There are no greedy men, there are mercantile women. So say representatives of the strong half of humanity.

Ladies fundamentally disagree with this and cite thousands of examples as arguments when they had to deal with real misers. The main question that torments the representatives of the beautiful half of humanity in such a situation: is it possible to re-educate the greedy?

Photo by Westend61/Getty Images

Recognizing a greedy man at the very beginning of a relationship is quite difficult. First, the woman looks at him through pink glasses. Secondly, the gentleman does not always begin to show himself for the first time after meeting. However, all the same, nature takes its toll, and the features of a greedy man are visible in him. In order not to suffer later all your life and not reproach yourself for the wrong choice, you should take a closer look at the man from the very beginning. Moreover, the manifestation of such a negative fact in him does not mean that he cannot be put up with.

How to distinguish greed from prudence

Psychologists assure that even if you are 100% sure that your man is greedy, before you start re-educating him, be sure to understand the question of what greed is in general and how it can be caused by your beloved guy. Indeed, often women begin to panic that “my husband is saving on me,” and then they begin to reproach the man for all his sins. On women's forums, it is often customary for ladies to call such a man mean, arrogant and other unflattering words. Here they like to offer various ways fight against male greed.

In general, greed or stinginess have one nature - a possessive attitude (and these can be things, money, and even people themselves). In this regard, a man naturally develops a reluctance to share his property with anyone. The things that a person himself built, bought, got, etc., form his picture of the world, and if they are taken away from him or, even worse, start condemning him for not wanting to share, this will not add any harmony.

It is especially important for men to feel things and money as their own, as this helps them to stand firmly on their feet and express themselves through objects dear to their hearts. If all this does not go beyond a healthy framework, when a man literally does not let anyone in, sets up an alarm around his things, erects a barbed wire fence, etc., we can assume that we are talking about normal stinginess inherent in almost every person. Naturally, it is not only pointless to fight this, but it is also dishonest in relation to the partner.

It has been proven that if a woman tries to deprive a man of his basic needs to have his own and only his own things, he can even fall into a neurosis. And this is a broken relationship, and a large number of funds for treatment.

A dangerous symptom of the transformation of a man into a greedy man is the fact that he has moved from a qualitative assessment of his property to a quantitative one. So, if a man, under the pretext of austerity, begins to fanatically save money, refuses to spend for himself, and his wife, and even children, you should start to worry. Perhaps your spouse has a problem.

Causes of greed in men

Naturally, greed does not come from nowhere, it, like everything else on earth, has its own reasons. For example, one of the most common causes is the example of childhood. If the family had low material wealth and the parents saved up literally every little thing, denying the child literally everything, the chances are that he will begin to behave in the same way. adult life quite a bit of. Moreover, this man himself can be quite wealthy. Just childhood fears do not allow him to live in peace.

Also, greed in a man can develop, even if he grew up in a fairly wealthy family. This happens when non-poor parents, for fear of disbanding the child, do not buy him anything that he would like. They usually motivate their refusals with one phrase: “We have money only because we have never squandered it on trifles.” Everything, the installation is laid.

The reason for greed in a man is the desire of parents to indulge their son in his selfishness. They will give him something delicious, even if it is the last one, but only so that he can eat it himself, alone.

If in a man's family the father limited the mother in money, believing that she was spending them on all sorts of stupid things, the chances that the man, having matured, would do the same, noticeably increase.

This situation is especially common in those families where the wife does not work, and the husband fully supports her. Then he may well demand from her an account for every penny. She will perceive this as a real stinginess.

How to recognize a greedy man

First of all, to determine whether a man is greedy, you need to listen to what he says. So, for example, someone who only has money on his mind will say the word “expensive” on a date more often than your name. If at the same time he does not give you any gifts, he will not even buy the smallest chocolate bar, then you are definitely a miser.

Sometimes a man's greed is indicated by such a fact as refusing to leave a tip in a restaurant or cafe. You can also suspect stinginess in a man, he scrupulously counts the change and asks to give him everything to the penny. If a gentleman boasted to you of his ability to get by with one shirt, to live without washing machine and other important things, he is most likely stingy.

reasoning greedy man always in one way or another relate to the questions of what, where and how much it costs. Moreover, he will talk about this topic, even if you did not ask him about it. With money, on occasion, the greedy will be very reluctant to part.

