3

1. Practice effectively, not necessarily for a long time. Many people think that learning the right way means learning for a long time. This is not always true. Purposeful study with enthusiasm often wins over long hours of monotonous work.

   Write down your notes and comments by hand, not on a computer or laptop. Research has shown that writing with pen and paper improves your memory, as opposed to simply typing on a computer. This is due to the fact that writing letters and numbers activates the parts of the brain responsible for motor memory. Improving motor memory means improving memory in general and remembering the information that you write down.

   Take a break from time to time to refresh your memory. 10-minute breaks once an hour help memorize and master the material. You can spend one-sixth of an hour walking, playing with your dog, or calling your friend and sympathizing with them before returning to school.

   Do a practice test before the real test. Practice tests are a great solution if you can get them. They give you a good idea of ​​the problem area of ​​your knowledge and what you need to work on. Practice is the way to perfect results.

   Try not to cram. If you can do without cramming, it is better to refuse it. It wears you down, reduces your understanding of the material and sometimes reduces your self-confidence.

   Get a good night's sleep before the test. Studies have shown that every hour of sleep lost at night increases stress levels by 14%. This doesn't seem like much of a problem until you see how stress affects your grades. So get a good night's sleep at least a few nights before an important test to give your body the best chance of success.

   Have a good breakfast in the morning before the test. Your brain and your body require fuel in order to do well on a test. So a great breakfast is an important priority that should not be overlooked. Try unsweetened cereals, whole grain pastries, yogurt and muesli, oatmeal and fresh fruit to give your body the energy it needs for great results.

Question to the psychologist:

Hello! I am concerned about a problem with my nervous system, my mental state. I am in the 11th grade, I will soon take the exam, but I don’t know what state I will live in, whether I can cope with my worries at the exam itself. I'll tell you everything from the beginning. And it all started after the delivery of gia. During the 9th grade, I didn’t really strain, I wrote all the trials normally, at the end of the year it was 4, I solved a lot of tests, studied, I got a good certificate, compared with previous years, when I studied very poorly. For a year and a half, starting from the middle of the 8th grade, I pulled up my authority. If before no one asked me anything, everyone is used to the fact that I don’t answer in class, that I’m, let’s say, stupid, but now everything has changed, they ask me how I did any task, can I show how did the same. I am already being treated more respectfully and this is very important to me. I wouldn’t say that it was so hard for me to study in grade 8.9, it’s just that then I had to do gia, which I did. I studied at school, at home.

First we took mathematics, then Russian, I don’t remember that I was very worried, I just thought that I was already taking the exam and it was very important to get good grades. First, they announced the results in mathematics, I was very upset, I got 3, I had very few points. It became a shame that I studied, solved trial tests well, but it didn’t work out very well. All hope was in Russian, but I was sure of it, I was sure that I would pass well. But, as it turned out later, I overestimated my strength. On the day when the results in Russian became known, my mother approached me, she was standing next to me, and I was sitting at the computer table, my mother decided to call the teacher in order to find out my results. I was all in attention, I was waiting for an answer. To be honest, it’s very unpleasant for me to remember this moment, because it was then that I felt how everything collapsed. In Russian, I also got 3. That is, I strove for good grades, to be a level higher than those people who did nothing, did not study, but it turned out that I was so stupid, and I remained so. It's just awful, embarrassing. My classmate, who chatted at all lessons, did not write essays and presentations, for the whole year she had very few of them, she was constantly scolded, but she did not care. As a result, she passed mathematics with 3 and was happy about it, but she passed Russian with 5. Without studying, doing nothing, she got 5. Now I don’t know how I just looked her in the eye when she boasted about her results. Well, the reason I didn't write well in Russian was because I couldn't cope with the composition that I wrote all the time throughout the 9th grade. I incorrectly stated the problem that was stated in the quote. And because of this, I lost a lot of points, I had a good test part, the presentation was also good, but the essay ruined everything for me.

After the announcement of all the results, I cried very often, I blamed myself, I scolded myself and so on.

