Crises happen in every family. But so that love music always sounds in your house, psychologists advise you to press the right keys.

The Liza magazine will tell you in which cases it is still possible to save a marriage, and when it is already impossible to return anything back, and is it worth it?

If the husband left, how right is it for a woman to try to return him to the family in order to save the marriage?

You don't need to save your marriage. You need to understand how important this particular person is to you. Divorce is not uncommon today. It must be taken for granted that many men want to live several lives. True, women also sometimes succeed. But when you are responsible for the children, you won’t play much - first you need to put the children on their feet, and one at that. Maybe this fear and material dependence are the reasons for the desire to return her husband to the family? What is love here? But if the feelings have not faded away and you are sure that the runaway husband is your destiny, think carefully about whether you are ready to forgive him. At the same time, it’s not just to forgive, but to forget the offense, not to make claims, analyze your mistakes and try to change yourself, so that the spouse who comes to visit the children sees you as loving, calm, open, changed, and he wants to stay with you.

Does love have a finite resource?

Passion, love, admiration have a finite resource. At true love there is not and cannot be a finite resource. For example, parents love their children at any age. We love dogs and cats all their lives. But the manifestations of love change over time. Not everyone can keep their feelings until the end of days.

Is it worth saving a marriage if life together with a man is very difficult?

There are pathological cases when it is absolutely not worth saving a marriage. For example, keeping a family with an alcoholic, a real tyrant, a drug addict, a mentally ill person or a maniacal miser, you doom yourself and your children to eternal suffering and an unhappy life. In such cases, you should not entertain hopes that you will save him and that everything will work out for you someday. Numerous betrayals, drunkenness, unwillingness to share finances, cruel attitude - all this is almost impossible to re-educate. If love blinds your eyes and you cannot decide on a divorce, then it is better to leave for a while, live separately. Making a decision when you are under such stress is pointless. You will calm down and understand whether marriage is pulling you to the bottom or making you a happy family woman.

Relations between a man and a woman are sometimes so complex and confusing that one can only guess what exactly should be done in order for your relationship to continue. And is it worth it? Let's try to figure out in which cases the relationship is still worth saving.

As you know, there are several stages in a relationship. And one of them is irritation. During this period, the couple already has accumulated negativity and dissatisfaction with each other. Breaking up at a time like this is easy enough. Traditionally, psychologists identify three main relationship crises in a couple:

• 1 year;
• 3 years;
• 7 years.

These are the times when you are most prone to break up relationships. It may seem to you that the partner does not suit you, that this is not your person, that you have no prospects. But you should pay attention to this:

- many now happy couples had such a period, but they, nevertheless, remained together;

- remember if there were in your life together positive points when did you feel that your partner is your significant other? What has changed now?

Think about how serious your quarrels and contradictions are. Perhaps this is a situation of "divorce due to an unsealed tube of toothpaste." Often partners, wanting to demonstrate their bright and extraordinary character to another, flirt too much and begin to offend him with their attitude (for example, intransigence towards his habits or lifestyle). This can be corrected and must be distinguished from really serious character problems;

- well, in the end, remember that breaking is not building. That even if you follow the emotions and end the relationship, then with the next partner you will go through the same stages of the relationship. And the stage of irritation as well.

Should I look for another partner?

And by the way, this new and suitable person for you, who, moreover, would reciprocate you, still needs to be found. After all, when you are in a couple, it seems that the world full of wonderful partners, and they all want to date you, and everyone can become yours. It seems that as soon as you break up / divorce, a line of grooms or brides will line up for you. But this is just a huge misconception, which, unfortunately, occurs in both men and women.

It seems to you now only because there is a person nearby who needs you and who loves you (read about). If you are left alone, you will most likely immediately realize that in fact there are not so many potential new partners around you, and that some of them were just flirting without serious intentions. Some will not suit you intellectually or in character, the second have bad habits and problems with work or relatives, the third have (which you did not count on at all), the fourth, upon closer acquaintance, may not reciprocate and will not want to continue communication, the fifth experience financial problems and will not be able to support a family, and the sixth suit you in everything, but do not want to start a serious relationship ...