Is it possible to re-educate the greedy and how

Often, ladies begin to re-educate a man, struggling with his addiction to save hard on everything. However, such a struggle is not always successful. And all because it must be carried out according to certain rules that ladies do not follow. The principle “faster means more efficiently” does not work in this situation.

First you need to have a soft conversation with a man. In no case should you put pressure on him, as this will only cause a negative backlash. It’s better if you first praise him for his frugality, and then gently hint that it’s better to spend money on a good thing once than to regularly throw money away on a bad one.

If a man saves only on his family, but not on himself personally, you should not throw a scandal at him. It is better to spend an indicative month for him and make him responsible for paying for all services - housing and communal services, electricity, rent, kindergartens and schools, etc. In addition, all this month he has to buy groceries on his own. At the end of the experiment, it is necessary to take stock and conclude whether his wife is really a spender or her requests for funds for housekeeping are quite justified.

If, even after the end of the experiment, the man will behave like a miser, the woman should think carefully about what exactly keeps her close to such a man.

Alternatively, if a man allocates too little money for the household, you can try to re-educate him by cutting food expenses. Let him come home a day or two, and for dinner either buckwheat or pasta and nothing more. Alternatively, you can take it to the market and clearly demonstrate how much certain household goods, including groceries, cost.

If re-education helped, great! If not, it’s worth considering what keeps you close to such a man, and whether you are ready to put up all your life. Remember that the situation only gets worse with age.

These are such Plushkins who are always saving up for a rainy day or something unreal. You just need an excuse to keep anyone out of your money. Their eternal “there is no money”, but you know that there is money, but he is just sorry. He would take yours too, if he was allowed to. And some allow... This is a disease. Various degrees of mental disorder, like claustrophobia or kleptomania. It needs to be treated. And not to the wife, but to the doctor. Psychiatrist. Will he go with you to a psychiatrist? You know the answer. Whether you will be happy with such a husband is up to you.

There is a second type of greedy. They are not miserly, because they can easily buy a motor for a boat, a laptop or an iPad, and a wife for boots? You haven't taken your skates yet. Every penny has to be beaten out with a fight, the products are too expensive, “where did you spend 5 thousand in a week”? And the soul flew to heaven.

Admire, ladies, these are the fruits of your hard work. It was you who taught him to save on you. They refused gifts, were embarrassed to ask, gave in debt, paid in half, chipped off, gave him expensive gifts. Sometime at the very beginning, he learned: it’s so normal for her, she doesn’t want to. And when you suddenly want it, it infuriates him. He is already used to spending money only on himself, and you, an impudent woman, eat EVERY DAY and three times.

How to deal with it? Once and for all, forbid yourself to save on yourself. Learn to ask for gifts correctly, respond correctly to refusals, praise correctly, thank and ask, ask. Because it's therapy! Rehabilitation. Those who have atrophied muscles should work 10 times more with them than those who are healthy. Teach him back to be generous with you. And yes, it won't be easy.

Men are very different from women both physically and psychologically, this was originally laid down by nature and we all know about it, but nevertheless we try to measure each other with our own yardstick. Is it possible to re-educate a husband, is it necessary to put pressure on him, try to break him in order to make him more “comfortable”? Changing another is an empty undertaking, although it is very energy-consuming. Better educate yourself. Only true women motivate men to exploits.

pink dreams

Women, entering into a relationship, are very demanding, do not want to accept men as they are, they try to re-educate their chosen one, both outwardly, choosing a different style of clothing, forcing him to change his watch or hairstyle, and psychologically, criticizing his habits, outlook on life, etc.

When relationships develop like this, it becomes incomprehensible what the woman was guided by when she married this man. After all, it is difficult to live together when you do not recognize his features and do not value his values.

Looking for tips on how to properly raise a husband, a big spoiled child? In vain. Leave your delusions! Apparently you think you're the best and he's not good enough for you. But your belief that he will definitely want to change for you is unfounded. And that's putting it mildly. No one owes nothing to nobody.

Your belief that he will definitely want to change for you is unfounded.

It is better to live real life, not dreams. Why constantly soar in the clouds and think about how everything could develop with your loved one, and not enjoy what you have in this moment? Do you enjoy building castles in the sand rather than enjoying the present moment? To enjoy everyday life with a real person, only yours, with his little weaknesses and shortcomings?

If you like to arrange long conversations and explain to him what he should become in order to match your ideal, then you will not achieve anything good. You will receive only tough resistance from the man - he lived quite happily before you, why now he should give up everything and change everything.

