Relations with a man is one of the most important facets of female self-realization. Being loved and loving yourself are very natural states. Women dream of a happy marriage and family. They dream that a man will protect them from external threats, protect and take care of them. But in reality, it happens that a man begins to pose a threat to family members and injure his loved ones.

IN Russian families many women are subjected to domestic violence and, unfortunately, face aggressive behavior husband. Not always it can be expressed through assault. This may be emotional and psychological aggression, pressure and control directed by a man towards more " weak " - wives, children. Domestic despotism and tyranny are sometimes the norm of family life in some couples. Women, as beings more subtle and gentle in their essence, sometimes have a very difficult time experiencing such an experience of family life. At the beginning of a relationship, they tend to give "credit of trust" to the chosen one and believe that over time everything "endure - fall in love".

It is not always easy for a woman to recognize a potential tyrant and despot in her future husband. A very powerful projection of a strong and protective figure (sometimes the Father, sometimes the Teacher) and through them the Masculine Divine Principle comes to the beloved man in our subconscious. But as soon as a man shows his tyrannical nature several times in a row (begins to severely suppress, limit, splash out aggression on a woman, etc.), she instantly loses her inner support. A woman, having experienced the cruelty of her husband, can often experience a state of guilt and shame, because she is "some kind of not like that", if "God" is so angry with her. When she gets married, a woman expects love, support, respect and her own flowering, but ... sometimes ... she finds humiliation, fear and feelings of complete suppression of herself and her essence. Of course, there is no need to talk about any true female happiness in such a state.

In this article, my colleagues, female psychologists, and I want to reveal to you an understanding of the causes of the situation that has arisen in your life and, in general, the nature of male aggression. Women often come to us who have become victims of male suppression and emotional and psychological humiliation, criticism, aggressive breakdowns, hyper-control. Most often, these are women who are already long time are in a relationship like " victim-aggressor" . Before asking for help, they somehow found the strength to endure and accept such behavior and attitude from the tyrant husband. They could be in a long marriage, in the hope that their man will change, soften, become more respectful of them, be more reserved, and in the hope that they, as women, will cope with this situation, being a good wife / lover / mother / hostess, and all the time working on themselves ... They found that in its essence a man does not change, "it only gets worse"... With the age of the spouses, this situation only gets worse. As practice shows, most of the time in a couple where a man injures loved ones with his despotism, a woman lives in fear of her husband, in fear of being herself, expressing her desires, in fear of losing relationships and in a state of deep inner depression and inability to protect herself and loved ones. It is important to understand that there are men who literally have tyranny in their blood. It's like a disease. A woman needs to diagnose this in time in order to understand how to behave with her husband, in order to stop destroying herself in a relationship and be able to stop his tyranny in a timely and competent manner.

Relations " victim-executioner"- this is a certain scenario of co-dependent relationships that both partners choose. Let's look at how a tyrant man manifests himself in behavior, and how a woman feels, having allowed such a relationship in which she has become a "victim".

How to understand that your husband is a tyrant and despot?

• He is always trying to put you in a position dependent on him: material, social, psychological, emotional: "You can't do it without me!"
• He is not happy with everything and forces you to do what you do not want at all: "Do what I said! As I said, and when I said!".
• He will always find something to complain about. He often says that - "You're doing everything wrong!"… You don’t clean your apartment like that, you cook it like that, you don’t sit like that, you don’t talk like that, you don’t make love like that.
• He criticizes your appearance, your taste: "Take it off immediately!" . He may even prohibit wearing makeup, heels, jewelry. Guides how you should look, even if you go to an event without it or just go for a walk/shop.
• He makes fun of you all the time, gives offensive nicknames - "Pig, look at you!" You try to convince him not to do it, but he reassures you that he is not doing anything wrong.
• He rarely fulfills what he promised you, accusing you of not wanting to do it because of your behavior, but he requires 100% return and fulfillment of promises from you.
• He closes your mouth with a cry with the words: "Shut up!", "Don't piss me off!".
• He criticizes all your passions and hobbies, the books, movies you watch and much more that has to do with your lifestyle: "Well, what are you doing there again?! Come here!"
• It restricts your communication with your girlfriends, so that as a result you do not communicate with anyone. It announces a ban on bachelorette parties, gatherings and tries in every possible way to pull you out of your usual circle of relatives and friends. Often he can tell you that they do not really appreciate and do not like you, but only he really treats you well.
• He categorically opposes you to work. Your attempts to do what you love lead to regular scandals, and you have to defend your right to work and your personal earnings all the time.
• It devalues ​​your life experience, achievements, education, talents and abilities.
• It restricts your personal freedom and tries to make you completely at home. "Again you are going somewhere (to courses, trainings, to a friend), but what about household chores, children, me ?!"
• He calls every half an hour and is very nervous or swears if you do not pick up the phone or do not pick it up immediately, but a few seconds after his call and call back later: "Why do you need a phone!?!" — he shouts regularly into the phone ...
• He makes a list of tasks for you, and if you do not fulfill them, he punishes you emotionally, depriving you of money, depriving you of his attention, intimacy, canceling joint plans, etc.
• He insults you, regularly says unpleasant and offensive things, including obscene language. They can pour out an uncontrolled stream of abuse on loved ones, including children.
• He loves to go shopping with his wife because any thing must be bought under his control and supervision.
• He loves to talk about his illnesses, but they really don’t like when his loved ones get sick, especially his wife.
• He always makes remarks and gives prohibitions: "Don't go there!", "Don't run!", "Don't scream!".
• He is fixated on his own person and in love with himself. His interests are more important than the interests of others, and he builds relationships in such a way that all family members begin to obey and serve him.
• He is useless in everyday life - you can’t ask him to help or do something around the house.
• He only cares about his pleasure in sex. He does not care about the feelings of his wife, and if she did not experience an orgasm with him, then she is to blame. So she is frigid. He only has sex when he wants to. May reject his wife, deprive him of physical intimacy, or persuade him to have sex, regardless of the desire of his wife.
• He may have addictions to food, alcohol, gambling, the Internet, drugs, pornography, and sexual perversion.
• He suffers from frequent mood swings and emotional incontinence (unpredictable). You never know what his reaction to expect in the next moment, what will please him, what will upset him.
• He strives to always have the last word and insists on this in every possible way.
• He is always right, peremptory and categorical in his judgments. "It will be as I said!".
• He does not tolerate when they argue with him, when his wife expresses her opinion, different from his.
• He has very conservative views on the family (domostroy, patriarchy).
• He is jealous out of the blue. Forbids hugging and friendly kissing with other men, accepting their signs of attention and compliments.
• He used to take all the best for himself (to choose the best place, where to sit down, take the most delicious piece of the dish for yourself, spend money on yourself first of all).
• He deprives a woman of her own money, may take away what she has earned for family needs and/or cut off her earning opportunities.
• He constantly asserts himself at the expense of his wife and children, showing that without him they could not do anything on their own: "You exist only because of me!"
• He does not tolerate the superiority of a woman in any matters. God forbid, a woman achieve some professional and financial success and recognition. Everything will be instantly discounted.
• He tries to establish total control over all family members in all matters (what to eat, when to sleep, with whom and when to communicate, where to travel ...).
• He keeps track of expenses, can check receipts from the store, counts everything to the penny. Often indicates that his wife is not frugal and spends too much.
• He does not understand the feelings of his wife and all the time says that what she feels is nonsense. “It seemed to you that you thought up everything for yourself!”, “We are doing well, what are you not happy with yet?”, “I already do everything for you, what else do you need?” .
• He constantly imposes his will. Always believes he knows what is best for others.
• It forbids discussing your family relationships and conflicts with anyone (relatives, friends, psychologists) under the pretext - "Do not take dirty linen out of the hut!"
• He forbids receiving the help of psychologists, going to trainings. If he lets go, he either tightly controls where his wife goes, or independently chooses a therapist and pays for appointments.
• He tries with all his might to keep his wife and children near him, telling everyone around him how much he loves them: "I'm doing all this solely for the good of the family!".
• He may begin to ridicule and criticize his wife in public.
• He can show physical violence and assault.
• He blames her for his reactions and says that - "You brought this on yourself!"

