On October 28, our country celebrates Grandparents Day. Many children are unable to build relationships with older people because of different views on certain things. Today we will tell you how to find mutual understanding for children and elderly relatives.

In our country, grandparents play an important role in raising children. Their concern for their grandchildren should not be underestimated. In many families, parents pay much less attention to their children than older family members, due to their constant employment. However, the relationship of children is not always different ages with grandmothers are going well. The elderly were brought up differently, so they try to instill in their grandchildren what their parents instilled in them in childhood. Modern children often do not understand what the older generation demands of them. Today we decided to sort out this problem and give advice to parents and grandmothers, whose children and grandchildren do not want to make contact with older relatives.

Excessive custody of grandchildren. This is the most common problem parents can face. Probably, everyone is familiar with the situation when a grandmother goes for a walk with her grandson. First, he wraps him up in several sweaters and pants, and then on the street does not let him go anywhere, worried that the child will fall or get dirty. Naturally, such overprotectiveness will not please not only big children, but also little ones. The grandmother needs to remember that she is only a grandmother, and the parents are responsible for the child. If you want your grandson to grow up as an independent person, give him more freedom. One bump is not grief: children stuff them themselves almost every day. Try to help your grandchild only if he really needs help. If you constantly monitor the child and force him to do only what you want, you will never be able to find with him mutual language.

Do not indulge children's whims. Many parents take the help of grandparents for granted and do not even try to find out what kind of relationship they have with their grandchildren. Meanwhile, the older generation may have difficulties in communicating with children. Misunderstanding leads to the fact that grandmothers begin to indulge the whims of their grandchildren only in order to please and please them. Then parents wonder why children demand too much. If mom and dad decide that a grandmother should look after their child, then they should discuss in advance the parenting method that they consider ideal. The family should get together and discuss all possible problems. When parents behave with their children as they see fit, and grandmothers differently, this will certainly lead to conflict.

Don't make expensive gifts for children. Grandmothers should be able to refuse. If the grandson sees a thing he likes in their house and begs for it, but the grandmother is very dear to it, it is necessary to refuse. If you pamper your child every time, he will never take you seriously. Naturally, there will be no respect from him. Learn to explain your state of mind to children.

Do not try to impose on your child what was imposed on you as a child. Unfortunately, the modern generation of children often sees not the soul of people, but their appearance. For example, schoolchildren believe that a grandmother should be young and fashionable, so they never go for a walk with a woman who wears a scarf and slippers. In their opinion, a fashionable grandmother has good manners, you can joke with her, talk to different topics... If you are faced with just such a problem, convince the child that appearance- not the main thing, it will be very difficult. Try at least a little to match the image of the grandmother that the grandson considers ideal. Ask the child what he enjoys and what interests him. Be sure to study the information about this. For example, read articles about his favorite band, and then discuss with your grandson why he likes it so much. In fact, winning the favor of a child is not as difficult as it might seem at first glance. Take an interest in his affairs and try to understand how today's generation of children lives.

Be kind and don't say bad things about your grandchild's parents. Often, grandmothers are very fond of criticizing their parents in the presence of their grandchildren. They easily talk about how frivolous their daughter or son is: they put on the child not for the weather, fed him harmful sandwiches. The child remembers all this and begins to compare grandmother and mother. Of course, he can take the side of his grandmother, but this rarely happens. You should understand that parents have many worries, and often they simply do not have time to keep track of their offspring. In this case, you need to show understanding. Even if mom does something wrong, do not tell your grandchild about it. Talk to the parents and solve the problem without involving the child. Better yet, show kindness and concern if your parents seem to be paying little attention to your child.

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Dedicated to the memory of Olga Yegorovna Voronovich ...

“My grandmother and I are not close as relatives,- a friend once complained to me, - and I have nothing to talk to her about. I seem to understand that I need to call her, and I call - but after answering "How are you, how is your health?" the conversation crumples, fades, and quietly collapses. I guess I'm a bad granddaughter ... "

Honestly, this conversation impressed me to the depths of my soul. How is it - there is nothing to talk about with your grandmother? Why? After all, so many topics for communication can be raised, so many interesting things to be gleaned, so many happy memories can be revived - you just need to pull them, half-forgotten, from the dark corners of grandmother's memory, shake off the dust from them - and they will once again sparkle with bright colors.

After all, old people love to remember the past, especially when the adults are already grandchildren sitting side by side and, with their mouths open, like little ones, listen to every word spoken.

I have not communicated with my grandmother for 9 years. It's just ... because she's gone. And I still, despite the past years, yearn - and this pain does not go anywhere, and probably will not go away.

After all, you can no longer sneak up behind me quietly, kiss your wrinkled cheek and exclaim cheerfully:“How are you, granny? And let's chat with you a little "... But, God knows, our conversations were the most interesting, the most entertaining, but simply - the most ...

