For some reason, for many people, as soon as you mention the beginning of a new relationship, an amazing ability to give all sorts of advice immediately activates. A woman who has been single for ten years now can stubbornly ignore this factor, distributing “secrets”, “advice” and “worldly wisdom” to the right and left, designed to maintain and improve relationships.

And if it is not difficult to dismiss such advice (after all, you never know who is talking), then it is not easy to get rid of the “folk wisdom”, which seems to have been formed by whole generations. For some reason, some people tend to consider long-formed postulates as an indisputable truth, even if in reality it is, pardon the pun, the most ordinary "foolish wisdom."

It is possible and necessary to resist this layer of "bad advice". We collected information and made a selection of three “wisdoms” that you should never believe in: learn about them and do not let them destroy your relationship.

“A husband does not leave a good wife”

Most likely, such a wording is intended to nurture a sense of guilt and a whole bunch of complexes in a woman who, for some personal reason, was abandoned by her husband. Many women try to please their spouse, but, unfortunately, few people understand one thing. simple thing: it is impossible to please everyone and everyone. With "to please the husband" - exactly the same story: there are husbands who can find fault even with an ideal woman.

If you often hear such statements after breaking up with your husband, you need to stop such behavior in the bud: you still didn’t have enough to worry about and blame yourself for the divorce. Believe me: a husband will leave a good wife if he really wants to. You don’t have to spend your whole life adjusting to other people’s tastes and expectations.

"If you love, let go"

This phrase is used by both ordinary people and bad screenwriters, trying to come up with a reason for the next (tenth in a row) parting of the characters in a series or film. The idea behind this phrase, of course, sounds noble and logical: to hold by force a partner who is trying to leave is unthinkable for loving person deed.

Nevertheless, this phrase can not always be guided by: letting go of a person in peace is only a small part of what you can do if your relationship is in danger of breaking up soon. Letting go, of course, is easier, but whether it’s better is already a question. We believe that true love should at least try to fight. Only if you didn’t succeed, you should admit your defeat with dignity and let go of your loved one.

“It’s her own fault that she climbed under a hot hand”

The top three of the most absurd “wisdom” is completed by this magnificent justification of violence in a couple: it’s your own fault that you climbed under the “hot” hand, next time you will be more careful and not stick your head if the husband or boyfriend is not in a good mood.

It is not entirely clear why “wisdom” in this case justifies the fighter, shifting all the blame on the woman who appeared unsuccessfully nearby: this is at least illogical. It must be understood that such "wisdom" is simply contrary to common sense. So if you are faced with violence in a relationship, you should not blame yourself, but run away from such a “gift of fate” as far as possible until he has done something irreparable.

As you can see, the “folk wisdom” that people have been repeating for centuries is far from always true: in some cases, it can turn out to be not only useless and wrong, but also destroy your relationship if you follow it.

If you still want a happy relationship, stop listening to other people's advice: someone else's experience is unlikely to suit you, because each situation is unique. But it’s definitely worth getting acquainted with the 10 secrets of strong love: most likely, at least something from our universal list will work in your case.

Tell us what you think about such “wisdom”: have you ever encountered similar statements from others? Did they ruin your relationship?

Any person in life necessarily happens either very good events that you want to experience again and again, or very bad events that you want to forget about, but resentment or shame does not allow you to do this.

If the events are pleasant, then the memories will be warm, but they can cause a feeling of regret that the past cannot be returned or repeated. But it is much worse if you have troubles that hurt you very much, offended you, which cause a feeling of bitterness and annoyance ...

If you are an assertive person, purposefully moving towards achieving certain peaks (even if you just strive for homeliness and comfort), then you will often encounter causticity, envy, lack of understanding and support. And maybe even face meanness and setups.

These are extremely unpleasant things in life, but they are eternal companions. successful people and this should be taken lightly.

Why am I doing all this. The fact is that any events, both good and bad, affect our actions. Subconsciously or consciously, but somehow by itself it turns out to “scroll” the events of the past days in my head. And if these are also bad events, then emotions can interfere very much normal life, thinking, performing planned tasks, and simply affect performance.

For example, problems in personal life can "unsettle" for quite a long period of time. In addition, because of this, priorities, values ​​and desires can change. And it’s not a fact that everything will be fine, sometimes, under the influence of emotions, you can do things that will later be excruciatingly painful to remember.

Our life in the present is more often perceived as past experience, which is the main misperception and gives rise to many restrictions, stereotypes and beliefs that prevent success. Only those who live in the present tense truly live.

Why are we so attached to the past? Because it was good there? And who told you that it couldn't be better? Why is it so difficult to live in the present and shape your future as you wish?

