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Mikhail went into a spacious, empty pub and looked around. Two loyal friends were waiting for him at a distant table. Sergey and Ruslan. A pretty lady sat next to Ruslan and clung to him. Mikhail immediately recognized Christina and sighed. He walked towards them, ordered a cold beer on the way, and sat down heavily in an empty seat. There was a silence in the close company. Mikhail was either gloomy or cheerful. It was difficult to understand anything from him now. He recently got divorced and was looking for new girl, however, his successes were small. The beer was brought in. Mikhail drained his glass in one gulp and looked around. - How is Sashka? - Ruslan asked, hugging Christina. - As always, - Mikhail shrugged his shoulders. - We talked in the morning. Nothing new. All the same claims for a clean and sincere love , which was not between us. - And what about Renata? Mikhail was on the alert for just a second and broke into a nervous smile: - We also talked well with Renata. I confess my love to her, and she convinces me that I do not love her. Cool. I'm not stupid, I won't insist, and everything is clear - he wants me to forget all this and not interfere with her life. Everything is as usual. He waved his hand. - Hmmm, - Sergei thundered, twirling a tin can in his hands. - Damn, well, tell me bluntly, why bother something. Explain. Why do they behave like that? - In order not to feel guilty for offending a person, - Mikhail explained. - It seems to me that it brings out more, - Sergei remarked and looked with a heavy glance at his interlocutor. - And they do it for a simple reason. Because after you say: “I don’t love you, but it’s fun and interesting for me to be with you, so put aside your love deeper and let’s communicate as before,” most people will be offended and generally withdraw into themselves. And the rest of the small part will not react quite adequately. - You can say this is normal, - Sergei said with resentment. - Yes it is impossible to say it normally, - Michael dismissed. - Because it's okay - that's as I said, and everything else is nonsense and evasion of questions. - But for you it’s better? - Have you seen me at all? - Mikhail chuckled. - Well I'm fucking all over my head. Especially freaky when it comes to being straightforward and honest. I myself have always been like that and I demand the same attitude towards myself. And I am ready for the fact that they will send me that way. But life has taught me to see an honest, straightforward answer to the veiled "I set him a deadline until September, and then maybe ..." - No, no, nonsense ... - Sergey dismissed. - Well, what else for the time ... and then like maybe ... - For what I bought, for what I sell. Sasha also set a "deadline" for her "gazelist" - the first of June. Apparently, she likes to establish a prison regime for men. Set all sorts of deadlines. - Yes, there is generally a disastrous case, - Sergei agreed. - Let's not talk about sad things. - That's for sure, - the interlocutor sighed and sipped his beer. An awkward silence erupted. Each thought about his own. “But there is“ love ”there, but it’s not with me,” Mikhail suddenly said. - What else nafig love ... - Sergei frowned. - Old man, isn't it funny yourself? - Well, it’s cool when there is love, - said the interlocutor gloomily. - With Renata, too, clashed for love. She explained to me that love is not what I mean by this word. What the hell is love in their mind? They generally cannot admit that the brain works in men in a completely different way from theirs. What for them is love at the level of feelings, intuition, men always have reasons. - Yes damn it, - Sergey sighed. - You yourself remember, you told me - fuck. - Sex, dinner, comfort, care, affection, respect, so love sticks together for you, - Mikhail continued. - And men have no other way. And all the words “I just love you, and not for something” are all a lie. Because in a male company, you ask when she is not around: "Why do you love her?" And don't tell me, convince, don't convince, one hell, understanding will only be at the level of "I understand, I can repeat what you said." And the end of the relationship after you once explain to her what you mean by the word "love", because they have it - not love at all, but so ... And when you by the age of forty understand that never for these " divorces "in the style of" why do you love me? " the only man all over the world. Although she will not suspect that you are lying to her stupidly. And she will be happy because she is "really loved", and not like all the other goats. Only now they don't have a question in their heads. If this is such a prince, then why the hell was he “on the sidelines of life” by the age of forty and still his other woman, more experienced, hasn’t got her hands on it? Mikhail sighed. - And then there are mistresses, - he remembered, - which are cool to show off and fun to fuck them. Because they are younger and prettier than the wife. Have you noticed that the average married men make permanent lovers younger than themselves? Let me explain. By the age of forty, you are experienced and know everything that I have described. You young girl lie - like two fingers on the asphalt. “Honey, I love you. With my wife I have so, obligations, but you ... then vanilla crap about feelings ... but with you ... then some nonsense about how he becomes with her ... Yes, I'm ready for you, not ready - unnecessary