Lovely girls! You really don't know what to talk to your grandmother about? Oh, I'll tell you. Moreover, I assure you that there are no more intimate conversations than those when two loved ones communicate. So…

• Fashion. What else can two women talk about for hours? Of course, about fashion! And it doesn't matter that one is still only twenty or thirty, and the second is already more than eighty.
  My grandmother's and my notions of style, of course - as expected - diverged. Granny snorted that the concept of beauty is not the same now, and I foaming at my mouth defended the right to life of jeans with a low rise.
  The most surprising thing is that later she nevertheless agreed with me - in the sense that they fit perfectly, but no, no, she pinned a flirty bow to the collar of my dress ...
• Love. The theme is invariably beautiful, for centuries. In whatever era we were born, no matter how many changes we experienced, the song of love will sound louder than others, for it is beautiful.
  … And one of the evenings I learned the story of my grandmother's very first love. And I have never heard anything more touching.
• Sports, mind games, game shows(and no Malakhov). As an option, although not for everybody.
  My grandmother was rooting for the German (for some reason) football team, was a fan of Kostya Tszyu and excitedly discussed all his boxing matches with me, as well as the next fight between viewers and the favorite team of Alexander Druz in the intellectual casino “What? Where? When?".
  And she and I played cards at night.
• School, college, institute. Not all of the old people had the opportunity to study. But if someone is lucky, you can learn a lot of interesting things about the training system of the past years. And not only.
  Grandma was lucky: her father, my great-grandfather, half Czech, half Pole, gave great value study. And, having lost his wife early, he did everything so that his beloved daughter received an education.
  He taught her German from the cradle (which saved both their lives during the German occupation). Well, over how my cowardly granny decided to enter the flight school and disgraced herself on the very first parachute jump, I laughed, not hesitating ... with her.
  She went to medical. And many years after reaching retirement age She served as a senior nurse in the surgical department of a small town hospital where she and her grandfather settled after the war.
  And her funny stories, seasoned with specific humor medical professionals, that's ... that's another story.
• War. Many people think that the war is too hard for the memory of old people, but this is not so. Yes, she revives not the most pleasant memories. But the mere mention of its end makes the veterans' hearts beat faster and breathe deeper - with full chest, flaring their nostrils, as if the sweet smell of the Great Victory is still in the air.

I know a lot about my grandmother. Almost everything, because we were close friends. And about my grandfather, too, although I have not written a single line about him now. The main thing is the memory in the heart: it will not go anywhere, and the rest is unimportant.

Talk to your old people, people. Talk more often; even a short phone call can make the day brighter and the mood better. Speak with love: they gave you all your life, so give them in return at least half an hour a day - after all, this is so little. And if possible, hug more: maybe they have very little time left.

Olga Arsenyeva

Dear Readers! How often do you hang out with your grandmother? What topics do you like to talk about? We are waiting for your answers in the comments!

Grandparents have a huge responsibility. They not only bring up children, but also pass on to them the experience of generations, family spirit and allow them to see the most different sides of life. It is known that children who often interact with their grandparents learn much better, have a good character and are less prone to outbursts of aggression. In adulthood, such children usually remember their beloved old people with love and gratitude. The grown-up grandchildren take care of them and, if necessary, choose the best private nursing homes or take care of themselves.

However, not all grandparents find such communication easy. In some cases, they just don't know how to behave properly. Here are some tips for communicating with the growing generation.

Pampering or excessive severity?

Usually grandmothers do not like the soul in their grandchildren. They cannot resist pampering them once more, they overwhelm them with gifts, if financial opportunities allow, they are fed the most delicious food and almost everything is allowed. Is this true from the point of view of education?

There is a point of view that life with a grandmother is such a kind of vacation. Strict parents monitor proper nutrition and timely completion of lessons, and at the grandmother's home it is a fairy tale where it is so pleasant to relax. However, older people should remember not to break the rules set by their parents. The child must understand that everyone in the family adheres to the same standards.

Who is more important - mom or grandmother?

It is no secret that in many families there is a rivalry between mothers and grandmothers about how to properly raise (feed, dress) a child. Children immediately take advantage of this, starting to manipulate adults. In addition, constant disputes and conflicts in the family are not at all useful for either the child or the adults.

Of course, older people want their opinion to be taken into account, they want to be needed and significant. However, in matters of raising children, the parents should have the last word. Grandparents can advise them from the height of their life experience. But when making a final decision, it will be better for them to step aside. First of all, this is a manifestation of caring for the child, which should not be torn between different points of view.

How to convey life experience?