Your past is an untold treasure trove of learning material. Experience is not good or bad, it is part of your life. Based on past experience, it is necessary to draw conclusions about how to act in order to get the desired result, how not to act under any circumstances, and so on. The present is formed today and does not depend on what happened yesterday. Both the past and the present are made by us ourselves, even if someone treats us differently than we would like.

You decide which memories you leave and which ones you delete from the archives of your memory. Do not try to forcefully forget your past, so you can only run away from yourself for a while, but sooner or later it will make itself felt. Believe me, it is impossible to force yourself to perceive the world differently. Even if there is an effect, it is temporary and not what we would like.

Try to accept what happened as a fact. Yes, it was. Yes, it was good (or bad). But life goes on. goals, plans, official duties, responsibility, after all, have not gone away. Perhaps you will meet people who participated in those events, but take them as acquaintances and nothing more. Do not try to start a conversation with them about the past, do not. Perhaps memories will give a positive charge of energy, but not for long, but later a feeling of regret may appear. And it will last much longer than the positive emotional charge from memories.

Let go of the past. If it is yours, then it will come back to you.

Realize your importance. Realize that no one knows more about you than yourself. Who else, no matter how you let go of the past and use it for your own purposes. Memories are only yours, thoughts are also yours, you make choices and actions yourself.

Go ahead, do not drag the anchor behind you, which along the way collects unnecessary rubbish. One day, you will not have enough strength, and you will stop with this anchor, and you will not be able to go forward. It is about such people that they say: he died at 30, and was buried at 76.

If you are destined to meet again with events from your past, then you will meet. Yours will return. Like a boomerang.

Do not drag the past behind you, give the opportunity to circumstances to change. Then there will be an opportunity to experience again important events exactly the result you want. Remember: if it is yours, it will return!

By the way, a couple of tips on how you can let go of your past:

1. Remove from sight everything that reminds you of those events. I'm not saying throw it away, I'm asking you to take it away. Away.

2. The following exercises help well: ask yourself questions that torment you daily and answer them honestly. Better in writing.

3. Try to remember what you can learn from what happened. There was at least something that could be changed, improved.

4. Try to find something useful, good in everything that has passed. After all, if you hold on to the past, you miss your present and future. You can mentally, but preferably write down in writing all the advantages of the fact that these events are already in the past.

5. For someone who is frustrated with past events, the next option is to relive it all. Just survive. To do this, take a piece of paper with a pen and start writing down all your jambs, humiliations, insults, misunderstandings, and so on, so on, so on. Of course, you can’t remember everything at once, but, grabbing one insult by the tail, another will emerge, then a third. And having experienced everything once again on paper, it is easier to cope with memory, forgive everything and let go. This method does not help everyone, but suddenly it will help you?

Remember, your life is in your hands.

Let go of the past, become better, more productive, and if something long gone is yours, it will return and you will be able to take matters into your own hands.

Be successful!

If you love - let go, if it is yours, then it will definitely return, if not, then it was never yours. and got the best answer

Answer from BEAUTY AND THE BEAST[guru]
The phrase may be wonderful, but I rarely met in my life that someone was holding or trying to keep someone. And why, in fact, if people have become strangers, and if they have not yet managed to become strangers ... they have only just seen that they are completely different and strive to keep .... who, why and who will feel better from this ... I think to no one. So why waste time and fool each other's head... or even worse... one fools, and the other one... it's embarrassing to say... ENOUGH, DON'T FUCK ME, THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT NEEDED!!
Source: Kind))

Answer from Georg Makarov[active]
Of course of course. Dear ladies! To whom, to whom, but you know, it is a disastrous thing to "achieve" you. I’ll write my favorite “quote”: “oh girls, Vovka is such a bastard, I constantly cry because of him, but I forgive him all the time ... what should I do. And Vasechka, he is such a good, decent boy, he doesn’t drink and works ... he loves me, but I don’t have him ... ". Who's chasing who here? ;)

Answer from devaluation[expert]
All the same, this is a consolation for a broken heart. When they leave, I really want to believe it.

Answer from ADIDAS[active]
If the FAVORITE girl left the guy for another, then returned and he accepted her - he is the last weak-willed schmuck. And whoever says they say you can forgive one or an old man who despairs or that amoeba about which I wrote. You have to be a maximalist. If Juliet left Romeo and then returned, would their love be considered so high???? IMHO

Answer from Irony[guru]
The words belong to the Colombian writer Gabriel Garcia Marquez.
And this is not a method, but the art of love, for real love knows how to let go of a loved one without sticky attachment and dependence, allowing him to be free in his choice and happy, even without us...