In addition, I was also born in 2013 little brother, my mother constantly asked for help, it was unusual for me that I should spend my free time sitting with him for an hour. I used to come home, and my concern was to relax, cook my own dinner, even clean up a bit, because I was alone at home until five o’clock, I felt freedom, and then, when I was still in 8th grade, my mother went on maternity leave, then towards the end Mom gave birth in grade 8, and it was very hard. At night, my brother woke up, cried, I came up to shake him when she makes milk for him, sometimes I myself went and made this mixture. In the afternoon, when he was sleeping, it was impossible to go to the bathroom, because the water was noisy and my brother could wake up, listen to music and watch movies, I only wore headphones to go to the bathroom, I had to wait for him to get up. In the evening, too, you don’t really go down, he already went to bed at 9 o’clock, and then you can’t make noise again. I don’t really know how to communicate with children, and even more so with such small ones. When I finished the 9th grade and I was very upset by the results, I just stopped believing in myself, I was constantly on my nerves, I could cry at any moment. And then my mother still needed help with her brother, we even quarreled about this, I didn’t want to go into the hall and the kitchen, because she and her brother were constantly there, which is still happening. The only thing that has changed now is that you don’t have to sit with him like before. He can watch cartoons, play on his own, you just need to make sure that everything is in order with him. Yes, and there are no more quarrels about this, since he is already big, I can go to the bathroom, make a little noise, now he does not wake up from this. But the summer, after the 9th and before the 10th grade, was quite depressing for me, the constant feeling of anxiety bothered me. I was also worried that my metabolism slowed down, I began to gain weight, I had problems with the fact that menstruation lasted from 10-15 days, which was not the norm for me.

Now I have the exam on my nose, trial exams also go well, but only in Russian and social studies. When I decided completely on my own, I got about 60-70 points in both subjects, which is quite enough for me to enter the correspondence department. I only have problems with mathematics, so I can’t pass it at all, I’m very afraid that I won’t pass it, then I generally don’t know what I will do with myself and these thoughts scare me. Unlike the 9th grade and previous years, 10th and the beginning of 11th grade is a terrible horror in our school, it turns out that most of the students are exhausted, tired, a lot of stress, lack of sleep. We are given a lot of material. Our class is divided into socio-economic and physical-mathematical groups. I am in socio-economics and, unlike physics and mathematics, we have a lot of material, we have law, economics, social science, a very strict teacher in these subjects, she is very demanding, we have a lot of tests and there is simply no time to relax. Also, in Russian, they require reviews from us, the essays are large. There is also a lot of information on history, but I don’t pass history, although I still need to learn it so that there is an assessment in the certificate. And in history more material. Talking to the teachers that we are all tired is useless, they give us even more. I finished the 10th grade armed with glycine and paracetamol. I fell asleep and woke up with notebooks, I'm serious, I taught in the evening and in the morning. During the day, I can’t study at all, the information just doesn’t fit into my head. I have never experienced such a load that we now have at 10 and 11, and then there are exams, I am terribly afraid of failing badly. Memory refuses to work, since the beginning of the year we already have tests on all topics, I repeat somehow, there is almost no time left for mathematics. Mathematics is a completely different story, our teacher believes that we should prepare ourselves, she will only guide us through the 11th grade course, which will include topics that are in the exam. I have constant stress, they demand good grades and knowledge from me, but I cannot give them. I'm already starting to get nervous as soon as we talk about school in general somehow. I don't get enough sleep in the morning and can't fall asleep before 11 o'clock. I am constantly twitching, feeling anxious, crying. In May, when there was already a month left until the end of the 10th grade, I was sitting in a lesson and we were supposed to have a test in social studies, I just crumpled my pencil case, thought about exams, about my result, that again I need to talk a lot. I then let out a few tears, which, fortunately, no one noticed. Now I can’t remember anything, as soon as I sit down for lessons, I get nervous and tantrums begin. I have a health problem, about this I will go to the doctor soon. I had uterine pain and kidney problems.