Elderly people who spend a lot of time with their grandchildren can give them a real treasure - a wise view of the world, understanding, the ability to accept life as it is. Old people, like children, are in no hurry. They have time to discuss endless questions, walk, enjoy nature, read books. In such a simple and unhurried communication, a connection between generations is born, which is very important for a child.

Communication with older people can become the most important experience in the life of a little person and a memory that he will carry with him throughout his life.

More than 2 years ago, I began to regularly travel to nursing homes and constantly communicate with my grandparents.

For myself, I regard this period as one in which the doors to the treasury of wisdom, knowledge and experience were opened for me.

My dear grandparents have been gone for a long time, but I remember my period of life with them as sunny and filled with childish joy, because while there are your grandparents, you are grandchildren!

How wonderful it is to be a grandson! How many interesting things you can learn and learn! It's important to just ask and talk. Talk ...

About your family and parents... It is the grandparents who will tell you a lot interesting stories about your kind. Who did what, where he lived, etc.

I'm sure it will be an entertaining story. For example, my grandmother told me in a whisper that we were from the Tereshchenko family.

She said that you need to remember this. She loved to remember how strict my great-grandfather was, about the book that described our family, everyday life and much more, which she had to burn in the oven because of the communists.

And I am so sorry that she was gone when I was still in 2nd grade and then I just listened to these stories like a fairy tale. It's hard to restore something now.

It is grandmothers who will be able to tell the most entertaining stories and facts about your parents, which you may not even know about.

Talk to Grandma about Fashion... She will tell you about the styles of the time, how they sewed dresses themselves, she will argue and scold the fashion of today - calling her shameless. But all the same, two women will always find a common language in this topic.

About love... On this topic, grandmothers are more outspoken than grandfathers. Don't talk about husbands! About suitors. Many grandmothers of their husbands did not wait from the war and remained widows for life.

And everyone had grooms, and every grandmother will happily remember them and keep secret about it with you.

Recipes and cuisine... It's a mystery to me - how can you know so many recipes? Our grandmothers did not have Google, the Internet and beautiful colorful books with step by step instructions, as we have with you, so each recipe "worked out" over the years, or even decades.

Write down and learn how to cook grandma's pancakes, dumplings, pies and cherry jam. You won't find that in any Michelin restaurant.

Study and education... Not all of our grandparents had the opportunity to study. But some still studied and they will remember their school years with pleasure.

And you will tell how it was or is with you. You can solve a crossword puzzle together, play checkers or chess.

Grandfathers love to teach how to play chess. Buy and bring them a board game.

Important people... Both grandfather and grandmother will gladly tell you about this. Almost everyone in their life has met a "very important person" and is proud of it.

Ask how and why? They will remember that moment of their life with joy and in all details.

War... This topic is complex. Many grandfathers suffered and were injured, and grandmothers became widows. But it is still relevant in our time, when military operations are taking place in the country in the Donbass.

Be careful, she revives not the most pleasant memories in your memory, but if you translate the conversation about its end, the grandfather's back immediately straightens out and pride shines on his face. They love to talk about Victory Day.

There can be a lot of topics for conversation. Any questions about the past bring them back to their youth at the time of the conversation. Therefore, it is very important to devote time to such conversations and to give grandparents this feeling of "need", "interesting" and joy.

There are some tips on how to talk to older people.

You must remember that at this age they may have health problems that make it difficult to speak and understand. For example, hearing impairment. Therefore, you should speak a little louder so that everyone is comfortable.

Speak as clearly as possible and make eye contact.

Use clear and precise questions and suggestions.

Take your grandfather or grandmother by the hand - this contact is very important for them!

You are the closest and dearest person for them. You will see with what trepidation they will hold your hand, and your grandmother may still try to kiss her.

Do you know what else is important for older people?

To know that they have not lived their lives in vain and it is so important for them to hear from you "thank you" for their care, even if it was not as much as you would like. Do not judge, but love.

Communicating with a large number of grandparents in nursing homes, I can say with confidence that the answer to one question is important for everyone: "What have I done in my life and is there anything to respect, love and remember me for?"

Yes, this is the question that people most often ask themselves at the end of their lives.

Think about it. We still have time to live our lives so that the answer to this question is worthy.

Grandparents in nursing homes are pain. Often they do not have grandchildren and relatives, and no one will say "thank you" to them. They leave with a stone in their hearts and without much joy.

I understand very well that there is a drawback in our society that we all began to work on - this is our attitude towards the elderly.

We somehow missed this in education, in the formation of values ​​in society. But it is never too late to realize this and start correcting the situation.

Right now - dial your grandparents and ask "How are you?" and listen carefully to the answer.

If they are no longer with you, as in my case, we went together to a nursing home. After all, this is not our past - this is our future! And it is important to think about it today.

Olga Bondarenko , Gtin of the charity fund Let "s help, the project" Good old age "

Title photo photography33 /