Answer from Igor[active]
When you truly love, you really wish your loved one happiness and are ready to let go ... And you yourself confuse bliss from that. that he is happy. It is written: And as you want to be treated, so are you .... "How would you like him to act in such a situation? Accordingly, and ....

Answer from Yoerenky[active]
It all depends on who you love. If your partner, let go, if yourself, then no.

Answer from Victor Prokopiev[newbie]
Golden Quote! How many times he himself disagreed with his girlfriend through her fault, forgave her and again everything started anew. Well, we live with her for a while and again she leaves, then everything repeats again. And so for a year and a half. And every time it gets worse and worse worse relationship became. Naturally, I loved her very much, but she apparently did not, or perhaps only the first time. She essentially used my feelings for her, and nothing more. These, I think, need to be let go and keep your door closed. Otherwise, it turns out that both of us are fooling each other. The last time after she left, I quarreled with her so that she forgot about me and where I live. Although I still love her, I know that nothing will work out with her attitude to everything.
When you love, it seems to women that you are weak and consider your love for them as your humiliation. Like running after her, doing everything for her, and here and there with her, and so on and so forth. That's why they don't give a damn about you.
As the famous poet said:
"How less woman we love,
The easier it is for her to like us."

Answer from Just Irina))[guru]
Nonsense method.
Only those who give up, let everything take its course ... in general, only losers do this.

Answer from --_-- [active]
Here she is gone... it hurts so much. Let go... it hurt, but I couldn't go on. Got up - decided - left. Everything was beautiful and gentle. sensual...

Answer from Larisa Lo[guru]
In this phrase - wisdom, proven by life.

Answer from Yörgey[guru]
for love you have to fight, do not renounce loving)

Answer from User deleted[guru]
I came to this decision. She let go, it was necessary and now we are together.
He can't live without me, and I can't live without him.
But situations in life are different and people are also different.
Maybe someone can't let go...
Or maybe they just don't want to...
In the life of each of us there is one person whom we can never let go and there is one person who will never let us go.

Answer from orange paradise[guru]
Nonsense, tried it, returned, but anyway, as it was not mine, it did not become it ...

Answer from Yoovushka[guru]
Actually, that's my motto...
I'm serious...

Love is in the heart, in the soul. To open up to her, it is not necessary to keep the object on a leash, nearby. Pure true love at a distance it only intensifies, because it is unconditional and not tied to any words and deeds.

There is one underestimated kind of love that requires great courage, honesty with yourself and inner maturity. True love is manifested in letting go in time. Release the departed Better World loved ones, yesterday's lovers, friends, children, students, a favorite thing that you have already outgrown or even a thing that no longer carries anything for you.

If you love, let go

From year to year, we cling to obsolete relationships, causing suffering to ourselves and our partners. y, and for some reason calling it all love.

In such situations, we are held by anything, but not love.! This is mainly selfishness, the habit of satisfying one's needs with the help of another, a comfort zone in which it is not at all comfortable, but everything is known, which means it is habitual and safe, it is clear how to interact with it.

It takes a very wise, pure and determined heart to one day look at the situation and understand that the relationship has already outlived itself. Take on all the pain from such a discovery, cry, mourn him. Calm yourself and your panicky thoughts: "but how will I be without this relationship? What will happen to ME?"....

I have been on both sides of a protracted relationship many times, but mostly the one who kept ... Who did not want to see that with my "pseudo-love" I only bring torment to a person who is already ready to go further along the path of his fate, but lingers next to me only out of a sense of guilt imposed on him and "responsibility for those who have been tamed."

It was not always and not immediately that I was able to appreciate the wisdom of those people who did not hold me back, but sincerely wishing me happiness, let me go in time, without showing me that their heart was bleeding at that moment - so as not to awaken a feeling of guilt in me and not interfere with being happy.

Now I understand how much pure Love and inner strength there really was in this!

Love is in the heart, in the soul. To open up to her, it is not necessary to keep the object on a leash, nearby. Pure sincere love at a distance only intensifies, because it is unconditional and not tied to any words and deeds.

You need to believe in the wisdom of fate, which sometimes breeds people precisely for this - in order to teach them to love, overcoming the childish possessive attitude: I love you, so you are only mine!

As in a children's joke:

Masha, who do you love?
- Mom, dad, grandmother and chicken leg!

If you love, let go. In time. After all, the farther, the more tortuous and painful the twists of fate, the more suffering the parting will go through.

Love is possible outside of time and distance, it is a manifestation of the energy of the Creator, something much larger than this World. And no physical measurements over it are not powerful.

Let go - loved ones, friends, children, girlfriends. Let them live their own lives with joy and gratitude.

This is the great Feat of Love - Let go, as once the Creator himself let us go into this World ... published .

Tamara Arkhipova

If you have any questions, ask them

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