How to understand that you are the wife of a man of a tyrant and despot?

• You feel weak and depressed around him.
• You are often dull, joyless and faded like a woman.
• You don't feel like waking up in the morning.
• You don’t want anything at all, your libido tends to zero.
• You no longer feel attractive and desirable.
• You always feel that you are doing everything wrong.
• You feel guilty and constantly apologetic.
• You are always trying to calm him down.
• You lost all your girlfriends during your marriage to him.
• You feel used after sex and feel heartache and resentment.
• You have forgotten how to act independently and make decisions.
• You feel like a dumb slave who should follow his instructions well.
• You close yourself off from the admiring attention of other men, fearing his wrath.
• You don’t work, you don’t study, you don’t do your favorite hobbies, because he forbids you from it.
• You do not have your own source of financial income and can save money only in secret from your husband. If the husband found the stash, a scandal happens and the money is taken away..
• You are afraid of your husband's return home - you do not know what his reaction to expect to any of your words or actions.
• You feel emotionally completely devastated after a quarrel with your husband.
• You feel like in the army - you must meekly obey any orders.
• You experience animal fear in relation to your husband.
• You do not feel emotionally secure in your couple.
• You are sure that you deserve this attitude.

Fear and impotence of the victim - the main goal of a man - a tyrant

Now it is very important for you to understand whether your husband is really a tyrant and despot, or he has the usual aggressive outbursts and manifestations of emotions characteristic of many men. You can draw a conclusion about this from the list of signs of despotic behavior in the family of a man and your sense of self next to him, as a woman.

Not only the insecure "gray mouse" can turn into a victim of a tyrant. Among the women whose will was suppressed by tyrant husbands are very beautiful, educated women, successful business women, singers, actresses and even psychologists. As a rule, male tyrants can be at first very courteous and charming, caring and brilliant. They easily create the impression that others expect from them. Often very charismatic, and able to charm, and easily subjugate to their will - sometimes there is a feeling that such a man has hypnotized you.

Often a woman comes for help already in a state where she has reached the bottom of self-abasement and exhaustion. Questions in her eyes "How can I be?", "How can I survive?", "How can I save myself?"

One option she may consider breaking free from the "captivity" of such a relationship is to get a divorce, end the relationship, and gain freedom. This is one of the possible solutions to this situation. If life has become completely unbearable, and you can no longer live in constant defense, tension and expectation of a blow from a loved one, sometimes there is only one way out - to leave. Think and answer the question for yourself: "Is it worth hoping for the healing of her husband?"

If you decide to keep the family, there is another option - actively resist domestic tyranny. Here it is important to learn in a timely manner to stop any attempts to humiliate and insult you and to bring up his best qualities in your husband. Let's consider-

the reasons for the manifestation of male aggression and tyranny in relations with you and ways to correct the current situation