And if a man starts to be stubborn, then you can hardly boast of a happy family life. Men don’t really like to delve into themselves and don’t want their woman to turn into a “psychologist” who endlessly analyzes his behavior in the family and at work.

"Bouillon of Men"

If you are still so arrogant that you decided to take on this thankless task and want to re-educate your husband, then the following tips may be for you.

First, clearly state what changes you need in his behavior or character and directly tell him about it. Explain how important he is to you and your relationship, how much you are willing to do for him and that you expect the same from him. If you show wisdom and patience, then the time will come, and the husband brought up in this way will become what you want, but whether this will bring you happiness - that is the question ...

But be prepared for the fact that even if your husband starts to change, there will hardly be less claims on your part. Working on the other and improving the other to fit your ideas is an endless process. Be prepared that he may not stand it, and send you to hell.

Men do not want their woman to turn into a "psychologist" who endlessly analyzes his behavior in the family and at work.

Of course, a smart woman helps and unobtrusively a man. She can help him decide to get an additional higher education, possibly a European one, take care of proper nutrition and healthy way life, enroll him in stylist courses.

As we know, any president is made by a woman: his wife and retinue. Of course, all women, when they get married, put a little pressure on their loved ones and start cooking "broth of men." But you can do it gently and unobtrusively, admiring every, even minimal, step in your direction, or you can put pressure on him, not commensurate with the force of interference in his personal space.

If you are lucky, and the man suits you in all respects, except for one, then think carefully about whether this flaw needs to be corrected or it is better to put up with it. Is it worth teaching him not to scatter his socks all over the room, or be sure to go to the store, or be sure to warn him if he is late home, at least for half an hour ...

By the way, many men forget to call and warn that they are late. Is it worth it in this situation to immediately think about how to re-educate your husband? The advice of a psychologist in this situation would be the following: first try to understand yourself, and why you are so offended that he forgets to call or misses your call.

Perhaps you are not worried about him, but because he has a new young colleague in his office. Or maybe you just want to be the perfect hostess and serve a hot dinner on the table by his arrival. Relax, you can be not perfect, the peace in your house is more important than a hot steak.

The peculiarity of men is that they can only do one thing. This is what we, women, fan thinking, because it is vital for us at the same time that the children do not get bored, and cook dinner and discuss daily problems with mom on the phone.

Do not alter branded item

Still, there is only one best way out - do not remake a man, it is better to try to accept him as he is, and perhaps you will still receive gratitude from him. Do not look for an answer to the question of how to re-educate a spoiled child, a lazy person or an egoist. Remember that it is better not to even do this, not to spoil your nerves! Think about it. You may not immediately realize that this is so.

Of course, all women, when they get married, put a little pressure on their loved ones and start cooking "broth of men." But it's better to do it gently and unobtrusively.

Your beloved is an already formed personality, and after all, you once fell in love with him just like that. One mental exercise helps to accept this. Imagine your favorite fruit, like a peach or a watermelon. There after all too there are bones which irritate. But how do we treat them? Just calmly spit it out and enjoy the fruit further. Why not treat the weaknesses of your chosen one like that?

In order to understand whether you are compatible or not, you had a candy-bouquet period. So it was necessary at that time to try on each other, and objectively look at the shortcomings and advantages. A very good test for compatibility is the answer to the question: “Does this person prevent me from living, being constantly next to me?”. If it doesn't interfere, then everything is fine.

Then you need to jointly develop the rules for your comfortable coexistence, correctly distribute roles and responsibilities - all this will reduce quarrels to a minimum. A man is like a suit, you can find him by yourself, but altering a branded item is not good. If you can’t get along with him, understand and accept - then part and do not torment each other. Over time, each of you will find someone with whom you will be happy, the main thing is not to rush.

They say there are no bad husbands. It's all about the woman's wisdom, or rather her pedagogical talent. Many ladies are sure that a man can be re-educated. Is it so?

Hello Igor! Tell me, can a man be re-educated at all? I don’t like some of his habits, I’m trying to wean them somehow, but so far without success. Leila, Magadan

Thanks for the question Layla! I have to disappoint you: it is almost impossible to re-educate an adult, even if he is not a man, but a woman. It is still theoretically possible to correct something in childhood, and not everyone succeeds: our manners, habits and behavior are almost 90% determined by genes and are embedded in us from birth. They say that a bull terrier must be beaten hard and painfully while he is a puppy. Then he will generally remember what pain is, because with age he will no longer feel this pain. People, of course, do not have to be beaten, but in childhood they are still afraid of something and obey someone. But an adult, as a rule, is not afraid of anyone and he simply does not have any authorities left whose instructions and wishes he would fulfill as unquestioningly as his parents. (Yes, even parents in childhood do not do everything by far.) Therefore, it is strange to hope that a person will suddenly take it and start working on himself, because his wife wants it that way. It probably won't start. And than more years for a person, the more difficult it is to change something in him both from the outside and for himself.