Should I end the relationship or not?

All this is a reality, so before you end your current relationship, being deluded about supposedly excellent prospects in your personal life, you should think very carefully. But, of course, there are situations when ending a relationship will be good for you. These are situations where your partner:

• drinking;
• raises his hand to you;
• has serious problems and does not solve them - for example, does not want to work;
• if the partner is a tyrant and treats you badly;
• systematically changes;
• etc.

In all these cases, the relationship is unlikely to be harmonious, and you will only waste your life trying to save the situation.

But there are also cases when a partner, although annoying you, is worth fighting for the relationship:

• you have an agreement in the main life issues;
• you have compatibility on a physical, intellectual and spiritual level;
• he can financially provide for his family, has a stable job, does not hang around your neck;
• he has no bad habits - his character generally suits you;
• your relationship lacks ALL of the above (i.e. he doesn't drink, he's not a tyrant, he doesn't cheat, etc.).

Love relationships begin with the idealization of a partner, they are replaced by addiction, then comes the stage of irritation, then friendship, then love. Different psychologists call these stages differently, but the essence is the same - there are no ideal relationships. On the way to true love, you need to overcome many traps, including boredom, fatigue, laziness, irritation from living together and from the behavior of a partner. But the main thing is the understanding that this is just a period that needs to be overcome by joint efforts, and not to end the relationship in the hope of finding someone with whom everything will be perfect.

This is where the trap lies - there will be no ideal relationship with anyone, just with one partner there will be some problems, and with another - others. And at the same time, as we have already said, a worthy partner still needs to be found first (which also takes a lot of time and effort, not counting cases of exceptional luck). Therefore, if you are currently in a negative period in your relationship, take a closer look at your partner, determine the positive aspects of your relationship, and analyze the negative aspects of the union.

In this article, we are not talking about situations where a divorce is almost a done deal and you clearly understand that you cannot get along with each other. We are talking about situations of an existing, but at the same time surmountable crisis in a couple, when the partner seems to be tired and constantly annoying, but globally you do not want to change everything (well, except perhaps in a period of bad mood).

Think about what is more positive or negative in your relationship. Check out the points above. Maybe even for a while

Every girl and woman is a keeper hearth. That is why, in the event of family troubles, to a greater extent, women try to save the marriage and reconcile. This article will be devoted to how to save a marriage with certain life difficulties that he stumbled over.

Is it even worth saving a marriage?

To begin with, before we delve into these or those situations in which a marriage needs to be saved in more detail, we will touch on a very important question - “Is it worth saving a marriage?”. We are women, very selfless! If we love - then only with all our hearts, if we get married - then forever and by all means trying to save the marriage, we will not encounter any difficulties, and even if it is. Quite often, when a marriage is on the brink of divorce or begins to crack at the seams, we put ourselves entirely on the family altar, sacrificing ourselves to save it. Is it worth it?

First of all, ask yourself the question: are you happy in marriage, do you love your husband and do you want to continue living like this!? This must be honestly admitted. If you have become strangers to each other, your marriage has turned into a routine and constant quarrels and showdowns, not to mention the lack of romance and tenderness, then why save all this? If everything is different for you, then you need to fight for your marriage to the end!

How to Save a Marriage After Having a Baby

The birth of a child is very difficult period for marriage. Small child causes a lot of trouble: she cries at night, not allowing her parents to sleep, her mother is in worries all day and literally falls off her feet in the evening. All this negatively affects marriage: spouses are irritable, tired, relationships lose romance, not to mention the intimate side of life.

Try to solve the problem with the help of parents. Ask them to help you sometimes: look at the baby or help around the house - the parents will definitely understand and help. Having unloaded the day, you will not be so tired and you can devote the evening to your husband, making him romantic. You can also ask the parents to sit with the child for several hours in the evening, going with her husband to a restaurant, cinema, or just walking around the park or the city at night, holding hands.