• You encourage his tyranny, aggressiveness. You accept all his remarks, criticism, insults and meekly carry out orders and assignments. Perhaps you think that there is care behind his control, and he gives you all the restrictions for your own good - after all, he does so much for you. It seems to you that he is teaching you to become a good wife, mother, housewife. Recommendation: it is important to learn how to competently and timely stop any tyranny of a husband. Do not follow his demands, learn to calmly and confidently say no. Do not approach quickly after litter and insults, no matter what gifts and curtsies he makes. It is important to make it very clear and show that you are uncomfortable and that it is unacceptable to treat you this way. If necessary, take a break in the relationship (you can stay with relatives or friends), and until he comes to you to ask for forgiveness.
• You are afraid of the manifestation of male aggression. By this we mean rudeness, anger, screaming, anger, criticism, emotional breakdowns, "male tantrums", insults, irritation. Sometimes such an experience is given to a woman so that she learns to accept male aggression and calmly respond to it without fear of a man. Let's look into the nature of male aggression. Tears help a woman cope with stress. A man helps to cope with stress - an expression of aggression. Sometimes a man screams because he does not feel that he is understood and heard. Recommendation: you need to learn to accept male aggression as energy, without being destroyed, without letting it into your Soul and Heart. Learn to defend. Respect and appreciate yourself. Don't let us wipe our feet. Start expressing your desires. Stop being a victim and learn to protect yourself as a woman from the destructive power of this energy. To do this, it is important to gain support on your inner core, it is important to develop your Inner Man and understand how to interact with male energy. Tantric practices can teach this. To accept male emotions, it is important for a woman to learn to express and accept her aggressiveness. Learn to not be afraid to show your strong emotions - to express anger, anger, irritation, resentment. For the ecological expression of such vivid and strong emotions in psychology, there are various techniques (I-message") and practices of emotional response, body-oriented therapy.
• You are afraid of losing your husband. Divorce fear. In this situation, a woman with a disturbed self-esteem and an "abandoned" trauma can go to any humiliation, endure and accept any insults, so long as he does not leave. And the husband can regularly manipulate it. Recommendation: never fall for the manipulation that he will leave you. This is just intimidation, for the sake of intimidation and subjugation of one's will. Most likely, he is more afraid of losing you than you are, but he himself often manipulates his departure or divorce from you in any quarrel or conflict. Usually this includes a powerful trauma, "that you are abandoned" - and the woman is ready to automatically do everything so that he does not leave. Here the biggest lesson is learning not to be afraid of losing your partner. If the fear of loss is very strong (father or mother left you, beloved man) - it will not be so easy to overcome it alone. In psychology, there are many methods that help to let go of the traumas of the past - this is RPT therapy, psychotherapy. Develop trust in God. Believe that you are worthy of your man's respect and a happy relationship.
• You feel like a victim of your relationship. A woman feels like a victim of an established relationship. Relations go according to the "victim-executioner" scenario. A woman broadcasts that she can be humiliated - she has internal permission for men to do this to her. And since "The World is a Mirror," he simply shows her her beliefs about herself in the form of her husband's reactions and behavior. Perhaps she once experienced the experience of "humiliation" from her parents, other men, and all this lowered her self-esteem so much that the current situation seems to her the norm. Recommendations: here it is very important to see your subconscious programs, attitudes, beliefs about yourself. It is important to begin to increase your female self-esteem. See where you yourself humiliate yourself voluntarily. Begin the path to connecting with your Sense of Self. To increase self-esteem, you can do the exercise "40+" - write in a beautiful notebook a list of more than 40 of your talents, virtues, strengths, victories, accomplishments and achievements - everything that you can be proud of. Keep adding to the list and re-reading it from time to time. This will give you the opportunity to connect with your resources and help you start the path to the state of the Mistress of your life, the Mistress of your destiny. Women's therapy groups are also very helpful in this, long-term women's trainings, where you gradually learn a new attitude towards yourself as a Woman. You start to sound like a woman who deserves the very best in herself. As a result, your behavior changes and, as a result, the attitude of your environment towards you.
• You consider yourself weak and that you cannot cope without your husband. Such a woman is given a man who seems strong to her. He provides, protects, cares for, takes responsibility for her, for the children, but at the same time allows himself to belittle her abilities. Convinces her that she can do nothing without him. Such experiences can be given so that a woman finds her core, begins to engage in her own development, begins to earn money and begins to appreciate herself for what she represents. Recommendations: despite the criticism and comments of your husband, start doing what you like (work, hobbies, communication). Let's evaluate our results only to those who can evaluate them: 1) impartially: colleagues, supervisors and 2) with support: people who, in principle, will not criticize you at the beginning of your journey. Find those who believe in you more than yourself (your mentors, teachers-mentors) and communicate more with them on the topics of your development. Life here can test you to follow your destiny no matter what. Find the opportunity to do things you love, regardless of the circumstances and opinions of others. Here it is important not to prove your right to life, but to deeply connect with your right to create and develop. Then another energy will come from you, and there will be nothing left for those around you, how to calmly accept it. Start earning money on your own and invest it in your development, education and your favorite business right now.
• You are emotionally dependent on your husband. One day, my therapist said to me a very profound phrase: "Love is either there, or it stretches". Everything that concerns the second part with the word "stretches" is already attachment or dependence. This is often the type of relationship "love-addiction", when "It's terrible together, but they can't live without each other", where "it's one step from love to hatred". The victim becomes dependent on his aggressor, and even the subconscious mind may sound the idea "hit means love". Most likely, he taught you to depend on his mood and "care". Recommendation: see what your relationship is based on? How do you depend on your husband, and what price do you pay for it? Find an opportunity to find inner freedom in your couple and lay the foundation of respect and trust in the relationship. Allow yourself to feel and desire what you want and have your own mood, regardless of the state of your partner. This happens not just in a relationship with a tyrant husband, because. he will try all the time to unbalance you in order to feast on your precious energy when you can’t stand it and break into hysterics. Meditation and relaxation will help you. Your husband, without knowing it, can push you to growth and self-development. Next to him, you can perfectly master the art of managing your emotions.
• You don't know how to set boundaries. Has a man come into your life who violates boundaries all the time with his reactions and behavior? A woman here very often herself allows her husband "wipe your feet" and intrude where he should not go - on her "women's territory". She often herself allows him to do what she dislikes in relation to her. Most likely out of fear of provoking his wrath. Since he is a husband - he took responsibility, provides, gives shelter, food, takes care of her and the children - it means that he can do anything. Recommendation: learn to set boundaries competently, even in relationships with any and close people. Find an opportunity to get your "women's territory"- do not let him into your closet, into your cosmetic bag, into communication with your girlfriends, into the kitchen while cooking, into your meditations, hobbies and other female practices. In order for a male tyrant to respect you, you need to become a person again with your own interests and priorities. Calmly and confidently do not let him on your "Women's Territory" and gradually he will feel your boundaries.
• You yourself provoke your husband to aggression towards you. You are swift, agile, fast, strong, confident and not used to agreeing with anyone. Sometimes women themselves provoke a man to aggression, internally deep down they really do not respect and love their man. Curbing your aggressive, militant feminine nature is not so easy. Sometimes women may, in principle, not respect the Masculine Principle. Often they openly argue, compete, answer, try to have the last word with them. They can be naturally obstinate by nature (Artemis) and all the time they try to humiliate a man, sometimes even unconsciously, with their remarks and sarcasm. A man naturally ceases to see a woman in her, and at the energy level he sees a man. And he begins to "talk like a man" with her, and this is often aggressive. Recommendations: learn not to argue with your husband and show him that he is the head of the family. The female tantra can tell you about the interaction of male and female energies in a pair. It helps to understand the energy kitchen of the relationship between a man and a woman and learn how to manage your energies. You can find a more pleasant use of this energy than constant swearing and arguing.
• You do not know how to talk to your partner so that he hears you. Many women simply have not mastered the art of talking to their man properly. There is a female voice, a tone, certain words that a woman says and a certain state in which she says it - which awaken the most ugly reactions in a man. The higher the natural level of aggressiveness in a man, the faster and easier he will answer you, especially if he is a tyrant by nature. Recommendations: if your style of communication in a couple has not been formed in the best way, find an opportunity to learn how to speak with your man in such a way as to inspire him and soothe him with your voice. This is taught in many women's trainings and courses.
• It seems to you that he will change and heal if you work well on yourself. In a relationship, it is very important to learn to accept a partner. There is every chance that it will never change, as well as the fact that changes will occur in it. If a woman expects her man to change, he feels it and often resists this process. The man concludes that she does not accept him for who he is. And this is one of the basic male needs. A woman's desire for him to change can cause rebellion and protest. And as a result - aggression as a defense of their male territory and the right to be themselves. Recommendations: work on yourself for yourself, and not for the sake of changes in your chosen one. Tell yourself "My man can always be the way he is now". What would happen if he was always like this? Are you ready to be with him if he never changes and for how long? Face it, listen to your body's reactions to this information, and write down everything you felt.
• You get unconscious hidden benefits from this situation. A woman can remain in a relationship with a tyrannical husband and continue to endure what is deeply unpleasant for her, because she has hidden benefits. Let's look at what: status (she is married, she has a man, she uses his social position), money (partner provides for her and children, gives money, buys things), care (he solves her issues), the opportunity not to work (not to show yourself in society, you don’t need to do anything yourself), he loves her so much (what if another man won’t love her?), the habit of stability (routine, organization of life according to certain rules, everyday comfort) ... Recommendation: write down your hidden benefits and see what holds you especially strong in this relationship. Is there a place for love in them or just a habit of material comfort.
• You have fallen into the trap of the Vedic feminine. You listened to all the Vedic lectures on the topic of proper femininity and began to apply these principles at home, unquestioningly serve your husband and agree with him in everything, quit your job and put him on a pedestal. At the same time, his behavior became even more depraved from this, and he perceived your humility as an opportunity to easily manipulate you, continuing to subordinate you to his will. Recommendation: You can be the right woman, or you can be happy. Sometimes they are very different paths. Sometimes it's worth taking off the "Vedic cap" and showing yourself. The principles of Vedic femininity need to be very well understood in the context of modern times and each specific real couple. Not with all types of men and not in all situations they work unambiguously. If your husband turned out to be a classic tyrant and despot, your humility and all-acceptance can play a cruel joke on you. It has its own psychological laws, which are good to study in order to get out of addictive relationships and become truly happy woman.
• You are nothing. You quit your job, stopped doing your favorite hobby, lost all your girlfriends and friends. Recommendation: find an opportunity to earn money, even if you are a mother of many children. A woman who earns and can live without a man is less likely to have to humiliate herself. She feels more confident and free. Be sure to engage in self-development and become interesting to yourself again.
• You allow yourself to be manipulated. You don't have to feel guilty about your interactions with friends, colleagues, your hobbies, your desire to get an education, and so on. Recommendation: no matter how difficult it is for you - start to get out of your shell, start communicating with new people, find opportunities to travel alone. Read The Artist's Way - it will give you inspiration to start doing what you want without feeling guilty about your desires and hobbies.
• You keep blaming yourself for everything. It is very easy for a woman to feel guilty by nature. And when her will has been suppressed for years, it is very difficult for her to start defending herself. Recommendation: Remember that responsibility in a relationship always lies with both partners equally. Stop blaming yourself for everything. Realize your responsibility in pairs, but do not take on too much.
• You hold on to the memories and continue to believe in his promises. You remember the good things that once were and hope that someday everything will work out. You continue to give him "credit of trust" and believe that someday he will do what he promised. Recommendation: Be realistic and take off your rose-colored glasses. There is only what is today "here and now". It is important to accept reality without embellishment and, based on this, draw conclusions about how you yourself want to live on. No love, no marriage is worth a broken life.
• You didn't know who you were marrying. Ignorance in choosing a partner is a very common cause of an unhappy marriage. It also happens that a woman agrees to marriage without a very deep understanding of the character, temperament and psyche of her man. A woman can choose an emotionally loose partner, thinking that he is bright and interesting. It is very important to become studying and observant here. Recommendations: look impartially at your man. Answer yourself the questions: "What kind of a man is he?". Study all his character traits, temperament, personality type. Such sciences as Astrology, S-theory (personality typology), Socionics, the theory of Male Archetypes, Numerology (knowledge about the purpose of a partner) are very helpful here. All this knowledge helps to draw a portrait of the chosen one "without embellishment." There are personality types that, in principle, have increased aggressiveness at the heart of their mental structure - for example, psychopathic and manic personality types (S-typology). In men, there is a strong Mars in the natal chart, which gives aggressiveness. There are men with the archetype of Poseidon (oligarchs, new Russians) ... It is natural for them to show aggression, it is common to criticize, insist on their own, teach others how to live, what to feel. Such men are often leaders, major executives, successful and influential businessmen, have a large supply of vitality and energy. They can easily suppress, hit back, influence, rule, implement their ideas. If they do not work on themselves in order to be more careful, sensitive and attentive in relations with loved ones, they can become tyrants and despots in family life. Here it is important to learn to understand their nature of choleric temperament, not to be offended by outbursts and learn to communicate with your husband in such a way that his storms and anger splash out on you minimally. It is not so easy. By studying your man more objectively, you can understand what you can get along with and what you can’t. It's important to be honest with yourself here. These directions will help to draw a portrait of your chosen one quite well. By studying yourself in this way, you can also understand your degree of compatibility and the tasks of the couple.
• You have not studied his family and do not know his "roots". Sometimes a man becomes a tyrant by following in the footsteps of his father and copying his behavior. If he was also a favorite in the family, then he grows up with a sense of permissiveness. Recommendation: carefully study who his parents were, where they come from, ask him about what was accepted in their family, how his childhood passed. Get to know your parents, siblings, if they are alive. It is very important to understand what gender you are entering when you get married. Male tyrants often repeat the behavior of their father towards their mother. They absorb it from childhood. Up to 5 years, the foundation of character and behavior is almost completely laid. Domestic tyranny could be inherited from a tough tyrant father who was an authority in the family.
• Your husband is a karmic partner. You have already tried everything ... But the situation in the relationship does not change. In some cases, this may be a karmic relationship. Perhaps in the past you were an aggressor in relation to your husband and committed violence against him, or he caused you violence and this gives rise to your fear and position of the victim, to which he reacts aggressively. Recommendation: Seek help from psychologists. It can be quite difficult to see the underlying causes and untie the karmic knot without the help of a specialist. Karmic psychology works with these reasons (past life regression, karmic constellations, RPT - therapy). These techniques help at the level of the Soul to see the reason for your meeting and the true tasks in the relationship.