cross it out, it doesn't matter, you can tell the truth - get a divorce ... if not, then the reason is necessarily - children ... but only with you ... and then again snot with sugar. " Yes, that's all lies! He cried suddenly. - He stupidly wants to fuck a young girl, everything else is fairy tales. Because at home there is a well-arranged life, children, everything is going as it should. Only the wife is hopelessly aging and smoothly turns into the age of a sexually unattractive grandmother. And here the girl is beautiful and accessible. She needs to pay a little, we all pay for women, to one degree or another, lie according to the template and have her in any position. - It turns out that there is no love, - said Christina. - No love? - Michael asked and looked at her with a grin. - Yes, there is love. And there is love for the mistress, only another. With my wife - everyday life, comfort, children, habit, wear living together... With a mistress - sex, passion, again, a habit. Does he love both of them falsely? No. Because for a man, love is always laid out on the shelves, and for a wife and a mistress, from a woman's point of view, accents stand out: "He only fucks with her, he loves me, and only me for real." “Yes, with her, he was only used to, but with me true love, passion". Both of you are wrong. He loves both of them. Just tell you directly how it really is, you both will blow up his brain, tk. in the female and male understanding, love is different. - True ... - Ruslan said with some regret. - And the rest is a lie to myself ... Christina shoved him in the side. “Uh-huh,” Mikhail pulled gloomily. - It took me nine years to formulate this. “Well, better late than nobody,” Ruslan chuckled. “To be honest, I totally agree with the idea that men and women understand love differently,” said Christina. - At least what male love does not look at all the same as women imagine her - this is the conclusion to which I have come long ago. Most of what you say is still your personal opinion, with something I can agree, but with something I can’t, perhaps due to insufficient life experience. Let's just say that a woman who is not devoid of romance always wants to believe that a man simply loves her for who she is. Not only for sex and everything else, although sex is much more important for you men than for women. Yes, you are right in many respects, but in addition to all that you have listed, there is also something without which it is impossible to build a good relationship ... This is mutual understanding, at least some kind of respect, a share of friendship, more or less coinciding life guidelines ... If all this is present, then harmony in relationships is possible. If there is harmony, then the questions "why do you love me?" or "why did you stop having sex with me every day?" or "who is that brunette in your friends?" will not be. In general, the most disgusting thing is all these questions. As Gumilev said: "Relationships perish when they begin to figure them out." - With a list of things without which a relationship cannot be built, you are right to one hundred percent, - Mikhail agreed, - but the topic is not about relationships and not about falling in love, but about love. These are three different terms. - Do you think love comes by itself, and you just enjoy it? - asked Christina. - Love still needs to be nurtured and supported later. Relationships without love are empty, unnecessary and meaningless. - To the point, - praised Mikhail. - I am glad that you understand about the "cultivation" of love. - Well, just ... how else? The girl asked timidly. - And millions of people create relationships, families, without realizing it at all. - Tell this to my ex-wife, - Mikhail muttered. - I told her this for 6 years in marriage. And she still behaves like a thirteen-year-old girl. Although she is already thirty this year. - Is she older than you? - Christina inquired and squeezed even more into Ruslan. - I know, I have acquaintances of young women, whose psychology is as follows. I don't know what the catch is about, apparently these are the consequences of the development of the era in which we live, but most women are waiting for just beautiful love, a husband who fulfills all their desires, romance, passion, bouquets of roses every day, and so on, as if relationships are created in order to stupidly satisfy different needs. Such an attitude towards life that she should bring everything to you on a silver platter. Of course, this also applies to men, but in a slightly different way. - And as a result, it turns out that women's consumerism is on the same level - flowers, romance, snot, lies about "you are everything in the world", then children, and for men - sex, grub and ironing-washing, and again well, children. Only for some reason, each of the parties, if you explain to them that the approach is consumerist, starts to get into the bottle. Women talk about "low desires", and men - "but what is this fool lacking?" “Yes, that's right,” Christina agreed sadly. - Just an oil painting of a standard modern young family. In fact, everything was fundamentally wrong. And such consumerism comes from the person himself. From his attitude to life, from his character. From the degree of his self-control, etc. - Correct orientation, - Ruslan laughed. Suddenly, a recent acquaintance girl appeared behind Mikhail's back, to whom he confessed his love. “Crap,” she said without even sitting down. - Sex for a woman is much more