My boyfriend and my friend support me, I have known each other for 5 years, he says that I will survive, that I will endure, that I must be patient and he believes in me. I just don't believe in myself. The guy also tries to support, says that he will be there and not much is left. But all this is not enough for me. I do not know how I need to rest so that my condition is more or less normal. Thoughts about suicide scare me the most, if they could have been before, then not seriously and very rarely. Now these thoughts frighten me very much, and they appear often and I am more serious.

Mom does not demand the impossible from me, dad doesn’t care, my grandmother wants me to finish well, get a good certificate and pass well. He says that I must try, that I must be patient, but I don’t know how I should try, I can’t do it anymore. I don't know what else I can say. I tried to distract myself throughout the summer, but it doesn’t work, anyway, thoughts twist me again and I break down, I think about it, I get nervous. The last thing I can say is that when I was in elementary school, my teacher yelled at me that I study at home more and do more tasks than necessary than she asked. After this incident, I stopped studying her for evil, I basically did not answer, I was very offended. Then I got into the 5th grade and I just didn’t care about studying. Help, please, what should I do?

The psychologist Praskanova Ekaterina Vadimovna answers the question.

Hello Christina!

I would like to start by saying that you are great! Truly well done! You take your studies seriously, prepare for exams on your own, prepare yourself for admission. All this business is accompanied by the appearance in the family of a little man, who, of course, requires attention. And, of course, his regime makes its own adjustments to the life of the whole family. But we must not forget that it is growing and, as you yourself noticed, this question disappears by itself on the sly.

This is the situation in many schools today. Children are not just taught some subjects, but are trained to pass the GIA and the Unified State Examination. Many end up in hospitals with one diagnosis or another (not necessarily nerves), because. psychosomatics works in such a way that everything that does not find a way out through emotions will find a way out through the body (for example, the kidneys can say that a person often strives for what he “needs” and not what he wants or likes). Of course, you need to go to the hospital and control all processes in the most careful way.

"Memory refuses to work" - do not worry, memory works for you. V right moment she will give out everything you need (of course, everything that you have laid down)).

Your loved ones (boyfriend, friend, grandmother) are absolutely right. It remains a little and you need to be patient, to bring the matter to the end - to finish school and go to college, and then everything will spin, turn around and become easier. If you look at this whole situation through the prism of important and global problems, ask yourself - is it really that scary?? Everyone goes through this. I agree that horror is happening in schools now, but what can you do, side effect from reforms, progress, etc.

At home, you are not forced to be an excellent student. At school too. So you are asking for this from yourself. For what? You will definitely have enough points for admission to the correspondence course. Is pushing yourself for the sake of excellent grades really important to you?

teacher primary school, probably, she wanted the best, but there was a misunderstanding and the position "... I stopped studying for her evil, I basically did not answer ..." from the opera "To spite the conductor I will go on foot."

Now to the main question: we have a goal - to finish school and go to college. We confidently go to her. We have enough strength. We act in the same way as before - we go to classes, do our homework, we take it seriously. BUT

We help our body achieve its goal. How?

We eat right, well, healthy (no fasting and strict diets);

we do small exercises during breaks;

we arrange meditations for ourselves (find a suitable audio recording);

we listen to relaxation music more often (it is possible even during the preparation of homework);

taking a bath, we add aroma oils/essential oils, which help to relax and raise energy and strength;

we also begin to love oranges (at least their aroma) - it cheers up;

before going to bed, we go out to get some air for an hour with a friend / boyfriend / grandmother and unload our heads;

we drink vitamins that increase immunity (we prescribe from a doctor);

we go to bed on time.

Nothing new and supernatural! These at first glance simple ways help your body survive stressful times and successfully cope with the task!

But if disturbing gloomy thoughts will not leave you or will intensify, then it makes sense to contact a psychologist for a face-to-face meeting (your school psychologist is perfect for this).

Good luck to you, Christina!

Sincerely, Ekaterina Praskanova.

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