How to save a marriage after infidelity

There is only one way to save a marriage after infidelity: if you forgive your husband for infidelity, just forgive, and do not put up with it. In other cases, it will be a routine, and not a happy union. After that, you must make it clear to your husband that his betrayal is forgiven, but not forgotten - and he will not have a second chance. If this is not done, then he will understand that betrayal and then he will get away with it. The husband’s attitude to this is also important: he repents or pretends not to lose you.

How to save a marriage from divorce

If your marriage is on the verge of divorce, then it can only be saved by joint efforts. Sit down with your husband in a quiet, homely environment and discuss options for getting out of this situation. Write on a piece of paper what and who does not suit - without interrupting. You will discuss all the controversial points later, when you analyze everything written in order, then you will need to find compromises on all these issues.

If you both insist on your own, and do not want to give in, do like little children - a concession for a concession.

The family is, first of all, an island of safety for the people living in it. But is it really so? How strong is this connection between the two so recently loving friend other people? Is it possible to save a marriage from falling apart? In what cases and how can this be done? What is the surest way?

I will answer in one word - awareness. Yes, it is the adult position of the individual. And first general advice many couples: stop looking for only pleasure in marriage for yourself. Marriage, family - this is everyday interaction and understanding of oneself and a partner, care and respect, the ability to hear and feel, manage one's emotions.

If you really want to make a scandal, blaming your partner for all the "sins", ask yourself right away: what do I want to achieve with this act? Understanding? Consent? Love? Or…

Probably, in this way I want to get some kind of result. But can it be obtained in this way? The answer is obvious. And the desire to continue to continue the scandal to seek "one's own truth" has weakened, hasn't it? This is a kind of awareness in behavior.

On the verge of divorce ... or how to save a relationship with her husband

What brought the family to the brink of divorce? What is the reason for the alienation of partners: betrayal or misunderstanding, difference of views or cooling of feelings, sexual dissatisfaction or inability to build relationships, or maybe lack of money? Let's watch.

According to statistics, in the Slavic countries of the former CIS, almost 70% of marriages end in divorce, more than half of which break up before 3 years. And the most common reason is a "hasty decision" about marriage.

Yes, that is right. Immediately after the honeymoon, partners get to know each other from the real, not the “pink” side. And these "discoveries" make life together impossible. Yes, and "love", or rather passion eventually turns into mutual claims and accusations. The process is aggravated by the fact that such tests are constantly taking place, every day. It is impossible to hide from them, run away, dodge or pretend that everything is in order.

Sex ceases to be a constant goal, it becomes much less: why rush, if you can tomorrow and in a week. And in general, now you can, whenever you want. Lovely shortcomings of your half grow into insurmountable obstacles, mutual demands and reproaches increase. Increasingly, there is a desire to break these shackles and find someone more suitable. Especially since I'm still hoo!

But it is hardly worth rushing to break up and change partners. Where is the guarantee that it will not be even worse than before? With your annoying habits, cockroaches in your head, and skeletons in your closet? Therefore, it will have to be dealt with. And, oddly enough, let's try to start from the opposite.

Is there anything to save?

Marriage? Yes, you need to understand this first. Especially for us women. After all, as soon as there is a threat to our marriage, we immediately selflessly rush to save it. And it is clear that it is in our nature to preserve what is available for the survival of the species. But is it still worth all the sacrifices that we are willing to make to save the marriage? The answer to this question you can get only one way - by examining yourself.

Find a time and a quiet place where you can remember, think and feel. Start defining with your mind and heart. What do you feel for your husband? Are you happy in marriage? Are you ready to continue living like this? What are you willing to change about yourself? And what in his character or habits can you never come to terms with?

The main condition is to be sincere with yourself. Don't take concepts like, "I have to..." or "Yes, fuck him, I would never..." as reality. Learn to distinguish your desires from those of others "correctly like this."

And, if it turns out that there is nothing to “repair”, then what actually needs to be saved?

And, if on the contrary, then it is worth fighting for your marriage with your loved one.

Alone with yourself, in peace and quiet, find your true motive for wanting to save your marriage at all costs. Maybe it's just a fear of starting to live alone, without a husband? Fear that it will be much worse than without it? Or is your motivation based on what was good between you before? Or maybe you really feel that you want and are ready to live with this person, whatever he may be?