important than for a man. He finished and is happy. And then she puffs all this up in her head. He doesn’t fuck, so he doesn’t like it and the like. Misha. You can hardly find a female cynic worse than me. “Depends on the woman,” Mikhail said without malice. - Someone gives a damn about sex. And not frigid, it seems, but sex is in the background for them. I’m saying, for me, sex is not in the first place. I'm fucked up, I need a riddle, interest, spark, passion, strength, cynicism, understanding, experience, a woman's own opinion. “Love is love,” Renata said. - I saw her at different men. Such that for life - one. There is a relationship or not. And you have no love. And all you are talking about here is crap. Relationships, words ... love is not here, you know? Love is God, God is within you. His feeling and awareness. Its acceptance. Only this is love. And what are you all talking about - crap, you know ??? Relationships, grinding. When you feel God in yourself through her, then you will love. You will love this light within yourself. And there will be no her, but the light will remain. Light from love. And you will love her to the grave. Her alone. From which you will become brighter inside. From which you will understand why you live. The rest is crap. And you will not convince me with any arguments. Because love is a religious concept, and what you are talking about is human. That's the whole difference. “And here Michal Mikhalych was completely delighted with Renata Yulievna,” the guy sighed wearily. - Such delight that only She appeared in his head, and no one else. And he began to see before his eyes only Her alone. And he cannot imagine his future life without It. Because she will forever remain in his head, no matter what happens. “That's what I'm talking about, Misha,” Renata responded kindly. - Not the head, but the soul and heart. This is exactly what: you are about the head, and I am about the soul. Finally, you must understand what I am telling you. I understood you. “You have a concept of the soul,” Mikhail muttered. - And I don’t have it. Not at all. I don't have it in me. I have a head and a body. Therefore, simply accept that I am made differently. And I also believe with my head, and I feel it the same. And I have no other "feeling", no heart, no soul, no chakras. I have it all in one place - in my head. “Okay,” Renata agreed easily. - On this we will decide. There are two worlds: the male with two heads, and the female with chakras. The girl made a pen and fluttered out of the institution. - Damn, how they like to talk about the soul ... - Sergei howled. - Well, tell me, that's how ... they talk about it, but lead a completely opposite way of life? - If you're talking about promiscuous sexual intercourse ... - Mikhail suggested, - Well, or about moderately ordered, then it's elementary. For women, this is explained simply - love from the soul, and sex - from the body. For sex, love is not very important. - A-ah-ah, - Sergei drew understandingly. - Well, and then the muzhiks hang noodles on their ears, something from the category: "I just can't, I need love for sex." And when it "binds", then there is a substitution of concepts: "Well, there is something just for the sake of sex, what does love have to do with it?" - Damn, they have no logic ... Personally, my primitive opinion ... They argue through ... - Sergei looked at Christina and said nothing. - Men have two heads, and they think with them, women have four lips, and they spank them. Ruslan burst into laughter, Christina also smiled. - Yes, there is just logic, - said Mikhail. - Only it is not the same as that of men. It is akin to jurisprudence or financial analysis, "as it is convenient, we put it, in any case, we will be able to explain the result." It's just that if for men everything is at the level of thinking, then for women it is more at the level of intuition. But they don't really want to believe it. - And you can’t convince me, - Sergey assented. - Listen, tell me: what do you want to come to by discussing this topic? - asked Christina. - I AM? - Mikhail said in confusion and looked around. - At first, I just wanted to whine, now ... I have not had such an interesting communication for a long time. The opinions of different people. Men and women. I want to understand the problematic, find common ground, how a woman can explain the male perception of reality. - I understand your desire, but still it is hardly possible to explain to women the male perception of reality, and to men - the female. It's just that when people love each other and are ready to be together, overcoming all sorts of difficulties, the global problem of eternal misunderstanding between a man and a woman will already go aside altogether. - And in this case, it doesn't matter how they love, right? - Michael specified. - Can everyone love in their own way? Or is it just important that nature be the same? - I mean, - the girl explained, - what to explain all this an ordinary woman , living half in dreams, half in her desires, or an ordinary man who needs nothing but grub and sex for happiness is useless. They won't hear, they won't understand. Only one whose soul is alive can understand this. And the soul is alive in the one who loves - We have arrived, - Mikhail sighed. - I love - and I have no soul. Just because I am made differently. Am I now, am I not capable of love? Counter-arguments? Christina thought for a moment. “Well, nature has never been the same for men