Before making a vital decision: "Leave or stay?" — take a few deep breaths and answer the following questions as honestly and sincerely as possible.

To do this, retire, relax and look into the depths of your Heart. Take a notebook and a pen. Divide the sheet into three parts. Write down all answers on paper.

• In the left column, write the answer to the question: "How do I feel as a woman now?"- (write your internal state, your reactions and the states in which you are, your appearance, your health, your lifestyle, self-awareness, etc.).
• In the middle - write - "What do I want to be? How do I want to feel like a woman?" What kind of relationship experience do I want to have?— (your inner state, level of joy, fullness, your appearance, your health, your lifestyle, etc.).
• On the right, write the answer to the question: "What can I do right now to be happy?"- (start taking care of yourself, go to women's courses, go to relax and take a break, change your lifestyle, start a new relationship ...).

As a summary, answer a few more questions outside the table:

• Why do I need the experience of being married to an abusive or tyrannical husband?
• What are the reasons for our pairing and creating a relationship like "victim-executioner"?
• Why do I continue to take the position of "victim" and stay in this relationship?

How to behave in case of aggressive and overwhelming behavior of the husband?

• Don't get into an argument and a skirmish when a man is emotional and turned on. Do not find out anything with him, do not take it personally. Let steam out. Talk to him and resolve issues only in a calm state.
• Leave the premises. Get out physically from the space where they shout at you and break down, take the children out of there. Return only when everything is calm and the steam comes out.
• Emotionally withdraw. Show that it hurts you, hurts you and can have consequences in the form of your distance. You can continue to wash dishes, clean the house, but you just turn off your feminine warmth and attention. Men feel this and want to return your good attitude, love and attention. Sometimes they may notice that they made you feel bad only when they feel that you are emotionally distant.
• Get back in touch with your power. As a rule, male tyrants are very insecure people, you can easily feel his weakness. Their aggression is compensation for an inferiority complex. As soon as you gain an inner core, you stop being afraid of losing it - it immediately feels your strength and steps back. Sometimes it is worth showing "claws" and "fangs".
• Learn to calmly say no and set boundaries. It is important for a woman to give herself the right to her well-being, her rest, her time, her hobbies, her money, her girlfriends ... Answer all claims confidently and calmly. Don't argue, just stay with your opinion.
• Take a break in a relationship. Sometimes a man realizes that he hurt you only when he feels that he can lose you. In emotionally difficult situations, it can be important to take a break and physically live separately for a while. You can go with your children to your mother, girlfriend, on vacation (even if it is 3-4 days, a week, a month). You can leave communication on everyday issues, on children in a businesslike tone, without being turned on by emotional warmth. It is very important to explain that you are tired of accepting such reactions and breakdowns from him, and this is no longer acceptable for you. If this behavior is repeated again, you can get away from it. To weigh everything and come to your senses, you need a pause. You don't know how long it will last. Ask him to review during this time all his reactions that hurt you. You will need to go through the fear of losing relationships in this pause and find an opportunity to restore your strength and resources. During this time, you will calmly, carefully and consciously understand how you want to proceed.

How to get away from a tyrant husband?

• Divorce is nothing to be ashamed of. In modern times, many women have the experience of divorce and sometimes more than one. Divorced and even those people who, as it seems to us, know everything about relationships - psychologists, coaches, masters and mentors. We all go through different experiences and sometimes you need to go through it with different partners. We in the Women's Dimension know a lot of women who found their happiness in a second or third marriage.
• Remember it's never too late to start over. We know couples who have joined at 40, 50, 60 years old and live very happily. For them, this is not the first union, not the first relationship, but they have gone the way the Soul needs, revealed in themselves those qualities that helped them find happiness in their personal lives and be happy in love.
• Take care of yourself financially. There is a wonderful book by Bodo Schaeffer "Money is good for women" - read it before talking with your husband about divorce. She will give you financial confidence and tell you how to create material support for yourself in order to feel better and more confident in free swimming without the support of a man.
• Take care of yourself mentally. Find an opportunity to receive emotional and psychological support during the divorce process among your loved ones, relatives, girlfriends, friends, psychologists. Do not be alone, seek help and support if you are having a hard time.
• Get over the fear of being alone. You can play all scenarios from the worst to the most neutral. This helps to live through virtual fears and still decide to take a step. And internally release your partner with all his resources and opportunities if you are not happy with him as a woman. Remember - Vasilisa the Wise was also captured by Koshchei the Immortal, but she gave her good fellow the opportunity to save her from captivity. In fact, she gained contact with her Power and divorced the tyrant Koshchei, left all his blessings with which he lured her into the underworld. As a result, she found her happiness with Ivan Tsarevich, passing the necessary tests to create a happy relationship and develop her wisdom.
• Find benefits in your divorce. The first of these is that you are leaving a relationship that regularly (every day) hurts you. If you feel that you no longer have the strength to endure, separation can be a healing medicine. In the beginning, you may be scared and you may be afraid to be alone right away - without support, without a husband, without status, without money, without his protection - this is normal. Take a break for yourself and in this pause feel what decision you want to make. Accumulate strength, stock up on internal resources and external support. This will give you strength and the ability to complete what you started.
• Remember - you are not alone. Know that you are not the only woman in the world who is having this experience. There are many women who have gone through it and were able to find themselves again and become happy.
• Awareness at the end of a relationship. It is very important to go through the process of ending a relationship consciously and make this decision carefully, without tantrums and emotions. Be respectful of the time you have dedicated to each other. Find an opportunity to thank your partner for the lessons they taught you. Sometimes, in order to come to a state of gratitude, you need to throw out and live all the pain that you experienced, let go and clean it out. Here the help of a psychologist can be invaluable. A specialist can help you go through such a difficult period as a divorce, as carefully as possible.
• Prepare your care in advance. It is important for you to start getting rid of the psychology of the "victim" in advance. Psychologists can help here. If your husband is a classic tyrant and despot, prepare for a divorce so that your husband does not suspect that you want to leave. Otherwise, he will try to take any steps not to let you go. It is better to leave when the husband is not at home. Pick up all the things you need in advance, because. there will be no other chance to do this and it is unlikely that he will give you anything after the divorce. As a rule, a tyrant husband limits a woman in money - start creating a financial airbag for yourself in advance and find an opportunity to earn money on your own. Start talking to other people. It is very good if you move in with someone from your family or friends who can support and protect you. Remember that the power of tyrants over wives is very strong and if you continue to communicate with him, he can convince you to stay with him or use violence and threats. Find ways to keep yourself safe.
• File for divorce. Beforehand, consult with lawyers on the division of property, registration of alimony for children. Also ask for advice on how you can protect yourself from your husband's threats. I recommend that you record any conversations with your husband after the announcement of a divorce.
• Seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist. After the divorce and the closing of all legal issues, it is important to properly go through all the stages of post-divorce depression. For a qualitative psychological disconnection and exit from the relationship, completely close or limit (in the case of joint children) your communication with your ex-tyrant husband. This will help you get your energy back out of the relationship, overcome attachment and dependency on his "care" and let go of your ex.