Therefore, the most experienced women have long understood that it is better from the very beginning to try to discern in the future husband all his shortcomings and immediately understand whether they can be tolerated later or not. After all, falling in love will pass, and the shortcomings will come out in all their glory, and even worse. With age, not only food deteriorates, but we all deteriorate. So first and foremost important advice- try to see everything in the chosen one at once and not only the good. No matter how deeply you fall in love with him. This good advice- it's just a pity that almost no one ever follows it. And so in 2-3 years living together you suddenly notice that you are infuriated by his habit of sitting at a computer for days, throwing clothes around the apartment, not lowering the toilet lid, etc., etc., etc. Previously, you just noticed this with disapproval, but now you infuriates. And tell me, who is to blame? You. It infuriates you, but he always was like that, you just took it easier. And why on earth would he suddenly start to change what you put up with before?

However, there are two ways to avoid divorce. The first is to change your attitude towards his shortcomings, that is, try to see the good in the bad.

Yes, clothes are scattered all over the apartment. But you can immediately see the one that is time to wash. Agree: if he put it in a pile in the corner, it would not be so easy. Yes, he sticks out at the computer all day - but you always know where he is. He does not hang around taverns and mistresses - they have long been replaced by various porn sites. Moreover, the whole apartment is at your disposal and you can do whatever you want in it. He will not even notice if you accidentally set fire to the carpet or bring a man.

And the second way to do without a divorce is to slowly accustom a man to something good so that he slowly weaned from the bad. Well, for example, he is used to living in a pigsty. That is, at first there was a cluttered parental communal apartment. Then a smoky hostel with friends and bottles instead of furniture.

And then you lived in a rented apartment, which you simply did not want to bring to mind, because it is also rented. And now you have your own apartment and clean. That is, you are trying to make it clean, but he still walks on the carpet in dirty shoes. How to wean? Remove carpet altogether? Lay black? No. Lay on the contrary snow-white. For this, carpet is perfect and it is better to cover everything with it. Well, his leg will not rise to walk in boots on this white silence. So he will take off his shoes. Then you can replace his beer can with cigarette butts with a beautiful ashtray and create a comfortable place for this troglodyte to smoke on the balcony. Put a chair there, for example. Only this is all without pressure and yelling, but very tactfully and delicately.

So that he likes it and he himself understands that it is more comfortable. In general, gradually you can achieve such miracles of training that you yourself will be amazed at the success. The main thing is that it does not look like training, but

It was perceived as a continuous concern for his beloved. You can also do away with his habit of eating on the couch. As soon as you learn how to set the table beautifully and serve delicious dishes, so the man will learn how to eat them beautifully at the dining table, and not from a stool.

But there are three habits when it is better to immediately part with a man: alcoholism, drug addiction and gambling. Virtually none of them is incurable, and the mild form almost always becomes severe. Ask any narcologist: he will confirm to you that five and only five insignificant percent of total number alcoholics and drug addicts are able to tie up completely. The rest can refuse the potion only for a while, and a return to the past is possible at any time. And, by the way, your leaving such a man can only help him.

Some still manage to give up their vice for the sake of the woman they love.

“Do you think love for me will not be able to overcome the essence of a woman?”

(from a question to the men's forum)

The illusion of the possibility and necessity of re-education is a continuation of the delusion about the existence of “one and only”. Like, “I love her, but there are some shortcomings that I can overcome and change her.”

You can't re-educate a woman. Man is brought up in childhood. Parents.

In general, the task of re-education and alteration is most often given to those men who do not have due authority in the eyes of their women and are not honored with respect. After all, otherwise the woman herself would adapt to the man, therefore, there is no need to re-educate her.

This is the second reason why the “re-education of a woman” project is initially a failure.

I will show this with simple examples.

A young man complains that his wife very often disappears in nightclubs. He turns to the forum with the question of how to persuade her, to make her understand that in her position it is impossible to drag around the clubs, that she has a husband who needs her.