and women and never will,” she said. - Yes, men and women love differently. Each of them should understand this and not require a loved one to be the way you want him to be. In general ... there is also such a thing: selfish love. When you love for yourself. And not for another. This is already a sign that nothing good will happen. The soul is a conventional designation for the inner life of a person. If you think that you or people have no soul at all, please. Let it not be a soul, let's call it something else. - But what does it have to do with myself? - Michael was indignant. - I don't love Renata for myself. And if she marries someone else and is happy, then I will also be happy and happy for her that everything is fine in her life. - Despite the fact that basically everyone loves it that way. I'm not talking about you, I didn't get into your soul, again this term. As you say, selfish love does not apply to you. - Listen, well, I loved my wife, too, not for sex and not for food. And not because of the child. I was pleased to see that she achieves something in life with my help, she gets pleasure from it. Only this was not enough for her, and the words and the "candy-bouquet period" until the end of her life were important. That was the end of it all. And what does she have now? Nothing. Crazy boyfriend - the driver of the Gazelle, who is 6 years older than her, and what she achieved with me. From achievements, I do not mean "the spiritual world" and "understanding of life." Because in these categories she does not listen to me at all. Mikhail looked into the empty glass. - No, I'm strange after all. He confessed his love to the girl, and we never even held the hand with her. And what is this? Love for sex? No. Desire for dinner in the evenings? No, either. And that I loved my wife in a different way? Yes, in the same way, I don't like it in a different way, oddly enough. I invested strength in it, made it develop. And she made me develop. Well, I also achieved a lot because of her. And I am still grateful to her for that. And I respect her for that. Only now all this love goes “for something” and “for something”, and not as they tell me. Whatever one may say, cause and effect are in my head. Even for love. But the reasons are sophisticated. - Tell me, what else does Renata need? - Sergey asked. - What does she want? - Michael asked and looked at his friend with a dull look. - Financially - a house in Switzerland, children, a husband with a stable job. Just dreams, to which she systematically goes. Spiritually - she said that there was "love" inside her. Inside. Her. Not a manifestation from a man, not a twinkle in the eyes, and not worshiping her, but within her. - Hmm, wait, - Sergei frowned. - That is, to the groom who lays the dick, she feels ... - And the funniest thing, - Mikhail continued, - that this love inside she can nurture when she needs it. Exactly in the format as she sees it. Exactly what Christina was talking about. Only for this desire is needed. If her current fiancé, who does not call her to marry, will end in September, she will switch to another. Who will lie better, as I told you. Who will not tell her the whole truth in her eyes. - You, it turns out, stay, wait and live in hope? - Sergey specified. - What, nafig, hope? - Michael dismissed. - I am for Renata now - an option out of despair. Just because I told her the truth, not what she wanted to hear. I would be lying, I would keep silent about how it really is - there would be chances. Was it different with Masha? Yes, the same thing. She loved me for my dedication, character, core. She intuitively began to approach the idea that love was "not just like that", but "for something." And I loved her for her kindness, and became kinder to her. And we parted with her only because I could no longer lie to her about the absence of reasons for love, to conceal all these reasons and all the love that was in me, to be more precise. It hurts, it hurts, but true. And until now, I wish her only well, and I will be happy when everything in her life will turn out perfectly. But if I told her about my motives, what would have happened? All the same, they would have parted. She would not understand me. Because women don't understand. They understand only when the moment of despair comes. But it may also end. It's just that for someone it comes early, like Christina, and everything will change for her, this cool feature of female perception will come, which we call " female logic", And for someone, like Sasha, for example, it comes to thirty-five years old, and there it remains only to be content with what has got," leftovers ". To hammer the last nail into the coffin with your happiness "as you want", and start living "as it turns out." Only here Sasha has one huge bonus over many others - his daughter Dasha. And Renata has no children. And the biological clock is ticking every day, and the reproductive instinct begins to prevail over mental desires. - Here I agree, - Sergey picked up. - And although Sasha really wants a second child, she will no longer die in grief from the fact that she has not had children in her entire life. And this gives her a small, but, nevertheless, hope that she will find her prince. Deceitful and quirky, like her previous ones, and not honest and open, like me. Mikhail put a tip on the table, said goodbye and went out into the street. It was wet and damp and gloomy. He took out a cigarette, lit a cigarette and slowly walked home.