• Perhaps you it's time to really take care of yourself, give yourself proper time and attention, change attitudes towards yourself, learn how to communicate with your man correctly, set boundaries.
• Complete lessons. Perhaps your couple has those tasks that you can solve in this pair with this man. Many masters say that after leaving a relationship and not solving the necessary tasks in them, we get the same situations to work out with the next partner. Maybe it's time to let go of a hurtful past, forgive your husband for the humiliation and injury he has caused you, perhaps not realizing what he is doing, forgive yourself and find new way revealing himself as a woman next to him. There are amazing transformations of both partners when there is a deep understanding of the task that lies in the relationship of the couple.
• Do cleansing. Sometimes, in order to hear yourself, your true desires, you need to do a lot of work to clear all the accumulated emotional and psychological garbage. If you need help to understand yourself and the situation, you can always ask for it not only from relatives, but also from specialists: psychologists, women's coaches and mentors.
• be grateful. It is important to learn to be grateful for what your partner gives you as a woman. See what lessons you go through together as a couple, what you need to discover in yourself in order to become a truly happy woman next to this man.
• Return love to relationships. At Women's Dimension, we support the family values ​​of maintaining relationships and developing a couple, especially if you have children together. See what else you can do as a woman in your relationship, what needs to be cleared in them, what you need to learn as a woman, so that the energy of Love will flow between you again.

Dear Women!

Only you yourself can make a true choice with Heart and Soul and feel Your path in a couple.

I wish you to be brave and light on the way to your own happiness!

Absolute power and the prohibition of the existence of the opinion of the wife

This inclination is manifested in decision making. The husband is the head of the family, but he exercises his headship in the right way: with love and care. At the same time, he takes into account the opinion and feelings of his wife and children. If there is a tyrant in the family, then the attitude towards dominance is just the opposite. And it's impossible to convince him otherwise!

Constant control

Although it is normal to be aware of each other's life events, tight control of every situation is inherent in a tyrant. For this man, every step of a woman is important, he is her wildly, even to a passing man.

Veiled tyranny

This behavior is characterized by the phrase: “It will be better for you, but I love you and take care of you.” Of course, this statement is pleasant for a woman, but the situation in which you find yourself and the tone of a man matters. Not always such an expression indicates sincere concern. Therefore, you should be careful in such situations.

Children's complexes

Tyranny is directly related to the upbringing of a person. Therefore, before making a decision, it is recommended that you get to know his parents in order to find out what kind of atmosphere reigns in their house. The attitude of a man towards his father or mother indicates how he will behave with his future wife.

Do you see similar traits in your boyfriend? After a serious quarrel, it seems to a woman that her chosen one fully corresponds to this characteristic. However, this is a delusion, since an assessment of a person should be given in his right mind and with full seriousness, and after a conflict, even minor mistakes seem global and insoluble.

How to live with a despot?

Having rushed into marriage, women face serious problems when it turns out that their husband is a despot. It is especially difficult for those who have children, and their upbringing requires male support. The behavior of a woman is different, but it plays a key role in the development of further relationships. With the help of your good habits, you will win the love of your husband, which will manifest itself in a complete change in his personality. It is not worth enduring violence and beatings, and as for emotional traumas, in exceptional situations, some women endure them and even struggle with them.

Proper behavior with a despot husband

• See a psychologist or psychiatrist. This is the first thing that is required of a female victim of a tyrant. Remember that some men do this only because of the disease, so he needs your help!
  Don't be humiliated! Although the tyrant underestimates the self-esteem of another person, do not go about it, watch yourself, strive to achieve your goals.
• Don't forget about the kids and with them. It is better to remain silent immediately, and then talk, than to force the child to observe the conflict that has arisen.
• Keep in touch. Speak out what is bothering you, but do so in a gentle and meek way.

Physical violence is suppressed by law, so in this case you have the right to contact law enforcement!

If you live with a tyrant, realize yourself and that would distract you from pressing problems.
Separate residence. If a despot beats you up and you don't have the strength to endure such an attitude anymore, then the only way is to leave.

Even with physical violence, some women do not dare to live separately from their husbands. Reasons include fear, shame, and the hope that things will change. For others, it seems impossible to provide for themselves on their own if a man has been doing this throughout their life together. When making a decision, it is worth considering the individual situation in your family.

In order not to become a victim of a future husband, be especially careful when choosing a chosen one. Even when trying to hide their true nature, some flaws will come to light from time to time. You should not turn a blind eye to this, and even more so endure physical injuries. Think about future children, and possible manifestations of such shortcomings in marriage. Thinking that everything will change after the wedding is wrong!

Tyranny in the family is a complex topic in family relationships that a woman herself can change. Being inside the situation, sometimes a woman may not realize that fate has connected a tyrant with her husband. Therefore, you should learn to identify such a man and decide how to proceed. For a tyrant, a wife is a victim to whom he will inspire her to be wrong in all life matters. A tyrant husband feels great if his wife is insecure, which allows him to manipulate her. He will definitely blame his companion for his failures, both large and small.

Often at a psychologist's appointment, when the conversation turns to domestic violence, women mean physical abuse. However, along with the physical, it causes no less trouble, which is hard for women to experience.

Types of behavior of a tyrant's husband

Psychologists note two types of tyrannical behavior:

- the first type includes men who could not realize themselves in the business sphere. Husbands who have failed to find their purpose at work can easily “try on” the role of leader at home. They tell loved ones what to do, while constantly criticizing. Such men want to emphasize their status in every possible way, because they are the head of the family. In turn, they expect total worship from family members;

- the second type includes men who have children's complexes. Complexes of this kind are often associated with resentment towards parents and classmates. The remaining child complex inside forces the man to hold on to a dominant position. This is due to the fact that the "child" inside the man is afraid of being offended in advance. This type of men constantly arranges showdowns and scandals, they are present everywhere: at home, at a party, in the supermarket. This is due to the fact that in this state he feels protected.

Signs of a tyrant's husband

Below are the most common signs of a tyrant. So, you can refer your husband to a tyrant if:

- he likes to put his wife in a dependent position, whether emotional or material;

- speaks impolitely about the relatives, friends of the spouse, and also limits her communication with her friends with all her might and wants the wife to give all her time and attention preferably to him;

- loves to criticize the female manner of speaking, dressing, painting, laughing;

- over time, it becomes virtually impossible to please her husband, nitpicking is constantly heard against her: she didn’t sit down like that, didn’t get up like that, she didn’t add salt or oversalted her food, she speaks too quietly or loudly;

- the husband likes to play a trick on his wife, and if he hears that his wife is unpleasant, he tries to convince her that there is nothing wrong with his actions, but her perception is already very critical due to increased touchiness and lack of a sense of humor;

- a man allows himself to humiliate, insult a woman with obscene words, forcing her to feel infinitely guilty of everything;

- after any conflict, the husband always blames his wife, and if a man did something wrong, then it is the wife who is to blame for this;

The man is not responsible for his words. He rarely fulfills promises, but from a woman he requires the complete opposite;

- naivety that a husband can be remade;

- the presence of small children;

- subconscious contentment with the role of the victim: no need to take responsibility for the family, make decisions, a woman enjoys scandals with subsequent reconciliation;

- financial dependence on her husband;

- lack of work

- memories of early good relations and the conviction that the spouse will improve, becoming the same;

- lack of friends, relatives who could help;

- a sense of guilt for the fact that the spouse has become different;

- lack of self-confidence;

- to remain alone and misunderstanding what to do next.