This is what you have to find out. Having identified the need for yourself, offer to do the same for your husband. And give him the same opportunity, leaving him alone with you for as long as necessary. So the probability of error for both will be minimal. And both of you together will be able to make the right decision.

If it turns out that both need marriage, proceed to determine the cause of the “inconsistencies” of the two characters.

When you find the cause of the problem, it is easy to find the right or satisfying solution for both. It's a matter of time.

Decide on the reason

How to save a family on the verge of divorce? To do this, we sit down and discuss what, who and why are not satisfied. And it is clear that we listen to the partner carefully, without interrupting or objecting. We express our vision and objections (without accusations and reproaches) after.

If your partner is really dear to you, you will be ready not only to listen to him, but also to take action. It's the same with him. If the other is not ready to make concessions or change their behavior, reaction in some way, this must also be discussed. To understand why not? Maybe there are good reasons, maybe not.

For example, the lack of communication between you. What you want to talk about is not interesting to your partner and vice versa. Or even lost all desire to communicate with each other.

Or maybe you stopped trusting your partner or he you? Or do you have a different attitude to money: one is a spender, the other is a miser? Or is there simply a catastrophic lack of money and mutual claims are growing from this?

Or maybe sexual contacts went wrong? Or do you both feel the chasm between you growing? Or there was a betrayal and you do not know how to behave further?

After all, how do we usually act in case of inconsistencies or discord in the family? That's right, we try our best to change the other. Especially when passions run high and divorce looms on the horizon. Literally "rape" another in order to get something from him. Don't you think it's strange???

This is first. And secondly, what will be your reaction in such an approach? Are you ready to change immediately? Or…

But what to do? Try to admit the possibility that the husband is right about something. Look at the event with a “not blurred” look, not through the prism of your “I want” or “only THIS is right”. Try to see the process objectively, as it really is.

For example, if you think that your husband is not fulfilling his male duties around the house, maybe you are not fulfilling your female ones?

Or when he goes headlong into computer games or alcohol, before you just blame, think about why this is happening. What did he miss in marriage, why does he find salvation in this?

The algorithm is:

Find out what went wrong

Then find out if you can fix what went wrong

Start fixing

Often the solution lies in a joint compromise. But this is already being decided in the working order, in each family in its own way. But it must be done in a way that suits both partners.

The tips listed above will significantly bring your marriage and family closer to salvation. They will show you the main thing: both of you need marriage, there is something to save and everyone is ready to take part in salvation. And this is important, believe me!

But how now to strengthen the shattered union of two loving people?

Need for change

Everything that remains unchanged loses its novelty and attractiveness over time. Family life- not an exception. Imperceptibly turning into a routine, marriage ceases to attract and excite both, feelings go out, and the desire to find the culprit grows.

So that the family does not turn into such a swamp as a result, it needs to be developed. And do it to both. What I mean? Change roles, for example. The wife retreats from the role of the keeper of the hearth, and the husband from the role of the main breadwinner, at least for a while. Or find new meanings each in your life. It can be any occupation, interest, hobby. Which, in principle, over time can develop into a favorite job that brings both passion and income.

Perhaps not all of your and his experiments will be successful, but you are looking for, trying, changing something in your life, getting some experience. So time does not pass in vain, the result is. And most importantly - do not become dull "canned food" for each other. And in the family there is a certain common space and there is a personal space for everyone. Developing in your personal space, getting new experience, positive emotions, meanings there, you bring all this into the common space of the family. So your marriage is constantly new, it is like a lake, fed by clean streams from the inside. It will never become a dull swamp.

And one more important point: always encourage your partner's desire for something new, for personal growth, for example. And moreover, try to create the necessary conditions for him. You will both benefit from this. This basically applies to both.

Respect for each other

It is deep respect for each other. After all, for some reason you are still with him, and he is with you, right? It is unlikely that you could live so long with a person whom you simply do not respect. Then you don't respect yourself.

Respect for each other is the foundation on which the strongest relationships between people are built.