Holy father…
- Yes, my son.
- Let me ask you one question.
- Inquire openly, lad. If it is in my power, I will answer.
- What is love, father?
- What?!
- Love, Father. I asked about love.
- But doesn't the Abbot tell you every day about love - to our Lord, Jesus? ...
- Says, father. But I want to know about another love ...
- Your thoughts are sinful, my son! There is no other love. And in general ... where did you get such questions, and even within these walls?
- I thought, Father. The juices of life. Nature. Heavenly and earthly creatures ... man and woman ...
- Fornication all this ... Animals and birds are not driven by love.
- And the man ?!
- Well, where did you come across to me like that! ... And your question ... where did he come from?
- Here, in the monastery, in the library, there are several books of foreign languages ​​...
- Learned to read and write different languages ​​?!
- Yes, father. And in those books the lines are foldable, light, beautiful!
- These are poems, son. And what are these lines about?
- I understand that about a woman, about love ...
- Did you yourself understand which of these lines?
- No, father, but it is written beautifully!
“I told the Abbot,” the confessor thought, sighing, “that it’s not a trace in the monastery to keep such things. And he’s all about enlightened Europe ...
- Not a godly deed - these lines. Forget about them, my son!
- But how, holy father, it is written after all! ...
“Ah, it’s written…” the priest chuckled into his beard. - You see, son ... well, how to explain to you ... This love is the monster Leviathan, which the Lord chained into the cage of our mind ...
- A monster ?! ... And why are such beauty spelled out in the words of those, why the world in them is both brighter and brighter than ours ?!
- That demoniac delirium, whom the Lord has deprived of the fortitude of reason.
- And if the monster breaks out - then what?
- Do not tempt the Evil One, my son!
- What about children?…
- The fruit of sin.
- But what about ... Mother of God?! ...
- Do not blaspheme, lad!
- But all this is called in one word - love!
"An obstinate youth," the confessor smiled again, "will not just lag behind."
“Do you know that your speech is seditious, my son?
- I know, father, but ...
- That's it! ... And, let me ask, what do you yourself understand about this very love?
- I believe, holy father, that all love is from God and to his glory.
- You dared, however, in your speeches with the confessor.
- So how else to find the truth ?!
- What restless you, lad ... I heard, it is true that I have not been girding myself with a rope for centuries. I also knew human love, sinful love. There is she in the world, there is! - The Confessor fell silent, raising his eyes to the icon of the Wonderworker. - And I saw a white light, and people, and princes - different barons, once it happened even with the tsar-priest in the same hall to stand ... For her, for my love, I ended up here ... And this is what I will tell you: you have to believe in her , you must believe! Love for the Lord can hide anyone from the Evil One, protect and save - if this love is true! And another love is given to a person as a test. That test evens out the other strong, and sometimes the weakest will rise above himself, exalt ... And beauty in that love, and strength, and ... and malice, and deceit, and cruelty, and animal lust! ...
- But how to guess, father ?!
- But no way, son! Only the road will open to the one walking! ... Only ... don't tell anyone about our conversation, please. I am ...
- Yes, Father, of course ... Is it possible? ... no ... thank you, father ...