If a woman sees a way out in continuing to live with a tyrant, then she has the following options for behavior:

The first is to submit in all things and to submit to your husband.

The second is to win back your position and be able to stand up for yourself.

The choice is only for the woman.

You can make life easier with a tyrant, but if you decide to fight back. To do this, you need to contact a psychologist, with whom to analyze each specific situation, drawing up a specific plan of action.

Psychologists advise not to take a subordinate position in the family, not to lower your head and not to give up slack. As soon as a woman shows weakness, the tyrant will go on the "offensive", so you need to become a strong personality and.

How to get rid of a tyrant husband

If life with a spouse has become unbearable, then the best way out is to end the relationship and get a divorce.

For this you need:

- to awaken selfishness and realize that life is one and to live it with a man who does not love and does not respect is stupid;

- it should be understood that a woman for her husband is just a victim, he does not see a person in her, therefore, without any problems, he splashes out all his negativity, insecurity and insolvency on her;

- you need to seriously consider your future plan and not take serious actions yet, but it will be necessary to create a financial airbag and search for housing. It is advisable for a woman to seek specific advice from a psychologist, since it is the specialist who will help to understand each specific situation, give recommendations on how to behave with her husband, how to stop his male cruelty;

- you will need to restore lost ties with relatives and friends, tell them about what happened, for what reason they stopped communicating with them. To do this, you should announce your problem in case you have to contact them for help;

- if there is no assault in the family, you can declare your intention to part directly. If the spouse does not give his consent, then it would be appropriate to seek help from a lawyer or a crisis center, where they will provide legal assistance and a roof over their heads;

- you should get a job, save up money for a future independent life without a husband;

- it is necessary to start communicating with people again and go out into society in order to escape from home, acquire new interests and acquaintances;

- if the husband is engaged in assault, you should pack your things when he is not at home and move out immediately. You can rent an apartment or seek help from friends, relatives, write a statement to law enforcement agencies;

- if a man has entered the taste of tyranny, then he will not stop, so there is no point in engaging in self-deception, believing that he will improve and be persuaded by such a person;

- when the decision is made, then you should seriously consider how to get away from the tyrant's husband and successfully implement the exit plan without negative consequences;

- if it so happened that a woman does not have the financial means to rent an apartment and relatives, then you can use the help of a crisis center, where they will give shelter and protect;

- do not be afraid that ex-husband starts to chase. Often such people are cowards and are afraid of publicity for their actions. With a strong fear, you can move to another city and start life there. In any case, it will be better than continuing life, following the lead of your fears. You should also not endure beatings and bullying, for the sake of preserving the family for children. In such a family, children grow up unhappy. By staying in a tyrant's family, there is a high probability that children can repeat the behavior pattern of their family;

- to give yourself confidence, you should talk with women who have experienced parting with a tyrant. Among them it is difficult to find those who are upset decision. Most regret that they did not do this earlier.

The problem is considered a fairly common social phenomenon. Domestic violence is found in absolutely all social strata of society. Therefore, women need to remember that any psychological act of a violent nature is a crime. Various humiliations of the individual, insults, after a little time will only intensify and worsen. Hushing up this problem will not solve the situation favorably. First of all, for help, women need to turn to specialists in family law and psychologists should also seek support from loved ones. You don't have to stop talking to your loved ones. Even if they can't help, it will give them a chance to talk and get psychological support.

It is often difficult for women suffering from violence to accept help from others. Often they are shy, ashamed and simply afraid to ask for help, so they are left alone with trouble. There are also people who do not know where to turn, suffering from domestic tyranny. If there is a need for an immediate response, then you need to contact the police. But it should be borne in mind that the police will not settle, which require a cardinal position from a woman. First of all, a woman should herself try to get rid of the emotional or physical oppression of her husband. Until a woman makes the final decision on her own that she is no longer a victim, changes in family life will not occur.

There are specialized organizations (crisis centers, social services) that provide assistance to women victims of violence. It is important that the telephone numbers of these organizations are always at hand in case of need.

A woman can give phone numbers to neighbors and children so that they can ask for help themselves if she is unable to do so at a critical moment.

Husbands who commit violence bear civil liability, administrative or criminal. It must be understood that before the tyrant's husband is held accountable, a lot of mental strength and time will be spent, but all these are trifles compared to the tragic consequences that silence on the problem can lead to.

The article tells about what is psychological violence in the family, how to deal with a domestic tyrant, how to resist aggression and violence in family relationships

Greetings,

Dear readers and guests of my blog!

Z. Freud once said that "We all come from childhood."He is echoed by the well-known proverb: "Everything comes from the family."

It's hard to disagree with this.After all, the foundations of the majority psychological problems and difficulties are already laid in early age, in the bosom of family relationships.

Love, attention, understanding and acceptance of the child by parents form.

On the contrary, frequent conflicts and quarrels between parents steal emotional health, and physical and psychological violence in the family almost always leads to trauma to the child's psyche and.

This article is a logical continuation of the two previous publications:

« »

« »

Here are ways to deal with domestic violence.

Contents of this article:

1. Why do women tolerate the violence of their men
2. How to deal with a domestic tyrant
3. What to do if everything is useless

First, let's take a quick look at the problem...

Why do women suffer

the violence of their men

P because understanding the reasons for this patience allows you to determine how to deal with the family despot.

By the way, about the negative aspects of the ability to endure, read the article:

« ».

There may be several reasons. This is the fear of loneliness, and the fear of leaving children without a father, the fear of being left without a roof over their heads, without a livelihood.

But the underlying reason is victim psychology.

You can find out about this in the publications under the heading:

BUT detailed description reasons why women tolerate the violence of their men, you can read in the article:

Now let's see...

How to fight

with a house tyrant

First of all, realize: aggression in the family, physical and psychological abuse cause great damage to your psyche and the psyche of your children.

As I wrote above, children born and raised in families dominated by a domestic tyrant suffer from neurosis and other psychological problems.

Many of them also copy the behavior of their parents and also become despots or their victims.

Therefore, in no case do not tolerate family tyranny, immediately give it a rebuff.

It should be clearly understood that humility and humility are good only in a marriage where both spouses show them. If one of them is a despot, then the humility of the other will only aggravate the situation.

You are not a punching bag and a splash of aggression, and you are a person who has the right to respect, love and emotional warmth.

You do not have to endure the humiliation and intolerable nature of your man. That is why you must actively resist it.

In fact, there are only two strategies for dealing with domestic tyranny:

a) persistent attempts to change the tyrant and make him better and

b) complete and final rupture of relations

I always favor the second option. After all, continuing to associate your own with a person whose behavior shows persistent signs of a tyrant is a big risk, including for life.

However, getting away from the tyrant is not always possible.

Therefore, if nevertheless you decide to try to change relations with him and himself in better side, you will have to gain strength and patience and try to adhere to the following rules:

1. If you decide to change the house despot, then first you will have to change yourself ...

You must become strong and independent, otherwise nothing will happen.

Remember the saying more often: "Whoever is lucky, they carry on that."

In your case, it sounds like this: "Whoever endures violence gets it the most."

Evil and aggression flourish where they are abundantly watered with concessions, sacrifice and pliability. Therefore, a tyrant should not be allowed to become impudent.

You'll have to .

A tyrant man does not need a woman who can stand up for herself, he will be afraid of her and will not be able to realize his power complex in relations with her and her children.

2. From the very beginning, a male tyrant must clearly understand that any of his attempts to pressure you, any options for violence will be met with resistance, and they will be given an adequate response ...

As soon as you feel that tyranny is forming in the family, act decisively.

Say something like this:

“If you behave like an aggressor and use force, then we will have no future, we will part and break off relations forever. Scandals and quarrels will not change anything! Tune in only a calm and constructive dialogue, if it does not exist, then there will be nothing!

Do not give in, immediately voice your dissatisfaction, clearly indicate your position.

3. When communicating with a male tyrant, you can use the I-statement technique described (), as well as the active listening technique, which you can read about ().

These techniques will help you smooth out the rough edges in your relationship with him.