Find a common goal

The goal that will be important for both. For example, give a good education to children, achieve a certain status, change an apartment, district, city, or get a dog. Find a purpose that can unite you even more.

More trust, less control

In marriage, there should be both a common goal that unites the spouses, and a certain degree of freedom for each. Some autonomy is simply necessary for each of you. And no guilt for it! This is the inalienable right of everyone to freedom of creative expression! Partners and spouses who feel free in this are less likely to experience claims and a desire to control the other. They trust each other much more, love, appreciate and respect each other.

Don't focus on family

This advice is more about us women. It is we who tend to identify completely with the role of wife and mother. And the trouble is that for such “victims” a huge bill is always subsequently billed - who and what owes me for it. But it was your own decision, wasn't it? So is it worth looking for the culprit?

Therefore, try to make your life interesting, fill it with what you are drawn to, what your soul lies in, what you always wanted to realize. That way your life won't turn into a free addition to someone else's. You will always be interesting to yourself, and your husband, and children, and friends. You can open up in all these guises.

And now the emergency methods.

"Ambulance" to save a marriage

When mutual claims reach a climax, it is not so easy to hear each other, and even more so to understand what is happening and what exactly should be done to improve the current situation. In this case, standard advice will not help; an emergency method of overcoming the crisis is needed here. That's why it is an ambulance, to be used only in extreme situations. In habitual cases, the standard “treatment” proposed above always helps.

So what to do?

Most The best way- take a break from each other for a while. Take a break for a while, live with a friend or relatives for a week (without questioning or harassment on their part), or even better, rent a hotel room, go to the country for the weekend (if there is no one there) or for a week somewhere in the forest, on the lake . In short, take a time out. But not to search for another lover or switch attention to something more positive, but in order to be able to be alone with yourself, your thoughts and feelings. And it is desirable that no one bother you to achieve a clear understanding of what happened between you and why.

If it is not possible to leave, try to find personal space and provide it to your husband. A space where you can be alone with yourself. You can simply change the schedule inside the apartment for at least five to seven days, so as not to catch each other's eyes once again.

Such a short-term suspension can give both of you a lot. From understanding what is happening and what I want; to the ability to acutely feel the lack of the other, the desire to see him and quickly improve the frustrated relationship. In any case, after such a separation, it will become possible to sit down, calmly discuss and find a constructive solution that suits both.

Is it worth saving a marriage in case of infidelity?

In the course of my work, I often encounter such questions. Only one recipe for all, of course, is not and cannot be. Each case has its own conditions and reasons, so the advice is different.

It is not easy for both a man and a woman to survive the betrayal of a partner, and it can be even more difficult to save a family. There is, of course, a certain percentage of men, and even women, who constantly want to change their partner in order to experience something new. Here it is clear that there is nothing to save. Although, if someone is satisfied with this state of affairs, then why not?

But now I want to talk about something else. There was love, relationships, family and suddenly, like a bolt from the blue: a mistress.

Why did this happen? Most of us decide to take such a step because something very important is leaving relationships and family - respect, trust, joy, love, mutual understanding. Moreover, the reason should be sought not only in the deceived, but in both partners.

For many of us, deciding to take such a step - to have a mistress / lover on the side - can be very difficult. The reasons for this, as a rule, are very good: the wife constantly saws, monitors, controlling every step, the husband is always dissatisfied, drinks, beats, etc. Everything is individual here.

How correct is it to try to save a family in case of betrayal of one of the partners? The answer to this question depends on many factors. When the reason for the betrayal was the lack of warmth and understanding in the relationship, it makes sense to try to rehabilitate the family. And in the case of constant betrayal of a partner, especially when this is his way of self-affirmation, it is unlikely to succeed. Such a person should be let go, no matter how painful it is.

So how can you save a marriage if your husband cheats?

The solution algorithm is the same, you need to start with yourself. But first you need to come to a more or less balanced state. If emotions "tear off the roof", find a secluded place, a cottage, a forest, etc. will do - or shout out or talk to "him". It all depends on the intensity of your emotions. It is possible to shout or cry first, then talk. Sit facing a wall or a tree, imagine that you are sitting opposite your husband, and begin to express everything that has accumulated. Do not hold back in emotions and claims, express absolutely everything. You can not be shy in expressions and gestures. This will help you to remove the heat of negativity.