Phone call. 2am.

- Hey. I love you.

- Hi (smiles).

- How are you without me? Sorry it's so late ...

- Never mind. Leshka, I missed you so much, when will you arrive?

- The sun, just a little bit left, just a couple of hours and I'm at home. Let's talk, otherwise I've been driving for 10 hours already, I'm tired, I have no strength, but your voice invigorates me and gives me strength.

- Of course, let's talk. Could you tell me how your business trip ended? Cheated on me, probably (smiles)?

- Lyubanya, how can you joke like that, I love you so much that I don't even look at anyone. And at work I managed to do a lot. I am sure that after all this, at least my salary will be raised. Here. And how do you feel? Is our baby pushing?

- Pushing ... it is little said, I do not understand what I did to him. And, you know, usually, when I hear your voice, it is calmness itself, but now something on the contrary has spread. Why did you decide to go into the night? I would have rested, but I was driving, otherwise ... Here's how you left, tell me.

- Well, how, how: after the last negotiations, I got into the car, drove into the hotel to get my things and moved towards the house. Somewhere in the second half of the journey, an hour and a half ago, don't worry, I passed out, but literally for a couple of seconds. Everything is fine, thank God, but feeling tired again, I decided to call you so as not to fall asleep anymore.

- So how can I not worry? Wait a second, the city is calling. At a time like this, who could it be? Wait a second.

- Sotnikova Love?

- Yes. Who is this?

- Senior Sergeant Klimov. Sorry it's so late, we found a car that had an accident. According to the documents, the person inside is Aleksey Valerievich Sotnikov. Is this your husband?

- Yes. But this cannot be, I am talking to him on my cell right now.

- Ale, Lesha. Lyosha, answer! They tell me that you crashed. Hello! In response, only a slightly audible hiss of the speaker.

- Hello. Sorry, but I really just spoke to him.

- Sorry, but this is not possible. The honey expert stated that death occurred about an hour and a half ago. I'm really sorry. Sorry, we need you to come for an identification. How much you need to love and want to return home so as not to notice death ...

Every April 15, she and her son come to him at the cemetery. Alyoshka is an exact copy of his father. And he often says, "Hi, I love you," was his dad's favorite expression. He knows that his parents loved each other very much, he knows that his parents were really looking forward to his appearance, he loves them very much. And also, every time he comes to the cemetery with his mother, he comes up to the stove, hugs her as much as he can and says: “Hello, dad” and begins to tell how he is doing, how he built a house out of blocks, how he drew a cat, how he hammered his the first goal, how he loves and helps his mother. Lyuba constantly, looking at her son, smiles and tears run down her cheek ... A young woman smiles from a gray tombstone. handsome guy, like before. He will always be 23 years old. Thanks to the master who even conveyed the expression of his beloved eyes. Below she asked to make an inscription: "You are gone forever, but not from my heart ..." His cell phone was never found at the scene of the accident and she expects that someday he will definitely call her again ..