At the same time, in no case should you often threaten divorce and separation. A male tyrant gets used to them very quickly, since such threat words are not accompanied by specific actions.

And this is a sign of weakness for him.

So if you declare that you will leave, then follow the rule: “When you leave, leave!”.

To begin with, you can leave for a while, if it didn’t help or helped only temporarily, then leave (or kick him out) forever.

4. Living with a tyrant husband, accept the idea that the probability of parting is very high, but the probability of becoming happy and making your children happy with such a person is reduced to zero ...

5. A woman who has decided to fight a tyrant husband is recommended to start creating her financial and material independence...

In addition, one should aim at achieving, strengthening one's Self, at developing personal independence and autonomy.

This will give you the strength to resist your tyrant, and, quite possibly, even spur him to his own changes, since he will be unbearable to be next to a strong and self-sufficient woman.

6. In quarrels and conflicts with a tyrant, use the techniques and tricks that are described. They are simple yet very effective...

♦

7. Take out the rubbish from the hut ...

That is, do not hide the facts of violence and tyranny in the family. Be sure to tell friends and relatives about them, especially those who are able to influence the aggressor.

And he mustGood to know,

that any aggression in the family will immediately become

known to others

It is important to understand that refusing, even partially, to communicate with your friends and relatives is a dangerous concession to a tyrant.

He will definitely use it to his advantage. Therefore, in no case do this, but rather expand your circle of friends, communicate with people.

It is quite possible that by acting in this way, you will soon find someone with whom you can really .

8. When dealing with a domestic tyrant, always be on the lookout for common missteps between the sexes, as well as signs that

I wrote about these errors in detail in these articles:

What to do,

if everything is useless

If the situation does not improve, domestic aggression, scandals and violence continue, get ready to part with the tyrant and leave without looking back!

Start no matter how scary it is, and no matter how difficult or even impossible it seems to you.

If you feel that for the first step there is not enough strength and courage, , he will support you and help you tune in to decisive action, develop their most optimal algorithm.

If you are not internally ready to leave the tyrant, then more often yourself with the thought that if your children constantly see how their father insults and humiliates their mother, then they are unlikely to grow up psychologically healthy.

Problems in relations with people will be provided to them. As a rule, girls develop a fear of men, and boys often copy the tyrannical nature of their father and often use violence against women in the future.

So, if you do not respect and do not feel sorry for yourself, then at least have pity on them.

Do not make a decision to escape on emotions, calm down, think it over, and prepare well.

First of all, collect money, documents and necessary things.

It is good if you have a place where you can find shelter, and if your pursuer does not know about it.

Naturally, it is better to leave when he is not at home, otherwise an explosion of aggression and unnecessary showdowns cannot be avoided.

If there is no way to get away from the tyrant, and violence becomes unbearable, and even more so if it threatens life and health, feel free to contact the police.

And lastly, do not tolerate domestic tyranny and psychological abuse in the family. Such patience has never brought happiness to anyone. You will stiffen, get used to it, and then you will

.

An idyll in family life is the central heroine of any woman's dreams. Mutual respect, so often described in fairy tales, a reverent attitude and affection in harsh reality, often quickly dry up. Many realize the problem only when a hurricane of cruelty and anger suddenly breaks out of a benevolent family man, which cannot be controlled either by persuasion or humiliation.

There is a problem!

A tyrant husband is a fairly common wording in everyday life: a neighbor beats his wife, an acquaintance in society is addicted to humiliating his own beloved, and the newspapers again wrote about the torture of the wife's husband and children. This kind of news instills panic and seemingly unfounded anxiety into the heads of even morally stable citizens.

Non-standard approach

Particularly suspicious women even see mysticism in a family ruled by a tyrant husband. A conspiracy and rolling out a chicken egg is the first thing that comes to the minds of many housewives, so simple hoaxers and charlatans often profit from the psychological imbalance of the family. Handouts and homemade ads ringing about the omnipotence of such specialists who will successfully help improve the weather in the house in favor of the offended party.

Many rush for help to the lords of cards and stones in order to learn from the witch's lips. The Conspiracy in such techniques plays rather the role of self-hypnosis, which helps a woman to realize the presence of a problem and to some extent makes it possible to calm down. If you often repeat your wishes, the Universe will one day hear them, many philosophers and prose writers of our time believe. But in the case of beatings and bullying, the consistently stated words read on the new moon do not always play a decisive role.

At the moment, in the practice of many world experts, there are trainings and techniques for women who have learned by their own example how to organize their lives when the husband is a tyrant. The advice of a psychologist in this situation can be regarded in different ways: as a motivation in making fateful and already hard-won decisions or a foundation for stubbornly justifying any male actions.

Jealousy is the cause of many problems

Oddly enough, but the situation when the wife of a monster regularly justifies her own tormentor is the most common in the world. Most people point to the feeling of jealousy popularized through books and movies as the main root cause of marital distress.

It is often associated with a feeling of constant fear and competition, which originates from the early childhood experienced by a tyrannical husband. Too common trend, when in a large family, parental attention is distributed not quite fairly and equally. Each child has its own unique character, its own degree of activity and worldview, so the older generation can simply play the human factor. Freud - the most frequently discussed and difficult to perceive psychologist - at one time painted a picture of the first example of jealousy in a child - the fear of losing the mother's breast and milk. The founder of the scandalous depth psychology believed that in an infant, a feeling of fear of losing the bliss of connection with the mother manifests itself from the first days. Uncontrolled screaming and crying are colorful confirmations of this.

The wife is a kind of continuation of the infantile affection that the tyrant husband so appreciates. For boys who have not fully lived through the stage of growing up in the cocoon of love of their parents, women become, rather, a means of filling family gaps. As a result, relationships and all their joys and sorrows are perceived through the prism of their own program. It is difficult for most normally developed women to cope with such a situation.

The initial manifestations of jealousy, or rather distrust, often inspire the woman herself, increasing her self-esteem. especially well-fed and satisfied, often leads to a cooling of feelings, insipidity and boredom, which short-sighted ladies decide to sweeten with jealousy. Unreasonable delays at work, lack of time for marital duties, flirting with strangers and long stays in networks do their devastating work. As a result, the faithful, tormented by demons since childhood, lose their already fragile control: sudden calls, commanding manners and demands for a report on any occasion can be intensified by scandals and fights.

It is quite difficult even for experienced psychologists to talk with such active wives. The well-established concept of good intentions leaves the subconscious of a woman too slowly. In her understanding, only the desire to add piquancy and gloss to married life is fixed, and the damage caused by her whim is not immediately amenable to analysis.

signs

Jealousy stands on three rather well-fed whales - the thirst for property, a progressive sense of inferiority and the projection of personal shortcomings onto the people around. The tyrant husband is no exception. Signs of jealousy always eloquently demonstrate their origins:

1. The owner does not accept the possibility of his woman communicating with other members of the stronger sex - no acquaintances with comrades and the introduction of a male team will correct the perception of a tyrant. He also completely denies the need for a lover's personal space. All-consuming control is the motto of his whole life. Often the root cause of such behavior is the very nature of a man - stubbornness and lack of communication skills lead to lust for power and quarrelsomeness.
2. The feeling of inferiority is a solid foundation for tyranny: a man dissatisfied with his body or character shows his complexes more clearly than a woman. Any aspirations of the spouse to develop and improve are perceived as betrayal and manifestations of betrayal. Comparing or drawing a parallel with his wife is the worst offense that a tyrant husband can draw for himself. Signs of jealousy are manifested with theatrical meticulousness - any wishes or demands receive an unprecedented response and a powerful rebuff from the faithful.
3. With the projection of shortcomings, everything is relatively simple - a husband prone to adultery does not doubt the sinfulness of his own wife, so delays at work and silence on the phone are always perceived as a proven fact of treason.

Control intervention!

The abundance of omniscient girlfriends-advisers is a characteristic feature of families in which the husband is a tyrant. Divorce and an emergency move are the most popular proposal that can be heard during girls' kitchen gatherings. The most active friends not only motivate and instruct, but also strive with all their might to become a protagonist in family problem. Psychologists advise spouses to control such a process of interference in personal life. Not all issues require a mass audience.