“About six months after the wedding, our life resembled paradise in a single Moscow apartment, and then gradually my mother began to ask for time off for discos in clubs. It's not for me to judge, it's a young thing, let it have fun, I thought. She's smart, I thought. Looking back now, I realize that I gave up then. At first she went there once a month, then she began to go every weekend, and the night from Saturday to Sunday she usually spent not at home, but in the club, she came and immediately fell into bed, slept all day, it already became like a tradition. Week live norms, two days to hell. I began to withdraw more money from the card, much more.

The next thing that alerted me was the appearance of a girlfriend, a typical inhabitant of Moscow clubs. I expressed my opinion about my friend, in response, mine began to defend her zealously, saying that she was a decent girl and she had a husband, etc. This very friend began to hang around with us often, she came to eat, then she could even collapse in the morning with her wife. Once again, I tactfully offered this friend to leave, she left, and the wife broke loose. For the first time I saw such aggression, screaming like crazy, like I don’t respect her friends.”

The problem, as is often the case, is the woman's priorities. A normal, sane woman does not even need to be explained that her husband and his interests come first, and constant night club parties are not for a married woman at all. In the above example, it is useless to persuade the wife, it is useless to explain something to her, there is no point in swearing, arguing. This woman does not understand the BASIC things that should be laid down in childhood.

For this woman, the authority of a comrade is significantly higher than the authority of her man, and hanging out in nightclubs is much more important than her “family” life. She has a man according to the residual principle, he is only a supplier of means for HER pleasures. Can this woman be re-educated? No. Her priorities and attitudes in the plane of relations with her man are initially vicious.

Here is a second example:

“I'm 22, she just turned 23. We've been dating for 9 months. 2 months ago, having taken her from Moscow, we moved to Nizhny Novgorod. At first everything was ok. And right now, it's shit. Parents are normal, the family is adequate, patriarchal, quite prosperous. On marriage, she spins be healthy. It feels like she just needs a bruise. Pretty tough jealous of everyone indiscriminately

"You're limiting me." He hit the hat (so far verbally) for buying cosmetics for 1.5k without my knowledge. Financial position not super yet, so the waste is significant. We are both working. The budget is under my control, but she has cash. I say "if something does not suit you - go to your mother." Puffs, but does not go. I also try to limit communication with one subject that is suspicious for me - he also kicks with the phrase "you are not my husband, you forbid me

There are periodic statements like "I don't owe you anything", "I live as I want" and "I have to live one day

It turns out that "the husband must give salary to his wife." This is her comrades at work sang.

From the foregoing follows a kind of general "I do not need you." Question to the comrades: what did I do wrong? Send on ... or somehow educate to try?

The seal in the passport is more important than the interests of a man. Manipulations aimed at moving a man to the registry office. Extortion, “wiring” for gifts. Emphasized “independence” from a man, both as a means of coercion to the registry office (“I’m not your wife yet”), and as a touch on the future life.

Is it possible to change the main motives of this woman in relation to the author of the message? Obviously not. No matter how you educate this woman, but if her basic goals with this man are formed, only decorative temporary improvements and a “demo version” for a month or two are possible. She simply cannot treat this man otherwise.

The illusory prospect of re-educating a woman is one of the most frequent and insidious mistakes of modern men.

“You can bring up a woman in such things: take out the trash, close the tube of pasta, put sugar in your tea.

But you can not "re-educate" her basic motives in relation to you. And these motives are TRANSPARENT: a consumer attitude towards a man, “I am at the center of the universe, he is not a servant”, “he owes me everything”, “my Wishlist is above all”, etc.”

If a man shows a certain determination in changing the behavior of a woman, and a woman feels the man's readiness to break off relations in which she is very interested, then the woman will inevitably accept HIS rules. But if she doesn't, then why is she so close? - do not hide from this honest question.

A man must clearly understand that if a woman loves a man, cherishes him, respects him and proceeds from the long-term perspective of life with this man, then she herself will try very hard to behave correctly even without any educational rods.

Is there anything in a woman that needs to be corrected or corrected? Of course. It is quite possible to teach a woman to put as much sugar in your tea as you are used to. She can be trained to enter your office without knocking. But even these small, “decorative” suggestions require very important condition: a woman should cherish you, respect you. She must want to be yours.

Outcome. I really do not advise men to waste time, energy and nerves on some educational programs. Just change woman. After all women should benefit a man and increase the comfort of his life - otherwise why are they needed? Remember: you cannot re-educate an adult aunt.