After you calm down, think about whether you want him back and, most importantly, why. What is your real motive for saving your marriage with this person? Do not rush to call him, walk around for a few days with the received answer, maybe the answer will change or, on the contrary, will be supplemented with new “for”.

Then try to talk to him openly, but without accusations and claims. Maybe on his part this is a mistake or an attempt to attract your attention to himself, or maybe an attempt at manipulation - try to figure it out together. And again, give yourself and him time to think about what you and he want, whether it is possible, etc. If both of you are ready to continue the path together, sit down and discuss constructively, without accusations, how best to get out of this crisis.

In this case, it will not be superfluous to contact a psychologist.

Finally

Any human relationship, any family is not a frozen form, it is a process. The process of constant interaction, feeling each other, responding to the state of the other. In any family, the ability to openly but friendly express one's needs and desires, the ability to listen and hear a partner is necessary. How necessary it is to be ready to compromise, to overcome your own fears and limitations, to openness and trust, but at the same time, the ability to preserve personal space.

And we do not receive all this at birth, these are skills that we develop throughout our lives, including in our own family. And both need to make efforts if they value that intimate and close that was born and nurtured by both!

It is much easier to say that the partner is to blame for all the problems, but it is worth remembering that two people are sailing in a family boat, which means that both are to blame!

What are the signs that a relationship can no longer be saved?

Different perspectives on change

Each couple has their own views on infidelity, do not be surprised, but sometimes they can agree! For example, a woman obviously knows that a man likes to go left and simply accepts him as he is. But he is a good father and there are no domestic problems with him in the family. Agree, at least - it's honest! But the relationship definitely cannot be saved if one of the partners in the pair is cheating, and the second cannot tolerate it. We suspect that the first 2 times of forgiveness will help restore some trust, but the fourth time - the final break!

No joint emotions!

You made a cake together and are very glad that it turned out not as beautiful as in the recipe, but insanely delicious. You got a cat and wonder together how you can be so funny and amusing. You may fight, but then eat ice cream together! These are the little emotions that keep a relationship going. If they are not there, your relationship cannot be saved!

You sleep in different rooms

The biggest stupidity that women do is after a quarrel they send a man to sleep in another room instead of resolving the conflict and then falling asleep in an embrace. Then this behavior becomes a habit and it is not at all surprising that at one fine moment you will find that you have been sleeping in different rooms for 3 months and all this time you have not even touched each other. Think, perhaps all this time you just live by inertia and your relationship can no longer be saved?

No trust

Living and suspecting is bad, scary and uncomfortable! Sooner or later, you will want to have a person nearby whom you do not try to “catch on hot” every day. Let's put it this way: if there is no trust, the relationship cannot be saved, especially if it was lost for a good reason.

No communication, and if there is - a quarrel

Sometimes there comes a moment in a couple that there is nothing to be silent about! There is communication, but it comes down more to a decision family problems: throw out the trash, pay off a loan, pick up children from school, etc., and each situation is a conversation in raised tones.

Everyone doesn't like

Grievances tend to accumulate over time, and we begin to dislike everything in a partner. Sometimes it comes to the point of absurdity and we are annoyed by the way he eats, sits, drives, dresses and even breathes. Even if its dignity, for which you fell in love. Turned into shortcomings, which means that the relationship definitely cannot be saved. Of course, you can hold out for a month or a year, but a gap is inevitable!

Apart is better than together

It often happens that you are going home, and you really want him not to be at home, or you just don’t rush home. If you catch yourself thinking that you are much better apart than together, the relationship is unlikely to be saved.

Everyone has their own life

You seem to be together, but you don’t remember when you had dinner together, not to mention spending time together. Sometimes in a couple there comes a moment when people behave like strangers: everyone has their own life and partners do not dedicate each other to it. What do you combine? Only children and shared housing.