Awareness of the problem

In a situation where a woman is married to a sadist and an inveterate alcoholic, the external factor plays a significant role. Being in a constant cycle of alcoholic feasts of her faithful, chronic lack of funds and beatings, not everyone can find the right solution from the current situation. To represent the depth family tragedy worth going back to the beginning. None of the girls knowingly married an alcoholic and a bully. This is the main thesis of any family confusion. And often it is a stranger who helps to realize it.

Each cell of society develops independently, and the pace, as well as the direction of this process, is determined only by its participants. A person cannot become in an instant a non-drying subject with constant bouts of aggression. Alcohol addiction progresses defiantly gradually, it spreads like bad news throughout the body, inciting its cells to obey only the thirst for drink.

Women often miss the beginning of such a tragic epic, because an accommodating and positive-minded husband impresses to some extent after drinking. This situation is common in families where the breadwinner is faced with overwhelming tasks of providing and educating. Women themselves prepare the soil for their halves. In world practice, there is a common case when a mother assigned the role of a family executioner to her husband. All misconduct and disobedience of the little ones are clearly transferred to the parent in the most colorful form, after which the tired husband is taken for family repression. Few women realize that the mission of the punisher qualitatively destroys the human psyche, and the man subconsciously does not want to lose the throne of a strong and courageous hero. The circle closes suddenly, sometimes not even leaving loopholes for correcting mistakes.

The burden of social, marital and parental obligations puts pressure on a man, especially when he has not been instilled with the habit of sharing his even minor fears and anxieties with his immediate environment since childhood. The best anti-stress is alcohol, which becomes a catalyst in the process of transforming a spouse. Frequent corporate parties and receptions, later drinking because of evening sadness, then just for appetite. Conversations and pleading often lead to pictorial outbursts of anger, assurances of complete control of one's cravings and the ability to stop communicating with a glass at any second.

signs of distress

Experts say that none of the clients of narcological institutions came to them on their own initiative, especially in the initial stages. Often, the initiator was the victim, whose life was qualitatively ruined by a tyrant husband. What to do with a fighter and a drunkard, only medical wives or comprehensively developing people know.

The first signs of a disaster can be seemingly small processes:

1. The degree or number of drinks consumed by the faithful has changed - the husband smoothly switched from beer to vodka (cognac) or from a bottle to packs.
2. The so-called hangover has disappeared - or headaches (gastric) pains do not appear from previously noticed doses.
3. Reflection of the amount of alcohol on the attitude towards children and spouse. The husband not only breaks down on his wife, who prevented her from getting the dose, but also tries in every possible way to unbalance the children.
4. The appearance now of a frequent guest - amnesia: cases when the tyrant husband who has awakened cannot put all the events together. Advice and persuasion only lead to irritation and scandal.
5. An eloquent manifestation of dissatisfaction with life, family and work in sober moments of life. The tyrant husband not only grumbles about the faucet that has broken for the umpteenth time, but also gets annoyed about deuces, the amount of food or politics, the sight of his wife especially infuriates the aggressor, fights happen.
6. Many hours of drinking marathons turned into multi-day actions - the appearance of drunken moments is the most striking manifestation of addiction, after the first case, you should immediately drag your hubby to a narcologist.

How to live with a tyrant husband who regularly looks into the neck is not so easy to determine. Each case is strictly individual and mostly depends on the will power of the alcohol addict and his family. But there are several general principles for a more even coexistence with the aggressor.

It is undesirable for the wife of a tyrant to allow the following:

1. Making fun of the dependence or personal qualities of a spouse in society - caustic statements will not only not spur a man to improvement, but will also lead to increased cravings, because every time a bottle brings euphoria, not family and children.
2. The provocation of jealousy from the faithful in relation to one of his company - many wives practice such a trick, not realizing that the situation, modeled as positive, will turn into a drunken trial with possible injuries and greater hatred for the wife herself.
3. Shifting responsibility for the drunken hubby onto the shoulders of his own parents - a sense of shame cannot pave the way for an addict to recovery. And in most cases, he knocks out the already slipping ground from under his feet, the tyrant closes in on himself, at the slightest provocation uses his fists and runs away into the warm embrace of his companions out of passion.
4. Ultimatums and threats of divorce - such sanctions can only help a short time and only in those cases when the principles of love, craving for the family remained alive in the soul of a man, otherwise screams about deprivation of the rights to children and joint property can lead to relapse and physical violence.
5. Simulation of serious illnesses or refusal to perform household duties - the impotence of a woman in almost all men causes disgust and to some extent even resentment; rowdy.

A small list of good habits will help you to correct or simplify your own life with a tyrant husband:

1. It's worth starting with yourself. Marriage with a tyrant is not the limit, you should not get used to the role of a vegetative victim and let everything take its course. Financial independence (even the most minimal) will help to soberly assess the situation, the material plane always leads to a constant analysis of one's capabilities and dependencies. In the initial phases, the drinking husband can still notice the transformation of his wife, analyze his own conformity to such a woman, and pass judgment on himself.
2. It is always worth evaluating how a tyrant husband behaves. No need to encourage a rude man with a glass or two to improve his mood. A woman who wants to isolate her family from the alcohol plague is obliged to impose a moratorium on alcohol in her penates. The so-called in Soviet times is not a method of influence or control over the faithful, the ban on drinking should become a principle for the whole family, and not just for those who are on an alcoholic diet.
3. The main problem of the family is a bored tyrant husband. The psychologist's advice is quite simple - in moments of enlightenment from alcohol, men often do not understand where to stick themselves, society is constantly developing, and hard drinking only knocks them out of this pace. The tyrant needs to be interested or wisely introduced to a joyful activity - mountaineering, cycling, hiking or skydiving for emotional value can easily replace the euphoria of alcohol, the main thing is not to leave a man with this activity alone, female praise and inspiration are excellent catalysts for male aspiration .
4. The wife of a tyrant must accept the fact that alcohol is a method of relaxation, therefore, replacing it with something more saturated, you can get rid of the problem itself. This principle works at the very beginning of alcoholism; this cannot be changed by an inveterate drunkard. To begin with, a woman must take herself into her fragile hands and begin to act - constant scandals and the use of a rolling pin only discourage a man from doing something. Dinner should be a small holiday for a man, even without fabulous salads and snacks. A pleasant conversation, delicious tea (coffee), a tidy wife are the key to the stability of any relationship. If the family came to the conclusion to solve the problem together, it is worth arming yourself with a life trick.
5. If a man is grieving about troubles or difficulties at work or in society, do not dismiss the inflated problems. Each person feels a thirst for support and understanding, neglect from loved ones is often taken as a personal defeat and disappointment. A cure in the form of alcohol or drugs is found much faster than the family's distress signal matures.

All these rules can only bring results, or even the slightest results, if the whole family is united and understands the seriousness of the alcohol problem. If a man does not recognize his own weakness and perniciousness of such behavior, it is much more difficult to cope with him.

How to get rid of a tyrant husband? How to disperse peacefully?

In the case when all methods have been tried, and the result rather aggravates the situation, it is worth thinking about divorce. And how to divorce a tyrant husband without harming the kids and your own nervous system? It sometimes takes a whole decade for many women to come to this conclusion, because the weaker sex is prone to idealization and hope, so the harsh reality does not immediately overtake its victim.

Which is prone to violence or hostility, deriving the algorithm is quite difficult. The first thing you need to do is get a good lawyer. Consultations will help to realistically assess the situation, possible consequences and perspectives, as well as backed up by legal arguments. The next step is to remove the move, do not share a room with an uncontrolled person, attacks of aggression can lead to injury or death. It is better to send kids to a psychologist in order to correct existing phobias, as well as prevent future ones.

If everything is returned...

It happens that after some time the ex-husband-tyrant tries How to act in this situation, each woman decides for herself, based on common sense and already gained experience. The main nuance is the reaction of children to the development of such a plot, after analyzing the totality of all factors, it is possible to decide the fate of a second chance for a tyrant.